BS: Hey, Shane?

Subject: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Skivee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 04:31 PM

I was just watching a movie about a Canadian curling team.
I was wondering if you've ever done any curling??? And if so, since your distain of housekeeping is well known, where did you get the broom?

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Peace
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 04:33 PM

Ever since my hair thinned I have given up curling. However, I don't understand the reference to the broom.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: gnu
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 04:35 PM

HUUUUURRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! HHHHHAAARRRRDDDDD!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: bobad
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 05:05 PM

That's what she said at the Bell Canada picnic, gnu.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Skivee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 01:20 AM

Shane...are listening to me?
If you are out testing the ice to see if it will hold your weight, remember to walk carefully.
Did anybody up there hear a cracking sound???

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 06:46 AM

Shane usually doesn't get going till about noon. Hang on a few hours.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Raptor
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 06:54 AM

What the hell are you doing up so early LH?

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 07:16 AM

The sump pump is running and running...but not pumping. I got up to see why it kept running, and I have called a plumber. Darn thing must be plugged up with debris, I guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 07:29 AM

Wasn't he a cowboy??

Don't recall cowboys doing much curling, but then I've not seen 'Brokeback Mountain' yet....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 07:39 AM

The "original" Shane was a cowboy, yes. The Shane being referred to in this thread is an unemployed hoser who lives in Blind River, Ontario.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 08:25 AM

Yes, and he can't help it. It's society's fault that poor, poor Shane is the way he is. Or maybe it's the fault of the Liberal Party. One or the other, unless it's the fault of the preservatives in his food and drink.

See, when he was very young he was rejected by his parents (some said deservedly so) and forced to fend for himself. This was difficult for Shane, since he was only 24 years old when his parents threw him out of the house over some mixup about drugs, booze, and an underage girl (his brother Don really did it all).

Anyway, Shane sucks the residue from old beer bottles and other things and otherwise lives (as much as anyone can) in Blind River.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 08:58 AM

Excellent character study, Rapaire! Shane's situation indeed is one that would tear the heart of any thinking person, and reduce some to tears, I'm sure.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 11:24 AM

There are some like him, although not as pathetic, in the Idaho Legion.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 11:48 AM

AT last! Something Shane can aspire to!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Skivee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 01:13 PM

I think you guys are being too harsh on Shane. If you had the same handicaps that he has had to endure...the rejection by his parents, the rejection by his brother, the rejection by the lovely Officer Dana, OPD, the rejection of most of the rest of society; not to mention the inbreeding of his clan that has resulted in one eye being way too close to his nose while the other is way too far away, then you might not be as proud of your so-called progress as you seem to be.( Was that sentence too long)?
I'm still hoping that he will return soon from his job as a hoser at that car wash at fourth and Hudson so he can answer my question...the one about the Curling, not the one about the grammer.
Has anyone seen him lately? I'd hate to think that something had happened to him. Maybe his bookcase fell on him and he's pinned under his Encyclopedia Brittanica.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 01:54 PM

Yeah right... What the flip!? Youse peeple are a bucnch of total flippin' idoits and loosers.

Curling is a game for wusses! You will never find a real MAN playin' that flippin' game, lemme tell ya. Geez. Real men don't use brooms. Never. Got that? Real men don't even flippin' know HOW to use a broom. It ain't in their jeans, eh? (But ya know what is in their jeans...BADDA-BADDA-BOOM!...line up, ladies!)

Rap;aire is tellin' stories aobut me again, eh? Well, he is a total flippin' retread who don't know flip-all about nothin'. He is the capitle "L" in the word looser. Look up "looser" in the dickshionary and you will find his life story as the flippi'n defitintoion! Har! Har!

It is true that I have had a sorta tough life, there is no dowt about that, eh, but you gotta have a tough life if ya wanna grow up to be a man, eh? I dont' regret none of it. I have, like, carved out my own flippin' nitch in the animals of Canadian flippin' MANhood in my own flippin' way and I got no regrets. None. Not one. Not even a teentsy little tiny regret. No sir. Not me. No flippin' WAY, eh?

