BS: Do people steal toilet paper?

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 01:58 PM

Going back a bit, consider that the people whose job it is to gatekeep all of these trivial items would probably be unemployable if they were not sitting there counting beans. Also consider the power they feel when they hand out 25 staples to you. Just by asking, their lives have been lightened.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Kim C
Date: 19 Aug 02 - 10:48 AM

Here in the South people used to use corn cobs. Now, I have never tried this myself, but I understand that corn cobs are actually pretty soft once they dry out.

I knew it was a silly thread, and I said so in the first post. But I wanted to know of the threat of TP theft is really so great that we desk-slaves should be deprived of this staple during the workday.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: X
Date: 18 Aug 02 - 11:19 PM

I haven't a square to spare.

Liz, That was the Spotted Owl I was speaking of. ;o)

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 18 Aug 02 - 10:19 PM

I remember going to lunch at the Washington Navy Yard's O club. The was a gent ther we called "The Napkin Man". He'd stuff his pockets with paper napkins.

To the tune of The Muffin Man: The Napkin Man, The Napkin Man, stuffing his pockets as much as he can!

As to TP, there is no worse feeling than getting down to the core in the middle of "the task". Unless it's having to use the core itself!

Sailors at sea used clam shells, so "quicherbitchin"!

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: YOR
Date: 17 Aug 02 - 12:55 PM

Bruce, Did you post the score in both threads to keep it fair?

Can you spare just 3 squares?

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Aug 02 - 10:06 AM

Just an update on the silly thread-topic race:

Current score:

Do people steal toilet paper? - 60 posts

Why do men wear socks with sandals? - 56 posts

Which one will reach 100 posts first? It's neck and neck going into the final turn.

(Intentional double posts and unnecessary refreshes will be grounds for disqualification.)
Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Banjer
Date: 17 Aug 02 - 07:08 AM

When participating in Civil War reenactments in most locales PortaLets are the only facilities available. Sometimes they are not serviced as regulalrly as one would like and consequently run out of necessaary supplies. Several rolls of extra paper are a standeard commodity in our camp gear. Since our unit is an Artillery unit we are usually situated on the 'outskirts' of most camps, nearer the facilities than most others. When paper ran out in one of them one of our troops once posted a sign in the Portalet that paper was for sale for a nickel a sheet in our camp! We actualy had folks offering to buy whole rolls of paper from us! (Being fellow campers, we supplied them at no charge of course) Sure could be a lucrative business, rip off all the rolls in the johns and sell them to whoever needs them!!

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 17 Aug 02 - 01:25 AM

"Hey buddy!"
"What?"
"You got any toilet paper in your stall?"
"Nope. None here."

Long pause

"Hey, buddy!"
"What?"
"You got five ones for a five?"

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: YOR
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 11:00 PM

Oh, lets sell this idea to Fox, "Martha Stewart Does Time Reality Series".

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 03:53 PM

YOR said:

"When Martha Stewart goes to jail, do you think she will like the toilet paper there?"

Probably too well-bred and inhibited to actually SAY anything about it, if she doesn't like it. But the color on those walls has GOT to GO!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 02:11 PM

fogie, think about it. Men use toilet paper perhaps once or twice a day. Women use it every time they visit the facility...

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 01:29 PM

When it comes to "why so many brands of TP" - In a free-market society, different types of a product are in direct proportion to the importance of that product in everyday life. Check out your local grocery - paper products, cereal, bread, soda, beer, dog & cat food all have huge varieties. They figure that there is a huge market already, that all they have to do is find a small market of a percentage point or two of the total amount to be successful.

