BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 01:35 PM

I am NOT a "she" huffs (but does not puff) Mrrzy. But no, I canna do the sand bar right now. And goes back to the corner to puff some more...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 11:58 AM

Ethyl starts her aqua truck and an impenetrable fog came out the exhaust. I yell I think you've blown a seal and Ethyl says just leave my private life out of it and help me fix the damn thing. Ethyl drops a few squid from her perch and says I need a 6 inch manifold ring and please herring. Its to late for Walleye Mart but one from Marlin at home is a possibility.

Back in the bar Mrzzy was arguing with the barrater and he is saying she was drunk as a fi...,was too drunk to take over the sand bar.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 10:29 AM

And finishing his horn solo, he returns to the baragator and politely asks, "Landlord! Fill 'er up agin! With that Balbair you keep for yourself! And do it quick!"

He draws his horse pistol, intending to shoot into the ceiling to make his point, and the baragator bites it in half.

"Ah," he says. "The laser of the two evils," and throws the remains away. Drawing his rapier, the baragator bites that in half as well.

"So," he responds meekly, "What's the good sword, barkeep?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Severn
Date: 24 Dec 16 - 09:40 AM

A strange vehicle pulls up with its driver standing in a large fish tank. It's none other than Ethel MyrrhrMaid herself, resupplying us with more Myrrh, as we were fast running out. I think either someone's trying to smoke it or feed it to the horses, because it went rather fast, some of it heading out to the stables, but anyway, we're getting another load, straight from the source.....

The line to the loo is backed up, so I figure Liz The Squeak will emerge eventually.....

Mmario brings Severn his Auroch-On-Roll sandwich, meduim extinct, the way he likes it...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 08:43 PM

Oh, I had way more than 7 layers on - it's COLD outside. So far, I've taken off the cloak, the lumberjacket and the overshirt off...

Anybody see the platypus?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 07:34 PM

Severn at the bar tells Mmario. "The usual. Auroch On Roll and hold the poppy seeds"

"I always get stuck holding the poppy seeds." grumbles Mmario.

Having arrived late, Severn looks around to see what strange animals are about. There's usually a few each year, and most always, a giant something, as squids, a caterpillar, a moth, a whale and a few others have visited, with Squiddy becoming a full fledged member of the gang having settled into living in the Jello pit and after many years of falling in love with and chasing females of various sorts and species (Liz The Squeak, Nurse Ratched, a giant caterpillar and others), had finally settled down with a female squid and were raising a whole bunch of squidlets. Squiddy seems to be holding four or five toddies in his tentacles and seems to be ready to party. Severn does not see the rest of the family yet and seeing that the huge Christmas tree does not have everyone's belongings hanging from it as of yet, wonders where the rascals all are.

He does hear three black birds singing in a mynah key, but nothing giant yet, when both the aliigator and Mmario on the other side of the bar start giggling and pointing behind him and Severn turns around on his barstool and immediately gets nose tweaked by the giant wombat and his hat pulled down over his face.

"Assault and wombattery!" he sputters.

"I think she likes him" laughed. Sandra.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 06:04 PM

Mrrzy - Is this the dance of the seven layers?

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 04:13 PM

Mrrzy removes another layer, picks up the next hot whiskey and an extra one, and ambles over to the corner...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 03:54 PM

Severn finally arrives and asks the alligator behind the bar for a cup of coffee.

"We're our of skim, sir"

"Well, no use crying over split milk.", sighs Severn. "Cream will do. Is this the good Columbian?"

"No, but the weed is!", slurs a voice from the corner.

"Juan Valdez is as good as the next in a pinch. It's colder than a Republican's heart out there! Thank God you're just a regular publican" Severn tells the gator. "It's awful quiet around here. Where are the Squidlets?"......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 12:19 PM

Good calamari , not too chewy but what is it about this place that presents local gigantism in one day. Donuel feels a stirring in his pocket WTF

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 09:29 AM

Gnome eyes the squid and his eyes light up as he asks

"Is that the sick squid that you owe me?"

