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BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds...
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 29 Jul 04 - 12:48 PM ". . . entertainment. . . ." Why do you think I'm writing up the saga of you early days, Marty? Pure entertainment (well . . . because it's about you, it can't be all that pure). And it's cute that you keep accusing me of trying to sound intellectual when all I am is a pair of typing hands channeling the soul of a raccoon. But then, to you, a soup can label would probably sound intellectual. The reason Marty "scans and pans" is that he can't read without moving his lips as he points at the words. He gets dirty finger marks all over his computer screen and after reading more than a paragraph or two, he has to stop because his mouth is tired (not to mention his brain—actually, it's hard to mention his brain at all without having to suppress a guffaw!). That explains the scanning part. He pans anything he doesn't understand, and if you write anything longer than a couple of sentences, by the time he reaches the last sentence, he's forgotten the first, so of course it doesn't make sense to him. It really amazes me that he's able to handle a word like "intellectual." It's five whole syllables! Now, if he only had at least a foggy idea of what the word means. . . . Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 29 Jul 04 - 12:43 AM I find it is so understimulating, Marty, to one's intellect (and somewhat depressing) when someone obviously desirous of engaging me in a batle of wits turns up with only half the normal issue of armament. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Once Famous Date: 28 Jul 04 - 10:06 PM No, I've always claimed that Martin Gibson is a fake name and a character that I care to portray on this forum only. Why? For my own entertainment as I have been saying. And if you had any brains, you would realize I was directing my statement at pseudo-intellectuals like yourself who do very little but wasting their time trying to one-up someone as myself, who doesn't give a shit what you say or do. get it now? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 28 Jul 04 - 10:04 PM "Intellectuals do greater things than that. They don't hang around web forums just pretending to be intellectuals. " Sorry to see you leave Marty. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 28 Jul 04 - 09:59 PM Well Said MG! "someone in cyberspace using a fake name" Your mirror is broken? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Once Famous Date: 28 Jul 04 - 09:37 PM No, "Fool" stroupe the motto of Uncle-Intellectual. Scan and pan, as in wasting one's time with shit writing that's posing as intellectual. It's not. How can someone be an intellectual barbing everyday with someone in cyberspace using a fake name while they are getting a kick out of it? Intellectuals do greater things than that. They don't hang around web forums just pretending to be intellectuals. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: GUEST Date: 28 Jul 04 - 09:05 PM Get the damn Dell. Spaw! We miss you and need you. With Martin being a smacked ass all the time, it's getting boring. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 28 Jul 04 - 09:02 PM "Scan and Pan" - the motto of the Anti-Intellectual. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Once Famous Date: 28 Jul 04 - 08:19 PM Dickens How about just a dick. Hey Don. Paint a little hole on the top of your head and put a big rubber band around your ears and you and your schmuck could pose as twins. I still find your writing much less interesting than anything else I've taken the time to just scan................and pan. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 28 Jul 04 - 06:08 PM Thank you, jacqui.c. That is my fond ambition. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 28 Jul 04 - 04:23 PM This thread is like the song....
There was a little bird ASSHOLE - ASSHOLE - ASSHOLE
If little turd didn't keep pumping his own colon - this thread would have atrophied and died.
