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BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???

Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 01:53 PM
Bill D 22 Aug 10 - 02:06 PM
gnu 22 Aug 10 - 02:13 PM
Ebbie 22 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 02:29 PM
gnu 22 Aug 10 - 02:58 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 04:56 PM
gnu 22 Aug 10 - 05:42 PM
Ebbie 22 Aug 10 - 06:20 PM
Ed T 22 Aug 10 - 07:03 PM
Ebbie 22 Aug 10 - 07:09 PM
Ed T 22 Aug 10 - 08:45 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 08:48 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 09:54 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 09:55 PM
Ebbie 22 Aug 10 - 10:31 PM
JennieG 23 Aug 10 - 02:00 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 10 - 10:29 AM
GUEST,Prime Communicator First r'nuf' ك 23 Aug 10 - 08:18 PM
gnu 23 Aug 10 - 08:33 PM
Ebbie 24 Aug 10 - 01:39 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 10 - 11:30 AM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 10 - 11:53 AM
gnu 24 Aug 10 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 10 - 05:12 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 10 - 06:28 PM
gnu 24 Aug 10 - 06:33 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 10 - 07:27 PM
gnu 24 Aug 10 - 08:24 PM
catspaw49 24 Aug 10 - 08:42 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 25 Aug 10 - 01:39 PM
gnu 25 Aug 10 - 02:15 PM
Little Hawk 25 Aug 10 - 02:42 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 10 - 02:44 PM
catspaw49 25 Aug 10 - 03:13 PM
Sandy Mc Lean 25 Aug 10 - 03:45 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 10 - 10:04 AM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 10 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 10 - 01:31 PM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 10 - 01:53 PM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 10 - 01:56 PM
gnu 26 Aug 10 - 05:28 PM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 10 - 06:36 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 10 - 09:12 PM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 10 - 10:57 PM
Rapparee 27 Aug 10 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 27 Aug 10 - 06:37 PM
Little Hawk 27 Aug 10 - 06:48 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 27 Aug 10 - 07:13 PM
Little Hawk 27 Aug 10 - 07:53 PM
Rapparee 27 Aug 10 - 09:39 PM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 10 - 01:58 AM
Rapparee 28 Aug 10 - 06:13 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 10 - 12:05 AM
Rapparee 29 Aug 10 - 04:25 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 10 - 05:14 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 10 - 07:14 PM
gnu 29 Aug 10 - 07:29 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 10 - 08:25 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 10 - 08:59 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 10 - 09:08 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 10 - 09:10 PM
Ebbie 29 Aug 10 - 09:15 PM
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Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 12:53 PM
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Little Hawk 30 Aug 10 - 02:35 PM
GUEST,Gust from Sanity 30 Aug 10 - 02:39 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 30 Aug 10 - 02:45 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 02:47 PM
gnu 30 Aug 10 - 02:47 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 30 Aug 10 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 03:35 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 30 Aug 10 - 04:13 PM
gnu 30 Aug 10 - 04:49 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 30 Aug 10 - 05:23 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 30 Aug 10 - 05:27 PM
Amos 30 Aug 10 - 06:35 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 10 - 06:53 PM
gnu 30 Aug 10 - 07:06 PM
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Amos 30 Aug 10 - 09:44 PM
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Subject: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 01:53 PM

Disturbing reports are surfacing on the Net that Shane McBride may have met with a fatal accident. It all began with a post by Rapaire a couple of hours ago. Further reports are coming in as I type. Here is all that we know at this point, copied and pasted from the Mother of all BS Threads for the benefit of those who never open it, but who would want to know:

(Note that the below posts appear with the most recent at the top.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Constable Jack McColl, O.P.P.
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 01:11 PM

What are we gonna do for laughs now? Being a member of the Sudbury O.P.P. I can vouch for the fact that there is a strange sense of loss haunting the rank and file today all across North Ontario, a sense that things will never really be the same. Who will entertain us by committing unforgettably stupid and poorly planned infractions of the law such as the famous Beer Store robbery with the stolen school bus or the famed fork lift truck getaway chase? Who else would even attempt such things? And if so, who could pull them off in such an incompetent and unique manner?

There are only a few rewards to the tough job of being a cop in North Ontario. One of them was the joy of hauling Shane McBride in, whining and carrying on, after yet another botched misdemeanour, and hearing the cheers and catcalls from the prison inmates and staff as Shane returned once again to his second home...durance vile.

I tell you, it's a funereal atmosphere around here. A hush has fallen over the place. We are discussing whether to lower the station flags to halfmast. Or quartermast possibly. Whatever would seem most fitting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM

2. Someone may write the tune "The Night McBride Died". Got a ring to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapaire
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:52 PM

Let us enumerate the good he did, and let the evil be forgotten:

1. He never reproduced.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM

Your eloquence, Rapaire, well befits the gravity of this unspeakably tragic occasion! Hosers all over Canada will no doubt shed a tear or two in their beer at the thought of Shane's passing. His brother Don will be inconsolable, devastated with regret over the harsh words he recently hurled at his baby brother, and now unable to make them good. The entire town of Blind River will be cast under a pall of gloom such as enveloped the island of Sumatra following the eruption at Krakatoa in 1883. Millions will mourn! People will, decades from now, say, "I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news that Shane McBride had died."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapaire
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM

Oh, if only Shame were still alive! The tragedy, the horror of his leaving will be with us for ages to come! Stumbling, drunk, into a garbage compactor and ending up in a dump, while appropriate, is not my idea of a good way to go. His last words still ring in our ears and will ring for all Eternity: "What the flippin' fli...?"

