Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 07 - 09:18 AM

The "Nashville Katz" song mentioned above was not H&J, I believe -- it was on the flip side of another Yiddish parody called " I Got a Goil, her Name is SHoily Klein".

Lyrics from memory below.


A



NASHVILLE KATZ


Nashville Katz!
He runs a kosher deliii!
Nashville Katz!
It's the only one in town!
Nashville Katz!
It's not like yer in Brooklyn!
Nashville Katz!
He's the only one around!

We;;, there are fourteen hundred and fifty three different restaurants in Nashville,
Where you can get anything from hominy grits to Chatex de Tournville.
But there's only one place for a good Jewish boy, if he really wants to eat well,
Just tell anybody to take you to Katz' -- the kosher deli in Nashville!


Nashville Katz!
He runs a kosher deliii.
Nashville Katz!
It's the only one in town.
Nashville Katz!
It's not like yer in Brooklyn!
Nashville Katz!
He's the only one around!

(This is followed by a klezmer riff fading with a rabbinical voice chanting "Hai, ducka ducka ducka, Hai! ducka ducka duca..." fade.)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro ("He'll Have to Go" Lyrics)
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Sep 07 - 01:04 AM

(Starts with phone ringing during the musical intro, and a woman answering with a nasal voice, "Hello?")

Put your big mouth a little closer to the phone
Don't you try to tell me that you're all alone
You only go out with your friends, you told me so
But you don't have no enemies, you'll have to go

(Woman says, "Hello?" again between verses)

The tomcat said, when he kissed the skunk, "Though it's been grand,
I've enjoyed all of this that I can stand."
You said you'd stick with me through thick and thin, I know
But the longer you stick, the thinner I get. You'll have to go.

(Woman says "HEL-LO", accenting both syllables)

When your mother came to visit us,
She would knock, then knock again
You and me would always have a fuss,
'Cause I would not let her in

Oh, put your fat mouth a little closer to the phone
Don't you try to tell me that you're all alone
The man with you must be a Navy man, I know
And you can tell him the coast is clear now, you'll have to go.

(Woman's voice repeating "Hello? Hello?" as record fades)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,"Sixteen Tons" Lyrics
Date: 30 Sep 07 - 12:47 AM

Some people say a man is made outta dirt
Bow-legged britches and a humpbacked shirt
Ev'ry man has his woman to make him tick
But only the miner has his pick

You load sixteen tons, how do you feel?
Too tired to work, too scared to steal.
Saint Peter, don't you holler for me today
'Cause I'm a-diggin' the other way

Uncle John was a miner, he was long and tall.
Chasin' after women made him end it all.
He could never catch 'em, though he tried,
So old Uncle John laid down and died

(Abbreviated chorus, just repeating the words "Sixteen tons", with sound effects)

I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
I remember my mama was a-gone at the time
The doctor looked down, and he said, "Oh, my!
I wonder whether he's gonna walk or fly."

(Same abbreviated chorus. with sound effects)

Well, I've shoveled this coal 'til my back is bent.
My get-up-and-go has got up and went.
My wife ran away with my friend Jim.
I don't miss her but I do miss him.

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Slag in your pants and soaked with sweat.
Tennessee Ernie done made this song
But the pea-picker sung the words all wrong.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,glenn
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 09:29 PM

Heard back from my son, and this is pretty close to right:

WANTED

Wanted - the girl I trusted - who took my money and stole my car.
Wanted - the girl I trusted - who left me stranded - and mad as farr.

I can laugh now 'cause it didn't hurt a bit - the car was stolen and the money's counterfeit.
She’s wanted by all the po-lice - they'll never catch her un-a-werr
Because she'll lead them into the roundhouse - and they'll never corner her there.

[Mandolin interlude]

She was last seen in Hernando's hideaway - she was wearin' one of Benny’s old toupees.
A jury will find her guilty, and as I see it, there ain't no hope.
When she was born her dear old mother - should been arrested for smug-a-lin' dope.


(Incidentally, several words are spelled here like they were pronounced on the recording.)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Peace
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 12:38 PM

"I cocked an eye at her, she cocked an eye at me and we sat there as cock-eyed as could be."

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,glenn
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 10:35 AM

this is from very old and tattered memory.

