New Year's Tavern 2022

Subject: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: GUEST,Ghost of Christmas passed/past/passé
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 02:50 PM

There it sits, lonely and the windows draped with cobwebs. The door knocker is green with oxided brass and the gargoyle on the roof is asleep and shivering in the cold night air. From inside come the sounds of a giant squid correcting its young and, of course, the eerie sound of the old pipe organ being played. The resident bats flutter wildly.

Outside the Cóiste Bodhar, gayily decorated with holly and mistletoe pulls up, the coachman descends, and in a deep voice says, "I've come for a drink! Open 'er up!"

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 03:00 PM

Lower your voice, please! comes faintly through the door.

Ok, growls the coachman in a rich basso profundo, how's this?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 08:53 PM

There was an Amazon driver lost up one of those small English lanes that I heard about earlier - I think he had a large box with air holes in it in the back of his van. I bet once he leaves that box on the right porch there will be more activity in the tavern. One of the attendees mailed him or herself to the venue. I'd bet money on it.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 09:05 PM

Leaving his steed lightly tied to the hitching post, he loosens his rapier in its scabbard. You never know, he thinks, and who knows what is lurking inside?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 09:44 PM

It's been a long time. As I push the squeaking door open, dust rises and momentarily resembles mosquitoes in the chilly air. I'll get the fires going and then, if the dustmop is in its usual place I'll get to it right smart.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 11:11 PM

anyone seen the giant wombat? was the box large enough to contain it?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Dec 21 - 11:28 PM

Almost.....the box is bursting at the seams......because it contains no only the giant wombat, but something even more terrible.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 12:36 AM

eek! poor wombat

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 12:38 AM

One of the bats flies towards the door (well, in a lot of directions but averaging towards the door), coughing, and squeaking (or trying to) It's the dust! Not the virus!

But it's cold outside. Getting the coughing under control, the bat stops blowing backwards when trying to fly forwards, which bodes well for later carousing... And heads back into the Tavern, where most motes are moot, having wafted floorward, shelfward, barward and otherwards. Someone is opening windows and checking the outlets for mice...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 04:44 AM

A rather plump old lady waddles into the tavern and spots a huge spider's web hanging from the ceiling, its occupant is fat and hairy. She screams blue murder, and the dear little bat flies upwards and gobbles up the spider, to be embraced with great gratitude by the biddy. Her African husband proffers his warm feet and the bat settles comfortably on them to warm his toes.
"Any crumpets?" she asks. "Any Old Speckled Hen ale?" Big smiles as these appear at the table.
"'appy Chreeessmas every bodee!" grins the African. "And God bless us every one!" laughs Old Lady.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 07:08 AM

Two unknown individuals in masks AND Hazmat suits pulling a small wagon walk in.
We have a pizza delivery for a M. Rapper?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 07:24 AM

The Gnome opens one eye and mutters incoherently. No, it isn't the drink. It's a Covid test swab down the back of his throat...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 08:45 AM

At the fireplace he draws his rapier and, with a thrust worthy of Errol Flynn, neatly skewers four marshmallows and begins roasting them over the coals.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 08:53 AM

Heavens, how dashing! cries the bat from the left foot, in a rather obscure literary allusion... And echo answered, Count the spoons!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 09:16 AM

Tossing a prarie oyster in the air, with a blur of rapier swipes, four slices of p o peperroni fell atop a pizza. An impeccably dressed man approached and said "The Kingsmen could use a fellow like yourself".

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 08:02 PM

A posse of masked men (or they might be women too?) arrive at the door, brandishing - not pistols - but mobile phones. “ Here are our latest LFT results” they sing in chorus. “Can we come in?”
“Depends whether you mean lateral flow tests or liver function tests” says the mega-bat at the door; “and whether you’ve brought your own crumpets; no sharing these days unless you’ve sanitised first!”

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 21 - 08:41 PM

From the Pool Room Squiddy squeals, "No, not in the hot tub!" and a giant tentacle sweeps the disinfectants to the floor and well away from the hot tub.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 12:44 AM

The squid! The squid!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 04:59 AM

I know I'm barred from the tavern(honestly when I booked "Ghislaine's Girls" I thought they were a tapdancing troupe!). Just to say, don't drink from the jello pit. It's been filled with Covid Vaccine.
RtS

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 07:09 AM

Max arrives late with a large sack on his back brimming with home spit Covid tests. Dave the Gnome perks up yelling "Lets test the bats"!
The Auroch brushs the pangolin aside and begins feeding at the jello pit. Squiddy, dangerously over heated, leaves the hot tub and is flopping toward the cool lime green jello.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 10:11 AM

One particular bat wonders who gave those pepperoni slices that rapier to brandish...

Having warmed sufficiently, said bat makes a grateful guano deposit between the Ivorian toes, steals a dripping, buttered crumpet from the nearby old lady and flutters over to the bar, where they hang upside-down from the wooden embellishments so the butter doesn't drip all down their nice brown fur, but only up their nose...

A sneeze! Oh, no! The Covid cops start to swoop in with masks, gloves, and sanitizer...

The bat disappears in the scrum, squeaking No! It was the (crunch) butter! Really!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 08:45 PM

This place is so notorious that the
Skifflemassers are talking about it behind your collective backs.
(and heaven help me, I'm listening ...)

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Dec 21 - 08:58 PM

The giant wombat unfolds itself from the box in which it has been residing and slowly ambles toward the door of the tavern, bearing aloft a plate of - could it be? - yes, it is! - jello salad, in all its wondrous rainbow glory!

The terrible secret of the box is revealed!