Alas, poor Shame. I knew him, Little Hawk. A fellow who was an infinite jest. Why, he would have stabbed me in the back a thousand times had he but the courage! And now he has come to this...we need not ask how long he will lay in the earth ere he rot, for tho' he was indeed rotten he was also thoroughly pickled all the time, and so we have his rot preserved in this half-meter cube. Let us close the book on this poor excuse, this dullard, this grown babe, and remember only the good he did, if any.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 02:06 PM

return to us, please


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 02:13 PM

Can you blame the poor lad? Named after a drifter with a gun and ramblin on his mind. Raised by a single parent in the isolated backcountry. It's no wonder he took to a life of almost crime.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM

Well, Little Hawk, in your gut you always knew he would not make old bones.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 02:29 PM

Yeah. (sniff) The odd were always against that, given his general lifestyle. I hate to think of Don, all alone in that ramshackle house, faced with the memories. It's all up to him now to carry on the name of the Blind River McBrides.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 02:58 PM

Yeah, poor Don, spending his days at sitting at home thinking about his stolen truck. Maybe the neighbours will give him the odd lift to the beer store.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 04:56 PM

He got the truck back. The cops recovered it. But the paint job got ruined. It's a shame. That was a pretty good looking truck.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 05:42 PM

Pretty good looking? But, if Shane only got $300 for it, what was wrong with it? I went out with some reeeeally good looking girls in my day but most of them had a carburetor that was shy on air or tuned to rich, so the rest of them never got me anywhere.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 06:20 PM

I understand Shane getting only $300 for the truck. The thief has always been content with receiving less money than the actual worth.

A judge was severely berating the defendant, and says, You mean to tell me that you knocked down that poor old man and grabbed his wallet, all for just three dollars?

Mugger: Well, you know, Judge, three dollars here and three dollars there- it adds up.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 07:03 PM

Not dead, just smells like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 07:09 PM

So what else is new?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 08:45 PM

Unwashed armpits, groin musk, a putrid smell of unwashed and slowly decaying clothing and old socks, excrement butt smell, yellow, urine-stained tightie whities, and god knows what else that holds the key to Shane's fetid aroma.

"Well crap", Shane once said that his smell wasn't all that bad, "who cares, some girls like the natural male smell" No one is fainting near him, he added. "I'll just slap a little aftershave on me", he concluded.

A good canidate for cremation.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 08:48 PM

Well, word is that he slipped on a pile of doggy-doo and slid right into a trash compactor. If true, he's gone to that Great Dump In The Sky....

Flippin' ki-oh, flippin' ki-yay
Ghost hosers in the sky....


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 09:54 PM

Don's truck is worth a fair bit, maybe $15,000, but Shane was making an illegal sale, so naturally he didn't ask anything near the book value. He asked for $500. The guy he sold it to knew darn well it was hot (no ownership papers or any I.D.) and he figured he could bargain down on the price, so he and Shane settled on $300. Makes sense to me. Then the guy put some expired plates on it and tried to repaint it, but the cops found it when he was only half done. It is now half shiny black and half cruddy green, put on with a brush and roller...right over top of the chrome trim and everything.

Don was fit to be tied when he saw the truck. But now he may have a dead brother on top of it all. Talk about a bad week!

And how will it look on the family escutcheon that an heir of the great McBride legacy died in a trash compactor?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 09:55 PM

Well, it will make the family tree more, ah, compact.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 10:31 PM

and thank heavens above that no spring have offed. Or is that no Offed have Sprung?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 02:00 AM

Let's hope so, Ebbie.....but there's no telling what Shane got up to on some of those times he disappeared and was gone for a while. I wouldn't sigh that sigh of relief just yet, if I were you.

Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 10:29 AM

Most likely any off-spring would have left home immediately after seeing their father.

Nor would I bet that Shame is in The Great Tim Horton's In The Sky. We really don't know yet, but The Truth Is Out There.

Repeat after me, with your eyes closed and your fingers crossed:

"I DO SO believe in Shame!"

Do this in public and keep saying it until he comes back, if he does.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Prime Communicator First r'nuf' ك
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 08:18 PM

Hello.

I have been told by The Elder Greys to communicate with you. We have taken the Entity known on your Planet as Shane McBride Of Blind River. In a fortunate circumstance it slipped in the excrement of a domestic animal and triggered The Beacon we implanted earlier. I say that this is fortunate as it was at this very time that its presence was again needed due to a Crisis in (I have no notation to tell you where). It was needed as it is one of the very rare carbon-based Entities who contain both levodioxyribonucleic and dextrodioxyribonucleic acids.

The Elders sensed your concern for this Entity and asked that you be reassured that it will be returned in the same condition as when it was Taken when the Mission is complete.

Thank you.

Prime Communicator First r'nuf' ك


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 08:33 PM

Shane slipped on wiener dog shit and hit his head?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 01:39 AM

Good gracious. In the same condition? Can't they do better than that?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 11:30 AM

I hope they at least clean off his shoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 11:53 AM

It's probably part of their Prime Directive or something like that...


