Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007

Subject: BS: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Jun 07 - 04:52 PM

It is now getting close to the Blitherscrum Folk Festival yet again.
This will be the third year it has run and already we have an impressive line up of performers including.
Vinegar Butt,
Jezlo,
Gorgeous Papadopoulos,
William McTell,(No1 hit with 'I shot the apple')
Airport Contention,
Speareyed Stan,
Show of gloves,
and many more.

The journalist reporting on this years Festival is Count Richard of Easby..a well known antagonist and critic of Folk Clubs.
Further details to follow.

Subject: RE: BS: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Folkiedave
Date: 03 Jun 07 - 06:11 PM

Incredible String Vest..........

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Effsee
Date: 03 Jun 07 - 09:26 PM

Last Night's Flan.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 02:29 AM

Sid Bloater.

eric

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 02:40 AM

This years indoor camping will be an improvement on last as the toilet has now been fixed so no more urinating on the inside walls gents. There will be a special place supplied in a corner of the main marquee for hanging banjos...this may of course become a ritual and is a lot less smelly than burning them. The Bodhran race on the fast flowing river Blither will take place again this year...it was so appreciated last year when all the bodhrans exept one went floating away at breakneck speed.
We will be holding a meeting on the Friday night to discuss the "Collapse of the Folk Clubs" thread on Mudcat. Anyone who fears fiery female journalists is advised not to attend as it may make them a little queezy and spoil their weekend.
Anyone who wishes to fawn over performers will be allowed into a special 'viewing' booth in the main tent where they cannot be admonished for looking. If however anyone (particularly the men and more particularly the backwoodsmen) admits to fancying one of the women (or men for that matter) they will be ejaculated (or is it ejected) from the tent.
Further details to folow.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Folkiedave
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 04:34 AM

This years indoor camping will be an improvement on last as the toilet has now been fixed so no more urinating on the inside walls gents

You mean that wasn't the showers? That does explain a lot.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 07:39 AM

Farmer Jones..a man outstanding in his field, will be out standing in his field waiting for the outdoor campers to arrive from Friday 11am until 6pm. If you need eggs or milk you can order them from him after he has gone. Mrs Jones will be playing the melodeon again this year and hopefully no surprises like the chick that jumped out of it last year. Farmer Jones' pig (new since last year) tends to smell very badly...but is having an operation on his nose to remedy that.
The blue and white box that looks like a telephone box is not the 'Tardis' of Dr Who, so to save any mistakes, it has a sign saying 'Turdis' on the outside.
Further details to follow.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 09:04 AM

The toilet facilities are again this year being overseen by the Eddie Baker Organic S**t Company who have recently acqired a secondhand 10,000 litre tanker from the Watney Brewery. Eddie assures his customers that all traces of the previous product will be removed before filling takes place in order that the pollution threat is eliminated.

Good news for vintage lorry enthusiasts, it has just been announced that Jack Spires will be attending with his Foden.

Mullock on Gribble Molly Dancers have had to withdraw as Molly has been taken ill with a nasty attack of the squibbles.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 11:29 AM

Saturday Night concert on the Main Stage will be headlined by Vest Life.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Effsee
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 11:41 AM

Is that a string band?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 11:51 AM

The "new talent" tent will not be featured this year due to an unfortunate misunderstanding....

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Splott Man
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 11:58 AM

I'm looking forward to:

Many Humpties and a hat,
Watered-down McCartney,
Self Mademan,
and The Men they Couldn't Hear

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 12:16 PM

Sunday morning demonstration in the copse, by the Backwoodsmen Formation Leering Team.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 12:22 PM

And after closing time on friday the Initial Curry Scoffing competition will be followed the up-chucking championships.

Sorry I'll get me coat and go for my take-away straightaway.

dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 01:04 PM

ROFLOL...keep it coming folks.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 01:50 PM

Senator McCarthy and the Redcatchers

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 01:51 PM

Are there any berths available on the Curry Ship this year?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 01:58 PM

Curry Ship leaves Abdul's Indian Restaurant (the one behind the gasworks) as soon as the landlord(s) can get the b*****s out of the pub(s).

At the time of writing we need a ships writer to read the menu and place the order. All other members of the crew will be all at sea following partaking of vast quantities of Old Codgers Ale.

;-)
Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 04:35 PM

See if you can find one in the local 'shanty' town eh?
I see we have outside interest this year...a few new contributors to the thread...so are you coming to the Festival or do you have worse things to do?
The local butcher is said to have some delicious meat pies this year. The taste of his meat pies has certainly improved since his wife disappeared last month without trace..... Last year when I asked him for bacon...he said "Lean back" which I thought was a bit strange but I leaned back and asked him again.
Backwoodsman has elected to take the star spot at the Pig and Pong on Friday night. I particularly enjoyed his rendition of "Anarchist Geordie" last year..he also sung his own versions of "I'm fawnin' over you darlin'" and "Look at that lass in the mini skirt over there"...... All the women enjoyed him!(if you'll pardon the expression).
It has come to the notice of the committee that someone complained of a puff adder being in the bathroom last year......the rumour is totally untrue although Sergeant Smart did break wind in the bath and count the bubbles if that's where the rumour came from.
Getting close to the Festival now...more details when I have them.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 04:48 PM

Far worse things to do thank you

Beer to drink,songs to sing,festivals etc etc etc

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 08:37 PM

You asked for it -
"Is that your Ayrshire Bacon?"
"Nooo. I'm jest waaarmin me haaands."

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 06:45 AM

Some late cancellations:
The Demon Barbers were on tour but have cut it short.
Faustus have contractual problems.
Brass Monkey have found things dropping off due to cold weather.
The Devils Interval are taking a break.

You will also be disappointed to hear that the "Last Night's Fun" concert was yesterday evening.

---

Please note that anonymous posting is no longer allowed at Mudcat. Use a consistent name [in the "from" box] when you post, or your messages risk being deleted.
Thanks.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 10:52 AM

Dave Fibber of Fibber & Wentiman will be holding a May Day Song workshop called "It's a Hobby of mine, you go and write your own".

This year's hot product from the Craft Tent is set to be the "Make your own Cider from scratch kit". This consists of an apple pip, planting and growing instructions and a dead dog. It is suggested that the dog be kept frozen for about 30 years until the tree actually starts to crop. There is a reduction of £15.99 if you provide your own dog.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 10:54 AM

"provide your own dog."

Is that dead or alive?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 11:11 AM

Depends if it's going in or coming out!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 11:22 AM

On the subject of dogs..please be aware if you bring your dog and have to leave it on the camp..there is a strange man who was caught ..by me...trying to commit an indecent act with someones unattended dog. I did say to him "How low can you get"? but he answered with "OOOOH a dacshund is about me lowest so far".
Incidentally if your dog poos anywhere it is your responsibility to clean it up...there are dog poo bins available and "Super dooper pooper scoopers" to pick it up with will be available for purchase.
Stewards are sill needed for the event but if applying please remember that you must be at least 3' 6" tall in stockinged feet or taller with high heels (especially the men).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Folkiedave
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 11:52 AM

You will also be disappointed to hear that the "Last Night's Fun" concert was yesterday evening.

Not surprised at all........that is how they got their name - being there last night.........allegedly.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 12:01 PM

To Folkiedave: "Not surprised at all........that is how they got their name - being there last night.........allegedly."

Erm . . quite - I think that was the joke.

---

Please note that anonymous posting is no longer allowed at Mudcat. Use a consistent name when you post, or your messages risk being deleted.
Thanks.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 01:51 PM

The local garage proprietors (Broke & Down) have complqined that they were inundated with problem vehicles last year and suggest you get them checked before you leave home. They are also not into music so 'A Flat' tyre....and 'C Minor' problems with the windscreen' seems to rub them up the wrong way

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Chorusgirl
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 04:55 PM

The other garage proprietors Piston Broke want it to be known they are still open for business.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 05:23 PM

More sad news.

I'm afraid Dr. Felltokay can't bring his Morris Dancing Flea Circus this year as he doesn't think they are quite up to scratch.

