BS: The mither of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 10:03 PM

Too many Dachshunds peed on your posts, year after year, until they finally rotted, fell down, and were gradually broken down by bugs and microbes and became indistinguishable from the surrounding soil. You need to erect some new posts.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 09:07 PM

What happened to my posts? Did they rot away or something, like Shame's "equipment" is?

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 01:03 PM

And by the way, there ARE people outside Mudcat who know about Shane McBride. Namely...various of my friends, and quite a few people on Facebook.

Shane, of course, is a legend in his own mind and is convinced that he is known and admired the world over for his many amazing skills, most of which have to do with getting drunk, getting stoned, getting arrested, and harassing the local women in an oafish and unproductive fashion.

Oh, and stealing local vehicles too, specially snowmobiles. Can't forget that!

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 11:54 AM

Just do a search for "Shane" in the filter box, search "All" past posts, and ye shall find, Gutcher!

To help you out, I have refreshed one of them.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 11:38 AM

Mudcatter and neighbor Gutcher,
Shane McBride is a Mudcat Insider.
He is as Inside as you can get.
Shane McBride is so Inside the Mudcat
that I would be no end of surprised
if anyone Outside the Mudcat has an inkling of his existence.

I'm a relative newbie to Mudcat
and I find myself acknowledging Shane McBride
by dodging out of the way whenever
certain Mudcat longtimers
holler that Shane McBride is near.
I've never actually laid eye nor ear on him myself.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Gutcher
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 11:07 AM

A question LH-----who is Shane McBride?

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 10:16 AM

Astounding! 'Tis a pi'y that Shane McBride will ne'er succeed in mastering sich dialect.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Gutcher
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 07:48 AM

"Atweel lassie ye ur aa loesum kimmer en ma fegs ye hae a braw twaesum o paps. It"s aiblins, gin ye wur afeerin, wi cuid forgedder i the yow-trammel fur aa darg o houghmagandy---gin ye wad spier whit aa hud bin troopin tae ye aa wid hae tae souch et intae yir lug".

How to proposition a modern miss without fear of receiving a skelp on the lug.
The name of the chosen one could be substituted for lassie.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Kenny B (inactive)
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 06:18 AM

Doric is a Scots dialect from the north east ie Aberdeenshire & surrounding areas.
In Doric one complete sentence can contain the same word five timse and make sense to a Doric speaker
Spoken       "Fit fit fit fit fit"
translation "Which shoe fits which foot"

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 11:05 PM

Bravo!!!

Subject: ADD: Bowl Aboot (Alexander Anderson)
From: Kenny B (inactive)
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 04:51 PM

A wee Scottish poem about a domestic argument

BOWL ABOOT
By Alexander Anderson

Lang Jock McLean the toozie loon,
Was ken'd an' noted roon' an' roon'
As ane wha couldna let abee
The drink when signboards took his e'e;

But in wid bang wi richt guidwill,
Cryin'"Landlady bring in a gill"
Then if some drouthie frien's cam' in,
The glasses roon' an' roon' wid spin
Till ilka ane began to feel,
His nodddle spinnin' like a wheel,

But Jock is noo fu snod an' douce,
An' never heeds a public hoose,
An' how this cam tae be wrocht oot,
Was simply done by "bowl aboot",

Ae nicht as jock cam fae the toon,
As usual wi' a dizzy croon,
He staucher'd on fu' gruff an' grim
For a' things had gone wrang wi him,

So he resolved tae lay the blame,
O' a' if ever he got safely hame,
On Jean wha sat alane puir body,
Cursin' late hours an' steamin' toddy,

At length she heard him at the sneck
But never jee'd or turned her neck
Then in he cam' wi' ae lang stagger
An' looked roon' him wi a swagger,

Roared oot as he tried tae be steady,
"Jean, where's my supper? get it ready"
But aye she sat upon the stule,
Nor spak' a sentence guid or ill,

Then wi' an oath that wasna made,
For print, Jock tae the dresser gaed,
Took up a bowl an ' turnin' roon',
He heaved it up abune his croon,
An crash! It gaed upon the flair,
In fifty different bits an' mair,



Then Jean as mad as mad could be,
Sprang up sic spitefu' wark tae see,
Ran tae the dresser took anither,
An crashed it doon withoot a swither,
Then turned tae Jock, half skriechin' oot,
"Come on, ye deevil, Bowl aboot"

