LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 May 10 - 11:51 PM

Michelle, you will be a force to be reckoned with once you're through all of this. And a huge help to others going through it, if they read these posts at a time when they really need information.

I've had someone contact me who never read Mudcat before, but found a particular post in a thread because she was searching for any information, personal accounts in particular, of the condition that he son has. I described my son's treatment, and it was a huge help to her to contact me and exchange information, but she couldn't do that until she read what had been written at Mudcat. We may right now have followers who lurk but never say a word (but you're welcome to, just use a guest name and be consistent when you visit). They're gaining strength from your experiences. And weeping about going into something painful isn't backsliding, it's understanding that you must do this and move forward, but you don't like it, so you complain some. At least you're doing exactly what you need to do to get over this cancer. That is the important message.

Good luck kiddo, and we'll be looking for your posts when you feel up to writing.

Maggie

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 06:56 AM

6:43am. I am up, showered, clothes laid out, meds laid out, bed made, my stuff in the room is packed up....all that is left is to actually get dressed, have some breakfast, take more meds (oh my word, why is it that steroids have to be SO DAMN bitter? Gag, gag, sputter, ick, gag some more). MUST PUT LIDACAIN ON BEFORE 7:30!!!

I have a friend traveling with us this time. She's a doll baby with a heart of gold. However....she likes to be chatty and loud in the morning and right now, while I need to focus inside and gather my strength together, it's a bit much. She is trying to help and I love her for that but what I need is just a few minutes of quiet and rally Team Lily, you know? Can't be upset with her...she's trying to help.

So...if anyone reads this before 9:00am, here's what I need today....lots of postive thoughts for a CA-125 tumor marker test that falls in numbers. I need my platelet count to remain steady at 113 and not fall any further. I need a nurse who is kind, gentle and GOOD at getting the port needle in on the first try. I need to take several ouji breaths....it's not necessarily the situation that leads our breathing but rather our breathig can lead us into a situation in the mode we desire the most. I am searching myself for calmness, a sense of humor and my intelligence which I KNOW is in here somewhere. I need a Dr. who isn't going to yell at me because I gained 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks. I've been starving...what can I say? Salt. Salt. And more salt please. Can't get enough.   I need prayers and positives for all good things.
    Time to get moving. I look foward to seeing all of you in a few hours (I have my laptop with me!)

Much love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:12 PM

Thinking good thoughts for you today, Michelle.

For some other time, here is a link: BlogForaCure is a Twitter group with links to lots of cancer blogs. You may want to send them your montage link, if you're interested.

Relax, think calm thoughts, tell your friend "shhhhhh!" and have her squeeze your hand and offer support, if it would help. Touch is a powerful medicine.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:47 PM

It's 12:19 and I'm all hooked up to my chemo. The port needle went in on the first try and I'm thankful for that.
They took an older woman out of the chemo treatment center, right past me and I had to choke back some tears. Shortly afterwards I was called in to have my port done where I promptly burst into tears. The nurse was very kind, asked what was wrong and reminded me she was on her way to get help.
    The Dr. visit went well. My platelet count is UP to 200!!! HOORAY!!! I am NOT anemic and my white blood cells look great!!! I gained about 10 pounds and I told him I was HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. He said yep....that's chemo. So while I am irritated with that, I know I've not been "bad" it's just that the meds make me crave stuff...primarily salt. I eat popecorn, put loads of green olives in my salad, had potato chips last night (which I ever eat), etc. and I know THAT isn't helpful!! Oh well, have to have a treat sometimes!!!
    My CA-125 test was 17.4, down from last time...EXCELLLET!! I am, however, very tired today. Mom and my friend went back to the House of Care where they will have lunch and then bring me mine. I am thankful for both of them, truly. However, I am also thankful for some quiet, a litte respite for me!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:52 PM

PS. New, more powerful meds for achy leg days......he said it's far more powerful than the percocet and be prepared to be groggy.....and to NOT take it if I am home alone....too groggy. I am hoping they give me some relief.