Pushing aside the Covid and all to do with it, wombat decrees the Tavern to be a Covid free zone. No mentions of the plague at all, just joyous fun.

And jello salad.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 12:09 AM

The wombat saves the day! and night, & season ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 02:34 AM

I've always liked wombats, she remarks mildly.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 07:24 AM

The wombat pandemic deniers stick out like a sore thumb with their bare faces and block the maskers from the bar. Oh dear now there is a squabble. Is that Jennie McCarthy delivering a right cross? From behind a mask it sounds like Lennon singing "All we are saying, is give peace a chance..." Wait a minute it looks like Roger.
Now there is a singing stand off with maskers singing a muffled "All we are.." against the bare faced liars but I can't make out their tune.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 07:41 AM

Roger puts his arms up and yells "In the Christmas tavern all realities are possible in the digital world" and hits the RESET button behind the bar. Suddenly all masks disappear and the wombat lets out a high pitched bear like groan.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:19 AM

He moves to the bar and is served a flagon of mulled mead. Checking his pistol with the barkeeper, he pockets the brass pistol-check token and sits at a table, his trusty albeit roasted marshmallow stained colichemarde in its sheath at his hip.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:29 AM

More wassail!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 11:23 AM

The Gnome sighs with relief as the test kit line remains singular.

"Is it negative?" asks the barman

"Yes" replies the Gnome

"Are you sure?"

"Positive"

"So it's positive?"

The Gnome glowers from under bushy eyebrows. "Just get me a pint of Theakston's Old Peculiar, a large Glen Morangie, a spiced Rum, a bottle of Cherry B and a Snowball. I have some catching up to do..."

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 11:27 AM

Reminds me of what we observed on the security camera focused on our family farm kitchen a week or so ago:

By Charlie Ipcar, 11/18/21
Tune after “Shafted in Shaftsburg”
Key: D (7/G)
The Raccoons Had a Party


G
The raccoons had a party,
-------C------------------G
They had a glorious spree;
-------------------------------
They booted up Grubhub
--------A-------------D
And ordered K-F-C;
-------G
They poured out apple cider,
-------C---------------------G
And sliced up pumpkin pie;
--------------------------E
The raccoons had a party --
----------A-------D-------G
Which no one can de-ny!
--------------------------E
The raccoons had a party --
---------A-------D-------G
Which no one can de-ny!

Now Rocky Raccoon he was there
And he really was great fun;
Swinging from the chandelier,
And bouncing off his buns;
He moon-walked ‘cross the table,
Then backflipped to the floor;
The raccoons had a party,
Who could ask for more? (REF)

Roxie Raccoon she was there
And she really was a sight;
As she shimmied on the counter top
And then took off in flight;
She landed on the rocking chair
Which tipped o’er in a crash,
The raccoons had a party --
And it really was a smash! (REF)

Now ol’ Zip Coon he was there,
With a banjo on his knee,
Strumming up “Soldier’s Joy”
And “Let My Critters Free”;
He played “Cooney in the Holler”
And then led “Cluck Ol’ Hen”;
The raccoons had a party --
They thought would never end! (REF)

Blackjack Davey he was there,
With a drumstick in each paw;
He was beating time on the tabletop,
The funniest thing you ever saw;
He’d flip one drumstick overhead,
And catch it in his teeth,
The raccoons had a party --
That defied belief! (REF)

And Suzie Q she was there,
She sang of many things;
Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax,
Of cabbages and kings,
And why the sea is boiling hot,
And whether pigs had wings;
The raccoons had a party --
It was the damnest thing! (REF)

Now when the party was over,
Everyone confessed,
“The music was exquisite,
But the goodies were the best!”
And as they left the kitchen,
One turned around and said,
“The raccoons had a party --
A party to wake the dead!”
Yes, “The raccoons had a party --
A party to wake the dead!”

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 12:04 PM

Monkey wash, donkey rinse, warbles the ghost of Warren Zevon from behind a tentacle...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 01:39 PM

Bringing in all the holiday groceries
a raccoon stole the Christmas ham plastic bag and all.
I imagine they had a party.
I hope it was as grand as the one Charlie Ipcar saw.

Subject: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: GUEST, Ghost of Christmas passed/past/passé
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 02:07 PM

A forgotten door, off to the side of the bar creaks as it drifts open, to reveal a tangle of coats to one side and another door at the back of the closet. The second door is open, revealing a long room full of beds in the Mudcat Recovery Ward, frequently inhabited by ailing Mudcatters. One corner has been concealed by fancy Japanese black lacquer screens and rolling medical screens, where a computer is playing YouTube Irish folk music and the space's resident is keeping time with a bodhran. The space was occupied for recovery for a while, but now is staked out by an Eastern Canadian Mudcatter who just doesn't want to leave.

Nurse Ratched is nowhere to be seen.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 03:04 PM

More wassail!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 04:56 PM

it must be crumpet o'clock ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:11 PM

What ghost?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:16 PM

What have you wrought? Do you really want me to Rhan on? I say... "You, dear boy. bring me my Ciapan and Skin!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:19 PM

Or that beer can on the counter... I can play the shit out of anything when I have enough ale.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 21 - 09:26 PM

KEEP!... a round of Turkey Turd Beer in honour of Spaw!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 07:12 AM

Hail Spaw; teacher of technique and song history at getaways, truthful community familyman and outrageous unabashed humorist.
Fuck you he loved you all! (toastmaster dragged from atop the bar spilling his beir)

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 03:30 PM

The ‘Catters are having a party
And the scene is chaotic and wild
“More wassai!!” Is the oft-heard cry
In the corner the empties are piled
The fire in the pit leaps and glows redly
“Give us a song!” and three songs begin
The air is warm but smells quite deadly
Morning heads will break from the din
In the meantime
In between time
The ‘Catters are having a party

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 04:32 PM

Yay, Ebbie!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 21 - 04:56 PM

some say it isn't cottage cheese

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Dec 21 - 03:13 PM

The bat fell in the wassail bowl. A kind old lady fished them out and an even kinder Ivorian offered a pre-warmed sock, but the bat just flew, well, fell with style, into the jello. A rapier blade reached down and flicked the bat [harmessly] back out and headfirst into the sock. MrrWzl! came faintly from the sock as the bat, sock and all, was hung like a Christmas stocking in front of the fire.