That's why there's only a couple different brands of pickled herring.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Kim C
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 11:40 AM

I am not talking about using "extra" when you're in the stall, or even taking some back to your cube to be prepared when it runs out. I am talking about taking it off the premises. I mean, if I were going to steal something from an office, it sure as heck wouldn't be TP!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 11:04 AM

Yorkshire Tony: Standing a cat in a sink with even a small amount of water in it is a risky proposition! What I do with my long-haired cat, when the inevitable happens, is to hold him on my lap or lay him down on the floor and wipe him up gently with wet paper towels (he's placid enough that I don't have to wrap him in a cloth towel to keep him from clawing, but that wouldn't be a bad idea). There again, the thought is to simulate his being cleaned by a mother-cat. Afterwards I pat him dry and let him clean up the rest of the dampness (and whatever residue may remain) from his fur himself.

As to the toilet paper subject: I went to my doctor's office last week, and in the restroom was one of those toilet paper dispensers that doesn't dispense. It was empty, and above it was a makeshift wooden shelf screwed into the wall with a loose roll of toilet paper sitting on the shelf. Seems it was too much of a pain to FILL the dispenser as well as empty it!

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: artbrooks
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 10:58 AM

Then there's the story, from a Seamus Kennedy CD, about the drunk who goes into a confessional. The priest says "how may I help you, my son" and the guy replies "is there any paper on your side". Seamus tells it better.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: GUEST,Rob
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 10:52 AM

then of course there is the TRUE story of the bloke who sitting minding his own business is asked by the person in the neighbouruing cubicle if he has some paper as he has none.And could he pass it under the gap. So he peels off a few sheets and passes them under. The guy on the other side stands on his hand robs his watch and runs for it. So be warned next time someone asks you to pass some through.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: GUEST,nobby
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 10:46 AM

who do they sell the windscreen wipers to ? the people they have just stolen them from . Thats Thatcherism at its best/worst.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 10:43 AM

is it stealing if you use it when you are there in the cubicle doing the business. Are you only allowed to use a certain amount of sheets? The act of putting them in the cubicle is saying "here have these use as many as you like .No charge." Surely if you take a few extra and "put them behind your ear for later you are not steal only being prepared for the day there is none left.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Kim C
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 10:04 AM

Yeah, and it probably cost $25 a roll...

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 01:51 AM

I have used U.S. Defence Dept paper - years and years ago - it was thin, brittle, one-ply, with a yellowish brown tone.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Yorkshire Tony
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 01:25 AM

LTS - As a keeper of rabbits I can refute the theory that it doesn't stick to them - despite the bear joke - I frequently have to clean them up.

Incidently if you ever need to clean up a cat - or rabbit - stand it in a sink with only a small anmount of warm water and gently sponge it down. Don't plonk it in a full sink up to its neck unless wearing chainmail. I think the cat regards it as much the same as being licked clean by its mum.

I can remember visiting a student friend who must have had several hundred rolls of Defence Dept toilet paper stockpiled after a summer vacation job - I don't know how he smuggled it out given the security system.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Aug 02 - 12:05 AM

Herga - Yeah, I bet there is. There's a black market in just about everything, I believe. I've heard that people steal windshield wipers off parked cars and sell them.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 11:18 PM

When I was a medical student I had a professor who told me the system he and his friend used to decide which residency program they were going to choose. They took a sample of toilet paper from the residents' lounge in each hospital they visited. When they got home they "sampled" each one, and chose the hospital whose paper was softest.

Their reasoning was that this would tell them how much the hospital administration cared about the welfare of its resident physicians. Now, I'm not sure about the validity of that particular method of inquiry, but having survived three years in a residency program where the residents were NOT cared about, I think they were exactly right to focus on that question.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: YOR
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 10:25 PM

When Martha Stewart goes to jail, do you think she will like the toilet paper there?

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 01:37 PM

Stealing is possibly more acceptable than borrowing and returning?

LH - I heard from a friend who worked in Moscow for a while that there was a black market in used light bulbs - for people who wanted to nick working light bulbs without people noticing too quickly.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Kim C
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 01:20 PM

No, keeping it at the office wouldn't be stealing. I'm talking about people taking it off the premises.

And yeah, it does seem funny that there are so many different kinds. It's all PAPER, innit?

