LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:26 PM

I've been looking for Brach's Lemon Drops in stores for years and have not found them. So...just went looking and found their website with them available in bulk. That five pounds was the smallest quantity! I've just emailed them to see if they have a list of retail outlets.

I agree with MariGold and Bobert...you are doing tremendous and don't need any naysayers and squabblers mucking about. I love that you share your eggs and yoga with the docs and I am sure they love it, too. And, it's good for your spiritual self, too, that sharing and caring and ACCENTUATING THE POSITIVE, just the way the song says.:-)

Rest well and use what you need to make it through the rough days.

G'nightdarlin',

kat

Oh, and, remember you are in good company... a lot of cancer SURVIVORS are here at Mudcat...that's a good list to be on and a privileged list...hard won, but oh baby isn't it wonderful!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:09 PM

"Bobert, I love you"???? Now we know who the lovelorn groupie was who pursued poor Bobert while he was trying to sell CDs. See, Robbie! She wasn't drunk just stoned on heavy meds. LOL

I am with Bobert. Just one more chemo session then on with your life. Frequent check-ups and more frequent time with the new babies. How does Pete feel about being a Father and a Grandfather in one fell swoop?

As you handled your illness one day at a time and one step at a time, now you can savor the good times, one sip at a time. Two babies, a wedding, go for the gold, girl.

Lemon Lifesavers and lollipops will probably help as well as lemon drops, C. Howard's are amazing. They call them lemon mints but there is no mint flavor just really juicy lemon.
http://www.victoryseeds.com/candystore/chowards_lemon.html

SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 18 May 10 - 08:32 PM

Dear one, sometimes I read your posts and just have no words, only waves of love. Hope you feel them.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:57 PM

Bobert,

   I'm with you. My follow ups are gonna be all about taking my Dr.s fresh eggs (which I do on a regular basis now), showing my yoga photos....I thought my oncologist was going to fall out of his chair when I showed him a photo of me in a headstand....I KNEW he didn't believe me last time!!! LOL And he always asks about my animals.

   Realistically, I know that I will have to be followed for the rest of my life. I know that the odds for breast cancer are higher for me now than ever before. But I also now know that my surgeon said my odds are excellent....93% chance of never having a reoccurance.

   I know they can be wrong. I know I will worry. But I am doing my best to look forward in a positive light.

And Bobert? I love you.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Pistachio
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:47 PM

Michelle, hello from Hazel, miles away(in East Yorkshire) but thinking of you. I was reading through the accountability thread then computer went to mush and I picked up this thread. I wish you the very best.Sorry to read about the crap(!), hope you find/found a personal chef and, you have my admiration for your fight. Seems you've been working hard on the sorting front... - in prepararation for your down time post Chemo. Hell, I'm impressed. Its an inspiration to read your posts. (((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))
One day at a time- take it steady. Hxx

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:46 PM

As for that last cancer treatment??? Well, kinda have to disagree with ya, WYSuzie... Follow ups, yeah... Treatments, no...

My mom is a cancer survivor... She had colon cancer almost 40 years ago and had breast cancer about 15 years ago... Yeah, she sees her oncologist once a year... They talk about gardening and family... Not excatly treatment... It's become more of a social thing...

I mean, there are lots of cancer survivors who will never ever again need treatment for cancer because it's long gone...

Michelle is going to be one of those folks... I know that in my heart... I also knew in my heart that I was gonna lose my late wife, Judy... Not too sure how that stuff works but Michelle will be cancer free and just stop by once a year to talk about family and gardening and, you know, stuff...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:29 PM

you deserve it!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 06:31 PM

Not a priest issue...would be a waste of his time. It's just one of those things that's going to have to work itself out. In the meantime, I feel like crap about it. I've done what I can and that's all there is to it.

I'd like a personal chef tonight please.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 May 10 - 05:59 PM

Bless and release them to their highest good, sweetie. Let them sort it out. You have done WELL!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 10 - 05:13 PM

Your priest always has a good angle...

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 04:44 PM

Well, I just tried to see what the issue is and was told it was my fault. What else is new? I give up.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 04:29 PM

Oops...hit submit too soon.

Tip: I asked about chemo mouth.....something that makes everything taste terrible....even water which seems to burn my mouth for a week after treatment. The Dr. suggested old fashioned lemon drops. I found Lemonheads...but no lemon drops. I'll have to see what else I can find.