The bat, being head-down in the sock, was happy.

Meanwhile, on the tower, the ghost of Joan Didion saw that her moustache was not her own, and drank an Irish coffee with some rather gory toast.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 02:23 PM

A-HA! He thinks. Gory Toast! A fitting breakfast repast after such an unbecoming night. 'Tis glad I that I was here to correct that unbecoming knight who barged in. Why, the frackus seemed like Olde Times here in the Tavern!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 03:11 PM

what about Edward Gorey toast?
sounds more like All Souls / Halloween, but still . . .

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 05:37 PM

A one-socked African jigs madly atop the bar...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 08:56 PM

The door next to the bar creaks as it is gradually opened by a uniformed tall middle-aged nurse, disturbed by the ruckus and rousted from the back of the Recovery Ward.

Will she overstep her authority in the Ward and approach the revelers in the bar? What will she do - demand silence? Or a share of the food?

Will the squid and the bats and the wombats and whatever else has walked, crawled, swum, or levitated into the bar respond?

Are there any ducks up in the rafters that would like to join in the activity? Maybe perch on the tree? Is there a tree?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 09:28 PM

As I was walking home one evenin'
I know this takes some believin'
I met a group of creatures
With the strangest lookin' features

A poor old dove and a worm in the weed
And a fine old pigeon, yes indeed
A daddy longlegs jumpet sprite
As he danced to the reel in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
And the daddy longlegs jumpet sprite
As he danced to the reel in the flickering light

On his thin and wispy spindles
He was deft and he was nimble
His eyes were scientific
And his dancing was terrific

And the rats and worms they made a din
And the nettles in the corners took it in
"Oh God" says I, "Tonight's the night"
"We'll dance to the reel in the flickering light"
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
"Oh God" says I "tonight's the night
We'll dance to the reel in the flickering light"

Then he looked at me directly
With a gaze that could dissect me
Then he asked me in a whisper
"Have you got any sisters?"

"Oh God almighty" says I to him
"What sort of a man d'you think I am?
I've only one she's not your type
She wouldn't dance the reel in the flickering light"
So round we go, heel to the toe
"I've only one she's not your type
She wouldn't dance a reel in the flickering light"

Says he
"Does she come from another planet?
Does she got a bee in her bonnet?
Does she do her daily duties
You never know we might be suited"

And the rats and the worms began in to laugh
And some of them started shufflin' off
We're goin' to have some fun tonight
Getting ready for the reel in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
We're goin' to have some fun tonight
Getting ready for the reel in the flickering light

I could see he had no scruples
When I looked into his pupils
They were purple or magenta
Like a statue during lent

I said "I'll get her right away"
"Good man" says he "now don't delay"
We're going to have some fun tonight
And he flicked his legs in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
We're goin' to have some fun tonight
And he flicked his legs in the flickering light

Then up stepped a red carnation
And they gave her an ovation
She was warm and enchatin'
As she slowly started dancin'

And the wise old pigeon peeled his eye
And the nettles and the weeds began to sigh
Daddy longlegs said "my-oh-my
Are we ready for the reel in the flickering light?"
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
Daddy longlegs said "my-oh-my
Are we ready for the reel in the flickering light?"

She was gentle, she was charmin'
And I heard him call her "darlin'
He was graceful as a whisper
On his delicate legs of silver

And the rats and worms were still as mice
And the poor old pigeon said "That's nice"
As shimmering there, ah, the lovely bride
As they danced to the reel in the flickering light
Oh round we go, heel to the toe
As shimmering there, ah, the lovely bride
As they danced to the reel in the flickering light

Oh round we go, heel to the toe
As shimmering there, ah, the lovely bride
As they danced to the reel in the flickering light

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 01:59 AM

the Giant Wombat starts a song from his homeland -The Dover's Dream

One night when travelling sheep, my companions lay asleep
There was not a star to illuminate the sky
I was dreaming, I suppose, for my eyes were nearly closed
When a very strange procession passed me by
First there came a kangaroo, with his swag of blankets blue
A dingo ran beside him for a mate
They were travelling mighty fast, and they shouted as they passed
"We'll have to jog along, it's getting late"

The pelican and the crane, they came in from off the plain
To amuse the company with a Highland Fling
The dear old bandicoot played a tune upon his flute
And the native bears sat round them in a ring
The drongo and the crow sang us songs of long ago
While the frill-necked lizard listened with a smile
And the emu standing near with his claw up to his ear
Said, "Funniest thing I've heard for quite a while"

The frogs from out the swamp, where the atmosphere is damp
Came bounding in and sat upon the stones
They each unrolled their swags and produced from out their bags
The violin, the banjo and the bones
The goanna and the snake, and the adder wide awake
With the alligator danced "The Soldier's Joy"
In the spreading silky oak the jackass cracked a joke
And the magpie sang "The Wild Colonial Boy"

Some brolgas darted out from the tea-tree all about
And performed a set of Lancers very well
Then the parrot green and blue gave the orchestra its cue
To strike up "The Old Log Cabin in the Dell."
I was dreaming, I suppose, of these entertaining shows
But it never crossed my mind I was asleep
Till the Boss beneath the cart woke me up with such a start
Yelling, "Dreamy, where the hell are all the sheep?"

