A request from kat- new blog posting-April 2010

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: RoyH (Burl)
Date: 28 Oct 09 - 05:41 PM

Dear Kat, please accept good thoughts from Elaine and me. I've had something of what you have. I came through it, and music was a great help. Go play for the people, they'll love it and you will benefit too. Look for the silver lining. Burl

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 10:15 PM

refresh.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 10:19 PM

Probably too early for your bedtime in your time zone, Kat, but just right for mine. (At least, if I'm wise, I'll head for bed soon.) I wish you peaceful rest.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 10:46 PM

Thanks so much, Janie and everyone else. I have been much better this weekend. Today's is Rog's birthday. Our dau. and her family took us out to lunch. Rog is home, again, knock on wood that nothing goes wrong so he won't get called out. We skipped house chores today...will do them tomorrow.

Still feel rocky when certain family members do their usual thing and late afternoon is still kind low energy/anxious time, but I am working at getting busier to try to head it off at the pass. It is a comfort to know my Mudcat friends are thinking of me. Thanks.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Tinker
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:25 PM

Gentle reflections on a wild northern night.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 05:56 PM

Not a bad night, thanks for the beautiful visions.

I meet with the therapist tomorrow morning. I've been doing pretty well, but am starting to feel some anxiety about meeting him...just about what I will say and his response, etc. I want to go and I won't have any trouble getting there...it's just my mind leaping ahead.:->

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 05:57 PM

Down, Mind!

:~)

Think of Morgan.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Joybell
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 06:04 PM

My thoughts to you too, Kat. And from my True-love too.
Sunshine and flowers and songs from us.
Joy

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: gnu
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 06:19 PM

Leaping ahead.... no worries. Be s cool as you can. It's all good. It can only help. Breath deep and just keep faith.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: maeve
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 07:12 PM

Go with confidence, kat. All will be well again...and so much more joy awaits you!

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 07:20 PM

Most therapists are going to expect you to be somewhat anxious about a first meeting. (And will probably have a little initial anxiety themselves.) If they are good, by the time you leave that first meeting you will feel understood and validated.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 05:49 AM

I've been bitten by the black dog recently - and the damn thing seems to want to move in, like a stray that you feed once...

all I can suggest is to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and to 'make memories'... one thing is to have a nice meal, either alone or with company - you have nice things to draw on then...

no, I don't mean the napkins, silly....

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 05:49 AM

Thinking of you - let us know how it went.

B xxx

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Tinker
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 11:53 AM

Holding you close....

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: sing4peace
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 12:01 PM

Dear Kat -

In addition to the good advice above, I hope your doc has tested your thyroid levels. Most of the women I know are on thyroid meds. Don't know why that is, but it does make a difference. Thyroid problems can make you feel like the whole world is crashing around you, no sleep, autonomic nervous system problems (temperature, heart beat, etc.).

Re: therapist - If you don't feel comfortable - try a different one. It took me a few tries to find the right person. She made all the difference.

Sending light and love -
Joyce

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: eddie1
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 12:16 PM

Hi Kat
We've never "talked" on Mudcat but I've read lots of your stuff and feel I know you.
Can I share something that sounds stupid - but works?

I'm very much involved with Community Radio and right now am up to the neck in doing pre-records for a 4-day broadcast at end of November.
I am working with a lot of folks who are brand new to radio and are often nervous, worried about their performance. I pass on a tip I was given years ago. When talking, smile in between sentences. This certainly comes over in your voice but you yourself start to feel "smiley" and happier!

LUV'N'HUGS

Eddie

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 02:24 PM

Hope the anxiety has gone away now....!

All best wishes and hugs

Kitty

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: fat B****rd
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 03:18 PM

I'm late coming to this one but my thoughts are with you. All the very best from Charlie Stenger.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 10:03 PM

Phew! I made it, a lot thanks to you all giving me courage!

What a wonderful man I met with this morning. We have a lot in common and I really like him. I will see him next week when we will talk more, of course.

