BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008

Subject: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 03:13 PM

Sage pulls up in the gravel parking lot outside the Mudcat Tavern, the drifts of sweet-smelling fallen leaves have been beaten down by several rain storms and icy nights, and it smells like snow. The air is cold and a few flakes are drifting non-committally through the air.

Pushing open the heavy wooden tavern door, she sees a gentle glow emanating from the room. "Good, they cleaned up after themselves the last time," she thinks.

Someone has been here before her--there, in the corner, hangs a beautiful tree. Trees have hung in the tavern before, and this one is using the same block and tackle pulley equipment that has suspended and even swung past trees. Unlike the others that occasionally swung wildly like lethal weapons, discreet guy wires run from the bole to the walls to stabilize this lovely fir. The lights glow and ornaments twinkle. Cats will probably stay free of this trees and ducks will go unnoticed.

Moving around behind the bar, Sage opens the stainless steel door of the large commercial refrigerator and places several pounds of Nova smoked salmon, sent by a friend who found a great Anacortes, WA, fish site online and sent a lifetime supply. This salty smoked salmon will go a long way to treat the holiday visitors who come to drink and sing and cavort in the tavern this holiday season.

Tires crunch on the driveway as another pulls into the lot. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,The Giant Squid
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:08 PM

You think only humans know how to type and use html?

Wonderful smells waft from the kitchen as I, moi, le squid gigantic, bakes, yes! bakes fancy little cookies for all of my dear friends in the tavern. I have learned so much through the years.

For example;

There is no cat hair in these cookies. No duck feathers, eider. I can even make puns!

Someone closed down the jello pit again and filled it with another hot tub. That water is a little too warm so I had a 3000 gallon plastic tank delivered to the back door of the tavern. I will retreat to my salty tank when the urge strikes.

Ding! Ah ha! Another batch of spritz ready to cool.

And do try my krumkake. This is a cookie that is particularly suited to my extra limbs. I can roll the cookies at the same time I'm putting the next one on the iron, speeding the process.

Yrs truly,

Squid

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:18 PM

Ah, someone opened the right door in the Advent Calendar and found the place again.

I've got a Christmas tit on my tree... although it's masquerading as a chickadee... thanks Jacqui, sorry I missed you!

Pull up a comfy chair, pour me a drink of something cool and fruity and I'll take a little nap.. it's been one of those days.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:20 PM

A tiny mouse creeps from under the bar. In his mouth is a large, by comparison, piece of plastic. He climbs up to the bar with a tremendous effort and deposits his gift next to the register - it is Bert's credit card.
Then the little guy scurries back to his hole in the wall gleefully awaiting the crumbs and bits sure to fall his way very soon.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: ranger1
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:56 PM

The Little Ranger staggers in, shaking snow everywhere.

I'll have something of the single-malt persuasion, please.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: artbrooks
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 06:02 PM

Ah...the place is open already! Where is that guaranteed-nothing-ever-gets-stale black-hole breadbox? OK...over there next to the reefer. I see that Sage brought the lox - here's six dozen hot fresh bagels to go with; two dozen plain, two dozen onion, a dozen green chili and a dozen cinnamon-raisin. That should calm the hunger pangs for a bit. Lets see, there was something else...oh yeah {he reaches into the other pocket of his parka and feels around}...no, that's the jar of olives...here it is. {He pulls out a gallon container of cream cheese (and none of that low-fat crap, either) and puts it into the refrigerator. Is there any Irish Coffee?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 06:41 PM

I have been misinformed. The Perpetrator of the Christmas Tit (or Chickadee) has been identified and thanked personally. Thanks to all involved in its delivery!

To those who are still confused, the US Chickadee is almost identical to the UK Great Tit, a relative of the smaller and more flamboyant Blue Tit, and the shy Coal Tit. Examples of all 3 species have been living in and around my garden for several years now and feature heavily in many threads. None though, appear to be wearing Santa hats... as my new acquisition is.

I hope the chocolate truffles have been delivered, I ordered them online using Bert's card again... he seems to have avoided the Vue BSL scam so far, although he does appear to have seen 'Kung Fu Panda' more times than strictly necessary...

Apparently hairy chests are 'in' this year so I'm off to dream of running barefoot through Sean Connery again...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MAG
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 07:30 PM

Oh goody; a Tavern. Just what I need. I just got back in from shoveling the walk yet AGAIN and could use congenial company and a nice break.

Here we come a wassailing, anybody? we can do a major pub crawl all right here.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MAG
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 07:35 PM

Oh, yeah, I brought the truffles. and hot steak stew, for those who need to warm up inside.

Although that Irish coffee sounded like a good idea ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 08:26 PM

Is there any mulled cider here, the kind with a kick? I'll have some of that to sip while I work. (I don't have a giant squid at my place so I have to bake my cookies two-handed one batch at a time.)

It looks like it's snowing a lot harder and sticking. Good thing we have experienced shovelers here. I wonder of MMario is snowed in or if he'll appear and do our heavy duty roasting out back?

Shuffles back out the southwestern door because the timer is going off again. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: artbrooks
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 08:55 PM

Isn't the southwestern door my door? Ah, that Irish coffee went down good. Herself just came back from a Celtic singing practice with a bunch of leftover pasties for my supper. I thought that they were dessert, but she said, "oh no, they are savory, not sweet". I gather that, in the world of bakers, "savory" means something other than "tastes good"... Anyway, I'll be making use of that door with the movable exit...we are off to Old San Antone mañana to see the new grandkid. Hey squid - do you make snickerdoodles?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 09:02 PM

From the northeast door comes a very cranky Mainiac "from away". F**kin' plow just dumped 3-4 feet of crap in my driveway. No sign of snow slowing. SIGH!

JD on the rocks with a twist and keep them coming.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Janie
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 11:29 PM

Oooh, wonderful tree! Unusual ornaments, too. I've never seen a tree done up in sea creatures before.

Just a nice cup of tea for now please. It was sunny and warm this afternoon in the 'southern part of heaven,' but the temperature has dropped now into the low 50's and the wind is starting to blow.

Why are you glaring at me like that, Sins?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 01:13 AM

Art, it is the same door. But savory should be something to savor, not something to complain about. Savory might go with a nice rich Cabernet Sauvignon or a strong German beer. Do you think you could manage that? I know we have those refreshments here at the Mudcat Tavern.

