BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 06:17 PM

LtRG... knock that shit off. You complain about people being nice and haven't got the balls to piss further than that? Oh... wait... I misinterpreted... sorry. Please accept my apology.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 06:57 PM

"God invented liquor so the Irish wouldn't rule the world."
The Ghost and the Darkness (1996)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Larry the Radio Guy
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 07:41 PM

Forgiven, I guess, gnu. I don't know how to do otherwise. Maybe you rude folks could teach me.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Apr 14 - 07:48 PM

"LtRG."

What type of sexual act is that?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 01 May 14 - 03:06 AM

Speaking of the weather, we're due to have a blasted night frost tomorrow. We've just put all our tubs and hanging baskets out and I'll have to nip round like a fool covering them with wheelie binbags. I blame UKIP. It's Farage. He's secretly lowering the temperature somehow, to reduce the feelgood factor and make us hate Cameron. Wish I had hairy legs now like my sister in Scotland. And our oil is nearly finished. I'm not buying any more at £300 for 500L. I bet all these unwanted immigrants are running the oil companies. And most of them are gay. Bastards!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST
Date: 01 May 14 - 06:05 AM

EdT
The current line about Farrage not wanting to stand for Newark is because he'd be giving his political friends the gift of the anagram.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 01 May 14 - 06:08 AM

Eliza - I am most impressed. Have you been on the advanced bigotry course?

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 01 May 14 - 08:00 AM

I suspect that this thread will be preserved as historically important, orcould possibly have a fate as "the droit de prélassement".

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 01 May 14 - 12:49 PM

Dave, I RUN the Advanced Bigotry Course. £50 for 5 lessons.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 01 May 14 - 05:08 PM

50 cud? Pffft! Anyone stunnedasmearse ta pay that can come up with 100 fer one session.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 01 May 14 - 05:13 PM

You're offering me £100 for a Bigotry lesson gnu? Done! (And you have been, sir!)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 01 May 14 - 05:35 PM

I think we could be onto something here, Eliza. I feel a business opportunity coming on. Mind you, I can't see anyone here supporting it.

Yes, well, of course, this is just the sort blinkered philistine pig ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist. YOU EXCREMENT! You lousy hypocritical whining toadies with your lousy colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding masonic handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards. Well I wouldn't become a freemason now if you went down on your lousy, stinking, purulent knees and begged me. (Courtesy Monty Python)

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 01 May 14 - 05:45 PM

What's yer point?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 01 May 14 - 05:45 PM

The Urban Dictionary

Bigotry: The way a US citizen from the South distinguishes between sizes of trees.

Earl: "That tree shure is a biggin'." 
Bubba: "Rat, but that one ova there is an even bigotry!"

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 02 May 14 - 03:20 AM

"Is this a sixpenny argument or a shilling one?" We could actually charge people to have a jolly good argument. For racism, homophobia and character assassination it would of course be £10. And if one wanted to assert that all gays are contaminated with HIV, and should be tested weekly, we could demand £100. A sliding scale would be useful, or a type of Argument Menu. On Mudcat BS, one could make a million in only a few weeks.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 02 May 14 - 03:21 AM

No need for the last two lines, Ed. On this side of the Atlantic we understand implied humour :-P

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 02 May 14 - 12:43 PM

Sorry, I dont live in "the states", suspecting you mean the US of A.

The Urban dictionary should not be confused with collection of jokes , such as the UK "Carry On" movies may be seen by some, (and help understanding the humour may be needed, indeed). It is an online dictionary (somewhat like Wikki) where the public can submit urban words/terms. Like a dictionary, the word use is most often supplied, to assist those looking up the words (may of those, I suspect, don't know the exact meaning, or use- and may benefit from the addition).

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 02 May 14 - 02:45 PM

My favourite joke for a long time was -

Two pink elephants and a yellow hippopotamus walk into a pub at ten past six in the evening and the barman says "He's not in yet, lads"

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 02 May 14 - 06:11 PM

I am doing my damndest to abuse you, Ed, and what do you do? Respond with something I don't even understand. What sort of nonsense do you think people can get away with on Mudcat?

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 02 May 14 - 07:59 PM

"You are here for my abusement?"

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 02 May 14 - 08:45 PM

""Oh John, let's not park here.
Oh John, let's not park.
Oh John, let's not.
Oh John, let's.
Oh John.
Oh!"

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 02 May 14 - 08:57 PM

What a lame and sorry crew that rows this scow of tripe. Youse put together could not abuse a fly on a cold day when it was not fit to flit. Shame. Shame I say. I roll up my newspaper and swat you all.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 03 May 14 - 02:52 AM

gnu, that was delightfully poetic. I've never read abuse like it, elegant and vivid. Well done!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 03 May 14 - 04:08 AM

No it wasn't. It was shite.

(2 abuses for the price of 1 - Bargain :-) )

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 03 May 14 - 04:14 AM

About as eloquent as a bucket of lard.

