TALL TALES & other lies...

Subject: TALL TALES & other lies...
From:
Date: 24 Oct 98 - 05:12 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

---

TALL TALES---lies told on purpose are a distinctly American (no offense intended Canadians) art form. On the frontier it was a way to belittle the immensity of nature and laugh at the dangers of wilderness life. Johnny Carson used to say, "Whew, it sure is cold today" and the audience used to say, in unison, "How cold was it??" Then Johnny might say something like, "It was so cold I saw a fellow chipping his dog off a fire hydrant!"

(rim shot from the drummer)

So we in this modern world carry on the tradition. Sometimes they're long and drawn out; sometimes just one-liners(as above). Topics like the WEATHER, larger than life BIG PEOPLE & HEROICS (sometimes originally created for advertising purposes like Paul Bunyan), GEOGRAPHY (specific areas generated tales to make living in those places easier--laughing at the hard stuff was essential), FANTASTIC CREATURES AND ANIMALS- (They caught deer on cold nights by putting salt on the rails. Their tongues would freeze to the rails and hold 'em for us.), GENERAL TALL TALES (He was so old his birthday cake set off the smoke alarm. or---My uncle had a wooden leg---from the knee up. His wife died of terminal slivers. or---I see that Captain Hook died today. It was jock itch.)

Yep, some cross the line these days, and one cannot tell 'em from jokes. Exageration and cleverness seem to be the only real criterion.

This started in another thread & I figured it was time to branch off.

Have Fun,

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Oct 98 - 06:22 PM

many years ago, the annual liars club contest was won with this one..

"We had a grandfathers clock SO old, that the shadow of the pendelum swinging back & forth had worn a hole in the back of the case"

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Joe Offer
Date: 24 Oct 98 - 06:57 PM

1/5/97 BURLINGTON, Wis. (AP) - A man won the Burlington Liar's Club annual competition last week by reporting a child was so small that his missing-person photograph would be confined to a half-and-half dairy carton.

The organization was established in the 1920s by newspaper reporters fabricating humorous fables for a slow-news holiday. This year's contest attracted about 300 entries from throughout the world, it said.

Stories are judged on how logical and realistic they sound prior to the punch line, club spokesman John Soeth said.

The 1996 winner is John Bertschler, of Ohio.

"He told us about a child that was in his son's grade in school. He was so small that they figured if he was ever lost, his picture would start appearing on cartons of half-and-half," Soeth said.

A person's gotta know about stuff like this, dontchathink, Art? Actually, Art, it may be only in the Midwest that people tell lies for fun. In the rest of the country, people are dead serious about it - they do it for what they call "expediency."
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: The Shambles
Date: 24 Oct 98 - 07:35 PM

Is this open to Bill Clinton?

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Bill Clinton
Date: 24 Oct 98 - 09:27 PM

oh, it wouldn't make any difference, as I never was able to tell lies. My long devotion to the public good just sort of makes me compulsively tell the truth in all things. But, thanks for asking, Mr. Shambles

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 24 Oct 98 - 10:37 PM

Jimmy Carter is a very respected man today---and justifiably so. But during his administration I heard this---probably from a Republican:

Every time Jimmy Carter tells a lie he grows another tooth!

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: BSeed
Date: 24 Oct 98 - 10:44 PM

I don't think telling lies for fun is limited to the Midwest, Joe. When I was much younger, I used to lie like hell hoping to convince girls to join me in a little fun. --seed

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From:
Date: 25 Oct 98 - 01:11 AM

Seed, That's a wholly different form of recreational "lying".

