The Gnomes sex change

Subject: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 01:24 PM

I have decided that I am fed up of the diminutive Spaniard. Too many negative connotations. At school I was always known as Polly (Polakow was a bit to advanced for Salford...) so I have reverted to my old nickname. The prefix is to ensure I don't get mixed up with the other Pollys out there. Seeing as it has often been pointed out that I am a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic and have to be treaded accordingly it seemed very apt :-)

So, Goodbye Mr. Gnomo, Hello Polly dear. I feel like a new woman...

MP.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 01:28 PM

BTW - Anyone up for a song challenge with the title :-)

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Bernard
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 01:36 PM

I feel like a new woman too, Dave, but I can't get one!!

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Will Fly
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 01:41 PM

Na zdrowie!

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 02:12 PM

Bernard - There's plenty of ladies at Swinton. Well, one or two. Well, maybe one. Ok - There's a Gnomish transvestite with a beard and a pink frock...

Iechyd da! to you too, Will. (From the other side of my family) Hope you are feeling better.

MP

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 02:19 PM

I've just thought of a start for the song challenge. Bearing in mind I am now Polly - How about 'High Germany'?

They took my Willy from me...

;:-D

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 02:25 PM

Oh, and here you go Bernard :-)

http://gnomeaggedon.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/pretty-dress.png?w=242&h=450

MP

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 03:48 PM

I wondered whether it was you, Dave- but I am so bitterly disappointed: I had thought you were a man. (Are there any female gnomes? I ask because I have never seen any female hobbits.)

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Ernest
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 04:14 PM

Change sex against what, Mad Polly? ;0)

Anyway, here is a scientific report about gnomes. If you look inside, you will see a female gnome. There might also be information about gnomes reproduction...

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 04:16 PM

You can tell the difference between male and female Gnomes by the length of their beards, Ebbie. In the strictest sense, while being a Gnome, I never was a man. Different species and all that. The sex change has altered that and now I am a man called Polly and very confused :-D

Of course the biggest problem is that the wife, 5 kids, and 2 grandkids will always see me with a fishing rod in hand and wonder where it all went wrong...

MP

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Little Robyn
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 04:16 PM

Oh yes there are female hobbits - one of our local folkies, Liz, was the female hobbit playing fiddle in the band at Bilbo's birthday party, near the beginning of the first LOTR film. She lives in my home town, a few miles from Wellington where the Weta workshops can be found.
But all the female hobbits stayed home in Hobbiton - they didn't have time to go on adventures!
Robyn

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 04:27 PM

Has this anything to do with the Human G'nome Project?

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: gnu
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 04:34 PM

Dave... hahahahahahaa. Good one!

As for female hobbits, my ex had some odd hobbits which is why she's ex.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 04:57 PM

Dave - Shhhhh - They are listening...

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Will Fly
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 04:59 PM

I'm just watching M A S H on TV and it's commercial break time.

Polly - could you put the kettle on?

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 05:09 PM

You know. No-one has ever said that before, Will...

:D

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 05:10 PM

Do you 'wolly doodle all the day' Polly?

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: gnu
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 05:14 PM

Eliza... hahahahahaa. I am giddy now. I have thoughts of poodles... poetically of course.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 06:03 PM

Seeing as it has often been pointed out that I am a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic and have to be treaded accordingly it seemed very apt.

Do you mean by that people walk on you or that you've had grooves carved into your hide? And how does either of those help? I've got several ideas of people to treaded.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Apr 11 - 08:45 PM

Wanna cracker? Or, I guess you are crackers!

Subject: LYR ADD: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 14 Apr 11 - 08:09 AM

Somebody mentioned a song challenge?

THE GNOMES SEX CHANGE
Nigel Parsons 14/4/11   (apologies to Ewan MacColl)

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.

The day was just ending, as I was descending
To Glasto, just South of the Tor
And being quite dense, I jumped over a fence
The wire ripped through the britches I wore.
It also ripped right through my manhood (gnome-hood?)
Leaving me terribly sore.
And the doctor he said, without laughing!
That I could be a dad-gnome no more!

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.