I'm sleepy and going to give in to it.

Night all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:56 PM

PSS. Blood sugar 505 this morning. 15 units of log given.

SOooooooooooooo sleepy


Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 17 May 10 - 01:29 PM

Hope you had a good nap Michelle. Not too much longer and you will be through the treatment.Lots of good thoughts coming for the best results from all of this.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 May 10 - 02:58 PM

Lots of good thoughts coming for the best results from all of this.

Amen, and nothing but.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Bobert
Date: 17 May 10 - 03:57 PM

Well, sounds like the cancer got a good butt whup today... Sorry you had to take it with it, Michelle, but yer in the home strecth...

Hang in there... Ol' hillbilly got you in his prayers and thoughts...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 17 May 10 - 05:18 PM

You've been wrapped in our loving, healing thoughts all day, dear one. Lean back and relax into it while we take care of things.

love,
Allison

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 May 10 - 09:56 PM

I'll second that

love from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 09:59 PM

I did indeed have a nice nap....several of them throughout the day. My blood sugars are way out of line...just took it a few minutes ago and it's now 585!!! I took some insulin and oral meds and will hope that they do the trick.

I know I said I didn't want to come here but the truth is, I just don't want to face the aftermath. I've seen and visited with several lovely people today and that does my spirit good. Gotta love the Dr.s that hug and kiss you on the cheek....and the nurses that leave their email addys on the tray beside me while I sleep.

Oh and the Dr. also gave me some info about how to lessen the neoropathy in my hands....I hope that works!!! And more powerful meds for my bone pain...but I wrote that earlier.

I came here with my mom and a friend. One of the parties has gotten snippy. I don't care. I can't deal with it....I've got enough other stuff going on and right now I'll just be happy to get home. I have no room for drama in my life...I have enough of my own.

*sigh* I had been hoping for a fun trip. Maybe next time.

Ambien is now floating in my blood so I will sign off before I get goofy and ya'll won't be able to read my tying or a word I say.

Love to you all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 May 10 - 11:56 PM

Good for you letting the drama go. Also, don't beat yourself up over the weight. Steroids will make you eat like crazy, too, and cause all kinds of cravings.

I've lost count. Is this the last chemo or next to last? Either way, you faced it, again, and all will be well. You are so right about the breathing, too.

Much love and thanks givings,

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 10 - 12:30 AM

Michelle, you're approaching the next hump. Now that the procedure is over, you'll have a couple of rocky days, then get back to your old self. One day at a time, and be as patient with yourself as you can. Like Kat said, don't worry about the weight. Right now you're concentrating on life.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 18 May 10 - 02:42 AM

Michelle... would you mind sharing that info re reducing neuropathy in hands. I have a lot of throbbing hand and arm pain from osteo arthritis in cervical spine. I get desperate when I can't do anything with my hands.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 10 - 08:42 AM

LF--

As you resume home activities you will find that you prepared well for this week. Trust yourself on that, and start looking forward to life after chemo--

Which you have already organized to include friends, children, home, and (not least of these) LOVE.

Trust that, too.

I do not know where you and Hardi left off on scooter use-- I'm buried under work today-- but the last I heard was get key from Lisa. She is in charge of facility use, issuing keys, etc.

~S~

CC: CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 10:00 AM

Tam,

    He told me to take vitamin B-6, 100mg per day.

Time is short here, I have to get packing. More when I get home.

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 May 10 - 11:50 AM

You'll be home soon and in your own bed - always a blessing. Enjoy the drugs. Not sure about the drama other than this is one of the few times in your life when it is all about you. Take care. It is almost over.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 10 - 01:54 PM

Michelle, this thread is a great resource, so do keep us posted on how you're feeling. When this is all over, you'll be able to look back at all you wrote and make the shift and focus on helping others going through this. I've lost track, and I think Kat asked earlier and I didn't notice a response - is this the next to the last treatment, or was this the final one?

