Lyr ADD: If I Were the Marrying Kind (rugby song)

Subject: Marrying Kind
From: Rugger
Date: 17 Mar 98 - 05:40 AM

I'm looking for more verses to this classic rugby song. If you know of any, could you post 'em? Thanks.

MARRYING KIND

If I was the marrying kind,
Which I thank the Lord I'm not sir,
The kind of man that I would be,
Would be a rugby...

Prop, sir!
Prop, sir? Why is that, sir?

Because I'd support a hooker,
And she'd support a hooker,
And we'd all support a hooker together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Supporting hookers together.

OTHER VERSES
Prop #2 / bind tight
Hooker in a scrum / strike hard
Hooker in a lineout / stick it in the tunnel
Lock / sniff butt
Flanker / hold it in
8 Man / split cheeks
Scrumhalf / put it in
Flyhalf / whip it out
Center three-quarters / pass it out
Wing three-quarters / go hard
Fullback / find touch
Referee / blow hard
Spectator on a sunny day / come again
Spectator on a rainy day / come in rubbers
Spectator on a rainy day #2 / get wet
Spectator in the second half / wouldn't come
Groundskeeper / trim bush
Groundskeeper #2 / do lines
Goalpost / stand erect
Cleat / get screwed
Boot / come in a box
Whistle / get blown
Team from far away / come for hours
Field / grow weed
Rulebook / get violated
Ball / get pumped
Water bottle / get sucked
Halftime Orange / get eaten

Subject: Rugby Song, If I Were the Marrying Kind
From: Ferrara
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 05:43 PM

A local singer used to do this song. Only remember two verses and may have them wrong but I think they went like this:

If I were the marrying kind,
which thank the Lord I'm not sir,
The kind of a man that I would wed
Would be a Rugby forward.
Then he'd put it in, and I'd put it in,
We'd both put it in together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Putting it in together.

If... The kind of a man that I would wed
Would be a Rugby spectator.
Then he'd come again, and I'd come again,
we'd both ...etc.

Anyone know any more verses? Somehow this thing crept into my head lately and I keep singing the same two verses over and over. I need more verses so I can have some variety. Thanks. Rita F

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Rugby Song, If I Were the Marrying K
From: Melbert
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 06:02 PM

If I were the marrying kind which
thank the Lord I'm not sir,
The kind of a girl that I would wed
Would be a scrum half's daughter.
Then she'd put it in, and I'd put it in,
We'd both put it in together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Putting it in together.

If I were the marrying kind which
thank the Lord I'm not sir,
The kind of a girl that I would wed
Would be a forward's daughter.
She'd push hard, I'd push hard
We'd both push hard together
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Pushing hard together.

Sorry... can't remeber any more.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Rugby Song, If I Were the Marrying K
From: Boarding Party (KC)
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 07:34 PM

If I were the marrying kind, which thank the Lord I'm not sir, The kind of a man that I would wed Would be a Rugby [Full back]

And he'd [kick hard] And I'd [kick hard] We'd all [kick hard] together We'd be all right in the middle of the night [Kick]ing [hard] together

... grounds keeper ... fill holes

... full back ... find touch

... wing three quarter ... going hard

... centre three quarter ... pass it out

... fly half ... whip it out

... hooker ... strike hard

... big prop forward ... bind tight

... referee's whistle ... blow hard

And my favorite from Bob Hitchcock

... half time orange ... get sucked

Subject: Lyr Add: IF I WERE THE MARRYING KIND (rugby song)
From: Micca
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 07:39 PM

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby prop, sir.
Cause I'd support a hooker
And you'd support a hooker
We'd all support a hooker together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Supporting hookers together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby 2nd row
I'd sniff butt
And you'd sniff butt
We'd all sniff butt together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Sniffing butt together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby scrum half
I'd put it in
And you'd put it in
We'd all put it in together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Putting it in together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a half-time orange
I'd get sucked
And you'd get sucked
We'd all get sucked together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Getting sucked together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a spectator on a rainy day
I'd come in rubbers
And you'd come in rubbers
We'd all come in rubbers together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Coming in rubbers together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a spectator on a sunny day
I'd come in come again
And you'd come again
We'd all come again together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Coming again together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby grounds keeper #1
I'd trim bush
And you'd trim bush
We'd all trim bush
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Trimming bush together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby grounds keeper #2
I'd do lines
And you'd do lines
We'd all do lines
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Doing lines together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby boot
I'd come in boxes
And you'd come in boxes
We'd all come in boxes together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Coming in boxes together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby cleat, sir.
I'd get screwed
And you'd get screwed
We'd get screwed together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Getting screwed together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby ball, sir.
I'd get pumped
And you'd get pumped
We'd get pumped together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Getting pumped together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby whistle, sir.
I'd get blown
And you'd get blown
We'd get blown together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Getting blown together.

