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Can we lighten up a little?
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Lonesome EJ Date: 10 Mar 99 - 11:54 AM Hey Art! Was that a CONDOM-minium you moved to? Or a CONDOM-minimum?:) |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Ferrara Date: 10 Mar 99 - 12:18 PM Art et al., anyone who has a strong personal style is bound to seem offensive to some people, even if their style is to try to be really inoffensive! -- The trick is, to be able to distinguish between teasing someone about their style, and harassing them about it! Where would Mudcat be without teasing? But harassment and heavy criticism is jarring. End of sermon (for now at least). |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: katlaughing Date: 10 Mar 99 - 12:19 PM Dear Art, Are you ready for a CONvoy of CONDOMS to be delivered into your waiting arms via CONveyor belt to your CONDO (good one LEJ)? I kid you not, when I was selling those promotional items, we had delayed orders because they got held up for "quality testing". What visions of "testing" we had in our minds! Actually, we were told they were tested by machines, much as cars are. I imagine a giant assembly room floor, filled with upright banana-shaped, hollow rods of steel, all going up and down with a precision thumping of cogs and wheels filling the place with the din of screeching machinery, working to the utmost capacity to ensure our right to be disease, etc. free! Ahh, what "lengths" they will go to for the mighty CONsumer! Laughingly-Kat |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 10 Mar 99 - 01:36 PM Well Kat, maybe there's a way for Mudcat to profit in all this. We could sell our own with the name right there? Cool..."Mudcatters Choice Pro Line Rubbers"...I can see it now.....different models......Art Thieme Model has a bad joke on each one; Sandy Paton Model includes a free CD telling of one of their fornication research and collection trips; Big Mick Model says Welcome to Mudcat down the side; Joe Offer Model has 524 page instruction booklet on how to install; catspaw Model is already unwrapped and unrolled and just lays there like a bowl of Quaker Puffed Oats; the Bill and Pete Traditional is made of sheepskin for repeated usage; Lonesome EJ Model says Hot Damn, Doncha' Just Love It?; Katlaughing Model has tiny joy buzzer in the end so each party goes whooopeee on each stroke; Wolfgang(Hell) people will buy just for the name. Man, how great...each 'catter with a model and something to satisfy each discerning condom buyer. And what about Dental Dams? More$$$$ You may be onto something here kat. NOI catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 10 Mar 99 - 01:44 PM Say I just read Bert's John Henry entry on hammer swinging and we could have the Bert Model with that explanation on the package...nobody would have to know it was about hammers! catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Bert Date: 10 Mar 99 - 01:48 PM It's NOT MY FAULT that a hammer happens to have a head and a shaft. Bert. |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Rick Fielding Date: 10 Mar 99 - 01:54 PM Dammit "Cat" why can't I have my own model too? Perhaps a line of pre-war, pearl-inlayed, brazilian ones. I could advise folks to never by a new one over a vintage one. Now I'd never use the slogan "Buy Used!" But how about "pre-loved". My God, I can't believe this! Three months of exposure to Art and Catspaw, and I've joined the "ranks of raunch!" My mother must be turning in her grave! |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 10 Mar 99 - 01:58 PM Actually Rick I was thinking about you and Implosive Pedro...but I hadn't put it together yet...yours is definitely better and welcome to the R of R. catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: bassen Date: 10 Mar 99 - 02:51 PM So we're back to ‚…“ again huh? I can't help it, this one's forcing me from the dark ranks of the lurking into the threadening light. Tho' definitely a fringe 'cateer, I propose my own brand so as to avoid RUBBERing anyone the wrong way: Bassen's Best for Elderly Instruments. bassen |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Lonesome EJ Date: 10 Mar 99 - 04:03 PM Bassen! What a great idea! World's First SupportCondom! Oh and Ferrara...Could we really lighten up any MORE ? |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Pete M Date: 10 Mar 99 - 04:31 PM Hey Catspaw, don't forget the 'downstream opportunities'. Repair kits for punctures, 'Go faster' stripes, spray on suede finish etc. Pete M