'wanted' lampooned the sappy perry como song of the same name and was the 'b' side to 'hernando's hide-away'.

i've asked my son -- who performed it with a buddy at a high school gala of some sort not all that long ago -- if he can help resurrect it.


wanted

wanted - the girl i trusted - who took my money and stole my car
wanted - the girl . . . and left me - mad as farr.

i can laugh now 'cause it didn't hurt a bit - the car was stolen and the money's counterfeit.
she's wanted by all the po-lice - they'll never catch her un-a-werr
because she'll lead them into the round house - and they'll ne-ver corner her therr.

[mandolin interlude]

she was last seen in her-nando's hideaway - she was wearin' one of benny's old toupees.
a jury will find her guilty, and as i see it, there ain't no hope
when she was bo-rrn her dear old mother - shoulda been arrested for smug-a-lin' dope.

Subject: Lyr Add: JAM-BOWL-LIAR (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 30 Jul 07 - 06:54 PM

JAM-BOWL-LIAR, is, of course, a parody of Hank Williams' JAMBALYA..

Homer & Jethro's recording appears on their album "America's Song Butchers: The Weird World of Homer & Jethro," Razor & Tie CD #2130, 1997.

It's also on YouTube, which is where I heard theses lyrics:

JAM-BOWL-LIAR
As sung by Homer & Jethro

Goodbye, ma'am. We gotta scram down the highway.
Stick out your thumb, you son-of-a-gun. Goin' my way?
I got a ride with a guy in a wagon,
In a sack in the back that he was a-draggin'.
Jam-bowl-liar, shoo-fly pie, an' bananner puddin',
'Cause tonight I'm a-gonna see ol' Sally Goodin.
Danced all night; on my feet wore a blister.
Had to sidetrack her nose when I kissed her.

On the couch side by side we was settin',
And just about the time we started a-pettin',
Some big hick throwed a brick through the winder,
Hit her side, hurt her pride, broke my finger.
Jam-bowl-liar, horse-meat pie on a push-cart,
Flipped my lid, always did love that red heart
It was rough. The meat was tough. I chewed it slow.
Almost choked when some bloke hollered "Whoa!"

Jam-bowl-liar an' a pizza pie an' a bowl o' soup beans,
Spotted ham and a can o' choc'late-coated sardines.
When we sing, it sounds just like a cat-and-dog fight,
But we don't sing for money, just for spi-ite.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 16 Apr 07 - 11:06 PM

I am My Own grandpa was done by Lonzo and Oscar

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Apr 07 - 05:13 PM

Joe Wills....please check back HERE to see if there are answers. Many do not wish to email unknown persons,

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Joe Wills
Date: 16 Apr 07 - 03:19 PM

Anyone have the Homer & Jethro Lyrics to "SIXTEEN TONS"?
Please reply to [e-mail].

Thanks!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro "I'm My Own Grandpa''
From: GUEST,Davilance
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 11:49 AM

We used to have a 78 RPM record of "I'm My Own Grandpa'' from the 1940s with Jerry Lewis singing it.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Bernie
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 01:02 PM

There's currently a link on the main page of "Mandolin Cafe";a live clip from an old tv show.....one of their well-known parodies,which also gives us a taste of what great musicians they were.....much has been made of Jethro[and rightly so],but watch Homer's effortless guitar playing.......

Subject: Lyr Add: HART BRAKE MOTEL (Homer & Jethro)
From: GUEST,Frank in Lubbock
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 09:03 AM

I agree with you on the great parody songs of Homer and Jethro. I also perform many of their songs and the older people just love the stuff. I have been doing Heartbreak Motel for years, but not sure I have the words just right. I will post them here and let me know if there are any corrections.

HART BRAKE MOTEL
Homer & Jethro

1. Down at the Hart Brake Motel, my room it was so small,
Ever' time I tried to smile, my teeth would touch the wall,
But I'm a-stayin' and a-payin'.
I ain't got room to change my mind.

2. I picked up my telephone. The manager said, "Hello."
He said, "What's eatin' you?" I said, "That's what I'd like to know,
An' I'm a-itchin', an' a-scratchin'.
I'm wearin' out my fingernails."

3. I walked up to the room clerk. He looked at me and said,
"You can have a room, but you will have to make your bed."
I said, "That's OK, buddy. I learned that from my ma."
Then he reached out and handed me a hammer and a saw.
And I'm a-nailin' and a-wailin'
Here at the Hart Brake Motel.

4. Here at the Hart Brake Motel, I got a room with bath.
Back home, I only had a room, and it just had a path.
This outside plumbin', it's unbecomin'.
It's really out of this world.

