A request from kat- new blog posting-April 2010

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 06:22 PM

First of all {{{{BIG HUG}}}} from this ol' hillbilly...

Secondly, LACIBI!!! That's right... LACIBI...

Translation: "Life's a cinch, inch by inch"... But there is a seocond part to this little nugget of wisdom and that is, "Life is hard, yard by yard"...

Think this is purdy much what we all need to keep in our daily lives... We tend to look too hard at all the things we'd like to do, or have to do and that becomes cumbersome... It's only when we break down our goals into little bits and pieces of do-able stuff that coping with life becomes manageable... I have to remind myself several times a week about LACIBI...

Hope this helps, Kat, and know that you are not alone here... There is an entire community of folks here who can not only relate because they also have burdens but care deeply for one another...

Peace...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 11:05 PM

Kat,

When things are tough sometimes it means you have to look to smaller increments for moments that are purely pleasant and peaceful. When I move into a new place (as I've done many of times over the years) the first place I set up is in the kitchen, a place to heat water and brew a cup of tea, so I guess that means I have my own important tea ceremony of sorts. And I like serving tea to friends and family, it is a small nurturing gesture, whether for myself or others. I hope some similar personal ceremony comes to mind that you can use to focus and pamper yourself.

Do us a favor, if you can. If the leaves are turning or snow is falling on to tops of the hills or ridges, some beautiful seasonal place you like to visit, please take the time to go there and photograph it. If you post it so we can all take a look at it, I think you'll be providing an even richer conduit to your friends out here. It could be a favorite photo from before, but I think it might be more powerful to have a fresh photo of a beautiful place or subject.

I have a cup of tea brewing. . .

Maggie

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 11:38 PM

I think Luke needs to join Gargoyle.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Anne Lister
Date: 23 Oct 09 - 04:25 AM

Sending lots of love and warm hugs from this corner of Wales. We're having a tricky year, too, but friends are what makes it possible to keep seeing the positive, wherever possible. I'd suggest printing off this thread to read - maybe a copy in the bathroom and another in the kitchen?
Hug, hug, hug, hug, hug ...

Anne

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 23 Oct 09 - 06:32 AM

Hugs 'n' positive thoughts coming across the pond from me, too katluv.

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: sing4peace
Date: 23 Oct 09 - 03:58 PM

Love and light and all things positive. From my house to yours.
Prrrrr Prrrrrr Prrrrr Prrrrrr Prrrrrr Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Joyce

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Oct 09 - 05:55 PM

My apologies for not addressing each of you...your messages mean a lot to me and I would respond in kind, just don't have the focus, yet. I have made it, mostly, through another day, esp. another afternoon without too much "flight" going on. Did go out to a store just to get out and about. I will probably meet Rog at the grocery store in a little bit. SRS, I took the camera but didn't see anything. I tried to get one of some baby alpacas but they had them in the barn away from the road and photo ops, so...maybe this weekend. I am looking forward to a whole day with Rog tomorrow and Sunday.

I thought I was stronger about coming to MUdcat then I just saw two BS thread titles which really bothered me and conjured up horrible images, so I will have to continue to be careful.

I would say it does no good to have more reasons to be fearful piled on when one is feeling so anxious already...no matter how well meaning that kind of *tough* love might be.

Thanks to you all,

kat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: SharonA
Date: 23 Oct 09 - 07:01 PM

Wow, kat, if thread titles are sending you into a tizzy, then things are more serious than I thought. Time to ask your doc to change your medications to something that won't cause such a high level of anxiety. No, don't ask him -- tell him.

True confessions time: I find that cartoons for young children are relaxing for me when I'm on edge. The soft colors, simple songs and cute characters calm me, and the problems faced by the characters are simple and always solved by the happy ending of the show. If you have cable, try tuning in to the Nick Jr. channel. If not, borrow some videos/DVD's at your local library or buy 'em cheap at a thrift store.