Then rolls about laughing. He has been waiting years for that to happen...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 09:24 AM

(I knew something smelled amazing! And I think I got a double in that last shot... whee, another outer layer can come off!)

Squiddy! Merry Midwinter, you old reprobate! Barkeep, how much liquor is in that jello already?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 09:19 AM

mmmm the equivalent of road kill but high in protein.

Ya know the nervous system of tentacles feature independent ontrol.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 08:52 AM

Tentacles -- large, very large, and with suckers the size of automobile tires (tyres to some) -- slips from the jello pool and snags the brat terries, two cats, and a drum of Midleton Barry Crockett Irish whiskey. With a "blurp" they disappear into the jello.

Squiddy is back!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 07:59 AM

it was Joe the bird trainer from animal control pushing a huge cart of spicy delicious

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 07:50 AM

Senofou slow down you are missing the double and triple entendre, a temperance argument would have broken out the food was finally ready., It smelled amazing.
It was

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 06:11 AM

Old lady likes Shirley singing James Bond songs, but really adores Pink's version of this one. (She loves Pink)
Where IS everybody eh? Do you think they'll be along later?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 04:51 AM

The room falls silent as the Welsh songstress arrives to get this party started.

Gnome sucks in his overhanging belly, straightens his back and mutters something about it just going to show that us old folk need not let ourselves go...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 23 Dec 16 - 04:41 AM

Old lady, made merry by the Adnam's ale, starts performing a jig (think Riverdance) while Siamese cats sidle seductively up to Brat Terrier with a view to weeing on him later.
The pit of jelly is beginning to change colour. Mrrzy regards it apprehensively, being careful not to fall in in her wobbly state.
Donuel rummages in his pocket for some more LSD so he can continue the interesting psychedelic vision of singing birds and Beethoven.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 08:19 PM

Hours had passed and the novice drinkers were zombie eyed but adding the right notes now and the. Frequent drinkers drove the rhythm and song selections and the really frequent drinkers stole the show with antics like singing different songs combined on top of other folk song and surprising high notes. Slowly the volume came down as the animal control panel truck backed up to the front doors and flung open tits doors. A dozen bird cages surrounded a giant wombat and donuel walked forward from the shadows as the tavern fell totally Silent.

Ladies and gentlemen, Joe was assured our gentle giant was fine and helped me out with all these Myna birds which are here to regale you in three part Harmony. Like a conductor he hummed to the wombat and tapped the wombats nose when a deep bass ostinato sounded and when tapped twice dropped down a fourth and back up again, Joe was moving to the first cages and he hummed a tune and the Cockatoos began a simple tune. Again and again he cued the other cages in time.

What emerged was Beethoven's 2nd Movement of Symphony number 7. Shaw sreeamed Oh MY GGAWD! HOLY SHIT


And now' This band is your band' followed by the Christmas song!
A novice drinker puked into the jello pit and...while Rap...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 04:32 PM

"O, you," he thinks. And his mind drifts back to one Spring night when he held up a coach on the King's Highway and the fair young lady who he relieved of her baubles and....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 02:40 PM

(tilting slightly - haven't noticed it was a double yet) (thinking I'm sitting up more straightly, loosening the outermost layer) (I peer through the haze trying to locate the source of that smell... that smell!)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 01:30 PM

Yes Mrrzy it is Senoufo, but I always put 'u' on the end to make it 'fou' (as in mad) My husband's father is called Noufou, from Nafamadougou. He calls his dad 'Noufou le fou de Nafamadougou'. Every other word in Malinke seems to end in 'ou'!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 01:23 PM

Pipes? Did someone mention pipes? I'll take one full of a good rich shag...

Hic.

Zzzzzz.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 01:18 PM

(less grumpily, draining the steaming mug) OK, so, where's them pipes?