On the bright side, they may be able to provide a scratch band for dancing...but the good Doctor does ask that clog dancing is not included in the programme.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,martin ellison
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 05:46 PM

To Joe Offer:

Sorry Joe, it was me (guest above) posting hastily from work and I'm unsure of the conventions. I may just join your clique to avoid comitting the same faux pas.
Apologies
Martin

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Celtaddict
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 08:26 PM

Welcome, Martin, do sign up.
And come scrum a blither with us.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 08:59 PM

If your feeling a little touselled after a day or two under canvas come to the Curl up and Dye mobile hair salon.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 02:33 AM

So pleased to see so many young people at last years Festival and apparently James (6'4") and Rita (4'11") got married after meeting there. That's the long and the short of it!. They will be honeymooning in Outer Mongolia so will miss Friday and Saturday but will be at Sundays Grand Concert around the village pump. I phoned for a weather forecast for the area and have been assured there will definitely be some weather.
'Airport Contention's new CD has really taken off I hear and the song "Fly me to Blitherscrum" will feature at the Festival.
More news later.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 04:00 AM

News from the Fringe. Blitherscrum Angling Society have cancelled the "Open Fly Fishing Competition" as too many of the competitors were taking the title too literally. A spokesman for the BAS, Colin "Chopper" Todgson (49), pointed out that worms were an illegal bait.

From the Campsite. After recent problems a ruling has been made banning the use of portable barbecues in tents. From now only properly constructed brick built structures will be allowed. The practice of using fire buckets for "other" purposes is discouraged.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Splott Man
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 04:01 AM

I'm looking forward to the demonstrations

There'll be Rod Stradling (I tried it once and got it painfully wrong),
some Dan Keding, and if it rains Sunday afternoon, Van Eyking.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 06:42 AM

Is the Clay Bodhran Shooting contest going on this year ?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 06:54 AM

Roy Clinging was immensely popular last year (especially with Roy).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 07:02 AM

MC Fat, the Clay Bodhran Shooting is still going on, however, beaters are still required to flush out the quarry for the Real Bodhran shooting.

Hurdy Gurdy drones will not be tolerated this year and will be ejected on sight or even off site.

New this year is the Fiddle workshop sponsored by Blitherscrum DSS office and run by Wayne, Duane and Jason (bail conditions permitting).

Noodle weaving for beginners will again show you how to make attractive and functional tomato puree coloured garments for both office and evening wear.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 11:35 AM

In case of inclement weather this year...Ailsa Tones and Wayne Drops will be selling umbrellas. People are asked to use them for the correct purpose as last year Cecil was heard asking Rodney "Shall I put the umbrella up" and Rodney was heard replying "Yes but make sure you don't open it".

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 11:43 AM

NO SMOKING BAN


The no smoking ban will be strictly enforced by special SSSS's [Special Smoke Sniffling Squads: Motto- Who Glares Wins!!] on the campsite, & in all venues.


Anyone found to be in contempt will be named and shamed, then will be, according to the degree of offence:

* sold into slavery on cbay

* sold to More on Toast to supplement the greasy food supply

* other suggestions for appropriate treatments welcomed!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 04:58 PM

OOps, when I saw the sign it had a gap between the 'O' and the 'K' so I thought we had a performer called Nosmo King!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 05:16 PM

Can't see it on the programme so far so can anyone confirm that the very well supported Bodhran Tuning (stanley knives provided) Workshops will occur this year?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 06:24 PM

Did you mean de-tuning Dave? LOL. Sounds like a good idea.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 06:33 PM

No I think tuning is right cos they sound so much better afterwards.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 02:36 AM

I see I see...Yes of course you are right. I will suggest the local store stocks a range of Stanley knives to meet the needs of the bodhran tuners (or their friends?).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 03:43 AM

We have got a performer called Nosmo King, he's one half of a duet called The King Brothers and appears with his brother Nopar. They are a speciality dance act who finish their performance with the famous and dangerous Dance of the Flaming Arseholes. Very spectacular when the lights are dimmed!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 09:07 AM

"Dance of the Flaming Arseholes."

On completion of same Mosmo gets stubbed out and Nopar gets the pair of them towed away.

This act is recommended if you are short of crew at your venue. They are self clearing and the "get out" takes no time at all.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 11:27 AM

I understand the local campsite owner has been arrested and would you believe for 'Loitering withintent' Had the tent been his own he would have been O.K but it belonged to 'Sassy Babs' the local angler or is it hooker...something to do with fish anyway.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 11:40 AM

Dave. Sorry, I forgot to mention their roadie is called Singen Balls who used to have a dog act in which a poodle was fired from a large calibre gun. It went under the name of "Canine Balls". Unfortunately the episode with the Labrador put paid to his performing career and so, dogless, Singen turned to being a roadie.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 11:57 AM

Ah yes I remember him well.

Isn't he the guy who ,before his dog act, was a juggler of flaming clubs using the stage name StJohn (pronounced sinjen Highbrows).

All this flaming stuff might not be safe in our Marquee.

I suggest we translocate them to the Abduls Curry house where they can mix with the other hot stuff (including Sassy Babs).

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Chorusgirl
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 07:14 PM

I like the Chicken Tarka from the curry house, it's similar to Chicken Tiki, but it's "otter"!!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Jun 07 - 02:51 AM

James you may remember from last year had to leave early....well he was actually taken away by ambulance. He had got hold of some curry powder from the Curry House and injected himself with it....His mother says he is till in a Korma.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 08 Jun 07 - 04:00 AM

Isn't it curious how coincidences crop up? Singen's grandmother was actually born in Northern India which is why she was always known as Peshwari Nan, although her real name was Alice Ketchup, a saucy little minx by all accounts. So Singen would be quite at home in the Curry House as it would remind him of childhood days at his nan's house.

Dave, you are correct, his agent advised him to change the spelling of his name as he thought it was too highbrow for the cheaper end of the club circuit he was now working. Palladium to Potton in one swift fall from grace. Grace kept on working at a higher level of course and apparently married some sort of aristocratic French person.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 08 Jun 07 - 05:29 AM

"sort of aristocratic French person."

A daring young man on his flying trapeze was what I heard.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 08 Jun 07 - 06:58 AM

Daring but dim. He was known as Monsieur Reotard.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Splott Man
Date: 08 Jun 07 - 08:18 AM

And he was known to give Grace Notes after a show.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Jun 07 - 08:41 AM

Wasn't that Amazing Grace?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Jun 07 - 08:52 AM

'Flash' Foulkes will not appear this year due to his arrest at another Festival for 'fiddling'.....unfortunately it was himself he was fiddling with not his violin. The Police said they will have it out with him.
Ricky Digress will also not appear as he has digressed to Austria on holiday. However..some good news Jerry Raffiki (from Baker Street) will be appearing this year.
Kate Rugby who had hoped to join the singaround was disappointed to find that Rugby songs are banned after the bawdy singaround last year.
More to follow

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 08 Jun 07 - 01:13 PM

"he was known to give Grace Notes after a show."

And it was because of the contents of said notes that he was sentenced to 18 months in clink.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 08 Jun 07 - 01:34 PM

"they will have it out with him."

Didn't he have out when he was fiddling with it?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Jun 07 - 07:03 PM

Yes of course and now apparently he is 'holding out' for a quick release.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 09 Jun 07 - 04:22 AM

Some people have PM'd me re the directions for getting to Blitherscrum but sadly I have a map and it doesn't show Blitherscrum on it....so:-
I assume all UK members know where Birmingham is..........well it's nowhere near there so that's a start. It is so easy to get to!
Turn left at the 'Beastie and the Pig' and go about four miles before turning right at the 'Crab and Organ'. Take the fork in the road a you might need it to eat with if we are short at camp. Left again at the 'Nude and voyeur' and immediate left following the sign which says 'Blitherscrum Folly'.....This road takes you direct to the campsite which you can't miss as the sign outside says 'DEAD END'.....which I hope doesn't put too many off. Any further difficulties please phone me at Naffhall 1212....or Mingulay on Sodhall 0000.
May I wish you all a pleasant trip to the Festival

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 09 Jun 07 - 05:12 AM

Telephone link "Naffhall 1212" gets you nowhere
It Should be "Hallnaff 2121"

Gerry

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 09 Jun 07 - 07:38 AM

Just heard that the Guantanamo Bay Shanty Singers are to make an appearance singing songs from their 'Extraordinary Rendition' album the US Air Force will land their aircraft at Blitherscrum International Airport

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 09 Jun 07 - 01:08 PM

Guantanamo Bay Shanty singers....WoW...I guess we are Blessed....will they still be in their chains and hoods or what?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 09 Jun 07 - 04:20 PM

Thanks for the directions to the festival.