Drama continues in the form of a silent treatment and who am I kidding? It bothers me intensely.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 04:21 PM

I am HOME!

This was my 5th treatment and I have one more round of chemo to go which will take place on June 7th. My platelet count acutally went UP this time after months of nosediving. I was certain they would send me home without the chemo treatment as I was very close to the line of no treatment allowed. Not only did the count go up but it went up by 70 points, all on it's own! Why this happened, I do not know. Also, my CA-125, a tumor marker test, dropped a tiny bit, and any downward motion is a good thing!

Te visit with my Dr. went well. He prescribed B-6 at 100mg a day to help with my extremely tingly and sometimes painful hands.....side effect of BOTH of the drugs I get in my chemo. I asked about the extreme pain in my legs and complained about the fog the meds leave me in. He prescribed something stronger for the pain and warned me that I would still have the fog...no way around it...just plan to be at home or in one place. Ok. I figure I will only need it for 2 days or so. As of right now, I am 24 hours out of my last treatment and my hips are beginning to hurt and I'mtired. Pete is home and has been terrific about carrying in my gear, offering to get my suitcase upstairs (where my pillow is still packed0 and just being here. Food is starting to taste strange and I'm feeling a little nauseous after a partial bag of fruit chews.

I talked to the Dr. about what happens after my next chemo treatment and he says I will be followed up by 3 month intravals by both my surgoen and by him. That means exams and blood work each time. I still have my port and am unsure how long that will be left in. It needs to be flushed out every 30 days. Also the 3 month check ups may be staggered between the two Dr.s so I may be seen like every month and a half. If not, I have requested more frequent bloodwork, specifically the CA-125 to make sure there is no tumor activity...or if there is, it can be addressed immediately. I asked for blood work every month instead of every 3 months. He said he might be able to bump it up to every month and a half. It's strictly a security blanket for me.

I slept through a good deal of my treatment yesterday which is new for me. But you know what? My chemo pal did the same...we are on the same schedule and if we are both doing the same thing, I think we can point to the natural progression on the treatment.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 10 - 02:07 PM

As I am sure Michelle knows (and as I am sure is part of the stress), with cancer there is never a "last" treatment. There can be a last one in a planned series, and then one graduates to checkups and (sometimes, tho one hopes NOT) a new planned series. I believe she has alluded to the numbers they want to see from this round. Of course we all hope she surpasses those hopes. It may be the numbers that will dictate whether this is the last in this series.

===

I would beg to differ that this is a time all about Michelle. As she has herself often indicated, it has also been about fellow journeyers, for her. That is part of what has been so admirable!

===

I share these thoughts not to speak for Michelle, but from long experience with cancer patients' needs. Part of the need can be articulated by the patient. Some of it, tho, they need their supporters to be prepared for-- beyond whatever the patient shares. She has posted often about chemo fog-- thus I post what she may not see squarely in the transition days after the treatment.

This is a time to continue to hold the MOST POSITIVE but also MOST WATCHFUL thoughts. If this is the "last," that is even more true-- because now her body has to build back up and fight HARD to take full advantage of all these treatments, when it is more tired than ever.

===

GO MICHELLE! When is your next yoga scheduled? AMEN!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 10 - 01:54 PM

Michelle, this thread is a great resource, so do keep us posted on how you're feeling. When this is all over, you'll be able to look back at all you wrote and make the shift and focus on helping others going through this. I've lost track, and I think Kat asked earlier and I didn't notice a response - is this the next to the last treatment, or was this the final one?

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 May 10 - 11:50 AM

You'll be home soon and in your own bed - always a blessing. Enjoy the drugs. Not sure about the drama other than this is one of the few times in your life when it is all about you. Take care. It is almost over.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 10:00 AM

Tam,

    He told me to take vitamin B-6, 100mg per day.

Time is short here, I have to get packing. More when I get home.

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 10 - 08:42 AM

LF--

As you resume home activities you will find that you prepared well for this week. Trust yourself on that, and start looking forward to life after chemo--

Which you have already organized to include friends, children, home, and (not least of these) LOVE.

Trust that, too.

I do not know where you and Hardi left off on scooter use-- I'm buried under work today-- but the last I heard was get key from Lisa. She is in charge of facility use, issuing keys, etc.

