Song Challenge! Part 40

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:16 AM

Thanks, MMario. As I write I've only got 8 left to do!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:15 AM

Thanks, MMario. As I write I've only got 8 left to do!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: MMario
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:09 AM

If the state police don't catch you; we're sending for the Feds!

Inspired!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 05:00 AM

To the tune of "Tom Dooley"

THE BALLAD OF SAM FELDMAN
CHORUS
Hang your head, Sam Feldman
Hang you head and cry
You've crushed a lot of cookies
Now you'll pay the price
You've crushed a lot of cookies
And spoiled a lot of bread
If the state police don't catch you
Were sending for the Feds

In the state of Pennsylvania
For years your terror raged
It was as if some cookie fiend
Had gone on the rampage
Crumbs, and nuts and chocolate chips
At the scene of crime
The supermarket boss is worried
For his bottom line

CHORUS

We've installed CCTV
To catch you in the act
We've seen you pinch and prod and punch
Our cookies you have wrecked
We've seen you act maliciously
And now we must resort
To try your case judiciously
Within the District Court

CHORUS

The judge's face it darkened
When he viewed the videotape
"Anything to add" he asked
"Before I shut this case"
"I thought I'd get away
But I reckon I've been rumbled
A pain in the ass, but then I guess
That's how the cookie crumbles"

CHORUS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 03 Jan 01 - 03:36 PM

Dear Kevin,

To satisfy any of you Challenge!rs sense of closure on this matter ;-), I searched and found this story on MSNBC.com from November 21, 2000:

THE 38-YEAR-OLD ADVERTISING executive, convicted of squeezing, poking and crumbling $1,000 worth of baked goods during criminally finicky shopping sprees in suburban Philadelphia, was sentenced this week to 180 days' probation - 90 days each for the bread and the cookies.

He was also ordered to pay $1,000 restitution. 'You engaged in behavior that was not just odd, it was criminal,' the Philadelphia Inquirer quoted Bucks County Judge David Heckler as telling Feldman at a Monday sentencing hearing. 'You caused harm to people.'

Sensationalized as the 'Cookie Crumbler' by local news outlets, Feldman was accused of manhandling bread and cookies at suburban supermarkets over a two-year period that ended in 1999, when he moved to Las Vegas.

Police charged him with two counts of criminal mischief. He denied wrongdoing at a September trial, even though footage from in-store surveillance cameras showed him poking and prodding boxes of cookies and running his hands over dozens of loaves of bread.

Two bakeries claimed that Feldman caused irreparable damage to products worth nearly $8,000 in total.

Feldman's wife testified at trial that he was simply a picky shopper who wanted to ensure freshness for his family.

The judge said his actions rose to the level of vandalism and worried that a recent psychiatric report quoted the accused as saying the real bread squeezer was still on the loose.

But the sentencing hearing did produce an admission, the Inquirer reported. 'I do touch too much bread, yes, more than the next person,' the newspaper quoted Feldman as telling the court, with a lowered head and a slight voice.

Ahh, I feel much better now, knowing that Sam's gotten his just desserts . . . ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 03 Jan 01 - 02:56 PM

I read somewhere in the paper over the holidays the guy has recently actually come up for sentending - but with ione thing or another I never got to reading what happened to him. Any newsaholics who can track it down and tell us?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 03 Jan 01 - 02:39 PM

Al and Larry Boy -- Great (better late than never) additions to this Challenge! Your songs have both been awarded the prestigious Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon for giving the Keeper of the Book a great laugh once again, and have been entered into the Tome of Challenges! Cudos, thanks and congrats to both of you. ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jan 01 - 04:45 PM

boy did that mess up...

Calling Joe and/or clone!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jan 01 - 04:39 PM

Al - *officially* according to section III sup-paragraph four of the rules, (or maybe it was Section VII, sup-paragraph XX.VIII.a) the challenges never close.

larry boy - for line breaks see the new-comers FAQ thread at the top of the list, under handy HTML tricks.

welcome to the mudcat.

BTW - as a coda to this, I heard recently on the Radio that this man has been sentenced and fined for the damage he did to the bread.

fixed by elf

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: GUEST,Larry Boy Pratt
Date: 02 Jan 01 - 04:28 PM

OK, so what is the trick in getting the line breaks? I cut and pasted from MS Word. Do I need to write it directly into the box?