Then mercy me what wark began-
Bowl after bowl in flinners span,
An' aye as Jock himsel' took ane,
Jean seized its mate an' made it spin,
Baith wrocht as if for life an death,
Not stoppit tae recruit their breath,

But crash an' crash went bowl an' plate,
Till Jock half-ruein' at their fate,
Began to parley for cessation,
O' siccan dreid exclamantion,
"Haud Jean" he cried wi savage broo
"Own that this ploy began wi you,
An' no ither bowl by token,
This nicht between us will be broken,"

"Na faith I, Jock" Jean cried ""Ower lang,
I've listened to the same auld sang,
Hae borne yer bickerin' smash an' talk,
Nor gied ye an ill answer back,

Hae sat up many a weary nicht,
My heart up in my throat wi' fricht,
Thinkin' ye micht fa' ower the brig,
When rains had made the water big,

But come what may be't guid or ill,
This nicht I'll let ye hae yer fill,
So bowl aboot an' see wha's the winner,
Ye guid-fur-naethin' drunkin' sinner,

There's mine" - an' ere he was aware,
Jean smashed her bowl upon the flair
An ' Jock (his peaceful thochts in vain),
Swore an' fell to his wark again,


Till ashets, bowls, broth plates an a',
That looked sae nicely in a raw,
Lay on the flair - a broken harl,
The ruins o a crockery warl,

Next mornin' when Jock rase an saw,
The awful smash he scarce could draw,
His trooser on, but glowered to see't,
Until he nearly cut his feet,

Among the broken skelps that lay,
Like snowflakes on a winter's day,
Then wi' a scairt at his braid croon,
He gied a grum'le an sat doon,
To sup his parritch oot a pot,
For nae hale plate was in the lot,

But just afore he daun'ered oot,
He gied a boast an' turned aboot,
Flung doon his purse upon a chair,
Then pointed to the dresser bare,
Sic action said to Jean fu' plain,
"There, get the dresser fill'd again,"

That nicht when Jock fae wark cam' hame,
The fire shot oot a cheerfu' flame,
As far's the dresser where new delf
Was nicely ranged upon each shelf,

The table sat afore the fire,
An oan it was a' that ane could desire,
An' by it sat Jean a' the while,
Upon her face a cheerfu' smile,

Jock glowered an wonner'd when he saw,
His hoose sae snod, an' trig, an' braw,
At length when he had ate his fill,
He sat but keepit thinkin' still,

Until at last he turned to Jean,
An said, the big tears in his een,
"Wife, I hae thocht an' still I think,
I've been ower lang the fule o' drink,
But here this very nicht I voo,
To be a better man to you,
An leave gill stoops an' a' their mirth,
For purer joys beside the hearth,

For here's my han' t'ye as a proof,"
Jean rase an took his honest loof,
Kiss'd him an' ca'd him John an' grat,
Wi joy that it had come to that,

Blessin' sic was her happy state,
The breakin o' each bowl an' plate,
For plainly it was that brocht on,
The wish'd for happy change in John,

Frae that to this, as far's I've heard,
Jock aye has stick't to his word,
Comes home fu' sober, ticht an' square,
At nicht frae big Drumshauchle fair,

An' Jean since he has left the drappie,
Is noo fu' cheerful bien an' happy,
But aye when Jock prepares to gang,
To fairs an' roups an' sic like thrang,

She snods him up wi' great respeck,
Twines a big gravit roon' his neck,
Convoys him halfway doon the green,
Then wi' a smile aboot her een,
Stops, pu's his beard, an whispers oot-
"Noo Jock keep min' or bowl aboot!"

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 04:23 PM

That's grrreat poetry! Wha can gie us mare?

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 May 16 - 07:28 PM

Good for you, you got "makar" in there.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 16 - 09:10 AM

They are fermin the fower winds:                        
Five grey- stemmed daffodils                                
on the hill abuin Eynhallow                                
that whirlmagig air intil pouer.                        

Aa Simmerdim on Flotta –
a thrummlin column o virr:
the fleerin ee o Sauron lowps
and rages in its touer.

...Sunlicht asklent a green wave
maun be wrocht as an equation:
the Physic mind is mappamouned
whaur aa is swack and sure.

