BS: Stigmata problems

Subject: BS: Stigmata problems
From: GUEST,Padre Pio
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 04:15 AM

Cor blimey me stigmata ain't 'alf givin' me gip this mornin', blood all over the keyboard. An me halo's on the bloomin' blink again, anyone got a 12 indulgence grace pack to spare?

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: freda underhill
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 05:24 AM

Padre, i urgently suggest iron tablets and kid gloves.

regards

freda

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 05:35 AM

There's no good getting cross about it. Next time you cut your nails, try to be a bit more careful!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 06:36 AM

And make sure Thomas washes his fingers before poking.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 08:00 AM

Check with the Vatican. If they decide you are real you are made for life and they will profit after your death.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Wolfgang
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 08:07 AM

The Vatican has already checked some time ago and has canonizised Francesco Forgione (AKA Padre Pio) in 2002, a couple of years after his death. Nice to see that there is internet access in heaven too.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 08:56 AM

Check with Francis of Assissi. Ol' Franky has the same problems.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: GUEST,Mother Theresa
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:33 AM

I get my gracepacks from here. Ask St. Patrick to upgrade you to rechargeables. As for the stigmata, St. Fiacre might help, he does piles as well as taxis.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 12:01 PM

Have you seen your optometrist lately, you may actually have an astigmatism?
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Metchosin
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 12:16 PM

LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 01:17 PM

I had a stigmata once. Had a helluva time with it. Every time I tried to wash my hands the soap and water ran right out the holes. It got so bad I finally plugged 'em up with that stuff you use to patch rust holes in cars.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: robomatic
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:56 PM

Use the medicated vaseline.

And cover with duct tape. In fact, if the Romans had used duct tape they would have saved us a lot of bother.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 10:26 PM

The Romans did use duct tape. It's how they effected repairs on these.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: GUEST,Dr. H Shipman
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 04:51 AM

Padre, put some elastoplasts on the holes, take two aspirins and see me in the morning.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Paul Burke
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 05:16 AM

Is that Stigmata of the Dumpmata?

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 06:16 AM

Great repair Rapaire

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John O'L
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 07:33 AM

I had Stigmata problems once. But they weren't as bad as the Bjornmata problems, or the even the Bennymata problems.
Worst of all though were the Tommata problems.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:33 AM

Stigmata of the dump, that's really bad.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Mr Happy
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:19 AM

you say termata, & I say pertata
they say regata, & I say stigmata

maters, martyrs
gaiters. garters,

Let's call the hole thing orf!

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Paul Burke
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:38 AM

He's got a hole drilled through his hand,
He's got a hole drilled through his hand,
He's got a hole drilled through his hand,
He's got a hole drilled through his hand.

Swigmata (swig' mah tah): n. The red marks that forms on the nose and cheeks after a night of heavy drinking.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Joe Offer
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 03:34 PM

Stigmatics are a real problem for us liberal Catholics. All the hysteria is really messy, and it clashes with our non-hysterical Weltanschauung. We can deal with the stigmata of Francis of Assisi, since that was all such a long time ago, although we still get a bit uneasy about those images of Francis contemplating skulls.
So, Pio, could you please wear gloves and socks? All that blood is so distressing.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 06:04 PM

Not to mention it's a bugger to get out of the carpet....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:41 AM

Did you ever try walking on water with holes in your feet?
It's a bitch!
The water comes up like little fountains as you sink slowly down.

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 01:09 AM

AH!! so THAT'S why I can't walk across the pond... and there was me thinking it was a weight to surface tension problem when all along it was because I've got little holes in me tootsies!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 03:44 AM

Your meniscus isn't strong enough Liz.


Isn't Stigmata 'The Stig's Mother? I believe she's known to her friends as Alma.

G.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 06:57 AM

My meniscus isn't the problem.. it's all that bloody duck weed!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 07:06 AM

Can't it use ther cat's litter try?

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Paul Burke
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 07:06 AM

I didn't think you were old enough to have had a meniscus anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 07:32 AM

I had to pause and think about that one!

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Hawker
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 01:43 PM

When my stigmata play up I get cross!!!!
;0D

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 02:29 PM

♪♫Eye eye lazy, lazy eye♪♫

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John O'L
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 08:08 PM

So have we all got stigmata problems now, have we?

Every clown wants to play Hamlet.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 10:58 PM

No, I am not Lord Hamlet, nor was I meant to be.

Eating popcorn and peanuts can be another problem, because in addition to them falling through the holes the salt hurts like heck.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 03:36 AM

Me Thain of Cawdor? What a gas!
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John O'L
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 04:20 AM

Gas Giok? I don't think you can claim rumblings from that hole as a stigmata problem.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 04:45 AM

Haemarroids? {Sorry it was just begging to be said ☺}
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 12:14 PM

Piles and piles of hemorrhoids...

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 12:16 PM

And just in case I didn't mention it before (which I didn't), accepting change is a challenge. And when I was in school all the other kids used to play "Drop the Clothes Pin" with the holes in my hands.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Sep 06 - 04:32 AM

But I bet you were really popular when it was time to strain the spaghetti...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John O'L
Date: 17 Sep 06 - 05:29 AM

Strain it? What about measuring it - a nail hole would hold, I imagine, a serving for one or maybe two people, depending on appetite and the accuracy of the hammerer...

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 06 - 10:28 AM

The hole in my side was a problem, too. But the worst are the wounds around my head -- either I'm in pain or my Stetson falls down over my ears.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Sep 06 - 10:38 AM

THOMAS !!! Don't pick it, it'll never get better!
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Stigmata problems
From: John O'L
Date: 17 Sep 06 - 08:17 PM

Are you sure about that?