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Folklore: Cursing Thread
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: wysiwyg Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:49 PM To whom it may concern (not YOU of course): Thou shalt be cursed.... to write long, heartfelt-- nay, impassioned-- and intricate posts... ... sprinkled with a multitude of deeply-Googled, thoroughly-researched, cleverly-titled blue clickies.... ... only to find the Mudcat hard disk too full to take your post and your back button suddenly inoperable.... Yea, thou shalt be cursed to be increasingly voluble and articulate, yet find all the foregoing befall you oftener and oftener in geometric proportion to your developing writing skills... And thou shalt find the Help Forum deaf to your cries, your personal page unable to send PMs, and your MudPal email addys lost from wherever you keep them.... Thou shalt wander nameless forever in the land of Mudcat and be forevermore known only as anonymous GUEST. OK, I changed my mind, just kidding. ~Susan |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Joe_F Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:36 PM About 1960 I lived in a rooming house with a common kitchen, and used to keep a flask of orange juice in the refrigerater, which was frequently robbed. I put it in a paper bag to lessen the temptation, but to no avail. At length, I composed the following and attached in to the flask, inside the bag, so that no honest person would see it: THIEVES BEWARE! A CURSE Hex'd is this flask of orange juice. Cursed by thou who stealest from it! Forthwith upon the floor of Hell Mayst thou its contents blood-streak'd vomit And live amidst its steam & smell While round thee white-hot virgins plummet And egg thee on to self-abuse In saecula saeculorum, Amen! It worked. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Big Mick Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:33 PM The "Empty liquids from your mouth and solids from your bowels, prior to reading this" rule is hereby invoked. Anyone violating said rule shall be subject to the maximum punishment allowed. Alaska Mike and Harvey Andrews, the only thing that saves youse layabouts is the fact that I had not invoked the rule. Otherwise you would both be languishing in a rat infested prison cell, cleaning monitor screens, soiled breeches, and keyboards from dawn to dusk. Mick |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: harvey andrews Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:23 PM May you suffer ambition without talent. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Alaska Mike Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:10 PM May the songwriter you spurned, remember your name. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: steve in ottawa Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:58 PM Forgot to return that book? For him that Stealeth a Book from this Library, Let it change into a Serpent in his hand & rend him. Let him be struck with Palsy, & all his Members blasted. Let him languish in Pain crying aloud for Mercy, Let there be no Surcease to his Agony till he sink to Dissolution. Let Bookworms gnaw his Entrails in token of the Worm that dieth not, When at last he goeth to his final Punishment, Let the flames of hell consume him for ever & aye. From the Monastery of San Pedro, Barcelona, a blanket curse for the entire library...(I really wish this one existed, but unfortunately, it appears that it is apocryphal -- there is no monastery in San Pedro. It's so nasty though that I include it anyway.) Always return books. As for stealing 'em...(shudder). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Once Famous Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:50 PM "May you take a spiked dildo up your ass." This could also be used as a way to avoid hemmoroids in that thread. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Bill D Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:40 PM "May you be stranded on an island with half a dozen of the most tedious boors you know!" "May all the the people who know your deepest secrets meet when you are absent." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Little Hawk Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:25 PM In India that is not a problem. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: dick greenhaus Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:22 PM two Yiddish classics- You should live like a chandelier. You should hang all day and burn all night! You should drop dead with an erection, so they can't close the lid on youe coffin. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Little Hawk Date: 16 Apr 04 - 04:42 PM chuckle! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Don Firth Date: 16 Apr 04 - 04:20 PM Another of Elmar's choice tidbits: Mrs. Ginsberg runs into Mrs. Plotnik and as they converse, Mrs. Ginsberg remarks, "That's a lovely diamond ring. So big."Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Big Mick Date: 16 Apr 04 - 04:00 PM That lad is fit for tending mice at the crossroads |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: GUEST,Den Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:52 PM May your balls swell up and your bag never burst. Crude but effective. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: GUEST Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:38 PM "Some people confuse cursing, swearing, vulgar language, and blasphemy, which are all different concepts. So far in this thread the posts have (correctly) been all about cursing." So where does cussing come into this? Personally, I love "colorful" language. Expletives. Language to make a sailor blush. Talkin' like a truck driver. I actually had a truck driver once comment to me that even HE find my vulgar language shockingly entertaining. Especially when used creatively, as the Irish use their "vulgar" language, I love to cuss and use foul mouthed language. Also, blasphemy is pretty much in the eye of the believer, so taking any lord's name in vain has never been much of an issue to secular ole me. I don't think it is a generational thing though, as many presume. It has always been more of a class issue (ie nice, middle class/aspiring to assimilate to middle class folks use "civilized" language). My Scandinavian grandpa, who eventually became a wealthy man, detested what he thought was the phoniness in the "cultured" classes over language used. Also, not all cultures frown upon women cussing and swearing, although that is usually the province and privlege of being an elder. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Little Hawk Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:27 PM May you have the luck of Saddam! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Amos Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:24 PM May you grow the heart of a Republiscan and the mind of a Democrat! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Don Firth Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:22 PM Two more old Yiddish curses (in memory of my late friend, Elmar Lanczos, who told me of these): Person with bad stammer, "Wh-wh-when I d-d-die, I w-w-w-will be-be-bequeath y-y-you my m-m-m-m-mouth!" And May you have a hundred mansions. And in each mansion, may you have a hundred bedrooms. And may each bedroom may you have a hundred beds. And may insomnia keep you bouncing from bed to bed! Mazeltov! Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Leadfingers Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:11 PM I was told that the worst thing you could call some one in German was ' Grosse Arshe Mit Euren ' Translated as A Big Arse with Ears On . With apologies for my atrocious German ! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: GUEST,Shlio Date: 16 Apr 04 - 02:54 PM May your tongue and mind be cursed to express establishment views |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Little Hawk Date: 16 Apr 04 - 02:47 PM I find this sort of thing much more satisfying than mere vulgar swearing... :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Stilly River Sage Date: 16 Apr 04 - 02:18 PM Nell Flaherty's Drake is a favorite song of my childhood. We sang along with gusto when Dad sang it, and with the Clancy recording. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Big Mick Date: 16 Apr 04 - 02:10 PM I have always loved the old Yiddish curse. It doesn't translate well, but you get the point: You should only grow like an onion, with your head hanging in hell!" Love those folks, Mick |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Amos Date: 16 Apr 04 - 01:46 PM May the sewers of Rangoon back up into your breakfast cereal! (Johnny Carson) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Chief Chaos Date: 16 Apr 04 - 01:24 PM I always liked the one my mother used on us: May you have children just like you! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: TheBigPinkLad Date: 16 Apr 04 - 01:20 PM Two common curses from my childhood: May your balls turn square and fester at the corners May your shit have only one end eeeew. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Rapparee Date: 16 Apr 04 - 01:07 PM I've always liked "May the grass grow before the door to your home." The imagery of a place no one visits is wonderful. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Ellenpoly Date: 16 Apr 04 - 12:46 PM Remind me not to get on your bad side, LH..xx..e |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Don Firth Date: 16 Apr 04 - 12:33 PM Glorious, Little Hawk! I've saved it for an appropriate occasion. With the Middle East in the news these days, I recall an Egyptian exchange student I knew at the U. of W. back in the Fifties. He was once heard to mumble, "May wild pigs defile the grave of your maternal grandmother!!" Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: JennyO Date: 16 Apr 04 - 12:05 PM Not original, but I have always liked this one: "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 16 Apr 04 - 11:05 AM Some people confuse cursing, swearing, vulgar language, and blasphemy, which are all different concepts. So far in this thread the posts have (correctly) been all about cursing. As a registered Pedant, I thank you, thank you, thank you! Dave Oesterreich |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Amos Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:59 AM This composition which is based on the old Irish curse song "Nell Flaherty's Drake" provides a fully updated inventory of colorful invocations. Regards, A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: GUEST,MMario Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:55 AM two of the best I've ever heard: May you live in "interesting" times. May you get what you deserve. Simple, so elegant, and so dastardly... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: Little Hawk Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:48 AM Avaunt, wretch! May you be cursed! May the harpies of hell descend upon you and assail you with a thousand nameless ills, you shambling, cretinous, simpleton, you wart on a pimple's posterior! May your teeth gnash in impotent frustration! May your blood curdle in your veins! May you be despised and cast out from the world of men, to wander unpitied and scorned through the barren wilderness where even the scavenger birds mock you! May all the biting insects descend upon your wretched form in a pestilential cloud and drive you to jibbering madness! And there at last, alone and unsuccoured, may you meet the miserable fate you so richly deserve, and the jackals pick your bones! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread From: wysiwyg Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:08 AM Better done in the original--French-- from dear Hardiman: "May you be pecked up the ass by a bird with a big, long beak!" ~Susan |
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Subject: BS: Cursing Thread From: Rapparee Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:05 AM In Irish history and folklore, as well as that of other countries (including the US), cursing contests have been recorded. In Patrick Powers' "The Book of Irish Curses" (p.22, Mercer Books, 1974) he supplies this example from County Fermanagh: Willis: May your hens take the disorder and your cows the crippen, and you calves the white scour! My yourself go stoneblind so that you will not know your wife from a hay-stack! Murphy: May the seven terriers of hell sit on the spool of your breast and bark in at your soul-case! I've seen some now-deleted threads that indicate that 'Catters are good at name calling, but I've long wondered if true cursing isn't a lost art. So here's a chance to demonstrate otherwise. Pretend you've got someone in your sights (GWB, Tony Blair, GUEST, John Kerry, Bill Shatner, you choose your favorite) and blast 'em with a curse that will shrivel 'em up like a raisin in a dry wind. But -- you can't use any of the "seven words you can't say on TV" because they're so common they've lost their effectiveness. You gotta be creative! And name-calling isn't cursing, so if you're going to call someone names, put a curse in with it. Here's another example from Powers to get you thinking. The whole thing is on page 87. A Mháire Ní Dhúinléith, go n-imí ort! Páiste trasna ort agus nár bheire tú coíche é! Oh Moll Dunlea, may harm overtake you! A child be within you, for ever unborn! Go for it. Try to be creative. |
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