He plaintively wondered why he was not included, even those foreign sheep got a mention ....

He politely asked for a Cascade beer as he has been drinking it since 1824, he thinks he is their oldest customer.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 08:50 AM

From deep in the sock hanging by the fireplace comes, in the voice of Burl Ives:

Once a lonely caterpillar sat and cried,
To a sympathetic beetle by his side.
"I've got nobody to hug,
I'm such an ugly bug."
Then a spider and a dragonfly replied,
"If you're serious and want to win a bride,
Come along with us,
To the glorious
Annual ugly bug ball."
Come on let's crawl
Gotta crawl, gotta crawl
To the ugly bug ball
To the ball, to the ball
And a happy time we'll have there
One and all
At the ugly bug ball
While the crickets clicked their tricky melodies
All the ants were fancy-dancing with the fleas
Then up from under the ground
The worms came squirming around
Oh they danced until there legs were nearly lame
Every little crawling creature you could name
Everyone was glad
What a time they had
They were so happy they came
Everyone was glad! What a time they had!
They were so happy they came!
Come on let's crawl
Gotta crawl, gotta crawl
To the ugly bug ball
To the ball, to the ball
And a happy time we'll have there
One and all!
At the ugly bug ball.
Then our caterpillar saw a pretty queen
She was beautiful in yellow, black and green
He said, "Would you care to dance?"
Their dancing led to romance.
And she sat upon his caterpillar knees
And he gave his caterpillar queen a squeeze
Soon they'll honeymoon
Build a big cocoon
Thanks to the ugly bug ball
Come on let's crawl
Gotta crawl, gotta crawl,
To the ugly bug ball
To the ball, to the ball
And a happy time we'll have there
One and all!
At the ugly bug ball!

After this ditty, the bat wriggled around till their head popped out of the sock, which rather miraculously did not fall into the fireplace. Feeling peckish after that version of Johnny McAdoo, are ye? came from a rather piratical-seeming parrot perched above the bust of Pallas Athena by the pot-boy in the corner as the Devil took a chair...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 05:00 PM

Amidst the carnage, the druid watches as a flock of ducks and swans perch neatly in the boughs of the tree. High above the revelry, they look down and the druid knows their thoughts: bombs away on those below!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 05:47 PM

The visual on those particular waterfowl perching neatly in any tree, let alone by the partridge on that pear tree, has made my night.

Where are the 4 calling girls? The 3 drenched hens?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 05:51 AM

Morning has broken

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 06:01 AM

The old lady has knitted a fancy, warm woolly sock for the dear bat to nestle down into, and the African man puts his own sock back on, while helping the bat to snuggle down in the new knitted one.
Yet another toasted crumpet dripping with butter appears, floating through the air by magic. Hopefully, a partridge sitting in a tree above will not liberally baptise this crumpet with an extra topping.
African man sits on a bar stool and treats the company to a song, "'Ooray! 'Ooray! eets a 'appy 'oliday' ..." (Sadly, the latter 'h' doesn't come easily to him). He also wishes everyone "A Verreee 'Appy noo yeeear!" for next weekend. Old lady heartily endorses this.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 06:29 AM

A tune welcomes the sun

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 04:23 PM

A happy bat wafts to the bar for yet another Irish coffee [no Bailey's, no mint]. A nice wide mug so they can, actually, bathe in it, using the whipped cream as an elegant throw...

Aaaah...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 08:15 PM

Meanwhile, in the hot tub.... Papa Bat and Momma Bat are doing bat things such as flapping their wings in the face of Squiddy, diving on the squidlets, and otherwise teasing the Squid family. One of the squidlets, using his siphon and "water jet," squirts Papa Bat and he loses control and flapping wildly, plunges into the Stygian depths of the hot tub.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 09:21 PM

Question: Are the depths of a hot tub dark?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Dec 21 - 11:34 PM

These ones are. I wouldn't ask why.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Dec 21 - 04:45 AM

lol

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Dec 21 - 09:21 AM

Where is everybody? Am I stuck in my sock?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 03:48 AM

Snores abound. Check the corners- they all look occupied to me. Never fear- we'll be up and ready to go when the New Year rolls around.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 04:29 AM

the wombat opens his eyes - New Year is earlier in The Land of Oz ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 02:50 PM

That one bat is delighted to wish hippo gnu deer to cats anywhere east of zulu+5! And a superb summer solstice season to you southerners!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 02:56 PM

(Screams of outrage from all east of the International Date Line, all the way around to Zulu+4 where it is actually about to be 2022 by the Gregorian calendar...)

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 08:26 PM

The bartender, cook, and bottle-washer had a pot of beets on the stove in back out of sight that boiled over without his noticing. The whole tavern now has a smoky smell, and various customers opened windows to let in fresh air. It seems to have also let in more bats . . .

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 09:39 PM

Above the bar is a sampler, stitched years ago by M. Mario, reading

Bats Are Our Friends

which was long thought to refer to baseball and cricket bats.

This was incorrect, referring to mammals with a patagium, members of the family Chiroptera. The sampler is well-thought of, indeed celebrated, by all the resident bats. The resident bats are, according to Squiddy, convinced that those who visit the Tavern are all bats.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 21 - 10:16 PM

And so they are. Belfries are lonely...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: JennieG
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 03:37 PM

Now that the festivities are fewer and further between the giant wombat stirs from the corner where it has been hunkered down, and slowly......very slowly......ambles toward the door.