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 03:34 PM

I googled them thar acids and there ain't none. I think the PC is making this shit up an them thar UFOers is fixing ta probe Shane. Matter a fact, iffin ya google what Google asks if ya meant ta google, a bunch a sex type stuff comes up so Shane might be in fer more than a probe or two. He jus might be Prime Beefcake.

Eeeewwwww... somtimes I makes me cringe.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 05:12 PM

"Levo" means left-handed and "dextro" means right-handed. I don't know what they mean in this context, except maybe they view Shame as protein.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 06:28 PM

They probably use protocols with which we are unfamiliar.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 06:33 PM

Or protozoan calls in Shane's case.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 07:27 PM

Let's think: if some of your DNA spiraled one way and some the other way, would they cancel out, at least partly? Or would half just be upside-down?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 08:24 PM

Spiraling down?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 08:42 PM

Has Shane McBride died???

With any luck at all....................



Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 01:39 PM

It is time I let people know. I have been cryin' like a baby here. Officer Dana came over yesterday and told me the terrable news, eh? My baby brother has met a flippin' horrible end! He got flippin' ground up in a trash compactor! I cannot flippin' beelieve that thsi has happened. I been cryin' like a baby. I said that before dint I? Well, it is true. A man should not cry but there are times like these that rench a man's soul! Waht else could I do? I been thihkin' about all the bad things I sayed about Shane my onlhy brother and I am all broke up about it. How could this happen? Why did he run into a flippin' trash compacter? Officer Dana says he was tryin' to get a way from the cops that was chasin' him after he excaped from the liberry. I am strucken with gilt becoz it was me who called them cops that Shane was in the flippin' liberry coz of how he stoled my truck and sold it to the bolthole in Elliot Lake for only $300 when it is worth flippin' thousands! I got really made aobut that and deecided to call the cops on him, but I never shoulda done it. Now my baby brother is DEAD! The hole weight of the McBride family legasy is on my sholders now, eh? And it is weiyin' heavy. I cannot beliieve that this has happent.

Officer Dana brung back the only thing they could recover becoz of how Shane got flippin' compacted in with all the garbage. She brought back one of his work boots. I have put it in his room. It looks so lonely sittin' there in an empty room.

I am in total dispare here. Even the booze don't help. And I am too deeprest to call up the girlfriend.

- Don


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 02:15 PM

Are they sure? How could they do DNA testing that fast? I think you'd better wait for the test results to confirm that's Shane's boot.

Annnnd, it could be just a ruse. Maybe Shane is actually in a witness protection program for reasons Officer Dana can't tell you about. He might be living with the Amish or the Meteorites.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 02:42 PM

Good thinking there, gnu. No need to panic yet. Gosh, Shane would fit in great with the Amish, wouldn't he? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 02:44 PM

Yes, for some of the Amish I've known. Not after they're churched, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 03:13 PM

I think he'd fit into the trash compactor better........


Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 25 Aug 10 - 03:45 PM

Shane dead! Oh my God that is terrible! Anyone who thinks otherwise shows a hard heart indeed! I went through Blind River this spring but I was pressed for time and did not stop to meet him, and now it is too late you say. What a pity! I hope that if they can recover his body someone will pour a bottle of Keith's on his grave. In true Shane tradition you may want to run it through your system first.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 10:04 AM

An awful lot of people did that while he was alive. He used to say, "Flippin' beer oen way or anuther, ain't it?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 01:27 PM

The Scene: The Command Bridge of the Greys Exploration Vessel # 7769, an interstellar light cruiser whose purpose is to explore the 13th quadrant, observe new lifeforms, make sure things aren't coming apart at the seams galactically speaking, and send reports back to Grey Central Council in Andromeda.

Commander Artixes is on the bridge going over some recent reports, when science officer K'tanhk enters through the airlock. He looks worried.

"What is it, K'tanhk? Have you finished the northern Earth scans? Is something amiss?"

"I'm afraid something is," replies K'tanhk. "The Shane appears to have suffered a fatal accident. His life signs have terminated."

"What?" gasps Artixes, dropping his light scribe. "Are you sure?"

"I'm afraid so," says K'tanhk. We were just doing a standard check on his whereabouts, and he was in the metropolitan area they call "Sudbury", moving rapidly down one of their inner city pathways, when suddenly his life signs experienced a sharp spike followed by a sudden termination. In short, he appears to have "bitten the big one"."

"Good heavens," says Artixes. "This simply won't do. We must take immediate action."

"I have already prepared an away team to go to the site and determine if a recovery is possible."

"Excellent. Move on it immediately. As you know, time is of the essence. Try to do the recovery without arousing their police and civil defence organizations."

"I'll get right on it. We'll use standard cloaking procedures, but we cannot disguise the removal of bodily materials."

"That can't be helped," snaps Artixes. "They'll be puzzled, of course, but they still won't know it is us and that's the main thing. Use all dispatch, K'tankh, we cannot lose the Shane at this crucial juncture!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 01:31 PM

Can WE afford to lose The Shame?

Please discuss in detail, citing references.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 01:53 PM

McDougal Street in Sudbury:

A couple of O.P.P. officers are standing at the back of a large garbage truck and gazing into its interior with obvious distaste. A foul smell is emanating from the vile masses of compacted garbage within the truck's containment chamber.