Could I just issue a word or two of advice to those who are hoping to use their Sat Nav devices?

It appears that a number of the cheaper devices are sending visitors to Blitherscrum down Clapboard Lane...locals will know that there is a very low bridge on this route......they quite often gather by the abutments to pillage from wayward winnebagos, double decker buses and landrovers cunningly enscribed "Blitherscrum or Bust"

There is a nasty rumour doing the rounds of the local pubs that certain "adapted" Sat Navs are on sale that lure the unwary driver into situations where they become stuck and are easy piclkings for the locals. A little like the old wreckers of previous centuries.

You would be safer taking a sharp left onto the railway line.....

Best wishes,

Peter

BTW there is also a rumour that Bust is organizing a heavy rock festival for the same week-end.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 09 Jun 07 - 04:43 PM

"piclkings"

I meant pickings...but you knew that...didn't you?   You didn't?

Ah......you thought I meant the long lost tribe of warriors who live in the depths of Scandinavia!

Sorry..no...they are still lost....can't afford a Sat Nav I expect...

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 09 Jun 07 - 05:54 PM

So actually you would be well advised to do everything opposite to what your sat-nav tells you to do to be sure of getting there.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Jun 07 - 11:35 AM

Could all the men please be a little careful at what they are saying to the barmaids and particularly the Landlords wife at the Pig and Pong as last year whilst referring to Nigel and Peter on the door...someone told her she had a great pair of bouncers. She obviously misunderstood and slapped his face.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 10 Jun 07 - 11:41 AM

No No

It was the door furniture being discussed

what Nigel said was

"Luverly pair of knockers Missus"

The bruise faded in time but the front tooth has gone forever.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Jun 07 - 12:08 PM

Nice to see you contributing to this thread 'Hatman' LOL

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 10 Jun 07 - 12:23 PM

Yeah,

Despite what may have been seen on other threads I do in fact have a sense of humour. Thats the other SOH you understand.

More details of Blitherscrum FF awaited.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Jun 07 - 04:26 PM

I know exactly what you are saying and having had the brushes with our female journalist person I decided to desist from posting on that thread. You may have noticed that reference has been made to her indirectly on here. It is a pleasure to have you aboard BC.
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 05:17 AM

I thought as predicted that a group of women similar to those at the gates of Greenham Common some years ago had gathered outside Blitherscrum airport as a protest at the USAF plane landing there. I was wrong, they are actually the British contingent of the fan club for The Guantanamo Bay Shanty Singers...amazing!! I would imagine they will be attending the Festival in support.
Some of the recent songs by the Shanty singers are:- 'My love is far away'.....'Chains, my baby's got me locked up in chains'....'Fields of Athenry' (By a lonely prison wall)......'Hold Me'......

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 05:27 AM

FIELDS OF ATHENRY (alternative version)

By a lonely prison wall I heard a young girl calling
Michael they are singing it again
If I hear it one more time, I think I'll lose my mind
I'm so fed up with the Fields of Athenry

cho: Oh no the Fields of Athenry
If I hear it one more time I think I'll die
It's such a boring song it goes on and on and on
I'm so fed up with the Fields of Athenry

From within the prison wall I heard a young man calling
Mary why do you think I'm here
In here we all agree transportation'll set us free
Free from the Fields of Athenry

By a lonely harbour wall I saw the last star falling
As the prison ship sailed out against the tide
Hold on that girl did say I'm coming with you to Botany Bay
To escape from the Fields of Athenry

Sorry!

I'll get me (hat 'n)coat

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,NFA
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 05:33 AM

As the official Blitherscum government appointed Carbon footprint monitor I would just like to state the official 10 point energy offsetting programme for the festival.

1        The PA will be powered by the Blitherscum national cycle team with additional power supplied by the wind farm on backside hill.

2        All performers will be lip sinking to backing tracks. This allows us to do   away with the sound engineer and the three other blokes who hang around the sound desk.

3        All stewards will be issued with natural fibre steward jackets. They may itch and cause rashes so please understand why they may not be as helpful as last year.

4        We will be collecting all human waste and presenting to the local farmer Mr Muddman for use on his organic parsnip farm.

5        There will be a gratuitous surcharge of £10.00 per visitor which will be spent wisely by the newly formed government body CRAPS (Carbon recapture and protection scheme) please do not think of this as a tax more an obligatory donation.

6        All campers are to recycle………………

7        We will be monitoring gas imitations through out the festival and should the levels of Carbon rise we will immediately shut down the real ale bar and curry stand until levels have fallen back to safe levels. You have been warned!

8        The "save carbon or else drown" bumper stickers will be available from all forward thinking stands, please buy one and support your government, we will save you……Honest

9        Anybody found lighting fires will be immediately ejected from the festival no excuses will be accepted ( This will not apply to the traditional festival "burning of the Bodhran's" finale)

10         On behalf or the government we wish you a happy and successful last ever festival before the introduction of the new "two at a festival" law comes into effect in January,

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 05:47 AM

Guantamo Bay Shanty Singers will be selling replica onange jump suits and hoodies.
Plus the the Iraqi duo Soo & Sunni will be singing songs from their highly acclaimed album 'You're Just a Load of Shi-ites'

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,sparticus
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 06:01 AM

Is racism allowed on this forum?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 06:24 AM

"Is racism allowed on this forum?"

Not sure why you're asking.

I don't think we are racist as a group. What you have seen on this thread may not be Politically Correct and is just a bunch of us having a joke with each other.

If someone were to verbally or electronically attack someone JUST because of their race or culture the guys round here would be the first to object - (hope I can say this on your behalf chaps).

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 07:01 AM

"gas imitations"

The mind boggles!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 07:11 AM

Do we have to order and pay for the jump suits and hoodies or can we earn them?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 07:11 AM

Could it be gas "emanations" perhaps?

Re Rule 4 above, Eddie Baker might have something to say about that as he already has the s**t contract and doesn't like interfering politically correct do-gooders! Guest NFA, you have been warned. Eddie's connections spead far and wide, just like his s**t.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,sparticus
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 10:19 AM

Making the inmates of Guantanamo Bay the subject of your "having a joke with each other" may not appeal to a lot of people besides myself, given the circumstances of their incaceration.
MC Fat seems to think that the Iraqis and their religious beliefs are a huge joke also. Get a grip!

While I'm at it leave out the sexist crap as well.

Note: These comments aren't aimed at the majority of posters to this thread whose contributions I find somewhat amusing.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 10:56 AM

Spartacus,

I'm sorry you have taken offense but please don't come on to us in the same style as a certain other person who was mentioned (obliquely) earlier in this thread.

I say again we ain't racist (or sexist) we just have a particular sense of the ridiculous (or humour if you prefer).

You are of course at liberty to ignore us. What has been said wasn't addressed to you personally.

Hope I'm reflecting the view of my (silly?) pals hereabout- correct me if I'm not please.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 11:03 AM

Please try not to leave carbon footprints all over the dance floor. Wipe your feet before you go in, this festival site is agricultural land remember.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 11:22 AM

"Wipe your feet before you go in"

The Festival organizers must have gone up-market this year.

In previous years we have been asked to wipe our feet before leaving!!

dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 11:26 AM

In previous years we have been asked to wipe our feet before leaving!!