Awwww, you've got baby alpacas nearby in your neighborhood? Lucky you!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: topical tom
Date: 23 Oct 09 - 07:12 PM

All best wishes to you, Kat. Please, listen to your friends here on Mudcat. We have you in our prayers and in our hearts. Rest assured, we all wish you the very best and please, stay with us!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: open mike
Date: 23 Oct 09 - 10:15 PM

here are some dulcimer tunes to get you goin

turkey in the straw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugyUXC6L_c0

whiskey before breakfast
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INu3UQ35yVk&feature=related

amazing grace
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3Z63rYU0lI&feature=related

greensleeves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_D81tMLpFY&feature=related

farther along..on a bowed dulcimer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWKGfn63in0&feature=related

and as sung by the peasall sisters...who were in O Brother...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc6mcKUucaw&feature=related

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 05:30 AM

Heya Kat

maybe ya should hang out here for a bit.

Take a comphy chair and a picnic lunch with flask of your fav hot beverage.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 05:56 AM

Great list, open mike, thanks! VTam, looks nice!

Don't know why, but here I am, not a lick of sleep since my head hit the pillow at 1130p, so I gave up, for now at least. Excited about Rog and I having the weekend together, again and all that we will do. My mind keeps trying to go off on a tangent of doom and gloom so I've been busy reining it back in...I think I will have a good nap this morning when Rog is driving us around to our errands!

No tylenol, no albuterol,and no claritin for almost two weeks now and I am getting better sleep, when I get it. This is really the only very l-o-n-g night I've had since giving those up. I am convinced some of the anxiety is from PTSD over the past six months, esp. in dealing with an authoritarian doc with whom I feel I had to fight tooth and nail when he wanted to go off on tangents with a bunch of unnecessary tests when I knew what the problem was and had to prove it to him. When I think of that, I am determined to get a new doctor, but the anxiety then rears up and says...ugh...having to explain everything...get up to speed with a new doc...so much work and what if...then I yell "STOP" and redirect my mind. IF I can give myself some time and take each day then I don't feel so anxious. For those of you who may be very concerned, I have an appt. on Nov. 2nd to see a therapist recommended by the woman doc I go to for OMT. I trust her judgement implicitly, so am looking forward to the appt. Now I am getting sleepy, so maybe I am off to dream.:-) Thanks for listening.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 05:57 AM

comfy not comphy chair... too much pain not enough pain killer last night.

brain not engaging this morning... time for a nap.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 08:27 AM

Kat, if you read all of this post I think you will see a lot of things that might appeal. So go with me here a moment, OK.

Therapy (I am not arguing with you) is a two-edged sword. MOST therapists are so wedded to their particular discipline that it can be hard to make use of it without treading hard on one's own core beliefs and valuable learned experience.

A discipline that I think offers great promise for high-functioning, highly-evolved people is CBT. CBT combines well-- really well-- with a peer counseling discipline I know well and trust through experience both from the counselor role and the client role.

CBT is particularly effective with anxiety loops. If one uses the CBT tools to reach the threshold of feelings which can then be dissolved (healed) via co-counseling tools (see www.rc.org), then one can harness the spiritual side of redeeming difficult areas (from whatever is one's particular spiritual discipline. (RC lacks the spirit side.)

In other words, these are three highly practical tools that can be used synergistically in a self-directed way (highlightng intentionality), and combined so that a multiplicity of goals are reachable in a surprisingly fast way and also in a seriously FUN way.

With all three tools, which can be used simultaneously and/or serially as desired, the focus can be kept on the positive.


So--

You might want to look into CBT (google it) and RC and see if they might be a good fit. Of course you already have the third tool in the set I'm describing. You're close on the RC-- but the postulates it's based upon are at the site I referenced above and there's a lot of personal power wrapped in there that you may not fully know about as yet.

If you have any questions I prefer phone or PM.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 12:37 PM

Susan reminds me of a couple of times when something was bothering me to the point that I couldn't get to sleep, that I was dwelling on the issue and lay sleepless in bed, going over the loop because I couldn't see an answer. When the answer finally did dawn on me I was able to sleep. (In one instance it was a simple post office box question, actually, but the friend who was supposed to check it told me she was locked out after I forwarded mail from it. I finally in the wee hours realized they must have closed it when I didn't put an end date on the forwarding. I ran a small business with that box and was afraid I'd lose mail if my friend didn't check it for me.)

I'm also thinking of how long it took me to take control of my finances. I'd set up an IRA in the main brokerage in our very small town, and it seemed to languish for years. And then, again after the move, and after a divorce, about 10 years ago, I took control. I set up a new account with Vanguard and wrote a letter with the online form I'd printed from Vanguard, and waited. And pretty soon the paper work came saying I had a new account and the old Dean Witter account was closed. And my money began to grow quickly, no longer burdened by the fees and charges and nonsense of the original brokerage. I felt so good, so in charge, finally.