~S~

CC: CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 18 May 10 - 02:42 AM

Michelle... would you mind sharing that info re reducing neuropathy in hands. I have a lot of throbbing hand and arm pain from osteo arthritis in cervical spine. I get desperate when I can't do anything with my hands.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 10 - 12:30 AM

Michelle, you're approaching the next hump. Now that the procedure is over, you'll have a couple of rocky days, then get back to your old self. One day at a time, and be as patient with yourself as you can. Like Kat said, don't worry about the weight. Right now you're concentrating on life.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 May 10 - 11:56 PM

Good for you letting the drama go. Also, don't beat yourself up over the weight. Steroids will make you eat like crazy, too, and cause all kinds of cravings.

I've lost count. Is this the last chemo or next to last? Either way, you faced it, again, and all will be well. You are so right about the breathing, too.

Much love and thanks givings,

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 09:59 PM

I did indeed have a nice nap....several of them throughout the day. My blood sugars are way out of line...just took it a few minutes ago and it's now 585!!! I took some insulin and oral meds and will hope that they do the trick.

I know I said I didn't want to come here but the truth is, I just don't want to face the aftermath. I've seen and visited with several lovely people today and that does my spirit good. Gotta love the Dr.s that hug and kiss you on the cheek....and the nurses that leave their email addys on the tray beside me while I sleep.

Oh and the Dr. also gave me some info about how to lessen the neoropathy in my hands....I hope that works!!! And more powerful meds for my bone pain...but I wrote that earlier.

I came here with my mom and a friend. One of the parties has gotten snippy. I don't care. I can't deal with it....I've got enough other stuff going on and right now I'll just be happy to get home. I have no room for drama in my life...I have enough of my own.

*sigh* I had been hoping for a fun trip. Maybe next time.

Ambien is now floating in my blood so I will sign off before I get goofy and ya'll won't be able to read my tying or a word I say.

Love to you all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 May 10 - 09:56 PM

I'll second that

love from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 17 May 10 - 05:18 PM

You've been wrapped in our loving, healing thoughts all day, dear one. Lean back and relax into it while we take care of things.

love,
Allison

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Bobert
Date: 17 May 10 - 03:57 PM

Well, sounds like the cancer got a good butt whup today... Sorry you had to take it with it, Michelle, but yer in the home strecth...

Hang in there... Ol' hillbilly got you in his prayers and thoughts...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 May 10 - 02:58 PM

Lots of good thoughts coming for the best results from all of this.

Amen, and nothing but.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 17 May 10 - 01:29 PM

Hope you had a good nap Michelle. Not too much longer and you will be through the treatment.Lots of good thoughts coming for the best results from all of this.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:56 PM

PSS. Blood sugar 505 this morning. 15 units of log given.

SOooooooooooooo sleepy


Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:52 PM

PS. New, more powerful meds for achy leg days......he said it's far more powerful than the percocet and be prepared to be groggy.....and to NOT take it if I am home alone....too groggy. I am hoping they give me some relief.

I'm sleepy and going to give in to it.

Night all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:47 PM

It's 12:19 and I'm all hooked up to my chemo. The port needle went in on the first try and I'm thankful for that.
They took an older woman out of the chemo treatment center, right past me and I had to choke back some tears. Shortly afterwards I was called in to have my port done where I promptly burst into tears. The nurse was very kind, asked what was wrong and reminded me she was on her way to get help.
    The Dr. visit went well. My platelet count is UP to 200!!! HOORAY!!! I am NOT anemic and my white blood cells look great!!! I gained about 10 pounds and I told him I was HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. He said yep....that's chemo. So while I am irritated with that, I know I've not been "bad" it's just that the meds make me crave stuff...primarily salt. I eat popecorn, put loads of green olives in my salad, had potato chips last night (which I ever eat), etc. and I know THAT isn't helpful!! Oh well, have to have a treat sometimes!!!
    My CA-125 test was 17.4, down from last time...EXCELLLET!! I am, however, very tired today. Mom and my friend went back to the House of Care where they will have lunch and then bring me mine. I am thankful for both of them, truly. However, I am also thankful for some quiet, a litte respite for me!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:12 PM

Thinking good thoughts for you today, Michelle.

For some other time, here is a link: BlogForaCure is a Twitter group with links to lots of cancer blogs. You may want to send them your montage link, if you're interested.

Relax, think calm thoughts, tell your friend "shhhhhh!" and have her squeeze your hand and offer support, if it would help. Touch is a powerful medicine.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 06:56 AM

6:43am. I am up, showered, clothes laid out, meds laid out, bed made, my stuff in the room is packed up....all that is left is to actually get dressed, have some breakfast, take more meds (oh my word, why is it that steroids have to be SO DAMN bitter? Gag, gag, sputter, ick, gag some more). MUST PUT LIDACAIN ON BEFORE 7:30!!!