Er, no, it wasn't your feet. (or in my case, foot)

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Splott Man
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 11:37 AM

I thought they were having a foot wiping workshop this year.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 12:16 PM

I thought it was to do with running and jumping and stuff... the Athletes Foot School isn't it?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 12:19 PM

Guest Sparticus (should be spelt Spartacus) Your appreciation of the humour on this thread will not go unnoticed......perhaps you should concentrate on other more serious threads where there is no humour...seems like it would be more suited to you.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 12:59 PM

Georgiansilver
"Guest Sparticus (should be spelt Spartacus)"

My Guest name is "sparticus" I can't for the life of me figure out who appointed you "Changer of Guest Names."
You can stick your "Your appreciation of the humour on this thread will not go unnoticed," where the sun don't shine, along with your other comments.
If you condone racism, sexism and the denegration of others' religious beliefs then I fear it's you who has no sense of humour if you find anything remotely funny in some of the comments made in this thread.

sparticus

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,sparticus
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 01:02 PM

Apologies

Last post from me.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 01:17 PM

Sparticus

If thats how you want to spell it you must have a good reason for it cos it is not the name of the gladiator in the film.

Your style is becoming very familiar. Did you not read what I said earlier? We are NOT sexist or racist (Where have we been accused of that before Mike?)

Tell you what why don't you sign up to Mudcat come back to the thread as a joined up catter showing some sort of committment to the scheme of things. We then may just start to take a bit more notice of you.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 01:35 PM

wasn't meant to be racist was just a play on the word Shi-ite soz if it offended any one

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,sparticus
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 01:56 PM

Thank you MC Fat. You've got more about you than a few others around here.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 02:13 PM

"just a play on the word "

Yes of course it was and so was most of the rest of what has been said here.

Could our friend Sparticus not see that?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 03:33 PM

To show there's no hard feelings....

Would Sparticus like to do the honours?

Best wishes,


Peter

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 06:45 PM

Just came back from a particularly good night at Walkeringham Club...great musicians and great fun...to find our friend is a little disgruntled with what has been said on the thread.....As has been suggested, come back as a regular member and stop playing your game of disguise and we will 'maybe' take some notice of your attempts to discredit people or threads. Your style seems to have crossed our paths before! This has been a fun thread all the way until your appearance GUEST Spartiiiiicus......why not join the fun and add something to make us laugh?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 11 Jun 07 - 07:11 PM

Did his/her 100 post get deleted.

I'm sure I saw it earlier.

Probably got filtered out as a "Guest" only posting.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 02:56 AM

News has come through that we will be visited at Blitherscrum this year by a bitter old journalist who walks around with head up a... and has chips on both shoulders...how true is this?..watch this space!
I feel we have been fortunate to not have any swearing on this thread as yet althouth our friend Spartiiiicus did use the c... word..hope this is not a sign on thread decay ot the "Collapse of the Blitherscrum Festival"

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 05:17 AM

Breaking news Margaret Beckett is coming in her caravan and will serenade us with her version of 'Kumbayah' on her woolies nylon strung guitar

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,NFA
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 06:13 AM

As the official Blitherscum government appointed Carbon footprint monitor and mow government spokesperson (a quick promotion for those of you with keen eyes) I would just like to confirm that neither Margaret nor ANY member of the government will be attending the festival. It is our policy that allowing ministers to meet with the general public (this just about includes folkies) is dangerous and would only confuse any politician attending. Tony Blair ignored this rule and look what happened.


       As the official Blitherscum government appointed Carbon footprint monitor and now government spokesperson (a quick promotion for those of you with keen eyes) I would just like to confirm that neither Margaret nor ANY member of the government will be attending the festival. It is our policy that allowing ministers to meet with the general public (this just about includes folkies) is dangerous and would only confuse any politician attending. Tony Blair ignored this rule and look what happened.

PS.    I notice that on this communication you are spelling Blitherscum differently............... on your official "application to gather more than four people in one place at the same time" form it is spelt Blitherscum. We are now considering what action to take a punishment. A committee has been formed and we have selected John Leonard to plead your case so you are in safe hands.
   Notification of the committee's findings will be sent as soon as they have resolved the issue.

Regards

The Naked civil serpent

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,NFA
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 06:16 AM

My appologies, I seem to have developed a writing stutter!!!


As the official Blitherscum government appointed Carbon footprint monitor and now government spokesperson (a quick promotion for those of you with keen eyes) I would just like to confirm that neither Margaret nor ANY member of the government will be attending the festival. It is our policy that allowing ministers to meet with the general public (this just about includes folkies) is dangerous and would only confuse any politician attending. Tony Blair ignored this rule and look what happened.

PS.    I notice that on this communication you are spelling Blitherscum differently............... on your official "application to gather more than four people in one place at the same time" form it is spelt Blitherscum. We are now considering what action to take a punishment. A committee has been formed and we have selected John Leonard to plead your case so you are in safe hands.
   Notification of the committee's findings will be sent as soon as they have resolved the issue.

Regards

The Naked civil serpent


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 06:16 AM

Are you suffering from Thread Decay? Stop it in its tracks now with Wefts Improved Thread Restorer (By Appointment to HM Queen Barbara of Mercia).

Remove ugly shoulder chips with Murphy's Skin Tonic (By Appointment to HM King Edward).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 06:20 AM

It looks as though we may have a "guest" appearing to give us a rendition of that all time favourite (not)Child Ballad "Young Hunting".

Will there be a session/singaround programmed in as an alternative?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 06:42 AM

GUEST,NFA

"application to gather more than four people in one place at the same time"

I hadn't realised that this was a metaphysical festival. How many Blitherscrummers can dance on a pinhead?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 07:17 AM

"How many Blitherscrummers can dance on a pinhead?"

25

Although members of the flea circus morris team feel they could probably dance bean setting on two pins; one for the dancers and one for the musicians.

Yes, Sparticus did claim the 100th post after my invitation and stated that there were no hard feelings. A pity this was deleted. Perhaps the mudcat fairy could put it back?

Best wishes,

Peter

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 10:56 AM

Guest NFA, you are nearer the truth than you think when mentioning Blitherscum for in fact that is the name generally used by the townsfolk of Upton Ogood (a neighbouring village)to describe Blitherscrumians. This is thought to date back to the early years of the 17th Century and the Turnip "Wars". Root vegetables are a touchy subject in those parts even now.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 11:02 AM

"a touchy subject in those parts even now."

Oh my word yes!!

Touching on Roots music is dangerous too.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 12:10 PM

That explains a lot...an old friend of mine from Blitherscrum said he was moving back home to his roots.......
Getting near to Festival now so I hope you guys are prepared for an exciting time.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 12:19 PM

"moving back home to his roots."

Yes that would auld Gaarge who came home just in time for muck spreading ( by Eddie baker? ) and turmit 'oein'.

"the vly,the vly the vly be on me turmit"

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 12:25 PM

Was auld Gaarge the one who misunderstood the rules for the amusingly shaped vegetable competition and entered because he had a willy shaped like a turnip?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 01:03 PM

"because he had a willy shaped like a turnip?"

Yes but his wife (and she should know) explained things to the judges who said they couldn't see what Gaarge had got wrong, awarded him first prize and pinned a rossette on it.

Dave
ps his eyes have stopped watering know.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 05:35 PM

Well that's a turn up for the books asa they say. As they pinned it on ...what did they say? Just a little .....!
His wife never even twigged on what he meant all those years when he said he was going to plant his turnip..........
Whilst on the subject of turnips..what happened to spartiiicus?
or is it cabbage?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 12 Jun 07 - 08:49 PM

"or is it cabbage?"

Tis curly kale,boiled parsnips a girt dish o' taters a lump of fatty bacon and MY pint of good ale.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 02:41 AM

I hope you are going to sing that at the Festival...one of my favourites Dave. When a large contingent of folkies are together and all harmonising....great. Almost like being on this thread!!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 03:28 AM

In case I don't get the opportunity to un at the Festival here be the words:-

GLORIOUS ALE

cho:
Ale, Ale, Glorious Ale
Served up in pewter it tells its own tale,
Some folks like radishes
Some curleye kale
But give I boiled parsnips
And a great dish of taters
And a lump of fatty bacon
And a pint of good ale

When I was a young man my father did say,
Zummer's a-coming tis time to make hay.
Now when hay is carted don't you never fail.
To drink gaffer's health in a pint of good ale.

