BS: Those dreaded crabs

Subject: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Charley Noble
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 10:04 PM

Here's the latest report: Click here for article

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 11:04 PM

I don't dread crabs.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Peace
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 11:37 PM

THIS thread I DO understand. However, Charley Noble's link misses a few fast ways to kill crabs. One involves gasoline and an ice pick. For details, please message me.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Gurney
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 11:55 PM

Old Mike Harding joke:

Two boys were arguing, and the teacher asks why.
"You sort it out, sir! What's the difference between crabs and lobsters?
"Well, crabs walk sideways."
"There you are, mate! I TOLD you they were lobsters that you had!"

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Genie
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 11:55 PM

Charlie, when I click your link I get asked for a password. What gives?

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Cluin
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 12:21 AM

My 9th grade Phys Ed. teacher told us how to get rid of crabs.

You dump a fifth of rye in your pubes, then throw a handful of sand in your crotch.

The crabs get drunked up and stone each other to death.



Yeah, we thought so too...

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 03:15 AM

Well someone had to,

It's no use standing on the seat,
The crabs in here can jump six feet,
It's no use going round next door,
The crabs in there jump even more.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 03:35 AM

Memories of Derek Brimstone:-

And now a little folksong entitled, 'Don't go down to the shrimp boats mother, cos father's coming home with the crabs...'

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 05:14 PM

Well, I thought I'd get a good haul with this one! Instructive too.

Thanks!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 05:23 PM

Ah! So you deliberately set a crab trap!

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 05:39 PM

I love the typo on the right hand side... about Public Lice treatment....

Surely they should be treated the same in public as they are in private?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 05:44 PM

And now it's musical.

The moral of that tale - always have a shufti* before you have a pee.

LTS

*shufti or shufty. Allegedly British Military slang for a brief glance; a quick look.'

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: frogprince
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 05:54 PM

The variant on Erics's verse that I saw, in a pizza joint bathroom near Northwestern University, was:
"Stand on stilts, protect your meat;
The crabs in here can jump six feet".

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 02:29 PM

You gotta realize that I'm from Maryland (pronounced MURR-lin) the Land of Pleasant Living, where "Hey Babe, I got Crabs" is considered a pickup line. (and a dern effective one too!)

};-(

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 03:34 PM

Washroom Grafitti, from the past:
Don't throw tooth picks in Urinals, crabs can pole vault.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 03:38 PM

Hopefully, not oe of these:
http://www.projectufo.ca/drupal/Chinese_Mitten_Crab


http://www.projectufo.ca/drupal/European_Green_Crab

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Dead Horse
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 01:40 PM

Blue Unction

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Will Fly
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 02:09 PM

LTS:
*shufti or shufty. Allegedly British Military slang for a brief glance; a quick look.'

Yup - "forces" slang for a look. Taken from the Arabic. So "shufti bint" meant "look at the girl" (I won't attempt to translate "shufti kush" for you...)

My father came back from 5 years in the RAF - much of it in Egypt - in 1946, with these phrases constantly on his lips. And the little English/Arabic Arabic/English phrasebook issued by the military came back with him. I used to look over it as a little boy. I could count in Arabic at one time, but all I can remember now is "wahed, etnein, talata..."

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 02:19 PM

I guess it would be better to have lobsters on your piano than crabs on your organ

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: gnu
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 02:22 PM

And pecker tracks on yer zipper.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 06:49 PM

Or vice-versa.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 07:53 PM

I knew it had origins other than the British Military which is why I put 'allegedly', knowing Wikipediment's idea of accuracy.

Couldn't decide if its origins were Middle Eastern, Asian or Romany but if you say Arabic, then that's fairly reasonable... the British Army has done more than its' fair share of meddling in Middle Eastern politics over the centuries.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 07:42 AM

Blue unction has only one function :
It's used for the killing of crabs
Which some calls the "mechanised dandruff"
And others the "Sandy McNabs".

A 2% solution of mercuric chloride (aka corrosive sublimate) in alcohol and water sorts them out in 24 hours.

I have been told that shaving off does the trick.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 01:50 PM

Yet more 'perishing' crabs!
And: With lyrics!

