BS: Joke thread for 2025

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 02 Mar 25 - 09:00 AM

Reaching the 100 point reminded of the darts match

Player throws a double 20 followed by another. His third darts though bounces off the wire and hits a nun seated close by in the temple, causing her to drop dead on the spot. The announcer calls

"One nun dead and 80..."

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 04 Mar 25 - 05:42 PM

Just seen this:

What's the leading cause of dry skin?












Towels.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Mar 25 - 11:56 AM

Two philosophers on their holidays were sitting by the pool.

Sez one: "Have you read Marx?"

"Yeah," sez the other, "It's these bloody wicker chairs..."

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Mar 25 - 03:53 PM

Two psychiatrists meet on the street. One says, "you're fine how am I?"

Two psychiatrists meet on the street. One says "Hi there, how's it going?" The other thinks, "Wonder what he meant by that?"

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Mar 25 - 07:56 PM

"Honey, whats this baggie behind the empty egg carton in the fridge?".
Oh, that's from the White House that we got in the mail.
" What are we supposed to do with it?"
It said to refrigerate it before use, smell it.
"It smells like shit...uh...Honey, whats this baggie behind the empty egg carton in the fridge?".

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 06 Mar 25 - 08:17 PM

oi

Subject: RE: BS: Joke & satire thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 10 Mar 25 - 06:50 PM

I think the Gulf of America is between Elephants and Donkeys

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Mar 25 - 07:03 PM

The Golf of America may soon face DEI and restriction problems again.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 10 Mar 25 - 09:17 PM

Wouldn't this ...stuff be more at home in the Trump thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 10 Mar 25 - 09:27 PM

and what's Golf of America? Sounds like a putt putt course.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Mar 25 - 03:50 AM

Someone mentioned 'Golf' ......so here's a golf joke..          Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly towards four men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one man and he clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed to the man, and apologised. ‘'Please let me help. I'm a Physiotherapist and I know I could Relieve your pain if you'll let me’' she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' he replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands at his groin. At her persistence, however, he agreed to let her help.
She moved his hands to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She provided tender and artful massage for several long minutes. ‘'How does that feel?’’ she asked. He replied: ‘'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken’’.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Mar 25 - 04:22 AM

He's been banned from posting shite on the Trump thread gillymor.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 11 Mar 25 - 05:12 AM

Not so long ago he was also told to refrain from posting to this thread, Dave, but like a recurring fungal infection...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Mar 25 - 06:34 PM

Elon Musk is not a Nazi. Nazis made really great cars.



Ignore the slander and propaganda.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Mar 25 - 08:22 PM

Joke stolen from Stephen Fry

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 12 Mar 25 - 11:23 AM

I know it couldn't be yours, Don. It was vaguely funny

Very poor for Stephen Fry though

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Mar 25 - 11:40 AM

zero for three like America's credibility, economy, and goodwill.
To destroy America, the new Truth Reinvention Administration has had a great deal of success rewriting history, bios, data, budgets, culture, and record-keeping. Uberfeurer Stephen Miller claims it is a vast improvement compared to propaganda minister Goebbles, but everyone knows he's lying.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 12 Mar 25 - 11:54 AM

Wtf is that doing on the joke thread. A moderator told you to dump your nonsense in a mother of b.s. thread and stay off this one. Your compliance would be appreciated.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Mar 25 - 12:16 PM

Its getting harder to tell Putin apart from Elmer Fudd and Zelenskyy is the wise cracking Wabbit.

Some jokes kill so I went to my boss’s funeral service …
I knelt next to the coffin and whispered, “Who is thinking outside the box now?”

Where are mathematicians buried?
The Symmetry.

When Paddy's dog died, he took it to the local Catholic church. He asked the preacher if he could have a funeral service for his much loved pet, but the preacher explained that they didn't do services like that for animals.
Paddy asked who would and the preacher suggested that the Baptist church up the road would probably give the dog a funeral service. Paddy asked, "Preacher, do you think $5,000 would be enough for the dog's funeral?" The preacher replied, "Dearest Paddy, why didn't you tell me that your dog was a Catholic?"

Subject: Satirical Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 Mar 25 - 01:54 PM

Apparently Teslas are being recalled because they keep turning far right.

From YouTube comments.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 16 Mar 25 - 03:11 PM

It's important to note that though Musk gave the Nazi salute at the inauguration he is not a Nazi, he's a South African. There's a slight difference.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Mar 25 - 07:20 AM

Thank you Mr. Himmler, that's a knee-slapper.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 17 Mar 25 - 08:52 AM

I thought you would enjoy that, Herr Goebbels.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 Mar 25 - 10:52 AM

and Goebbels has no balls at all...

I rang the leisure centre and asked "Is that my local swimming pool?"

They said "I dunno. Depends where you are ringing from"

Subject: UK Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 18 Mar 25 - 05:04 AM

So: Musk didn't inherit the polite Canadian gene then?

And one for the older UK 'catters (which is truer than funny) - sorry US I can't see a translation that comes close - but if anyone cares to try...

"The older I dance, the richer I get.
Now I have two ape knees to rub together"

two 'apenees to rub together   <US> a half penny ~ no money </US> (looses a little in the translation?)

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Aethelric
Date: 20 Mar 25 - 04:49 AM

Guy goes into ticket office.
"I'd like a return ticket please"
"OK. Where to?"
'Here of course!"

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 Mar 25 - 03:47 PM

Me and the Mrs found out how to make love back to back



Invite another couple...

Subject: Old Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 21 Mar 25 - 07:13 PM

I Googled: ‘Missing medieval servant’……it came back: ‘Page not found’.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Mar 25 - 05:24 PM

We went to a fetish restaurant today.

I got toed in the hole

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Aethelric
Date: 23 Mar 25 - 05:17 AM

Guy goes into a butchers.
"Steak and kidley pie please"
"You mean steak and kidney"
"That's what I said diddle I"

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: gillymor
Date: 24 Mar 25 - 04:31 AM

Pessimist: This can't get any worse!
Optimist: Yes, it can.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 26 Mar 25 - 09:53 AM

I thought it was:

Masochist: Hit me, hit me ....
Sadist: *NO*!