I have some "homework." I don't really want to talk about it publicly, but it is all stuff I feel good about and can do...it may take a bit of thinking but I can do it.

I did get really antsy this afternoon and had to get out of the house. Morgan and I were just getting ready to go to the store when his dad came to get him after work. I went to the store alone and was okay, but then had that awful feeling about 5p. Went out to the car and sat waiting for Rog to get home and go to the grocery store with me. He is a good and patient man. I am better now.

I found it is not such a bad thing to *listen* to the anxiety and see what it wants, i.e. get out of the house, etc. AND one strategy the doc gave me was to plan things to do out of the house in the later afternoon when I know I may feel badly. One thing I may do is, after Morgan goes home, take my new mini-laptop to the library/bookstore/coffeeshop and work on my NaNoWriMo novel. This is day two, technically and I only have about 4000 words!

Thanks, again, my dear, dear friends. I am overwhelmed at your kindness and would only remind you I give out what I receive, so right back atcha all the kind and wonderful things you have said.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 10:06 PM

Knew ya could do it, Kat. Posilutely.

Now that you are talking about all this, it's practically gone. :~)

I'm gratefull you got hooked up with a good 'un today.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 10:30 PM

Hey, Kat, I'm happy to tell you that after weaning off of it for about six weeks, I finally left that medication of mine behind (changed to the new, simpler small dose). I had a bit of an iffy weekend, but I think I'm pretty well past it now. This has turned up in a couple of our threads where you participate, but this seemed like a good place to report a positive outcome.

I hope you keep up with your homework. If you're establishing a new routine it will take a little while. Weil says it takes about 8 weeks to made some new activity into a habit. That's what I'm working on right now, adding in healthy eating and breathing exercises.

Good luck! (And how's the writing coming along?)

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 10:46 PM

That's great, SRS! I have already started one new routine..completely new to me, in my whole life. I no longer read when I go to bed. It's been about two weeks and it still feels weird, but I think it does help me to get to sleep...though it may also be the medicine.:-)

I'll post an update on the nanowrimo thread. I don't want to start posting to specific folks in this thread as I don't want to miss anyone.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 06:55 AM

Wonderful, Kat! I don't post much but I've been thinking of you every day and sending healing thoughts. You are doing all very good things- the therapist sounds like a wise one.

I had to stop reading at bed time some time ago for sleep reasons (although sometimes I "bore myself to sleep" with dense non-fiction) but I switched to crossword puzzles- they absorb enough of my brain to stop it chewing over any niggling anxieties, but they don't engage me with new things to chew over. Usually it's about 5 minutes and then


ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz!


Love love love to you!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 06:48 PM

Crossword puzzles make me want to stay up to finish them!:-)

I didn't know which thread to put this in, but I think more folks will see it here than in the nanowrimo one, so...in an effort to ward off any afternoon anxiety, I headed out to Starbucks after Morgan went home, today. He whipped my socks off in a marathon game of Monopoly (the kid is a land Baron!) I had my mini-laptop with me and was going to work on my nanowrimo novel. Got there, almost didn't go in, but decided I owed it to myself to do so. Got my hot chocolate and a single seater table.

Set up the laptop, switched eye glasses and started to write. The keyboard is 89% the size of a regular one, so it's not too bad, but the touch mouse pad is super sensitive, so we had to get used to one another. I hope no one heard me threaten it. finally found a starting place and commenced. I did pretty well with about 450 words in a half hour but then I got sandwiched between a new teenage mother giving a blow by blow account of her son's entrance to the world (he was adorable and she wasn't too obnoxious, just a little hyper talking about her water breaking etc.)and a poor guy behind me who, when the server asked him if he was okay, blurted out how he hasn't been able to get work in over a year and can't buy things for his little girl, and has a college degree and experience.

My heart was smooshed between the elation of the new mom and the sorrow and anguish I heard in that good man's voice. My first instinct was to turn and commiserate with him, but, right now I know that is not best for me, so I packed up, quietly, and left. I don't think Starbucks is the place for me to get away to write. Next I will check out the library and bookstores. I hope I can get to the point where I can just stay home and write as it is much faster for me on a regular sized keyboard and easier on my neck and shoulders, too. I am giving myself a pat on the back for even going and trying. I could think of a zillion reasons not to.:-) Thanks for listening.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 07:18 PM

I give thanks for your courageous boundaries.