Frank i.t.s.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: BSeed
Date: 25 Oct 98 - 03:02 AM

Right you are, Swamp-dog. As Clinton said "it depends on what you mean by 'is'"--in my post the key word needing definition was "for." Lying for the reason that lying itself is fun vs. lying for the reason that the lying will result in fun. Or maybe the word needing definition is "lying." [lying being the present participle of the verb to lie; laying being the present participle of the verb to screw. pedantically yours, --seed

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Peter T.
Date: 25 Oct 98 - 11:06 AM

A LA RECHERCHE DE BLUES PERDUES, CHAPTER VII

WELL, how I learned to play.... Well, back where I came from we had no instruments, no music, no notes. My daddy had half a C clef that he picked up from a circus carny, but he knew no more what to do with it than a nun in a pickle factory. Anyway, we were out lynching horse thieves one day, and it happened that we were lynching someone real heavy and someone real light, and I got the idea of plucking the ropes, and when I found that they gave off different sounds, apart from the moaning and groaning of course, then I was off. We had lots of horse thieves in those days, and because my daddy worked for the county, we were able after that to arrange them in sequence. They'd string 'em up pentatonic, and I'd pluck away, and the neighbours would dance. Hard times, but good times too.

One day a travelling salesman for Victrola came along the ridge, and sold my daddy a pile of records that he used as collars for his collection of rattlesnakes. He'd just stick their necks through the hole, and they'd be stuck, hissin and carryin on, but causing no harm. Now, every once't in a while one of them rattlers would work its way part of loose, and start chewing with its teeth along the edge of the record. And that's how I first heard Bessie Smith. Soon I got so as I could pivot those rattlers, and give the records a spin around, and with their mouths open as a natural resonator, you got fine sound, fine sound, as good as these CD's today. A whole world of music opened up to me -- Caruso, Blind Lemon Jefferson, Jimmie Rodgers.

But I was telling you about how I learned to play...

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Peter T.
Date: 25 Oct 98 - 11:14 AM

dang this thing. clearin' my throat, I guess, hard work speaking over the lump in my throat as I look across the blue ridges of memory back towards the cold mountains of my first sweetheart, and her hardscrabble washboard...now, where was I?

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 01:47 AM

Peter T,

Fangs a lot; we do appreciate it.

Salish Indians, on the coast of Oregon, managed, to capture BIGFOOT! They took him down south & lashed him to a redwood tree. Then they built a huge fire all around him and burnt him to a crisp. The sparks that flew like a huge lit sparkler from his burning body turned to mosquitos as they flew into the air.

And they've been biting the people ever since.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Earl
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 09:57 AM

Her teeth were so bucked she could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 10:03 AM

She was so thin that when she swallowed a watermellon seed 3 guys left town.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: harpgirl
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 04:42 PM

He was so fast he could turn off the lights and get under the covers before the room got dark

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 06:27 PM

There was this wealthy, well-respected folksinger...

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: harpgirl
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 07:43 PM

He was so cheap he would make his kids take off their glasses if they weren't lookin' at anything...

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Big Mick
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 08:24 PM

He was tougher than a cheap steak.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Barry Finn
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 09:15 PM

He had a dog so fast that as the express train bolted by & set fire to the switches the dog would piss on them as he pass them by to put them out & that was the only reason that the train beat the poor mut. Now can someone tell me about this here mans' cat. Barry

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: BSeed
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 09:24 PM

Yo' mama's so fat that she goes through a door one cheek at a time. --seed

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 10:33 PM

On the Mississippi River, it got so cold so quick one day that all of the frogs sitting on all the lilly pads got taken by surprise. They jumped but too slow. They got their heads under water qnd the river froze solid. There must've been half a million frogs legs stickin' out o' the ice! We took a lawn mower---harvested 'em----sold 'em to a French restaurant. Made a ton of cash doin' that.

Art

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Zorro
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 10:34 PM

My wife's cooking was so bad that we use to pray after we ate.To punish the children we would make them eat their dinner or they couldn't go to bed.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: McMusic
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 10:45 PM

He was so fast, it was said he was quicker than a hiccup!