The specialist said I'd lost more than my 'head'
In truth, I'd lost most of my dick.
And tho' skin's quite elastic; still with surgery plastic
I'd more chance of a 'cave' than a 'pick' (sorry, dwarvish joke, I couldn't resist it despite the pain!)
I made up my mind in a jiffy
Though what I was losing was small.
The internal workings are iffy
The unkindest cut of them all!

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.

Now I go where I will, over valley & hill
And I don't care what other gnomes think
I remember my fate, I use stile or gate!
And my beard I've dyed a light pink
So I can still go on a bender
When to folk club, or folk fest I roam.
For no-one there questions my gender.
It matters to none but a gnome.

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 14 Apr 11 - 09:32 AM

Can this get back 'above the line' now please?

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Apr 11 - 01:11 PM

Well done that man:-)

Yes - Up with it! Although, I suspect, for some reason, it will stay where it is. (As Jones used to say, 'They don't like it up 'em... )

Cheers

MP

Or, maybe,

MPakaDeG?

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Apr 11 - 03:50 PM

The polyamorous lifestyle?


Ode to a fulfulled, reclusive, happy, older woman , anyone?

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Apr 11 - 03:54 PM

I was having a ponder and initialy thought that, due to my recent flirt with the hispanic, why not use Gnomo instead of Gnom-ee. Then I started to say it aloud and realsied that songing 'I'm a gnomo, I'm a gnomo from Manchester way' was not quite the right thing to do :-)

Well spotted, Nigel!

MP.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: gnu
Date: 14 Apr 11 - 03:57 PM

Well and good Ed, but who knows where she was during her former lives eh? I steer clear of women who sleep around and especially who slept around over the centuries.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Apr 11 - 04:36 PM

How does one detect one from the other, Gnu?

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Apr 11 - 04:42 PM

Note, graphic gnome content

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Apr 11 - 05:37 PM

Try this one instead.

And damn you, Mr T. Getting me all excited like that...

MP.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 Apr 11 - 11:45 PM

Oh my those poor children seeing all that plastic nakedness!

Well done, Nigel!!

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: olddude
Date: 15 Apr 11 - 08:28 AM

Barbie and Ken Gnomes? The hottest gift for kids this Christmas?

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Apr 11 - 11:06 AM

Not to belittle people who take whatever measures they need to to make life work for them, but

I'm just as glad this didn't turn out t0 be one of the mudcat ladies telling us that she had just undergone an addadicktome.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: gnu
Date: 15 Apr 11 - 01:18 PM

Or Dave having a dickhotomy.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Apr 11 - 04:24 PM

Is that like a dichotomy? :-) You'll have to excuse my ignorance but I think I am turning into one of them stupid people I mentioned on the other thread! And, frogprince, There is no need for that. Surgery should be the last couse of action. A strapadictomy would suit most people...

MP

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: gnu
Date: 15 Apr 11 - 05:24 PM

I never got the strap. Got a few pointers from the nuns but never the strap.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Apr 11 - 05:38 PM

Gnu, you bda man...

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Apr 11 - 06:22 PM

"Got a few pointers from the nuns"

Were they blue nuns, by chance?
Or, are you pointing to rather tasteless mental nunsploitation?

With Donini, Mateus Rosé, Baby Duck, and Blue Nun (german liebfraumilch)introduced me to "chugging" wines in the late 60's.

I understand that "Blue Nun" has been revamped for a turnaround, with new, more acceptable products and a marketing campaign that has made it trendy again. Never underestimate the staying power of the "Nun".

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Apr 11 - 06:40 PM

The only "sex change" experience I've had was with a girl in our high school who would do anything for a quarter.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Apr 11 - 06:48 PM

"do anything for a quarter".

So, that explains the frogprince name:)

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 16 Apr 11 - 06:30 AM

Or, to re-tell one of Groucho's:
"You're willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. And for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie."
(A Night at the Opera)

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 31 Aug 12 - 11:27 AM

Refresh;

Just because I can, and because I wanted to use the term 'necro-ing' which I have been advised means reviving a 'dead' discussion.

Subject: RE: The Gnomes sex change...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 01 Sep 12 - 05:59 AM

It's amazing how your past life catches up with you!

And, yes. It's grown back.

:D (tG)