OBIT: Ezra Milan - One year ago, today 10 Mar 2010

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: GUEST
Date: 11 May 09 - 06:40 PM

"Good thoughts needed, please"

You know, dear ones; there are so many here folks concerned for your well being. Please remember that as the days progress from this turning point.

maeve

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: GUEST,maeve
Date: 11 May 09 - 06:43 PM

cookies crumble, and so has mine.

maeve

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: open mike
Date: 11 May 09 - 07:04 PM

holding you all close in my thoughts...

deep breath and and sigh in the wake of this news...

wishing all the strength to cope...

we are here to help hold the weight of this...

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Beer
Date: 11 May 09 - 07:31 PM

Late arriving here. But not to late to send my thoughts and prayers.
Adrien

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Bobert
Date: 11 May 09 - 07:52 PM

Geeze Louise...

We have all prayed and/or hoped that the outcome would be different...

Our hearts go out to Exra's family and friends... You are in our thoughts and our prayers...

Bobert and P-Vine

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: frogprince
Date: 11 May 09 - 07:59 PM

You know for certain now that Ezra never meant to leave you, though from what's been said of him there was really no question of that. I'm confident that you are wise enough to weep together unashamedly. Printing words to someone you haven't met can be easy, but our hearts are truly with you here. Thank you again, Jacqui, for extending your kindness to us even as you were all facing through this.

                  Dean (and Judy) Elkins, in Michigan

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Nancy King
Date: 11 May 09 - 08:28 PM

So very sorry to hear this news. It surely is not the way anyone was hoping things would turn out. Just know that there are many kindred souls around the world who are thinking of you and wishing you the very best.

Much love to Meghan, Becca, Kendall and Jacqui --

Nancy

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: kendall
Date: 11 May 09 - 08:41 PM

I've never felt so helpless.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: gnu
Date: 11 May 09 - 08:55 PM

Kendall. I thought of PMing immediately upon the news. But, I had no words. I still don't... "helpless" seems to be just the way it is.

Thoughts and prayers to all of the family.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Emma B
Date: 11 May 09 - 08:57 PM

My condolences to the family of this young man whose act of youthful foolishness has resulted in so much heartbreak for his wife and parents.

May I also wish that good thoughts be continued for those battling with life's injustice against disease
Good Thoughts for a good friend please

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Maryrrf
Date: 11 May 09 - 08:59 PM

What a tragedy. I'm so sorry it turned out like this - the worst possible outcome. Now that there is closure, the healing can begin. Bless you all.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 May 09 - 09:03 PM

Love is never in vain. It will FEEL helpless, but it's not-- at all.

~Susan

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 May 09 - 09:03 PM

RIP

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: KT
Date: 11 May 09 - 09:06 PM

I'm so very sorry. Sending you lots of love. KT

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, pleas
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 May 09 - 09:07 PM

tears & love to you all

sandra

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, pleas
From: Azizi
Date: 11 May 09 - 09:22 PM

My condolences.

Those of us who didn't know Ezra got to know him, respect him, and care about him as a result of this thread.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, pleas
From: Janie
Date: 11 May 09 - 09:28 PM

Dearest Kendall. You are helpless to shield Meghan from the pain of loss and grief. But you can and will walk beside her, letting her know of your steadfast love, sometimes grieving with her, sometimes offering an arm or shoulder, or a distraction, and always respecting, validating, and allowing her the space of her own pain and process of grieving. You have experience at the pain and losses that are inherent in being alive, and wisdom and solace as well as unconditional love. Never under-estimate the value of these gifts that you offer.

Love to you and Jacqui, whom I know and cherish, and through that shared connection, to Meghan, Becca, Ezra's blood family, and all others who knew and love him.

Janie

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Skivee
Date: 11 May 09 - 09:38 PM

How very sad. My heart goes out to all who knew him.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, pleas
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 11 May 09 - 09:40 PM

I think closure must be better than what went before -- but so sad for all of you...

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 May 09 - 10:28 PM

The thing about closure it that it does not feel like closure when the "closing" event happens or comes to light. It's like a death, because no matter how hard you work to accept something as inevitable, there is that relentless human quality of hope that has to be murdered by the news that comes. It will only seem like closure later. Right now it's just insult added to injury, not fair, not comprehensible, not part of what the couple knew as what they were as a couple. It's a searing loss.