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: northfolk
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 10:58 PM

Last week, up home, it got so cold, that we had to jump start the beagle to get him to chase a rabbit! It was an unseasonable cold snap that happened so quick that when the mercury in the thermometer dropped, it went down so fast it pinned a rat to the floor.... The slogan at work is that there is NO story that couldn't stand a little improvement...paraphrased, a lie is just as good as the truth if you stick to it....Well I gotta go, it's nearly deer hunting season, and we all got to cleanse our systems of every stray hint of prevarication...don't want to be confused with fishers. One last thought, this thread got me thinking of an old friend, no weight problem with her, she was thin, in fact she was so skinny, her pajamas had just one stripe.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 11:12 PM

Went down to 40 below one winter in Illinois. So cold the chainsaws wouldn't run. My dad needed to cut a tree down for firewood; he took a beaver by the scruff of the neck and stuffed an icicle up it's butt. That got the teeth to chatterin' and we used that old, cold beaver just like a chainsaw. Was better than the chainswaw, actually.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE SMOKE HOUSE ON THE KYLE (Ted Russel)
From: Moira Cameron
Date: 27 Oct 98 - 12:15 AM

This one's for you, Art. A genuine Canadian Tall Tale.

THE SMOKE HOUSE ON THE KYLE
by Ted Russel
(Recorded by David Parry, in "Wind that Tramps the World.")

Tall are the tales that fishermen tell when their summer's work is done;
Of the fish they've caught and the things they've shot and the crazy risks they've run.
But never did a fisherman tell a tale so tall by half a mile,
As Grandpa Walcott told that night in the smoke house on the Kyle.

With 'baccy smoke from fifty pipes, the atmosphere was blue.
There was many a "Have another, boy!" and "Don't mind if I do!"
'Til somebody suggested that each of us should spin
A yarn about some circumstance he'd personally been in.

Well, then tales were told of gun barrels, bent to shoot round a cliff;
Of men thawed out and brought to life that had been frozen stiff;
Of bart pots carried out by flies; of pathways chopped through fog;
Of Uncle Jim who, barefoot, kicked the knots off a twelve-inch log.

The loud applause grew louder when Uncle Mickey Shea
Told of the big potato he'd grown in Gander Bay.
Too big to come through the cellar door, it lay at rest nearby--
Until, one rainy night that fall, the pig drowned in its eye.

And sitting in the corner, his grey head slightly bowed,
Sat Grandpa Walcott--84--the oldest of the crowd.
And upon his weather-beaten face there gleamed a quiet grin
When someone said, "Hey Grandpa! 'Tis your turn to chip in!"

"Oh, leave me out boys--Oh thanks, don't mind if I do.
Well then, lads, if you'll insist, I'll tell you one that's true.
'Tis a story about jigging squid I'm going to relate,
As happened in Pidgeon Inlet in 1888.

Me, I was just a bed-lubber a-fishing with me dad,
And prospects for the summer was looking awful bad.
The Capeland school was over, and it hadn't been too bright,
And here was August, almost gone and not a squid in sight.

Day after day we searched for squid, 'til dusk, from crack of dawn.
We dug up clams, and cocks and hens 'til even these were gone
And still no squid! 'Til in despair we gave it up for good,
And took our gear ashore and went a-chopping firewood.

One day we were in the woods with all the other men--
A-wondering if we'd ever see another squid again--
And father broke his axe that day, so we were the first ones out,
And as we hit the landing, we heard the women shout:

"Hurry, boys! The squids is in!" so we jumped aboard our boat
And headed out the harbour, the only crew afloat.
Suddenly our keel began to scrunch, like skating over skids.
"Father," says I, "We've run aground!" "My boy," says he, "Them's squids!"

"The Jigger!" says he, "Heave it out!" So quick as a flash I did
And as soon as it hit the water, 'twas grappled by a squid.
I heaved it in, and what do you think, as soon as it hit the rail,
I'm blessed if there wasn't another squid, clung to the first one's tail!