Now our MP's in parliament, our safety to keep
Now we hope now we've put un there, he won't sit and sleep
But they'll all have my vote if they never fail
To keep down the price of a pint of good ale

These are the words as I remember them from the other Festival wot I goes too.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 05:30 AM

Ale, Ale, Glorious Ale
Served up in pewter it tells its own tale,
Some folks like pottery
Some folks like glass
But give I a pint of bitter
That's served up in Plastic
And you can shove it up your ar*e

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 08:41 AM

Dave, haven't I heard you singing that song at Towelsea or was it in the Muddle Bar or maybe the Wailham Where? So many places, so much beer, so few brain cells !!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 09:07 AM

Thank'ee ver they wurds, tiz summat speshul that ther zong, speshully wen tiz zung way a Deb'mshur accent.
Ken 'ee tell as I wus born and braed een Deb'm me dears. Shure as I be a zittin' yer frunna me cumputer.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 09:30 AM

To the organisers of Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007, I wish to complain that since publicity for this event has materialised, the local Anagramaticists Association have pounced on your title and produced detrimental compositions which are seriously damaging my personal and business credibility in the area.

If you do not change the name of the event, I will be placing the matter in the hands of my solicitors.

Yours faithfully,


Oliver Truffles, Blacksmith

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 11:09 AM

Brilliant..love it!!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 11:48 AM

Local amateur meteorologist Darnley Sokkes has predicted fine weather over the festival period after a long consultation with his seaweed and pine cones. Unfortunately he has no way of knowing in which part of the country this weather will be.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 12:20 PM

I just asked the Meteorological office where the weather will be over the Festival period and they confirmed that weather will be everywhere. The did however say that there will be wind at the Festival...as Penny Wissell is coming and there could also be thunder and lightening because two bodhran players are also attending from the Met office. They make a lot of noise and enjoy sparking off each other.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mingulay
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 03:43 PM

"enjoy sparking off each other"

Sounds as though they're early for the Blitherscrum Erotic Fest which, of course, is not until Octember (according to the publicity leaflet I found in the bus shelter and had to carefully peel from the wall).

As a sweetener the Committee are sending two free tickets for the Saturday night Concert to Oliver Truffles and his partner Porcine O'Sercha. They have also sent some of the boys round to the Anagramatists to "tell them their future".

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 03:52 PM

By coincidence, The Anagramatists is the name of one of the ceilidh bands. They will intrigue the dancers with their unusual versions of familiar tunes. They play all the right notes, just in a different order.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 04:02 PM

The anagramatists...is that Tunc, Fynna, Cripk and Speni?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 04:09 PM

No, I think you're confusing them with BaBa. Good grief! They're not there as well are they? Remember their grate hit Portaloo?
Talking of which, what are the facilities going to be like this year?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 05:57 PM

I think the facilities were sort of covered briefly earlier in the thread.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: The Barden of England
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 06:07 PM

Ah so, those wonderful songs 'Super Pooper' and 'Will you smell tonight Elsano?' are going to rear their ugly 'Head' I see. Sure beats raw Aloe Vera!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 06:23 PM

Definitely just a 'flash in the pan' or we would all be driven 'round the bend'......we used to call a mate 'Harpic' because he was clean round the bend.....sorry I'll get my coat!
Best wishes, MIke.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 13 Jun 07 - 08:04 PM

Mingulay (Les me old pal me old beauty)

I have been present during the singing of Glorious Ale any number of times and so many festivals that you may have thought I have led the song.

However I have to confess that it is usually led by another of my Middle Bar mates and I just bellow out the chorus. I know the song but leave it to Tone to start it off.

See you at Alcester?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Splott Man
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 03:56 AM

I'm definitely going to the ceilidh with Pooping Tim with Mike Hunt calling.
I like his version of Wives of Tony, and his Cumberland Square Sausage is a sight to behold.
But watch out for the Sarcastic Circle.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 04:37 AM

Dave, this is Pete, Les nicked my name for his CD just because he used to be a dabtoe and ship's diver on the good vessel.By the way, there is no way he can be called a beauty old or otherwise. Maybe you were thinking of Les but envisaging Carys!!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mick Tems
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 04:53 AM

Tales that a bunch of Howells' Angels were setting off from Pontypridd, astride their huge Choppers, and were intent on breaking up the festival have been dismissed as just another ugly rumour.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Splott Man
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 06:08 AM

I used to have an ugly roomer when I was in college.


I think The Anagramatists' favourite dances are Nowballs and Quare Unscrambled 8.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mick Tems
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 06:25 AM

Excuse me, but aren't you one of that two bloody cheerful duo Leg Clamp and Cow Pat?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 06:40 AM

Wim Willips from Dresden will be there, selling his famous Inflatable fiddles. They sold so fast last year that many customers complained they couldn't get enough Saxon Violins.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 08:10 AM

Mingulay.

Sorry Pete got it wrong again.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 11:03 AM

Inflatable fiddles become weapons of mass destruction if you try to play "The Hen's March to the Midden".......

By the by....at the Outsbrook Folk Soiree Wim Willips was raised into the air by a sudden gust of wind and was last seen, wailing faintly, as he disappeared into the stratosphere. If you find the card from round his neck you might win a prize!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 11:43 AM

By jove, is Outsbrook still going? I was last there 1952. Left just after 8 o'clock and haven't been back since. Tempus sure does fugit at times.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 12:30 PM

Christoffel, Kimball, & Turves [Legal Eagles]

To the organisers of Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007, we are giving notice that for the reasons of distress experienced by Oliver Truffles, Blacksmith of OTT Workshops & reinforced by a recent letter from Vic Keller, Turboshaft Films; we have no option but to request that you as a body desist from using this particular combination of letters to promote your function.

Yours truly,

Kimball, Christoffel, & Turves

Cc

Vic Keller, Turboshaft Films
Oliver Truffles, Blacksmith

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 01:42 PM

I am sure this is the first ever legal action concerned with the Blitherscrum Folk Festival...although there have been an extraorinary amount of illegal ones at each Festival........ Eddie Baker has been informed and has promised to spread his own bit of good news amongst all the staff at Kimball,Christoffel & Turves.
It has been noted that Shanty Festivals are reaching their demise, so at Blitherscrum this year we will be truly honoured to have Shanty singers to carry on the tradition. It was also noted that Folk Clubs are collapsing so we have suggested starting a 'bricks and mortar' fund to replace them if they do.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 14 Jun 07 - 01:55 PM

"there have been an extraorinary amount of illegal ones at each Festival.."

Who was it spilt the beans?

(it made a right old mess in my tent and I want to know who to send the cleaning bill to)

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 02:49 AM

How many beans in a baked bean can?
How many beans in a can?
The answer my friend, is Blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Sung last year by Robbie Dylon.......colourful character who sings songs to 'dye' for.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: villandeleted
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 03:30 AM

Hot off the press

Villan will be holding a workshop for all hairy arsed, bearded morris men.

The workshop is called Cloning of Jake the peg - Rolf Harris style.

It is hoped that we can get 1 million morris dancers going out on the streets of England at the same time and all dancing Jake the peg style to get in the guinness Book Of Records.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 08:01 AM

In order to more accurately reflect the times we live in and to acknowledge current technology, the Guinness Book of Records will now be known as the Guinness Book of CD's. The trial run of the Guinness Book of Tapes just didn't measure up!

Environmentalists are up in arms about the prospect of 1 million sticks being cut for the event fearing the deforestation of some parts of the country.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 09:04 AM

That's interesting...the Blitherscrum Folk Festival site has a perimiter fence with 150 posts.......

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Trevor
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 09:23 AM

I was going to bring my vintage teepee to sleep in but I left it in Germany, with a marquee that is also part of collection. That means that my old and quaint tents have been forgotten and will never be brought from Mainz.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 09:28 AM

Don't worry, Millet's are having a sale. Now is the Summer of their discount tents.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Trevor
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 09:30 AM

I hear that top of the bill (or towards it anyway) is Rolf Harris performing extracts from his musical about a 17th century English diarist. He gets all dressed up apparently. Yes its.........all together now.......