Kat, if you're just thinking about changing doctors, then give yourself permission and just do it. Plan to take the time to fill out the forms (and speak up for some kind of medical records reforms soon so we don't have to go through all of the paperwork shit every time we see a new doctor). You'll feel so good about making the change, getting away from that doctor you don't like. You'll be able to sleep again. It will make you a lot happier instantly, to have that weight off your mind. You don't need our permission, but I hope our encouragement helps you make that big step.

Finally, my thought about the picture wasn't to make more work for you in looking for a place of beauty; it can be very small or even a gorgeous flower in your yard. I wanted to give us a focal point of beauty through your eyes. That photo a couple of posts up is gorgeous, but it's taken by someone else. I'd like to look at your photo and know that you took time to visit this beautiful place or object, to breathe deep, and to just enjoy the moment. We should all do this, actually. I'll go look for a pretty spot today. Our creek out back is quite full after all of the rain, and there is some pretty color over on the far bank near the bridge. I wonder if there is a good reflection?

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 01:37 PM

And SRS reminds me of a sleep issue I had a HELL of a time sorting out. I sorted out the worry side. I sorted out the not-enough-exercise side. I sorted out the too-warm side. I sorted out the pre-per-post- menopause side. I sorted out the caffeine side. I sorted out the full-spectrum lighting side. ALl these were good for me, but there was still a sleep issue....

I had forgotten to honor my body's demand for calories. After an hour of trying to go back to sleep I'd realize I was hungry. But with a timely, tiny health-snack-- I dropped right back off.

Not dysfunctional, stay-fat calories. Calories I'd rushed past in the busy day, that left me short on the new, higher activity level.

Hardi was having the same trouble, from a different metabolic starting point.

For both of us the solution was mini-meals (I've written about them before). We divided the small, planned dinners in half. Half at dinner, half at bedtime. Weight loss AND sleep occurred.

NOW the only sleep issue is a spiritual one-- something will be tugging at me to grow/learn/stretch. Not a worry. An invitation to explore something without distraction. So the other sleep aid is an MP3 player left waiting by the spare bed, where I can curl up for my latest spirituality book, and drop off or not, as the spirit moves me. Very productive time, that. I understand human beans left to their own devices often DO divide up their sleep, just like we now divide up our calories-- wisdom time, magic time. In dark or dimmed lighting, like a smoldering Native campfire in the teepee in he long, dark winter.

But this can leave me dangerously short on sleep-- I still have to live in the normal world and at least attempt to shadow Hardi's insanely non-predictable ministry schedule-- SOMEbuddy has to feed him when he forgets to eat, and he's T2 diabetic now on top of it.

So to make full use of that wisdom time, I also had to solve a vision issue. Turns out a good portion of my mentally-scattered thing, post-stroke, has had to do with a wandering eye that uses far more brainpower than normal vision does. Fixed that best I can-- it's not an exact science-- and now I can do fine for a night or two of short sleep before catching up. Used to were, a short night left me absolutely nuts. Pretending to have a working brain. Very dangerous way to operate!!! :~)

Better to "fix" than to "cope." :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 02:07 PM

Kat dear, as I write this it's early evening, I'm looking out at a large beautiful crescent moon rising over the trees on the back field, and thinking of you, sending hugs and healing harp music from Ireland. I'm going to aim them at the moon and then bounce them down to you.

It's a waxing moon, growing fuller and brighter with every passing day. And so will you.


B   xxxxx

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 04:14 PM

Thanks, Bonnie...sounds very lovely and peacefull.

SRS, I didn't feel any pressure...just didn't see anything which struck my fancy except the magpies and I didn't have my camera then. I'll keep an eye out on tomorrow's ride. I did post some past fav. in the old cemeteries thread.

I don't want to get into trying to answer each person in a post or two as I will miss someone. I am reading and appreciate what folks are suggesting though I may not always agree. I am most grateful for the expressions of care, support, love. I have a lot of good tools, already and key folks with whom I already communicate; this time I think they could use a respite or additional backup so to speak...thus here I am and thus the therapist for a few trips.