I give thanks for your compassion to yourself.

I give thanks for your great use of accumulated good judgment and life experience.

I give thanks for the choices you are making, large and small.

I give thanks that you have given this thing voice fearlessly and thereby reduced it to a mere annoyance (to yourself, not to us).

I give thanks for your confidence in wrapping up this challenge the smartest way you know how.

I give thanks for your smarts. :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 10:54 PM

'night, Kat.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 10:56 PM

I give thanks for a peacefull night, sleep or no.

And a good strong heart to trust.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: frogprince
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 11:24 PM

Kickin' myself a little for not checking in here sooner, to let you know that one more is thinking of you and wishing better days ahead. My mother had a spell of pretty bad anxiety attacks, and my sister has had a bit of it; I realize it's no joke at all. So far as advice, you've had much better here than I know to give. Sounds like you have the right therapist, and a good grasp of how to take care of yourself.
            Dean

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: frogprince
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 11:36 PM

Hope this gives you a chuckle; I haven't put it on my website, since the tune is borrowed; do you know Si Kahn's "Wild Rose of the Mountain"? I've got Si's permission for singing it with the tune, so long as I don't record it, which isn't apt to happen; the title is kind of a tongue-in-cheek bow to "Lilly, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts".

       Me 'n' Sheriff Brown 'n' the Piper

Sheriff Brown came round to see me in a Buick Regal;
Said, "That grass is nice and green, but, son, that grass ain't legal";
From the jailhouse telephone, I called a legal eagle;
He said, "Friend, you better face it, your defence is feeble".

Chorus: Guess I'll have to do the reapin, 'cause I did the sowin';
                If I have t' pay the piper, how much do I owe 'im?

Cooked some corn up in a mash; came back a little later;
Ran it through an antique copper Reo radiator;
Some skunk told the revenouers where my little still sat;
Truth be told, I'm just as glad I missed the one I shot at.

Chorus:

Maggie liked to have some fun, and Maggie was my buddy:
We decided all that fun could fetch us in some money;
Sheriff Brown showed up again; ( his Regal's gettin' rusty);
'nother month of good behaviour, I can be a trustee...

Chorus:



                Melody: "Wild Rose of the Mountain" c. Si Kahn
                Lyric c 2002, Dean Elkins

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 11:05 PM

'night Kat.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 10:48 AM

G'morning, Janie and everyone else.

Frogprince, that DID give me a chuckle!! Thanks, I'd love to hear you sing it, but understand about not recording it.

We were both so tired last night, we went to bed at 845p! And, Rog slept in a tiny bit this morning until 730p. He has been so tired out from the move and subsequent problems with equipment and morons...it will be good when it settles down.

I did pretty well yesterday. We had to drop off the car for an estimate, so I was home all day without transportation. I had plenty to do, worked on my nanowrimo novel, did some laundry and such. Rog came home for lunch which was nice. Then I took a nap after working on the computer a bit more.

Work up not feeling that upbeat, but no real anxiety. BUT, just about that car repair place called; it wasn't an engine compression problem, thank goodness, but it did need a tune-up with plugs, new plug wires, etc. to the tune of $350.00! It's been a long time since we've had to pay for such and I was a bit surprised and dismayed. I shouldn't have been, that car always knows just how much little extra we might have and waits to spend it for us at just the moment when we've both sighed with relief at having a little extra. As I said on another thread, i guess we should be happy it is so accommodating and waits until we actually have it!

