LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 08:26 AM

Happy Tuesday all. I am a work and can't access the pictures. Tonight.

Might not be a bad idea to keep a dream diary, Michelle. Write it down as soon as you wake up. There are details that fade within minutes. After a few weeks you'll see patterns and motifs reappearing. It may give you some insight into what your mind is trying to process while you sleep.
Some of your fears are obvious; others may be much subtler. The diary gives you a bit of control over the process.

So good to see you happy!
Enjoy!
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 08:57 AM

You are a beautiful lady, in every sense of the world. Bless you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:01 AM

LF, these scary dreams are normal, tho of course upsetting, but the one about everyone you love being sick... it came to me this AM to ask if it might be helpful to you (at some point) to write something.

I'm thinking how you and Bonnie have lost so many dear ones to cancer. [wincing, speaking softly] In our community, as you know, we all stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us. Sweetie, those dear ones were your role models... how they lived, how they battled, how they grew in grace.... how beautiful they were...

Might it help you, now, to write them "thank you notes" praising what you learned from each of them? Privately, or here.... a tribute from which others might also learn in the future. Yeah, I know, thoughts like that were probably part of your Relay for Life times.... but it looks a little different, now?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:39 AM

What did I learn from others who went before me?

My first thought is that I learned to not hesitate in my treatment. My sweetest great, great aunt had signs, really obvious signs that something was wrong and yet she opted to not go to the Dr. As a result, she died.

I learned from a woman named Grace who I used to deliver Meals on Wheels to that it really is up to each person to decide if they want to seek medical treatment. Although I disagreed with her, she had watched her husband suffer through medical tortures for 8 years in search of a way to help him live longer. She did not want to put herself through that and decided to just live each day as it came on her own terms. I developed an intense respect for her.....not so much of an understanding in agreement kind of way, but an understanding that maybe some people CHOOSE NOT to get treatment for their own reasons based on something other than fear.

Al. A man who lived life in a BIG way. He worked hard and played harder. When he found out he had cancer, he made a visit to Father Cootiesniffer and set whatever things right that he had in mind. I know he suffered greatly in his final days. I don't know what I learned from his being sick other than losing someone you love that much hurts for years and his picture still remains beside my mother's bed.

Jackie. Never knew she was sick until she was almost gone. She chose to keep things to herself and that's ok too. We all have to deal with this the best we know how...for her, it was keeping things tucked away.

Bette. Bette never gave up. She went through countless treatments, sought out second and third opinions, she spent months recooperating from certain procedures and she kept going. She went to auctions, she made the annual trip to the lake with her gal pals, she kept teaching and coaching, she had her portrait taken in her favorite colors, she went out without her hat when she was bald....her spirit was always UP. I found myself sometimes thinking that I couldn't imagine she was sick.....she sparkled and laughed. And then one day, she just couldn't do it anymore and she was gone. Her body gave out long before her spirit did.

I met someone yesterday at Matt Baker's office while I was getting my handicapped sticker (yep...temporary for the days when my bones hurt)...she helped me fill out the paperwork (can't write much at a time for now as my fingers all tingle and are kinda numbish) and when I went to leave, she gave me a card to keep in my wallet that lists all the things that cancer can't do.

I spent over an hour on the phone yesterday with a woman who will be speaking on Wednesday night at American Cancer Support Group Meeting (at SSMH if you want to go). She and I actually connected through a friend of a friend when I first started down this road. She is a teacher of nurses...she knows the technical nitty gritty stuff and she often scared me with information, although it really was stuff I needed to know. Now, she answers my questions that I have after being entrenched in this stuff. Are my bones becoming brittle due to this treatment that hurts me so much? Can I take XYZ vitamins? How do I stop this? What do you think of that? She is a source of information, love, prayer, encouragement and firm believer in passing it forward. She is a survivor of ovarian cancer, staged higher than mine...10 years now and going strong. She is an inspiration to me and I am thankful for her.