And another one after that one! And so on, in a chain.
I tried to shake them loose, but father said, "You foolish thing!
You've got something never seen before in Newfoundland!
So drop the jigger; grab the string and haul hand over hand."

Well, we hauled that string of squid until our boat could hold no more.
Then we hitched her in the risings and headed back for shore.
The men were coming from the woods--They heard the women's call--
But father said, "Don't hurry boys! We've squids enough for all!"

Well, Uncle Jimmy took the string, and when he had enough,
Neighbourlike, he handed it to Skipper Levi Cuff.
And so, from stage to stage that string was passed the whole night long,
'Til morning found it on Eastern Point with Uncle Billy Strong.

Now, Uncle Billy, thoughtful-like, before he went to bed,
Took two half-hitched of that string round the grump on his stage head.
Next morning, Hartley's Harbour heard the news and up they come
In a trap skiff with three pairs of oars to tow the string back home.

When Hartley's Harbour had enough, later that afternoon,
That string went from place to place until it reached Quirpon (pronounced 'kire-poon')!
Now, just what happened after that, I don't exactly know.
But some do say it crossed the straits and ended in Fort Eau.

Yes tall are the tales that fishermen tell when their summer's work is done;
Of the fish they've caught and the things they've shot and the crazy risks they've run.
But never did a fisherman tell a tale so tall by half a mile,
As Grandpa Walcott told that night in the smoke house on the Kyle.

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 21-Jul-02.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Ritchie
Date: 27 Oct 98 - 04:30 AM

There were these 3 men and you know how men are they'll brag about anything and obviously after a while it turned into a lying contest...

The American said " Once I saw an airplane crash and by myself, alone, on my own, without anybody's help I managed to run across to the wreckage and drag everybody out one by one and save them all.

"Hey" said the Canadian "That's nothing . I did exactly the same but I had to swim up Niagra Falls to do it"

"That's right " said the Englishman " I saw him !"

love and happiness

Ritchie 'The Flash of Thunder'

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 27 Oct 98 - 11:35 AM

Moira, That's beautiful! Thanks for posting it. David was a gem. I did pick up that recording on cassette from his wife. Ian Robb published the Parry address to order from in Sing Out after David's passing, but I can't find it now.

ZORRU---Where there's smoke, there's dinner!!

My uncle had a mule and it died one day.So he skinned it. TWO DAYS later he awoke to find the mule walkin' around without it's skin. Seems uncle had been a bit premature in thinking the mule was dead. He solved the problem by tossing a few sheepskins over the sad animal---he fastened 'em with blackberry thorns. That mule is just fine now. Matter o' fact, this year we picked 20 quarts of blackberrys off her---and we sheared 30 pounds o' wool too!

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Oct 98 - 11:38 AM

well, I believe everything above...except the one about the wealthy and respected folksinger..(I think Dick Greenhaus is ahead)

Now I am going to turn off this computer and go get some work done and not peek at Mudcat again 'till I'm all caught up with my chores.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 27 Oct 98 - 11:50 AM

bird called the pinnacle grouse. Only has 1 leg & 1 wing. Holds on to a dead tree & flies in circles 'til it builds up enough speed to fling itself over to the next dead tree.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Bill in Alabama
Date: 27 Oct 98 - 11:54 AM

Not unlike the Hoopo Bird of southeast Tennessee, which flies in ever-diminishing circles until it disappears into its own fundament.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: alison
Date: 27 Oct 98 - 05:27 PM

Hi all,

Can we include chat up lines here?