So far, today, I am feeling more at ease, I suppose because Rog is here and we did get some errands done this morning. I will be glad of a good night's sleep tonight. Part of last night's problem was dehydration...still having some effect today, but getting better.

I was going to post the long, dreary story of all that has gone on, but I don't think I want all of that "out" there. It's enough to say every week from the first of April to end of Sept. was the doc wanting more blood tests, wanting many more invasive tests, etc. with me saying no wait, let's see, I know what this is...we've been here before, to him warning me with all kinds of dire predictions, his nurse calling to say he really wanted me to reconsider because WHAT IF...they gave no credit for what a person can really know about their own body...no pollyanna shite in sight, based on past medical records of past 5 years. (Looks as though I am going to blither anyway:-)

On top of all of that, when I said no to all of the extreme tests he wanted to get done, he sent me to the cardio to make sure THAT wasn't causing the "problem." The cardio scared the hell out of me muttering something about loose stitches AND open heart surgery to fix any they might find! AFTER all of that, my regular doc's in-house tests show the heart and lungs doing fine and well and I proved I know my body, but they put me in a horrible tailspin and I became fearful and dependent thinking I had to look to them for every little thing which bugged my body...they undermined my confidence and I am just now starting to get it back. To be fair to the doc, I did confront him at one point and he apologised, but it's the authoritative way of him that I will not deal with any more.

The other thing which really pushed me over the top in the past two weeks was a friend with whom I have counselled before...she is not as skilled in non-threatening, non-accusatory language as I am, but she is brilliant and comes up with good and helpful stuff, usually. Not so recently. She went off on how much she hates allopathic medicine and how it had made me a hypochondriac, though she agreed it had only been in the past few months that she heard me talking so much about my health and the docs, and a bunch of other crap. I felt as though I'd been sucker-punched and it took me a week to get her out of my head. She sent an email apology, but again had to just "reiterate" what she meant, as if I did not get it! Okay, that's enough. Thanks for listening. And, thanks for your support...better, but still fragile.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 05:09 PM

With that kind of friend, as they say, one doesn't need enemies. :-(

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 05:45 PM

Kat, I think it's safe to say that those of us posting here trust you to take the best and leave the rest. You will know what you need.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: gnu
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 07:53 PM

Fragilé.... that's Italian...

Line from an old movie. If you saw it, you would appreciate that. If not, you wouldn't.

Don't mind me. If you did, you wouldn't.

I have no words of wisdom at add. Just wanted to say I am still hear...ing you.

Take care.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Rowan
Date: 24 Oct 09 - 10:14 PM

There was a time, when I teaching and stressing a bit with my inability to solve global problems, when I found it very useful to go home for lunch (ie, take myself away from the location where the problems were ever-present) and sit in the sun, on a stump in the front garden (it was planted with lots of Oz natives and had leaf-litter mulch instead of a lawn), and watch the ants going about their business. A bit like Stilly's and Bonnie's images, if not as beautiful

It cleared the mind, allowing me to relax. It might be something to add to your armoury of techniques.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Gweltas
Date: 25 Oct 09 - 12:55 AM

Here is a ((((((((((((((GREAT BIG ELECTRONIC HUG)))))))))))))) from Cornwall, UK....... all you gotta do is add water !!
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and remembering with gratitude how kind and helpful you were to me earlier this year, bless you.
Best wishes,
Anne XX

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: KT
Date: 25 Oct 09 - 03:25 AM

katdarlin' - you may not be realizing this right now, but you ARE going to come through this and feel good again! Just wanted to remind you of that, 'cause at times like this, it's easy to forget.   In the meantime, DO sing.   Sing loud and long and with gusto! Singing helps heal many ailments, and can really help with anxiety.
I'll take you with me on another lovely walk tomorrow.
kt

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 25 Oct 09 - 01:36 PM

Thinking of you, Darlin' Kat.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 25 Oct 09 - 06:57 PM

Thank you, KT. It IS important to be reminded that this is temporary. I spoke with my niece last night. She is a very wise, genius-type with both feet planted on earth and an incredible bit of experience. She talked me through a nasty attack and called back today to help me with my confidence and doc issues. The major thing today is we finally moved the computers. THAT, I think, is going to make a BIG difference. I will post most about it in the declutter thread.

My plan for tomorrow is to call for an appt. with a new doc to go meet her and see if we would be a good "fit." I will also start putting my old office back together...it is a huge mess!