"All they were able to get so far was one of his work boots," says Officer Dale. "It musta fallen off when he went headfirst into the compactor, but the rest of him has been mashed in there with all the garbage. I don't envy the poor bastards who have to separate out the remains."

"I wouldn't give a dog that job," says Officer McCann. "Why would the silly bastard run into a garbage compactor anyway? You think he was tryin' to commit suicide?"

"Naw....he was just too stupid to notice where he was goin'," laughs Dale. "Trust me. I have dealt with this idiot before a few times. He takes stupidity to a whole new level. The amazing thing is that he lived THIS long, not that he ran into this compactor and got himself squashed."

"Yeah, I've heard plenty of stories about him too. Well, he ain't goin' nowhere now. I say we go get something to eat. There's a Timmies right around the corner."

"Good idea. Let's go."

The two cops were only gone for about five minutes, but when they returned, happily munching donuts and drinking Tim Horton's coffee, they were astonished to find that the entire contents of the garbage truck had vanished into thin air. Not only that...there weren't even any old dirt stains on the inside of the truck or anything at all to be seen there. Not a speck of dust or a drop of unidentifiable crud. Not one atom of garbage. The inside of that truck was as clean as it had been the day it rolled off the assembly line at the factory, although you could of course see the places where the paint job had been scraped and abraided since then...just no dirt on it, that's all.

They stood with their mouths hanging open for a long, slow count. You could have heard a pin drop.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 01:56 PM

Many would assert that human society can well afford to lose the Shane, and it is an argument that appears to hold a good deal of water. But how can we be sure?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 05:28 PM

Like stepping off the path on a butterfly?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 06:36 PM

"What in the world IS this stuff?" said Commander Artixes. He was looking at a massive pile of repulsive debris that filled the 3rd containment pod next to the science lab on light cruiser 7769, and flinching at the dreadful smell that came forth from it. Visible were numerous remnants of plastic bags, plastic and styrofoam containers, bits of clothing, filthy paper, magazines, bottles, cans, and all sorts of revolting organic material that could have been just about anything once, but was clearly well past its due date.

"It's what the humans call "garbage"", said Ensign Gl'nat. "They produce vast amounts of it and then look for places where they can store it. I think it's considered a 'growth industry' of some sort. The richer countries produce more of it, after all."

"And the Shane is somewhere in there?"

"Apparently."

"Well, get busy then. I want his DNA isolated by Stardate 12:31:7705 at the latest. What about the soul retrieval process? Is it under way?"

"We are working on it as you speak," replied K'tankh. "I expect we will achieve full memory retrieval in time to cross reference his consciousness, moral imperatives, and genetic structure and produce a satisfactory result. Then it's a simple matter of physical reconstruction. A piece of mooncake."

"Very good. I shall await your report with keen anticipation." Artixes quickly fled the science deck, covering his nostrils with one slender grey hand as he went.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 09:12 PM

Wrinkling what would in humans have been his nose Ensign Gl'nat reflected on how sh'a't dribbles down from above, turned to his squad, and said, "Let's get started. Oh, you might each want to light up a 'ghat, it'll help kill the odor. I'll allow it just this once."


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 10 - 10:57 PM

Artixes was meditating quietly in his cabin when he received a call on his private console. It was announced by a gentle bell-like tone, accompanied by a softly pulsing green light.

"Yes?" he said, activating the device by mind direction alone. (Most of the equipment used by the Greys can be controlled either "hands on" or by mental visualization and focused thought. Learning to direct the mental commands clearly takes a good deal of training, however, and is one of the most important things a cadet learns in the Academy.)

"We have made some progress here...but..." It was K'tankh, sounding hesitant.

"But what?"

"Well, I don't know if what we have here is quite right. It's not what I expected at all. I think you'd better take a look."

"I'll be right down," said Artixes. "Have you done something about the odor?"

"Don't worry about that. We have the specimen in the main medical room, and there's no odor here. Well, not much, that is."

"Good." Artixes opened the airlock with another mind command and stepped up to the elevator beam. In a moment he was at the entrance to the Med room, opened another of the soundless doors, and...

"FLIP OFF, YOU BOLTHOLE!!!" yelled a surprisingly loud, shrill, and very peculiar voice. There was a ripple of nervous laughter from the little knot of Greys in the Medical staff, who were all gathered cautiously around some small figure which Artixes couldn't quite see. He moved closer. Something decidedly not human was moving around on the specimen table, lunging at anyone who came too near. It had...feathers...and wings...and a strong beak like that of a Denebian Plinch Lizard.

"That is not the Shane," said Artixes, looking quite vexed. "What in the Galaxy did you do?"

"I'm not sure," said K'tankh apologetically. "We found what I was quite certain were some bodily remains of the Shane, and I simply followed standard procedure. I have implanted basic personality type and habitual cultural behaviours, but not restored the memory banks yet. I found the moral imperatives hard to decode, as it appears that the Shane either has very few of them or hasn't used them in some time, but..."

"YER A FLIPPIN' IDIOT!" yelled the feathery creature, which then uttered a series of piercing screeches. It was rapidly scuttling around on the specimen table, threatening to bite whoever came near it, and flapping its wings in a preparatory manner. It might begin flying around the lab at any moment, thought Artixes, but what was it?

"Somebody get a net or something," snapped Artixes. He felt that he was beginning to lose his equanimity, something that Greys value highly, and that just wouldn't do. "Computer! What is this creature? Analyze!"