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 10 - 02:07 PM

As I am sure Michelle knows (and as I am sure is part of the stress), with cancer there is never a "last" treatment. There can be a last one in a planned series, and then one graduates to checkups and (sometimes, tho one hopes NOT) a new planned series. I believe she has alluded to the numbers they want to see from this round. Of course we all hope she surpasses those hopes. It may be the numbers that will dictate whether this is the last in this series.

===

I would beg to differ that this is a time all about Michelle. As she has herself often indicated, it has also been about fellow journeyers, for her. That is part of what has been so admirable!

===

I share these thoughts not to speak for Michelle, but from long experience with cancer patients' needs. Part of the need can be articulated by the patient. Some of it, tho, they need their supporters to be prepared for-- beyond whatever the patient shares. She has posted often about chemo fog-- thus I post what she may not see squarely in the transition days after the treatment.

This is a time to continue to hold the MOST POSITIVE but also MOST WATCHFUL thoughts. If this is the "last," that is even more true-- because now her body has to build back up and fight HARD to take full advantage of all these treatments, when it is more tired than ever.

===

GO MICHELLE! When is your next yoga scheduled? AMEN!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 04:21 PM

I am HOME!

This was my 5th treatment and I have one more round of chemo to go which will take place on June 7th. My platelet count acutally went UP this time after months of nosediving. I was certain they would send me home without the chemo treatment as I was very close to the line of no treatment allowed. Not only did the count go up but it went up by 70 points, all on it's own! Why this happened, I do not know. Also, my CA-125, a tumor marker test, dropped a tiny bit, and any downward motion is a good thing!

Te visit with my Dr. went well. He prescribed B-6 at 100mg a day to help with my extremely tingly and sometimes painful hands.....side effect of BOTH of the drugs I get in my chemo. I asked about the extreme pain in my legs and complained about the fog the meds leave me in. He prescribed something stronger for the pain and warned me that I would still have the fog...no way around it...just plan to be at home or in one place. Ok. I figure I will only need it for 2 days or so. As of right now, I am 24 hours out of my last treatment and my hips are beginning to hurt and I'mtired. Pete is home and has been terrific about carrying in my gear, offering to get my suitcase upstairs (where my pillow is still packed0 and just being here. Food is starting to taste strange and I'm feeling a little nauseous after a partial bag of fruit chews.

I talked to the Dr. about what happens after my next chemo treatment and he says I will be followed up by 3 month intravals by both my surgoen and by him. That means exams and blood work each time. I still have my port and am unsure how long that will be left in. It needs to be flushed out every 30 days. Also the 3 month check ups may be staggered between the two Dr.s so I may be seen like every month and a half. If not, I have requested more frequent bloodwork, specifically the CA-125 to make sure there is no tumor activity...or if there is, it can be addressed immediately. I asked for blood work every month instead of every 3 months. He said he might be able to bump it up to every month and a half. It's strictly a security blanket for me.

I slept through a good deal of my treatment yesterday which is new for me. But you know what? My chemo pal did the same...we are on the same schedule and if we are both doing the same thing, I think we can point to the natural progression on the treatment.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 04:29 PM

Oops...hit submit too soon.

Tip: I asked about chemo mouth.....something that makes everything taste terrible....even water which seems to burn my mouth for a week after treatment. The Dr. suggested old fashioned lemon drops. I found Lemonheads...but no lemon drops. I'll have to see what else I can find.

Drama continues in the form of a silent treatment and who am I kidding? It bothers me intensely.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 04:44 PM

Well, I just tried to see what the issue is and was told it was my fault. What else is new? I give up.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 10 - 05:13 PM

Your priest always has a good angle...

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 May 10 - 05:59 PM

Bless and release them to their highest good, sweetie. Let them sort it out. You have done WELL!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 06:31 PM

Not a priest issue...would be a waste of his time. It's just one of those things that's going to have to work itself out. In the meantime, I feel like crap about it. I've done what I can and that's all there is to it.