This is my advice about curling: Leave it to the middle-age ladies and their fat, majorly uncool dipwad husbands. REal men play hockey, fight, and drink. NOt nesecesarily in that flippin' order, but that's what they do. And they have a lotta sex too, of coarse, but that goes without sayin', eh? Know'm sayin'?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 02:02 PM

Aha! I knew it would happen eventually. Like the sun, Shane also rises...by 1:54 pm.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Skivee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 02:09 PM

So, Shane, this is something you feel strongly about?

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 02:51 PM

Shane is a cult on the 85 billion thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 02:57 PM

Shane has pretty strong opinions on most things. Just ask him. If you are looking for an all-knowing oracle who will tell you exactly where it stands on the burning issues of our day, Shane is, like, it, eh? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 03:06 PM

Don't flippin' use them foreign swear wrods on me, Little Hawk! Talk like a flippin' Canadian or don't talk at all.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 04:50 PM

"They have a lotta sex too, of coarse."??

Using sandpaper condoms? Or just the way they proceed.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Skivee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 05:50 PM

So, Shane, what are those big stones for?

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 06:40 PM

REal men play hockey, fight, and drink. NOt nesecesarily in that flippin' order, but that's what they do. And they have a lotta sex too, of coarse, but that goes without sayin', eh? Know'm sayin'?

Yeah, yeah, dude, maybe in Blond River, On-terry-oh, but out here in Idaho we do all of those things AT THE SAME TIME. That's why the REAL men moved West, whether to Idaho or Alberta or BC or anyplace West of Thunder Bay. You know what they say: "The cowards never started."

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: bobad
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 06:43 PM

Yeah sure but in Ontario we do it with other human beans not cattle.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 06:47 PM

Oh, everyone else in Ontario is normal....

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 10:00 PM

LOL! (snort) Good one, bobad!

Shane has looked high and low (well, mostly low to tell the truth) for willing and completely stupid women with whom to maintain his massive studmuffin reputation (as he sees it). Never was so much attempted on so many females with so few actual conquests. At least that's what Don told me. Don claims that his "baby brother" has only been with 2 girls who weren't very seriously drunk or stoned at the time, and those two did it on a bet! Don, on the other hand, almost always seems to have willing female company, kind of like Julian in "Trailer Park Boys". This may be because Don has a real job most of the time. He works as a mechanic at the local garage. He says that Shane has drunk over 50% of his earnings in the past 5 years and has not grown nearly enough dope to pay for it. I wonder sometimes how those two can live together, but I guess they got used to it. Besides, they need someone to insult and pick on in a joking way, and that's what brothers are for, eh? If they weren't brothers, they would've stopped talking long ago. Or someone would've got killed.

When the chips are really down, though, they stick up for each other. Like when they're in jail, for example. Like Springsteen says, "there ain't nothin' like blood on blood". Don got himself arrested one time just so he could protect Shane who was already in the joint for stealing a police speedboat and running it onto the rocks at Manitoulin Island, where it sank. Don stole a cruiser instead, right in broad daylight, led them a merry chase for a few miles, and then surrendered peacefully in the Tim Horton's parking lot after ordering a large box of Timbits for the cops to show his goodwill. They granted his wish and put him in the same cell with Shane, as usual.

These guys are livin' the rural Canadian dream, man. It's kind of touching in a strange sort of way.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Cluin
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 02:34 AM

You are playing with fire, LH.

You've invented a whole back story and motivation for this figment of your imagination that you originally created for purposes of release when you feel the need to masturbate.

Beware!

Next you'll be blaming this Shane for things that happen around you.

"I didn't do it! It was Shane! He's baaaaaaaad..."

Tell the truth! He's already engaging you in conversations as you drift off to sleep, isn't he? It's gotten that far, hasn't it?

Just stop it now before it goes too far!

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 02:52 AM

It is not Shane that I think about when that need comes over me, Cluin...

