BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!

Subject: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 11:42 AM

This is from Sunday's big rally for the PPA in Denver, Colorado:

Chongo Chimp said today that all primates in the world have been insulted by the many popular pictorial comparisons of George Bush to various chimpanzees that have been seen of recent years in political cartoons and on the Internet.

"That man in no way resembles a Chimpanzee OR a monkey!" thundered Chongo as he addressed an enormous gathering of apes and monkeys at an arena in Denver, Colorado. "He looks more like the Missing Link to me! (This drew much laughter and hooting from the enthusiastic crowd.) "To say that he does resemble Chimps or Monkeys is rank specism, and it's an insult to all self-respecting primates. Furthermore, he is not America's "first chimp in the White House", as some foolish people have been irresponsible enough to label him."

"But I bet you can tell me who IS going to be the first Chimp in the White House..." yelled Chongo. The response was defeaning as 135,000 or more apes and monkeys went into a frenzy, chanting "CHONGO! CHONGO! CHONGO! CHONGO!" over and over again. The chanting went on for a full minute and a half and raised a ruckus that could easily be heard 15 or 20 blocks away.

It looks like the brief scandals of Gorilla Gate and Blonde Circus Dame Gate that had Chongo's campaign hurting badly a few weeks back have now been securely put to rest as apes and monkeys nationwide have put aside their differences and have united in a solid front to make Chongo Chimp president of the United States.

How will this affect Obama's and McCain's chances in November? It's hard to say, but my guess is that they are both far more concerned about it than they are prepared to admit.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 11:55 AM

You're right about that. I sent hardball letters demanding a response tot he Primate threat to both McCain and Obama campaign HQs, redflagged for immediate response and a possible damage-control situation. Both of them acted as thoguh nothing had happened, or they had never heard of CHongo.

What kind of candidates are these, who don't even stay abreast of current events, however fantastic those events may be? Oh, fie, fie! O, tempura! O, morays!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 11:59 AM

Ook ook whaaa ook whaaa!!! Phhhhttt!!!*

* For those who understand it, no translation is necessary. For those who don't understand it, no translation is possible.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Megan L
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 02:46 PM

SKELP. Granny Dom's normal response tae onything she disy understaun. When in doubt Skelp if they didny deserve it this time they are sure tae have done somethin in the past tae deserve it.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:02 PM

Moray tempura...yummy, for those who like it.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:02 PM

I should have mentioned that it makes me eel.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:17 PM

Megan, Ah've been wonderin'...could ye see fit tae send me a comprehensive glossary of aw' the best Scottish dialect worrds and phrases? I wuid then be bet'er prepaird tae respond in kind whin yer Granny starts carpin' aboot this or that. And I wuid also be mair able tae drive people aroond these parts daft wi' mah Scottish imitations! ;-) Do it now, lass. Time's a wastin'.

PM me wi' a full list.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:41 PM

Ach, noo, Megan. Just send yon kipper a guid Skelp for his uppiness...


A

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Megan L
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:44 PM

boys boy if you do not speak properly you will all be in frightful bother ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 04:08 PM

They are already both frightful bothers.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 04:55 PM

I might have missed it, has Chongo chosen a running (pri)mate yet?
I'd be very interested in hearing his choice for Veep.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 05:30 PM

Too much monkey business in government these day.....

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 06:21 PM

The real question is whether Chongo will pick an ape, a monkey or a human being for his running mate. Much hinges on that decision. And will he pick a male or a female ape, monkey or human being?

He risks offending some constituency no matter which way he goes, and isn't that typical of politics? The smart money says it won't be another chimp, but more likely a gorilla or an orangutan from the Deep South.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 06:26 PM

Betcha he picks that leggy blond dancer from Harry's Place on State Street in Chicago.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 06:32 PM

Chongo for president of US I say...he couldn't make a worse job than......oops be careful what I say here being a Brit!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 07:10 PM

Ook ook weee!

Translation: Bertha for Veep!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 07:21 PM

I didn't know Chongo spoke Denver - what other US dialects can he speak?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 07:28 PM

He's quite fluent in New Yawk and Downtown Chicagoese.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 11:02 PM

Lissen, dat punk chimp can't talk no Chicago cuz he ain't from Illinoy, see? Now if he wuz from Illinoy he'd know how to talk good, but he ain't so dat's dat.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 17 Jun 08 - 04:13 PM

I think a very wise, female, silverback would make a great running (pri)mate for Chongo. Someone who's had a family and a career, is involved in the community and can crush any idiot unwise enough to piss her off!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 08 - 04:25 PM

Sounds just along the lines of what I was thinking, CC.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 08 - 04:28 PM

Chongo and Hillary?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Megan L
Date: 17 Jun 08 - 04:50 PM

Sorry Granny Dom is busy keepin certain mudfolk in order

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 04:25 PM

AIn't gonna happen. Chongo's flatulence is irreconcilable with any other large mammal's respiratory process.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 04:27 PM

That's just the sort of scurrilous inuendo I would expect to hear from a paid agent of the Obama campaign.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 04:34 PM

LOL, LH...obviously you have spent your days at a safe distance from Chongo's derriere. Even his sister Chinga assumes an expression of profound disgust when he stands up wind.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 09:06 PM

You're just bitter because you know your man is losing ground daily to the rising fortunes of Chongo and the APP. ;-) As for McCain, he's deader than last year's old, stale pizza. It's gonna be a REAL chimp in the White House this time, man!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 09:27 PM

Tell Chongo not to accept any cruises on that boat "Monkey Business". We already lost one election because of it!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo speaks in Denver!
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 09:35 PM

More monkey business, aping his predecessors, eh? A real swinger this time, a little tail? Or maybe a real knuckle-dragger....