By this time it about 330p. Rog had promised to be on standby if i felt really anxious and needed to get out of the house. I called him, not in too much of a panic, just wanting to get out of the house and comfirm what they said about the car. He started for home at just about 5p..we were going to go to the store together. A few minutes later he called to say he had to go back to work to make sure the kids knew how to run the remote truck for a live shot (no pun intended) at a possible bank robbery. He didn't have to go to the site, just back to the station. So, I was still stuck in the house, still no outright panic. I did go outside and sit on the steps landing for a few minutes, but that got cold. Came in and watched Tom Brokaw who was in town touting the health care system here. (I had a few choice words for him and was reminded why I dont' watch tv news.) By that time I was over any tinges of anxiety, Rog called and went to the store without me, which was okay, and then he was home. So I made it without freaking out over no wheels and Rog being here later than expected. Whatever you are all doing, THANK YEW, and please keep doing it, at least for a short while longer?!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 12:15 AM

Good night, Darlin' Kat.

May the long time sun shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on.

variously attributed as a yoga or old Irish blessing.

Blessed be.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 12:49 AM

one more victory, kat

keep up the good work

love from
sandra

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 07:57 AM

You GO, girl!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 01:08 PM

It's a lovely day here in Texas, and I heard from a friend in New York City that it is a gorgeous fall day there. It would be great if we all, each of us, had a fabulous fall day as our benchmark for this Friday.

Exercise will help with your mood and energy level, and for sleep, maybe a walk around the block after dinner, or before bedtime? Do you live in an area where you're comfortable with that?

Have a good productive weekend, Kat! And scribble scribble scribble!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: gnu
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 04:27 PM

Well... it's snowin and blowin here... and the hundreds of crows that roosted in my trees last night (massing for migration somewhere warmer, like Texas) lifted at daylight and shat all over the lawn, the barn, the patio, the driveway, the truck... I had to pick my steps around and between it just to go for milk and bread this morn.

Me dear old Mum said she figured the crows mass up in my trees and roost in same in spring is because we are kindred spirits.

I hope your kindred spirits are much kinder, kat. T's & P's at ya yet again.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 04:48 PM

Just last year gnu was arrested for sitting in his trees and taking a shit.............


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Hollowfox
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 05:04 PM

Lovely weather here in northeast Ohio. (thinking of you)

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 05:24 PM

Ya' know Fox.............What with gnu joining the crows and all, I think if I were you I'd be checking something out. I mean, it wouldn't be much of a stretch for the boy to move up to buzzard status and wind up next March 15 s(h)itting in a tree over in Hinckley. I was thinking maybe we ought to meet up there and see if he shows up. Then again, if he does, is that anything I really want to see?

.............geeziz................makes me shivver just to think about it.....................


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: gnu
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 06:03 PM

Buzzard? RAVEN lad, raven. The top bird. The wise one. Crows are a mere substitute for a city boy... alas... I don't get up to the bog country these days.

(Of course, the king of all birds is still the hummer.)

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: gnu
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 06:13 PM

kat.... that there Hummer is some bird. Smallest little thing on the go and can put a lickin on robins, cats, crows and many others. Just because it's small doesn't mean it's not mighty. It's the fortitude and attitude.

Keep hummin along, kat.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 06:13 PM

Gnu, you might want to reconsider........I know you're a trad sort of guy and the Buzzards of Hinckley Ohio are certainly a tradition......a really fuckin' weird tradition, but a tradition nonetheless!

The Annual Return of the Buzzards


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: gnu
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 06:27 PM

Sounds like a hoot, Spaw. I would try to say sommat halfway halfassed, but I am whooped from being awakened early by the spirits.... kindred or not.... I am falling asleep at the keyboard.

gnightfernowgnu

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Nov 09 - 12:13 AM

Oh, the images you two have conjured up! I have a big smile on my face and in my heart, right now. I love crows and ravens ergo I must love gnu, too!:-) Oh, and this IS just for gnu: hmmmmmmmmmmmm (big breath) hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, etc.!

Janie, that is beautiful, thanks. HFox, thanks and Sandra, too and everyone else.