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: harpgirl Date: 10 Mar 99 - 04:48 PM Hey Art, What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an aetheist? Someone who rings your door bell for no reason!!! NOI *chuckle* harpgirl |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: katlaughing Date: 10 Mar 99 - 07:04 PM Rick, I know...it's all or nothin', eh? What a good influence they are! I propose we also have those special ones which are advertised as "ribbed", so that anyone in a jocular mood could give someone else a "good ribbing"! Along with the racing stripes Pete M. suggested, how 'bout a little smoke "bomb", so that when you "peel out" and squeal, you get the full effect of "burning rubber"! Also, if we had some specially imprinted with the Mudcat logo, would we have to watch for those at all of the fairs, in order to identify one another, or at least those who have the appropriate appendage to attach them to? Course, I guess we girls could run around with imprinted dental dams, fully clothed, at that! ***LMAO*** I have got to stop this! Harpgirl, that was a great joke. Bawdily/Bodily Yours, kat |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 10 Mar 99 - 07:25 PM See ... nothing we can't accomplish with just a little creative thought and enough 'catters. By all means we need to go the accessory route...perhaps a nice tuck and roll, or pom-poms all around with fuzzy dice hanging from the tip! What about a nice sound system too? Especially for the quickie models this could help establish the tempo. Short time skivvy model plays Irish Washerwoman? Oh and the burning rubber thing should be standard, don't you think...except on Bill D.'s Traditional model? EJ old buddy, you have a point...this thread is already lighter than hydrogen! catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Robin Date: 10 Mar 99 - 07:30 PM Thanks to all of you who lightened up this thread. Could it be you're brighter than the others? Just kidding!? can't say NO! Help!!!
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Big Mick Date: 10 Mar 99 - 10:39 PM CATSPAW, YOU ARE A SICK PUPPY!!!! I REALLY, REALLY LIKE THAT IN A MAN! I am sitting here laughing my ass off, with tears running down my face, my 7 year old asking me if I am OK, and the two cats looking at me like I have a tail. Thanks to you and Katlaughing (who I must meet one day, if the Fair Alison will let me)for the best laugh I have had today. I am two weeks out from an organizing election, and a week away from St. Pat's. The pressure is pretty intense, and you folks made my day. Quintessential Mudcat!! All the best, Mick |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 10 Mar 99 - 10:52 PM Happy to do it Mick...Knew you'd surely have a full St.Pat's but an oganizing election too...full boat yuh got there. I love these people and this place...When I'm ready to just chuck it in...someone always comes through with a good thought, a piece of education to make me think, a great story, or a good laugh. We are the most unique place on the web...a REAL community. Good Luck with your org.elect. You do important work. catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Pete M Date: 10 Mar 99 - 10:55 PM AAARRRGGGHHHH! not the fluffy dice Catspaw. Have some mercy! Mind you I think a set of morris bells would go nicely with the sheepskin model. Then of course theres always the 'Sailor's friend', 24oz canvas, tarred at the seams, complete with fid, palm, and needle for running repairs. Oh the funding of the 'Cat is secure at last! Pete M
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: katlaughing Date: 11 Mar 99 - 12:31 AM Pete M, Would that be the sheepskin you'd be using that neddle on, now? Faith I've seen a few ******* in my time what could use a bit o' stitching oop! And as long as you've a needle and thread to hand, why not embroider them like doilies, then our mums wouldn't mind so awful much, do ya' think? We could make fair and crazy quilt stitchery on them for them what's sooo traditional and all! Big Mick, My cats are positive I've a tail, as my ass was laughed off with these last few. Glad we were all able to "rise to the ocassion"! If you'd only come to Montana, perhaps we'd meet (w/ fair Alison's blessing of course.) You know in these cold parts, it'd really be nice if, for those of us who can't tolerate wool (sensitive-skinned (faded)redheads ya' know?), we could have some made out of fake fur, but I don't know if I'd want the fur turned inside or out; I 'spose those what hang down might do with a bit of warmth turned in, to keep it cozy and they do say things seem to rise when heated, so.... Now then, which one of you brave souls is going to be the guinea pig for all of these designs? And who'll be your willin' partner? No, no don't tell me, just post the results here on the best site of the Net! I think I'm spent, me boyos! G'night! katlaughing |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: alison Date: 11 Mar 99 - 01:04 AM Hi, Thought you'd appreciate the thread Mick,(you keep telling me they don't call you Big Mick for nothing...... now it looks though people are starting to believe you **grin**.....) It's a shame you all aren't closer.... it's a bit too far for us Aussies to go........ but trust me we'd love to. I'd like to meet catspaw too... want to find out just how he knew how many letters to put up the side of that condom................... **grin** but didn't he leave out the second half... "Welcome to Mudcat...and have a nice day."? Slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 11 Mar 99 - 01:30 AM Just a guess Wendy, ..er,uh ..Alison........Amazing the travel of a joke in this cyber age.......but it certainly wasn't through experimentatation as you'll notice the catspaw model is already "unwrapped and unrolled and lying there like a bowl of Quaker Puffed Oats." Kinda' pathetic and probably won't be a big seller. And Pete M., truly a traditionalist aren't you mate? Fids, palms, and tarred 24 ounce indeed!!! Perhaps a bit of something in an asymetrical cut Spectra-Kevlar would be interesting...tarred 24.......How did you guys take the Cup anyway??? catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Lonesome EJ Date: 11 Mar 99 - 01:59 AM Amazing how the "What kind of Condoms Do Mudcatters prefer?" thread continues to raise its head..er..pop up.. I mean, continues to recur. Despite our misgivings,we continue to plunge in, again and again. In the absence of any organized resistance, it manages to poke and probe, relentlessly insinuating itself into the collective consciousness.Alas, must every innocent ejaculation of verbal joy be fraught with double meaning?! Scorn the Condom! Withdraw, I say! The quality of our mutual intercourse is in jeopardy! I would labor like a Trojan to free us from this long, slow slide into oblivion! Sleepers Awake! The noble cock has already risen-his cries penetrate the heavens from yonder hill! OK. Now I need a cigarette. |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: katlaughing Date: 11 Mar 99 - 02:40 AM BRAVO, LEJ! BRAVO! |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 11 Mar 99 - 02:51 AM I'm an insomniac, but why are you two still up? Dammit Lonesome, I was about to finally pass out and you crank out...wait a minute,skip the "crank"...OK, post ....no, scratch that...and scratch the scratching...there's gotta' be a non-genital way to say this .. come up with...aw crap ....... just stop it tonight...I gotta' get some rest. Let's all three just go to bed ......WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.... help TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTERS...PREPARE FOR ANOTHER DAY OF BAD JOKES AND GOOD FRIENDSHIP...GOOD NIGHT!!! catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Steve Parkes Date: 11 Mar 99 - 03:49 AM Well, I for one am certainly glad to see amodicum of common sense returning to this thread. It's rather unfair on us vasectomees, who can't join in! I cna share this piece of wisdom, though (and stop me if you've heard it before): over on this side of the pond, condom dispensers bear the words "manufactured and tested in Great Britain"; it's usual for some wag to add, "so was the Titanic!". Steve "bareback, but too modest to mention it" Parkes |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 11 Mar 99 - 01:43 PM I'm thinking what we need is a perpetually running "Smart-Ass" thread...a place for quick and possibly offensive wisecracks with a first post explaining that no one should be offended by anything they read here, these are just stupid jokes that we gotta' get out. Like on thread titles...It's hard at times not to throw out some smart aleck line just for a laugh. Like right now, look at some of them...... "Grandfather born 18-- sang a ditty" -- Yep, popped right out of the womb and gave everyone a rousing rendition of Yankee Doodle. "Sad Song by Jean Redpath" -- Oh yeah, that narrows it down a lot. "Song about 64 Buffalo" -- Sorry, I only know one about 62 buffalo...but would you settle for 76 trombones? "Song that Moved Me" -- to the tune of "Wild Thing" how bout a real favorite, "Prune Juice.. ..You Make My Bowels Loose.. ..Prune Juice.. ..You Really Move Me....