The computer whirred momentarily. "The creature is a harmless Terran bird popularly known on Earth as a parrot. Parrots come in many varieties. This parrot appears to be from the South American continent, not the African. Parrots are often kept as pets by their human owners. They are quite good at learning and mimicing human speech and a great variety of other sounds, and they are very long lived, as long as a hundred Terran years."

"A parrot???" exclaimed Artixes. "You've put the Shane's personality perameters into a parrot???"

"EAT ME, YOU FlIPPIN' MORONS!" hollered the bird which launched itself suddenly airward and began flying frantically round and round the lab, crashing into the walls, and knocking items off shelves, squawking and swearing loudly all the while. The Greys in the Med crew ran around trying in vain to catch the berserk creature. The truth was, they were all a bit afraid of it despite the computer's reassurances, and they were not too eager to get to grips with it.

Eventually the bird found a secure perch atop a high shelf and it clung there hurling a tirade of obscene abuse at its unwilling hosts.

"Computer, what can be used to best calm down the Shane's personality profile?" chirped Artixes. "Do a scan on all possible attractants and inducements."

"Give him a bottle of beer," said the computer. "Other strong attractants include babes, cigarettes, "dope", and pizza, but beer is the best."

"Do we have any of those things on board?" said Artixes. "Well? Don't just all stare at me like you were paralyzed! Do we?"

K'tankh thought hard about it. "Pizza? No. Cigarettes? No. Dope? Babes? I don't think so." (he wasn't at all sure what "dope" or "babes" even were, but he wasn't about to advertise his ignorance) "Beer? Ummm...yes, I think we still have some which was being held in reserve for when the Shane might visit us again. I believe it's somewhere at the back of the main cargo hold."

"Get that beer!" yelped Artixes. He felt that he was fast losing whatever aplomb he had left.

After what seemed like an age K'tankh returned with a 6-pack of Interstellar Light Beer. The parrot was continuing to defy the Med crew, but its attention fixed on the beer immediately.

"GIMME A FLIPPIN' BEER!" it squawked.

Everyone watched with fascination as G'lnat carefully opened one of the beer bottles and poured the bubbly liquid into a handy lab container. He placed it on the specimen table. The parrot flew down immediately, alighted on the table, and took a beakful of beer.

"About flippin' time," it observed to the crew.

"There," said Artixes. "Another crisis averted. Now, what do you suppose went wrong."

"I can only assume," ventured K'tankh, "that there was also a deceased parrot amongst the garbage. I am sorry to say that I must have recovered part of the parrot's bodily cells instead of those of the Shane. The regeneration and recovery process has now implanted Shane's basic personality...but not his memories...into this cloned parrot."

"Wonderful," said Artixes sarcastically. "Just wonderful. All right, I want you to start looking again through that garbage. Don't assume that any DNA you find is that of the Shane. I don't want to come down here next time and find a dog, a fish, an ostrich, or some other Terran creature that thinks it is the Shane."

"What do we do about the parrot?" asked K'tankh?

"What? Oh....just beam it down to some Earthian pet shop in the middle of the night," said Artixes. "I'm sure you can find one in our computer records, and they won't know the difference when they find it."

("I'm not so sure about that...." thought K'tankh, but he wisely kept his thoughts to himself. It wasn't time to burden an already upset commander with trivial matters that did not impinge on primary mission objectives.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 10 - 10:19 AM

Oh, I can see it now: Shame is reborn as the contents of a dirty diaper!


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 10 - 06:37 PM

Artytexas is smoking some high-yield alfalfa when his personal communicator rings.

"Oh, muthaf," he says, using an old Plaids expression. "Can't git no peace nohow. Yeah, waddayawant?"

"Yer gloriousness, we got another try ready fer ya if ya haul yer big butt down here. We're pretty sure we got it right this time."

In the medical room, Artytexas leans up against a cabinet full of phallic-looking body probes. On a table in the center of the room is a pile of brown-green material. The odor would cause a Glax'n odor eater to gag. The pile is says, "YOU FLIPPIN' UGLY BOLT HOLES! IF I HAD LEGS AND ARMS I'D TEACH YOU SOME STUFF!!"

Artytexas shakes his cephalic appendage. "Look, weenies," he says, "you got the stink down perfect, but you oughta put The Shame's brains inside a body." And he turns and leaves, back to his alfalfa. Maybe he'll dream of that Plaids chick he saw the last time he was home, the one who did the eight-tentacle pole dance.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 10 - 06:48 PM

Oh, dear...


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 27 Aug 10 - 07:13 PM

Who is Shane McBride? Was he a Mudcatter?

(at least when I don't know something, I ask)....

I went to his website, thought it was a bit underwhelming, but..who is he?

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 10 - 07:53 PM

To find out who Shane McBride is, GfS, you might best find any post made by Guest, Blind DRunk in Blind River. Click on it. Read and enjoy.

I suggest you go to this thread to find many such posts:

BS: Words of, like, wisdom, eh?