5. The waiter in the dinin' room, he filled my heart with cheer.
He said I would enjoy it 'cause I could eat dirt cheap here,
And he was so right. That was my last night,
And now I'm checkin' out of here.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Nov 05 - 06:41 AM

I got all six verses by searching this site.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Dallas Reed
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 11:36 PM

If You have any other verses of Kooliger would you mind Sharing them? Thanks Dallas Reed

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 12:20 AM

That is the 5th verse of the 6 verses I have.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Dallas Reed
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 11:49 PM

Hi if you haven't found the last versr of Pore Ol' Koo-liger it goes Like this

Now When he sings Peter Cotton Tail The Rabbit never cheers
He takes the cotton From his tail and stuffs it in his ears
Koo-liger
He sprayes his throat to help his voice each Day
But all it does is keep the fly's away

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Oct 05 - 10:42 PM

refresh

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,fuzzballz
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 11:08 PM

Does anyone have the lyrics to Funny Farm on the Fractured Folksongs album? or know where I can aquire it? The country music lady's site has been shut down.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Kaleea
Date: 20 Jul 05 - 11:12 PM

I love the Music of Homer & Jethro! So much so, that a wonderful 'Catter once sent me a copy of my lost fav recording of the dynamic parody duo, which I still listen to. I still perform some of the old H & J songs at nursing homes, where there are big laughs. Especially the billboard song. I use some of the older than "Granpa Jones & Minnie Pearl's corns" jokes, too.

Subject: Lyr Add: WATERLOO (parody from Homer and Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 Jul 05 - 11:01 PM

From The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Requests Page 13.

(The Record Lady also has the original-Stonewall Jackson's WATERLOO-at Real Country Page 2.)

WATERLOO
As sung by Homer and Jethro

What are you-oo gonna do-oo?

Now once a feller by the name of Jimmy Payne
Took a shotgun and blowed out all his brains.
Got a job where he needs no brains, of course.
He's a flatfoot on the local pólice force.

Waterloo, Waterloo,
Where will you meet your Waterloo?
He walks his beat unafraid
As long as it's downgrade.
Ever'body has to meet his Waterloo.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rode the trail,
Catching outlaws an' puttin' them in jail,
But the Ranger shot ol' Tonto 'cause it seems
He found out what kemo-sabe means.

Waterloo, Waterloo,
Where will you meet your Waterloo?
Oh, the ranger he did trust,
Then ol' Tonto bit the dust.
Ever'body has to meet his Waterloo.

Uncle Hobe the other day was found
In a barrel of moonshine where he drowned,
And they'll lay him in his last restin' place
Soon as they can wipe the smile off his face.

Waterloo, Waterloo,
Where will you meet your Waterloo?
Pore ol' Hobert had to goof (?)
And he wound up a hundred proof.
Ever'body has to meet his Waterloo.
Ever'body has to meet his Water-(He had to meet his H-2-O)-loo.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: erinmaidin
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 07:10 AM

I remember, in the 70's, walking in to a Ramada Inn in South Bend, Indiana, to hear a band called "The Wright Brothers Overland Stage Company" who were from French Lick, IN. Out in the hallway, was a smallish man tuning up and playing some wonderful licks on a mandolin. We had marvelous conversation and went for coffee and talked some more, all the while the band was waiting for him to come up and do a guest performance! That was the night I first met Jethro Burns and he was a very warm and funny man...I'll never forget him.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: kendall
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 06:40 AM

Does anyone remember:
When we walk hand in hand her breath smells like a garbage can it's tragic,
Her hair looks like saurkraut and when she laughs he teeth fall out it's tragic...


...her teeth stuck out so far she didn't have much sense
she could eat an ear of corn right through a picket fence...


I picked her up one night to see what we could see,
That's when I met her husband, he stood 6 foot three
He had brass knuckles made to order
Now my teeth are scattered on the Tennessee border.
or

I went to your wedding although I was dreading
the thought of seeing you,
Your Father was laughing, your Mother was laughing
At last they got rid of you..

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: kendall
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 08:12 PM

..you'll never know how much it hurts to see you sit and cry,
But you could cry much better if you had your other eye... classic H&J

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,hye
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 04:10 AM

test

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Kaleea
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 04:06 AM

Some of my fav songs are Homer & Jethro songs. I often quote some of their jokes when I'm at the jams. Sometimes, someone there knows of what I speak. Their songs are terrific with the nursing home set.

