BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 04:54 PM

Whatever you do, Eliza, don't look up Penistone or Scunthorpe!

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 05:47 PM

a mixture of anal and traditional sex

Is there a difference?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 08:17 PM

"Possible penalties for early withdrawal." No.

As for the disclaimer "No alcohol, dogs or horses." No comment.

Ditto "It's something of a concern though that I can post a comment like 'How much damage can a government do...' and not have a response." I apologize for not answering your question sooner but I had to ponder the fact that your entire question failed to address that fact that most "governments" do not "serve one term" but actually serve many because it is still the same government no matter what party gets elected >>> they all sleep in the bed of the rich and powerful.

Droll shite I admit so let's get back to the OP.

Amos and ART... it's snowing and blowing like a banshee here so FUCK YOUSE AND YER FUCKING SANDALS AND SWEATERS. If I was anywhere near either a youse, I'd shove a snowshoe up yer ass (google snowshoe and don't post that you never heard of such you pricks) and I wouldn't give two fucks from Tuesday who got the right one and who got the left one.

If ANYone sees Old Man Winter, hold him down until I get there... I have more than one pair of snowshoes.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 08:41 PM

"Is there a difference?"

Well, yes, in most cases.

Since pressed to be more to the point, I believe it involves switching orafaces, minus a clean-up.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 02:54 AM

I have oral sex most of the time. It does mean just talking about sex doesn't it?

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 02:59 AM

"It does mean just talking about sex doesn't it?"
If it doesn't, it means you are talking with your mouth full
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket musing
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 03:27 AM

I sympathise. I've been mistaken for a cunt myself.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 03:30 AM

Hahaha Dave!! Or even Effin in County Limerick. I've decided to send a letter to Norfolk County Council complaining about not allowing Mudcat to be accessed in their libraries. It's discriminatory. After all, there's nothing rude or naughty on here. Just look at this thread for example......... er...

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 04:23 AM

It's the org bit, stands for orgasm of course! That'll be why! Proves it's Porn.

And how do you measure fart lapse when it's SBD? ( Silent but deadly). One of my colleagues was renowned for this: we only knew it was him as he'd look around trying to pin it on someone else.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 04:26 AM

Next time you go to the library say, in a very loud voice, the county council are Norfolk and good at their job.

I remember being quite shocked the first time I heard a girl make a sexual comment. We were talking about, of all people, Barry Manilow on whom she had a crush. Is that the right use of whom BTW? Anyway... Someone commented that she would not say no if Barry Manilow walked in with his dick hanging out. Quick as a flash she said "I would not say anything. It's rude to talk with your mouth full." :-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 05:14 AM

All my dogs have been SBD. Except one who did the occasional trumpet. He jumped up and spun round looking for the source. Oh how we laughed, which is harder than it looks whilst pinching your nose.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 05:54 AM

Surely Barry Manilow (beautifully described once as 'like looking at yourself in the back of a spoon') would have fallen over.

If you are walking forwards and some one was to attach themselves to your member then, unless they are on heels or a trolley, it would be quite tricky to make forward progress. Except if your friend was very short and was competent at walking backwards smoothly. Goodness knows what would have happened to Barry if she'd bumped into something.

Perhaps he wrote this in anticipation of the moment? If my memory serves me right he wrote -

Oh Mandy
You kissed me and stopped me from walking
But I fell anyway.
Oh, Mandy well,
You gave and I came without talking
I need you today
*sigh* Ohhhhh Mandy

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 07:24 AM

I dunno, gnu. I never tried sex on snowshoes. But, it's likely has been done before.

(Get the drift:)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 07:32 AM

I don't think it's "stopped me from walking", Nick. You have one letter wrong. Maybe it's "stopped me from wanking". That would make more sense :-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 08:54 AM

But it wouldn't rhyme, Dave.

Are you suggesting that he was absent mindedly wandering into a room forgetting that he was in the midst of a hand job and was promptly seized upon by 'Mandy' who took matters into her own hands (well, not hand exactly)

I think we are getting dangerously close to libel. Probably well past in fact

I still maintain that it is very difficult to perform said act on someone when they are walking forwards. Outside of it being a health and safety nightmare I think the danger of tripping over the person is enormously high.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 08:59 AM

Adds a whole new light to "Wheel on the entertainment" :-)

Wot's wrong wiv getting close to libel anyroads? I thought this was supposed to be abuse?

Bollocks.

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 09:00 AM

...and you are not being abusive, Nick. Just a pedantic twat. MtheGM is supposed to be our resident pedant.

Arse.

D.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 05:15 PM

I'm surprised that you haven't considered KFC

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 06:23 PM

Scientific research published in the highly-respected Journal of the Organisation for Neurological Anthropolgy and Natural Trends in Interactional Cybernetics (ONANTIC), note a decline in right handed masturbation.

The research gives the reason for this change, matches, and therefore may be directly caused by, the shift in commonly used sources of masturbatory stimuli from paper-based (magazines as Playboy and Penthouse) to directly online-accessed or downloaded images. The effect of this, the researchers say, is that, whereas in earlier decades the left hand was sufficiently nimble-fingered to turn the pages of a magazine, more recently the right hand has in most cases become entirely occupied with manipulating the (usually by default right-hand-oriented) computer mouse. The result of this is that the left is then required to manipulate the organ.

a href="http://valuesaustralia.com/blog/right-handed-masturbation-decline/">decline in self abuse 

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Apr 14 - 06:26 PM

Sorrh, the link was not properly linked,, as my left hand was occupied.

decline in right hand abuse 

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 01:36 AM

Known affectionately by medics as bicep differential.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 04:12 AM

This thread is beginning to turn into a discussion of the alleged crew of the Black Pig.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: selby
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 07:33 AM

Just goes to show how wrong I have been all these years thinking you are a RIGHT set of W******
Keith

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 08:44 AM

I write with my right hand so I use a mouse with my left hand. Never did make sense to me why anyone would do otherwise.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 12:51 PM

Why would you think we were a right set of walkers, Keith? I enjoy a stroll up to Lund's Tower of a weekend but I dunno about the others.

