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BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 23 Apr 14 - 01:19 PM Is he a Special Offer? Noddy got up feeling very happy. He danced along to Big Ears' toadstool house. On the way, he trilled, "Hello dear little birds! Good morning pretty little flowers! Hello dear Big Ears' garden gate! Nice to see you, Big Ears' darling doorknocker..." The door slowly opened and Big Ears' face appeared. "F*** off, Noddy!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 23 Apr 14 - 02:23 PM "Do you feel we are perhaps being too nice to each other?" Maybe, but we arent having mudcat sex yet....well, as far as I know. If it is occuring, I haven't been alerted or invited. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 02:43 PM Oh, Ed, you poor little innocent. Do you not realise that Mudcat IS sex to some. :D tG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 23 Apr 14 - 02:44 PM We've all been at it for ages, but sorry Ed, you're not nearly sufficiently well-endowed to take part. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:32 PM Could membership in the undercover encounters be reconsidered, if I apply for an extension? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:48 PM Do you not realise that Mudcat IS sex to some. Jesus Christ, Dave, is this an attempt to revive Betty Swollox...? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:15 PM Nah - I always preferred Lilo Lil. But don't tell Betty... :D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:30 PM BTW - One of our mutual friends is not following the rules. On the 'boring' thread there is a very sinister line of abuse which reads .....your friends "wife" will be found and an apology will be forthcoming......be certain of that. Now, to my simple little mind, that is a threat, which is the worst form of abuse I have seen on here. Ever. I have not responded on there because on here I can refer to him as the knobhead who even puts wife in quotes. Which is, of course, perfectly permissible on this thread :-) DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:37 PM Betty is still waiting for Steve to pay her for making the dripping butties with cucumber in vinegar. I can put a good word in for you with Back Entry Bertha if you want? Strap a plank across your arse, you'll be ok. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:54 PM Yebbut what about the escaped-bingo-balls-in-the-car-park fiasco, courtesy of Dave's soggy-bottomed cardboard ball-box, which meant that we had no Two Fat Ladies ball and a consequent near bloody lynching of us bingo organisers? Yeah, right, all bloody coming out now, innit! Yeah! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Joe Offer Date: 23 Apr 14 - 07:35 PM Now, this is the sort of discussion I like to see. Keep it up, ya motherfuckers. love, -Joe- |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Tattie Bogle Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:24 PM But whatever happened to that other abuse thread of a few months ago, which was a 1000 times funnier than this one? Surely it should have been permanent then. I bust my sides laughing at it. Dear abused Joe, please find it again and roll it all into one great tirade of super-abusiveness. Gnu was particularly abusive and hilarious. I now have a sense of déjà vu: it's those effing frogs again, and don't you DARE say déjà VOO, it's vu as in VIEW ya numpties, or it means something totally different from what those effing froggies meant it to mean. Why don't you get some froggy education? Did I say I've just come back from France? Non? Mais merde! And glad to see at least one other bad girl getting into a bad boy thread here. Wey-hey Eliza! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Tattie Bogle Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:33 PM Found the old thread, entitled "an insult thread" - started 21st June last year, died on 2nd July. This one's gotta be PERMANENT, remember ya daft nincompoops. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:11 AM Belt up Joe! You lot might have the intelligence to keep some traditions such as beer and Shakespeare but you were never cultured enough to really accept bingo in the first place! Bloody colonies. Oy Shaw! Outside now! Betty was a sweet innocent wench until you got her tossing balls. I only hired her as an altar maiden but no, you have to initiate her into bingo didn't you? And another thing. Since you gave her the old patter, she has put a poster of that scouse git Gerrard on her bedroom wall. Allegedly. Err. So I have been told. Can I start this post again? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 03:27 AM Bingo? Bingo? What is this bingo? Housey-housey, please! Seven-and-six... Was she worth it? If her man has a soggy ball-box, does it matter? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 24 Apr 14 - 03:44 AM Hey! Good news Steve, you are now officially have minority status. This means we can abuse you, maginalise you and take away your human rights to our hearts content. The Daily Mail will start a campaign to stop illegal Cornish immigrants taking our jobs and I will have to update my sign to say "No dogs. No Romanians. No Cornishmen." You had best watch out on your trips up here to Gods own country. Make sure your visa is up to date and watch out for them blokes in white hoods :-) Bollocks! DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 24 Apr 14 - 04:07 AM They've always had minority status, it's just that there were never enough votes in Cornwall for any government to give a flying fuck. All bets are off now and Steve & co are being wooed by foreign Englishmen in suits claiming to have empathy and three months down payment rent on a cottage as close to The Tamar as they can get. I blame that Jethro. If it wasn't for him, they could have got on with designing six fingered flutes and sunglasses with three lenses, and no one would have been any the wiser. (Except in Norfolk, their chief export market for such goods.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 05:00 AM I can't believe that someone could be so petty as to start a thread in the past with the sole intent of discrediting this one. What sort of person would do that? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 24 Apr 14 - 05:08 AM Doctor Who? Bollocks. DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 05:25 AM Musket, LOL! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 05:47 AM At a minimum, it should be semi-permanent. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 24 Apr 14 - 06:35 AM How would you do that? Other than with Viagra? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 24 Apr 14 - 06:55 AM Jethro's in UKIP now I believe. He's supposed to be Cornish but he's lived in Devon, England for donkeys' years. Twat. And Dave, try to not post links that force me to unintentionally stare at Call-me-Dave and SamCam at Polzeath with one of my favourite bloody walks in the whole world in the background! I was going to do it this weekend as well! B*ast*ard! Ruined it forever, you have! :-( |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 14 - 07:22 AM Pathetic. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 24 Apr 14 - 07:37 AM Wonder if anybody's been following the blossoming Nige the Farrago/LePenn love affair - where's Barbara Cartland when you need her? Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 07:45 AM I find his deputy Paul "Don't let anyone get a word on edgeways or I'll say let me finish" Nuttall even more of a laugh. His response to the question about Farrage's German secretary was very amusing He always sounds like a man who is just about to hit someone |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 08:44 AM What a handy place to keep something especially if you haven't got pockets or a bag... Twat with a gun |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 09:03 AM Good idea. It leaves her hands free to roll a spliff or renew her lipstick. Many of us ladies keep our guns there. We just make sure they aren't loaded of course. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 09:47 AM So, that's where the term DSO, possibly came from (dick shot off). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 10:35 AM ""Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it. If change is of the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premise of our philosophy."" W. Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge, 1943 |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 10:40 AM Nice quote. He's not with us any more is he? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 10:58 AM While the issue of dealing with abuse is discussed before a mudcat parliamentary commission, a disclaimer is needed to limit liability of the mudcat .org. - to protect the tender minds if those who have been around mudcat for many years, but, could by chance enter an obviously wacky abusive thread topic, and unintentionally read materials posted by a named individual, or group, well known to get into arguments on such topics, and well known to post in a graphic manner comments that could disturb these innocents. Here is a draft declaimer to draw from: Mudcat abuse disclaimer |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:12 AM "Nuttall even more of a laugh." God's gift to "Have I got News For You" - don't you just miss 'Spitting Image'? Certainly put's women in their place - bed or kitchen. Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:19 AM That's an excellent disclaimer and quite all-embracing but I was thinking of something shorter. Perhaps along the lines of Hesse in Steppenwolf - |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:27 AM I don't know Nick, IMO, the remains of the mudcat folk community have already, knowingly or not, abandoned all reasonable hope. I suggest the long-time missing ones should aptly be termed "the dearly departed". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:31 AM I thought that one was Farage. But whether it's Godfrey Bloom or any of them it is an indication of institutional whateverism. I think I might start voting for them. If they got into power they would probably be much like the liberals and (rather sadly from my perspective, by their actions, cock up their chances of getting elected again for another century or two. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:37 AM After all - How much damage can a government do in a single term in power? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:38 AM I swear this is completely true:- I just now nipped out to our public library ten minutes away. Picked some good books and then decided to go on one of their computers, as our measly 0.3 mega thingies at home is so slow. Logged in my library number, got the computer going, typed in Mudcat and... the whole screen lit up with "ACCESS TO THIS SITE IS BARRED. REASON - PORNOGRAPHY, NOT IN ACCORDANCE WITH OUR POLICY OF DECENCY AND ACCEPTABILITY! I nearly had a fit. I read and re-read this enormous message in red, by which time the old gentleman sitting next to me was staring at it and me with a very odd look in his eye. I fetched the assistant and she too gave me an odd look. PORNOGRAPHY??????? I've been going to this library for over 30 years. She rang the Council dept and they said they'd installed a new system. I was croaking, "But it's a Folk Music and Traditions site, not PORNO!!" She said it would be rectified in 2 days. I crawled out of there red-faced and feeling like slitting my throat. I'm back home now and having a calming cup of tea. What was all that about eh? Why should Mudcat of all things be censored like that? Please somebody calm me down!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:52 AM Look on the bright side. Now that it has a filter, Akenaton can post his particular brand of obscene depravity without me shouting at the moderators. Not nice to read still, all the same. If I use the NHS laptop I have been provided with for accessing data that is safeguarding sensitive, that can't get Mudcat either. Methinks banjo has another meaning? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:59 AM Perhaps it was the girl and the gun? It was a Beatles Song wasn't it? Happiness is a warm gun (Oo dear, unless it was already a sort of pun on the word 'happiness' sounding a bit like a thingy - gone all coy all of a sudden - which I hadn't spotted before) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 12:03 PM It's something of a concern though that I can post a comment like 'How much damage can a government do...' and not have a response. Some possibilities come to mind - * Perhaps I have inadvertently created the most friendly, genteel, Spa-town tea dance sort of thread in my attempt to be abusive and controversial * Or perhaps it's just keeping the pillocks out? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:26 PM Genteel is too close to genital, and would likely be screened out, as porn? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:37 PM "Please somebody calm me down!!!!" It's that Noddy joke of yours wot did it 'Liza Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:40 PM Ask them if they have a copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover next time you go in Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:41 PM Be clam, and carry on |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:47 PM Todays random term from the Urban Dictionary: Fart Lapse The period of time it takes between the fart and the recognition of the fart, from another person. Useage:"Hoorah, today I got a record Fart Lapse of 21.54 seconds!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:53 PM What hurt more than anything was when I spoke to the assistant and said, "Obviously a very old lady like me who can hardly walk wouldn't be trying to access PORN!!" and she replied with a deadpan, unsmiling face, "Well....we don't know that do we?" What a cheek!! I'm still puzzling over it. It was the actual word Mudcat the computer wouldn't accept. Is there something I don't know? Is it a euphemism for something a bit rude? My poor husband's going to have to listen to all this when he gets home from work! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:58 PM I believe it can refer to a mixture of anal and traditional sex in the underground sexual culture, Eliza. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 02:33 PM LOL Ed! But one would need two willies for that! Husband has come home and taken refuge in the shower. It's no good asking him to explain it, he can hardly speak English as it is. The thing is, I daren't show my face at that library again. I can just hear them, "Ah! Here comes that weird old lady who watches porno!", while getting 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' ready for me to pick up. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 24 Apr 14 - 02:46 PM A certain greyhound not a million miles from where I sit has an average fart lapse that can be measured in milliseconds. His mongrel predecessor had a slight variation on fart lapse. If he stood up for no reason and left the room, it hit you as his arse flipped through the door. Still miss the mangy bugger. |