The assembled multitude hold their breath in suspense - will wombat reach the door? or will the door close first, trapping a giant wombat inside until next year?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 08:31 PM

This year it was my plan to avoid the jello pit.
So I went to supper at the dining hall buffet
in the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve,
and what were they serving for dessert?


A huge deep dish of lemon-lime jello . . .

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 08:56 PM

run, wombat!

Well, move at the wombat version of running which is to just walk thru inconvenient things, like fences, walls & doors, depending which is in the straight line a wombat is walking ...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 10:26 PM

Squiddy was so excited by screams of "Happy New Year!" in various languages (including profane and obscene) at midnight that globs of jello were flung in every direction, including up and down. Various 'catters were caught in melee, including the guy with the rapier.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Jan 22 - 11:28 PM

OH, NO!

killed? or wounded by jello, there can be no worse fate

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Jan 22 - 10:02 AM

Foiled again...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 22 - 08:21 PM

Using his trusty rapier he parries every glob thrown his way. Unfortunately, lime jello ill becomes his blade and soon it shows signs of rust and pitting in the high quality carbon steel. He pauses to wipe it clean on the weskit of someone nearby and a glob hits him right in the face. Fortunately, his mouth was closed at the time.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 03 Jan 22 - 03:22 AM

what is this jello made of that it can kill high quality carbon steel, it's even more dangerous than I thought

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Jan 22 - 01:53 PM

The bat is warbling The Frozen Logger and giggling at how that 40-year old waitress -- who used to be so *old* -- is now, 50 some-odd years on, so young! What magic.

There is a blizzard outside, if you look out certain windows or walk out most doors.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 22 - 09:36 PM

Cold, too. SOMEBODY STOKE UP THE FIRE!!!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Jan 22 - 07:37 AM

Of course, Rap. Coming right up. I'm not sleepy yet. Last "night" I found myself crawling into bed at 10 til 5:00. I agree that that is overdoing it. Obviously, I'm not getting enough exercise to get tired.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Jan 22 - 08:26 AM

More wood!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Jan 22 - 08:35 AM

Roger burst through the door with snow blowin in, "The roads are closed!"

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 22 - 09:28 PM

So? Here is food, wine and more, friends, warmth (if someone will please take care of that fire), Squiddy, jello, music, song, bathrooms, bats, and much, much more. The only roads out of here are those that go Somewhere Else.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 09:54 AM

on the tenth day of xmas my trueluv gave to me, um...uh... ah fugit FIVE GOLDEN RINGS

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 04:32 PM

Aaaaand there goes the power.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 05:40 PM

The black belt caterpillar wrestler emerges from the obscure door that leads to the vast array of back rooms.
"It's OK the battery backup is fully charged and the wind turbine is on full power. Someone has been switching things off though, as though they want to start a detective mystery. Is anyone missing?"

Robin

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 06:46 PM

Mr. Body is missing. We could split up and do a search.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 07:24 PM

A good old fashioned mid-winter-snowed-in Locked Room mystery?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 07:30 PM

I'm just glad Oz kicked Jokavich out.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 22 - 09:44 PM

Non ita sunt tranctanda res Mudcatorum!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 01:09 AM

'The situation of the Mudcati cannot be settled' according to that esteemed Latin academic, Dr Google

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 03:53 AM

The old lady (in rather a bossy mood, using her retired teacher voice) stands up and orders everyone back to their seats. "Now, anyone who is caught turning off the heating will lose their playtime and stand in the corner. The monitors will fetch more wood and stoke up the fire. Everyone take out your Singing Together songbooks from your desks and we will sing all the songs from page one onwards!"
She toddles over the to upright piano and starts to bash out the accompaniment (rather difficult, because she's munching on a buttered crumpet while playing).

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 04:01 AM

I stand up and in as stentorian voice as I can manage- being of the gentler persuasion, I roar: Old Lady! Put it down! Or swallow it- I don't care. I'm not putting another dollar into that old pianny if another greasy pair of hands gets on those keys!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 01:38 PM

A moment later I slide to my knees at the piano bench where Old Lady is suddenly playing a lively jig, the last bit of crumpet disappearing between the beatific lips.

I beg your pardon, I say earnestly and loudly. You, of all people, would not smear the keys. Please forgive me.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 03:51 PM

Old Lady laughs and gives the piano-key-protector a hug. She plays some more lively jigs to get everyone bobbing around. African Man is laughing too. He's jigging around with the sweet bat and keeping it nice and warm. "More Old Speckled Hen ale please!" and lo! a huge barrel is rolled in. Cheers everybody!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 22 - 10:20 PM

He calls, "Sheep Dip! I want Sheep Dip!"

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 03:54 AM

A second barrel arrives containing Sheep Dip (from Yeovil Ales, Wiltshire) and the Old Lady tries it. "Very nice!" she says, giving a small hiccup.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 06:08 AM

Yes, but you should see what it does to the sheep!

Robin

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 07:20 AM

Just drink it tup, ewe might like it. Gets rid of maggots and ticks in your gut I imagine.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 07:21 AM

Ha! Post number 100!!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 09:48 AM

The African accidentally swings the bat into the post! Oh, no!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 12:10 PM

Oh pauvre petit chauve-souris! Quel dommage! La vieille frotte sa tete et danse Le Mapouka pour lever le morale.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 12:24 PM

The Mudcat Xmas Tavern may be a destination for enthusiasts of locked room mysteries, but a large game of Clue comes to mind for the venue. Ms Scarlett in the kitchen with the scale-model trebuchet. Flinging baby bats out the back door to their unending glee.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 04:28 PM

I wonder if the Three Wise Men will swing by whilst
returning and avoiding King Herod,
and stop in to tie up their camels for a moment.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 08:48 PM

They usually do. And what do you mean, "scale model trebuchet"?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 12:05 AM

The bald mouse, being well-padded, is fine, but will not say no to a large decaf Irish whiskey, no Baileys, no mint, yes whipped cream!