Subject: Toothpicks from the timber of my heart
From: GUEST,Gene
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 01:08 AM

Sounds like this to me....

Fer a backwoods gal was she
And fer choppin' down a tree
She was handy with an ax and she was smart
Oh but I should have passed her by
When she waved and hollered hi
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart

Well when whe promised to be mine
I cut ninety logs of pine
For a little cabin in our world of hearts
All our dreams were heaven bound
Till she tore that castle down
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heartx

She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart
Like a buzzsaw rips a pole
She made sawdust of my soul
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart

She was tall and she was limber
And for timber she was fine
But her lips were poison oak and turpentine
She was cute and I was green
Yes my darlin' lumber queen
Twined me 'round her finger like a clingin' vine

Now I hang around the shack
Jist a lonesome lumberjack
Mighta knowed her heart
Was wooden from the start
When she snatched away her charms
There were splinters in my arms
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart

She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart
When she rolled me down that hill
And she run me thru the mill
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Guest, mew
Date: 20 Jan 05 - 11:16 AM

My mother and her friends used to sing a Homer and Jethro song "She Made toothpicks of the Timber in My Heart"

She was tall and she was limber, as timber she was fine
But her heart was (something something) turpentine
Like an axeblade cuts a pole
She made sawdust of my soul
she made toothpicks of the timber in my heart

I would love to have the rest of the lyrics -- Mom doesn't think she has them all.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,ches
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 11:54 AM

I am looking for the words to Homer and Jethro's rendition of "Love and Marriage". Any help?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,AF
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:08 PM

JIM DIXON Thank you for posting the additional songs. Turns out I didn't have any of those in my collection. My friend will be pleasantly surprised at the number of songs I was able to find and I owe it mostly to this web site and to you. Thank you again AF

Subject: Lyr Add: THEY LAID HIM IN THE GROUND (parody)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:51 PM

The following seems to be based on an old-time or bluegrass song, but I don't have any information about the original.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

THEY LAID HIM IN THE GROUND
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

CHORUS: They laid him in the ground, boys, laid him in the ground.
One more there an' one less here. They laid him in the ground.

Once I had a Thomas cat. He could warble like Caruso.
A neighbor swung a baseball bat. Now Thomas doesn't do so. CHORUS

Now Uncle Henry learned to fly a plane up in the air.
His parachute was full o' holes, but Henry didn't care. CHORUS

A man stood on a divin' board. He made a monstrous leap.
He didn't know the water there was only one foot deep. CHORUS

Now Mr. Julius Caesar was a great man, we all allow.
The greatest man of all his day, but where is Caesar now? CHORUS

Subject: Lyr Add: CAMP RUNAMUCK (from Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:11 PM

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/

CAMP RUNAMUCK
(Howard Greenfield, Jack Keller)

CHORUS: Oh, Runamuck, there's summer fun
In Runamuck, but we have none
In Runamuck, 'cause in Runamuck, only couns'lors have the fun.
Oh, Runamuck, we're out o' luck
In Runamuck, 'cause we've been stuck
In Runamuck, Runamuck, Runamuck, till the summer's done.

On the lake of Wannatonka there's a camp called Runamuck,
And to our misfortune we're the campers who got stuck.
The food tastes just like poison and the pollen makes us sneeze,
While day and night, mosquitoes bite our elbows and our knees. CHORUS

All the couns'lors think we're sleepin' but we're really wide awake.
We hear them canoein' to the girls across the lake.
We would like to follow but the chance is purty slim.
What can we do? There's one canoe an' none of us can swim.

[On the final chorus, Homer sings the words shown above while Jethro sings the following lines as counterpoint:]
Oh, Runamuck! We will be true.
Though it hurts, we're gonna see it through.
Oh, we will raise your colors high,
But they forgot to tell us why.

