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Subject: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Dave Hunt Date: 08 Mar 12 - 08:36 PM Looking for other words to this. Some start 'Gentlemen should please refrain....(my wife remembers only part of that one!) . The one I know is When the train is in the station , please refrain from urination Have respect for Railway property If you really must pass water, go and find a Railway porter He'll direct you to the lavatory And just had this from my friend John Wright in France Passengers will please refrain from copulating on the train While standing on the platform here at Crewe Please restrain this natural function 'till we get to Clapham Junction Where you'll find there's f**k all else to do Splendid! There must be many more versions - please share them with me to add to my collection of 'Parodies and Silly Songs'....my friend Baz Parkes once described me as having ' A head full of shite' !! Fine by me..... Thanks Dave |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Leadfingers Date: 09 Mar 12 - 04:37 AM Two sets of Lyrics in D T as 'Humouresqe' and a HEAP of stuff in the forum if you throw the opening line into the search box . |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: John MacKenzie Date: 09 Mar 12 - 05:12 AM Newly weds within the carriage Please don't consummate your marriage, While the train is standing here at Crewe Please restrain Etc etc. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Nigel Parsons Date: 09 Mar 12 - 07:20 AM Passengers will please refrain from copulating on the train While standing on the platform here at Crewe Please restrain this natural function 'till we get to Clapham Junction Where you'll find there's f**k all else to do I find those lyrics somewhat confusing. I've had to break my journey at Crewe numerous times. I can hardly believe that there is less to do at Clapham Junction than at Crewe! (unless you're an avid trainspotter!) |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,trevor Date: 02 Jul 12 - 07:11 AM Gentlemen should please refrain, From urinating when the train, Is standing at the station to re-fuel. If you have to pass your water, You should ask a passing porter, Where the loo is so that you can go. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: C Stuart Cook Date: 02 Jul 12 - 07:25 AM Passengers should please refrain from urinating whilst the train is standing in the station here at Crewe. For railway workers underneath get it in their hair and teeth They don't it and nor I think would you |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: MGM·Lion Date: 02 Jul 12 - 07:29 AM Two of my friends at Cambridge came up with, I think, a verse original to them, to the Humoresque tune but with a verse-end trope, as follows: Please refrain from masturbating While the train's in station waiting; Spunk may fall upon the man beneath ~~~~ Plate-laying! ~Michael~ |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST Date: 10 Jul 12 - 08:01 PM Gentlemen should please refrain From flushing toilets while the train Is standing in the station for a while. We encourage contemplation While the train is in the station, Cross your legs and grit your teeth and smile. If you wish to pass some water You should sing out for a porter Who will place a basin in the bog; Tramps and hoboes undeneath Get it in the eye and teeth, But that's what comes from being underdog. Drinking while the train is moving Is another way of proving, That control of eye and hand is sure; We like our clients to be neat, So please don't wet upon the seat, Or, even worse, don't splash upon the floor. If the Ladies' Room be taken, do not feel the least forsaken, Never show the sign of sad defeat, Try the Gents across the hall, and if some man has felt the call He'll courteously relinquish you his seat. If these efforts are in vain, then simply break the window pane, This novel method's used by very few, We go strolling through the park, a-goosing statues in the dark If Peter Pan can take it, why can't you? |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Sharon Date: 10 Nov 12 - 01:30 AM My Dad who went to University in the 1950's in Sydney (Australia) had this version: Passengers will please refrain From passing water while the train Is standing in the station or at rest We encourage constipation While the train is at the station Passengers will please do their best He also had a Latin Mass parody which began: I can play dominoes better than you can (response) No-oo you can't Does anyone know the rest of that one? |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST Date: 08 Jan 13 - 05:19 PM The verse I first heard was: Gentlemen will please refrain From flushing toilets while the train Is standing in the station. We love you! We encourage constipation; Sherman marched across the Nation. If Sherman's horse could hold it, you can too. May I submit this elaboration?: Gentlemen should try quite hard To keep their streams within the yard. Please aim them at the inside of the pot. There's no need for melodrama, But the janitor is not your mama. If you leave marks, a marksman you are not. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Seonaid Date: 08 Jan 13 - 07:27 PM Second verse, from an old Bristol trucker: If the train is stationary, And you have to go quite heavy, Do not drop your load upon the train! To the station you must wander, And a penny you must squander; Then relieve yourself with might and main. Re posting by previous Guest: Your 2nd verse reminds me of an old loo sign: "We aim to please -- you aim, too, please!" |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Don Firth Date: 08 Jan 13 - 07:50 PM As the song progresses, My favorite pasttime after darkFor some reason, the name "Oscar Brand" springs to mind. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Edthefolkie Date: 09 Jan 13 - 06:35 AM The Folk Process must have created the streamlined version I heard at school. The tune we used was The Policeman's Song from "The Pirates Of Penzance". So much for music lessons. Please refrain from urination While the train is in the station Other people would not like it, nor would you; Railway workers underneath Get it in their hair and teeth Other people would not like it, nor would you. Warning: Do NOT attempt to sing this ditty as it will stay with you for life, and drive you mad. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Peter McConnell Date: 06 May 13 - 01:46 AM Another verse for you: Ever since I've had your daughter I've had trouble passing water, Kindly make your daughter stay at home. Bugger going out late at night for to view the city lights, and leaving footprints on the dashboard upside down. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Jim McLean Date: 06 May 13 - 03:51 AM In a boat it disnae matter, fur it a' goes in the watter ...... Just a part of a refrain I remember from a long time ago. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Guest Graham Date: 30 Dec 13 - 07:37 AM If you lift the lid, You'll be fined five quid, and put upon probation, So, don't use the WC while the train is standing in the station, If you've got to go, Then you've got to go, Before you reach your destination, So, don't use etc ... |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Don Firth Date: 30 Dec 13 - 09:49 PM Oscar Brand's book--and a series of eight records: Bawdy Songs and Backroom Ballads. The songs are slightly bowdlerized, but it doesn't take much imagination to restore them to their really raunchy versions. Even as Brand does them, they are not what you could call mild, and definitely not suitable for singing in church. . . . Don Firth P. S. He was dirty and lousy and full of fleas, |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Gurney Date: 31 Dec 13 - 12:54 AM From Jerry Siverman's book: Music by Dvorak. Words no-one admits it. Passengers will please refrain from using toilets while the train is standing in the station. I love you, Therefore we urge constipation when the train is in the station. If the train can't go, then why should you. My favourite pastime after dark is goosing statues in the park, If Sherman's horse can take it, why can't you? I'm the guy who did mthe pushin', put the stains upon the cushion, footprints on the dashboard upside down. When you have a natural urge, or after you have had a purge, the management request you learn the art of using roses, or wisteria, between the parts of your posterior. Guaranteed to camouflage a fart! When you have to pass some water do it in the place you oughter, Please don't use my hat, and be a pal, Picture, please, your consternation, and your righteous indignation if you found your hat a urinal. Nothing looks much better than a girl who wears a sweater though she may not be as big as she appears. Remember, boys, before you wed 'er, best investigate that sweater or your wedding night may end in tears. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Dani Date: 31 Dec 13 - 08:41 AM For the first time EVER, Steve Goodman's lyrics to the City of New Orleans make SENSE! Thank you! Dani |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: JohnInKansas Date: 31 Dec 13 - 08:13 PM Minor variants rom a book I don't seem able to locate at the moment: Passengers will pleas refrain From using toilets while the train Is standing in the station, We thank You. Constipation's recommended While the train is being tended. If the train can't go Then why should you. AND Nothing looks much better Than a young girl in a sweater But the sweater may not be What it a appears. Boys, it's recommended That you see what's IN THE SWEATER Or your wedding night Might end in bitter tears. John |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Peter the Squeezer Date: 01 Jan 14 - 04:35 AM On a different (but related) matter - I once heard a cinema organist playing two tunes at the same time - the Dvorak one used for this song, and Stephen Foster's "Old Folks at Home" (Way down upon the Swannee river ...). Quite some feat - but they certainly do fit together. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Ackers Date: 25 Feb 15 - 03:20 PM Gentlemen will please refrain from passing water while the train Is standing in the station that means you oo Workers on the track beneath receive it in the face and teeth And they don't like it no and nor would you Ladies wishing to pass water please inform the station porter Who will place a bucket there was in view oo While the train is in the station we encourage constipation If the train can't go then why should you |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Bill S in Adelaide Date: 25 Feb 15 - 09:42 PM Read this and the "when the train is at the station" similar thread with a wry smile. When we were working on the line and stood clear to allow a train to pass, it was not uncommon to see the train with a mist spray, so we got well clear if we saw it, not always possible. Direct discharge not only coated the staff on the line but the sides of the coaches, another reason not to lean out of the window. Using the loo at the station resulted in an unpleasant working environment, to put it politely. We were one of the few workplaces where customers could crap on the floor. In the days of guards vans, there were no loos, so they would go on a newspaper and throw it out, in a tunnel if there was one. There are tales of people working in the tunnel copping this output. It didn't make working in tunnels any more pleasant. On the other thread is a query about peeing on the live rail. This happened on a number of occasions in the non-gangwayed 6 facing 6 with opening windows where the temptation to go out of the window to relieve bladder pressure resulted in a nasty injury and probable removal from the gene pool. I believe all UK trains have retention loos though some heritage lines may not. Certainly in Europe and Asia the very direct discharge is still prevalent, where you can look down and see the track, |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Scabby Douglas Date: 26 Feb 15 - 06:56 AM The Scottish version I learned (following on from Jim McLean's fragment): Passengers will please refrain From passing water while the train Is standing in the station (We thank you) On a boat it disnae matter Everythin goes in the watter This applies to lady users too. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Sandy Date: 26 Feb 15 - 07:16 AM I know this lyric as a round: Passengers will please refrain from flushing the toilet while the train is in the station standing Darling I love you |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Joe_F Date: 26 Feb 15 - 06:25 PM I am highly skeptical of stories about dire consequences of relieving oneself on an electrified rail. (One of them goes back to the 18th century -- it is said that Benjamin Franklin deterred the patrons of a neighboring tavern by coating the wall of his shop with foil & electrifying it with a Leyden jar.) Casual observation suggests that the stream would have broken up into drops long before it hit the conductor. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Leadfingers Date: 26 Feb 15 - 07:19 PM Some extra verses :- In the carriage there's a chain , if you pull it it stops the train There's a twenty five pound fine if you're unwise So ladies if you're being molested , wait until you've been divested Its not worth five fivers otherwise Gentlemen , please be discreet - When using the toilet lift the seat The rocking motion may make you miss the pan And lady passengers following on might get it on their sit upon 'Cos they cant stand and wee wee like a man Passengers will please refrain from dropping dog ends down the drain Really now , you know that isn't right For railway workers passing by may try to smoke them, on the sly And soggy dog ends are so hard to light |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Les. Bouchier. Date: 04 Sep 15 - 05:39 PM All very funny enjoyed all your post I first heard these on an old rugby songs LP. When Classic FM is on the radio and they play "that" music I always sing those words! |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Joe_F Date: 04 Sep 15 - 06:11 PM Prostitutes and pretty ladies Douche to keep from having babies. How do you like the way I part my hair? |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,padgett Date: 04 Sep 15 - 06:31 PM Very old sign in Barnsley Market circa 1960 Gentlemen are respectfully requested to refrain from expectorating Ray |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Don Day Date: 05 Sep 15 - 11:09 AM Don Firth alluded to; "Now the Minstrels sing of an English King of many long years ago Who ruled the land with an iron hand though his followers were weak and low. His only outer garment was a dirty yellow shirt With which he tried to hide his hide, but he couldn't hide the dirt. Ch. He was dirty lousy full of fleas but he had his women by twos and threes God bless the bastard King of England. Now this one rings a bell! Want the rest? Don Day |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Snuffy Date: 05 Sep 15 - 02:36 PM We've already got it here at Mudcat THE BASTARD KING OF ENGLAND But if you have any other verses, they'd be most welcome |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: LadyJean Date: 05 Sep 15 - 10:39 PM My mother sang Passengers will please refrain From flushing toilets while the train Is standing in the station, I love you. She taught it to us while on a train trip, during which we saw such a sign in the train's restroom. Mom, who was, by the way, nearly always a perfect lady, also claimed to have seen a sign in a rest room that said: When using our john, please dont't stand on the seat. Our crabs can jump up to 18 feet. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: MGM·Lion Date: 05 Sep 15 - 11:34 PM I suspect it might have been a graffito rather than an official sign that Lady J's mother saw. ≈M≈ |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,alan b Date: 30 Jan 17 - 04:08 PM Will gentlemen please refrain from urinating on the train while standing in the station La La la i to find myself singing it to CLASSIC FM when the music is played |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 31 Jan 17 - 07:59 AM This is great. The version my mother sang to me is a mashup of several others posted above: Passengers will please refrain From flushing toilets while the train Is standing in the station, I love you. People standing underneath Would get it in their hair and teeth And others wouldn't do it, why should you? |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,DuncanM Date: 17 Mar 17 - 10:26 AM Here's my version Gentlemen should please refrain From urinating on the train While standing at the station. Never pooh Just pinch it in. Try to relax 'cause what you pass falls on the tracks Why else d'you think they named it Waterloo |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: GUEST,Jimmy the Fish Date: 17 Jun 19 - 10:03 AM Passengers will please refrain from flushing toilets while the train Is in the station. Darling, I love you-u-u We encourage constipation while the train is in the station. When the train moves, darling, so can you. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Bill D Date: 17 Jun 19 - 11:20 AM "The Folk Process" has never been so clearly demonstrated as in the wide variety of memories of this ditty. I heard one version many years ago.... probably based on the Ed McCurdy example.... but obviously the theme brought out a display of creative poetic license seldom exceeded. The only line(s) missing from what *I* remember were: "We encourage constipation while the train is in the station.. Moonlight always makes me think of you. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Lighter Date: 17 Jun 19 - 11:43 AM Bill, shouldn't that be Oscar Brand and not Ed McCurdy? |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Bill D Date: 17 Jun 19 - 02:41 PM Ummm... why, uhh.. but Ed sang "Songs of Dalliance"...which is the same vague category,...right? Yes...of course... Oscar Brand. Now that I am older than them, it all blurs. Thanks, Lighter |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Lighter Date: 17 Jun 19 - 05:37 PM Hmm. Come to think of it, I may be as old as both of them together. I mean when they were recording. Thanks, Bill.... |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Rumncoke Date: 18 Jun 19 - 06:50 PM There's also another couple of verse which wander in Was it you who did the pushing Put the stains upon the cushion, footprints on the panelling upside down. Was it you you dirty beggar got into my lass Rebecca? If it was you better leave this town Yes it was me who did the pushing Put the stains upon the cushion And that set of footprints upside down But ever since I had your daughter I've had trouble passing water So I think that makes it evens all around. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Gentlemen should please refrain From: Mrrzy Date: 21 Jun 19 - 01:22 PM Filed under Oh, so that's what he meant. This is a line in Arlo's City of New Orleans that made no sense to me. And now it does! Love this place. |
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Subject: RE: ADD:Gentlemen should please refrain/Humoresque From: GUEST,John Date: 24 Apr 21 - 05:40 AM Remembered from my school days in the 1950s: Gentlemen will please refrain from making water While the train is standing in the station. Workmen working underneath might get it in the eyes and teeth, They wouldn’t like it much and nor would you. If you make water please call the Porter, He will place a vessel in the vestibule. We encourage constipation while the train is in the station, Roses only make me think of you! |
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Subject: RE: ADD:Gentlemen should please refrain/Humoresque From: GUEST Date: 24 Apr 21 - 07:57 AM I remember the start of a version from when I was a child... it went..... Ladies and gentlemen please refrain, From pulling on the lavatory chain, When the train is standing at the station. |
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Subject: RE: ADD:Gentlemen should please refrain/Humoresque From: Georgiansilver Date: 24 Apr 21 - 02:11 PM Sorry.. Guest was me. |
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