I'd like a personal chef tonight please.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:29 PM

you deserve it!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:46 PM

As for that last cancer treatment??? Well, kinda have to disagree with ya, WYSuzie... Follow ups, yeah... Treatments, no...

My mom is a cancer survivor... She had colon cancer almost 40 years ago and had breast cancer about 15 years ago... Yeah, she sees her oncologist once a year... They talk about gardening and family... Not excatly treatment... It's become more of a social thing...

I mean, there are lots of cancer survivors who will never ever again need treatment for cancer because it's long gone...

Michelle is going to be one of those folks... I know that in my heart... I also knew in my heart that I was gonna lose my late wife, Judy... Not too sure how that stuff works but Michelle will be cancer free and just stop by once a year to talk about family and gardening and, you know, stuff...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Pistachio
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:47 PM

Michelle, hello from Hazel, miles away(in East Yorkshire) but thinking of you. I was reading through the accountability thread then computer went to mush and I picked up this thread. I wish you the very best.Sorry to read about the crap(!), hope you find/found a personal chef and, you have my admiration for your fight. Seems you've been working hard on the sorting front... - in prepararation for your down time post Chemo. Hell, I'm impressed. Its an inspiration to read your posts. (((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))
One day at a time- take it steady. Hxx

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:57 PM

Bobert,

   I'm with you. My follow ups are gonna be all about taking my Dr.s fresh eggs (which I do on a regular basis now), showing my yoga photos....I thought my oncologist was going to fall out of his chair when I showed him a photo of me in a headstand....I KNEW he didn't believe me last time!!! LOL And he always asks about my animals.

   Realistically, I know that I will have to be followed for the rest of my life. I know that the odds for breast cancer are higher for me now than ever before. But I also now know that my surgeon said my odds are excellent....93% chance of never having a reoccurance.

   I know they can be wrong. I know I will worry. But I am doing my best to look forward in a positive light.

And Bobert? I love you.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 18 May 10 - 08:32 PM

Dear one, sometimes I read your posts and just have no words, only waves of love. Hope you feel them.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:09 PM

"Bobert, I love you"???? Now we know who the lovelorn groupie was who pursued poor Bobert while he was trying to sell CDs. See, Robbie! She wasn't drunk just stoned on heavy meds. LOL

I am with Bobert. Just one more chemo session then on with your life. Frequent check-ups and more frequent time with the new babies. How does Pete feel about being a Father and a Grandfather in one fell swoop?

As you handled your illness one day at a time and one step at a time, now you can savor the good times, one sip at a time. Two babies, a wedding, go for the gold, girl.

Lemon Lifesavers and lollipops will probably help as well as lemon drops, C. Howard's are amazing. They call them lemon mints but there is no mint flavor just really juicy lemon.
http://www.victoryseeds.com/candystore/chowards_lemon.html

SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:26 PM

I've been looking for Brach's Lemon Drops in stores for years and have not found them. So...just went looking and found their website with them available in bulk. That five pounds was the smallest quantity! I've just emailed them to see if they have a list of retail outlets.

I agree with MariGold and Bobert...you are doing tremendous and don't need any naysayers and squabblers mucking about. I love that you share your eggs and yoga with the docs and I am sure they love it, too. And, it's good for your spiritual self, too, that sharing and caring and ACCENTUATING THE POSITIVE, just the way the song says.:-)

Rest well and use what you need to make it through the rough days.

G'nightdarlin',

kat

Oh, and, remember you are in good company... a lot of cancer SURVIVORS are here at Mudcat...that's a good list to be on and a privileged list...hard won, but oh baby isn't it wonderful!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:29 PM

Wow, Sins!!! Think I might sign up fir some of that chemo myself... Like a new lease on yer sex life??? No more blue pills???

Cowabunga!!!

