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MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 28 Apr 24 - 09:07 PM We have a good sprinkler system and good sprinkler techs. We do NOT have good weather or control over tiny earthquakes which barely move a seismograph needle. Or rodents that live underground and gnaw on plastic sprinkler pipes and whom I shall feed a poison dinner as soon as I am able. Yes, I shall be certain that what I use is well underground and that the corpses are not when they might be eaten by the various hawks, owls, eagles, and other critters who frequent the golf course behind the house. Oddly enough, the cops take a dim view of shooting in the city limits, even with an air rifle (BB gun). I'd trap them, but releasing them out in the national forest is nearly certain death for them anyway. I've checked before and our animal control bunch doesn't deal with moles, voles, skunks, feral cats, and certain others. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 28 Apr 24 - 10:10 PM Trouble with that "poison dinner" is that the next hawk that eats one of those critters will also die of the poison. Don't you have any other options? Lead poisoning is probably preferable to the other poisons. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Donuel Date: 29 Apr 24 - 06:08 AM Good news for Putin. Journalists from Reuters, AP, and even Forbes have been arrested. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Donuel Date: 29 Apr 24 - 06:24 AM Their crime is fake news about the Russian Army. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 29 Apr 24 - 07:55 PM Stilly, I agree about lead poisoning. The cops and the city, however, frown on it. Otherwise I'd just use a .22 or an air rifle. But...I have a friend who is a legal trapper and supports his family partially by the pelts he sells and the money he makes trapping for various ranchers. He's very ethical and may have another suggestion. I'll ask him. I could be persuaded to do nothing, except that the tunnels run downhill from my lawn to the golf course and I don't want my backyard to develop a bad case of erosion. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 30 Apr 24 - 09:24 PM Today the neurosurgeon told me not to come back until I need him again. He approved the way I walk and use a stick to help with balance when needed. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB science trivia (of all BS) From: Donuel Date: 01 May 24 - 11:16 PM Tantalum, Boron and a touch of Iridium make an alloy that has solid solutions, a nonoxidizing subsurface and high conductivity that makes a good hard but flexible skin for UFOs. (EYES ONLY) Gold is only formed in the largest massive supernovas or colliding neutron stars but silver is produced in any ol' run-of-the-mill nova. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Donuel Date: 02 May 24 - 05:28 PM The firemen and police left a half hour ago. It all started by leaving the car interior lights on. I accidentally hit the switch when I opened the sunroof days ago. I have seen episodes of airplane disasters when the pilot hit the wrong switch. I didn't expect I would do the same. This morning the door opened but it would not start, dead battery. I could call AAA and get a jump but I thought if I waited when it was 90 degrees it might start this afternoon. So when I went out an hour ago the door would not even open. Aha a tow truck driver taught me how to unlock the door if disabled due to an attempted break-in or dead battery. There is a secret key slot at the rear of the car that opens the trunk and from there a hidden cable that can be pulled to open the door. It all worked so now I could unlatch the hood. I was feeling pretty smart when I sat down. Muscle memory was closing the door when my brain said don't do that. Click. I was now locked in a small 90 degree car with no horn or phone. The windows were sealed but by lying down and kicking it I could jam a pair of scissors and umbrella in the crack to get an inch of air by bending the window outward. I was winded and hot from the kicking so I took of my shirt. Eventually my neighbor was unloading her kids when she heard my yell for help. She called the fire dept and I gave my info through the small window opening. I heard the sirens when the first lady cop arrived. I explained how to find the secret cable to unlock the door while she held a window breaker. It worked and I explained to the firemen how she had opened the door and thanked them all. She wanted to know how I knew about the secret cable and I explained about the tow truck driver. I thanked the neighbor and went in the house. My wife was none the wiser wearing her noise cancelling headphones and in a meeting about ribosomic DNA. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: MaJoC the Filk Date: 05 May 24 - 05:23 AM ignisecond, n: The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!" -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets" |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Donuel Date: 05 May 24 - 06:14 PM Katagelasticism is a psychological condition in which a person excessively enjoys mocking others. Katagelasticists actively seek and establish situations in which they can laugh at others (at the expense of these people). There is a broad variety of things that katagelasticists would do—starting from harmless pranks or word plays to truly embarrassing and even harmful, mean-spirited jokes. They would be of the opinion that mocking others is part of the daily life and if others do not like being laughed at, they should just fight back. For katagelasticists, it is fun mocking others and there is almost nothing that might hinder them from doing so. For them, some people might even provoke getting mocked. This condition often makes it difficult for sufferers behave on social media. however some deserve mockery |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Donuel Date: 05 May 24 - 07:58 PM Donald Trump ordered his chief of staff to Condemn the recently arrested journalists and politicians. At the prison he gave each prisoner a Condom. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 05 May 24 - 08:25 PM Little Jack Horner Sits in a corner Extracting cube roots to infinity, An assignment for boys The will minimize noise And produce a more peaceful vicinity. Automation Is vexation, Quaternions are bad; Analysis Situs Is only detritus, I wonder: Have I been had? Little Bo-Peep Has lost her sheep, The radar has failed to find them. They'll all, face to face, Meet in parallel space, Preceding their leaders behind them. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Donuel Date: 06 May 24 - 06:13 AM 1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus)adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. 2. CARPETUATION (kar pet' u a shun)n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance. 3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs. 4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater. 5. UNDUST (un dust')n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug. 6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun)n. The act of manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side. 7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay')n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper. 8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh)n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer. 9. LATTEBLOW (la tay' blow)v. Unintentional expusion of milk through the nose during a laugh. 10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun)n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 06 May 24 - 08:51 PM And for something entirely different.... Go mbí do chaid amuigh agat. Go gcuire sé sconna siar sí ort, agus scread maidne ort. Nár fhaighir slí i geaiseal. Now go practice your Irish curses! |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Donuel Date: 06 May 24 - 10:27 PM Yiddish curses are a mouthful too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2024 From: Donuel Date: 06 May 24 - 10:32 PM A black hole is where God divides by zero The gene pool could use a little chlorine." "Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!" "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "I love cats...they taste just like chicken." "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes." "Cover me. I'm changing lanes." "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools." "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot." "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep." "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...." "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian." "Don't blame me - I'm from Uranus." "Your kid may be an honor student but YOU'RE still an IDIOT!" "It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you." "When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS." "Smile - it's the second best thing you can do with your lips." "Friends don't let friends drive Naked." "Wink, I'll do the rest!" "I took an IQ test and the results were negative." "When there's a will, I want to be in it!" "Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?" "If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?" "Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students!" "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better." "Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear." "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps." "I souport publik edekasion." "We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated." "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home." "3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't." "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?" "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?" "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock." "2 + 2 = 5 for sufficiently large values of 2." "I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles." "I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die." On Criticism... Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them... you are a mile away from them... and you have their shoes. Some Time-Honored Truths... 1. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. 4. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. 5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. 6. The older you get, the better you realize you were. 7. I doubt, therefore I might be. 8. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 9. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. 10. Women like silent men, they think they're listening. 11. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 13. A fool and his money are soon partying. 14. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays? 15. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? 16. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery. 17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 18. If God dropped acid, would he see people? 19. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? 20. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? 21. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? 22. If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons? 23. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? 24. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 07 May 24 - 12:20 AM 6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun)n. The act of manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side. The easier definition of this is when the child you nurse at home is riding in a tummy pack in the grocery store and they're trying to break through your shirt and bra to nurse while in a grocery store. (Throw a small blanket over the shoulder and head of the child and let them have access and no one in the store is the wiser.) Donuel, stick to MOAB for a while, let the joke thread alone. I love you and your whimsy but your darker side is not helping that other thread. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: MaJoC the Filk Date: 07 May 24 - 11:24 AM My fault, Stilly, for sneaking in the relevant Sniglet in response to Donuel's description of an ignisecond. I abase myself in dust and ashes. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: keberoxu Date: 12 May 24 - 09:12 AM Up to the top of the queue now. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 12 May 24 - 10:51 AM |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 12 May 24 - 08:48 PM What Stilly said, Mom. And Mom? I went out target shooting yesterday (.22 at 50 feet) and hit the 9 or 10 ring 22 times out of 23 standing. Pretty good for someone who hasn't touched a firearm for 9+ months. Then I went home. That was all I wanted to do, so see how the surgeon messing with my brain might have affected some of my fine motor function. And today I WENT OUT DRIVING!! Not alone, but I did the driving and didn't hit anybody or anything! Then I came home and did the laundry and cooked supper. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 14 May 24 - 10:13 AM Mom, in a few minutes I a-leavin' the house to jin up with the fellers down at the Elks' Lodge fer some sixty-rod coffee. Gonna buy some dough nuts on the way so's them fellers git somethin decent to eat fer a change. Usually they jist survive on bacon and beans, which make fer a certin coffee atmosfear to fear. And I'll be drivin in the morning rush hour ALONE AND ALL BY MYSELF. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: keberoxu Date: 18 May 24 - 07:22 PM top of the queue, again. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 20 May 24 - 11:44 AM I spared myself about three hours of torture yesterday by NOT driving to Dallas. The party was for a friend who spent five days at my house earlier in the week so it wasn't like we hadn't had a chance to visit already. I'll drive west from here happily, but east, nope. Just nope. (Amon Carter had a rivalry going with Dallas and always packed his lunch when he went there so he didn't even need to spend money eating out. I have more-or-less adopted that policy and just don't go there. Every single time I seem to end up following an impaired driver on a high-speed interstate highway under construction.) MOM, it's time to set up Gluon's taxi service. I bet she could have whisked me to that party in a nanosecond. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 20 May 24 - 08:16 PM Gluon can do lots and lots more than she does. You have heard that the James Watt telescope has taken a picture of two black holes "colliding?" Gluon brought them together and now they're actually getting married, not just casually "encountering" each other! |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: keberoxu Date: 23 May 24 - 07:13 PM Glad to hear that Rapparee can now drive on his own. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: keberoxu Date: 25 May 24 - 06:11 PM Up to the top of the queue. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: keberoxu Date: 31 May 24 - 11:39 AM Another boost to the top. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 31 May 24 - 10:05 PM My 90-year-old recent house guest is waiting for her new pair of glasses to arrive in the mail, so she can go renew her driver's license. Until they arrive she's only driving to the gym or the store. [slaps forehead] The new glasses aren't that different from the old, so why the hesitancy to get the license is a puzzle. Maybe they do the vision test each time now after 80? Good luck with the drive, Rap! (Have you done any driving out back beyond the house, with a golf club and some of the balls that have come across the fence?) |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 01 Jun 24 - 09:39 PM Rap, is this a friend of yours? Over at your house for a visit and decided to slip in few holes of golf before lunch? |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 02 Jun 24 - 01:54 PM Yes, that's Mitzi von Moose. She was trying to lure "Mangy" Moose (from South Of Town) into a lodging with her (a Moose Lodge but some Eagles and Elks put her daddy (Mighty Moose) wise and he put the shazaam on her plans. If you buy some milk you might see her picture on the carton if you buy Moose Milk. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 03 Jun 24 - 08:22 PM If you didn't know, being stung by a yellowjacket hurt, and hurts, and hurts. At least I don't have an allergy! |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jun 24 - 03:03 PM Now it’s supraventicular tachycardia. I’ll be contacted about an appointment with the electrocardiologist. I told Pat that it’s she who makes my heart beat fast, but she said something about getting the appointment. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 04 Jun 24 - 03:33 PM I expect Donuel back any time now. He seems to have taken a vacation from Mudcat (well, after the block was lifted a couple of weeks ago he can have come back.) When he does return, he needs to spend more time in MOAB and the family threads. Just a thought. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 05 Jun 24 - 11:50 AM Rap, your doctors all must have an up-to-date edition of the PDR; you're probably keeping them busy comparing side effects and avoiding harmful interactions. I posted a meme on FB a while back about a little pill box becoming part of the older adult's routine. I suspect you have at least one by now. Stay safe! We've had so much rain in Texas this year we've almost reached last year's total half-way through this year. 27.5" as of two days ago (it rained again last night) and last year we got 29.3". No wonder there are weird mushrooms popping up all over the place. Now where was this rain supposed to end up? We need to have Gluon give the jet stream a shove and move it over some. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 07 Jun 24 - 11:43 AM Gluon will do most anything for a Higgs Boson Biscuit. I bribed with one to move the weather south, meaning Utah, and Gluon got overexcited. Now I get to visit and electrocardiologist AND VA psychiatrist (to determine if I’m as nuts as people think, I guess). Next Monday we’re off to see Dylan — sorry, Dillon. The town In Montana, not the Bob or the Thomas. This four day trip is my practice trip for two weeks in July when my youngest nephew, the Wisconsin Rabbit Ranger, gets married in Champagne — er, Champaign (the town in Illinois, not the drink). |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 09 Jun 24 - 08:22 PM So far today we've had hail, heavy rain, and the occasional snowflake amidst the hail. The weather forecast earlier today said "No precipitation for the next 10 days. Ah, off to Montana tomorrow! Yeeha! Gonna ride that Honda! (Did anyone else note that a bull got loose at the rodeo in Sisters, Oregon and sent two people to the hospital? Or that the Teton Pass highway in Wyoming collapsed today?) |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 09 Jun 24 - 09:48 PM I did see the bit about the Tetons. I also read that and 83-year-old woman was gored in Yellowstone. You'd think with age comes wisdom, but apparently not. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: keberoxu Date: 14 Jun 24 - 02:22 PM Wonder if Rapparee is back from Montana? |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 14 Jun 24 - 09:28 PM Yes’m, I’m back. We went out and saw some new scenery. Bad traffic on I-15 due to the holiday being today, and the usual construction. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 16 Jun 24 - 09:12 PM Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I have little if anything on my schedule! And the high is supposed to be 56° F. here for a HIGH! There is a frost advisory out for tomorrow night! Geez, it's nearly JULY! |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 24 - 08:45 PM A Short Break in the Woods While it Snows I think I know who owns these woods. He lives in town. He would not like it for me to pause here To watch the snow fall. My horse knows it is odd To stop here on a whim. He would like to get home. Hey! These woods go far! There is not a soul here but me! And the light is dim, at best! I have said that I will do things. It will take me some time to get there. Good grief! I still have a long way to go. I should move on. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: keberoxu Date: 19 Jun 24 - 09:59 AM Rapparee, is your part of Idaho influenced by the current heat wave? The latter has made it to Massachusetts today. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 20 Jun 24 - 08:43 PM It was a high of 64 here today. HOWEVER! Starting Saturday we're in for 90s for at least a week. We like to send our heat to those in the East who never experience it. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 24 Jun 24 - 11:18 AM Heavens, I don’t know how much longer I can stand this heat! It’s already 75°F with a blue sky and light clouds! And people towing trailers zoom along with the safety chains dangling, causing sparks that start fires along the interstates. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: keberoxu Date: 25 Jun 24 - 05:34 PM In the Northeast we had low 80's with light clouds. No thunderstorms for a change; those thunderstorms brought high winds that brought down tree limbs and whole trees. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 26 Jun 24 - 08:29 PM Gosh whiz, we're under a THUNDERSTORM WATCH for about 2 1/2 more hours! And a high wind advisory until tomorrow evening, so I couldn't take my sailboat out on the reservoir if I had a sailboat! It's about 80 degrees F. outside! I don't know if I can take all this much longer! |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: keberoxu Date: 28 Jun 24 - 07:46 PM Rapparee, I hope you have a comfortable Fourth of July, however you wish to observe it. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 30 Jun 24 - 02:08 PM Hiding in the basement, as I usually spend the glorious 4th. |
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Subject: RE: MOAB's Daughter (of all BS) part 3 From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jul 24 - 11:22 AM 200!! |
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