Sorry for the run on sentences.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: GUEST,Larry Boy Pratt
Date: 02 Jan 01 - 04:25 PM

I'm new to this, so here goes with apologies to Sonny Boy Williamson.

Take Your Hands Off of My Wrapper

Take your hands off of my wrapper
There ain't nothin' in there that belongs to you
Take your hands off of my wrapper
There ain't nothin' in there that belongs to you
If you don't stop squeezin my wrapper
I'm going to have to call the police on you

Take your fingers out of my cookies
That fruit filling is just fine without you
Take your fingers out of my cookies
That fruit filling is just fine without you
If you don't stop feelin' 'round my cookies
I'm going to have to tell your wife on you.

You poke my cookies, squeeze my bread,
And flatten out my cream puff.
Please stop beatin on my baked goods,
I have had about had enough
Take your hands off of my wrapper
There ain't nothin' in there that belongs to you
If you don't take your hands off my wrapper
I'm going to have to call the police on you

line breaks fixed by elf

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: GUEST,Al Boyce
Date: 02 Jan 01 - 04:05 PM

Oops! I had this written before I read that the challenge was closed. Oh well.... Enjoy!

- Al

PAWS IN THE DOUGH
(Tune: Rosin the Beau)

The Feldmans would go out shopping
When their pantry supplies would grow low,
While his wife would select all the groceries,
Sam just puts his paws in the dough.

CHORUS:
Sam just puts his paws in the dough
Sam just puts his paws in the dough
Whenever his wife takes him shopping
Sam just puts his paws in the dough

(on subsequent verses replace the third line of the chorus with the third line of the verse.)

They'd start out at Piggly-Wiggly,
To the A&P then they would go,
In the markets of east Pennsylvania,
Sam just put his paws in the dough.

While his wife was perusing the poultry,
Sam to the pastries would go,
And when she was deciding on duckling,
Sam just put his paws in the dough.

He'd deliberately fondle foccacia,
He'd crush the croissants in a row,
And he'd mangle the muffins and matzohs,
Sam just put his paws in the dough.

At last when Sam was apprehended,
The baker was angry, just so!
He said, "Sam you owe Eight thousand dollars
For putting your paws in my dough!"

So next time you strangle a struedel,
Throw breadsticks around to and fro,
When playing with bagels, remember...
Sam just put his PAWS in the dough!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Jan 01 - 07:53 PM

Mangling the loaves
Mangling the loaves
He will be arrested
For mangling the loaves...

to the tune of 'Bringing in the sheaves'...

LTS Remember, I was very, very drunk....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 11:30 AM

thank you, Golden Cow Chip Princess!!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 09:46 AM

Hey there Micca! It's always great to have you in on a Challenge! And of course, no Challenge! is ever really over. That's a wunnerful, wunnerful entry, and you are hereby awarded the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster, AND a Silver B.L.O.B. for:

As we go shopping, shopping
We're shopping too for cakes
And they are being broken
And let there be no mistake
they're setting hidden cameras
And when the market closes
Then they'll have coloured pictures
Of the man mangling the lo---oves

Maith thú a stór!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:02 AM

Aine, sorry to me so late in on this one, here is an "Offering" too
Bread and retribution By Micca
Tune Bread and Roses

As we went shopping ,shopping
In the hypermart shed
I was alarmed and startled
by the sudden call for bread
and there upon the shelving
as the supermarket clos-ed
there was nothing left but mangled
Cookies, cakes and bread lo—oves

As we go shopping, shopping
We're shopping too for cakes
And they are being broken
And let there be no mistake
they're setting hidden cameras
And when the market closes
Then they'll have coloured pictures
Of the man mangling the lo---oves

Now he is sitting, sitting
In the sad courtroom line
And he expects probation
Or a large and nasty fine
For he's been caught red handed
As the supermarket closes
A fondling others buns
And of mangling the lo-oves

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 10:01 PM

Alrightey there, Naemanson, I'll add that last verse to your ditty -- But, please darlin', don't mix your Robutusin with the hot toddies anymore, OK? ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Naemanson
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 09:57 PM

Ooo, ooo ooo! I thought of another!

But now I'm out in cyberspace,
You'll find I'm very hard to trace,
I flit about from place to place,
Your Mudcat cookies I'll erase.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Naemanson
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 08:09 PM

Thank You, All. I was so impressed with the other entries I didn't want to write one. I feel special being included with such a talented bunch.