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: selby
Date: 27 Apr 14 - 03:55 AM

The term I was referring to is the high levels of personal exercise that revolve around the community,usually in the privacy of peoples own abode although I do understand that some people, do like the outdoor approach.
Keith

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Apr 14 - 04:08 AM

Ah, gotcha. Winking. :-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 28 Apr 14 - 08:52 PM

Hey, c'mon guys, you've gone and let this become unpermanent and fall off the below-the-belt threads. Just as well I bookmarked it but then the sodding elfs went and cut off my cookies again.
Yours painfully and disgusted in Edinburgh.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 03:01 AM

Alright Tattie, I've decided to insult you thoroughly (only in fun, I hasten to add!!) as you're in Edinburgh. I'll be landing in Edinburgh in late August to visit my bossy sister who lives in a village near Perth. I'm going to have to practise my best Miss Jean Brodie accent (with which I spoke beautifully in the early sixties, but it's rather rusty now.) And say "Hen" and "Wee". And disguise my Englishness from the fierce Scots who are as we speak plotting independence. I'll have to avert my eyes as numerous men in silly woolly skirts walk about showing their hairy legs with skin doo-dahs stuck down their socks. And step over the drunks on the pavement while on my way to some Festival events. I'll have to listen to my nieces in their snobby Edinburgh accents being anti-English. (One of them works in Harvey Nicholls, so she's got a cheek!) And have my ears blasted with pipe music from all directions on the Royal Mile and jump out of my skin as The Gun fires at 1 o'clock. Bloody Scots!!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 03:22 AM

Edinburgh cake shop joke.

Is that a sponge cake or a meringue?

Aye, it is a sponge cake and your nae wrang.

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 03:34 AM

Hahahahaha Dave!!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 09:31 AM

"I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts."
Bananas, 1971, Woody Allen

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 10:56 AM

I once learned British Sign Language (only to Stage 1) and there are some very funny and explicit rude signs for various naughty stuff. The deaf helpers on the course would sign away to each other at the speed of knots, then fold up giggling. They were a really nobby lot!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 05:01 PM

I lived and taught in Bruntsfield, which was nearly as posh as Morningside. So you're 'a bit o' rough' are you Musket? I've bought a special 'Scottish' nightie for my trip up there. It's full-length thick winceyette - I remember only too well the daft Scots' idea of 'summer'!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 29 Apr 14 - 09:47 PM

Summertime... when the livin is sleazy.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 02:45 AM

LOL gnu! More like '...when the living is breezy' !

Musket, I watched an old Mock The Week last night and Frankie Boyle was explaining Glasgow congeniality, "Ye're a stupid c***. But that's okay. I like stupid c****!" They had to bleep out the word. but you could lipread.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 08:43 AM

We are experiencing the Scottish summer right now. I have rented an old cottage on the coast in the East Neuk of Fife.

It's no longer foggy. The rain dissolved it.... One wet greyhound and his parents after a long walk on the beach and now in a pub on the harbour with a pint and haggis neeps & tatties.

Still. Walking in The Cairngorms next week. Ice and frost apparently.. Serves me right for moaning of being hot in Thailand last year.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 09:08 AM

Ted Edwards - Probably mid 70's

"Supper time, and the liver is greasy"

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 09:12 AM

>>Serves me right for moaning of being hot in Thailand last year.

Oo. You're not one of those lady boys are you? There are quite a lot of hot ones there but you don't usually hear them complain.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 09:13 AM

Anagram time -

Farage - Newark
Farage - Wanker

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 09:13 AM

BTW - I have lost the plot. Is this a permanent thread for permanent abuse, a permanent thread for temporary abuse or a temporary thread for permanent abuse? Or is it just for taking the piss?

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 10:02 AM

It is not, "underscore not", a place to take a piss.


piss pot pete 

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 11:55 AM

I can easily believe it, McMusket. That's why I shall be relying on my trusty Scottish nightie to prevent hypothermia in bed.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 12:19 PM

Speakin a yer Scots... 30 seconds in.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 01:43 PM

Hah! 200!

Just watched the weather forecast. Today it was 6C in Edinburgh and 20C in London. I rest my case your honour.
All Scots have very hairy legs. I know my sister has.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Larry the Radio Guy
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 01:50 PM

This is, so far, the politest thread I've ever seen below the line.   So I guess the solution to the 'nastiness' problem on mudcat is to give everybody permission to be rude and abusive........and then all those oppositional types will be nice.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 04:10 PM

Larry, it seems odd, but a few posts were taken down early on, as a mod did not seem to understand that folks could insult each other on a humourous-friendly thread.

:)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 04:13 PM

Mr O'Musket, hairy legs could come in handy when wearing a kilt in the old country.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 04:34 PM

O'Musket?

Bleedin' satnav. Explains the weather anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 05:07 PM

Whatcher mean not got the hang of verbally abusing people?

You, sir, are a cad and a bounder.

How about that then?

:D