Tracy. A new friend with a Stage 4 diagnosis who does everything with grand style and a blunt attitude that lays it all on the line, telling it like it is and making the daily choice to get in as much fun as she can.

There are more people, for sure.....Kristy, the mother of 4 with Stage 4 cancer and her husband who sits calmly beside her in chemo....both of them calm, full of love and openness to talk to a newbie who is so scared she can't breathe.

I could go on and on....all these people with so much to offer and have been given a crap hand to deal with...they inspire me and help me to find the calm within myself when I'm just about absolutely sure there isn't any calm left anymore.

If I've learned anything at all so far, it's that the things you THINK are important, ususally aren't with the exception of your faith and love of those around you. All that petty stuff? All those deadlines? All those bills that are due? Snide comments from people in a huff? All the inconviences? They are nothing.

The hand to hold during a painful procedure? A card in the mail? A long hug and a box of Kleenes? Someone saying a prayer for you? Laughing until you cry? Someone who calls every day to check on you? Someone who doesn't get frustrated when you cry? Someone who rejoices in a good blood test result? Someone who drives you to your appointment even though you are sobbing like a baby and screaming that you don't want to go without telling me to shut up? Someone who makes sure you have something to eat when you can't manage to get enough oomph to get yourself to the kitchen, let alone cook something? Someone who will go out of their way to pick up some groceries for you or a prescription? Someone who remembers to ask the Dr. questions that you wanted to ask but forgot? And someone who will let you fall completely into their arms when the world is so painful and scary and offer you nothing but love and reassurance?

THAT IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:57 AM

Yes it is.
I remember speaking with Rick Fielding at the Getaway about a phone call years earlier. I wanted to be sure he understood what was going on in my life when he called. He smiled and said very simply and gently "Mary, that doesn't matter."

So a benefit of cancer is figuring out what matters. That works.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 11:00 AM

As for it looking a little different now...of course it does. I'm the one in the big chair. I'm the one covered in bruises, the one who can't sleep peacefully, the one who has to leave some places because the smell makes me sick, the one who craves pie, asks for it, Pete makes it and then I can't eat it, the one who loves to bend her body into pretzels and can't do it anymore...at least for now, the one who has to look at the port needle so I'm sure no medical professional ever puts in a different kind of needle (port needles are thick, bent and a little over an inch long...scary looking things), the one who has to now ask for rides and help, the one who had to think just this morning if she had enough energy to ride to Wegmans and go to lunch, the one who has to schedule time with friends according to when her immune system is up and even then it's a crap shot to if I'm feeling well. I could go on and it's not a pity party...it's just the fact of my life at this moment.

Now I'm the one who has to decide if I'm well enough and will be well enough to bring a baby into this house. Will I be able to care for a baby properly for a long time to come? Would Pete be ok raising a baby on his own if need be? I'm the one who has to remember now that the cancer is gone. It is OUT OF MY BODY. Chemo, harsh though it may be, is a preventative in my situation. I am going through this to wipe out any remote possibility of any lingering microscopic cells in my body. I know it's working too as my hair has all but fallen out completely....it's killing the fast growing hair cells and it's killing any other fast growing cells too...INCLUDING CANCER CELLS.

Sometimes I take photos of where I am in my treatment from right where I'm sitting....in a hospital bed, in the chemo chair, in the car....but just a photo of what I can see from where I sit....this is my life kind of photo.

One of the largest differences being in the cancer seat instead of a friend/family/caregiver seat is that I have to make the decision every day to get up and live my life, focus on what is good, to enjoy my day and not take it for granted. I am thankful for every second that I am feeling well, all the laughter I can find and all the love in my life.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 11:18 AM

Michelle. There you are!

THANK YOU.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 09:39 PM

It's been a good day!!!

I feel good!

Two wigs that I like!

A day out with my mom!!

YOGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 12:49 AM

How is it possible to be so exhausted and not able to sleep?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 03:13 AM

Michelle, I was in hospital last year for sleep tests & was too exhausted to sleep!

