When is it time to leave a band?

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Apr 06 - 05:48 AM

It sounds better when you sing as you aren't so close to the mic. When FG speaks into the other mic, it is more understandable.

More than enough said from me on this thread.

To the orginal poster, thanks for the thread, it gives me some serious pause for thought.

Michelle

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: GUEST,bandleader
Date: 07 Apr 06 - 05:55 AM

just go and give them some peace if you feel like you do you can't be giving your all to the band.

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Apr 06 - 07:33 AM

I tried to do that earlier because I can't commit the way I should and was told to hang on to the music as they expect and want me to come back.

Michelle

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Apr 06 - 09:15 AM

Michelle,

I think it is more accurate to say that you offered to return the material awhile back because you had a busy time coming up with your student teaching, and that you were told then that although some band changes were taking place as a result of FG's taking over while I took a break, we welcomed your participation any time you could join in.

You were told then about the offertories, eventually offered one one weekend, and then canceled the offer about 24 hours later because you and your fiddle were not getting along. No one complained when this occurred, although it did mean some last-minute scrambling for the person who had originally been scheduled for that week's offertory.

You recently had an opportunity to the extent and nature of the changes that had been in the works, and offered a fresh start to contemplate if and when you resumed playing your fiddle. All this verbiage has ensued now that you know what will be expected if you should find you wish to return.

Of course we hope you will return, and as the policy states we want existing members to move toward the new approach-- not that people who can't meet the desired commitment are being asked to leave. No one has asked you to leave-- quite the opposite, I have been proactive in making every effort I can think of to find a way you can keep some involvement that works for you. As a matter of fact, I've reviewed the last severeal years' emails about this matter, and I see a longstanding cycle where idea after idea has been shot down.

So it has become clear to me that for whatever reason, this isn't working for you at this time. If that is not the case-- the remedy is simple. Just let us know when to expect you to return to involvement, plan on having some rehearsal time before you are on the spot to "perform," work on some simple, melodic communion music of your choosing from whatever source you wish to use, and THEN see if it works for you. I'll even be happy to give you a copy of some of the source songs we're working from, and arrangements for the new material whether you're playing with us or not, if that would be helpful in thinking about how the fiddle might be useful as a side part if you want to work on those skills.

As I have said now several times-- and I think clearly and patiently-- the approach is not intended to exclude anyone, but simply a structure to provide a way people can participate to the extent of their abilities.

~Susan

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Apr 06 - 09:30 AM

It sounds better when you sing as you aren't so close to the mic. When FG speaks into the other mic, it is more understandable.

I often "eat the mic" when I sing-- singing with my lips actually touching it. The difference is not the microphones or the closeness to them. It's mostly Hardiman's strong carryng voice even away from the amp, from the center aisle, unobstructed by pews. (My speaking voice is not nearly as strong as my singing voice.) And it's the placement of the amps-- we are on two different amps and without amp stands, speech does not cross the pew barriers well. The amps are aimed, also, to eliminate feedback. Since you have not worked with sound systems (not needing one for the fiddle), you would not know this.

Some people who sit elsewhwere in the church hear me just fine, BTW. We do the best we can within the limitations we've been given to work with.

~Susan

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: Peace
Date: 07 Apr 06 - 01:51 PM

And it's all done for the greater glory of God.

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Apr 06 - 03:33 PM

Yes, that too.

Perhaps, Peace, you might care to suggest a prayer we can print to insert into each of our songbooks, for the ministry of us all. (We used to have one in the first iteration of the band's playing at the church.) The Sunday AM folks involved in the sanctuary group always pray together before they embark on the morning's services. I don't think of myself as our band's spiritual advisor... but the guy who started us all off and still pitches in to help with everything, despite many personal adversities, is the most unfailingly positive person I know, and I bet he would be very honored to be appointed our chaplain.

I hear that prayer thing actually works. :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Apr 06 - 05:48 PM

Susan,

    When I joined the band, the first thing you told me is that the greensong book comes back when you leave. I offered it back to you and you told me to keep it as you expected me to come back at some point. There are some very interesting shades of the truth going on here. I also have emails. All of them.

If you'd like to share more about me in this forum, please feel free but at least be honest about it and take some responsibility for your part in this mess.

   Not all of what you just posted is accurate. I'd go on about it, but what's the point? You will throw it in my lap anyway. Go ahead. I'm getting used to it. According to you, nothing is ever your fault, it's always mine. *shrug*

Michelle

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Apr 06 - 10:42 PM

When is it time to leave a thread?