The makar speirs the silence,
raiks the taigle o time-wrack
for signs and kennings, patterns
thrang in his hairst o hours.

            --C. Chimp

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 May 16 - 04:14 PM

"To the Glasgow people I would say only one word, but that is of gold:
I have not written a book about Glasgow."

--"Edinburgh,"   Robert Louis Stevenson

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 01 May 16 - 12:33 PM

Ed T... my Murrays were Scottish....
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clan_Murray

Google says the name was used in both countries, but seems to be older and more common in Scotland https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murray_(surname)

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 May 16 - 02:23 AM

Wha wull be mither tae aw' Scotland?

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 16 - 09:16 PM

You, too, can learn to insult people in Scots!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 28 Apr 16 - 07:54 PM

Bill D:

Weren't the Murrays Irish? Or, were they transplanted to Ireland in later years?

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Gallus Moll
Date: 28 Apr 16 - 07:48 PM

Rapparee, Ah dinna think Robert Burns spoke or wrote in Gaelic- - Ayrshire Scots and sometimes English -- (Scots Wha Hae)

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Apr 16 - 05:53 PM

Apropos the Luath Scots Language Learner, recommended by Little Hawk, post dated 30 November 2009:

both the book, and the compact disc that goes with it, are on my bookshelf.

Since I'm a Yankee, I'll critique them in Yanktalk.

The book anchors itself in the Scots of what used to be Banffshire, don't know what it is called today, and also leans towards Aberdeen. Geographically this orientation in Scotland is to the Northeast. It favors the coast, and the fishermen, of that region.

Well, George MacDonald, the great fantasy author (his writing persuaded C.S. Lewis to attempt fantasy), was an Aberdonian, so there is a literary link to this part of the land. Which reminds me of "Sir Gibbie," which is a cross between Wordsworth and Dickens, and has much dialogue in Braid Scot.

Caveat/warning:

the speakers on the compact disc sound a bit different than the book -- and these speakers are meant to be working from the "scripts" organized into lessons and tutorials inside the book. If you already have Scots in your ear, and previous exposure, then this may not much disturb you; for someone as complete an outsider as I, this is downright jarring. I refer, for example, to the book saying "Whit" while the speaker says "Fit," and "whiles" versus "fylies."

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Apr 16 - 11:41 AM

I can claim Scots ancestry.... Scotts on my mother's side and Murrays, Armstrongs and Bogles on my father's side...........but like many in the U.S., it's a mixed stew, with far more English, 'some' Irish, a bit of French & Dutch....

But my surname comes from Wales originally Morgan Dee is as far back as I can trace the name. (I can go back even further in England)

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 16 - 10:07 AM

One of my favorites....

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 16 - 09:58 AM

Ye who claim tae be Scots ...never mind.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 16 - 09:45 AM

I hae not a word ta sae save "Scots Wha hae"!

Albannaich a chail ur fuil
Fo'n laoch Uallas'us fo Bhrus,
Failt' do shuain ur bais an duigh,
No do bhuidhinn stri.

Feuch an latha, so an uair,
Faicaibh gnuis a bhlair fo ghruaim,
Feachd righ Eideard teachd le uaill,
'S geimhlean cruaidhe dhuinn.

Co bhiodh iudasach sa chath,
Co'n uaigh gealtair a bhiodh taisgt',
Co a bhiodh na thraill fo smachd,
Teich gu grad 's na till.

Co as leth tir aird an fhraoich,
Thairneas claidheamh treun na saors',
Le'n fhearr bas na geill' do h-aon,
Thig do'n raon leam fhein.

Le gach truaighe fuaight' ri' daors',
Le cuing thruaillidh cloinn ar gaoil,
Doirteamid ar fuil na taom,
Ach sar shaor bidh sinn.

Sgriosaibh na Sr-foirnidh dhan,
Tuitidh aintighearna 's gach namh,
Anns gach beum tha saors' an aigh,
Buaidh no bas biodh leinn!