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 4-Apr-03.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Rugby Song, If I Were the Marrying K
From: Ferrara
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 01:48 PM

WOW! -- Thanks a lot to all!! -- Now I can keep my brain going in circles for hours without ever repeating a verse!

KC, how about that!! What a surprise -- Good to see you here. Now would you pretty please give us the words to the Ash Grove parody?.... "And the hair...." etc... Frustrates me no end not to know the verses to that one.

- Rita Ferrara

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Rugby Song, If I Were the Marrying K
From: Micca
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 03:20 PM

Rita do you mean "the Mayor of Bayswaterhads got a lovely daughter and the hair on her dickey-di-do ahngs don to her Knee"? if you do drop me a line I think Ive got the words somewhere

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Rugby Song, If I Were the Marrying K
From: Micca
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 07:05 PM

Wht the above should have said is- Rita do you mean "The Mayor of Bayswater has got a lovely daughter and the hair on her dickey-di-do hangs down to her Knee"? if you do drop me a line I think I've got the words somewhere

Subject: Lyr Add: THE MAYOR OF BAYSWATER (rugby song)
From: Boarding Party (KC)
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 05:33 AM

OK Micca, let's put this one together:


THE MAYOR OF BAYSWATER (tune – ASH GROVE)
(Bayswater is an (posh) area (and street) in London right by Kensington Palace/Gardens)

Verse:
The Mayor of Bayswater
He had a lovely daughter

Refrain:
And the hairs on her dickey-dido
Hung down to her knees.

Chorus:
And the hairs on her dikey-dido (3x)
Hung down to her knees.
One black one, one white one
And one with a bit o' shite on
And the hairs on her dickey-dido
Hung down to her knees.


Alternate chorus: (last two lines)
...
And one with a little light on
To show us the way

Alternate Chorus:
...
One black one, one red one
and one that she bled on
And the hairs on her dickey-dido
Hung down to her knees.


Verses:
'Twould take a Welsh miner
To find her vagina.

I've seen it, I've cleaned it
I've been in between it.

If she were my daughter
I'd have them cut shorter

It's as big as a mountain
And pisses like a bloody fountain

I've felt it, I've smelt it
It's just like a bit of velvet


Surely there must be other verses?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Rugby Song, If I Were the Marrying K
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Jun 00 - 04:09 PM

She came from Longforgan, with an arse like a barrel-organ

She married a miller with a prick like a fucking pillar

She married a porter with a prick like a three-inch mortar

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Rugby Song, If I Were the Marrying K
From: sophocleese
Date: 06 Jun 00 - 04:52 PM

She married an Italian with balls like a fucking stallion

She divorced the italian and married the fucking stallion

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Rugby Song, If I Were the Marrying K
From: Bert
Date: 06 Jun 00 - 06:50 PM

I chased her, I caught her, I gave her a baby daughter.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If I Were the Marrying Kind (rugby song)
From: Lighter
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 09:57 AM

Canadian Navy officer Hal Lawrence recalled hearing it in 1941 ("A Bloody War," 1979):

“The laughing mob opened to receive us back in. A Wren was sitting on the bar, singing :

                If I were a marrying girl,
                Which thank the Lord I’m not, sir,
                The sort of man that I would wed
                Would be a rugby scrum-half.

        “The chorus roared out :

                Oh, he’d push hard
                And I’d push hard
                And we’d push hard together;
                We’d be all right in the middle of the night
                Pushing hard together.

        “My Polish friend jumped up alongside her,

                If I were a marrying girl,
                Which thank the Lord I’m not, sir,
                The sort of man that I would wed
                Would be a rugby quarter.

                Oh, he’d put it in
                And I’d put it in
                And we’d put it in together;
                We’d be all right in the middle of the night
                Putting it in together.”

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Marrying Kind (rugby song)
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Oct 19 - 11:43 AM

Ball / bound in leather
Referee’s hat / sit on a dick
Scrum half / touch balls
Wing / get none
Flank / get off quick
Fullback / get fucked