Cheers
Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Dead Horse
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 06:39 PM

"I have been told that shaving off does the trick."
Shavin off what????
Seems a bit drastic.
Yet more crabs

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Dec 08 - 03:47 AM

Thanks for that Dead - I startled the whole family by guffawing in a manner unbecoming a TV star like what I am!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Ed T
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 09:00 PM

Super Clap:

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Health/Gonorrhea+super+emerging+Canada+study/1246443/story.html

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 09:34 PM

I read recently that mayonaisse will rid you of the pests and condition your hair as well.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 11:10 PM

Hope they don't look like this!

Get enough together and they're excellent eating. ewwww

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 06:20 AM

Crabsolutely: When you absolutely have crabs. Source, Urban Dictionary

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: EBarnacle
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 11:18 AM

The one time I caught crabs, I ended up shaving, using blue ointment and boiling my underwear to get rid of them. It still took a couple of weeks. I am really thankful they were only pubic lice, as I had really grown attached to my beard by then.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: frogprince
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 11:34 AM

"I read recently that mayonaisse will rid you of the pests and condition your hair as well. "

If I were really crude, I might mention that it also makes snacks tastier...

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: topical tom
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 11:43 AM

Simple solution-quit crabbing.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 11:51 AM

Should boiling ones underwear be cross-listed under idle thoughts?

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: EBarnacle
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 12:17 PM

I assure you it was not idle. It was an effort to kill the determined little bastards and destroy their eggs.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Rasener
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 12:43 PM

Is that why Michael Jackson is always grabbing his crutch and jumping about all the time.

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: olddude
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 01:40 PM

this is a true story I swear. A buddie of mine in Vietnam got them. So he goes to the first sargent, He tells him, well you could go to the medical tent but me I would go over to the supply hut and just dump a can of ddt on them that will get rid of em ... well he went for the supply hut ... start screaming cause it was burning so bad so he runs in the shower,

well the water truck never came so there was only a drop of water coming out ...

Lucky there was lots of beer!!

Ouch

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 02:16 PM

Would the first crab species be called a craboriginal? Or was this actually the first aboriginal person to fish crabs?

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: 3refs
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 02:48 PM

My first and only experience was during a stay in The Don Jail, in Toronto. Now you all know why I hate the city!

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: 3refs
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 02:49 PM

In 1974!

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 02:53 PM

Michael Jackson uses a crutch?
So glad the frog chose not to be crude...


And the ad below reads: Fresh Alaskan King Crab

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: GUEST,Daniel
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 11:18 PM

There was a young woman from Hitchin,
Who was scratchin' her crotch in the kitchen.
Her mother said, "Rose,
It's the crabs, I suppose?"
Rose said, "Yep, and the buggers are itchin'"

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: skipy
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 06:12 PM

The first uniforms of the newly formed Royal Air Force where made from blue material originally destined for Russia. On the march past of 1 April 1919 the saluting naval officer handing over control of troops to become the RAF remarked (quietly) that they looked like "crabs", due to the colour being the same as the cream, to this day & for many more decades I hope, we are still referred to as "crabs" by the RN. We, do have other terms for them of course!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Rowan
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 07:21 PM

Now, where's the benzyl benzoate when you need it?

Liz's link to the song reminded me of another music hall gem concerning a lobster, of which the only words I can remember are from the chorus;

Roll tiddly ol,
tiddly I bust,
never let your dingle
dangle in the dust.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 07:41 PM

Rowan-

That's an alternative chorus to "The Old She-Crab" which has been discussed extensively in other threads but I was tempted as well to post a version here.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Rowan
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 07:57 PM

Thanks, Charley. I now remember the opening lines of the song I referred to;

Good morning Mr Lee, good morning Mr Lee,
Have you got a lobster you can sell to me?

The rest has a similar plot line to The Old She-Crab but is a different song; surprisingly, I could find no reference to it on Mudcat. I must be doing something wrong. Again.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: Those dreaded crabs
From: Peace
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 08:00 PM

"I have been told that shaving off does the trick."

Don't ever believe that, Bryn.