The tree was up when I came in; I have a few nice kugels that can go on it, but once you point it out I do see a lot of great shells and sea-shapes. It couldn't be that our old friend the gian. . .

Naw, not the squid, do you think?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: open mike
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 02:46 AM

i shall share a treat from sweden...i just had some spread on a hard tack cracker and it makes the rye knäckebröd so much more palatable...
caviar in a tube...squeeze it on!!
http://www.northerner.com/html/mat-fi-abba-kallesrandiga.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Egg_sandwich.jpg

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Knaeckebroed.jpg

and as long as we are being so hard on the fish already,
how about some pickled herring??

yum..

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 08:18 AM

I can't manage the twist - will a macarena do?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 08:57 AM

Since El Squido sems to have taken over the kitchen; I'm going to relax and have a super-expresso-kalua-mocha and some of those chocolate covered coffee beans. Then a nap.

I'm exhausted - yesterday as ny annual proposal/engagement. Of couse we never get to 1843 which is when the wedding is planned - so will have to repeat the courtship again next Decemeber..

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 09:28 AM

Liz...have you brought some of that gorgeous chocolate and orange desert with you? That was a seriously good pud!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 09:37 AM

My Christmas tit is now hanging on my desk lamp at work, next to my Danish troll and the black and silver jester, just in front of the picture of nekkid Sean Connery... I love my desk!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 11:16 AM

HMMMMMMMMMM Anyone else notice that those ornaments are moving? Live crabs and lobsters - nice touch. But won't they stink when they die?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 12:05 PM

EWWWWW Those garlands are eels. this is just plain nasty. Although the starfish on the top is a nice touch. And the electric eels lights look great.

That tree appears to be a sushi bar. heh heh

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 12:51 PM

Maybe it is meant to be dipped in that tank periodically to keep the critters alive. Interesting concept, Mr. Squid! Unplug the lights before you dip it though, or you'll have instant seafood stew.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 01:02 PM

Those lights are electric eels. Very energy efficient. And that explains the hanging tree. Dip and go. Hope the guy wires hold.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 05:04 PM

But mind the sponges don't suck up all the water first....

Lovely the way the seahorses hang themselves on the branches without needing any of those little plastic hooks.

LTS


















Oh how I wish I had the time and skills to photoshop that image!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 05:08 PM

That's an awful lot of water for sponges, I think the tree will be fine.

That squid can really cook! Did you see the scones he turned out a few minutes ago? Orange a cranberry and he even put orange icing on tope. Amazing. Let me have a snifter of amaretto please and I'll stay on the dessert track for a little while.

Look, there are fresh towels for the hot tub! Nice!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MAG
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 11:28 AM

Hot tub! Oh, hot tub!

It is snowing outside my house again and I NEED to break away to the Tavern for awhile.

2 hours before I have to be at work; getting there should be interesting.

Too cold to sing. Brrr!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: lady penelope
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 02:17 PM

Cider with a shot of green ginger wine in it karbeep!

I can't get to grips with this weather. One minute it's cold, then it's warm, now it's gone cold again.....

I'll finish me nip and get Parker to chase me round the house for a bit... well, a girl's gotta keep warm one way or another.... *G*

Subject: RE:BS:MudcatBleakSquidWinter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 03:56 PM

If those are electric eels rather than acoustic ones, how come someone's pointing at the tree and singing "That's A Moray!"? If they think they're gigging for eels, then someone please inform them it's a non-paying gig.....

Wait! The band has struck up a Latin number and all the eels and their elles are on the dance floor and have formed a conger line!

They must've taken some John-The-Congerer-Root and are out to conger the world. And flashing festively to the beat, to boot!

If Eel-eye Manning could only see this.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 04:32 PM

The place looks better by electric eel light than it did by a lamp-ray!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: ranger1
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 05:39 PM

After spending all of yesterday shoveling, I'd like a whole bottle of Laphraoig please. As for the sushi tree, make sure those blue mussels get plenty of water, nothing quite smells like mussels that have gone off.

D'ya spose that squid can bake some of those yummy checkerboard Norwegian Christmas cookies? Oh, that answered that question. Thank you Mr. Squid! Oh, and still warm from the oven, too!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: artbrooks
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 06:11 PM

{A figure enters through the southwest door} Ah, that door does connect to San Antonio. Long drive, but I'm ready to sit and relax for a while. Could I get a slow comfortable screw? Relax, Liz - it's a drink.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 12:21 AM

I know it is... so is Sex on the Beach, and it doesn't get sand in yer crack.

I'm about ready for something to spice me up.. it's 5.30am on Christmas Eve and I'm about to go to work for the last time this year!

And Art, if it was a long drive, you must have come the pretty way... via Ontario! I thought my navigation was bad!

Wassail!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Phot
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 01:40 AM

Helloooo! now the chores are finished, a snifter is called for.......Is there any of that 1989 Dom Perigon about?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 02:38 AM

Phot... you're in my time zone... even *I* think it's a wee bit early for a snifter... and I've been at work for an hour! (Only another 5 to go and that's it for the year- whoo hoo!!!)

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 03:19 AM

WHoa, something happened to fragment my last post. Must be some kind of time warp in the doorway. The squid made some orange and cranberry scones, but it looked like I'd been drinking and couldn't type. On consideration, maybe I had been drinking and couldn't type. . .

I guess it is Christmas eve here, also. I haven't been to bed yet after wearing the 23rd around all day.

Would it be incestuous to ask the squid if he does pickled herring? I was hankering after a jar today and couldn't find it.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Megan L
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 04:08 AM

Ranger1 you should try a packet of crabmeat that has fallen behind a cushion on a sofa for a week, it was so bad even the gulls wouldnt go near it :)

Move over Squid Granny Dom is makin Cog

2 bottles whisky.
2 bottles rum.
1 bottle brandy.
1 bottle port.
1 bottle gin.
12 pints of ale (preferably home brewed but bought ale will suffice).
2-4 pints of Stout.
Sugar.
Mixed Spices.