>I Gotta' Go For Sure>>>>>>>>>>>>> Well I feel beter already. NOI catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: katlaughing Date: 11 Mar 99 - 01:54 PM WELL! SOOOOO SORREEEE! I don't KNOW the friggin' name of the Sad Song, OKAY!? ***LOL*** NOIThat's where you all come in, right!Here's my vote for a perpetual smart ass thread; may it go on, and on, and on.... kat |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Bert Date: 11 Mar 99 - 02:03 PM Catspaw, I think we need a liberal dose of wisecracks throughout Mudcat. If we gathered them all in one place those other threads would get real stuffy. (after all we can only stand so much technical discussion on swinging a hammer) So make 'em as the mood strikes. Bert. |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: reggie miles Date: 12 Mar 99 - 01:26 AM Thanks all for the postings both technical and others like this where you all share so much of yourselves. I'm new to this cyber-realm and this site but have found it to be a delightful place to prowl through and and post to. I'm very glad to have found it. Steve, perhaps for those of you who have had the old snip job, the big "V", a cream or jelly filled model. **grin** Just tryin' to help. Have you heard the Limelighters singing my friend Larry Heagle's song "Vasectomy". Reggie |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Art Thieme Date: 12 Mar 99 - 01:49 AM Well, I know the name of the song, but you people are so__________ that I'll be damed if I'd tell ya. Love, Artie |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Steve Parkes Date: 12 Mar 99 - 03:42 AM Not yet Reggie - It's only a matter of time though, knowing the 'Cat.
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 12 Mar 99 - 08:07 AM C'mon Art...You ARE DAMED, you're married. So pass on the answer...or not...personally, I don't give a dame. I'm very satisfied with Karen and I'm not into that swappin' thing. catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: katlaughing Date: 12 Mar 99 - 10:28 AM Artie & Catspaw, Did I miss something? Jean Redpath's sad song when played backwards is about swapping? Now, I AM totally confused! Pity, sirs, please take pity on this poor memory-challenged woman! It's not her fault the brain cells don't fire! ***grin***Kat(not)laughing, just crying a river |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Penny Date: 12 Mar 99 - 04:28 PM Can't say that all this thread has appealed to me, but I have to say that by comparison with another discussion area I have just investigated, run by a well known British liberal, or raving leftie (according to viewer) paper, you are, even when querulous and challenging, a friendly and welcoming bunch, and do not need to worry about lightening up at all.I shan't be going back there much. I can't keep away from here. I just wish you had not shown me the way to those hamsters! |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Rick Fielding Date: 12 Mar 99 - 06:16 PM Penny, why has this thread not appealed to you? Rick |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Robin McG Date: 12 Mar 99 - 07:09 PM There was a father and his little boy that went into a local drug store to pick up a prescription. While in the store the little boy came upon a rather large display for condoms. The little boy looked at all the brightly colored packages and different types and quanities. He asked "Daddy, what are these condom?" The father, stuttered, and said "Well, they are for protection from diseases when a man and a woman make love." The little boy contemplated the concept for a few moments and then asked "Then why do they come in packages of three?" The father coyly answered "Those are for young men in high school. One for Friday night, oe for Saturday night and one for Sunday afternoon." "uh-huh" said the little boy "then why are these in packges of six?" The father smiled"Those are for young men in college. There are two for Friday night, two for Saturday night and two for Sunday afternoon." "WOW" said the little boy in amazement. He then asked "Well, then why are these packaged a dozen at a time?" The father answered "Those, my son, are for marred men. One for January, one for February...." |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Art Thieme Date: 12 Mar 99 - 11:16 PM Hey, Kat, Please don't cry a river. You can: |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: katlaughing Date: 12 Mar 99 - 11:53 PM Well, Art, is that a clue? You know I am dyin' to get my hands on a cd of Jean's that has that song on it. It made me bawl my eyes out. I was overwhelmed with a great flood of overcoming emotions, great big bangs went off in my heart, I saw the world in true technicolour, I was spinning in the sky like Lucy, holding on to Gideon's like Rocky, twisting like Chubby, and wailing like Janis. I really want to experience all of THAT AGAIN!Pretty Please?! Hey, if that doesn't work, how 'bout I get rough with ya'? ***sadistic grin*** We have ways of making you talk, ya' know! Or type! kat
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Mar 99 - 12:09 AM Kat My Dear... That was your heart valve problem and you were having a stroke...Sorry. catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: katlaughing Date: 13 Mar 99 - 01:09 AM Whew! Catspaw, now I'll have to tell Rog it wasn't an orgasm!