B;~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 10 - 11:56 PM

This cancer survivor knows she got off very easily--no chemo, but having the shit scared out of you by the Big C - we all have to deal with that, and it makes each of us appreciate a lot and treat our loved ones with more care, so they really know they are loved, they don't have to assume it. I stopped with the second master's degree (I had finished the coursework, and had a thesis left) when I got the diagnosis. Why shut myself away from my children to study, when I really needed to be a better parent, to be part of their lives? I am sorry I didn't finish the second masters, but it wasn't quite what I wanted, anyway, so if I get a chance, I'll work on it another time.

You have an opportunity to raise a child. Michelle, this is such a gift. I cringe when I read about children in abusive homes - where the parents themselves are babies, are immature, are ignorant, are so many things that don't lead to good parenting. You not only are going to be raising one of your own, you're going to be a role model (again) for your foster daughter and her child. Talk about a dynamic duo!

Let's finish with the hints and the prognostications, the territorial posts. We can all see through them, and none of us need to be told that our cancer didn't quite count as much as someone elses, or that we don't quite really know what we're talking about. We do know, better than you think. WYSIWYG, please sit down, take a few deep breaths, and relax. We know you mean well, but you've been a bit over the top lately.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 May 10 - 02:47 AM

Michelle! I had a good dream last night.. Let me first say this is a rarity. Usually my dreams are bad. Very bad.

Second - it was about you. I was watching a newsy / talk show on which you were being interviewed. You looked wonderful. Like a light was shining out of you. I jumped and shouted... "I know her! That's LilyFestre. She is a cancer survivor and she adopted a baby from Ethiopia years ago." I think you were being interviewed about a book you had written.


That dream made my night!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 03:18 AM

:) Tam!!! I love your dream!!! Thanks for sharing that!! Personally, I am awake from having some strange dreams tonight....the one that stands out the most was finding a child lost in the woods...it was very cold out and she was making handprints in the mud. Strange.

And Stilly....I wonder if there aren't millions of people living with cancer or survivors who think they got off easy. I know I whine a lot and yes, I do have intense pain sometimes....but in my heart, sometimes I think I should shut the hell up. I am not nauseous every day, I have people to talk to, I have doctors that I like and trust, I can move for 2 out of 3 weeks, my port (while I hated having it done) went in smoothly...no infecttions.....I could go on and on. I feel very damn lucky and blessed and cringe when I see others going through even more. As I sat in the waiting room to be called in to have my port needle set up, the paramedics came into the clinic with a stretcher. A few minutes later they wheeled out an elderly woman who was so thin, frail and pale. It felt like my heart stopped....I know that every single patient waiting in that waiting room must have felt the same...that could be me. How lucky am I to be sitting here breathing on my own?
    I think cancer is cancer is cancer...if you've heard the words, "You have cancer" you know the fear, the frustration and anxiety...no matter the course of treatment. It does something to you deep inside and really does change a person's perspective in it's own unique way.
    I had a discussion with my Dr. during this visit about my memory and ensuing fog and he said, "Yep, chemo brain." I might be in a fog sometimes and not remember things but I DO know what's going on. I think that people undergoing chemo have SO much on their minds that sometimes things just get crowded out.
    Anyway.....I'm with you in your thinking that I got off the hook fairly easily.....but then again, I think cancer, is cancer is cancer and I wish NONE of us ever had to go through it at all. EVER.

Michelle who is patiently waiting for her Ambien to kick in. Why can I never get a good night's sleep? ARG.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:40 AM

Let's finish with the hints and the prognostications, the territorial posts. We can all see through them, and none of us need to be told that our cancer didn't quite count as much as someone elses, or that we don't quite really know what we're talking about. We do know, better than you think. WYSIWYG, please sit down, take a few deep breaths, and relax. We know you mean well, but you've been a bit over the top lately.

===

I did not hint, and I did not prognosticate. (Did someone really suggest that LF's cancer didn't count?!?!?!? Did someone say peeps here didn't know....????)