Empty the ale into a large pot and begin to heat.
Once the ale is warm, add some sugar to taste and begin to add the spirits, taking care not to boil the mixture - this destroys the alcohol.
Add mixed spice to taste.
Ladle the mixture into the awaiting cog to be passed around the guests.

The cog by the way fur the heathens(anybuddy whit disny cum frae Orkney) is simply a circular drinking vessel. Hand-crafted from wood, it is formed from staves held securely by wooden or metal hoops. Two or three long upright handles rise from the brim of the vessel allowing the it to be carried around from guest to guest.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: artbrooks
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 07:55 AM

You mean that isn't a serving for one? Darn.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 05:47 PM

775 accounts later.. and that was just yesterdays' batch.... it was good to leave at 1.00am but I'm absolutely dog tired now.. so much so that for only about the second time in around 35 years I won't be at Midnight Mass....

Merry Christmas all, and to all, a good night!


LTSzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 06:03 PM

I too was up at 5:30AM and off to work at 7:30. LOOOOOng boring day as will be Friday. But I stopped for some champagne and dark chocolates along with seeded rye bread, brie, assorted goodies and...now I am home. Red wine and bed I think. I will save all the goodies for tomorrow.
Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night, she mumbles as the ice dam slams into the back porch.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MMario
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 06:13 PM

Finished up the last Day of Dickens Christmas in Skaneateles with a PRESIDENTIAL Christmas Revel and Carol Sing. President Polk was there; and quite a nice crowd. we did NOT get the freezing rain promised (threatened?) by the weather service - so it was quite nice.

I'll just take a large hot buttered grog. And could someone pass that tray of turkey salad samwiches? Thank YOu!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MAG
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 08:47 PM

I think this year I'll actually have a slug of that Hennessey's, the non-virtual kind. Had it in the cabinet since 3/17.

Blessings to you and yours, all. I'll be on the horn to people I would rather be hugging tomorrow, and give thanks for cell phones.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Dec 08 - 04:56 PM

I missed church again... just seem to be so tired. I can't decide if it's just life catching up with me or if there's a real problem... my manager bought me one of those 'diagnose yourself' books... lists of symptoms and their causes... I could have anything!

Hopefully I can get away with a good long sleep in tomorrow... why is it, if Christmas is a Christian holiday, I, the Christian was the only one doing any work this morning?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Dec 08 - 05:14 PM

Kind of leaning back and letting the lunch settle before taking the dogs for a walk around the tavern parking lot. They would love to come in and do a few tricks for all of you, but you know what happens when we get too many animals in the tavern.

I must say, the fare that Mr. Squid is turning out is nothing short of miraculous. Did you see those fancy little quiche things he made, cheese, sausage, various herbs and veggies in some of them? Whew!

I'll have a mug of hot cider, with, if you have some handy back there.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Dec 08 - 05:51 PM

Quiet day. Just opened a bottle of champagne to sip while I watch ancient reruns of Gunsmoke and Dr. Who.
Merry Christmas all.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,MAG at work
Date: 26 Dec 08 - 11:31 AM

Back at work today, sludging through the snow; the Tavern is a nice friendly place to stop in and visit. Car covered in ice this morning; more snow tonight; starts raining tomorrow, thank goodness.

Good to get out and "see" friendly people ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 08:36 AM

Strangely quiet at the shops today... but I did manage to get a new office chair for Limpit to use, for less than £15, and the mushrooms I forgot on Christmas Eve.

Bliss, now I can have a mushroom and sprout sandwich, that should guarantee me a seat to myself this afternoon!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,MAG at work
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 12:28 PM

If this winter continues like it has started out, I think we need to keep the Tavern going as a warm and friendly place to just stop in and say hello.

We are now having a wet, wet weekend, slipping around in several inches of slush. I really hope it all melts before evening, when it will turn to ruts of ice.

MAG, no 'puter athome

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: lady penelope
Date: 27 Dec 08 - 07:15 PM

Down by uz

I believe it's time for the Glayva....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Dec 08 - 07:43 AM

The birds love weather like this, because my fire-hugging cats don't go out in it, they get the garden to themselves... had the whole set out there yesterday and today; tits - great, coal and blue, sparrows, robins, blackbirds, pigeon, magpies, gulls and what may have been a thrush (or an extremely scruffy lady blackbird with a pale front)... only ones missing from this years' tally were the green linnet and the wren.

Must remember to replenish their nuts. In the meantime, I feel like I've been steamrollered by very efficient steam roller, so fork over the fruit juice and slice me up a cherry brandy - it's time to fight this bug with vitamin C and chocolate!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MAG
Date: 28 Dec 08 - 11:19 AM

Our slush did not freeze; the cats are enjoyinga stroll outside, so it's time for me to visit the Tavern; my cat can't get between me and the screen when he's outside.

We haven't done enough SINGING here this year.

Anybody for the Jubilate round??

jubilate, jubilate ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 28 Dec 08 - 12:48 PM

As a former Civil War reenactor, I've never tended to Jubal early (Or Grant much Leeway for that matter, but I haven't been singing "Don we now our Grey Apparel......" in years), but the time seems right. Like Jubal, I just ate too, so I'm ready to sing. You got this round. Who's got the next round?


Round, round, got a round,
She's got a round.
Got a round, round, round,
She's got a round.
She's got a rou-ou-ou-ound......."


Or should I take that Brian Wilson s**t out the back left door where we usually keep the beach?......

Meanwhile, our now-healed reptile friend from last Tavern, recently back from a Cayman vacation, just came in through the alley gate and in the side door with a human-skin bag on its back full of copies of "An Alligator Blues Christmas Vol.1" to pass out to one and all.

Some caroler types start singing the taditional Tavern favorite "I Wonder As I Wand Her" and a murmer goes through the crowd, Where IS the wand this year, and who HAS it?".....

Everybody in their new Christmas sweaters are thankful for the abscence, thus far, of any moths.....

The shanty sing crowd next takes over comes in at full volume with "Haul The Decks" and MAG cries out, "What about another round?" and only gets another drink for her troubles, as do we all. The Squid, somewhat high behind the bar, sets the bar higher for all Taverns to come by being able to provide refills at a record rate....

By now, our reptile friend is half croc-ed on Gator Ade laced with Gos Only Knows What.....