Arise ye Scots!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: akenaton
Date: 28 Apr 16 - 08:35 AM

:0)

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Apr 16 - 07:11 PM

by Harry Hagan:

Ah'm a cat, ah'm a cat, ah'm a Glesca cat, an' ma name is Sam the Skull
Ah've got claws in ma paws like a crocodile's jaws, an' a head like a fermer's bull
Ah'm no' the kind o' cat that sat on the mat, or the kind that ye gi'e a hug
Ah'm the kind o' cat that strangles a rat and even the occasional DUG

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 27 Apr 16 - 06:01 PM

I'm a big brown moose,
I'm a rascally moose,
I'm a moose with a tough, shaggy hide;
and I kick and I prance
in a long-legged dance
with my moose-mama close by my side.

I shrug off the cold
and I sneeze at the wind
and I swivel my ears in the snow;
and I tramp and I tromp
over forest and swamp,
'cause there's nowhere a moose cannot go.

I'm a big brown moose, 
I'm a ravenous moose
as I hunt for the willow and yew;
with a snort and a crunch,
I rip off each bunch,
and I chew and I chew and I chew.

"When together we slump
in a comfortable clump --
my mountainous mama and I --
I give her a nuzzle
of velvety muzzle.
Our frosty breath drifts to the sky.

I'm a big brown moose,
I'm a slumberous moose,
I'm a moose with a warm, snuggly hide;
and I bask in the moon
as the coyotes croon,
with my moose-mama close by my side." 
― Joyce Sidman, Winter Bees & Other Poems of the Cold

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Apr 16 - 03:36 PM

....there's a moose loose aboot this hoose....

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Gallus Moll
Date: 27 Apr 16 - 12:05 PM

whaur's a' yon Scots leid noo?

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 27 Apr 16 - 06:11 AM

It's cloud illusions I recall
Ewe really don't know clouds at all

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 10:53 PM

From: Dave the Gnome - PM
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 03:19 PM

Hey, McCloud, get offa my ewe!
************************************
Hahahahahahahhaaa!

From: Rapparee - PM
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 09:52 PM

For this, LH, you should be sent to Coventry.
*************************************************
Priceless!

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 10:48 PM

Little wat ye wha's coomin...

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 09:52 PM

For this, LH, you should be sent to Coventry.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 08:38 PM

Amos, ye're a wee scabby beastie whit shuid slink off tae yer ane vile lair and nae be troublin' yer betters frea the bonny hills o' Scotland!

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 08:02 PM

Little Hawk's aspirations have fallen in the mud, and his cheap and slovenly effort to mock the hallowed Mother of All BS have come to naught. He hasn't been able to raise 700 posts! What a slumgullion, round-heeled slacker! He should roll up his tent and slink off into the night like a mackerel shining in the moonlight.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 06:32 PM

""So tell me what ewe want, what ewe really really want, 
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha.""

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 03:19 PM

Hey, McCloud, get offa my ewe!

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 02:49 PM

Ye're all daft buggers!

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Apr 16 - 02:30 PM

but no one has quoted:



ma fither was born a Hebrew
ma fither was born a Jew
ma fither was born a Hebrew
an' Ah'm a Hebrew too

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 08:27 PM

Richard:

Little Hawk is dramatizing the heretical deviancy in his genes by challenging the arch-supremacy of the MOAB with this skimpy pseudo-Scots wannabe imitation, is all.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 08:16 PM

Will someone please explain to those of us from the UK?

What does this mean?

Is it funny and if so why?

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 06:50 PM

Don't talk to me about shame, Amos. You are the man who goes down to Mexico several times a year for illicit liasons with a female chimpanzee who runs a bordello.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 12:32 PM

Little Hawk is a moral floozy, a blatherskite, and an intellectual round-heeled ne'er-do-well who would go down on a new thread for gumwrappers. He should be deeply and profoundly and enduringly ashamed.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 10:35 AM

right here

(I asked you to "Please type slowly and distinctly"... see what happens when you ignore simple requests?)

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Apr 12 - 05:05 PM

Dinna tak tae me, ye harum-scarum blether.

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 12 - 06:52 AM

Ye hae warning, ye blatherskite....

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: EBarnacle
Date: 08 Apr 12 - 12:43 AM

'Tis wi your blankie!
How is't that Scot came to mean penalty or harm?

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 12 - 10:52 PM

Whaur's ma coo? Ah cannae sleep wi'oot ma coo!

Subject: RE: BS: The mither of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 08:59 PM

Is this one of those "Carry On" films now?