Have yourself a time, Michelle. I'm done playing defense whenever you decide you are being victimized again. No one else who has played has had any trouble getting along. The door is open. It's up to you what action to take.

~Susan

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: GUEST,lilyfestre's husband
Date: 07 Apr 06 - 11:39 PM

Susan,

I have been quite about you treating my wife like dirt these past years because she got some enjoyment out of playing in your band (lord only knows how with all hoops you make people jump through). There is no open door becuase I will not let you take advantage of her no more. You are a user plain and simple. Too lazy to do any of the work yourself so you have to get others to do it for you. So you can type up your own crap from now on. So go ahead be nasty to her so I can show you just how nasty I can be.



Pissed off husband

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Apr 06 - 01:52 AM

Susan,

In case you haven't noticed, I am not interested in you and your manipulations. It's interesting to hear that you have been "playing defense." I think the ONLY time I ever really sought out any kind of assistance was when Veronica didn't return. Silly me. I thought you were being a caring member of the church parish but now I know better...you were playing defense. Well, I guess I learn something new every single day. Losing Veronica in the manner that we did and how much I grieved for that child is not a case of anyone crying victim...it's an example of a human being in the deepest kind of pain there is.

Susan, I know you and I don't see eye to eye on many things, but that's pretty low. I don't always like you but I did trust you. Never, ever again. Score two points for you.

Michelle

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 08 Apr 06 - 10:22 AM

Outsiders view.
There seem to be two problems

1) the songs haven't got notation.
2) the newer songs aren't as popular.

easy solutions to both problems.
1) Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's.
This is a job for a very specific skill. A good transcriber could do half a dozen hymn tunes in hour. Pay him out of church funds. Your local musicians union should know someone who is good and fast.
End of prob.

2) Performing a song is also a very specific skill. To influence an audience to enjoy it, the front people have to know it back to front and back again. they have to know clever little bits and harmonies that they enjoy, to add those flourishes that an audience will get off on. That goes for ANY kind of music.
Take ONE new song that you can agree on. That is enough for one or even two months. Taking a whole book full at once is just plain ridiculous.

stop getting pissed off with each other. its in the nature of things that band members blame each other when things go wrong.

it does no good. think about what your ambitions and hopes were when you started with this band - don't give up on your dreams too easily.

al

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: GUEST,MadDwg
Date: 08 Apr 06 - 09:05 PM

Hey WYSIWYG: I was once in a band that recorded and released an album.
We were quite good! Unfortunately, one of the members was strapped for cash and felt set upon to "donate" his vehicle along with everyone else's to transport the band and its gear. So, he decided to request payment by the mile as reimbursement. Unfortunately, those of us who drove did so as well, using "government" stats as the guideline. Therefore, most of the gig pay went to transport. Of the 5, I was the only one who had a "real" 9 to 5 5 day a week job. Two members were part time guitar and mandoling teachers and one even was taking mandolin lessons from a local mandolin virtuoso of international fame, so he could not make ends meet. When it was decided that our success was such that we could buy a used Greyhound bus and outfit it ourselves, with the help of a financnial backer, two members decided that was that, including the one who started the whole reimbursment deal. The decision to quit was made solely on financial reasons as well as emotional reasons. Rules are great! Policies are great! Just when the policy is initially made, write it down and agre to it and NEVER WAIVER!!! We NEVER agreed to the reimbursment plan, we just greedily did it!

When is it time to leave? When unrealitic demands are made of the group, such as threatening its rinancial health. IF the group is together for th fun of it, than leave when you aren't having anymore fun. If you can't exist with an "all for one and one for all" attitude and can't remember there is no "I" in "TEAM", then leave. No amount of clerical intervnetion is going to change anything. And feelings have toenter into it. Afterall, we areonly human and our feelings are one of the reasons were are humn!

BTW, Susan, W L D's proposal of bigamy sounds like it might be fun, but one heck of a swim!

MadDawg

Subject: RE: When is it time to leave a band?
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 12:09 PM

I was invited to join a band by the bandleader. All the guys are very dedicated, awesome people,and quite probably better musicians than I am. (I've never had to write songs with other people before and my memory is shit right now because of life issues so once a riff is played I can't remember it afterwards especially when someone else is noodling.)

However, the rest of the band wants a more democratic process and a slightly different sound than the bandleader does. Really not sure how to handle moving towards a democratic base without hurting the guy's feelings.

Leaving is not an option. I need to learn what I can and they need to get used to playing with a singer who isn't familiar to them. :)