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Penny Date: 13 Mar 99 - 12:00 PM Rick Fielding - the spirit of it has, or I wouldn't be here, but I'm an old fashioned sort of person, easily embarrassed. OK? You have to admit it changed subject a bit on the way down. |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: katlaughing Date: 13 Mar 99 - 12:41 PM Catspaw & Art, Please see the "jean redpath" thread...my pleas have been answered! By Jean, herself! Penny, sorry if we offended you. At least in cyberspace no one can see a person blush:-). Kat |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Rick Fielding Date: 13 Mar 99 - 01:18 PM Thanks Penny, I know what you mean. The first time a guitar thread veered off to a condom thread, I went "Whoops", but I've really gotten to appreciate the "raunchy" mudcatters. I can just picture the sly grins as they shake things up. Guess I'll have to get out all those Oscar Brand "Bawdy songs and Backroom Ballads" albums. The Ed McCurdy ones as well. |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Mar 99 - 01:35 PM Trust me Rick...my Mom undoubtedly is doing a few flips at minus six herself, but.....
"There is only what is; what should be never existed." Helluva' quote huh? That comes from being a philosophy major at a liberal arts college in the '60's. Kierkegaard, Buber, Sarte, Barth...all those great minds were bound to have an influence. 'Course that quote which I tend to live by comes from Lenny Bruce.........what can I say? Hey...a little input on the high line guitar thread would be welcome...I truly (no BS) admire your knowledge! catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Penny Date: 13 Mar 99 - 01:49 PM I said that it didn't appeal, not that I was offended, I am a teacher, after all. Trained to keep a straight face at all times. Thanks for the apology, though. |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: j0_77 Date: 13 Mar 99 - 02:20 PM Penny can you help me please :) |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Art Thieme Date: 13 Mar 99 - 03:23 PM For some reason the last line of my last post didn't post. It was: I fried a liver for you! Kat, I didn't know Jean did "Cry Me A River. Was that really the song? I can just see the CD title: "Jean Redpath Sings Julie London" Art |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Mar 99 - 04:02 PM Opens up a whole range of possibilities doesn't it? "Dave Van Ronk Does Perry Como's Greatest Hits" "Grace Slick Salute to the Carter Family" "Jean Ritchie Sings the Best of Janis Joplin" "Dylan and Dino...Together at the hungry i" "Pavarotti and Pete...the Elvis Tribute Album" This could go on all night........... catspaw |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: Rick Fielding Date: 13 Mar 99 - 04:21 PM Yeah, it could get really bizarre, like "The Chieftans" with "Van Morrison". Or how about "The Chieftans" with "Sinead O'Connor". Or my personal fantasy nightmare: "Bill Monroe with Emmy Lou Harris". Boy, I'd hate for that to ever become reality! |
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Subject: RE: Can we lighten up a little? From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Mar 99 - 04:54 PM Just take one sideways there Fielding old boy!!**grin** I was thinking............ "George Jones Covers the Clancey Brothers, with special Back-Up from Chuck Berry and Little Richard" "BeeGees Honor Concert for Willie, Waylon, and Hank" "Johnny Cash and Ernest Tubb...Tribute to the Everly Bros." GOTTA' STOP !!!!!! HELP!!!!!! AND RICK...Any opinion on high line guitars...I know you've had a few...howzabout a post? catspaw
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