50 ways to leave...female version

Subject: 50 ways to leave...female version
From: Cool Beans
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 10:42 AM

Shouldn't there be a female version of Paul Simon's "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover"? What got me started was (A) Paul Simon's in town (Detroit)tonight and (B) seeing Noel Coward's "Private Lives" the other day, which contains the line "Don't quibble, Sybil."
So I''m thinking...
Don't quibble, Sybil.
Face up to the truth, Ruth.
Just hop on a plane, Jane.
Your turn...

Subject: RE: 50 ways to leave...female version
From: dwditty
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 10:51 AM

Better get cruisin, Susan
Get a new man, Ann
Drink the tequila, Sheila (borrowed from Bobby Bare)
Just up and leave-a, Eva
Get a new phone, Joan

Subject: RE: 50 ways to leave...female version
From: Genie
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 11:43 AM

Don't sit there and moan, Joan,
Tell 'im farewell, Nell,
Hop on the tram, Pam,   (or "Tell 'im to scram, Pam")
Just listen to me.

Just clean up the mess, Tess,
Find a new boy, Joy,
Drop off the key, Bea   (or you could keep "Lee")
And set yourself free.

Subject: RE: 50 ways to leave...female version
From: Genie
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 12:00 PM

Just send him away, Fay,
Don't wait till Friday, Heidi,
Just take your best shot, Dot,
And let the man go.

Just blaze a new trail, Gail,
Let the guy go, Mo,
No need to be blue, Sue,
Just pucker and blow.    (My apologies to Lauren Bacall)

Other possibilities:

No need to be mean, Queen,
(Just make a new scene, Jean)
Just follow your bliss, Miss,
Hop on the ferry, Mary,
Tell him you're gone, Yvonne


or how about:
Just tell him you're queer, dear.
Scratch a new itch, bitch,
Just show 'im the do', ho,
And kiss 'im goodbye.

(No?) ;-D

Subject: RE: 50 ways to leave...female version
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 01:59 PM

Let go the tiller Camilla
Go for a wander Madonna
Eff off to Stilton Hilton
And set us all free

Let's all pillory Hilary
The world can quit on a Brittany
We shall gainsay Beyonce
And listen to Joanie

Go sit on a weiner Angelina
We don't give a toss Moss
You're way too burly Hurley
So listen to me.

Subject: RE: 50 ways to leave...female version
From: Genie
Date: 18 Oct 06 - 01:32 AM

Love it, Giok!

But I'd change it to:
Go straddle a wienie, Christina!

then I'd add:

Just clean up your mess, Jess.
Take care of the kid, Brit,
Have you no embarrass, Paris?
It's a myst'ry to me!

Genie

Subject: RE: 50 ways to leave...female version
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Oct 06 - 06:20 AM

Parody

50 Ways to Save a Baby

Sit down in the back, Jack ,
Or play with the lock, Doc
Get thrown in the bus, Gus
Just listen to me. Just break off the key, Lee
Squeeze in the glue, Sue
Shoot up the wall, Paul
Just listen to me.
You can write to the Hill, Jill
Or just blow up the mill, Bill
Get out your gun, Son
Don't stop with just one.
And get yo' se-e-e-elf three.

http://www.christiangallery.com/Fall97CACN.html

Sincerely,

Gargoyle

Subject: RE: 50 ways to leave...female version
From: Grab
Date: 18 Oct 06 - 12:56 PM

Possibly there's also the other-way-around starting-a-relationship version up for grabs - "50 ways to leave your mother".

I've also had half an eye on a mechanic's version for a while - "50 ways to shove a lever"...

Graham.