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BS: Can someone please cheer me up?
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: tremodt Date: 20 Sep 01 - 07:01 PM a man wakes up with a hangover and he puts on his robe he reaches into his left pocket and pulls out a braseereand say i wonder wher i was last nite he reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a pair of panties and says wow i must have had a good time he goes into the bathroom and looks in the mirrow and there is a little string hanging out of his mouth and he says if there is a god in heaven please let this be a teabag |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: CarolC Date: 20 Sep 01 - 06:53 PM That's ok, kendall. Knives give me the willies ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Hollowfox Date: 20 Sep 01 - 05:24 PM Bagpuss, a lot of us are going around with that punched-in-the-gut feeling. Right now the fools/jesters/clowns of the world have the most important job in the world, and I wish I had their skills. Lacking that, I'm not gonna give any @!#$s the satisfaction of messing up my head (that's my job, and I don't need anybody butting in). It's normal to feel down, and it's normal to feel that way for a while; part of recovery, I guess. But after a while I decided that I had to consciously do something. Movement has been part of the cure for melancholia (depression) for a couple of centuries, at least, so move around, take a walk. Talk to people, don't let yourself just mope. This doesn't mean that it has to be cocktail party chatter; even talking about the world news is better than staying in your shell. Physically do some project; this is movement ited in with visible results. Clean out the attic, bake bread, or something, anything that leaves evidence that you did something. I keep thinking of something a friend told me after Stan Rogers died. I can't remember who the performers were, but I can try to find out, if need be. It was a male duo, and everybody was sad, of course. The first half of the evening, they sang a lot of Stan Rogers songs, reminisced, told stories, etc. After a break, they came out in loud Hawaiian shirts and did the funniest, most outrageous set they could. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: kendall Date: 20 Sep 01 - 04:34 PM One must make ones chances Carol C. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: CarolC Date: 20 Sep 01 - 04:06 PM Well, Spaw, you could be right. On the other hand, while I've had one or two lousy lovers, none of them have been that bad. And some of them have been quite good. So I've never had a chance to find out. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: GUEST,Mr. Sunshine Date: 20 Sep 01 - 03:56 PM Bagpuss, There is a line from the John Candy movie Armed and Dangerous in which one of the characters state that, "The world is a shithole full of shitty little people who are scared shitless." Basically true and not much to do about it. So to paraphrase a line from the movie Animal House, I suggest that you start drinking heavily. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: catspaw49 Date: 20 Sep 01 - 03:54 PM Ya' know Carol, I think we may have isolated the reason you're not married.............. Spaw(:<)) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: kendall Date: 20 Sep 01 - 03:52 PM Oh my wife's name is Lorena You really should have seen her She's beautiful is what I always said, My name is John Wayne Bobbitt, I work hard at my job it Was my right to have a little fun in bed,
Well, she wasn't in the mood then
Oh yes my little wifey took a little kitchen knifey
She took off with my promoter
I got back my little buddy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Justa Picker Date: 20 Sep 01 - 03:50 PM I heard it from an 80 year old man the other day. It might have lost a little in the translation. :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: DonMeixner Date: 20 Sep 01 - 03:48 PM Thats pretty good Johnny, But that aint' the way I hear'd it! One feller says t'other feller, "Hows yer sex life?" T'other feller says, "Pretty good, hows yours?" The forst feller says,"Not do red hot, Haven't had sex in six months, whats yer secret?" "Well Sir" T'other feller say,"After we start doing it with me behind her I reach around and grab a hold of her breast and say, Jeepers Honey, these melons ain't as big as yer sisters! Then its a purty good thing I got something to hang on too!" Don |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: CarolC Date: 20 Sep 01 - 03:34 PM That doggie trick would work exactly one time. Then, while he was sleeping, his wife would cut off his nuts. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Justa Picker Date: 20 Sep 01 - 03:22 PM A guy walks into a bar and order two shots of whisky. He downs one, and pours the other shot all over his hand. Then, he orders another round, and does exactly the same thing. As he's ordering the third round, bar tender leans into him and says "Hey Buddy, that's the strangest thing I've ever seen anyone do here. What's the deal?" And the guy says "Oh I'm just trying to get my date drunk as well." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Donuel Date: 20 Sep 01 - 03:03 PM Yee Haw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Justa Picker Date: 20 Sep 01 - 02:57 PM Two old friends who haven't seen each other for quite a while meet at a bar for drinks. They get to chit chatting about this and that, and then one says to the other "So how's your sex life?" And his friend says "lousy. Haven't had sex in months. How's yours?" And his friend says "fanatastic, can't complain". First guy then asks "so what's your secret to having such great sex?" And the second guy replies "Well I play this game with my wife called Rodeo. Pretty simple really. We start engaging in foreplay and both get pretty excited, and then I start doin' her doggie style...and then just as she's about to orgasm, I lean forward and whisper in her ear your sister does it better and then I try and hang on for dear life for the next 10 seconds!" Tah-dah-boom |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Brían Date: 20 Sep 01 - 02:44 PM tank you everyone. Now I can sing again. Brían |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Donuel Date: 20 Sep 01 - 02:15 PM Don and Bob come accross the deepest damn hole they have ever seen. Looking down Don tosses down a penny. It silently falls with no end. Bob chucks a big rock in , he hears it hit the sides but seemingly forever. Don tosses in a piece of log down the middle - no sound. Bob and Don togeter drag a large section of fence rail to the edge and push it in , no sooner than they saw it dissappear a goat comes charging up and leaps into the hole. A farmer comes by and Don and Bob ask "did you know about this hole? The farmer says " nope , all I know is that I tied my goat to the fence and they're both gone". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Cappuccino Date: 20 Sep 01 - 02:03 PM Hey, Baggy, just think of all the people who bothered to reply to you! That seems a pretty good start to me. Come on, give us a big smile.... !!!! - Ian B |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: SINSULL Date: 20 Sep 01 - 01:58 PM bert - don't make me smack you! Just when I am feeling my worst, the two remaining kittens discover a new source of adventure, the adult cats' litter box, a tin of talcum powder, a roll of toilet paper, whatever and assure me all will be well. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Bert Date: 20 Sep 01 - 01:09 PM Bagpuss - Shut up you miserable sod - *BG* Actually what will happen is, that Bush-Baby will go in there and try to swat someone down and either miss completely of give up just when he's got him on the run. Then things will get back to normal again. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: catspaw49 Date: 20 Sep 01 - 12:19 PM Bagpuss.....The quote is generally attributed to one of my favorite people.....J. Robert Oppenheimer. "oppie" was the Head of the Los Alamos group that developed the A-bomb and was later a very vocal critic of further nuclear bomb building......an also charged with being a communist. The exact quote is: "| The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true." Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: CarolC Date: 20 Sep 01 - 12:01 PM Bagpuss, for what it's worth, if anything, I believe it will change. I actually do. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Pseudolus Date: 20 Sep 01 - 09:43 AM My daughter has a habit of seeing a project (usually a school thing) that is huge and starts to give up because she doesn't know how to attack the enormity of the task. I try to tell her all the time that if she says she can't do it, she probably won't. Saying it can't be done eliminates your brain from ever being able to come up with a solution. To say "can't" makes you give up, to say "this is the hardest thing I'll ever have to do" challenges you. I consider us challenged, because being challenged keeps your mind thinking and pushing and visualizing success, i.e. creates optimists!! Thus enjoying the trip more (love that quote Kendall!!). This is not a trip anyone will actually enjoy, but it's a trip we'll all need to take, so stay positive..... Frank |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: wysiwyg Date: 20 Sep 01 - 09:24 AM YOU ARE ALIVE. All your joy must spring from this simple and very powerful thing.... you are allowed to be glad you are alive, and to celebrate everything that is good in your life. Part of the problem with terrorism is that it shuts down our awareness of what is good.... it's DESIGNED to have that effect, and it's not your fault when it does. But you CAN take charge of your mind and choose a viewpoint that puts these events in perspective. And that means looking at the world thorugh the lens of, "I'm here, and life is good, especially here: [fill in the blank] and here: [fill in the blank] and here: [fill in the blank] ....." That's how the war on terrorism is actually won-- person by person, in our own hearts and lives, whenever we choose to do that which we would do if the threat did not exist. Look to the lives of Jews (just one group as an example), who have lived, for so many generations, with the knowledge that despite not having done anything wrong personally, they may be blown up at any moment.... going on and living their lives anyway. Going to public places in large numbers. Singing even in the worst of circumstances. If they can do this, can't we? ~Susan |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: LR Mole Date: 20 Sep 01 - 08:53 AM Yeah...we have seemed to accelerate through the emotional range. But, on the other hand, it frees us up for each other. Technology seems scary and impenetrable, and can be abused. But on the other hand, it can create music, or save a child's life. Or connect us to, well, us.Pirsig says that the Place of Full Stop (where we can't do anything we wanted to, or expected to, or thought we had to) that we're at our most creative. Thus godlike. Thus human. (I'm being Pollyannaish here, but maturity will pass.) Hang in there. Or go hit the cat.That would cheer me up. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: GUEST,just a nobody Date: 20 Sep 01 - 08:23 AM Bagpuss, I know the feeling, you are far from alone on feeling depressed or worried about what is going on. When all of this first started I went through a whole range of emotions, fairly quickly. But when I needed to boost up I went to my children. Gave horse rides to my son, even bullrides till my back hurt. While I lay there in pain he was lauhing, and having a good old time playing with dad. Something we have done alot, but it took on special meaning to me this time. There was nothing different, but it let me forget all of the crap the world dishes out. Sure the world may not change overnight, but it is changing, slowly. In our lifetime, we may never see the end to constant attacks and counter attacks. But, with luck and teaching, our great grand children might see less of it. They may even learn tolerance that we have not seen in years. Unfortunatly, there will always be people that break the peace, that become intolerant. We deal with them as we must, then move on and try to learn from what we have done. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Bagpuss Date: 20 Sep 01 - 08:21 AM An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears that this is so. Who said that? Bagpuss |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Bagpuss Date: 20 Sep 01 - 08:16 AM But at least the pessimist is never disappointed.... Managed to raise half a smile there. Bagpuss |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: kendall Date: 20 Sep 01 - 08:08 AM Remember, the optomist and the pessimist are both on the same journey. However, the optomist will enjoy the trip. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: DonMeixner Date: 20 Sep 01 - 07:29 AM OK Baggs, A sales man stops at a farm house for a meal. As they sit down to eat the family pig sits at the table too. The pig has four gold medals and is missing a leg. The sales man says whats with the four gold medals? The farmer says, one he got for saving his daughter from drowning. The second he got for flagging down a train heading for the washed out bridge. The third he got stopping The Nelson gang from robbing the bank. And the fourth he got saving a church group from a cave in. Wow thats a special pig the sales man said, He loose the leg in the cave in? The farmer said No. a pig this special you don't eat all at one time. Don |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Jon Freeman Date: 20 Sep 01 - 07:00 AM Well Guest,Guest, I'm not familiar with "Dog eat Dog" but I'm hoping it is true and it has raised a smile from me. I have wondered on other occasions why contestants have not taken advantage of situations to ensure everyone gets something and I hope it marks the start of a trend, particularly as TV seems to like encouraging the darker and more selfish side of human nature. Jon |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: GUEST,Guest Date: 20 Sep 01 - 06:48 AM it's been reported this week that a U.K. game show called "Dog eat Dog" had to be cancelled because the contestants had gone against the spirit of the game. They spent sometime together as a group and the pointof the game was that they would then exploit the weaknesses they had discovered in the others until one won £10,000 and the others got nothing. What a capitalist concept that is! However, when they got together as a group they found they liked each other and hatched a plot to play the game in such a way that everybody got some money. They proceeded to carry this out. Not one of them exploited the fact that the agreement was a failure if one of them exploited it to get the £10,000. I know it's not much, but it's a little ray of light in a dark, dark world. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Dave the Gnome Date: 20 Sep 01 - 06:22 AM What always bucks me up is thinking about a 'fact' that I spotted in a contemporary report on pollution circa 1890. It stated, quite categoricaly, that no-one would be able to venture onto the streets of London in 50 years time due to the massive build up of horse muck! Now remeber that really was a known fact at the time. A team of qualified scientists and some of the top brains in the country proved it. Things are bad. Feel sadness for those lost but look to the future. Keep up your optimism, Bagpuss. You are right to look on the bright side. The gloomy nay-sayers are the same as those Victorian emminent scientists and cannot see part the end of their own nose! :-) Dave the happy little Gnome |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: SeanM Date: 20 Sep 01 - 06:11 AM Well, what keeps me going is that even if we're on the brink of stupidity, we've been on it for centuries - but keep going. Sure, this could be the 'last straw' and wipe out the entirety of civilization as we know it. But hey, it's a just cause! Just smile, surrender your rights, and know that the 'Spirit of Liberty' is the lube on your anal rape! M |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: alanabit Date: 20 Sep 01 - 06:09 AM The point is Bagpuss whether you want to see yourself as part of the problem or as part of the solution. I also fear that we are on the brink of some astonishing stupidity. However, passive acceptance only makes life easier for those whom we oppose. I can't change the whole world, but I can do something about the space around myself. I am sure the mood will pass and you will too. Alan. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Fibula Mattock Date: 20 Sep 01 - 06:04 AM urm, I don't know if this will cheer you up. Unfortunately it seems that's just how things go in this world. I supppose the best we can do is _not_ be one of the people who react badly. Individually it doesn't seem much, but if other people were to think the same way... Lots of individuals - together. I think it's about the best we can hope for. Maybe there is a point. Life is a pretty wonderful thing. We're just little moments of existence. We should try to make the most of it. |
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Subject: Can someone please cheer me up? From: Bagpuss Date: 20 Sep 01 - 05:54 AM Normally, I'm a bit of an optimist and idealist. But sometimes things really get to me and I can't see that things are ever going to change. People are always going to murder others for some grand cause or retribution. The wounded are always going to react because they know not what else to do - even though their reaction only perpetuates the spiral of violence. People are always going to exploit the weakness of others. People are always going to look the other way when horrendous crimes are committed in their own name, yet demonise others who have crimes committed in their name. It's never going to get better and it is futile to even think we can change the way the world works. What's the point? Bagpuss |