And for some reason, there is the traditional long line for the Ladies room again.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Dec 08 - 01:03 PM

Sage staggers in, bleary-eyed, after struggling to restore some connectivity to her fried computer. It is up and running after a fashion, but still needs a lot more work, as most files are still in there, but can't be reached right now. . .

Something strong and rich, barkeep, please. How about a glass of Chianti (leave the bottle) and a plate of savory-type horse-doovers?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Dec 08 - 05:52 PM

Last time I saw the wand it was being used to scour the loo.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MAG
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 04:02 PM

"Make new friends, and ke-ep the o-ld; one is silver and the other gold."

Corny as hell, I know, but a round everybody knows. (Don't they?)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MMario
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 04:15 PM

That's one I've never heard, MAG.

I'm afraid to ask why Liz's tits have nuts.

I'm just gonna curl up in the chair over by the fireplace and try to finish (one of)the shawl(s) I started this summer.
SQUIDKEEP! Black Russian this way? Please?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 07:14 PM

MAG,

I learned that one at a tender age from my oldest sister, God rest her soul. Probably the first one I may have learned.


SINSULL,

How might that affect the magic?


The Gator,

Thanks for the present.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MAG
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 08:05 PM

Hey ho, nobody home; meat nor drink nor money have I none;

Still we will be me-e-e-ry,

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 10:11 PM

MAG, have a meal, put it on Bert's card. That's what it is still here for. The squid has astonished everyone with his abilities this year--it seems to be the best way to keep him out of trouble is to let his creative side free. MMario, your shoes are smoking. I think you are a little too close to that fire.

Swoosh!

A bucketful of water is flung onto Leo's smoldering shoes from the general direction of the kitchen. A tentacle dragging a bucket is seen to exit the room, bouncing on the corner of the bar as it goes past.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MMario
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 10:21 PM

ah poor bird
take thy flight
fly above the sorrows of this sad, sad, night

fits in well with "heigh ho" - though it's a different tune.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 10:28 PM

With a loud bang the southern door is flung open and he walks in, booted and spurred, rapier at his side and a brace of pistols in his belt. "Mulled wine!" he loudly calls, "or a flagon of sack...saggin of flack?...that sherry-like stuff. Thank you very much."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Dec 08 - 11:55 PM

Look! In the South! Coming from the Wrong Direction! It's the LIBERRIAN!

Now the place is going to get a little noisy. Someone better warn Rapaire AND the giant squid.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Dec 08 - 05:22 AM

That does it... I'm off outa here... Severn, you are truly back to your old self.. and we were so hoping you'd be better by now!


Off to visit forn parts for a couple of days, enjoy the beer and it's not me blocking up the ladies.


Of course my tits have nuts, how else do you expect them to survive the winter?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 08 - 08:03 AM

"Another slagon of fack, please. And some vittles wouldn't be out of line. You folks got any Son Of A Bitch stew? No? Good! How about some biscuits and good butter? My Gawd but it was a horrible ride! The moon was more like an erased line than a ribbon over the purple moor, which was really blacker'n the inside of a black cat in a coal mine."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MMario
Date: 30 Dec 08 - 09:01 AM

The wind was a torrent of darkness
Amongst the gusting trees
The moon was a ghostly galleon
tossed upon cloudy seas
The road was a erased line
over the cat-black moor
When Rapaire came riding,
riding,
riding....
Rapaire came riding
Up to the tavern door.

Over the squid he clambered, tossed an order to the bar
Ounded his fist on the "Ladies" door; though the line was very long
He whisted a tune, he said was a tit's
But who should answer his call
'Twas nothing more then a Little Hawk
Little Hawk the MOAB child
Crowing that he was more awake
The Rapaire ever were.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 08 - 11:22 AM

Talk about intertextuality. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,MAG at work
Date: 30 Dec 08 - 01:58 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: lady penelope
Date: 30 Dec 08 - 05:22 PM

Ah poor bird
Take thy flight
Fly above the misery of this dark night....   Is the version I know.


Karbeep? I will have a St. Clemens.... got to get up early to go for my check up at the doc's. They don't like it when I test 'neat'.... *G*

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 08 - 05:44 PM

Argh! Now ye've done it ye scurvy dog! Shiver me timbers but I'll...oops. Sorry. Switching from Pirate Mode now.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,MAG at work
Date: 30 Dec 08 - 09:08 PM

I don't know why that last message was blank; I typed it all in.

"Make New Friends" Severn, from Girl Scouts to the best of my recollection.

Meal: I'm on short rations until I can see my feet and am off diabetes shots; no sugar, white flour, or excessive carbs. But I can have STEAK.

"Great John is cast; ..." (6 part round)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 08 - 10:23 PM

"Great John is cast...."

Wow! A toilet throwing contest! Rip out them stools and see who can throw 'em the farthest! A new contest, sort of like tossing the caber or camber or whatever the Scots call that log!

And he gleefully heads for the head.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 02:30 AM

Sage shouts "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

"That's as bad as ordering a calamari dinner from our new giant squid chef. Liz the Squeak is going to brain you if you mess with the loos here!"

Too late . . . the tentacles slither out from behind the bar as Rapaire races past. As quick as a cowboy wrapping a dally welter, Rap's ankles were bound tight and the squid pulled back, whipping him off his feet and onto his back and sliding him across the floor. With another shift and a pull of strong twine from above some butcher paper (until now unnoticed behind the bar) Rapaire's ankles are quickly bound to the brass footrest in front of the barstools.

"You spent years cleaning this place after all of my antics in the jello pit. Don't trash it now that I'm a reformed character!" shouts (gurgles) the squid, heading back into the kitchen to take a quiche out of the oven because the timer is going off.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 08:22 AM

Oh look, he thinks in his ackward position, a spittoon. I haven't seen one of those in years and this one is all polished brass like in the old days. Maybe instead of tossing the toilet we could play Catch the Cuspidor, a new game I just invented. And pulling a knife from the top of his boot he cuts himself free, and with the knife between his teeth he quietly crawls to the brass vessel and finds it about half full of Stilly's tobacco "juice" and the cuds of Liz's snuff.