By the way, I don't think the Shane McBride website you found is the right one. It must be some other guy with the same name. Our Shane McBride definitely does not have a personal website.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 10 - 09:39 PM

He was as sight, though. Filthy, vomit-stained, doggy-doo on the back of what passed for his shirt, long hair with enough grease to lube a pickup...he did put on a new pair of socks every six months, even though he never took the others off.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 10 - 01:58 AM

Shane just wears a pair till they fall off, and then it's time for a new pair, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 10 - 06:13 PM

You're talking about his feet, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 12:05 AM

And his crotchal area?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 04:25 PM

He seems to have been Taken From Us. Let us hope that he or she (in this case you really can't tell the boys from the girls) has found a Better Place, but I doubt it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 05:14 PM

You must be joking. Almost any place is better than Blind River.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 07:14 PM

Okay, I just don't have a lot of time for this stuff at the moment, so let's wrap it up. Here are the basic facts.

A couple of weeks ago Shane McBride suffered a sudden and fatal accident. He was attempting to flee the cops who were after him on multiple charges relating to selling a stolen truck, etc. He ran down an alleyway and straight into a functioning trash compactor which ground him up with the garbage, leaving nothing identifiable behind but one of his filthy workboots.

The boot was returned to his brother Don, along with Officer Dana's condolences.

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your outlook, the Greys (space aliens from Andromeda) came to Shane's rescue. They need him alive for some vital purpose which they have not yet revealed. They recoverend all of Shane's bodily remains, plus half a ton of garbage, and began a sophisticated cloning and soul retrieval process.

Their first attempt went badly awry. They cloned a parrot from the bird's remains which were also in the garbage, and programmed Shane's personality into the bird. It swears constantly and demands beer and pizza. K'tankh, The science officer of the Greys, was deeply embarrassed by this screw-up. He was instructed by Commander Artixes to beam the parrot into a pet shop in the middle of the night. The bird ended up in a Sudbury pet shop which is now trying desperately to determine where the hell it came from and if it is saleable. It insults the customers and staff constantly, harasses young women by making vulgar suggestions, and is a real nuisance. Some people, however, find its behaviour "cute" and hilarious, so my feeling is that it will eventually sell for a hefty fee.

K'tankh made another try at cloning Shane and almost succeeded, but he didn't time the calibrations quite right. This resulted in the cloning of a young Canadian fool who looks and acts just like Shane in most respects, but his personality is overbalanced toward a love of heavy metal music and underbalanced in one or two of Shane's other salient points...such as the desire to steal snowmobiles and take them for joyrides on thin lake ice. Since the Greys cannot countenance destroying any life needlessly, they christened this person "Shawn McBaird" and have beemed him over to Vancouver. He will probably soon secure himself a legendary spot in the annals of really LOUD and offensive teen music and may become the new Kurt Cobai in time.

The 3rd attempt was the keeper. K'tankh finally got it all right and reproduced a perfect clone of Shane McBride. He then implanted all of Shane's soul, personality traits, and memories successfully. Everyone celebrated!

Shane's first words on regaining consciousness were, "Holy flip! That really flippin' hurt!" He then demanded a cold beer.

Shane is presently going through a couple of weeks of reorientation in the Greys' spacecraft to ensure that he adjusts successfully to his new life. The only things that appear different about him are:

1. He's clean! The Greys insist on him showering in the energy stall once a day, and that keeps him quite clean. It also gets him a bit high, so he has not objected too strenuously.

2. He now has a perfect set of teeth for the first time in his "adult" life! The cloning process naturally produces completely healthy new teeth, not decayed ones. This is going to make everyone who knew Shane doubt the evidence of their eyes when he returns home following the reorientation process. He can hardly believe it himself.

3. The Greys have provided him with clean clothes. They'll probably stay clean until he gets back to "the usual"...

And that's about it. Don is going to be overwhelmed when his little brother returns with a brand new set of teeth and all. I bet he'll burst into tears.

Other than that...

Corridus finally died peacefully last year at a very old age for a hamster, surrounded by his progeny, and having published a series of rodent romances that made him a legend among hamsters. Freddy the White Rat also passed on, having written the definitive biography of the amazing Corridus entitled "From Seeds to Riches".

Penelope Rutledge and Winston Wellington-Jones have taken to living in separate parts of Rutledge Mansion, and they barely ever speak to each other, but are both pursuing their own interests. Penelope may go on an extended trip to the Orient soon, as she is tiring of the local scene. Her niece Veronica is attending classes in Paris and managed recently to drive her latest Porsche into the Seine River, but she escaped before it sank. She is reputed to have had a series of scandalous affaires with rich young men all over Europe and is said to have the morals of a Skagway bargirl combined with the financial resources of Bill Gates. Where does she get the money? From Winston, I expect. He does it to annoy Penelope.

Chongo Chimp is the same as ever, out there pounding the pavement and defending truth, justice, and the Simian Way. He anticipates becoming president after Obama throws in the towel.

Hector Ballsworthy of the Independent Press continues to expose corruption in high places, unravel the mystery of Batboy, and uncover the great Reptilian plot to take over the world.

Olive and Eddie Whatnoll have moved back to 'Ull, and are feuding with their neighbours. Eddie is trying to get on "Britain's Got Talent" so he can demonstrate his ability to crush couches with his own body weight. Olive Whatnoll has discovered the Jacqueline Suzanne books and intends to read all of them so as to become "cultured loik the rich toffs wot finks they are bet'ter than 'ard-workin' people loik you and me".