The glass is about the same size as the bat, and *piping* hot. Really. The steam sounds like bagpipes. Impressed, and having been to both Draco's Tavern *and* the Long Spoon, la chauve-souris, avec courage, entame sa boisson. Irish coffee has to be drunk while still hot all the way down. The bat *has* to be drunk after that, and in fact will be drunkenly alert for hours.

Now, it's the bat that sounds like bagpipes, on every exhale, but, too drunk to figure out why the bloody piper never seems to finish a song, is trying to shout requests over the sound of the pipes. This does not go well for the bat, but since all the shouting and, in fact, all the piping, has been in too high a register for the Squid, or most of the adult humans, to register, not many notice anything much.

A bat head down in a nice warm freshly-enptied hot whiskey glass is no unusual sight on *this* bar, after all.

Eventually, the glass cools, and the bat extricates themself and lands upright, wearing a dashing melty whipped-cream beret. The pipes stopped when the steam ran out, so the bat whirls back off above the dance floor, scattering off-white blobs immediately mistaken for guano.

That doesn't go so well for the bat, either...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 10:54 AM

The Gnome opens one eye at the mention of Sheep Dip. Locking his lips he raises the barrel to his lips, takes a large swallow and tosses the barrel over his shoulder in disgust.

"That's not proper Sheep Dip!" he cries before going back to sleep.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 11:11 AM

The three wisemen did drop by yesterday on the day of Epiphaney and had an epiphaney. It was that The Christmas Tavern is a very strange place.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 11:49 AM

"Scale model" in that it fits indoors. Inside the kitchen, near the back door.

A beaver family waddles into the tavern, wrenches the tree from it's stand, and proceeds to start eating it.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 04:23 PM

Could you deliver the dishonoring note to Lord Krawl?
General Corvo says "I can't deliver it because he knows I know you, perhaps that bat could do it"
(Giving the note to Lord Krawl will trigger the penultimte task in the "Pendleton's Note" side objective knowing if Corvo fails to deliver the letter, Pendleton will disclose his mistress and reveal that he likened the face of Lord Krawl's wife to that of a plague rat.)-
"you're right, the batitis" he says
The problem is he's not a homing bat.
That leaves the Wombat.
Do you have any tape to hold the note to its forehead.
It won't stick to fur
Furget it, Pendleton is an ass anyway. Crumpet?
OK...maybe we could mail it...
Let sleeping squids float.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 09:09 PM

One of the beavers develops diarrhea and Our Hero quickly feeds the poor critter some wood glue, which solves THAT problem!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Jan 22 - 03:29 AM

"Beaver Butt"- that's a new one for me, but if it works, Rap, it's worth the cost. Prices go up. They never come down.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Jan 22 - 02:53 PM

[the new animated movie Transylvania Hotel has stolen our 'blobby' lime green jello that transforms into a monster]

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Jan 22 - 08:33 PM

Somebody, or several bodies, has/have festooned the bar with a broad banner saying "New Year's Tavern 2022" in many languages, including ASL.

---

As Jean Luc Picard said "Make it so!" ---tipsy mudelf

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 22 - 08:36 PM

Interesting, especially as the ASL is "live".

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Jan 22 - 01:44 AM

Various compliments are scrawled on the outhouse's inside walls... One says, in ASL, Stokoe was a genius.

Another reads, in English: Houston, be advised: Rich Purnell is a steely-eyed missile man.

One in German was written in the old calligraphy but the ink has run, over the years, and over the knotholes, making it hard to decipher. There might be a reference to a Biergarten...

Something appears to have been painted by a drunken squid using multiple tentacles.

The Klingon one is too profane to list here. And that is saying a lot.

There are cartoons of famous people lining up around the bar. A voice from outside says Hey, it's Mohamed, can I join the party? and the bartender hollers No! And put some clothes on!

A thief runs, pantless and panting, into the night...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Jan 22 - 03:46 AM

"A thief runs, pantless and panting, into the night."
In which direction? What does he or she have in his or her pockets?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 10 Jan 22 - 04:22 AM

Goodness me! Running around 'pantless' eh? 'Pants' in UK means underpants, or undercrackers. I hope you actually mean 'trousers'? Pantless would result in some very chilly ...er... body parts! Not to mention arrest by the Plod for indecent exposure!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Jan 22 - 11:34 AM

Oh that thief is suffering major shrinkage!

North. He ran north.

No trousers for his one-eyed snake...
No pants, underpants, jeans, leggings, or thesaurus.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 11 Jan 22 - 11:42 AM

Why can't I think of another word for thesaurus?

Robin

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Jan 22 - 05:30 PM

Roget, um, roger that!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 22 - 07:44 PM

ASL, he knows, will finger you to the cops.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Jan 22 - 08:32 AM

Nobody fingers me. At least, not without my consent.