Oh boy, he mutters to himself, this is gonna be good! And with a loud cry of "Somebody CATCH!" he throws the cuspidor to the center of the group standing singing by the Christmas Tree.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 09:19 AM

I am so glad I'm not there to see that mess...

That better be gone by the time I get back!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 12:59 PM

The cats, lurking on a comfy couch over by MMario, flee.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MMario
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 01:09 PM

MMario quickly assembles a very solid shield between himself and the more rambunctious element in the Tavern; refills his caffiene and Kahlua, and dozes off.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 01:19 PM

No, again, Rapaire, no. That isn't what you think. That is a supply of molasses for January, you silly. It's still only December, so I don't think that will ooze slow motion out of that cuspidore yet.

Fingers crossed

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 02:17 PM

Nope, it's half full of tobacco juice and cud. I looked and sure enough, that's what it is.

Somebody had better catch that thing before it lands in the stew.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 02:25 PM

Un-huh. You said it was mine and Liz's, but we don't do things like that. We were storing our January molasses in it. I think you're still dazed from all of the airline travel.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 02:57 PM

A duck enters, stage left, and settles on Rapaire's chest, staring him in the eye.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MMario
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 03:04 PM

Is it a good duck, or a bade duck?

Or perhapes it is one of the Ducks of Hazard?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 06:28 PM

Oh, no. It's obviously a Peeking Duck! An escapee from the classic children's book "Make Way For Ducklings A L'Orange", no doubt.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 06:30 PM

And though the duck sits on his chest, Rapaire isn't about to take any sass off a lousy duck. NO SIR, no duck sass for him!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 08:05 PM

The duck shifts his tail slightly and lets a splat of poo hit the floor mm from Rap's right hand. The duck is still engaged in the stare down. The cats by the fireplace have ceased their grooming and are watching with interest as another duck approaches Rap's feet, dragging a chenille bedspread.

This appears to be a dramatic rendition of "duck and cover."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 08:57 PM

MAG,

If you can have steak, then why not strike up a Ground Round?



Meanwhile, it's ducks redux as more of them enter through the door marked South. The bannd strikes up the overature from "D'Rake's Progress".....

Rapaire's duck stares down at him (and also molts down on him), but although this duck may be having a bit of a moltdown, but he's still confidently, arrogantly staring down at him as if nothing can stop him, 'cause he's The Duck Of Earl and not any sort of gent-teal like eider first thought.

Rapaire ponders his fate and how he can make a large uncharitable attacks de-duck-shun in time to still be on this calandar year. "What, the flock?", he thinks. "It's getting near time to get down and get funky."

The other ducks seem to have fowler deeds on their minds and are preparing out the king-sized spread for a Rap rewrap and ducknap. One of the birds is either looking like the messenger of death (or is merely a Hooded Merganser) carrying a garden implement of some sort.

"Is that some sort of Quack Hoe, perchance?", asks Severn. "So, tell us, Rapaire, just what is your history with this collection feathered fiends and how did you initially come to ruffle their feathers?".....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 09:32 PM

Are Geoff and Jane in the house? They speak their lingo and maybe can form a quack negotiating team to make some sort of human-avian peace tweety.....

Or does the wily and resourceful Rapaire have ideas of his own?......



.....Meanwhile, one of the ducks is up on the stand with the band trying to walk like Chuck Berry and the cuspidor continues to fly about the room on the cusp of a New Year.....


Waddle happen next?.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 10:40 PM

Ha! And he pulls from his pocket that which ducks all fear and loathe: a bill!

Yes! In addition to rapier, dagger, boot knife, brace of pistols, mortuary sword, seax, Greek fire, and halberd, he has a full-sized bill, the hook glistening in the firelight!

"Knew this would come in handy," he says struggling to his feet. "That's why I never paid it."

Meanwhile, the ducks' courage has quacked and muttering to each other about being chicken they gather in a corner and begin hitting each other with a large mallard.

"Cowardly canards," Rapaire thinks as he helps himself to large glass of good rum.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 08 - 11:30 PM

A tentacle shoots out from behind the bar, slaps the chaldron into the fireplace and it's handle lodges on the pot hook. Soon the smell of sugary molasses begings to permeate the room.

Darn. I hoped the ducks were going to really mess hiim up. Not hurt him or anything, but one does wonder what a duck could do under real provocation.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 01 Jan 09 - 07:59 AM

To explain the slightly delayed effects of Rapaire's actions, the bill was in the male......




Rapaire,

As fine a piece of billsmanship as I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Squid! A beak-er of whatever he's drinking for him on my tab, if you please!

So, once again, as they seemed to know you and came straight for you, how did you initially come to ruffle their collective feathers? C'mon, give us the low-down!


Stilly,

At a pond near my late mother-in-law's summer cabin in the Virginia mountains, one of my stepdaughters was bending forward and feeding one of a pair of rather belligerent ducks that lived there, one jumped up and bit her tongue. We used to kid her later, saying,"What's the matter, Mandy? Duck got your tongue?". So they CAN be as nasty as shopping mall Canada Geese, if they've a mind to be....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 09 - 11:36 AM

Okay, okay, I helped raise their mother from her youth. I was a real mother ducker back in those days.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 01 Jan 09 - 03:35 PM

And they imprinted on you, like Konrad Lorenz and his Graylag Geese?

Anyway, the band just sprung up with "Be Kind To Your Web-Footed Friends" in your honor....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 09 - 04:01 PM

I've always been partial to that one and "Big Blue Frog." Perhaps it's because of the webbing between my own toes.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 09 - 05:30 PM

Meanwhile, the contents of the cuspidor have rotted holes in the bottom and it has started to drip....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jan 09 - 09:16 PM

This is where the fireworks come in, I think. See those hotspots shooting up the chimney? What do you want to bet that they look real pretty from outside?

The room empties as everyone races outside in childlike glee to watch the chimney emit sparks like a Roman candle on steroids.

Sage walks over to the spigot, cranks it on and pulls the end of the water hose, with it's nozzle closed, to a handy spot in case the roof catches fire.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: lady penelope
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 04:50 AM

It's bloody cold out there, I think I'll stay indoors and keep tinkering with me bicycle....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 09:33 AM

Danged right! I think I'll stay inside and keep tinkling with my...wait, that's not coming out right...I mean....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:19 PM

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

There's an angry duck out here... I asked him what was wrong... seems he went into the gents and asked someone to reach him down a little Trojan something from the machine on the wall... the guy who was in there, knowing Bert's card covers all, asked if the duck wanted it put on his bill.   Now the duck is stomping up and down insisting he's not a pervert.