Anything else like this that you need a quick update on, just ask me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 07:29 PM

You don't have a lot of time? How fuckin fast do you type? I don't have time to read posts that long and I read fast.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 08:25 PM

Yes, I'm fairly fast, but keep in mind that if I had spun out all those various stories in the usual fashion, it would have taken about 20 or 30 times as much typing at the very least, many posts, and several separate threads. I let myself off easy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 08:59 PM

Damn, he's one of the undead. Suppose Shame will go Goth?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 09:08 PM

I don't see how the police can prosecute him for anything now. Anything that happened in the past, I mean. After all, he died, right? Don even has the death certificate. I think this gives Shane a clean record and a whole new start.

The question is...will he blow this incredible opportunity?

And what is to be done about I.D.?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 09:10 PM

No sweat -- his DNA will be the same, as will his fingerprints and blood type (although the alcohol content will be somewhat lower). Of course, that means he's the same person to Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to jail he go....


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Aug 10 - 09:15 PM

Is it possible that hidden in the sole of his old boot is a complete set of papers?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 10:22 AM

Even if there were, Ebbie, he couldn't read them. Poly-letter words give him all sorts of trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM

You're a hard-hearted man, Rapaire. I should think you'd want to give Shane a fresh start and see what he could do with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 12:53 PM

NEWSFLASH!

All the garbage and stuff that was mysteriously removed from the garbage compactor has even more mysteriously re-appeared back inside the same garbage compactor!!! And it smells worse than ever.

The police are now picking through it piece by piece to find out if Shane's body is really in there.

God, I pity those guys. I really do. Even with the gasmasks.

Don has been informed of the ongong investigation. He is quite upset.

In a supplementary report, the pet store has been offered $500 by an unnamed person for the obscene parrot and they are considering whether to take the offer or auction the bird off and maybe get even more.

In an ancillary report, a drifter named Shawn McBaird has started up a new heavy metal band in Vancouver. The band is a 4-piece outfit and they play all original compositions by McBaird, turned up to "Infinity". McBaird says his major influences are Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Meat Loaf, and Ozzie Osbourne. The band will be named the "Corkpullers From Hell".


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:28 PM

WHAT?! No Judas Priest? No Twisted Sister? No Negativa? No Obscene Eulogy? No Neuraxis? No Rotting? No Slaughter? No Martyr? No Sympathy?

These people are Canadian??


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:34 PM

Winston Wellington-Jones Found In Love Triangle With Vernonica Rutledge and Olive Whatnoll!


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:35 PM

Shawn McBaird isn't here to speak for himself, Rapaire, so I shall speak for him.

"Flip off, eh? Whadda you know about bein' Canadian?"

My guess is that that's exactly what he'd say.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Gust from Sanity
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:39 PM

Hats off!...That was pretty creative, and off the wall!..sort of 'stream of consciousness' with the bizarre twist. Someday, we'll meet up on a thread and swap turns, feeding each other lines.....and of course, none of the blonds are in the pool!

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:45 PM

My husband Winston is more than a bit twisted, Rapaire, but the very idea that he would debauch his own niece AND get involved with that wretched slattern Olive Whatnoll is simply outrageous! You, sir, are an agent-provocateur of the worst sort, and I hope you end up being sued for every last penny you possess.

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:47 PM

It ain't libel if it's true, Penny honey. Besides, I was just posting was a man named something like "Ballswarty" sent me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 02:47 PM

* PR

Seems Penny has her ass up in the air over this one.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 03:03 PM

gnu - That is how I normally sign off, you moron.

Very well, Rapaire, I accept your feeble explanation that that lunatic Hector Ballsworthy is behind the headline you posted. No surprise there. The man has been persecuting this family, and indeed anyone who resides in the upper classes, ever since I can remember. He is beneath contempt. If only there were   murderous "Lizard people" taking over society! They would capture master Ballsworthy and sacrifice him hideously on a bloodstained altar. Alas, there are none such. The man is either completely insane or just utterly without any scruples whatsoever. I suspect the latter. No one who is anyone reads his ludicrous journal, but I do surmise that Olive Whatnoll, predictably, does read it. I'm sure she will be quite upset when she sees the new issue.

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 03:35 PM

In passing, Ms. Rutledge, you might note that my Germanic/Dutch ancestry entitles me to be called "Kurfürst (or Keurvorst) Rapaire". That is to say, "Elector". I'm certain that you understand where this falls in the ranks of nobility.







(It really does!)


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 04:13 PM

Yes, I do understand that, Rapaire. May I congratulate you on your worthy antecedents. I trust that you are finding the rough frontier life in Boise adequate to your needs? Is it difficult to secure good domestic staff?

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 04:49 PM

Moron? Cretin, perhaps. Rude of eloquence perhaps. Redneck perhaps. Good ol' boy fer sure. But moron? Yer uppity assitude wouldn't even get Shane's foreskin ta twitch ya snooty bitch.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 05:23 PM

Is this the beginning of a wild romance??

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 05:27 PM

No, it isn't, dear. It's just the beginning of the rest of your life. Do try not to make a complete mess of it. (wink!) Your parents no doubt hoped for a great deal when they brought you into this world...