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Spartiiiicus
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 09:56 AM

News just in from ace reporter Count Richard of Easby:

"Georgina Silver, formerly known as Mike and last seen in the Blitherscrum Arms declaring her undying love for a fine looking Swede, has been rushed into hospital to have a turnip removed from his/her arse. It was suggested that it be left there to prevent him/her talking from said orifice."

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 10:06 AM

...the Blitherscrum Folk Festival site has a perimiter fence with 150 posts.......

This is obviously in commemoration of the 150 Blitherscrum Martyrs who were burnt at the stake in 1382 for failing to pay their pole tax.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 11:23 AM

Isn't it strange that it is always Guests that turn their hand to personal name calling. I choose to ignore you guest spartiiicus, your ignorance supercedes even your knowledge.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 11:46 AM

Just heard that the grand finale of the torchlight procession will be Guest toasting, especially those with cod Latin/Greek names. Persons called El Greko excepted.

Don't worry Mike, he's obviously not well blessed in the trouser department!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Spartiiicus
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 12:04 PM

No one's trying to worry Mike and why you want to tell us about his trouser department is worrying. How did you come about this information?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 12:40 PM

You are right Mingulay inasmuch as Guest Spartiiicus is a woman...so not well blessed as you say. Demonstrating her ignorance yet again by misreading your post.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 12:46 PM

I'm a bit concerned that not much has been said about the catering apart from the Curry Ship and a brief mention of More on Toast. (It should be mentioned that More on Toast is run by the Salivation Army who will, of course, let the toast go free.)

Will the usual stalls be there?
Food for Fiends
Shane Hoose
Turnip'U'Like
Whale Meat Again

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 01:27 PM

Fish and chips will be served from the kiosk next to the village hall by 'King' Edward and Euphemia Codd-Fillet.
There will be workshops on how to make a sausage roll or an apple turnover and also how to make a Swiss roll....(actually we all know you only have to give them a shove).
Other food will be available on the campsite such as squid kebabs, Elephant burgers (jumbo sized)...Porcupines (or was it pork pies).
Baked hedgehog which is cooked in traditional clay ovens and come with their own toothpicks.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 03:44 PM

Richard the Spud will have his baked potato cart to sustain us all......Richard is a bit of a martinet and a control freak...I suppose you might call him the first dictator.......

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 Jun 07 - 04:05 AM

He's also a bit common though so perhaps we should think of him as a commontator! With all those potatoes his job certainly has appeal.
He has however never been known to have a chip on his shoulder.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 16 Jun 07 - 07:37 AM

Just had some really good Panda Passandra from the 'Endangered Animals Cafe' and the Real Turtle Soup was good too

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 16 Jun 07 - 06:07 PM

Have you tried the maxistrone?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jun 07 - 03:52 AM

Plenty of soup available at the Endangered Residents cafe on site.
Pigtail, Potato and leak(cider leaked onto the potatoes),
Thick Country Vegetable(made from a local)
Went to Rivelin Festival in Sheffield yesterday....afternoon concert and evening singaround...excellent...will go again next year..the atmosphere was superb. OOps back on track......you can have ordinary or garlic dread with the soup.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 17 Jun 07 - 06:36 AM

Didn't I see Real Shepherds Pie (with real shepherds) and Real Cottage Pie

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 17 Jun 07 - 07:30 AM

Real Shepherds Pie (with real shepherds)

The recipe is in the Hannibal Lecter Cookbook.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jun 07 - 12:14 PM

There is a great book about 'Cannibalism by Henrietta Mann.
mmmmmm cannibal jokes.....two cannibals eating a clown...one said to the other "Do you think this tastes funny"?
There was a cannibal who passed his brother in the desert.
Then there was the cannibal who toasted his mother in law on her birthday...........
Do you think we should have a silly joke session at Blitherscrum this year?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 17 Jun 07 - 03:35 PM

No...Blitherscrum is a serious festival for serious people!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 17 Jun 07 - 06:03 PM

Blitherscrum is a serious festival for serious people!

Serious? Critcal list nmore likely. Some of them probably need intensive care.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jun 07 - 06:26 PM

Only after the Shepherds pie made with real Shepherds.......
So how many 'mudcatters' are coming this year and are we having a mudgather at some point?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Folkiedave
Date: 17 Jun 07 - 06:33 PM

I am hoping to get the roadkill cafe concession.

My motto will be "I cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you".......

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Jun 07 - 04:18 AM

The guy who had the concession last year was prosecuted for using kangaroo meat as roadkill....in UK...no kangaroos....so where did he get it? We all knew it was kangaroo because it wouldn't stay on the plate.
News has just come in that Willie Trapp, the naked concertina player is in hospital again so might not make the Festival.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 18 Jun 07 - 06:33 AM

Willie Trapp, the naked concertina player is in hospital again so might not make the Festival.

Don't mention it if you see him; it's a sore point.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Jun 07 - 07:36 AM

ROFLOL

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 18 Jun 07 - 03:22 PM

Was he playing "Ring of Bells?"

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 Jun 07 - 11:08 AM

There were complaints last year about flies being round the toilet block....so a sign has been erected which reads "No flies allowed in the toilet area".
Last years poetry competition was for the best Rhyme...and was won by Thomas (Now to be known as Thomas the Rhymer). There will be another poetry competition this year and the theme will be blank verse. At another Festival apparently, when faced with this challenge, some contestants left their page blank....which is not really what we wanted.
Two new workshops this year:- 1) How to convert your banjo to a tambourine. 2) How to convert your bodhran to a long distance frisbee.
I think you will agree that both these workshops will be educational and well worth attending.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 20 Jun 07 - 02:28 AM

Late addition to Workshop series:-

Now that you have converted your banjo to a tambourine what next?

(If there are not enough takers for this workshop it will be combined with the Bodhran to Frisby workshop)

Shall I get me coat or should I bring it to the Fest?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 20 Jun 07 - 07:15 AM

WANTED!! Mingeta Patel is looking for donations of wool for her "Knit your own Lesbian" workshop which will be held in the small barn near the big dyke. Bring your own needles.

"What about the fringe" I hear you say. Well, when the Giro comes through I'll be straight off down to the barbers and have it trimmed.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Jun 07 - 09:02 AM

Is it not being held by the big dyke near the small barn then?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Doktor Doktor
Date: 20 Jun 07 - 11:54 AM

The one the Little Dutch Boy got caught with his finger in ?


PS Will there be a Mudsplat? I did so enjoy the Alabama rolls Jo Offal brought to the last one ...

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Jun 07 - 02:45 AM

Apparently Eddie Baker has offered to provide strawberries and cream this year with his own delicately flavoured chocolate topping...will not be too expensive. No complaints after his effort please as there was enough mudslinging last year.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,The Barden of England at work
Date: 21 Jun 07 - 07:41 AM

It's also been muted that Eddie Baker has been invited to join Simone Clair's latest update to the Edward series - Edward the Turd. They are feeling flushed at the moment.
Jhn Barden

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 21 Jun 07 - 07:52 AM

The strawberries are apparently grown with the topping already on them and are certified as being entirely organic. As a somewhat bucolic Mr Baker explained "Aaaarrrrrrr, proper stuff that boy, 'tis unnerd percent s**t. None o' they addytives".

It might also be noted that the entire crop is harvested by remote controlled machinery, the operators of which traditionally stand upwind of the strawberry beds.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 02:48 AM

I believe it ws featured on that programme "The crap jobs of old England"

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 04:13 AM

No Mike, you're confusing it with a similar series "The old jobs of crap England". Presented, I believe, by Tinny Robertson and featuring a man with a white beard and strange clothing (no, not Terry Silver).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 04:47 AM

"white beard and strange clothing (no, not Terry Silver)"

Although I match that description it wasn't me either.

Have you approached K Kringle who resides in the Frozen North and drives a caribou powered carriage without wheels?

I have heard that the Mr Kringle attends winter festivals wearing a distintive form of dress and singing something that sounds like Ho-Ho-Ho.

I'll get me coat

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 07:25 AM

The Granny Knot Historical Re-enactment Society will be performing their version of the Civil War action of 1645, the Battle of Blitherscrumb.