Now get this mess cleared up and lets hear no more about mole asses!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:35 PM

Hey, who do you think you are? Liz the Squeak?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 05:00 PM

Wouldn't that be mole arses?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 05:28 PM

And he takes out his trumpet and sings:

MOLASSES
Words and Music by Tom Rowe

African Man cuts the sugar cane,
Oh Molasses
He works in the sun, he works in the rain.
Oh molasses rhum
Then he loads it up on a wooden ship,
Sends it off on a northern trip.
Oh molasses, oh molasses rhum.

        Oh molasses, Ole New England tea.
        You killed my Grampa, killed my Pa.
        And you sure as hell are a killin' me.
        Oh molasses, oh molasses rhum.

When they fought the war for the Colonies;
They fought it over New England tea.
Old King George put a tax on it,
The Colonies nearly took a fit.

In the time of the nineteen-seventeen war;
Molasses sitting on the Boston shore.
When they pumped it in it was twelve degrees,
A long cold night in a Boston freeze.

In the morning it was forty-two
Molasses vat split clean in two.
Two million gallons covered the bay
Twenty-six people drowned in the flood that day.

Grampa, he died cuttin' cane.
Pa went down in the great brown rain.
But I won't go in a pool of blood,
I won't drown in a blackstrap flood;
But still I'll go down to molasses, Oh molasses rhum.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 06:30 PM

One last fizzle and sputter from the pot in the fireplace as the fuel spends it's last energy to pop up the fireplace and spell out


100!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:01 AM

100 whats? Ducks? Cos if it's squid, we got more than we can care for already....

Now if it's arses, can I have the tight one with Hugh Jackman attached please?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 02:26 AM

100 bright lights.

The chimney is empty and it doesn't seem to have started a chimney fire. It's a pretty good environment for smoking some salmon, though.

Señor Squid, do we have any fresh salmon to shove up the chimney for a nice smoke? Gracias!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 10:35 AM

Smoking salmon? Smoking salmon??

I've tried it and they're hard to light, slippery, and very squirmy.

But if you want to....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 10:35 AM

In a no smoking environment does the salmon have to be smoked outside? Does Stilly have to roll her own (salmon, that is)?......

Wait! What is this?!?!?!?!.......


In from the door to the beach rolls a motorized aquarium on wheels adorned with the logo "Salmon Dave, Fontella Bass & the Sole Brothers".

While his girlfriend Sheba looks on, Salmon Dave, as spokesman for the Old School type fishes in the tank,says, "Listen, my friends, to the fabled ancient Wisdom Of Salmon!"

Accapella, they strike a song they just recently memorized, fast Larners that they are:

Up jumps the salmon, right under the lee,
Saying Squid get to speak, but you cook folks like me!
In this windy old weather, stormy old weather
When the wind blows we speal or cook together

Up jumps the Sole (wait, there's more than one of them. Let's try that again...),

Up jumps the flounder, as flat as a board,
Crying, Calomari talks, but us fish just get gored....

....And the Catters, no matter how they feel on the subject, all join in on the chorus, simply because they can't resist a good one. The Squid just licks his chops and sharpens his arsenal of kitchen knives.....

Up jumps Fontella, the beautiful Bass
and she sang " 'Rescue Me', Calomari, my ass!"

Sing it, folks!
Windy old weather.....

"Omigod!", thinks Severn, "Even the Veggies can talk in this place if they (or WE) have a mind to. What are we getting into here?"

"It's only fitting that the Salmon is making a Plank Speech." thinks the Squid. "Or I can fry the whole e-fish-ency apartment full".....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 10:41 AM

The word in the chorus should be "speak", but thankfully, you all sung it right anyway, great singers that you are!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 10:57 AM

Outside the Beach Door there is a HUGE slopping and the door (and wall) crash open.

It's a fully grown Sperm Whale, deadly enemy and sworn foe of the Giant Squid.

"Have at you, squiddy old top!" the whale says in a basso VERY profundo voice. "Nemesis has arrived!" and with a lurch the whale (now seen to be a very definite male) flops toward the Giant Squid.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 11:17 AM

Gee, I figured he was a Great Blue Leviathan, because he was wearing denim. I guess it's easier to identify them by the sperm rather than going withthe jean-etic info.....

A "Wash 'n' Wear 'em Wale"! I wonder if he likes to sing English songs accapella in late August?. A good basso's hard to find......


"A good bass is hard to find, too! Sounds like a good festival!", says Fontella.....


"We both should live so long.....", mutters the Squid.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: lady penelope
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 12:03 PM

Ok, who put LSD in the beer...???

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Megan L
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 12:06 PM

Weel lass they said the bromide left a funny taste

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 03:07 PM

"You were expecting Wide Whale Cordouroy?", sneers the mighty Sperm (The count is one so far. I hope there aren't any others coming!) to Severn.

Then to the band, who had started into. "A Baleen, A Baleen", "No, I'm a toothed whale, dammit! Get it right!"

"But to be a RIGHT Whale IS to be Baleen" says one of the band members who immediately regrets his words, sensing that he just crossed the WRONG Whale!

"Having read the chapter on Whales vs.Squids in Richard Ellis' Giant Squid book, I'll have to bet against my cephalopod buddy", thinks Severn, as the betting pool is already starting at one of the back tables........

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 03:15 PM

The squid forms a line of electric eels from off the tree in front of him to send in as advance shock troops while the whole tavern shakes as the battle prepares to commence.

One person remarks that the newly enhanced view of the beach is quite lovely, but all other eyes are on the antagonists as they square up and square off......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: lady penelope
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 04:19 PM

I REALLY need more alcohol if this is going to continue... Karbeep, I require a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 08:08 PM

With or without the olive?

I just need more chocolate. And a drink. Possibly two.

My brian hurts.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MAG
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 08:39 PM

Brian? Who's Brian?