I have a friend traveling with us this time. She's a doll baby with a heart of gold. However....she likes to be chatty and loud in the morning and right now, while I need to focus inside and gather my strength together, it's a bit much. She is trying to help and I love her for that but what I need is just a few minutes of quiet and rally Team Lily, you know? Can't be upset with her...she's trying to help.

So...if anyone reads this before 9:00am, here's what I need today....lots of postive thoughts for a CA-125 tumor marker test that falls in numbers. I need my platelet count to remain steady at 113 and not fall any further. I need a nurse who is kind, gentle and GOOD at getting the port needle in on the first try. I need to take several ouji breaths....it's not necessarily the situation that leads our breathing but rather our breathig can lead us into a situation in the mode we desire the most. I am searching myself for calmness, a sense of humor and my intelligence which I KNOW is in here somewhere. I need a Dr. who isn't going to yell at me because I gained 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks. I've been starving...what can I say? Salt. Salt. And more salt please. Can't get enough.   I need prayers and positives for all good things.
    Time to get moving. I look foward to seeing all of you in a few hours (I have my laptop with me!)

Much love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 May 10 - 11:51 PM

Michelle, you will be a force to be reckoned with once you're through all of this. And a huge help to others going through it, if they read these posts at a time when they really need information.

I've had someone contact me who never read Mudcat before, but found a particular post in a thread because she was searching for any information, personal accounts in particular, of the condition that he son has. I described my son's treatment, and it was a huge help to her to contact me and exchange information, but she couldn't do that until she read what had been written at Mudcat. We may right now have followers who lurk but never say a word (but you're welcome to, just use a guest name and be consistent when you visit). They're gaining strength from your experiences. And weeping about going into something painful isn't backsliding, it's understanding that you must do this and move forward, but you don't like it, so you complain some. At least you're doing exactly what you need to do to get over this cancer. That is the important message.

Good luck kiddo, and we'll be looking for your posts when you feel up to writing.

Maggie

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 May 10 - 10:29 PM

I am at the House of Care after a long day. I got way overtired and cranky....just like the toddler that Allison described and put myself in time out for a nap. I needed it. Badly.

I made a casserole and salad to bring along for dinner and that worked out fine. After dinner Mom and I went to the grocery store to pick up some milk....ran into my surgeon there. He gave me a big hug, told me I looked good and then he paused and he said, "No, you look TERRIFIC." I told him that it was courtesy of him. He smiled and said, "Partly." :) I love that man!

I still am not wanting to go tomorrow morning but I'm pretty sure there's not a single soul there who has looked forward to it all week long. What can I say? I WANT MY LIFE BACK. I am just NOW feeling strong and having energy. I want to work in the garden. I want to putter around our home. I want to clean off the front porch. I don't want to have to ask to use a scooter. I HATE IT. I HATE that I have to take my normally perky self in there to go home and ride the chemo coaster again. Let me say it again, I HATE IT.

While I'm at it, I have 4 eyelashes on my right eye and a few more on the left. My eyebrows are about gone save for a few strays that like to go every which way and one of them is WHITE. WHITE!!!!

And that ass kicking? Doesn't work unless you've been here. Sorry. I was under the impression that the scooter belonged to the church. Sorry about that too. I have no idea what's going on. Can't find a brain cell to save my life. Packed up stuff for sandwiches while I'm here....3 slices of ham, 2 slices of cheese, etc.....did I remember to pack the um....BREAD?!!?!??   Nope. Gotta love these giant gaps of common sense and normal remembering gaps. ARG.

Someone remember to get me up at 7:00am tomorrow so I can put the numbing cream on in time so it actually works before they stick that giant needle into my chest?

And platelets. I need platelets. Lots of platelets.

So People...please powerful prayers for plenty of perky platelets, pretty please. Panic persists pertaining to pesky plummeting platelets. Pitiful!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 May 10 - 02:27 PM

For LF only.

Susan has graciously agreed to let me borrow the church scooter (Had drving lessons with it last night) for Thursday......might have to PM her about another evening as well. I know my legs aren't going to work well enough to do what I want to do, so this is an option. I'm happy for it butF*CK....I'd MUCH RATHER be able to do it ON MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!