I nod & doze a lot (which is why I stopped driving 30 years ago not long after I got my licence!) & my Dr thought I might have epilepsy so sent me to a specialist who tested & scanned & decided I didn't quite fit the symptoms so sent me to the Epilepsy Neurology (sp?) Dept at a nearby hospital for overnight tests so they could see what my brain waves were doing when I nodded or dozed.

Due to lack of staff I wasn't covered with electrodes when I arrived, so eventually I slept (& I use that word loosely) untethered in the worse & narrowest bed in the world, with the worse pillows in the world.

The staff who were going to tether me as soon as they arrived at 7.30am finally arrived mid morning & stuck electrodes all over my head, in hair almost long enough to sit on! & I spent the rest of the day desperately tired but unable to nod off or even sleep.

They wanted to keep me in another night when I was only booked in for 2 days & 1 night, & would remove the electrodes immediately at 7.30 when staff arrived.

I had plans for the following day & did not expect the staff to arrive at 7.30am as they were short staffed, & besides I needed to sleep in a proper bed with proper comfy pillows ...

So I went home.

and slept.

sleep tight, Michelle

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 03:42 AM

Micelle

You need "em dolphins"... read my pm and you will understand what I mean. They are very relaxing.

Get Pete to lightly caress your back and neck. Tickling light.

You will see what I mean.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 09:54 AM

This poem was written by Mary Oliver, one of my favorite poets. I think it's fitting for the luscious spring day!

Spring

Somewhere
a black bear
has just risen from sleep
and is staring

down the mountain.
All night
in the brisk and shallow restlessness
of early spring

I think of her,
her four black fists
flicking the gravel,
her tongue

like a red fire
touching the grass,
the cold water.
There is only one question:

how to love this world.
I think of her
rising
like a black and leafy ledge

to sharpen her claws against
the silence
of the trees.
Whatever else

my life is
with its poems
and its music
and its cities,

it is also this dazzling darkness
coming
down the mountain,
breathing and tasting;

all day I think of her –
her white teeth,
her wordlessness,
her perfect love.


~ Mary Oliver ~


(House of Light)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 10:14 PM

Did ya sleep today, darlin'? Sounds as though you might have overdone it just a bit, yesterday.:-) It is wonderful to see you so *up* though!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 10:45 PM

No sleep last night. No sleep today except for a 30 minute snooze on Mom's couch. It's getting to be that time of day and I've made sure that I'm in comfy jammies, that the room is cool and I took an Ambien about an hour ago. I decided I'd give it 2 more tries and if it doesn't work, then I'll ask for something else.

I'm so tired that my body is just heavy.

Went to a cancer support meeting today.....a woman spoke about surviving ovarian cancer....had to choke back some tears....had to leave the room once (got sick) but overall, I'm glad I went. I got to meet people who I only ever talk to on the phone, I cut loose and went bald...talked to lots of people, learned new things and had a good time!

I wish they met more than the once a month...what an incredible group of people.

Ok...I'm off to bed.

Much love to you all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 05:09 AM

love & best wishes for some soothing sleep

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 08:02 AM

Love and lullabyes, my dear!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 08:12 AM

Sleep, Michelle. You have earned it.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 11:42 AM

corrected post

===

JUST for LF--

As an FYI, to consider--

There are times when you can just trust that you will sleep when you really need to. (Some of that sleep happens when we think we are awake-- dreaming that we are up. You oughtta see us-- Fr CS will swear he's been up all night when I'VE been "up all night reading" and hearing him snore.)

As long as you do not have to drive, tend a small baby, be in court, work, or dispose of a dead body, it's actually OK not to sleep. A week of that punctuated by a night of sleep-aids is actually "enough" as long as we are not required by circumstance to be at our best.

It will feel like crap, but it IS part of the rhythm. You can just practice relaxing during the duh-time, or put your attention on something engaging and positive. My own experience has been that when I do that (Folk College WAS that), I am as well-rested as if I had slept deeply.

It counts as HEALING rest.