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 01:07 PM

The Soviet system cured a lot of people of their socialist soul... :-) But...no economic or social system works well when combined with a dehumanized, authoritarian, repressive, one-party dictatorship, and a ruthless military machine. Try capitalism under those same general conditions and see how much you like it, assuming you're not one of the few at the top.

Now a new song just occurred to me, inspired by this thread...

"Where has all the toilet paper gone? (br> Long time passing..."

etc.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: robomatic
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 12:38 PM

Well, maybe it's my socialist soul that wonders why there are so many brands available considering what I want to use them for. I will confess to utilizing a roll at the office for nose blowing when I am feeling phlegmish. I don't consider it to be stealing because it don't leave the office and it's cheaper than kleenex which is also provided at the office (and I don't rip it out of a stall where someone might have other uses for it).

Anyhow, my first experience of Soviet toilet paper cured my socialist soul. My brother wrote me a letter on it!

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: lostbunny
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 11:23 AM

Overheard in a shop: Woman Customer: "How much are your toilet rolls?" Shop Assistant: "Four pounds for a pack of twelve." [Or something like that] Customer: "Oh, well that's too much for what I want them for..."

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 11:15 AM

Those huge rolls, I notice, are narrower than standard TP. So if the average use is, say, five squares, the use-area per usage is less. Thus overall material cost should be lower, along with theft-avoidance.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Mr Red
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 10:10 AM

call me a pedant but is BS the correct heading for a thread on toilet paper?
for cleaning-up afterwards perhaps but where has all the Toilet Paper gone?

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: fogie
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 08:45 AM

Perhaps you ladies could help here , but I can get by on one toilet roll for maybe up to a month (?dont quote me,) but when my daughter, or partner comes to stay the roll's gone in less than a week, now what on earth do they do with it? If theyre using handfulls of the stuff wouldnt it be better to use say a babywipe. This is a difficult subject for a chap so dont rant or laugh!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 06:16 AM

its not just bog paper- there's thieves who pinch the washbasin plugs too!

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 03:59 AM

I hate those huge rolls that police you on how many sheets you can have - and then shoot back round so that you can't find the end any more...
And the STUUUUUUPIIIIID dispensers we have at our office!! They have an arrangement whereby the next roll is stacked above the first & should fall down into place when the first is removed. Fine, except you have to rip & crush the cardboard middle of the first roll in order to force it out of the little hole at the bottom before you can get at the second roll. AND they seem to have changed the guage of the middles & so now the upper roll falls down prematurely and so the lower roll won't turn properly. AND they have that manky stuff where you can't start the roll off neatly - you end up having to dig about a centimetre into the thing before you can get the a continuous sheet.
AND - they've made our loos multi-cultural - ie men & women use same bog. That's OK in theory, but I don't remember quite so many skid-marks, pubes & wet floors when we had a women-only toilet!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Aug 02 - 02:19 AM

No, not owls, rabbits.... everyone knows that it doesn't stick to their fur.....

Back to the stationery subject, my office is so strict on budget control that you have to show the empty pen before you can get a replacement. The replacements come in boxes of 50 and when left in an unlocked cupboard, can vanish in a matter of days. These boxes of really crappy biros cost say, £2.50. A box of nice rollerballs that last twice as long (if some bugger doesn't steal it from your desk) but costs twice as much, come in boxes of 25 for the same price, £2.50. That's 10p for a pen that lasts twice as long and is nicer to use. Guess which ones we are not allowed to buy..... go on, guess!! And all because the crappy ones are cheaper at the outset. No-one seems to think forward far enough for economics, just savings today....