It's the fire you have to walk though to get to the safe place. Walk there, Meghan, and be brave now, and let your people call you to their safe harbor. It really is there. Just walk right to it, dear. ALL the best of Ezra, all the joy you shared is what will remain after the pain burns off. I'm so sorry this is before you now.

~Susan

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: ranger1
Date: 11 May 09 - 10:34 PM

Kendall, Becca and Meaghan,
Jason and I are so sorry. Youi know how to reach us if you need us.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: meself
Date: 11 May 09 - 10:51 PM

Deepest sympathy.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Dan Schatz
Date: 11 May 09 - 11:53 PM

What Janie said. All you need to do is be you, Kendall. Love Meghan and make sure she knows it. Just be with her.

Dan

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: ClaireBear
Date: 12 May 09 - 12:27 AM

Nothing to add but my sorrow, my solidarity, my strength, my support and my love to all who mourn and all who love those who mourn -- and that's everyone here.

Claire

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 03:22 AM

Love is never in vain. It will FEEL helpless, but it's not-- at all.

Very trues words, Susan.

Closure when referred to the loss of a loved one somehow doesn't fit.

Grief for me has been an ongoing process. Just when the sorrow, anger, pain are easing a bit something reminds you of the person lost and you are hit with the full force of the loss again.

But those events become fewer as time passes and you recover quicker from them. Meghan and family still have a long rough road ahead.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 May 09 - 03:43 AM

All my best to all of you................Very sad.............

Spaw

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Hawker
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:51 AM

Hand to hold still here, So very sorry to hear the news, Helpless, here, but thinking of you all and sending prayers and healing.
Much Love,
Lucy xxxx

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: fat B****rd
Date: 12 May 09 - 05:04 AM

I'm so sad for you. Please accept mu very best regards and kind thoughts.
Charles Stenger.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 12 May 09 - 05:20 AM

So Sorry,

in sympathy

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: kendall
Date: 12 May 09 - 06:27 AM

It's time such as these that make it tough to be a Deist.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: jacqui.c
Date: 12 May 09 - 07:53 AM

This poem, to me, really represents the loss of a loved one.

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

    -- W.H. Auden

I think that we all need to reach that bottom before we can rise up to the light again. Meghan will have family anf friends around her to support her through that time and she has the strength of character to come back.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 May 09 - 09:39 AM

She'll see that in your eyes and follow it to harbor. I KNOW this; Hardi and I spent yesterday giving our eyes to about 400 people, and every last one of them that knew us made beelines to us to do another little piece of the hard work: feeling their way through fire.

For those of you who do not know what I mean, it's the instinctive response to relationship when the eyes hold truth and compassion, a knowing without flinching that also sees the inherent strength of the mourner and delights in their fineness instead of offering a "poor you" pity. Yes, poor you, of course, poor you-- but not "Poor you."

Knowing that no matter how hard the blow, they're better than the worst that can be dished out.

Parents and grandparents, who have helped to build that fineness, can offer that from just the eyes, the tone of voice, the way they touch. Even while their own hearts are breaking.

~Susan

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: GUEST,Jack Sprocket
Date: 12 May 09 - 03:46 PM

Becca/ Kendall: I've been so wrapped up in my own fears that I didn't spare a thought for you. Forgive me. I'm not good at words, but at least let me give back some of the love that others have sent to us- they gave far more than I at least deserved- and may that love act as a catalyst to start the healing process. Remember that as far as we know, it's only people in the whole Universe that care, and that they care about you.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 13 May 09 - 08:08 AM

I've tried to follow this thread while on my trip, but was without internet for the past several days. What sad news to come home to.

Meghan, Kendall, Becca, and family, I am now and will continue to hold you in my heart and send love and light to you all.

It's true that love is never in vain. It is also true that love NEVER dies. Ezra's love for you will go on and on, and so will your love for Ezra.

The love of this Mudcat community will continue to flow to you as well.

Peace,

Allison

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 08:09 AM

Still here. It is grey today. I cannot bring myself to sing or play anything these last 3 days.

The sorrow weighs heavy.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: GUEST,winterbright
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:22 PM

So very, very sorry.
Love to all.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:30 PM

Becca et al, how can we best help, now?

I will never forget Ezra.