I am sure this post all FEELS like bullshit-- I KNOW it will to 99% of you-- but I know lots of folks living it. Me included.

~Susan
cc: Fr CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 10:08 PM

Mission sleep accomplished. Today was a good day, still some lingering leg pain but better. I went to lunch with some church friends, visited another friend, ran into another local friend who is going through chemo...we compared port experiences and side effects...strange thing to do I suppose but it feels good to be able to share that with someone who is there. She had a rough time with her port too. I've decided that they must place the port according to what chemo treatment you get. Her tubing goes close to her heart, my goes in my neck. Let's see...then I did some grocery shopping...used a sled to haul the bags of stuff down the hill to the house. We don't have snow but it slides equally well on all the mud!!!!

Tomorrow we go to get Veronica at a bus station about 2 hours away...I can't wait to see her and from her emails to me, I think she's feeling the same way!!!! I can't wait to wrap my arms around her!!!! Anyway, she's good for my spirits!!!!

About the sleep stuff....I get that rest, even while awake, can be healing but my body was feeling so heavy and cranky and tired....just bone weary tired...I desperately needed that night of sleep. It was SO good to wake up and feel refreshed.....to just lay in bed and listen to the birds and feel my body go ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Good night all!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continue
From: Rowan
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 11:25 PM

Good night all!!!
And may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.


Well, Mudcat is a music forum.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 12:54 PM

sorry, corrected post

===

LF, as you have probably gathered from knowing me for a number of years, sometimes what I pass along is not meant as "I say do this now," but is conveyed as info only--for possible use later and always guided by your own best thinking.

In that vein, a comment in a recent post of yours has had me thinking (reflecting, praying, cogitating). And it was a comment about going forward with a child. My vote is to go for it. One huge reason is that the chemo thing-- this whole struggle-- is in so many ways the perfect preparation for raising a small one. It's the stuff no book larnin' or professional experience (which I know you have in abundance) can teach you.

Most of us parental beings learn that stuff with our first child, and then relax for the second, etc. You will have a leg up on that, because that first year's learning for most new parents is about enjoying time, strategizing HOW to meet all the REAL needs, and not sweating the small stuff.

The cancer role models you listed so eloquently (were your teeth gritted?), and the learnings you listed, add up not only to a CA survivor-- but to a fine parent so many first-time parents must yet learn to be.


So please, on behalf of a world full of f*cked-up kids raised by well-meaning amateurs, share all that and pass it along to some kids, in some way-- if possible, in the home and life you have been building for them.


Oh, and Pete? On his own? What makes you think he'd be left on his own? :~)

~Susan

CC You Know Who (YKW)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 01:09 PM

Morning check in Michelle.
Today will be a great day for you. You will have your "baby" back. Enjoy every minute together.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: gnu
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 02:21 PM

Nice to hear the update upbeat!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 06:42 PM

Michelle, the most important work you have to do is take care of yourself. I know you know that, but it never hurts to be reminded. We women have a tendency, imo, of putting ourselves last and then getting into trouble, even if it is well-meant. It is important that you feel free to disregard any of our suggestions and not feel overwhelmed by them. And, feel free to tell us to back off if it comes to that.*bg*

It is really neat you are going to see Veronica esp. when you are having such good days. TWO wigs you like? Whoo-hoo!

More good sleep to you and a fun-filled weekend.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 07:55 PM

Veronica is sitting across the living room from me typing away on her laptop!!!! We picked her up at the bus station this afternoon and on the 2 hour ride home, we chatted non-stop. We stopped for a nice dinner, got home, introduced the dogs to Veronica and are now happily relaxing...some chit chat but also just sitting, enjoying each other a a moment to breathe.

I have to tell you...I am exhausted but I don't care. I am about the happiest woman in the world to have my Veronica sitting in the same room with me. She is absolutely beautiful in every way imaginable.

I never thought this day would come.

:) :) :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 08:01 PM

I remember those days, Mi

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 08:03 PM

Where did the rest of my post go???