:~) [singsong] I'se gonna get you for that one........ [grin grin] I'se gonna quote YOU!:

Picking up from last night's conversation when you said [insert name of another CA battler who KNOWS how it is] had to kick your butt and you liked it-- needed it--

[grin grin] KICK KICK from the scooter-er:

===

[grin grin] KICK KICK You ARE doing it "ON MY OWN" (yourself) when you are on a scooter!!! LICK KICK!!! [grin grin]

(And another load of KICK KICKs from ADA people!)

[grin grin] You knock THAT shite off before Relay if you plan on using it then to loan to the other Relayers you described! KICK KICK [grin grin] Respect them!?!?!

(end of KICK KICK)

[grin grin] You should have the several emails by now covering the #2 request-- short version in case hotmail is slow tdy-- -- yes, remember the safety lesson too, read the manual, and get key from Lisa. Or fone Hardi.

Also (clarification) it is not "the church scooter." It is mine, that I KEEP at the church when it can be loaned. (My family bought it for ME and I choose to share it, about halftime.)

===

We'se still a-prayin' ferya, and don't forget the Ambien!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: mouldy
Date: 16 May 10 - 01:19 PM

Just tell yourself that each treatment you have makes one less in the future. (Easy to say, I suppose, when I don't have to go through it myself). You have proved yourself to be one amazingly strong woman, and you are quite within your rights to feel as you do. Nobody is superhuman, even if they do a fairly good impression!

You have come so far already on this journey, and you will see it through!

Andrea xx

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 May 10 - 12:23 PM

listen to your fairy godmother, not everybody has one!

sending lots of love

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Faceboo
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 May 10 - 11:30 AM

Michelle, you can do it, and you'll come out stronger at the end of the week. We all know that. Take care, and comfort yourself with the routines you've worked out.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 May 10 - 08:51 AM

Just sitting here while you cry it out, as I did with my toddlers. When you're ready, dear one, you've got all these laps to snuggle on for love and hugs. We'll be with you all day, you know.

Besides, in my new role as fairy godmother, you know that extends to the mama of the baby as well, doncha?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 May 10 - 08:45 AM

Most important part of this post: Allison is going to be a fairy god mother to one very sweet baby boy............LOVE THAT!!!

Now on to today's reality.

I am going to Geisinger today. My 5th chemo treatment will begin around 10:30ish unless my platelet count has dropped further and then I'm not sure what they will do. The options are to send me home for a week to see if they come back up on their own or a platelet transfusion.

I laid down in my bed last night and just sobbed. I don't want to go there today. I'm tired of going there. I don't want that fish hook of a needle in my chest. Further, I don't want all the pain that follows the treatment......I just don't want it. I'm finally feeling GOOD and can MOVE, my energy is up....not to normal, but it is UP. And now I am taking myself back to get kicked down again. My house is not the way I want it for when I return, I have something that want to do almost every night next week. Susan has graciously agreed to let me borrow the church scooter (Had drving lessons with it last night) for Thursday......might have to PM her about another evening as well. I know my legs aren't going to work well enough to do what I want to do, so this is an option. I'm happy for it butF*CK....I'd MUCH RATHER be able to do it ON MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!

I DO NOT WANT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!   (*&^&^$%$#@$ #@$%#&%^$*^%$^%$@#^%(&^)(*&))(*^(&^$%$@_)()*^&&$%^&%$*^%$%$#@^%$*^)*&)_(*&)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: JennieG
Date: 16 May 10 - 02:28 AM

That's great to hear! I've been out of the loop lately as we have moved house and had no computer for a while.

Love the wedding idea!

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 May 10 - 02:24 PM

I only gots one thing to say...

            _______  _______ _________ _______  _______ _________ _______  _______ _________ _______  _ 
  |\     /|(  ___  )(  ___  )\__   __/(  ____ \(  ____ )\__   __/(  ____ \(  ____ \\__   __/(  ____ \( )
  | )   ( || (   ) || (   ) |   ) (   | (    \/| (    )|   ) (   | (    \/| (    \/   ) (   | (    \/| |
  | | _ | || |   | || |   | |   | |   | (__    | (____)|   | |   | (__    | (__       | |   | |      | |
  | |( )| || |   | || |   | |   | |   |  __)   |     __)   | |   |  __)   |  __)      | |   | |      | |
  | || || || |   | || |   | |   | |   | (      | (\ (      | |   | (      | (         | |   | |      (_)
  | () () || (___) || (___) |   | |   | (____/\| ) \ \_____) (___| )      | )      ___) (___| (____/\ _ 
  (_______)(_______)(_______)   )_(   (_______/|/   \__/\_______/|/       |/       \_______/(_______/(_)
  