You know the "Mine's this big." and "I can last all night" sort of thing. *grin*

Slainte

alison

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: northfolk
Date: 27 Oct 98 - 09:39 PM

Lord god, laddie, I was up on the mighty AuSable, when I heard the thrashing and crashing of another creature rapidly approaching through the dense underbrush. I concealed myself the best I could and watched as the mighty stag of the forests big brother, emerged from the thicket and walked to the waters edge, to sip from the crystal stream. Oh it was a sight so scenic, a small dock, a secluded beach, a mighty river, a huge deer... and just as the animal bowed to drink, a twig or some other debris fell from his antlers, into the stream just as his reflection emerged. With a start he bolted, and as he did he hooked the line from a rowboat in his antlers, and charged off into the forest, dragging a twelve foot aluminum boat behind. This was just too good to be true, so I set up a blind and hunted that very spot for the next few days. On the fourth day a louder noise than the previous event brought me to attention and I quietly waited to see the cause...within minutes, the same mighty buck came into the clearing, and would you believe...pulling the same boat, with a beautiful and contended looking doe sitting right inside it.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Moira Cameron
Date: 27 Oct 98 - 10:26 PM

For Art, and anyone else who's interested: I think you can order David Parry albums from Borealis Recording Group in Toronto. There e-mail address is: [e-mail]

Do you know, some of these stories sound an awful lot like the verses to Martin said to his Man--I say a maid milk a bull, and with every pull a bucket full.

Who's the fool now???

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From:
Date: 28 Oct 98 - 12:32 AM

Nonsense. We have plenty of liars and tall tale tellers in Canada. Our politics are rich with them. But our liars generally lie about mundane things like not raising taxes or what they are going to do with the budget surplus, rather than about sex. Canadian politicians haven't engaged in sex since one of them got into trouble in Germany in the early 1960's, so if they lied about sex they would lie by saying they actually had some recently.

BTW, Art, I was at The Ark in Ann Arbor, MI last Sunday seeing Archie Fisher. Excellent concert but due to some peculiar city or state law it seemed that everyone present could buy a beer except me. I must have looked too Canadian. Anyway, I happened to look at the row of Ann Arbor Folk Festival posters on the wall and see that you were the MC one year.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: northfolk
Date: 28 Oct 98 - 02:38 PM

FYI-Tim, The Ark operates under a Private club license to sell beer and wine, which allows members to purchase, not non-members, a problem quickly alleviated by paying for a membership, $15.00 single, or going with a member...as for politicians, you can tell when a US pol is lying, his lips will be moving. I have been lucky enough to have attended all but the first two Ark folk festivals, including the early ones that were all day events. Art was the MC at one, and regaled the audience with tales far superior than what we are swapping here...I recollect Art telling of a Beagle he owned that was such a good dog, that when it got on the scent of two rabbits at the same time, it split in two, and ran down both of them!!!

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 28 Oct 98 - 02:48 PM

Tim,

Yep, that's true. Got to spiel & sing in-between all the performers. Arlo, Doc, John McC., many others. 'Twas fun.I saw Dave & Linda Siglin in Memphis this last Febr. for the Folk Alliance bash. Joe Hickerson & Michael Cooney ane yours truly used to do a night o' song swapping at the Ark every so often...REAL FOND MEMORIES!!!Thanks for reminding me, for sure.

I went to see Archie once with the Clancy Bros.---he only got to do ONE SONG. Many had gone just to hear HIM! was sad. He is a grand artist....Art

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: harpgirl
Date: 28 Oct 98 - 07:08 PM

Art,
Did you see any pictures of Anya's tyke? I used to babysit her when she was a wee one....are the Siglin's still playing softball on Sundays? harp

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 31 Oct 98 - 10:22 AM

I put up the "Split Dog" tale yesterday but it got lost in posting/transmission somehow.

Max, is there a chance it's somewhere on your side? Very sad! Leaves one feeling like Miles O'Brien on STAR TREK whenever he'd kill someone while transporting them somewhere!

Art

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 31 Oct 98 - 11:56 AM

northfolk--Here's that dog story! But now you'll know---THE REST OF THE STORY!!

I had a farm in Africa!---er, no, that's wrong. Gonna start over.