And a pinkie, at most.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: GUEST,Ghost of Christmas passed
Date: 15 Jan 22 - 11:44 AM

With a swish of their under-powered wand, the squib transforms the thread from Christmas Tavern 2021 to New Year's Tavern 2022. They walk quietly away with a dribble of green jelly plopping from the wand's end. At the edge of the property, the wand is deployed one more time to fill the horse trough outside the Tavern with a green jello starter kit.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Jan 22 - 10:56 PM

Actually I can think of a word that sort of rhymes with thesaurus
but you have to mispronounce it to make that happen.
And it's kind of raunchy. Never mind.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 16 Jan 22 - 06:21 PM

Water bag icer gut! A nervous sausage bag ice! comes from the kitchen as the bat adds yet more hotroot to the yak soup. Turns out to be talking to Loris from Cul de Sac, who is zooming out of her hair ties as usual rustling up some meadowcream to cool les gueules de ceux qui craignent le pilipili.

Nothing like twice-hot (temp and spice) soup on a cold evening, eh?

The snow outside is turning to sleet, d'après the sounds against the windows. Hope the twigs on the branches on the boughs on the trees in the holes (and the holes in the ground) are ok for the gnats on the feathers on the wings of the birds in the nests thereupon!

One of Loris' hairtie rubber bands sproings towards the soup, but out of nowhere, a rapier flashes and deftly wings it back to Loris.

-Thanks! I am forever running -
-Yeah, we noticed, from the bat
- out of those, from Loris, with a sideeye upwards at the bat.

Faint applause is heard from the local contortionist.

The bat is now filling a row of bowls with fresh spinach, and setting out pistachios, almonds, and, with a grinning thankyou aside to Loris, the meadowcream, for the pilipili pityparty people. A couple of ladles of the soup just wilts the spinach and cools the soup from lava to still-hot-enough-at-the-end-if-you-eat-fast-enough-to-risk-innercineration.

An old woman grabs buttered crumpets and starts dipping.

An Ivorian, slightly ashamed of his Afcon keeper [allez, les zéléphants, du zèle !] and with one sock noticeably stretched out grabs some extra hotroot and doesn't even sneer at those running for extra meadowcream, eyes bleeding,

A tentacle snakes in, encircles a bowl, and slowly drags it out, without spillling anything. A rapier from somewhere flicks pistachios into the passing bowl, and another tentacle makes an elegant and grateful leg.

The bat sees that it is time to grab a bowl themself before it's all gone! Foregoing the meadowcream and scooping mostly broth, they grab the bowl with their feet and wing off to the table where the old lady had extra crumpets.

Just as well you didn't need the meadowcream, comments the Ivorian, it would have looked like-
-So! How about this storm? interrupts a squeamish Loris from the next table over.

-Whatcha guano doo? asks the rapier wit, foiling the attempt to keep the dinner conversation from dégringoler-ing into the gutter...

This *is* the Tavern, after all.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 22 - 09:08 PM

The gentleman with the rapier gracefully salutes Loris, whom along with the Otterloops, Beni, Miss Bliss, Mr. Danders, Dill (and his brothers), Ernesto Lacuna, and the rest he has known for years.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jan 22 - 11:34 PM

There was a lull in activity when a few of the partiers discretely checked their cell phones, then pulling up a browser, visited http://www.covidtests.gov/ and ordered four free COVID test kits, to be delivered by the post office in 2 weeks. This is for latecomers to the home test party in the US; the rest of the the group has been testing all year.

These are the times that try men's tests.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 10:08 AM

Yes, and men are so *sensitive* about their tests...

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 11:56 AM

Ernesto Lacuna, that's a good one.
Me, I'm used to Ernesto Lecuona (Granada, Malagueña ... )

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 05:14 PM

I believe we got through another full moon in one piece.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 08:27 PM

And, he says, I had a friend in college who took a couple of small examinations and blew both his testes.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 08:52 PM

aarrrgh

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 10:17 PM

Some kink or other sang It's just another full moooooooon...

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 22 Jan 22 - 12:00 PM

I thought that Igor was brewing up his own version in one of the back rooms.

Robin

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Jan 22 - 02:51 PM

Who is brewing up whose virgins?

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Jan 22 - 11:27 PM

Ok, it got cold. Witches' tits and well-diggers' asses are frozen. Brass monkeys' balls have all fallen off, as have Americans' asses. Hungarian asses are shut. French tits are curdling, and francophones are complaining that it is quailing. The sign language folks are mute or incoherent, depending on whether their hands are in their pockets or mittens.

Who is going to stoke up the fire?

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Jan 22 - 04:39 AM

don't need a fire in my Little Bit of Paradise in the Tavern!

But I suppose i could wander thru to your Little Bit of Paradise as I like looking at crackling fires (from a distance!)

I'm no good at stoking fires, as we don't need them in my Little Bit of Paradise, tho I used to visit friend in colder climates in mid winter & watch my host drop wood into the stove. Gloves & tongs!

The wombat will probably know how as he lives in colder climates, but I dunno if he is still around.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 22 - 09:11 PM

Now, it appears, there's a world-wide shortage of tea. The British Commonwealth is in deep, deep trouble. This could be the final straw for the fall of the Empire!

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Feb 22 - 09:19 AM

A tiger strolls in and devours the ox.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: JennieG
Date: 01 Feb 22 - 08:22 PM

The wombat is hibernating because the weather has been hot. Wombats do not like temperatures much over 25 deg C (you'll have to work out for yourselves what that is in old thinking).

The forecast indicates that cooler weather is on the way. This pleases the wombat a great deal.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 12:29 AM

It's about -23° Kelvin, I think, but the math was kinda tricky. Nevertheless, it's cool, man!

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 07:16 AM

Wombat, you are estivating, drones a pedant from a safe distance.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 07:40 AM

It's about -23° Kelvin, I think, but the math was kinda tricky. Nevertheless, it's cool, man!

At 23 below absolute zero, it would be!