I am laughing and crying for both of you. Enjoy every minute together.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 01:17 AM

Good luck with all of that, Michelle! Your port and your cup runneth over! ;-D

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 08:00 AM

Been in Cognito for a few busy days but I'm so happy to see you and Veronica so happy! Tell us more when you're ready!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 08:13 AM

The house is quiet. My husband is outside with the dogs doing his chores and Veronica is somewhere in dreamland. It's an incredible feeling just to know she's in the house, safe and happy. :)

I learned a lot about the boyfriend yesterday and as it turns out, she's picked a quiet boy....much like my husband. She has plans for the future that are reasonable and within reach for her and I am so very proud of the young woman that she has become!!!! She is absolutely beautiful inside and out!!!!!

For the first time in what feels like forever, I woke up thinking about something besides the cancer. My first thought was that Veronica is here, in our home and I stayed in bed just a little longer smiling to myself in the sunshine.

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 12:28 PM

So you slept well too. Veronica is the best thing that could happen to you right now. It is wonderful that she has found her way. At seventeen she has her whole exciting life ahead of her. So do you.
Love to you. Pete and Veronica.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 09:56 PM

We've had a WONDERFUL day!!!!!

My mom and I took Veronica shopping for baby clothes and for a few outfits for her too. She's been craving pizza so we took her (and Pete too) to an all you can eat pizza buffet....15 different kinds of pizza, salad, pasta....whatever she wanted!!! We talked and talked...lots of laughter....a really nice afternoon!!! Later Veronica and I went to church...about a 40 minute drive....and we had some really good conversations...on the way home, it was one of those conversations where we could have driven long into the night. We stopped in the middle of our country road, put the car in park, turned off all the lights and sat admiring the stars and talking.

I got sick twice today but was determined to not let it ruin our visit.

It's been a day I will remember for a very long time.

Michelle :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 08:31 AM

How wonderful! Thanks for telling us about it.
Now you can savor it forever.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 09:06 AM

simple pleasures

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 09:21 AM

Simple pleasures is right!!!!

Veronica loves to bake cakes so today we will be baking cakes and preparing for a family BBQ....ribs, coleslaw, homemade baked beans, potato salad and cake! I can't wait to spend some time in the kitchen with her....it will be fun!

I have to say, she's still sleeping at this moment (we went to bed really late) but just knowing she is here brings a feeling of such contentment.....like everything in the world is right and as it should be.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 10:51 AM

Baby clothes shopping?
LOL
I have visions of simultaneous nausea - morning sickness and chemo blahs.
Boy or a girl? Or is it too soon to know? Auntie Jacqui will need some notice for a baby shawl. Auntie SINS will need some notice for an appropriate item of Maine hideobilia...maybe not.
A baby! I am so pleased for you, Michelle. Something good is happening amid all your difficulties.
I love babies. Spoil them, feed them candy and when they are all sticky and cranky give them back to Mom.
I see a lot of spoiling in Baby's future.
Congratulations, Granny.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 11:02 AM

Yes!!!! Baby clothes shopping!!! We had SO much fun and more importantly, SHE had fun!!!! My mom was along too so it was a total girls day out!!!!

Veronica is having a boy...she brought ultra sound pictures along and right now, he looks like a little rotisserie chicken! So far, she and the daddy haven't decided on a name other than he doesn't want a "Jr."
She is JUST beginning to show....this little tiny tummy....so sweet!!! And she says she isn't feeling any kicking yet as it's still pretty early but that sometimes she feels some fluttering like a little butterfly is in there. He's due to arrive September 4th!!!!!

YAY!!!!!

She is all excited this morning as Pete is going to take her out and show her how to drive up and down these back roads....making memories!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 12:25 PM

Grandbabies are a REAL motivation to soldier through and get lots better, which you've been doing anyway, but NOW, oh wow, are you in for some future fun! Congratulations!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: jacqui.c
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 02:45 PM

Congratulations to you and to Veronica, Michelle. My son was born on September 5th, my grandson, his nephew, on September 3rd. That's a good time for babies to be born!