I had a hunting dog that was such a good hunting dog that we had to close one side of his nose with a clothespin with a little set-screw on it to accomplish that. One day we forgot to put the clothespin on the dog and, wouldn't ya know, that was the very day there were 2 rabbits hangin' out in the old hollow tree! One side of the dogs nose was smellin' one rabbit and the other nostril was smelling the other rabbit. He got the strangest look on his face and all of a suddon, POW---he split himself in two. Half of the pup went after one rabbit and the other half went after the other rabbit! Later, 1/2 came trotting back and licked my left shoe. The other 1/2 came back & licked my right shoe. Well, I grabbed to 2 halves o' my favorite hunting dog and stuck him together--tied him up quick in my shirt 'cauuse I had no bandages with me at the time. I ran home with him and put him in front of the television to keep him entertained. I tuned in ORAL ROBERTS--the healing evangelest. Figured if that didn't heal him up, nothing would! (Once I had an Oral Roberts record, but the hole in the center kept healing shut! We never did get to hear it.)

I fed him every day. Gave him water too. At one point he stuck his head out and ate a hundred dollar bill I'd left on the chair there; really ticked me off.

He sat there healing for 3 years. I know it was 3 years 'cause the Chicago Bulls won their first 3 championships during the time he sat there, and he loved to watch Michael & Scotty, but not Dennis until the day Dennis had a blue dog sculpted into his hair. (Said it was "Old Blue")

Blue got to squiming around so bad that I finally figured it was time to untie my shirt and see how he was doing. V-E-R-R-Y C-A-R-E-F-U-L-L-Y I untied the shirt, opened it up, and let it fall. The dog just LEAPED out o' there---ran around the room so fast he was just a blur. He was up on the walls he was runnin' so fast! When he finally did slow down, and I got a chance to take a real look, I was NOT prepared for what I saw!

Apparently, I'd been in such a hurry to put the 2 halves of him together, that I put him together WRONG!! Oh, he'd healed up fine, but he had healed with 2 legs sticking straight up in the air. The other 2 legs pointed down! He was the strangest looking pup I'd ever seen in my entire life. But he never had to quit chasing them rabbits! He'd run after 'em with 2 legs, and when he got tired, he'd flip over and run on the other 2 legs. That way he could rest one set o' legs while he was running on the other pair. After that, we never knew if he was comin' or goin'. And my uncle used to say that this was the first dog in the history of the world that could bark at both ends!

And if I was in front of an audience of banjo players or singer/songwriters they'd generally be from New York and didn't know a tall tale from a lightbulb joke, and I'd have to stick a punch line on the end to help them know when to react. I'd already set that up by mentioning earlier that the dog had eaten a hundred dollar bill. Then I told them:
Well, I wasn't one to let a hundred dollar bill go without a fight---so I fed him 5 full bottles of mineral oil!! But he couldn't pass it; 'cause it was counterfeit!!!

Now, this tale would get told in many different ways---by me and by others---it depended on the situation. If I was singing for railroad buffs, I'd have Abe Lincoln's funeral train steaming majestically back to Illinois with the body of the slain president. Unfortunately, the train rolls over MY OLD UNCLE'S DOG---splitting him in two!
Today being Halloween, I'd tell it about Lincoln's ghost train, which still can be seen here every Halloween, cutting the dog in half (and cutting off his tail too). Then, later, after the tale is over and done, I'll mention that I KEPT THE TAIL and AFTER THE DOG DIED YEARS LATER, his GHOST cme back looking for the tail. So I took the dog's ghost to the liquor store, 'cause that's where they retail spirits!!!

When Richard Chase, the great tale teller from the Southern mountains, told the tale, he'd have his HAY KNIFE accidentally slice the dog in half. But when I told it that way to young kids, they would generally run out o' the room screaming!

What I needed was a GENTLE way to get the dog in two pieces! And then I heard another separate tale about a hunting dog that was such a good hunting dog that they had to close off one of his nostrils to keep him from chasing 2 rabbits at one time! Now I had a gentle way to split the dog in two!