It will take place at 16.45 [a quarter to 5 pm] on Sunday afternoon.

As a lot of the grannies have either passed away or are incapacitated by double incontinence, Aldtimerz disease, war wounds or other incapabilities, new members are welcome.

The official Recruiting Sergeant will be conducting conscription sessions in Ye Olde Kingges Hedde and any new participants will be welcomed to the group by being given a shiny King쳌fs Shilling!

These are the only currency acceptable in Ye Olde Kingges Hedde & can be exchanged for quarts of mead or other traditional ales.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 08:34 AM

"SPECIAL ATTRACTION"

Saturday afternoon only at the "Institute" from 2 - 4, local performance artist Dandruffe Potts will be showcasing his seminal work "Blitherscrum in String". A heady mix of sound and light that will soon be winging its way to the Tate & Lyle.

".......brilliant, I now see string in an entirely new light". Diedre Fumble - Docker & Stevedore Monthly.

" I was amazed". Ymells Tarf - Prof. of Windology (Cleckheaton).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 01:28 PM

Should that be Ymells Traf....?
On the subject of wind..Puff daddy will not be coming...nor will Ivana Trump, which is quite a blow to us all.
Lyrics add:- New verse to 'Blowin' in the Wind' by Bob Dylan..... 'How many beans in a baked bean can, How many beans in a can...The answer my friend' etc etc.
Not long to go now...is everyone ready?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 01:33 PM

Cutna Discatoo will be making recordings if anyone wants to record their own CD at the Festival

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 11:25 AM

To whom it may concern, the following groups and individuals are preparing legal action against the originator of this thread, on the grounds that his chosen 'nom de guerre' is an anagram of their personal or business tiles.

The plaintiffs are:

Sir George Anvil- MP, JP,MA Ox, County Sheriff Blithershire


Revising Galore - 'Exam Success Guaranteed!!   

Vinegar Glories - 'Rare Condiments & Sauces Supplier'

Original Verges - 'Borderline Specialists'

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 11:51 AM

Don't worry about the weather forecast.

The Festival organizers have come to an arrangement with Glastonbury festival and will collect all the surplus mud they can carry.

Eddie baker only has one tanker so volunteers who can bring there own muck-spreader are asked to assemble by the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury with tanker,buckets,shovels,scoops of all sorts, glass slippers and any other mud gathering equipment.

Volunteering for this will count as Community Service for those sentenced to same following conviction for using a 'nom de guerre'that is an anagram of other notable persons.

Dave
(on behalf of no one at all really)

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 11:56 AM

I will be represented in any action by the famous and unbeatable 'Virgin Sal Gorse'....aided by 'avenger Sir Logi'

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mingulay
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 03:35 PM

Sareng Gloverig, the celebrated Hungarian Mystic and Palmist forsees an 'outcome'. When pressed on the matter he refused to comment further on the grounds of professional ethics. Cries of "mystic my arse" were ignored by M.Gloverig who remained aloof. It should be noted that he comes from a long line loofs starting with his Great Great Uncle Roderick, the man who designed the Loofitania.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 05:42 PM

If you do take action...my good friend "Vile Ginger Rosa" may exact retribution on any of you!!!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 05:47 PM

And should "Igor ever signal" you not to, you would be well advised to comply.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 05:52 PM

He will have your "Gregorian livers"

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 06:00 PM

200

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 05:49 AM

I recently heard some disturbing news that may impact of the catering.

Apparently, after intervention from Europe, there has been some difficulty with the provision of Leek and Potato soup.

It appears that when some members of the public have ordered "Leek and Potato" soup, they have, in fact, been served with "Leek and Po'a'o" soup. (and vice versa).

Following legislation, it is now only permissible to serve "Leek and Po'a'o" or "Leek and Pota'o" soup if you can show that the said pota'o or po'a'o was grown in the Thames Gateway area. I understand that some prosecutions are imminent and would wish to bring this matter to the attention of the organising committee in order that there should be no unpleasantness at the festival.

Best wishes,

Peter

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 06:03 AM

I understand that the Caterers will be making amendments to the Childrens menu.

H's and G,s will be dropped from the Alphbetti Spaghetti and Glottal Stops will replace some T's.

The catering staff feel that the educational value of these amendments will be appreciated by parents and children alike.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 07:42 AM

"Childrens Menu"

I never knew we had children on the menu!! How are they cooked? What side dishes go with them? Where are they sourced from, is it a sustainable source? Are Environmental Health aware?

Answers must be sought, innit.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 07:46 AM

Was it W.C Fields or someone else who said "I like children but I couldn't eat a whole one" ?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Splott Man
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 07:48 AM

I'm going to have the Tarka Masala, it's like chicken Masala but a a little 'otter.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 10:12 AM

Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007

Blitherscrum Urban District Council

FLOOD WARNING!! - DANGER ALERT!!


BEWARE -IMMINENT FLASH FLOODING IN THIS AREA!!


In the event of the campsite becoming flooded, you should run over the hills and far away, failing this, seek shelter in nearby Blitherscrum Folly situated on top of Blithersbury Tor, [height158 m (518 ft)]

Inflatable dinghys are available for hire from the Stewards Tent on top of Blithersbury Tor.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 10:53 AM

If owing to the floods en-route to Blitherscrum, you find yourself unable to cross.....can I suggest you find a handsome boatman to row you over.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 11:12 AM

'...........but the water is wide, and I can't cross over,
and neither have I wings to fly...' - '.but give me wings like Noah's dove, ....then I'll dance on down that Walker shore!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 11:26 AM

Can I avoid the crowd on the Tor if I bring my own water-wings?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 11:46 AM

Owing to a severe depression over Blitherscrum caused mainly by it having to own up to actually being Blitherscrum, there is a distinct possibility of it raining or getting dark before tomorrow morning. The ditches are already overflowing mainly due to the lack of adequate toilet facilities on the camp site and campers are asked not to deposit no.2's as they are having a damming effect downstream.

"FOOD WARNING" Do not eat the so called hot dogs!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 12:14 PM

Luckily, the marquee has built-in bouyancy bags:


MARQUEE


'..there she blows!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 05:04 AM

...At last...some good news!

The Marquee has just won the Admiral's Cup in the Blitherscrum-on-Sea Annual Regatta!

Not only will this raise the profile of Blitherscrum, but also provide a boost to the festival funding after the presentation of the prize money of £32,000.

It is rumoured that the Marquee is being considered for the next Tall Ships race......

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 05:44 AM

"being considered for the next Tall Ships race"

The winner of the Blitherscrum Annual Shanty singing competition will be appointed Shantyman-in-Chief for the Tall Ship race (should the marquee enter).

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: The Barden of England
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 05:54 AM

And seeing that all ships must have a name perhaps the 'Marquee de Sade' might well do - although being from Blithersrum it should be the 'Marquee de Sad'.
John Barden

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 06:25 AM

In preparation for the impending 'no smoking ban' the committee of the Festival have also agreed to ban smokey bacon crisps, smoked salmon, smoked cheese and anyone singing Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: The Barden of England
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 06:46 AM

They need to be careful in banning 'On Top of Old Smokey' as the aforemention Bltherscrum Tor has been found to be (after a geological survey) a dormant volcano. Therefore any banning of 'On Top of Old Smokey' may well upset Vulcan and his mates. You have been warned!
John Barden

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 07:57 AM

Just goes to show what geologists know. The Tor did indeed produce smoke but was never a volcano. It is, in fact, the last remaining remnant of the once mighty commercial empire that was Ebenezer Crudworths Smokeworks. At its height in the 1890's there were 7 such chimneys belching out the finest thick, black, choking smoke in the whole of Victorian England. By not having to worry about any other associated manufacturing process, Crudworth was able to concentrate his efforts on smoke alone and became a major supplier of condensed smoke to the Empire. Wherever the map of the world was shaded red colonial officials could open a tin of Crudworth's finest and be immediately transported back to good old Blighty. Alas, fortunes declined after the 14/18 war and in 1925 Lungrot Crudworth, Ebenezer's only son, was forced to close the works and sell the land to pay off his gambling debts.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 08:17 AM

In view of the total inundation of the festival site by flood waters, the committee have decided to rename the event.