But, hey, you may have a point. Sometimes when I look in the mirror...just for a second or two...I think I see Shane staring back at me!!!

Sheesh. Maybe I should get help, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Cluin
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 03:01 AM

Y'know, I'm just sayin'...

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 02:52 PM

Your presence is required on the 85 billion thread. Please report in asap.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Peace
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 02:53 PM

SHANE

SHANE

SHANE

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 03:02 PM

This is Moncton ACC. This is Moncton ACC. SAHANESHANESHANE. Come back your info on 999. All others calm....

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Cluin
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 03:08 PM

Shane of fools...

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 03:09 PM

Opened this thinking it was about Cricket....

My mistake....I'll be going now!

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Peace
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 03:10 PM

You know what 999 is in Australia? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 04:20 PM

This is Moncton ACC. This is Moncton ACC. Calm calm calm and clear on 999. Observing SAHANESHANESHANE. Do you have an emergency? Do you need assistance? All others calm....

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 04:26 PM

Hey. You think this ACC job is a piece of cake? Up all night? Playing cards for six hours getting ready for two hours of complete tight asshole?

Yo. Shane. This is Moncton ACC... you got a fuckin problem? I got 900 pieces of traffic inbound! Speak ta fuck up!

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Skivee
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 05:50 PM

Shane, I see where there's not much ice and snow in Canada right now.
Is this the real reason you haven't been curling...too rough on the knees while sliding across the dry concrete rink?

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Cluin
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 06:43 PM

It's more to the fact that there's no ice to keep the beer cold when you set it down.

Curling is a great sport. Any sport that you can do while holding a beer is okay in my book. Curling, darts, pool, channel surfing...

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 09:01 AM

Shane... you got any aces?

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 09:20 AM

Go fish. Shane is, well, unconscious. Again.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Emma B
Date: 05 Jan 07 - 07:42 AM

hi Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 05 Jan 07 - 01:19 PM

The fliphead is in jail again. Read all about it in the 85 billion thread. I don't think they will keep him in too long this time, eh? But you can't say fer sure. I hope I do not have to get myself arrested again in case he needs help in there. He might need his big brother's pertection, eh? I really don't like missin' the ice fishin' season. But there aint' much ice now anyways cos it's been so flippin' warm lately.

You would not fippin' beelieve what the idiot did this time. Trust me, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 May 07 - 07:19 PM

And now he's been abducted by aliens. Never a dull moment, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 09:49 PM

Assuming that the abductee IS who you think it is, yes. Or rather no. Or maybe maybe.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 May 07 - 06:30 PM

It seems that they have given him a general cleanup and replaced his clothing with space duds. I hope the extreme shock to his immune system doesn't cause him to fall ill.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 14 May 07 - 02:00 PM

Will Officer Dana recognize him if he ever finds her? Now that I think about it, maybe it would be better if she didn't.

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 14 May 07 - 03:40 PM

I don't flippin' beleeve all that stuff about the little brother bein' kidnapt by flippin' aliens. I will nto beleeve it till I hear it direckt from him, eh?

But if it is true...I hope to flip that the part about the beer is right cos if it is...then that wuold make for the flippin' great3est beer heist EVER by a McBride!   

- Don

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: Gurney
Date: 14 May 07 - 06:09 PM

I've noticed that Shane has used the term 'looser' before.
I wonder if it is a mis-spelling, or if he is using it in the way nurses do when they speak of loose stools?


Perhaps Don would 'beleeve' it about the abduction if he heard it from the aliens themselves?

Subject: RE: BS: Hey, Shane?
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 14 May 07 - 08:49 PM

Yer flippin' right I would beleeve it if I hearn it from the aliens! But I ain't gonna. Trust me. There ain't no aliens out there nowheres. Just a lotta stars and empty space and a few flippin' astronuts, eh?

About the word looser. My little brother can't spell too good so he is too stewpid to know that it is sapposed to be spelled loozer. Okay?

- Don McBride