Briany deep around here...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,Loooooooooong John Sliver
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 09:42 PM

"Avast, me hearties!" I say as the Wharf Door slams open. "I be seein' a whale and a Sperm at that! I'll get me matey Haba, who was turned inside out and backwards by that white whale! He'll bring his harpoon and lance! Thar she blows and breeches!!!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 03:21 AM

Yeah, like I said, Blue denim Levi breeches! G'day, Capn! I thought you were down on the Monby-us Strip this time of year.

"I'm a HE! Blow yerself!", growled the Sperm. "The breeches must've confused you."

I don't like how that whale's sounding", sez the Cap'n.


"I remember that whale", said one of the older folkies. "It sang background on a Judy Collins LP. Still sounds fine to me!"


The band starts into:

"Oh what a weeping and whaling
When the lost were told of their fate...."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 12:20 PM

Sage moves behind the bar and turns the knob to engage the tackle holding the tree up at the ceiling. Creaking gently the tree slowly shifts down toward the floor. The sea shells and creatures are even more beautiful close up, but are more than ready to return to the ocean. Flipping another switch, the tavern roof slowly slides back, a mechanical arm appears, and Sage climbs up to adjust the gear holding the tree to attach to a hook on the arm.

Out in the yard a creaking and groaning of rope and wood can be heard, and the unusual mechanism of the Mudcat Trebuchet is cranked up. The tree quivers momentarily, waking a couple of ducks and dislodging one cat that had managed to sneak up into the branches. Free of the four-legged and winged wildlife, the tree suddenly lurches into the air and flies many hundreds of yards across a smallish ridge. Beachcombers hear a swishing rush over their heads and look up to see the tree arch over the beach and land "plop!" into the water well below the low-tide mark.

Sage flips the switch to replace the tavern roof, then reaches over and pokes the Staples "easy" button that someone left on the bar.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 05:15 PM

Does this mean that Christmas is over?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 05:30 PM

Everyone has backed off from the center of the room where the three antagonists are sizing each other up.

"If you're lookin' fer some men to press, Cap'n," sneers the Whale, "There's a fine bunch to take with you!", as he motions with one flipper at a bunch of shanty singers cowering in one corner, trying to muster a little liquid courage from their tankards of Harpoon Tang (The aforementioned drink being a foul grog made by the spiking of a powdered drink they aquired a taste for back in their younger days, when they wanted to become astronauts, until they found out there weren't any songs or any bars that catered to that profession).

"Damn straight I'm real, me boys! Just what, if anything, would you or anyone else plan to do about it?", growls the whale, who's feeling neither pain nor fear at the moment.

"Micca! Hey, Micca!" the leviathan shouts, (for whatever all those other threads claim about his whereabouts, he's really HERE), sing that song I like!", and the band strikes up "Shantyman Who's Never Been To Sea", while at the same time, the Cap'n is whispering to a sailor to go back to the ship and come back with a press gang to annex the shantymen for real and eventually help call the whale's bluff, and the Squid and his eels stand at the ready, and the insulted shantymen hurridly search their Hugills for instructions.

And if there weren't enough challengers, a large white waterfowl is muttering to himself, "I don't see how any of these folks can handle this guy. This might be a job for MOBY DUCK!"......

The band has struck up "O, Whaley, Whaley"......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 05:38 PM

Christmas isn't over until the chocolate is all gone!






















Oh. Awwwww... bugger.

Barkkie, gimme another slug o' rum.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 06:32 PM

Trying to set a good de-clutter example. And the shells were going to start to stink pretty soon. You can only spritz them with salt water for so long before enough is enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 10:10 PM

Bah! A good stink'll make a man outa ya!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 10:38 PM

And who needs that?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 10:43 PM

"Good job, Stilly!", cheers the amazed crowd.

"Hmmmmmmm......" thinks Moby Duck, who flies over and whispers something to the Squid, who nods in agreement.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 05:58 AM

"Bah! A good stink'll make a man outa ya!"

Hasn't worked for mine in 18 years.... should the stink be from a particular source?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 09:01 AM

Sew yourself into your long underwear and never change it. It repels squids, whales, flying cuspidors, and undesirables.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: frogprince
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 11:12 AM

But then it gets so it attracts small rodents and vermin, and repels desireables...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 11:54 AM

Those aren't desirable? They're your new food source!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 02:06 PM

As the Whale comes towards the Giant Squid and the Eels, all of a sudden Moby the Great White Duck comes swooping down from above and deposits the hook from Stilly's ingeneous Mudcat Trebouchet firmly in the leviathan's blowhole. At the same time, tentacles shoot out and the Squid trips off the mechanisms that retract the roof and hurl the Sperm Whale over the ridge and out into the ocean. The press gang from the ship, who were just arriving, see the whale flying overhead and turn around, running full speed after the soaring Sperm followed by the Cap'n who yells out "Thar we blew it!"

Most of both the Chantey singers and the Shanty singers (along with a few like me who have one foot in each camp), heave a collective sigh (overboard?) as we are spared the prospect of facing down what we constantly sing about and the prospect of making blubbering idiots of ourselves in the process. A few of the more gung-ho of our number are disappointedly putting the ropes, hooks and try pots back in storage, but the rest are thinking, "Far better the loss of that Sperm than any of our own seamen"......

The roof closes again, and as soon as we hear the big splash (and a few screams of either "Tidal wave!" of "Cowabunga, dude! Surf's up!")through the gaping hole in the wall, it's drinks all around and a
rousing three cheers for Moby Duck and The Giant Squid, and the eels commence dancing again!.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 04:43 PM

"Whales can't be all bad," muses Severn. "After all didn't both Dylan Thomas and Pinnochio each spend a child's Christmas in one?" and bursts out in song with a verse from a Kentucky whale song from a Library Of Congress recording of Blind James Howard:


If you disobey mammy, remember this tale
When you run off from home, just look out for a whale
There's varmints to get you on sea and on land
And a boy can be swallered lots easier than a man.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 06:06 PM

As others rush about congratulating themselves, he quietly ensures that neither his charges nor his pistols are filled up with water and that his rapier is ready at hand. Taking his blunderbuss from the peg on the wall, he quietly snags a bottle of single-malt Irish and steps out the Stable Door.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 07:19 PM

It's alright, I found more chocolate, the festivities need not end just yet! We'll follow the old custom and keep going til Candlemas shall we?