Or a bloody clog dancer for that matter.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 03 May 14 - 08:06 AM

Ye lot are about as eloquent as a bloody clog dancer in a bucket of lard for that matter.

Reuse-recycle. Do it for the children.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 03 May 14 - 08:11 AM

May youd arteries be clogged with lard, you pig skin eater.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 03 May 14 - 08:35 AM

Pork scratching don't seem too abundant up here. Deep fried haggis seems popular though.

Stopped for a breather at summit of Cairngorm itself. Bloody good signal on phone, much faster internet than at home.

Bastard BT.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 03 May 14 - 02:02 PM

Why lash out at Breakfast Television? You got somethin against brekky? or television? If so, turn the damn bacon.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 03 May 14 - 02:48 PM

Scratching your pork?
Whatever gets you through the night, I guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 04 May 14 - 02:52 AM

Salty as well, full of protein.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 04 May 14 - 03:17 PM

""Unless you're gulping gallons of it each day, it's no substitute for real nutritious cuisine!  It may be a good idea to keep in mind safer sex practices when considering whether or not to swallow.""



nutritional value 

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST
Date: 04 May 14 - 04:06 PM

If you call someone a "fag" in England, are you calling him a cigarette?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 04 May 14 - 04:06 PM

McMusket: "Salty as well, full of protein."

Salty??....Hmm...you must have tried it.

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 04 May 14 - 05:10 PM

Sone of us are capable of finding a willing partner Goofus.

Woof!

"What's that boy ?"   

Woof!

No you can't play that game with Goofus. In any case, you have been done, so Goofus would end up with salt deficiency. Not to mention lack of protein.






The good professor is a Jaffa.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 May 14 - 09:43 AM

I think a certain amount of self abuse is taking place! Permanent self abuse would not only be difficult and messy but also embarrassing if done in public. Mind you, some have done it on here for years.

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 05 May 14 - 09:59 AM

You forgot to zip up your fly, dtg.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 May 14 - 10:03 AM

Don't have flies. I use a ripcord...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 05 May 14 - 11:04 AM

Velcro is popular, and foolproof.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 05 May 14 - 11:06 AM

Beware of using velcro near the unmanaged bikini line.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 14 - 02:26 PM

What is a 'McMusket'? A Cat'lic Musket?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 05 May 14 - 03:32 PM

Note it is "not" McCasket.
That guy was on onevof the dead threads:)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 05 May 14 - 04:23 PM

Perhaps he meant McBisket. As in Crackers.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Munro bagging Musket
Date: 06 May 14 - 03:08 AM

The Mc denotes status. Still enjoying a holiday in Scotland.

Lots of shortbread biscuit though Eliza. It seems to crumble to dust in the rucksack though.   I keep looking for a woman with hairy legs but to no avail. Are you sure she is still up here?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 06 May 14 - 03:57 AM

She certainly is, Musket, but not, I think, up a Mungo. Better watch out, as the Polis won't relish your gazing at ladies' legs, especially if your explanation is that you're looking for 'hairy ones'.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 06 May 14 - 04:04 AM

By the way, isn't shortbread ghastly? Like dusty bricks. My sister keeps sending me tins of the wretched stuff. (Straight to the village coffee morning as raffle prizes, chosen last.) How can the Scots like shortbread and Black Bun and deep-fried dog poo etc? The only two things up there worth eating are haggis (if you don't go into the ingredients) and mutton pies. Their faces are pasty white covered in spots from lack of fruit and veg. and any sunshine. Dreadful, dreadful place. And I've got to go to Edinburgh in late August. But at least I've got my trusty winceyette full-length nightie, as I DON'T have hairy legs!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 06 May 14 - 04:27 AM

If you are looking at a pair of hairy legs in a skirt while walking up a Scottish mountain, how can you tell if you are looking at a woman or a man?

(Insulting to both Scotsmen and women once - I'm getting good that this!)

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 06 May 14 - 05:05 AM

Easy Dave. You look for the mouth constantly opening and closing.

Yeah I'm no big fan of dry shortbread. Mrs Musket bakes a nice one though, cut from a roll and fairly moist as shortbread goes.

I love haggis. The scotch pie less so but wouldn't reach over one to get at the lettuce.

We like to spend our evenings in nice restaurants when up here. A bit of an expense but the rest of the holiday is rather cheap. We are staying in Speyside and some of the concoctions featuring local salmon are worth the journey. Angus steak has veins of fat running through it so even the fillet has lots of taste. Last week we were in a Fife fishing village for a few days. The local samphire with a knob of butter....

The Munro bagging isn't really a reason to be here. It's just the only way to stop me ballooning. (Had a bowl of stovies the other lunchtime. So simple, so good and despite being Scottish, not a deep fat fryer in site....

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 06 May 14 - 08:00 AM

Dave, the way to tell is to look for a bristly beard and reddish moustache, That will be the woman.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 06 May 14 - 02:01 PM

All well and good, Eliza, but as you are tramping up a Cairngorm with only a view from the bum down of who is front of you, where should the bristly beard and reddish moustache be?

DtG