And you're right DB, once you get past the scratchiness...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 07:22 PM

Dear Naemanson,

If ya can't brown-nose to win a Cow Chip, when can ya? ;-) Again, congrats on your new status as a Master Song Challenge!r (and one of the sweetest brown-nosers I know!). *BG*

-- Áine (a/k/a The Cow Chip Princess)

P.S. It's nice to know that the Tufts aren't that bad -- besides, now we'll all know you by your walk *LOL*)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Dharmabum
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 07:12 PM

To be honest with ya Naem, once ya get past the scratchiness it feels kinda nice. Tho, it does make ya walk kinda funny.

Congrats on a job well done! Ron.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 07:07 PM

Well, Challenge!rs, I think you've said it all about this topic -- and you've been brilliant! Here are your well-earned awards. Cudos, Congrats, and Thanks to each and every one of you:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):
The Cookie Crusher Strikes Again by McGrath of Harlow
Cookiemangler by Mbo
Doughboy Sam by emily b
My Carbohydrate Things by Dharmabum
Sammy's Song by mousethief

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):
The Cookie Pokey by Fibula Mattock
Little Sammy Squeezer by Kim C
Mr. Feldman, The Bun-squeezing Man by mousethief
Strange Things In The Bread Section by Bardford

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):
The Baker Boys Lament by Dharmabum
Big Bad Sam by mousethief
Sam The Bun by Catrin
Will The Cookies Be All Broken by Dharmabum

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield (Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield is given to the best blues rendition of any challenge topic):
Bread Squeezin' Blues by Bradypus

Winners of the Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts (The Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts Award is given to the Challenge!rs who use ten or more Challenge! topics in one song):
Bread Loaf, Bread Loaf, Why Sit You There by Naemanson

Note To All Challenge!rs: A special announcement concerning the Whole Bag O' Chips Special Award (The Whole Bag O' Chips Award is given to the Challenge!rs who have won all the other Challenge! awards possible) -- Where before this award excluded the "Two-Fer-One" and "All-In-One Genius" awards, from now on it will include those two awards as prerequisites for earning the Whole Bag O' Chips.

I hope that you all are ready for the next Challenge! -- It was sent in by Bert and I think you're gonna get some real hands-on experience out of it . . . ;-) See ya tomorrow for some more fun,

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Naemanson
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 07:02 PM

There I was, just loafing around, when I thought I should write one more crumby verse. Rye-ly I settled down at the keyboard. With a mumbled prayer I croissant myself and settled down to work. Fortunately I found I could rise to the occasion, at yeast one more time. All I kneaded was inspiration. So I bagel your indulgence for one more verse.

Aine is queen of Challenger's all,
She sets 'em up, we make them fall,
When she reads them she's so pleased,
When she finds her buns have been squeezed!

Or is this toast considered a browned nose verse?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 06:20 PM

We knew you had it in ya, Naemanson!! See what talent can do, even if it has the sniffles?!? Well done, Challenge!r, and I do hope you will enjoy your newly bestowed O.A.I.O.G., P.T.! -- Although the other two recipients have complained about some scratchiness... ;-)

All other Golden Chips et al. to be awarded later this evening.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Naemanson
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 04:26 PM

There I was sitting at home, watching a movie and suffering with this cold, not wanting to do anything. then I said maybe I'll check in with the old Mudcat. And what do I find? Cheering hordes egging me on to flights of inspiration that I may not be up to. So I dragged the keyboard closer and leave these words as my last breath escapes my body.

There's one batch of cookies almost done me in,
They were setting in the window of a kitchen
Catrin's cookies were easy to crack,
But I tasted my fingers and almost went back

Lucky Charms I did crunch 'em too,
In the box it was one hard job to do
But I foiled the Mudcatters in their toil,
When they looked inside their songs were spoiled.

And so the judge he says to me,
You're sentenced to the penitentiary
A court psychologist you must meet
After they pry him from the outhouse seat.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Naemanson
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 04:04 PM

Oh how can I resist. Let me review the previous cahllenges and see what I can come up with.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Catrin
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 03:08 PM

Three cheers for Naemanson!!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 02:15 PM

OK, Naemanson, just to give you some more encouragement; here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

When Uncle Harry left the cops perplexed,
I squeezed their donuts and left them vexed,
The dungmeister's sandwich I did too
Though I cringed to see it held brown goo.