Thanks for all of the PMs. I managed a tiny walk and did some qi gong and that helps. My Rog is worn out beyond belief..if you have any spare energy to send him, it would be appreciated. The move is now in the put-it-all-together and make it all work even better AND install some other all new systems which have learning curves.

Right now, I am typing this in the dining room, just across from the kitchen where Rog is, while we listen to NPR on the radio and it is really nice to be out here instead of feeling so isolated back in the office. Now it will be strictly for writing, jewellery-making, and meditation.

Thank you, my friends.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: gnu
Date: 25 Oct 09 - 07:50 PM

Thanks for sharing.... said it before... like Red Green says, "We're all in this together."

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 25 Oct 09 - 10:33 PM

Goodnight, Kat. Wishing you peaceful sleep and sweet dreams as I head off to bed.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 01:19 AM

I generated a few endorphins this afternoon and evening by rearranging furniture while some sauce simmered and was processed (canning). Studies show that work that involves a strenuous workout that generates an immediate effect (like a new look in the room, or mowing a lawn, etc.) is very good for you. Maybe you and Rog can look for just one modest thing to move around the house, to give a little exercise and give the house a new look.

Just a thought. One step at a time! Take care, and sweet dreams.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: mouldy
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 07:31 AM

Many years ago I suffered a lot from panic attacks - I was afraid to sleep, because I was needing to be aware of my heartbeat (you know how sometimes you can hear it when you lay your head on the pillow). I thought I might die if I lost "control" of that. Add to that the panic attacks during the day when I felt I could hardly breathe, the pulse rate of 120, etc...
It was all brought on by a cumulation of stressful events, and triggered by Ian falling on our guinea pig whilst trying to catch it, and sadly killing it - two days later the panic attacks started.

All this preamble is merely to say that I started to recover from the minute I was told by one of our local doctors that I would get better, but that it would take time. He said I had had a lot on my plate (newly married, long journey to and from work on public transport, husband working shifts, visiting mother in law with terminal cancer), and the event with the guinea pig had been like a rock thrown into a pond which creates a big splash and waves. In time the ripples get further apart and smaller, till they eventually disappear. It took a few months and some pills (which I weaned myself off asap), but I did recover.

Kat, love, you have been through a lot of late, and it is bound to have some knock-on effects, especially when you have had emotional trauma on top of having to take so many drugs. You may have been feeling some of the withdrawal effects from them, or some delayed reaction to the emotional load. I really hope you are starting to move forward, but don't beat yourself up if you find that some days you stand still! All you want is that the days moving forward at some point outnumber all the rest!

Andrea x

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 11:10 AM

Kat - I'm afraid I haven't read through the whole thread so I might be repeating others comments.

Remember Valerian for night-time, to get through those early hours lying awake stressing nights. Works very well.

Passiflora is super for daytime, very calming.

Check out the wonderful Thich Nhat Hanh's Walking Meditation
Great little book for learning a gentle walking version of Zen Sitting - or clearing the mind and maintaining a state of calm mindful presence, while staying fully centered in the body.
Zen Sitting or traditional sitting meditation sounds all well and good for relaxation, but if you're stressed, sometimes *trying* to sit still and *just* breathe can actually make things worse! Plus you might chill out for half an hour, but what about when suddenly the phone's back on, the dogs barking and there's other stuff going on that you have to deal with? This book is a little gem. And one of my favourite books for getting to grips with a form of very simple wholistic meditative practice that has real results. I must confess my own practice has dropped off through laziness in recent months, but once you get into it for a few weeks, it starts to come together and helps *everyday* activities become calming.

Another book I have on a similar theme is called Transforming Housework, basically about the art of utilising everyday housework chores as mindful practice to centre in the here and now and gain mastery over all that OCD mind spinning stuff.

Such methods of using ordinary daily activities as calming mindful practice work for me anyway (though one does need to keep at it.)

Hope you find something that helps you.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 11:58 AM

Ooops, actually make that: "The Transformation of Housework" - for what it's worth!
SRS mentions 'Tea Ceremonies' below, again another practical way to create and "anchor" calm mental states, onto ordinary everyday activities. Another plus is that you can use soothing herbs such as Chamomile and Lemon Balm in conjunction with the routine. And two further little books I really like: Healing Aromatherapy Bath & Herbal Dream Pillows for practical wholistic approaches to managing difficult mental & emotional states, including stress & insomnia. This is probably more "stuff" than you need, but I've found all these approaches helpful - so throw them up in case..

