BS: I crack myself up

Subject: BS: I crack myself up
From: Mrrzy
Date: 17 Jul 16 - 11:41 PM

OK, now for something more uplifting.

I was walking with a hoped-would-be-friend when we passed the campus chapel, where there was a crowd of people standing around. Some were in somber clothes, some in bright colors, some (of each) seemed to be laughing, some weeping... we were wondering if it were a funeral or a wedding, when we came around the corner and saw the hearse.

"Dead giveaway!" I thought and burst out laughing at the joke - which left me unable to *make* the joke because I was laughing so hard, by then more at the fact that I had cracked myself up than at how funny my mental pun had been... ooops, both on the funeral and the would-be friend front.

Got a story like that?

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 06:54 AM

While I was working I had to phone a LIFE insurance company to point out that the information in the letter they had sent me contained some incorrect information about the deceased person who was the subject of the letter.
"Oh we'll have to put you on "hold" while we look at this" they said.
So the "hold" music comes on.....
Dum, dum, dum, dum, another one bites the dust............!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 07:08 AM

Hah ha, you're kidding! 😂

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 11:26 AM

I have a friend who related a story about one of her friends having a lawyer 'suggest' that her friend could get a discount on her legal fees in exchange for some **personal** activities.....

She almost blurted out "Oh...tit for tort." but decided her friend was in no mood for obscure humor.

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 06:10 PM

She should have blurted that one out.

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Senoufou
Date: 19 Jul 16 - 02:19 PM

Years ago I sent a colleague a pretty wildlife get-well card with a blue-tit on the front. She'd just had a mastectomy....
Luckily she laughed her head off. I still feel embarrassed all these years later.

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 08:48 AM

Heureusement!

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 09:08 AM

Oui Mrrzy. Imaginez-vous l'enorme honte!

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: gillymor
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 09:57 AM

Warning, this one might be considered slightly blue:

On the first date with my present wife we were at the bar of a well-known restaurant in Marco Island, FL and were served up a couple of Hurricanes with a float of strong rum on the top and she said "oh boy, how do you hold your liquor?" and as I started to imbibe I thought, but didn't say "by the ears". Good thing I didn't have a big swallow going down or there would have been a ballistic nasal spew. After we became a couple I told her of this and scored points for my gentlemanly restraint.

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 09:09 PM

LOVE that line!

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 10:56 PM

Ha ha, swallow!

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: robomatic
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 04:34 PM

A near relative of an earlier generation thought the bluest line in all musicals was in the song 'Rain in Spain' from My Fair Lady:

"How kind of you to let me come!"

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: meself
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 05:06 PM

I was in the bank a few hours ago with my SO, opening a new account for myself. There was a little bit of confusion, and then the teller got it straight: "Oh - I thought you wanted a joint!" she said. I was going to suggest she spark one up - then decided to save that thought for here .....

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 08:20 PM

Last year, we went to a Funeral homepto pay our last respects to a neighbour. When we were outside, we realized we had forgotten to sign the guest book. I hurried back and signed it. Only when I was outside, when I reflected that no one seemed familiar, did I realize that I signed a guest book for another deceased person, in an entirely different room. I suspect this family larer wondered who we were?

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: frogprince
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 09:38 PM

I'm still proud of myself for this one, a few years after the occasion:

My wife and I attended the wedding of one of her colleges. As it happened, I hadn't met said bride. As we went through the greeting line after the ceremony, I reached the bride, and suddenly realized that my wife had fallen a little behind me. I took the bride's hand, smiled, and said "That was a lovely wedding! My wife and I were driving by, and we just adore weddings!" By the time the young lady's jaw had reached the floor, my wife had stepped up and given the game away;

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 22 Jul 16 - 10:33 AM

My earlier story up the thread was completely true, Steve: no kidding!
Just thought of another, also totally true: we were doing an informal afternoon performance in Edinburgh, and it was near to Remembrance Day, so we decided to play some pipe marches. One of our group was going to play Lowland pipes, but wasn't quite ready, so I introduced the name of the tunes, and also paid tribute to our armed forces serving in Afghanistan: glanced across at our piper who was still strapping his gear on, when out of mu big mouth tumbled the following words, "Just a wait a minute while A... blows himself up". Don't think anyone else got the double meaning, other than me, spending at least the next 5 minutes trying to control a pressing urge to laugh! Oh dear!

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Senoufou
Date: 22 Jul 16 - 11:40 AM

When arranging finance for my car a few years ago, I told the helpful salesman that I bark with Bankleys.

Subject: RE: BS: I crack myself up
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Jul 16 - 11:41 AM

Meself, you reminded me of a time I was at a convenience store, late at night, seeking munchies with a like-minded friend. The cashier, who looked mighty shady, rang up our purchases and then asked us if we wanted a bag, at which my friend and I tried really hard not to burst out laughing till we left the store...

Senoufou (hey, I just got it! I had read but not typed your screen name), *your* reminded me of two stories from one of my sisters, back when a law clerk for a judge named Katz, answering a telephone inquiry with No, I'm one of judge law clerk's cats, and had to hang up instantly in embarrassment. Her hubby, back in the days before gay marriage or even uncloseting, and who had kept his name when they got married, once answered an inquiry "are you mr. (her name)?) with No, mr. (her name) is my wife, and also had to hang up instantly.