Jeannie's 25C btw is 298.15K, 77F

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 08:01 AM

A cold groundhog came in just to warm by the fire.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 09:00 AM

25C = approx 80F

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 10:56 AM

Room temp, I recall from chemistry classes. Made the math easy.

The tiger has devoured the groundhog. The estivating wombat is safe, though, the tiger likes all bats, even ones with wombs.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 04:16 PM

Estivationg suits a wombat nicely.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 05:22 PM

Services for the groundhog will be this Thurs. noon. He is survived by his wife Philipia and Phil Jr. Tigers are not invited.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 09:03 PM

And the rapier man says pointedly, "Tigers go where they please."

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 09:50 PM

The tiger is the tiger who walks by himself, and all places are alike to him. He will not come.

The mildly tipsy bat kipples in, having decided to camouflage their guano for the amusement of snowball fighters and -man builders, and orders up another Irish decaf mocha. Breaking off a piece of that chocolate bar, they start dipping an end in the hot beverage, sucking off the melty chocolate, and taking sips while said chocolate is still on their tongue, enjoying each mouthful till it cools to body temp before consuming.

Sensuously sucking, sipping, savoring, and swallowing, the dipping bat winks at the rapier wit with a snaggle-toothed grin.

The contortionist applauds again.

The tiger, curled by the fire, is trying to figure out who has the snaggle-toothed grin, the rapier wit or the now rather inebriated bat.

Ed McCurdy's ghost appears suddenly with a pig, who slowly walks away. Ed sits next to the bat and orders some booze -no blood, no bones. His baritone is so rich, it makes the bat's current mouthful seem thin and tasteless, freaking the bat out till Ed finishes ordering and lo, the taste came back, whew.

Meanwhile, somewhere 13 clocks are striking, and a parrot whupples "Geep" somewhere else...

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 11:42 PM

Heads twirl around on bodies . . .

Memes of wolves and cats eating groundhogs have appeared all day. Relatives of Mr G. had better stay indoors for a while.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Feb 22 - 05:32 AM

Old lady sadly looks at a buttered crumpet and wonders what the African man is doing in his new home.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Feb 22 - 08:59 AM

Whither has my warm-footed Ivorian meandered?

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Feb 22 - 10:58 AM

The tiger spits a hairball in the corner and strolls back out of the Tavern. A concerned bat checks the hairball, not having seen the Squidlets in a while, but there were just some tiedyed fibers and a big toe hangnail.
The bat, relieved, releases some guano onto the hairball then flits up to a dark corner, to hang upside down and consider deep realities,

From somewhere in the distance come the destructive rumblings of an elephant in musth.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 22 - 01:23 PM

Quickly he loads his elephant bun with foliage and fruits and awaits the pleasant pachyderm.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Feb 22 - 10:20 AM

Bun? roars the elephant, who is trying to be keto.

Not easy, for an herbivore. But it does make for an unpleasant pachyderm.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Feb 22 - 09:11 PM

Now, where is the Ivorian,
now that the elephant shows up??

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Feb 22 - 10:34 PM

Bewitched by a grigri, far far away

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Feb 22 - 10:48 PM

This sounds like the creatures from the jigsaw puzzle in my sunroom are coming to life. Is there a flamingo in the bar? There's one in my puzzle.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Feb 22 - 11:44 PM

The flamingo with the upside-down smile has been caught flat-footed, trying to dance while standing on one leg, and falls (with style!) gracefully, missing barstools, the jello pit and the old lady, landing softly on the guano-covered hairball which, to be fair, he'd mistaken for a cushion or beanbag chair, turning his smile upside down, which confuses the ghost of Stephen Jay Gould, who's been hovering anywhere the bats aren't flitting.

Our particular bat, trying to pretend not to be laughing hyenacally, runs like that last sentence and quickly flits back upright to avoid having guano run in some even worse way. The rapier wit flicks a clean (ish) bar towel to the flamingo, turning his frown back into an upside-down smile. Stephen Jay Gould leaves, thumbing a ride with a panda and Sissy Hankshaw.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 03:48 AM

The old lady sits sadly in the corner trying hard to smile. The Ivorian elephant is nowhere to be seen, as he's moved to another tavern in another place. No more crumpets are to be consumed, and the old lady hopes for the arrival of some Morris dancers to cheer her up.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 10:44 AM

The bat squeaks Have a hot toddy! but the old lady doesn't hear anything that high-pitched any more, so the effort is not noticed. Nonetheless, hot Irish whiskey, hot tea, honey, and a lemon slice studded with cloves have appeared, sharing a tall glass glass with an ear-shaped handle, slightly to her left.

The smell of new crumpets wafts from the kitchen.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 08:44 PM

Morris dancing - did someone say Morris dancing

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 08:53 PM

& it certainly is crumpet time (lunch time!) here in my part of the tavern

sandra

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 09:15 PM

Sharing a glass with an ear? Ooookkaaayyyy.....

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 22 - 09:47 PM

No, he says, no glass with an ear or an eye or a nose for me, thanks.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Senoufou
Date: 08 Feb 22 - 03:34 AM

The old lady has been jigging about to the Black Joak Morris video, and feels more cheerful.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 Feb 22 - 05:28 AM

nothing like a good jig to lift the spirits! more morris & a Mummer's play

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Feb 22 - 08:41 AM

Gigoté chic! cries a drunken bilingual ram, glad the tiger is gone.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 02:30 PM

Threwn about the empty tavern is lots of shit but none so curious as the perfectly cubed shaped wombat crap.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 07:00 PM

Must be used to a good square meal!

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 09:12 PM

Its been a real mystery. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/scientists-have-solved-mystery-how-wombats-poop-cubes-180976898/