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 10:48 PM

I had some major anxiety last night. This morning, I called Dr. Jeri's office, the woman who does OMT. I was going to just ask her for more xanax (I've had two, one each the past two nights and it has helped) until I see the therapist on Nov. 2. They said she had an opening this morning, so I went in to see her. She thinks the serotonin levels in my brain were depleted and haven't caught up to how much better I am doing physically. She would have preferred putting me on a anti-depressant, but I don't feel that depressed and also don't like the idea of taking something new. At least with xanax I know what to expect and can get some sleep. I only have 20 tabs and my docs know I don't have a problem with getting off of it. I am also going to look into natural remedies for the serotonin. She also recommended another doc in their practice whom she thinks I would like a lot better that my PCP. The guy she recommended is more wholistic, spiritual,. and calm...so, though I feel some anxiety about just making the call, I am going to call and see if I can get into see him in the next month. If I can't or don't like him for some reason, she has also given me the name of a woman who is coming to a new practice in Dec. or Jan. Either way, I will be getting a new doc!

I know I don't need permission from any one about what to do with my body, but she suggested that I could take a half of a xanax during the day if I felt an attack coming on; I've been using them at night only. I think just her "giving me permission" to do so had a big effect as I have not had any anxiety of any significance today. Of course, I know that has a lot to do with you all, too. So that's me...an update and being cautiously optimistic.:-)

Thanks and luvya,

kat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 11:28 PM

Miss Kitty - see pm.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Oct 09 - 11:37 PM

Sometimes the act of "giving permission" is simply a reassurance, a way to tell someone that their own instincts are correct.

I've been giving my son a cup of tea in the evening, chamomile usually. I was giving him one for a sore throat while he was under the weather, and thought I'd continue the practice now. As Crow Sister mentions, it's a soothing tea and I'm hoping to get him to eventually change his homework pattern, doing it earlier in the evening and getting to bed at a decent hour. I'm building the tea ceremony into easing toward bedtime.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 12:17 AM

This therapeutic film has been scientifically proven to cheer up anyone, no matter how deep their depression. I prescribe that you watch this twice, and then practice repeating the entire song/mantra until you can repeat it word for word.

namaste, and the Blessing of the Green Fedora on you

LEJ

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: KT
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 01:41 AM

Even more delightful than the film, LEJ, is imagining you watching it! How in the world did you find that?

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 03:28 AM

For sleepless nights do check out:

Valerian Root

It Works (has a recorded history of use with war-trauma victims) though like me - you might want to err 'experiment' a little with dosage, is non-addictive and if bought in capsule form can be used as a night-time tea. If I'm having a very crap night, I keep some by the bed - or I might simply get up for half an hour for a cup of valerian tea and end up dozing off for the rest of the night on the sofa with a book and blanket (a 'change of scene' can help to break the anxiety cycle too). It should help ease you off the drugs, without it causing such a shock to the nervous system.
It does however smell of poopydoo! And my cats (for some mysterious reason??) seem to just love it...

Try St. Johns Wort for the happy stuff. It Works too, has been successfully tested in trails. After a couple of weeks it's like the sun coming out from behind clouds - was better than Prozac for me. In fact I believe Dr.s in Germany prescribe it for depression/anxiety.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 11:46 AM

OH thanks, LeeJ! Now I am going to wonder if the weasel gets the baby!**bg** I will try singing it. One of the things i haven't mentioned is I don't have much of a voice right now, surprise, surprise, right? Rog and I both had colds. I am over it except fora very dry throat, some congestion which has settled in my throat, so I am kind of raspy at the moment. Drinking lots of water, etc. for it.