[As recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Old Crusty Minstrels," 1965. This is not a parody. The words and music are as written by Greenfield and Keller for the US TV sitcom "Camp Runamuck," 1964-65 (also shown on BBC1 on Saturday mornings, 1975). Only the tune without words-and not performed by H&J-was actually used on the show.]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:09 PM

GUEST,AF – Your reviving this thread reminded me that I have several more songs to post. Stay tuned. I think I have at least one of the songs you want. When I'm finished posting songs, hopefully in the next day or two, I plan to post a list of links to all the songs I've posted.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Cluin
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 02:39 PM

Jethro Tull's gonna be on "The Simpsons"?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,AF
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 02:04 PM

I am looking for the lyrics to a number of Homer and Jethro songs, namely: Hart-Brake Motel, He'll Have To Go, Hernando's Hideaway, I Fall To Pieces, In The Shade of the Old Apple Tree, I Want To Hold Your Hand, Jam-Bowl-Liar, Malady of Love, Mister Sandman, Misty, Sixteen Tons, Tennessee, Tennessee, and You Belong To Me. I am collecting them for a woman who loves H&J and lost all of her records when her home was destroyed by a flood. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Subject: Lyr Add: SHE WAS BITTEN ON THE UDDER BY AN ADDER
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:34 PM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

SHE WAS BITTEN ON THE UDDER BY AN ADDER
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

Now here's a song about a cow so round, so firm, so trim.
The cow wouldn't give no milk at all, so we got mad at him.
One day the weather started a-gittin' hotter by the hour.
The old cow laid down on 'er back an' give herself a shower.

CHORUS: Oh, she never died so suddenly before,
And I bet she'll never do it any more,
And I know I never will be any sadder.
She was a-bitten on the udder by an adder.

Our little cow was nice an' fat. Her hair was soft as silk.
She slipped and fell right through a bridge an' durn near strained her milk.
We lifted her as if she didn't weigh a single ounce,
And then we pushed her off the bridge to see the Jersey Bounce. CHORUS

A little bull walked all the way from here to Ioway,
Which goes to prove a little bull will go a long, long way.
Then pappy hitched 'im to a plow an' said, "Now here's my chance.
To show this boy there's some'n' in this world besides romance."

Now he's with ol' Bossy over there, I guess,
Where the cows are all contented, more or less.
And he is glad but Bossy is much gladder.
She was a-bitten on the udder by an adder.

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Songs My Mother Never Sang," 1961; "Live at Vanderbilt University," 1968; and "America's Song Butchers: The Weird World of Homer & Jethro," 1997.]

Subject: Lyr Add: SHE BROKE MY HEART AT WALGREENS
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:29 PM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is. One web site attributes it to "H.Mills"; another to Mack Allen Smith.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

SHE BROKE MY HEART AT WALGREENS
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

Over a drink for those who think young*, I got the bad news.
One payment book, her matchin' house key, my diamond ring.
There lay the ruins of my future. We planned to wed this year.
But she broke my heart at Walgreen's, then I cried all the way to Sears.

I hear the man still laugin' at me, but I don't blame him.
Silly of me for asking of him, "Please read this ad."
Well, this could be the funniest heartbreak of the year.
First she broke my heart at Walgreen's, then I cried all the way to Sears.

What made the pain more painful, I hurt each step of the way.
Grabbing ...(?), waiting for lots o' tears, (?)
Gettin' in my way.

I'd fall down, then I'd get up, while slippin' on my tears.
First she broke my heart at Walgreen's, then I cried all the way to Sears.

[*"For those who think young": once an advertising slogan for Pepsi. Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Old Crusty Minstrels," 1965.]

Subject: Lyr Add: DON'T SING ALONG (ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:12 PM

The original of this is in the DT: ON TOP OF OLD SMOKY

Lyrics of the transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

DON'T SING ALONG (ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY)
(Jeffrey Clay)

[Jethro begins playing the intro on the mandolin, and hits a (deliberately) wrong note.]
--Hey, hey, hey! Will you play that again please?
--All right. Here we go.
[Jethro plays the intro again, hitting the same wrong note.]
--That's a lot better.
--Thank you.
--I thought you's playin' it wrong there at first. Let's all sing now.
--All right. Here we go.

On top of Ol' Smoky
All covered with snow,
I lost my true lover
By courtin' too slow.

--Uh, would you folks like to sing along with us?
--Yeah!
--Well, I wish you wouldn't, 'cause we want to sing it by ourselves.
--Come on now, Homer. You promised 'em. Now why don't you just kind o' give 'em the lines an' let them repeat after us.
--All right.

--On top of Ol' Smoky
On top of Ol' Smoky
--All covered with trees,
All covered with trees,
--I stood in the water
I stood in the water
--Plumb up to my ankles.
Plumb up to my --huh?