And I recall that the paper in the public toilets in Aldershot (military town) was all printed with 'Government Property - now wash your hands'.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: X
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 10:11 PM

We could end all the thievery and eat only with our right hands or wipe or butts with owls.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 09:29 PM

Well, Bee et al, you question is an easy one. From the same office referred to above:

One of our employees stole a 1/2 roll of paper towels almost EVERY DAY. He smushed them and put them in his brief-case.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: robomatic
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 09:27 PM

I read an article about a white collar executive type in the States who was terminated for pilfering TP from the bathrooms at his workplace. Where I work I am not aware of any such losses but when the building manager upgraded the bathrooms he had 'eccentric' TP dispensers installed. They have little projections which prevent one from pulling the spindle through a full 360 degree circle. In short order the blokes on my floor had carved those nubbins down to nothin' and we can yank all's we please. Nevertheless, there's always plenty of paper and no stealin'.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: YOR
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 09:07 PM

In college just about everybody on the floor, 18 guys, would each have thier own personal roll. Take it with you to do your thing and take it back to your room. Oh, and guard it with your life. It seemed the rolls in the bathroom were always either missing, wet or on the floor (yuck).

Work is no problem, there are always two rolls hanging and two rolls sitting on top. In a slow area of the building thats plenty. Now if I could only train my family to keep a supply in the bathroom vanity cabinet.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 08:05 PM

It'd taste awful.

But where's the problem - stick it in a coat pocket, or under your shirt like a folkie's pot-belly.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 07:53 PM

I can understand how a woman might get a roll of TP out of the office if she has a large purse, but how would a guy manage it? Stick it under his hat? You'd need a really big hat. Maybe that's why guys with dreads wear those big puffy knit caps? That's it! The Rastafarians are the ones stealing all the toilet paper! And what are they using it for? Rolling ganja!

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 07:45 PM

An old woman died near our office.

When they went into her home, in addition to many "mummified" cats in shoe-boxes in one of her closets, they also found a room with over 1000 rolls of "executive" toilet tissue stolen from the public restroom of our office.

Blackcatter - WHY take the extra napkins?

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 05:59 PM

This is why many offices and public places have gone to the giant rolls - another good reason is that they run out less quickly, so overall, it reduces the amount of time it takes to replace TP. Maybe not that big of a deal, but the sealed cases also keeps the TP clean and dry.

I don't steal TP, but I do take extra napkins when I eat at a fast-food resaurant. Only 5 or 6, and I don't eat at them very often.

pax yall

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: GUEST,Peter from Essex
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 05:39 PM

I have known people ro take a roll of paper from the office toilet rather than buy a box of Kleenex or use a handkerchief.

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 04:21 PM

You would have to be an asshole to do a thing like that. Especially when it's real cheap to buy second-hand.
Failte.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Kim C
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 03:25 PM

I guess I am just naive about these things. We had to set up a whole control process for depositing checks. Because I take the deposit to the bank, I can't collect the checks and make the check log. Likewise, the person who collects the checks, can't take the deposit to the bank. And because I take the deposit to the bank, if the check collector is out and I have to stamp the checks, someone has to witness me stamping the checks. But no one has to witness the check collector stamping the checks, because she doesn't actually take the deposit to the bank.

And I'm thinking, holy Moses, I don't know even the first THING about embezzling money.

Then there was the time I was trying to make sure we paid a bill correctly... the vendor was asking me all these questions, and I said, look, I'm trying to GIVE you some money, why would I lie about so-and-so?

I guess I'm just not larcenous enough...

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: GUEST,Bill Kennedy
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 03:22 PM

would you rather they just borrowed it for a bit?

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: RichM
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 03:14 PM

I don't know if you can call it stealing, but I do take it several sheets at a time, but only for *personal* use!

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 02:41 PM

The way out from the circular process of pre-emptive stealing that I mentioned up there is to have an emergency stash in your pocket, just in case. Especially at folk festivals, where it's not just the roll-stealers you are up against but the heavy users, and the slow changers (and also the accident-prone-under-stress, like DonD).

Subject: RE: BS: Do people steal toilet paper?
From: Mudlark
Date: 14 Aug 02 - 02:13 PM

DonD...great story! Thanks for a morning laugh...tho it may have been a little difficult to see the humor at the time.