Besides, I took a load of greenery to the tip this morning. My car smells of bay and I've got a craving for gammon steaks.

Karpeeb, another rummy slug please!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 09:42 AM

Where is that Beekarp with my rummy slug? It's a horrible day, I'm at w*^k and there were 3000 returns delivered last week - even with a bank holiday! I wannna rumma slug!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MMario
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 10:31 AM

*offers Liz a glass with a banana slug floating in what smells like rum*

I think this is what the Squid poured you. But are you really sure you want it?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 01:30 AM

He does sometimes miss the idomatic things and go strait for literal meanings. I'd toss that down the loo if I were you, Liz.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 02:33 AM

Line 'em up... there are 6000 returns to log and/or capture and a manager who is trying to drown us in petty beaurocracies.... it's going to take more than a banana to fix this one!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 08:20 AM

OH dear... I forgot the monthly team meeting... I wish I was a glass of water... then I could be drunk at work and no-one could tell me off.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,MAG at work
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 11:08 AM

Returement party today for someone I do not want to see leave. Wrong person leaving. Wish I could.

Cheer me up, somebody.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 01:13 PM

MAG, you're downright NIFICENT! They oughta name a Na Carta after you!



......There, do you feel any better?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: GUEST,MAG at work
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 11:07 AM

Yes, Severn, thanks; I started to reply to the thread last night but my cat had other ideas; he is insanely jealous of the computer (and the phone and anything else in my hand).

Barkeep, a virtual stiff stiff one. with sugar and caffeine.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 04:40 PM

Oh dear.... deary me.... it's a dishrag day today and I need a pint of K&M.... wondered why I couldn't wake up this morning...

Oh Barrkip, put a fresh roll in the fridge for me please - and I don't mean tuna on rye....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 04:47 PM

Damn! I was all set with mu copy of Moby Dick to commence rendering the blubber in the Jell-O pit. No fair!

And this was going to be my first chance to play Yankee Doodle on the baleen.
grumble...grumble...grumble...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 07:03 PM

Yer gonna do what with.... oh... thank goodness I read that wrong.

Another round of Turkey Turd Beer over here in the back corner, eh! Birds of a feather....

And what about them cheap lobsters, anyway? Fire a load over here. And don't be cuttin them up fancy like yer servin em to yuppies on vacation. I can crack me own crusties, thank you kindly.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MAG
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 10:47 PM

Yep, the tough part of winter is still coming up, even though the Solstice is supposed to turn things around. Not.

I feel like songs about good times with friends:

Ring Around the Moon, long long time ''til day

Play another tune, please don't go away ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 10:59 PM

You'd better watch out
You'd better not pout
You'd better be good
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus is dead.

Yes. Santa Claus is dead. He left his global operations to Bill Gates, who has merged them with Microsoft. The next release will be called "Windows Sees You When You're Sleeping And Who With". The software will permit you to be seen through your monitor, your television, and indeed even through your light bulbs EVEN if the light or whatever is switched off.

Remember, you learned it from A Quiet Man first.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Janie
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 02:40 AM

Huh? Wha....? I fell asleep over here in the corner soon after I walked in. Have I missed the party?   Oh Lordy, did Rap say he killed Santy?

Quick, I need a shot of Scotch, straight up!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 05:49 AM

Don't mention turds... please.....


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 11:04 AM

Okay, I won't mention sdrut.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Severn
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 06:09 PM

Offally sorry! Consider the subject buried, Liz!

"....The good is oft in turd with their bones."
                                                -Shakespeare

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 06:23 PM

There once was a fellow called Clyde.
He fell in a cess pit and died.
Edward, his brother,
Fell into another,
And now they're interr'd side by side.

Feeling less crappy now, it may have been those rum slugs... the beekrap thought I meant REAL slugs...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 08:32 PM

Forget the slugs, Liz. I have a hot cuppa cocoa here--is that chocolate enough for you? With or without marshmallows?

(Any kick you want can be added to it--perhaps a chocolate liquor?)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 09:14 PM

Saltpeter (or, in Britain, saltpetre).

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Jan 09 - 09:22 PM

I'd like a glass of red wine, please, and a plate of something hot, pot roast or stew if you have it.

Leave the bottle.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 09 - 09:34 PM

Leave the bottle? If the bottle is left you'll drink it all, right? That's okay, as long as you realize that left is right for this bottle. It's like when you're driving down the road and the place you're going is on the left, so you turn left because left is right. Since you didn't go that way, right is left.

These are things you don't learn on Sesame Street.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Matt_R
Date: 11 Jan 09 - 10:03 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Jan 09 - 12:19 AM

I think Matt_R was providing the silent spot in the Sesame Street call and response routine.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Matt_R
Date: 12 Jan 09 - 12:22 AM

... I forgot HTML works on this site.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jan 09 - 01:24 PM

Matt - it is good to see you back. Whattarya drinking?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Jan 09 - 04:40 PM

Well that's it... Plough Monday over and done with, work resumes (allegedly) for another year and Christmas has only 4 squares of chocolate remaining...

But there is the most glorious full moon outside, very bright and casting enought light to make moonshadows in the tree opposite, it's going to be fine tomorrow and my new fence arrives (hopefully) at some point. Busy day in the garden, followed by the first of our audtions for a new musical director. Tomorrow is the turn of the 'lots of personality, no experience' guy who was rather dishy... here's hoping for a good report from the general populace!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Matt_R
Date: 12 Jan 09 - 06:46 PM

I'm not drinking anything ... but my boots are very soggy

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jan 09 - 07:22 PM

well - take your boots off and warm your feet by the fire, Matt - And lay the boots out to dry.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 09 - 08:59 PM

When I was in graduate school they taught me not to hit my boots, my pants, my hands....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Winter Holiday Tavern 2008
From: SINSULL
Date: 31 Mar 09 - 08:20 AM

It is mud season in Maine. Soon to be followed by summer - most likely July 22, this year. Then fall and winter again. I feel like we're in a rut. The same all thing every year.

Had my oatmeal and coffee this morning. An apple later for a snack. maybe a bit of JD ont he rocks is in order.

Janie, wake up! We are waiting for a story.