Sincerely, |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: jacqui.c Date: 28 Jul 04 - 02:28 PM Keep going Don - you could become Mudcat's Charles Dickens. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 28 Jul 04 - 02:24 PM KayPro II, anybody? I just thought I'd report in. I just had another channeling contact with Cyril. He felt that Marty should know that it is possible that he was not totally abandoned by she who bore him. As you may recall, she who bore him fled the Dumpster in panic and disgust after first glimpsing what she had just let . . . loose on an unsuspecting world. Considering his pathetic state (which has remained pretty much the same all these years), one might think that she was a bit callous deserting Well, Cyril (the soul of The Vererable Bede and many, many others, including Voltaire, reincarnated in the form of a city-dwelling raccoon) told me that, after he encouraged Marty to leave the relative safety and security of the Dumpster that had been his life-long home and try to build a life in the Outside World, he (Cyril) often returned, just to check the latest menu to be found in the Dumpster. The overgrown vacant lot in which he lived offered little in the way of comestibles, and he had found that Dumpsters, particularly those behind restaurants and apartment buildings, frequently offered a good variety of nutritional treats. Anyway, during his frequent visits to the Dumpster in question, Cyril noted a strange, recurring event. Regularly, once a year—as best as he could recall from what Marty had told him, on the anniversary of the night in which Marty was Cyril wanted Marty to know. (I'm all choked up.) Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Blackcatter Date: 28 Jul 04 - 12:17 AM My old Commodore 64 is still around somewhere. Uses tha new-fangled cassette tape drive. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Amos Date: 28 Jul 04 - 12:03 AM Try an IMAC, Spawzer!! You'll never regret it!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: catspaw49 Date: 27 Jul 04 - 11:45 PM Actually Amos, even with the shinola at present, I'd be here more often except this old computer has just about had it. dodgy ethernet card along with old age makes Roadrunner slow even!!!! Sometimes it makes it not at all!!! This thing was new when I signed on here in '98 and I've gotten great service but the times ain't just a changin', they done changed. I now require a reboot about 10 times a day and sometimes then the damn thing still won't work...........***sigh***........... Hello?......Dell?.......We need to talk............. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Georgiansilver Date: 27 Jul 04 - 07:03 PM Was actually talking to someone I consider an intellegent and articulate friend Amos. If you choose to choke and spew over my offerings that's up to you. Be Blessed. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Peter K (Fionn) Date: 27 Jul 04 - 07:03 PM Good thread you started here LH. I've not had time to read it all, as I've been away a few days. But I must pick you up on the suggestion that Teribus and Wolfgang are similar. I had you down as a Mudcatter gifted with rare insight until I saw this. And you didn't leave it there. You said BOTH were like DougR! I expect I'll soon be reading that all three are like William Shatner. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Jul 04 - 06:49 PM Those who want things to be funnier must themselves do something about it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Amos Date: 27 Jul 04 - 06:23 PM GS: I don't think anyone on the Cat wants to get any snogs from you. We're too busy choking and spewing all those goddamed blessings. Thanks, Spaw. It is very encouraging to see you crawl out of the woodwork once a month and tell us how much funnier things used to be!! At least it helps reinforce my confidence that my meory still works. :>) A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Jul 04 - 06:19 PM The trouble with your ideas, Spaw, is that sometimes they are simply so far out there that...that...what was I talking about? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Georgiansilver Date: 27 Jul 04 - 05:42 PM I like your style Don but definitely not snog of the week from me..... Be Blessed. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 27 Jul 04 - 05:42 PM (Blush!) Aw, shucks. . . . Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: jacqui.c Date: 27 Jul 04 - 05:29 PM Don - your writing will probably put you in line for Snog of the Week - be warned! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: GUEST,Blackcatter Date: 27 Jul 04 - 04:57 PM Gee, Some people got no sense of humor. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: catspaw49 Date: 27 Jul 04 - 04:47 PM Hey Garg.......Ya' still out there? This thread is pretty pathetic. I mean it started off as a kinda' funny idea but went downhill pretty quick. I recall as you do I'm sure, a time when we would have a go at each other and others too and it really got to boiling. You predicted back then that it would lead to a dumbing down even more significant than that which you argued was already happening. I hate to admit that you, you shit filled gutter spout, were right.......but alas you were. The current crop of "feuds," like the current crop of threads, are on a sub-par level at the very least and more like the usual net style bullshit rather than Mudcat. So there ya' go Greg.....I'll take responsibility but I won't apologize..........Or maybe I should apologize and not take responsibility. Fuckit, I'll have an order of both and you can join me......I mean you may have predicted it, but you have some culpability here as well.......... As to your thread Hawk...........We have had some great fake feuds, you and I, but the funniest non-feud I remember is one where Kendall started a thread about Gordon Bok's new songbook entitled, "Gordon Bok Fans." I took it off into the idea of fan, the wind moving device, and went on at great length over several days about Bok's new line of fans and how you could get one free with a songbook or something along those lines. Kendall kept coming in and telling me that Gordon sometimes read the threads but I figured it was such an obvious joke he'd enjoy it. Turns out gordon isn't endowed with anything but a straightlaced sense of humor and he didn't get it at all. Missed the joke entirely!!! He didn't get the "gordon Bok Special Edition Amish-Australian Pitchfork Moustache Tuner" either.........****sigh****.................. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 27 Jul 04 - 03:19 PM Amos, I've got a funny one about my relationship with Max Shulman. Several hundred years ago, I was in a high school creative writing class (senior elective). The teacher assigned us a short story and gave us a deadline. I had an idea for a short story: something very "serious and literary." But—I had been reading Barefoot Boy with Cheek, and just for fun and on my own time, I wrote a zany story along that line. Outrageous characters and really dippy humor. I was having so much fun with it, that the deadline crept up on me and suddenly there it was and I hadn't done anything on the serious story I had in mind. So to save my butt, I turned in the Shulman-esque story, fully expecting to get maybe a C-minus and a comment from the teacher, like "Now REALLY, Don!" She loved it! Normally a somewhat stereotypically stiff high school English teacher, she howled with laughter when she read it—and sent it in to the Atlantic Monthly high school short story contest. It didn't win, but it did get an honorable mention in the humor department, with some very nice, encouraging comments from the judges. I don't have the story anymore, because the handwritten copy that I turned in (which she sent to AM) was the only one I had. But it did teach me a valuable lesson: don't knock yourself out trying to be "serious and literary." Just write what you enjoy writing. Who among the greatest poets of history can match such marvels as those to be found in works like "archy interviews a pharaoh": little archy(A moment of silence . . . I am in awe) Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Amos Date: 27 Jul 04 - 01:59 PM Max Shulman was one of my favorites, Don, right up there with the great Thurber, and archie. Toujours gai!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Blackcatter Date: 27 Jul 04 - 01:52 PM Yeah GS - we certainly can trust all the guest posts which try to sound like a member. Sacred Insect |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 27 Jul 04 - 01:52 PM But I digress. . . . No, I have no feud with Marty. In fact, I'm grateful to him for providing me with such a deserving target. I've been keeping my nose to the grindstone and doing a lot of serious writing lately, and having just finish a difficult chapter on the magnum opus I'm working on, I thought I'd take a break and try my hand at combining the styles of Max Shulman (Barefoot Boy with Cheek, The Feather Merchants) and Don Marquis (archy and mehitabel), with a sprinkling of Dave Barry and a lot of my own prodigious wit (I have learned from the Masters, such as Stilly River Sage's father). I admit that it's an experiment in writing, but even though Marty seems to be sulking, I'm fairly pleased with the results so far. No feud, at least on my part. Just havin' fun. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: GUEST,Georgiansilver at work Date: 27 Jul 04 - 01:22 PM Sorry...forgot that I would appear as guest but you would have known me by the sign off eh??? Be Blessed. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: GUEST Date: 27 Jul 04 - 01:18 PM More like "The three hundred Spartans" with Don as the invading Greek army. Martin as the Spartans is well outnumbered and bound to be defeated..but not without putting up a good fight. Be Blessed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Jul 04 - 01:09 PM Don, you and Martin should consider costarring in a new edition of "The Odd Couple". :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 27 Jul 04 - 12:54 PM My humor is lame, Marty? You seem to be the only one who isn't laughing. Don Firth P. S.: You can't spell for sour owl jowls either! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Georgiansilver Date: 27 Jul 04 - 04:33 AM This is not a war with Martin!! I believe we are all responding to his attention seeking behaviour as we worry about the poor guy becoming neurotic. If we failed to respond the poor guy would curl up in a corner and cry. Be nice to him. Be Blessed. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Jul 04 - 12:36 AM There you go. Now we're back on track here. Feuds that aren't really feuds are the subject of the hour. (Like Chongo's feud with Martin Gibson, for example.) I used to also attack the NYCFTTS regularly...partly just to attack Spaw...and partly because it gave me a way to promote its alternative, the WSSBA. I did think that the James Taylor Center for Catatonic Blandness, on the other hand, was a simply brilliant notion on Spaw's part, and I never attacked it at all. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Amos Date: 27 Jul 04 - 12:10 AM For example, I really do not have anything against Little Hawk, a veritable Prince among men. Even though I temporarily took away his damned hand-puppet! :>) I know he's going to just have to put it back on, though. He's addicted to certain behaviours and won't be able not to become SHatner once again. But I can forgive him. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Jul 04 - 11:14 PM Hey! This thread is for feuds that AREN'T really feuds. Take this war with Martin Gibson somewhere else, people. (Of course, that would mean not having the last word...aw, forget it!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 26 Jul 04 - 11:04 PM All you need is Bran...la, la, la, la, la... All you need is... or maybe Sennapod Tea... "It smacks of an over 70 year old" Happy Birthday Don! and I don't think it's nice to smack 70 year olds... Robin |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: MAG Date: 26 Jul 04 - 10:53 PM Ah yes, "Martin." You so remind me of this Broward County lawyer I once knew. Chip on his shoulder big as the rock of Gibralter. Anybody he thought played better than he did came in for constant put-downs and various rude behavior. Only friend was one nice guy who felt sorry for him. Your name wouldn't be Steve, would it? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Once Famous Date: 26 Jul 04 - 10:36 PM This attempt at humor by Don Filth is just so lame! It smacks of an over 70 year old, completely out of touch person who has nothing better to do than write stupid shit because his days of getting laid are so far over, along with making decent music and not leaving his house without wearing a Depends diaper. Pathetic. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 26 Jul 04 - 08:15 PM Well, as they said, it was dark. A grape might have been adequate. . . . Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Georgiansilver Date: 26 Jul 04 - 07:33 PM Oh Don. You seem to have dispelled the rumour that it was a grape! Oh well. Be Blessed. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Jul 04 - 07:30 PM All you need is Love...la, la, la, la, la...All you need is... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 26 Jul 04 - 06:23 PM . . . and judging from the bizarre suggestions he has made to most of us at one time or another, Marty isn't especially particular. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 26 Jul 04 - 06:18 PM Well, according to Officer MacDougall, it was a pumpkin. But it was pretty dark. . . . Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Blackcatter Date: 26 Jul 04 - 05:49 PM Umm Don, Following the logic of the (albeit modernized) Cinderella story, was he screwing the tailpipe of a limo? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 26 Jul 04 - 05:17 PM "My favorite and most effective debating skill is to just to tell you to fuck off..." That sums it up pretty well. "Effective" in more or less the same sense as using a banana to drive in a nail. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: Don Firth Date: 26 Jul 04 - 04:55 PM Well, now, let's not be too hard on Marty. It must be admitted that he does have fairly lucid moments from time to time. For example: It was some years after he had emerged from the Dumpster and attempted to pass as human that he was arrested in a rural area outside of Chicago and charged with lewd and lascivious conduct. Unable to find any of his usual chickens or sheep, he discovered himself passing a pumpkin patch. He explained to the judge that, "A pumpkin is soft and squishy inside and I didn't think there was anyone around for miles." Marty went on to say that he picked out a particularly attractive pumpkin, one that turned him on, and that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to. . . . So much in love was he that he didn't even see the Cook County police cruiser pull up, the door open, and Officer Brenda MacDougall get out and walk up to him. She watched him for awhile, not knowing whether to be totally disgusted or to laugh her head off. Finally, she said, "'Excuse me, but do you realize that you're screwing a pumpkin?" Startled, he dropped the pumpkin, which shattered messily on the blacktopped road, and stood there like a deer literally caught in the headlights with his fly unzipped and his glory displayed to all the world. Bewildered for a moment at getting caught in the act, but (as we all realize by now) having never known an emotion like embarrassment, he had a sudden flash of sheer brilliance. "A pumpkin!!??? " he said, as if shocked and surprised. "Ye gods! Is it midnight already!!???" They booked him anyway. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Feuds that aren't really feuds... From: mcgrathof altcar Date: 26 Jul 04 - 04:39 PM its nice to be nice |