I wrote what is True for all cancer patients-- in a thread many of us recognize is (and may be, in the future) a resource for others.

Who is to say that I have not been there myself?

Who is to say for whom I write-- or where it comes from?

Thoughtful people will have read that post someone-- not me-- got territorial about, and seen that it was about: maintaining relaxed, prayerful attention.

BTW, my supervisors agree.

================

Now-- LF-- when is the next yoga class?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 11:40 AM

Next yoga? There's a drop in class tonight but I am going to an I Can Cope meeting for folks living with cancer...whether it be now or in the past. I think I am one of the few in the room still receiving treatment. They are a good bunch of people and often have guests to speak about various things...nutrition, exercise and tonight it's about acupuncture for pain management and hot flashes....right up my alley! Never say never....although I'd have to talk to my doc about it first.

Beginner yoga class tomorrow and if my body will allow, I'd like to go. Although, I can feel the tell tale signs on pain starting in. Hips are tender, backs of my hands are achy.....so in the meantime, I'm puttering around the house. Ran the vaccuum cleaner, going to sweep and dust the living room next. Pete did the dishes and I cleaned up the counter. My kitchen table is ALMOST visible.....you know....puttering. I slept in late this morning and am tired which I know is going to be part of the deal....so I do a little and take a break...hence my visit here.

On days like this, I wish I had a hot tub with those swirling water jets to chase away the aches before they get ugly.

Anyone ever hear of or take (I did google it so I'm looking for more personal experience than info) hydromorphone?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 12:15 PM

Warning: PISSED OFF.

About a month ago, a woman came to me...a life coach....and said she and my yoga teacher wanted to offer a class for women with cancer....all focused on easy movement, breathing and all other kinds of positive things. She told me that I was part of the inspiration for this workshop. Ok. Cool. I wanted to go. I signed up. I signed my friend Tracy up (who by the way is having a hell of a time right now). We were both really excited to have the day together focusing on something we have in common that would be helpful. So just now I got this note on Facebook...an oh by the way, kind of note that they are cancelling the class as only 3 people signed up. Now here's my thinking. Three people signed up for a yoga, breathing, positive affirmations workshop in the middle of freakin' nowhere and you are surprised? In an area where you aren't permitted to use the word YOGA in school (breathing exercises is much better *eyeroll*), you expected a giant outpouring of people to show up? So now there are at least 2 of us who are really disappointed to not to be able to have that experience together. Futher this woman running it said, "I'm so sorry you'll miss this." Um. Hello. I did NOT cancel ANYTHING. YOU DID. I emailed her and told her she had better get in contact with Tracy as I am NOT breaking this to her. It's like saying the 3 of us that signed up aren't worth the effort, despite the road to hell we've all been on these last few months.

Some life coach, huh? Screw that.

I think this is the first taste of angry I've had in awhile.

My apologies.....I AM PISSED.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 May 10 - 12:52 PM

Well.... there's that bright-red flashing L on your forhead again (Leader), visible from here. :~) Like we see Armenia Mtn windmill lights at night, coming into our road.

Why don't you go ahead with the three people and do a yoga get-together on your own, that will include the pieces you want it to include? (That great teaching cert you worked so hard for?)

There are some nice, quiet spaces up in the Church School; the nursery has a nice carpet if I recall right, and lots of floor space..... if you get a key from Lisa you can look up there whenever the pain subsides, and see if it would suit.... since the Jumpstart class regularly held in the parish house is probably on the wrong floor for your thing?

"Life coach" is just a cert; you still have to discern the person holding it.

:~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 May 10 - 01:13 PM

I don't blame you for being pissed off. Cancelling a class for women with cancer is simply wrong on so many levels. If the class depended on numbers she should have thrown it out as a possibility based on a minimum of X attendees. At least then no one would be disappointed at a time when they can not afford any additional disappointments.