As one who had her first baby at 17 I can say that there are definite advantages to 'growing up' with your children. Veronica will, obviously have lots of love and support to help her and, with your example, will no doubt prove to be a wonderful mother.

Look forward to holding the new grandbaby for the first time - that it an amazing experience!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 08:24 PM

I wish I had more time to let this sit in memory for savoring and fine-tuning, but I don't, so....

I just have to say how really lovely Veronica is-- I'll warrant it's not just LF's rosy view. She was a gorgeous child, and all that has remained... but with the added richness of a maturing woman. The pix do not do her justice-- she has to be seen in motion. This physical beauty, however, is NOTHING compared to the breadth and sunniness of her smile beaming back at Michelle.

V has been thru so much. She has retained, like a diaphanous garment of beautifully impermeable chain-mail, all the goodness that she has ever received. And you can see in her face that she knows that a big piece of that-- it may be the biggest/prolly is-- is connected to this place, these people, and this woman (and I am sure, Pete).


Hardi and I see so many, here. grow up. Most of them grow up fine-- it's am amazing community most of you will never fathom because you would have to spend a fair amount of time here to catch it. But the thing is, they don't quite often come out like Miss Vee.

She will have challenges, and she will have pain. Life is like that. But the spirit with which she will meet it-- well, we hope to see her again, and often.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 09:53 PM

Susan,

    That was beautiful. Thank you!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 10:53 PM

:~) Perhaps V might appreciate knowing what kinds of things are going thru my mind when I "stare" at people. (I "stared" at a young man last week and THAT all became a useful and detailed letter of reference.)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 01:58 AM

Sounds like a couple of great days. And a lot to look forward to!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 08:47 AM

Good morning, Lily. We had a glorious weekend in Maine. rain or shine, I know yours was just as glorious.
Happy Monday!
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 03:24 PM

I am about the happiest woman in the world to have my Veronica sitting in the same room with me. She is absolutely beautiful in every way imaginable.

So very happy with you and for you, Michelle. And a bit envious too.

Baby on the way... What grand news. Even more fun stuff to look forward too. And so brilliant that you woke without the first thought of the day being one to do with cancer. I have been waiting for that.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 07:05 PM

Susan, your message was passed on before your post!! :)

Miss Veronica is now back in NYC, having left our company around noon. I am so grateful to have had this past weekend with her!!!! It was sad to see her off but we already have plans for another visit in June!!!!

At the breakfast table this morning we talked about what the baby will call us (she posted stuff about us on Facebook as the 2nd grandparents) and I'm going to be a Nana!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

Everything about this weekend was wonderful and some memories were made....ones that I have blogged about almost incessantly as I don't want to forget even a minute of it. I'm finding that with the chemo, my short term memory is affected....so yep...lots of blogging.

And yes, I miss her already!!!!!! *soft smile*

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 08:38 PM

my memory has always been bad so I write lots of notes - I really must do something about them, lots will be out of date!

I recently bought a small tray so the notes on my computer desk could stay tidy, but full sized sheets of paper overwhelmed the little tray. Dunno whether to lift them to see what lurks below.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 08:44 PM

Nana Sullivan was the matriarch of our family until her death. She brought her family (13/8 lived) thru the influenza epidemic and the Depression with a will of iron.
Nana is a wonderful title. Wear it with grace.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 10:42 AM

when my grandson was on the way my daughter asked me what I wanted the baby to call me. My reply was to call me by my name, Jacqui, but that was immediately put down by Mum to be! in the end I settled for Nanny, a title of which I am extremely proud.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 10:56 AM

My grandson, Morgan, gave us no choice. He started calling me "Mama" as soon as he was able. He knew "Mom" was my daughter, but she was never "Mama." We tried "GrammaKat" which is what my boyz back East call me and we tried "Gramma, but he always changed it to "Mama."

It's going to be so much fun for you, Michelle!