This is a pretty good example of how the folk process works---the oral tradition!! Sometimes its opportunistic necessity that causes one to change a song or story to fit a given situation or audience---or geographical audience. And that audience only hears the tale told THAT WAY. Whenever they repeat it, the'll try to tell it the way they heard it. Sometimes they'll forget parts of it and "create" on the spur of the moment. That's why it's exciting for me to be involved in the treasure hunt that folk collecting can be, and generally, IS. (This was on the first LP I did for Kicking Mule in the '70s. (Outright Boldfaced Lies--live at the Old Town School of Folk Music) I told it in the middle of the song "Old Blue" so I could stop & rest my hands some. KM-150 -- now owned by Fantasy Records & long gone...

Enjoy (I hope),

Art

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Joe Offer
Date: 31 Oct 98 - 02:14 PM

I hope you didn't have to type that whole thing twice, Art.
Good, though....
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 02 Nov 98 - 11:17 AM

Joe,

Are you trying to tell me that the story is "dung", "merde", "feces" etc. ??

Utah Phillips, of course, was sayin' that without sayin' it in his great "Moose Turd Pie" tale!! In our house, Carol and I always say, "It's good though" when we want to say to each other that something is really crap while not letting that fact on to someone we don't want to hurt.

Art

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From:
Date: 02 Nov 98 - 02:53 PM

Yeah, I thought of that too, Art, but I bet Joe has too many nice bones in his body to say that about your neat two dog tail.
As I recall, the guys on the trail all hate to cook, so they make a rule that the next one to complain about the cookin' gets to take over the job. Which works out fine, except for the cowboy who was the cook when the rule came down. So after a while on the job, with the food getting worse and worse, and no one saying anythin', he's getting pretty frustrated. And then, one day as he's cookin' up the soup, he notices all these cow chips, just lying around, not doing anything, and he has an inspiration.
Most of the crew manages to choke down the soup, but the last guy in ladles himself out a bowl and with a howl, spits out his mouthful of soup, and yells, "This soup tastes like s**t!
Everyone turns and looks at him, and he realizes what he's done, and adds, "....good, though."
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 04 Nov 98 - 04:04 PM

BARBARA, JOE---
It sure is easy for me to sound serious as all hell when I'm trying to be funny in this brave new cyberworld. I guess I should've drawn a HUGE SMILE THING.

FOR CERTAIN, I WAS TRYIN' to be funny!!!!

Love to all,

Art

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: rich r
Date: 04 Nov 98 - 10:01 PM

One of my my favorite tall tales related by Art concerns the travails of Jim Bridger and the huge snowfall. It's another long one and I don't have it written down. Maybe Art does (hint here) although it is not fair to press Art to enter these lengthy Tomes without Tunes. Given what happend the fissioned fido story that Art fired out and got routed temporarily to some cyber hinter land, I worry that Art might be suffering from a case of tome aim poisoning.

rich r

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: The Shambles
Date: 05 Nov 98 - 02:46 PM

Well this is all fine and dandy but I still want to know who was playing on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. (HUGE SMILE THING).

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 09 Nov 98 - 02:02 PM

Friday & Saturday & Sunday at Big John's were various bands. Sometimes Mike Bloomfield's own band, sometimes Jimmy Cotton, Then the Goldberg--Miller Band (Steve Miller & Barry Goldberg), or Siegel--Schwall Band------Paul Butterfield Band (with Bloomfield later)---Buddy Guy also & Junior Wells...etc.

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 29 Nov 98 - 12:32 AM

Someone was lookin' for this thread. Here 'tis!!!

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 03 Dec 98 - 02:01 PM

My uncle was a really tough ol' bird. He'd swallow raw eggs and then drink 3/4 of a gallon of vigorously boiling water to cook 'em!

Subject: RE: TALL TALES & other lies...
From: Art Thieme
Date: 15 Feb 01 - 10:04 PM

I could've sworn I stuck the ANNIE CHRISTMAS story in this thread---but I guess not...

Art