But I am glad that you are PISSED. Once again, I will say that for now it has to be all about you. She is sorry you will miss this? Is she also sorry that you just aren't worth her time or effort?
Rant over.

Fortunately, you have a yoga class.
Any chance of holding a breathing stretching class in your own home? Followed by some healthy chat and a cup of tea? Maybe...

As to the water jets, they used to sell a simple pump that attached to your bathtub and did just that. Some had a mat with jets to sit on as well. I guess it is back to Ebay for a search.

Have to agree with SRS - nothing is true for all cancer patients. Some have chemo and need more. Some have one round of chemo and it is over. Some have surgery and no chemo and never have another problem. My brother is one; Jacqui is another. Michelle is fortunate to have excellent medical care and they will decide what comes next. As her doctor said - I will tell you when it is time to worry.

For now, keep yourself healthy for the next and last treatment and look forward to your babies.

You are always in my thoughts, Michelle.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 19 May 10 - 04:04 PM

Being pissed is a very good sign - it shows that you have, in no way, given in to all of this. I agree with Sins - if you can arrange for the people who did sign up to get together and do some deep breathing, simple yoga, whatever comes to mind. That would be you taking control of both your condition and the outside forces that, as we all know, can tend to make you feel helpless.

I have told Kendall, each time that he has had to go through yet another procedure, that, for a while, it is all about HIM. That does not mean that we aren't aware of other people's problems - sometimes it makes us more acutely aware of what others are going through - but, at a time when doctors and drugs seem to be dictating what one can and cannot do, it is good to know that there may be people out there concentrating solely on your personal needs.

Again, it can give back a certain amount of control, when that seems to have been taken out of your hands. Why, when you are having to deal with myriad symptoms as a result of operations or medication, should you not be spoiled, as it is clear that your lovely husband is doing. That someone else closer to you should choose this time to get snippy and to blame you for it is unbelievable. NOT your problem. Just enjoy the care and attention being given by those who really care about you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 May 10 - 04:16 PM

And be kind to Pete when he finally asks "When is it my turn?" because he has earned it and that question means he knows you are finally OK.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 04:32 PM

I do my best to be kind to Pete all the time as I know just how hard he works and all that he does for me!!!! I am SO lucky to have him in my life and I want him to know I feel that way every single day of his life!!!!!!!!!!!!!


<3 <3 <3

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 May 10 - 05:02 PM

AAAWWWWWW.
That's nice.
M

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 09:32 PM

Bitch break:

My mouth tastes horrible. I haven't been able to eat much at all today. I had cereal for breakfast. Pete took me out to lunch and I had about 3 bites of chili, packed up the rest for home, ordered some rhubarb pie thinking the tart would be good. No flavor whatsoever. Met Mom for dinner. Fruit parfait. Two bites. Ew. Coffee. Ew. Water with lemon...made me sick to my stomach. Cereal at home, better.

Just sat through a LONG (ok...it probably seemed like because I was barfy) support meeting...guest speaker about acupuncture who happened to mention AT THE END that no needles for acupuncture for those going through chemo. Dr. says no massage during chemo. I could have been at home barfing in peace. ARG.

Ok. I'm done bitching and I'm done being an asshole for today.

Tomorrow will be better.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:39 PM

It's not tomorrow yet so let me add that my hands hurt like hell tonight....knees aren't far behind.

Michelle who won't complain tomorrow

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:47 PM

Hey, girl... As bad as you feel just think how them cancer cells feel... Purdy crappy and ready to bail on you... Ya' gotta remember that chemo ain't about you... It's about them... And tonight??? They are purdy pissed off, too...

Yer gonna come out the other side of this... They ain't... You can take that to the bank!!! And then, once yer taste buds get back up, to yer favorite resturant... On Pete, of course...

Hang in there, baby... One more lap and this shit is history...

b~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: My guru always said
Date: 20 May 10 - 03:23 AM

Sending you positive thoughts from across the pond,
Hil