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:47 PM

My darling girl, this is what I get for being on a "computer-diet" for the past week- and what a week it's been for you!
I've just scrolled back and read about the Cancer Survivor's Party, your wedding vow renewal (if Sinsull and jacqui get to be bridesmaids, I get to be flower girl!!) the baby from Ethiopia (I love all the name ideas.... except Elmore. I'm on your side!!), the Facebook celebrity, and your last, heartfelt, beautiful post 25 minutes ago. You beautiful, beautiful woman.

Queen Eliz. II is said to have called the year Charles and Diana and Andrew and Fergie all fell apart as her annus horribilis. You just may want to call this year your annus mirabilis ("year of marvels") for the growth, wisdom, and joy you have achieved.

So, this baby must just have been born? When will you have pictures? May I be the first to claim "fairy godmother" status??

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:46 PM

Here's a link to my montage. I last updated it in late April. It will be updated again next week!

My Journey

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:24 PM

Michelle, please post a link again to your montage. I think you've probably updated it since I last viewed, it, but the link is in this 1000+ thread somewhere. . . easier to bring it back up to the top. Thanks!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:12 PM

Sins,

   I might just put together a book when this is all done. Not only do I write here, but I have a private blog as well...one where many more details and fussing goes on.....keeps me sane! I also keep it so I can remember.....tried to read it from the start the other day but it was just too emotional for me.

   Speaking of emotional, last night after I had run errands all day for my mom, I decided to hit the grocery store in her town to pick up some water that was on sale. I ended up with a few more things but to make a long story short, I was looking at the salad dressings when I felt a hand on my shoulder and a Hey...how are you? I turned around to find someone I met early on in my cancer journey. We chatted a few minutes and then she said, "Have you heard the news?" Blank look from me. Nope. What news? She told me that she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer for the 3rd time. Her husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer ON THE SAME DAY!!! Holy suckfest Batman!!! What's with that?!?!?!?   And then earlier in the day, Mom and I had stopped to visit some folks from our church...he had had prostate cancer and they told us about another friend from church that either has or had prostate cancer. He decided to get the seed radiation and had to drive over 2 hours every day to get to the hospital (that's just getting there!). So I'm beginning to wonder what in the world is going on? Why do so many people have cancer? Why is it such a big secret? I feel so blessed to have met all these people along the path but wonder why I had to be sick or they had to be sick for us to meet? It's almost like a secret society. For me, I am VERY open about it...you all know that. For me, being able to talk, share, learn and to give or receive support is a lifeline for me. Quite honestly, if I had to live with the panic and anxiety I felt in December until now, I don't know if I could have done it. I still have panic attacks and moments of severe anxiety but I'm learning how to get through those more and more....but had that fear been constant, I seriously doubt I would still be here. I can remember Pete telling me that I didn't need to worry about the cancer because I was going to have a heart attack long before I'd need treatment. It was bad for me...with that said, I know others are not wired the same as me...therefore, the lack of support or the idea of not seeking support or keeping their cancer privatenis ok with them. Still. It makes no sense to me. I'm thankful for each and every one of you who has helped me along, extended a hand, lent a shoulder, given me tissues....all of it!!!!
   I'm rambling, I know. I just don't get how there can be this entire community out there for people with cancer that most healthy people have NO idea about. I have to say, it's a WONDERFUL community filled with more compassion for one another than I've ever experienced in my life. I think it's sad that it can't be that way for everybody, all the time.
   My perceptions of my life, the people in my life, what's important to me (or maybe not so important after all) and I how respond to things have all changed substantially. I look different (from how I used to and also different from the norm in society) and I feel different. Does we all really need to go through something so dramatic to wake up?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 May 10 - 11:01 AM

Michelle,
I was not not exaggerating when I said that there is a book to come out of all this. You really are a shining star and your story needs to be shared. Apparently others see it too. It is your honest confrontation of your fear, anger, despair,loss and determination to get past it all whole and healthy that needs to be shared.
Congratulations on the recognition.
Love,
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 May 10 - 09:52 AM

LF, see PM.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 15 May 10 - 07:21 AM

How wonderful! Can you imagine the boost that that will give to others walking your road.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 10 - 07:10 AM

Me too!