It will now be known as ' Blitherscrum Folk & Boat Festival'

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 08:38 AM

The locals have always known it as the Folk'n Festival anyway!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 10:11 AM

Due to the prevailing floods, The Granny Knot Historical Re-enactment Society will be performing their version of the Civil War action of 1645, the Battle of Blitherscrumb; with the kind assistance of Wing Chang Lu's Champion Chinese Dragon Boats.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 11:45 AM

Blitherscrum Folk & Boat Festival 2007 wishes to thank the following sponsors for their generous support:



Blitherscrumb United Gardeners Group Enterprise Raspberry Suppliers [B.U.G.G.E.R.S.]

Blitherscrumb Associated Sports Team Archery Research Development Service.

[B.A.S.T.A.R.D.S.]

Blitherscrumb Independent Godly Church Ladies Information Technology Society.

Blitherscrumb Undenominational Missionarys [B.U.M.]

& many others

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 Jun 07 - 04:19 PM

If any flood rescue is required..please phone [phone] and ask for Laura Boht....

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 27 Jun 07 - 04:13 AM

It has been reported that Eddie Baker has been looking rather worried of late. Apparently all the recent water is affecting his primary business because (a) it is diluting his supplies and (b) because nature in the way of inundations is doing his job for him.

In an effort to reverse the situation Mr Baker has reportedly consulted local witchdoctor and transvestite Dolly Peggs who has recommended the wearing of a pigeon feather suit and anointing the head with essence of cod roe.

Mr Baker was, today, unavailable for comment as his wife has sent him to the dry cleaners.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 Jun 07 - 02:00 PM

When I phoned her she said he was getting his hair done...whatever that means.
It looks like postponement of the Festival is likely as the flooding has reached the depths...or is it heights.
Manure flavoured water everywhere at the site....so Laura said it looks like urine trouble...I said no faeces..not urine. She insisted..she kept saying 'Urine trouble'..........

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mingulay
Date: 27 Jun 07 - 05:07 PM

Urine more trouble than you think mate. Eddie has been pressing his wife for the name of the person who keeps on ringing her as he suspects that she is having some sort of illicit liason with an itinerant folk type person. He was going to get some of his acolytes to "have a word" then realised that he didn't have any, so he's sending acoheavies instead!

The Festival Committee have reacted to the flooding danger by moving their meetings to the upstairs room of the Gargling Goat to save the beer being watered down anymore than it is now. Landlord Harry Piddles had no comment when asked about the affair except to say "they can cast as many nasturtiums as they like, I'm 71 you know". Students of etymology are even now studying the statement for any trace of sense or meaning. Mr Piddles is now to be the subject of a programme by the well known hairstyle Melvyn Bragg.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Jun 07 - 02:38 AM

Well he needn't think he is going to start spreading any crap around about me!! Having an affair with his mrs indeed.....

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 28 Jun 07 - 06:22 AM

I hear the Blitherscum Underwater Morris and Rapper Team are to make their debut.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 28 Jun 07 - 06:26 AM

I guess they'll be dancing "Bonny Green Gastank" and "Young Codlings" as well as "King of swells" then?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 28 Jun 07 - 07:59 AM

I wonder if there's someone in Mudcat land who can check on obscure laws and statutes (or even obscene statues). The reason I ask is because I seem to remember that a Town Ordinance was issued in 1475 during the reign of Good Queen Danny that specifically forbade any form of the terpsichorean arts within three groats of the seventeenth Monday after Michaelmas Eve unless early closing fell on a Wednesday. The ordinance was aimed at Danny's youngest daughter Princess Lionel, who had theatrical leanings and a pair of secondhand tap shoes.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Jun 07 - 11:03 AM

History suggests that she had new taps put on her shoes but they kept wetting her feet so her feet shriveled and her leanings were more over to the left than the right.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 02:21 AM

Due to further rain the Festival is now cancelled for this year.
Perhaps next year we can have the same kind of fun planing the next one.
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 08:26 AM

".....planing the next one".

Oooooh, are the Red Arrows coming?



Nice one Mike, look forward to next year.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 09:00 AM

Thanks Mike,

Include me in for next year.

Dave
(I love a bit of silliness)

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 06:20 PM

Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007 Revived by Gobhoblin!



"Gobhoblin Music was shocked and saddened by the cancellation, we are urgently looking into the possibility of setting up a Gohgoblin weekend of music offering pub sessions, live music and dances centered on the Blitherscrum Town Hall. It is too early to be specific but we hope to have something in place very soon to
alleviate the disappointment of festival goers and to ensure that there is continuity of live music over this weekend in Blitherscrum. We wish the Blitherscrum Folk Festival organisers good luck in getting the festival back on track next year."

--
Sir George Anvil
Gobhoblin Music

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 07:08 PM

Sir George Anvil...you would make a good foundation on which to hammer out next years plans.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 30 Jun 07 - 03:27 PM

.....and as the town band finishes with a rousing rendition of "Blitherscrum Oh Blitherscrum..." the locals settle down in their ingle nooks and tea shops, happy now that the threat of invasion by scores of grockles is safely past. Once more there is little to disturb the even tenor of their days....the shutters are up...the curtains drawn...the Town Hall well barricaded...pitchforks well sharpened....roll on next year.....

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 30 Jun 07 - 04:41 PM

Blitherscrum Oh Blitherscrum,
Nobis semper sit amor,
Nos perituri, mortem salutamus,
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Sola resurgit vita.

Translated:-
Blitherscrum Oh Blitherscrum,
Love be with us always,
We who will perish salute death.
Life alone goes on.

(Courtesy Cat Stevens 'O Caritas')

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk & Boat Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 12:16 PM

Latest News!

Blitherscrum Folk Festival has been redesignated Blitherscrum Folk & Boat Festival & will take place on August Bank Holiday.

Owners of narrow boats are invited to attend & can access the festival site via the all new canal created by the recent inundation of the A41 which now connects the A49 to the A1[M], all points north,south,east & west & links to the canal network at most junctions.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 01:10 PM

Should the floods not have subsided by then....floating rubber beds have been made available for the indoor camping area. Narrowboats are not narrow enough to negotiate the doorway so they will have to be parked next to the flooded sewerage plant. Dinghys are available for all guests but guitars and banjos will have to be used for paddling them as there are no oars. Sea biscuits, complete with realistic fake weevils are being supplied free so no-one need go hungry due to the closure of the local shop.
Bread will also be made available to feed the sewer rats which have emerged from the drains since the flood...well you need to keep them happy don't you?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 04:07 PM

Oh goody

The festival is revived.

Just when I was beginning to think the money I spent on water wings had been wasted.

Will the program be printed on waterproof paper?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,nfa
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 05:31 PM

Well I have driven through the floods to get here......................where the ******* are the rest of you!!!!


Please tell me the sat nav is not playing up again!!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 06:38 PM

Go back about three or four posts and you will see that the Festival is at August Bank Holiday...so I guess you are a little early...you can wait there if you want

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 06:45 PM

But it was cancelled due to rain. How do you know it's going to rain on August Bank Holiday?

Oh! Sorry. Silly me.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 03:46 PM

"How do you know it's going to rain on August Bank Holiday?"

This is an English Bank Holiday Monday we are talking about here. If it didn't rain....we'd want our money back!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 03:54 PM

Blitherscrum is flooded now and drainage systems are poor so it stands to reason it will be still flooded them....... hope you understand that...hope it's not too deep for you!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 07:55 PM

hope it's not too deep for you!

I'm only five foot six.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 03:18 AM

That's pretty tall for a snail...but you would survive the floods anyway...snails do! The good news is the flood is slowly draining at last so let's hope for no more rain (That is supposed to be a joke....just like English weather).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 27 Jul 07 - 07:15 AM

That's pretty tall for a snail

You only see me curled up.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 29 Jul 07 - 09:09 AM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_African_land_snail

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 29 Jul 07 - 09:24 AM

Yeah, I used to be "a serious agricultural pest" but with rising house prices because of the second homes market I had to move into town.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Smedley
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 02:50 AM

I couldn't agree more.