I had a very busy day which was fun, but I am ready to fall in bed. Had Morgan for breakfast at 730a as his mom had to go to an early mtg. So I dropped him off at school at 830a, came home did a few things, then it was time to pick him up for lunch. We went to the park for a fast-food picnic, then he played on the slides, etc. with another little kindergarten boy who was there. Then we headed to town to look at shoes. I went out on a limb and decided to try birkenstocks, again, for the first time in about five years. They feel very strange to me, but I love their look and they are just ME, so I hope that I can wear them. I put tape on the bottoms so they won't scuff. I will only try them out at home for a few days as they will refund my money if they don't work out. I am hoping the work Dr. Jeri has done with my feet is enough for me to tolerate them again.

Then we stopped at the other shoe store to get my deposit back for some shoes which are on backorder for who knows how long, so i wasn't going to wait. Then, we hit the road with Morgan complaining that I was wearing him out! Then we went to a small newspaper's office to pick up rolls of unused paper for art projects. They just give them away for free. They are really great for a kid to have a blast with. We got one for his house and one for ours. About then, I realised my tank of O2 was empty, so we hightailed it to the O2 place which wasn't far away and got another bottle. By then, I was getting tired, too, so we headed home. Morgan managed to stay awake. We dropped off one roll of paper at his house, came home, went potty, he got out the UNO cards as that's what he'd been asking to do all day, and I got us half bagels and OJ. He'd just dealt the cards when his mom called him. He thought she said she'd be here soon, then we heard a beep-beep...she was in the driveway. By this time it's 330p, but we're having so much fun, he begs to stay she says yes, I beat his socks off a couple of hands of UNO, then he went home. It's okay, he beat my socks off this morning before school about six games worth.

All in all it was a pretty good day baring a couple of twinges sof anxiousness and some aches and pains and feeling tired, but you know what? It is a good tired because it is from being so active instead being tired from illness etc. Wow, what a new and welcome feeling.

I have not worked on the novel today or yesterday except in my head. I have a bunch of stuff I need to add in. On Sunday, there is a NaNoWriMo Write-In Event at the local library...four hours of nice quiet space filled with writers tapping away on their greatest hope. I've always eschewed getting into groups like that because I write well on my own, but I think it will be fun to just meet others and, if someone is fairly new, who knows, maybe I can show them the ropes.:-)

Tomorrow we may take Morgan to see a classical guitarist and a Native American dancer and singer at the library's culture fest.

Thank yew, thank yew, one and all!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Nov 09 - 07:46 AM

an excellent day

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 07 Nov 09 - 07:58 AM

Wonderful, Kat! I know you appreciate the precious time with Morgan, and you are filling his days with wonderful future memories. AND keeping yourself centered and balanced and healthy and all that very good stuff.

Love you~
Allison

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: KT
Date: 07 Nov 09 - 08:51 AM

Wow, kat! You're wearing me out just reading about your day! Ain't no moss growin' under THOSE birkies! Goodonya!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Nov 09 - 11:23 AM

Thanks, gals, with moderation in mind, I hope those kind of days won't be such rarities any more.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: gnu
Date: 07 Nov 09 - 12:04 PM

My post has disappeared?

Evermore, quoth the raven.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Nov 09 - 04:22 PM

I don't see any missing, gnu?

So far, another great day here, although my house is a mess. We played today! Did go get cat food and mail at the post office, but then we picked up Morgan and went to a culture fest at the downtown library. We were there for about 3-4 hours. It was small, but jam packed and wonderful. There were booths with country info, ethnic food & clothing, and some with musical instruments for China, Uganda, Nepal, Mexico, Navajo Nation & Lakota, Congo, Thailand, and some others which I missed.

We spent an hour listening to a guitarist talk about the classical guitar through the ages, playing beautiful examples and passing around copies of the sheet music, complete with tablature from the 1500s. Then we spent another hour listening to a Native American drummer/singer and his friend who makes and plays NA flutes. Beautiful! He even had a flute made from a sunflower stalk! Morgan did pretty good at sitting and listening. He was esp. interested in seeing all of the notes on paper and realizing the guy was playing all of them. He also drummed with the Ugandan guy who was really good with him.

We are home now, so it's catch-up time on housework, but I don't care. It was so much fun to just go play.