(FYI Eliza, we always pronounced it SenouFO, so I thought your name was punny!)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 09:57 AM

Green hat Joe tried to speak over the music "Does anybody know him?
"Not me", me neither, "I do, er no I guess not"

"anybody at all" then Joe turned and walked out.
The gnome said under his breath -gud riddance.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 09:43 AM

Rap started some syncopation on his horn to a Re: in car Nation song when a guy in a green hat&uniform walked over to the bar and announced "We got him, Ee's tied up in the truck!"

Every level of dialog was frozen when Sandy yelled out "That animal is not just endangered IT"s EXSTINCT!!

"No maam" said the guy with a green hat and ASPCA patch. "we caught the perp. Someone called in a animal poisoning incident anwe gottem."
(music starts back up with more joining in.)

Sandy added, "oh that's different, nevermind" " Thank goodness " Senufou said.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 06:45 AM

The Gnome rouses from his slumbers with a look of confusion. Realising that he appears to be in fancy dress his instincts take over and an old tradition from his native Salford springs to mind. In the rose-tinted rural world of history the Wassail is performed by Wassailers and involves supping from maple bowls and blessing apple trees. In the harsh reality of the urban concrete tower blocks the Wassail is performed by Wassailants and is far darker.

A glass is raised as a lusty voice sings out the words of the ancient rhyme

Wassail, Wassail all over the place
Give us some dosh or we'll break your face
Our clubs they are made from oak and from ash
We are the Wassailants so give us your cash

As the glass reaches his lips he discovers that a mask covers his face but before the pint of Turbott's Really Odd spills down his shirt he manages to bite a hole in the leather covering, pouring the heady brew down a parched gullet.

"What b*****d put this on me while I was asleep? Show yourself! Come here and I'll bite your knees!"

Old lady offers another shot of horse liniment which serves as a suitable peace offering.

"Mmmmm. That hit the spot. Now, did someone mention Turkey Turd beer? Reminds me of an old departed friend. Pass me a pint to better remember..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 22 Dec 16 - 06:24 AM

Old lady rummages once more in her huge bag and draws out...three Siamese cats. Tennessee Brat Terrier looks quite interested, but isn't sure if these are actually cats or monkeys. (Old lady isn't entirely sure either) Cats sniff at the green jelly in the pit, then wee copiously in it for good luck.

Old lady raises her glass and has a quiet moment for Spaw.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 09:19 PM

Gnu thought he saw through the bottom of his beer and the open door a guy running full tilt chased by a bear, when gnu put the beer down he saw an ASPCA Animal Control truck drive by. He put the beer close to his good eye and read Turkey Turd Ale 15% and pursed his lower lip in approval.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 07:27 PM

sniff - glass raised ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: gnu
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 06:07 PM

In a dark corner, a man sits. Crumpled. Hovering over his ale and slowly shaking his head in a muddled manor. He motions the keep. When at the table, he mumbles to the keep, "A round of Turkey Turd Beer for the house. Tell them to raise their glasses to Spaw." He shuffles out the back door without saying a word and leaves but a few tears on the table.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: ranger1
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 05:15 PM

Beau takes one look at the jello pit, whimpers in terror, and bolts for under the darkest table in the darkest corner. Must be a compadre of Olddude.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 04:30 PM

Green jello! Yum, double yum and triple yum!! Last one in is a rotten tomato......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 12:59 PM

Oh, good Lord, what is the Tennessee Brat Terrier going to make of the pit of green jello?!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 11:15 AM

Old lady has another rummage in her huge bag and produces... a bottle of horse liniment. Pouring Gavescon down the gnome's throat and rubbing the liniment vigorously on his tum, she manages to stem the flow of noxious vapour. Rap's handy garment is then donned by said windy gnome and all heave sighs of relief.

Rap continues to play with his horn, while the laydees toast more crumpets at the fireside and have a lovely chat about carthorses, cats, diprodotons, the meaning of life and so on.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 10:13 AM

Hic!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 10:08 AM

"Try this!" he says and tosses a garment that appears to be a cross between an adult diaper and a gas mask to the gnome. "It will also contain bodily excretions. Here, you might enjoy this cocktail of pentamethylenediamine and tetramethylenediamine -- it's nice and warm to combat the cold night."