~Susan

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Becca72
Date: 13 May 09 - 04:06 PM

Susan, That's the perfect way to help. That and to keep Meghan in your thoughts. She really is a remarkable person.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Janie
Date: 13 May 09 - 04:53 PM

I think of all of you, and especially Meghan, everyday, envisioning light and comfort for the heart.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 May 09 - 06:06 PM

Becca, is it useful to keep the thread going, and in what direction do you see it going, if any?

For instance, would it be helpful to say ways in which the experience here and remembering Ezra will go out in our lives? (For me, remembering is most usually action.) Or is it just better to know that we will keep on keeping on, generally?

Thanks,

~Susan

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 May 09 - 06:55 PM

Yes, a sad chapter...I would think it'd be painful to be reminded, esp. coming to Mudcat as often as Becca, as a member, might do.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 09 - 08:23 PM

Nobody asked me and I don't purport to speak for anyone but me...

I think a new thread at some point in the future would be a wonderful tribute.

In the meantime, again, I have no words of wisdom or solace. And, I find it difficult to read the posts in this thread since the recent news. I shant open this thread again, unless it does become a tribute thread and the thread title is changed.

Again, my sincerest thoughts and prayers to all of youse.

gnightgnu

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Emma B
Date: 13 May 09 - 08:29 PM

Bereavement is a normal, task-oriented process that we will all experience, and it needs to be addressed in a nonpathologizing manner.

Some important steps in the process are -

sharing the reality of death
sharing the grieving experience
constructing meaningful rituals of remembrance

and

finding closure and moving forward with living.

It can sometimes be therapeutic, as well as healing, for those who have lost a close family member, whether a spouse or child, to write their personal thoughts as they move through their grieving process; some may want to share their writing, while others may choose to keep their work private.

and remember - some forms of 'help' can normalize grief, but for others it can overwhelm them.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 May 09 - 08:40 AM

..... I think I'll make sure there's at least a daily "refresh" so folks who have not heard the sad news have an opportunity to post a word of condolence, until it seems time to let the thread go....

~Susan

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, pleas
From: M.Ted
Date: 14 May 09 - 09:01 AM

I've been following this, and thinking about what it must be like to deal with it all. Every day
I checked the news, hoping for the best, and trying not to think of the alternatives. In the end, there is not much to say, except that I am terribly sorry that you've suffered this loss,
and to wish you strength. Remember that you're all in our thoughts and prayers.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Becca72
Date: 14 May 09 - 09:44 AM

I have no problem letting the thread drop off naturally. I don't feel the need to refresh it every day, nor do I feel the need to have it closed.
As I've said before, I have family members who are not part of the 'Cat who check in several times a day and find it comforting. We don't view it as a painful reminder. We have enough of those every day and this thread isn't one of them.

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: Ebbie
Date: 14 May 09 - 10:23 AM

"We don't view it as a painful reminder. We have enough of those every day and this thread isn't one of them."

{{{{Becca}}}}

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 May 09 - 10:32 AM

I have family members who are not part of the 'Cat who check in several times a day and find it comforting. We don't view it as a painful reminder. We have enough of those every day and this thread isn't one of them.

Becca, thanks for letting us know this thread has met what I am sure is the goal for many of us, if not all.

The thread has proved a comfort to others who may not have posted too much, as well, who have had their own losses recently and in the past.


I will never forget Ezra: that any one human being on this planet could evoke so much care and so many, varied expressions of that caring is a sign of our connectedness that will always, to me, be linked in my mind as "Ezra." I give thanks for that, and for Ezra.

~Susan

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, please
From: GUEST,flyingcat (moira)
Date: 14 May 09 - 12:18 PM

I too have been out of range of the forum for about 10 days. I am so sorry to hear the news and my thoughts and prayers are with you all. xx

Subject: RE: OBIT: Ezra Milan - Good thoughts needed, pleas
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 May 09 - 12:31 PM

Selfish as this may sound (please forgive me Meghan, Becca, Kendall, JacquiC, et al) This thread helped me to think more about Andie and rekindled my desire to share her. I should dedicate her Birthday Memorial thread to Ezra.

It was the descriptions of Meghan and Ezra actually, of which I would like to see more. Remembrances of actual events, personality bites, etc. bring Ezra as an individual and Meghan and Ezra as a couple to the fore.

That kind of information, stories, and such will live forever (well as long as mudcat lasts) here. An archive of this loved one that can never be lost.