--Homer, just a minute. That don't rhyme.
--Well, the water wasn't deep enough.... Jethro, gimme a E-flat there.
--You know I can't play an E-flat.
--Well, gimme a E an' I'll flatten it out myself.... Let's all sing again, now.
--All right.

--Her hair was so wavy
Her hair was so wavy
--An' soft as pure silk.
An' soft as pure silk.
--'Cause when she shampooed it,
'Cause when she shampooed it,
--She used dragon milk.
She used dragon --huh?

--Cut! Homer, where do you get that "dragon milk"?
--Well, you get it from a cow with short legs.... Let's all sing this thing an' get out o' here. What do you say?
--All right.

Your may think we're crazy.
We'll have to agree.
But you bought this record
And we [got it free.]*

[*Note: The online recording ended abruptly so I had to guess at the ending. There may be more to the song. -JD. Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Songs to Tickle Your Funny Bone," 1966.]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 11:25 PM

"Once Burns met singer-songwriter Steve Goodman at a Chicago folk club, another legendary mandolin and guitar duet began. Their tours, and Goodman's albums, introduced Jethro to a new generation of fans...

"Steve Goodman once said of Jethro, "I never heard him play or say anything that wasn't the very thing that everyone else in the room wished they had played or said." How did he do it? His special skill was to mix equal parts mischief and genius. (While keeping his tongue firmly in cheek at all times!). A large part of his appeal can be summed up in his philosophy of "No matter where you go, there you are!"

"Jethro's humor, mandolin playing, and musicianship remained undiminished, even in the final stages of the cancer that took his life on February 4, 1989. "

http://www.dawgnet.com/acd_html/artists/burns.html

Subject: Lyr Add: KING OF THE CAMP (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:52 PM

The original of this is in the DT: KING OF THE ROAD by Roger Miller.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/

KING OF THE CAMP
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

Fly-bugs an' bumblebees,
Chigger bites on my knees,
Band-Aids from head to toes,
Got a sunburn on my nose.

I got sand in the food I eat.
I got blisters on both my feet.
I'm in pain, but can't complain,
I'm king of the camp.

Folks bring their brats to stay
Here until Labor Day.
When they become a drag,
I give them a plastic bag.
I got sprained ankles, cuts, an' bumps.
I got chicken pox and the mumps.
I got alters(?) just because I'm
King of the camp.

I know ever' mom an' dad an' all o' their brats,
All o' their doggies, an' all o' their cats.
If the kids are great as the parents all say,
Then how come ev'ry summer they send 'em away?

Meanwhile, back at the pool,
Water is nice an' cool.
Kids splashin' all around,
While I teach 'em how to drown.
I lose more little brats that way.
I lose some in the woods each day.
I'm a bitter baby-sitter,
King of the camp,
Champ of the camp,
Chump of the dump.

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Old Crusty Minstrels," 1965; and "The Best of Homer & Jethro," 1996.]

Subject: Lyr Add: I DON'T THINK MY GAL LOVES ME ANYMORE
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:21 PM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/

I DON'T THINK MY GAL LOVES ME ANYMORE
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

She hit me on the head and she tore my clothes.
She blacked my eye and broke my nose.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
She changed her front-door lock, you see,
And then she sic'ed her dog on me.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
Well, I caught her in the kitchen
Puttin' arsenic in my tea,
And if she doesn't cut it out,
I'll think she's mad at me.
And when our date last night was through,
She said, "Don't call me. I'll call you."
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.

Now when I call her on the phone,
She answers and says that she's not home.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
She shoves me down the stairs and counts
To see how many times I bounce.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
Well, I caught her foolin' with the brakes
Beneath my car today.
Aw, jeez, that's awful nice of her
To fix my car that way.
She's got a rifle now, I see,
And it's a-pointin' right at me.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Life Can Be Miserable," 1958.]

Subject: Lyr Add: COLD, COLD HEART NO. 2 (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:03 PM

The original of this is already in DT: COLD, COLD HEART, written and recorded by Hank Williams; also recorded by Louis Armstrong, Tony Bennett, Johnny Cash, Connie Francis, George Jones, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ray Price, The Sons of the Pioneers, Ernest Tubb, Dinah Washington, and many others -- and recently by Norah Jones.

And now the parody, transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/ :

COLD, COLD HEART NO. 2
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

I tried so hard, my dear, to show that you're my ev'ry dream.
Yet ev'ry time I see your face, it makes me want to scream.
You look much better to me, dear, the farther we're apart.
Your liver may be warm but you have got a cold, cold heart.