Although, I have to say that it was extremely difficult picking just one 'cherry' verse out of that song -- C'mon Naemanson - go for the Platinum!!!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Dharmabum
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 01:17 PM

WHOOF,WHOOF,WHOOF,WHOOF,WHOOF,WHOOF,WHOOF,

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 01:17 PM

Naemanson: I like "bread-handed." LOL!

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 01:03 PM

C'mon Naemanson, c'mon Naemanson, c'mon Naemanson ...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 08:33 PM

YEE-HAW AND ALL RIGHT, NAEMANSON!!!! You've qualified for the Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon (The Two-Fer-One Coupon is awarded to those Challenge!rs who use two or more Challenge! topics in one song) -- You've got SEVEN topics so far . . . With just THREE more, you'll win the Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts Award (The Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts Award is given to the Challenge!rs who use ten or more Challenge! topics in one song).

C'mon Naemanson, c'mon Naemanson, c'mon Naemanson -- We're all rootin' fer ya, baby!!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Naemanson
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 07:45 PM

Well, I didn't think inspiration would strike until too late. I was beginning to worry that I couldn't be inspired while suffering from this damn cold. But this came to me today and I jotted it down. Hope you like it.

Use the tune to the Sailor's Grace. The title is also the first line.

Bread loaf, Bread loaf, why sit you there,
Safe on the shelf without a care,
All wrapped up and stacked so neat
The white bread, rye bread, bran and wheat.

Then you know who comes along
Old Sam Feldman with fingers strong
When his wife has turned around,
He crushes you and puts you down.

Even cookies feel his grip,
He grabs them quick and his thumb he slips,
Under the cellophane and into the goo
The thumb presses fast and your crumbs too.

The managers at the Giant store,
Put up with this for 3 years or more,
Video cameras they then installed
To jail the criminal to haul.

Feldman's fetish runs so deep
That baked goods into his dreams they creep,
Rack on rack of bread and cakes
He crushes them as quick as they're baked.

They caught Sam in the act they did,
Caught him bread handed just like a kid.
They arrested him and hauled him to jail,
I'm innocent they heard him wail.

I squeeze bread just like everyone,
Never been arrested though I've squeezed a ton.
I've squeezed bread on a mermaid boat,
And at the wake of circus bloke.

When Uncle Harry left the cops perplexed,
I squeezed their donuts and left them vexed,
The dungmeister's sandwich I did too
Though I cringed to see it held brown goo.

In Sperlonga I went to drink
Coffee black and in a wink,
When she wasn't looking I reached out
And crumbled the biscuits all about.

But now my crumbing days are o'er
They took me to jail and closed the door.
My only friend in this lousy bitch
Thinks M&M's will make him rich.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 07:03 PM

Sorry, I've just lost it. Haven't been able to retrieve what I had thought was pretty decent. MAYBE later, but go on without me. Thanx for your patience.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 06:41 PM

Just refreshing this for DaveO...

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 06:55 PM

Brilliant! Dave O -- We'll wait for you to eat some birthday cake and get some bakery good inspiration. Can't wait to see what you come up with!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 06:26 PM

Hold on a bit. I was awake with this for about an hour last night in bed, had it just about written in my head. Mighty pleased with myself. When I sat down to a piece of paper today, it's gone, but I know the song I'll sing it to and the general approach. Going to a family birthday celebration tonight, but I should probably have it in tomorrow.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 06:20 PM

OK, Challenge!rs -- Is that it? Have you all exhausted yourselves on the bread fetish issue? Are we done with this one? Let me know, 'cos I've got another great Challenge! waiting in the wings . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Catrin
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 05:47 AM

Claps and claps and applauses!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: MMario
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 11:40 PM

The keeper of the book doesn't contribute often, but when she does it's always a winner!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 08:15 PM

Thank you, thank you very much... ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Dharmabum
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 07:49 PM

Thunderous applause & standing ovation.