Crow Sister, thank you so much for the information. I am unable to do either of those for interaction reasons, BUT I really appreciate your input about them. Before heart surgery, herbs were absolutely where I would first turn; I even went out on St. JOhn's day for gather the flowers, etc. to make my own oil of St. John's wort for treating bruises, etc. I also used only herbs when going through men o'pause.:-)

I still feel better this morning, folks. The greetings here and PMs are helping a lot. Thanks so much and wish me luck for the day, please?

kat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 11:54 AM

Anxiety and panic attackes can be a sign of depression, Miss Kitty. St. John's Wort can help but with clinical depression a prescription drug may be in order. Watch what you are doing just before going to bed. I play online poker and it exhausts me but when I play word games I get too hyper to sleep. Not sure why. But find your sleep inducer and keep it in your schedule.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 11:56 AM

A trick I use to fall asleep when it just won't happen is to relax and count backwards from 2000. I picture each number as I count and eventually fall asleep. Worth a try.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 12:32 PM

Thanks, Sins. I have changed what I do when I go to bed; for the first time in my life I am not reading in bed. There have been a few books, lately, which have kept me awake because I wanted to know what happens next! The only thing which helps, right now, is music, specifically Native American flute, some tapes I've had for umpteen years which evoke some happy memories. St. John's Wort is out due to the warfarin. Thanks to another Mudcatter who shared their experience, I am going to talk with my doc more about antidepressants, but i am still going to see what else I can do about the serotonins, on my own.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Tinker
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 02:47 PM

Kat, if your Vitamin D levels haven't been check please add that to your list to check with the Doctor. Those who have multiple medical issues are likely to have this one slide in with the others and it can set the pot stirring all sorts of issues, especially as we get less and less sun this time of year.... (And it's not too difficult to treat....)

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 03:22 PM

I've always preferred the Talking Cure for depression. It seems to get more to the heart of the matter rather than just treat symptoms. So far it has worked. And they (a nebulous group, "they," but I can probably dig up a citation) say that having a good friend to talk to can be as good as a psychotherapist.

I've seen that cartoon before, I probably have it on a tape here somewhere. I think it's safe to say that the weasle gets it in the end. I made tapes from the television when the kids were small so I could pop one in when needed to provide a little old fashioned entertainment. Amazing how well those still work, isn't it? What a laugh!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 10:04 PM

G'night, Kat.

Rest well.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 11:38 PM

Thanks, Janie, I will.

Tink, back when all of this started, I had some terrible few weeks of horrible muscle cramps..all of my electrolytes, etc. were off. I'd been doing vitamin D, have done for years, but they added magnesium and calcium to the mix and finally, checking the blood tests about every week, it seemed, got my levels to an acceptable level. I think they still are, esp. the D because, in Colorado, we never get less sunshine, or at least it seems like we don't!:-)

I figured the weasel would lose, SRS, thanks, though.:-)

Had a bit of a down this afternoon, but had to run a couple of errands which got me out of the house and better. G'night and thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Oct 09 - 12:50 PM

It's amazing how much of an effect physical activity, even gently done, can affect mood. That and being with other people can be very efficacious.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Oct 09 - 12:54 PM

I KNOW that you know what you are doing, Kat (GO KAT!), (and this is not an argument or a power-struggle statement), but it keeps coming into my mind to reiterate that CBT and RC are both qualitatively different from the things you are doing, and that they would be worth a short look online if you have not looked at them.

Vitamin D needs your skin to be outdoors to make it, hope you know that....


Hey. See my declut-thread post just posted. Come see us sometime? Olddude lives not too far... Mmario..... Max is 2 hours from here....

Hm..... spring WILL come, even here......

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 28 Oct 09 - 03:01 PM

Some thoughts which have cheered me on:

may the sun bring you new energy by day.
may the moon softly restore you by night.
may the rain wash away your worries.
may the breeze blow new strength into your being.
may you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life.
an apache prayer


This poem by a wonderful musician person gave me a lift on a blue morning:
"Like the power of the ocean
You may feel you are falling
But it's been there all the time
You may think your boat is sinking
But it's not it's just you've been thinking
You have been drifting on another tide

If you look to distant horizons
The answers you may find them
Don't expect them to wash ashore
Your dreams will last forever
And one day you will remember
The life you lived here once before"

David Valentine Taylor 1994

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. ~ Maya Angelou ~

May you come to this:
All the agony that threatened to destroy my life now seems like the fertile ground for greater trust, stronger hope, and deeper love." Henri Nouwen

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 09 - 04:08 PM

Taking vitamin D and magnesium certainly seems to have helped me combat depression. Physical exercise is good too, but my innate laziness sometimes interferes with that... ;-)

Watching a really funny movie now and then can always help too. I wish I had a whole library of Charlie Chaplin's classic films here.