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 06:35 PM

If you really want to avoid making a mess of things, old chum, I heartily recommend cutting this little dialogue quite short. You know what they said about W when he started conversing with imaginary personalities--and look where that got us!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 06:53 PM

Ms. Rutledge, it is adequate. I have the golf club directly behind the house, which makes it somewhat more bearable. There is the occasional shooting party -- pheasant and grouse, with stag at the right time of the year. Riding, of course, abounds. But to sit on the veranda at evening, sipping port or perhaps a good single malt or even the local beer (which is quite good) while watching the sun slip behind the purple mountains which, although 120 miles or more away, have suddenly become "in your face" as they say -- THAT is worth the lack of some amenities.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 07:06 PM

I have a golf club. A five iron. I use it to "stir" the wood stove. Works as good as your poker.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 07:11 PM

Hell, you have the same vulnerability as W did--can't resist an opportunity to la it on, even with a fiction. Pfui.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 07:16 PM

Pfui? Is that American for phooey? Just a wild gess.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 09:33 PM

Hey Amos...wanna bet that what I've said isn't the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the dag-gummed truth?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 10 - 09:44 PM

No, I accept it without reservations; something not many golf clubs will do....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 12:30 AM

Getting all stuffy again, Amos? Telling other people who they shouldn't spend time talking to? My how you do go on. I swan.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:20 AM

I swanned. I was an ugly duckling, but I swanned and now I'm an ugly swan.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:35 AM

Ayeh, LH. Not trying to be controlling or anything, just pointing out to Rapaire that getting into long-winded flirtations with imaginary versions of oneself or imaginary others can be very deleterious to one's mental and phsyical health.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 01:06 PM

How so? Have not hundreds of generations of humanity amused and entertained themselves with fictional tales? Besides, flirtation with an imaginary person is actually far less dangerous to both one's mental health and one's bank account than flirtation with the real thing!


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 02:50 PM

Not if you do it well, amigo.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 03:15 PM

Just returned from the range. Yup, I kin still hit a 2x4 about 6 inches long at 25 yards with a snap shot -- little or no actual aiming. And I can do that consistently. Just thought I'd mention it in case them Greys dump Shame here.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 03:39 PM

I thought them there Greys had them there force shields er fields er somethin? Better be careful about shootin at them fellahs on accounta they might probe you with that there pistol a yers. Now, if yer talkin about shootin Shane, that would just be a waste a yer powder and court time. Imagine how a suspended sentence would look on yer recorded.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 03:45 PM

It was a dark and wintry night,
And the dark was wet and cold,
And the wind, it blew among the trees,
T'would make your bones feel old.
And hurrying down a frozen path
Beside a frozen weir
I thought of the home and the fireside
And the smile of my dearest dear.

But I had miles of midnight trail
Before I could sit by her
And the night was dark, and the night was cold,
As I dreamed about that fire.
The moon was just a pale complaint
Through the shadow of the hill,
When I saw a sight I'll ne'er forget,
And it chills my old blood still.

There through the trees a spectre grim
Came fumbling through the wood,
Its eyes were crazed, as if to him,
There was no right, nor good.
His hair was wild, his eyes were wild,
And his maddened face was young.
He pierced the dark with a cry from the heart
In a babbling, evil tongue.

Oh, it was the ghost of Shane McBride
With a Molson's in his paw,
Condemned by sin to wander the wood
Forsook by life and law.
Forsook by daylight, and by love
And even the sunlit air,
He wandered, undead, through the night
With garbage in his hair.

Now some may say my eyes are old,
Some say my brains are tired,
But I know what I saw, and I know 'twas him,
His eyes with madness fired,
His clothes all torn, his soul Unborn,
Oh, I know full well what I saw.
T'was the ruined shade of Shane McBride,
With a Molson's in his paw.


Guttersnipe Amberly Chitlin
Never North Again
Madcap Chapbooks PRess, Ottowa, 2011


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 03:54 PM

That's marvelous, Amos! Simply wonderful. A classic. My hat's off to you, old pard.

Regarding the flirtation and consequences thing...we all come into this world with different karmic patterns, Amos. Yours was quite possibly more fortunate in that regard than mine. That's just the way it is. Next time round, I may draw a different hand. We'll see.

Now take a guy with a truly terrible karmic hand...and you might have Shane McBride. Or Billy the Kid. I've been reading a really terrific book by Larry McMurtry about Billy the Kid, and it's called "Anything for Billy". Try and find a copy in the used book store or the library if you haven't read it yet. I recommend it most highly.

You too, Rapaire. Read that book if you can find it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 05:56 PM

Anyone who shoots at the Greys is being foolish. First of all, they have a high enough technology to be easily able to fend off such crude attacks. Secondly, even if you did shoot one of them down, they have extraordinary equanimity about their own "death", knowing that it's just the shedding of an exterior envelope, so to speak. You would think you did them some kind of lasting damage. They would not see it that way at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 06:06 PM

"...He wandered, undead, through the night
With garbage in his hair."

lolol


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 06:34 PM

I'm not practicing to take a shot at them Greys....


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 06:35 PM

...and I doubt that any judge would give me more than his or her thanks and the thanks of Humanity.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 07:14 PM

You'd get sommat... at least an hohourable mention less time served for waiting for the docket.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 08:36 PM

And a retro 100 to gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: gnu
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 09:42 PM

Opps. Sorry. I try to avoid the 100s. In favour of, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Aug 10 - 10:42 PM

Sorry. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 10 - 10:46 AM

If you have any loose hundreds laying around I'll take 'em.


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