You'll never know how much it hurts to see you sit and cry,
But you could cry much better if you had another eye.
One look at you and I am through. It makes my eyeballs smart.
I wish that you'd fall off your broom and break your cold, cold heart.

HOMER (spoken): 'Samatter, Jethro? You got cold fingers? Get hot, boy, get hot.

There was a time one look at you could make my pore heart sing.
Now ever' time I look at you, I think I've found The Thing.
When I see you walk in the room, it makes the teardrops start.
Why don't you go sit on a stove and melt your cold, cold heart?

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Humorous Side of Country Music," 1963; "Ooh, That's Corny," 1963; "The Best of Homer & Jethro," 1966 and 1996; and "Country Comedy," 1971.]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Nov 03 - 02:07 PM

The following H&J songs also appear in various threads:

SAN ANTONIO ROSE – parody of Bob Wills' song.
FLOWER OF THE WILDWOOD – parody of the Carter Family's WILDWOOD FLOWER
D–I–V–O–R–C–E (B–A–C–O–N and E–G–G–S) – parody of Tammy Wynette's DIVORCE
THE SQUARE SONG – original?
I'VE GOT TEARS IN MY EARS (also here) – another original?
EL PASO – parody of Marty Robbins' song
I DON'T FLIRT ANYMORE – parody of Hank Snow's I DON'T HURT ANYMORE
SWAPPIN' PARTNERS – parody of Patti Page's CHANGING PARTNERS
I GUESS THINGS HAPPEN THAT WAY – parody of Johnny Cash's GUESS THINGS HAPPEN THAT WAY
TENNESSEE BORDER NO. 2 – parody of Red Foley's TENNESSEE BORDER

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 10:56 PM

Homer and Jethro's "Playing It Straight" has been impossible to find for years. A recent add on eBay showed a Japanese CD with "Aint Necessarily Square" added on one CD. Does anyone know if this is a closeout? They are going for serious premium over a normal CD.          here is sight/ copy and paste

http://search-desc.ebay.com/search/search.dll?cgiurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcgi.ebay.com%2Fws%2F&MfcISAPICommand=GetResult&SortProperty=MetaEndSort&ht=1&from=R4&ebaytag1=ebayreg&query=Homer+Jethro+Playing+It+Straight&CATEGORY0=11233&SRCHDESC=y

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 10:33 PM

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY UPPER PLATE

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 01:01 AM

SANTA'S MOVIN' ON (Homer and Jethro)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 12:59 AM

I'M MOVIN' ON (Homer & Jethro)

Subject: Lyr Add: THE CHASE IS ON (Homer and Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 08:08 PM

The original of this one is in the DT: THE RACE IS ON, written by Don Rollins and recorded by George Jones, among others.

The following parody is transcribed from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Archives Page 11.

THE CHASE IS ON
(As sung by Homer and Jethro)

My poor heart is as heavy as a bucket of liver and my feet are a-burning like "far."
I'm standing here on the corner wondering where all the women are.
Now you might think I'm a little too old, but I'm in there chasing them all,
But then I reckon if I ever caught one, then I would break right down and bawl.

CHORUS: Now the chase is on and here comes blondes up the backstretch,
Brunettes, they're running on the outside.
Blackheads are being squeezed, and almost standing still.
My feet's a-getting a blister and I'm a-getting mighty short on wind.
The chase is on and I'll be right in it, just as long as it's downhill.

One day I fell in love with a pretty little filly, never dreaming what a fool I'd be.
I lived in hopes of waking up each morning and finding she was gone from me.
It ain't that I wasn't crazy about her, 'cause I sure did love her a heap,
But my mind was a-making appointments that my body just couldn't keep. CHORUS

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 09:13 AM

Robin: As a matter of fact, that meaning did occur to me, but it seemed a bit far-fetched and not very funny, or at least not as funny as their big build-up led me to expect, so I was reluctant to believe that's what they had in mind. You're probably right though.

Welcome, Regiberry.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: regiberry
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 01:49 AM

Well I have appreciated the humor of Homer and Jethro for many years.
They used to have a 15 minute TV show and would do several songs just before the evening news...think it was on KTLA in Los Angeles...I know there were shows recorded....wouldn't it be great if these shows could be tracked down and made into a video!

Jethro Burns was a very innovated mandolin player.

Thanks for all the tunes you all shared here...glad I found this place.
This is my first post here!