And he goes back to blowing his own horn, using a cup mute.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 09:52 AM

Blah! Not fond of that pink stuff. Got any rubbing liniment?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 09:17 AM

the self-proclaimed old lady carries a large bag full of useful stuff ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 07:47 AM

In self-defence, old lady quickly orders a large, single malt for the windy gnome. And offers him a swig of her bottle of Gaviscon too.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 05:17 AM

That's a bit speciesist of you Eliza! Gnomes can't help it. It is how we are built :-D

Gnome looks blearily at the crowd. "Whassamatter? We need to release gasses to stop us exploding. the only alternative is fine single malt. Taken internally in great quantities and at regular intervals. Or, in the absence of fine single malt, rubbing alcohol, meths, paint thinners or anything. Trouble is I buried all my treasure and I can never find it when I go to the pub so, anyone good for a loan. Or a drink...."

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 03:52 AM

songs are always welcome!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Senoufou
Date: 21 Dec 16 - 03:36 AM

Gnome, please stop belching and breaking wind, you're making my eyes water.

Now. Mrrzy would like her whisky, and as it's on the credit card, make it a double.
My carthorse is called Cyril, and he would be happy to let you ride on his back Sandra.
If we're allowed to sing in here, I'll give you a rendition of my favourite song of the moment : Bells Of Norwich

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Ebbie
Date: 20 Dec 16 - 11:53 PM

Ebbie grins as the first lively strains of music waft from the tavern. This will be an orchestra to remember!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Dec 16 - 11:25 PM

Relax M
doncha see she just has a bad case of Munchies. Reaching in my pendulous sack...Weedenscense, myrrh, mold, ah cinnamon sugar mushrooms, with that she bumped me in the armpit and I dropped the weed and whoomph it was gone. When eating it definitely sounds like whomph bat batbat. The pleading of the beast sounded like stereo high pitched whine on top of a deep resonant slow motion chortle of a dreaming bear...again a bigger bump and I stumbled backwards and the mushrooms were gone.   Damn that was enough for a month. That two foot schnoze was now flaring its nostrils that could swallow my arm. It suddenly took a rather rude sniff that vacuumed a sensitive area.
In twenty minutes this Kodiak bear sized gerbil is going to be on the verge of speech, I need a trail of crumbs or a Pied Piper to get'er away from the Tavern,

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 16 - 11:08 PM

It's always on a credit card.

He drains the drinking horn and then, taking a mouthpiece from his pocket, plays a melody to dance to, lad (and lassies).

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Dec 16 - 09:38 PM

(Grumpily) Actually, that whisky was for me. I didn't realize that dinothing could throw its voice!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 Dec 16 - 09:33 PM

Eliza, the wombat & I met up when I was looking for cooler weather. I unno what it was looking for or how it travelled across 25,000 years, but we wandered along together.

It was a dignified animal & much taller than me so we just walked along together till we saw the lights. But if might like a crumpet - maybe not - do they have eggs in them? so why not offer it some grasses or flowes (are there any left from last year?)

I haven't sat on a horse for decades. Our neighbour used to let all the kids on Gypsy's back when she brought her into her paddock - not all of us at once, of course, but Gypsy was not a carthorse.

has the Fool put his money on the bar? or are we operating on last year's credit card?

recorder, harmionica, ocarina, let the music begin! (please she sez. politely)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016
From: ranger1
Date: 20 Dec 16 - 08:35 PM

The little Ranger slips in and unleashes the Tennessee Brat Terrier before removing her snowshoes and standing them in a corner. From a rather large rucksack, she removes several Tupperware containers filled with home-made gingersnaps (they pair nicely with Laphoaig), sugar cookies, and oatmeal raisin cookies. There is also a box of dog biscuits for the Brat Terrier.

"Barkeep, I'l take a lovely hot cup of cocoa, thanks."