YAY Aine!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 07:21 PM

Alrightey then, Challenge!rs, put on your top hats, tails and tap shoes -- It's time for putting on the Ritz (cracker, that is!):

Bread Does Something To Me
(Tune: You Do Something To Me, with abject apologies to Cole Porter)

Bread does something to me,
Something that makes me feel so squishy,
Yeast has a pull over me,
Watching it rise can hypnotize me.
I'm totally under its spell,
Let dough do that voodoo that dough does so well,
For bread does something to me,
That nobody else can do.

When I cram my thumb into jam,
It's better than any slam, bam, thanks ma'am,
I feel like a full charging ram,
Even though many call me 'Mad Sam',
When I choke a croissant,
I change from depressive to a bon vivant,
For bread does something to me,
That nobody else can do.

(Orchestral bridge with plenty of violins . . . Solo tap dance with single pink cell spot on center stage . . . that's it, step-ball-change, step-ball-change, slide, slide, wash the windows, wash the windows, slow turn tipping top hat and pointing cane to the four corners . . . Orchestra gently flows back into the melody for song . . .)

But when I was caught in the act,
Exposed, I had to face the fact that,
Buns, bread and bagels so fat,
Could bring me too soon to requiescat,
So I've got a new tune,
Playing Elvis in Vegas at weddings 'till noon,
For bread does something to me,
(Orchestra builds...) That nobody else can do!
(Down on one knee, holding top hat and cane out to each side)

Thunderous applause and a standing ovation!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 05:59 PM

Geez, Ron, you didn't make it at all easy this time to pick a verse for your Silver B.L.O.B.; but, this is the one I finally decided was my favourite:

The doctors all tell me I have a condition,
The police just tell me assume the position,
I hear little voices inside of my head,
They keep telling me to squeeze loaves of bread.

Ooohhh -- my sides are hurting from laughing all day! Keep going, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 05:54 PM

Some amazing stuff here. Keep going, we're on a roll! (How appropriate that expression suddenly seems...)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: MMario
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 05:22 PM

"My carbohydrate thing?"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 05:21 PM

DB, that's a pure riot! Aine, Silver Blob for this man! The part about the search & destroy gets it!

Boy, it must be the combination of Oasis, and a cool Friday afternoon, but I can't stop laughing!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Dharmabum
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 05:18 PM

WOW, you guys have really come up with some kick ass challanges on this one!

I could use a title for this one.

Sung to {these are a few of my favorite things}

Squashing the hot dog rolls makes my heart flutter,
Mangling bread loaves with tops made of butter,
Destroying a donut just makes my heart sing,
Raising hell in the market's my favorite thing.

Squeezing the cupcakes with sweet frosted topping,
Once I get started there just ain't no stopping,
Smashing the cookies with my clenched fist,
Where are the Twinkies they're next on my list.

{Chorus}
When the boss yells,
When the wife's pissed,
When I'm feeling sad,
I take it out on a box of Ding Dongs,
Then I don't feeeeeeeelllllll,
Soooooooo Baaaaaaaad.

I'm on a mission to search & destroy,
With a gleam in my eye I look rather coy,
It looks like a warzone in my aftermath,
When the bakery isle has suffered my wrath.

The doctors all tell me I have a condition,
The police just tell me assume the position,
I hear little voices inside of my head,
They keep telling me to squeeze loaves of bread.

{Chorus}
When the boss yells,
When the wife's pissed,
When I'm feeling sad,
I take my frustration out on some whole wheat,
Then I don't feeeeeellllll,
Soooooooo Baaaaaaad.

Ron.

Can't you just picture Julie Andrews singing this one?

line breaks added by elf/joeclone

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 03:25 PM

What the heck happened here?!? I go off to the park with my ankle biters, and what do I come back to but interminable thread creep!! *BG* Mbo, Fibula, consider your buns spanked for all this chit-chatting (Mbo - get that sly smile off your face, now...)

Well, at least there are two more great Challenge! songs to award Silver B.L.O.B.s to, so here we go:

To Mbo for:

The cookies aisle's empty and I'm all alone
I gotta dip my thumb into a buttered scone
And crumble English muffins until there's naught left but cornpone

To mousethief for:

And if you find it helps your mind better squeeze 'em fast
It's a blast
Wish that I could make it last

Well done, both of you!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: mousethief
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 12:44 PM

Ya caught me, ya ol' funnybone!

Never been caught by the mousepolice, thankfully. Don't get the Jethro Tull reference.

clueless in Seattle,
Alex
O..O
=o=