Subject: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST Date: 28 Jan 00 - 01:22 PM Which song in the talking Blues format do you all find the funniest of the genre? |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Steve Latimer Date: 28 Jan 00 - 01:26 PM Dylan's TALKING WORLD WAR III BLUES. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: catspaw49 Date: 28 Jan 00 - 01:31 PM Either "TALKIN' CANDY BAR BLUES" by Paul Stookey or "TALKING VIETNAM POTLUCK BLUES" by Tom Paxton. Spaw |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Barbara Date: 28 Jan 00 - 02:19 PM "YOWZAH" and "IT DOES NOT PAY TO BE HIP" by Shel Silverstein are good too. Blessings, Barbara |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: kendall Date: 28 Jan 00 - 02:26 PM IT SURE AS HELL AIN'T COUNTRY by Kendall Morse. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: TerriM Date: 28 Jan 00 - 02:37 PM How about ALICE'S RESTAURANT MASSACREE by Arlo Guthrie? |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Vixen Date: 28 Jan 00 - 02:47 PM My vote goes for the TALKIN' CANDY BAR BLUES.
I 'spect I'll get a round of groans for nominating "BLUES (MY NAUGHTY SWEETIE GIVES TO ME)"
V |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: bobby's girl Date: 28 Jan 00 - 03:38 PM My vote definitely goes to Tom Paxton's TALKING VIETNAM POTLUCK BLUES - it's years since I first heard it but it still makes me laugh! |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Wesley S Date: 28 Jan 00 - 04:06 PM Whatever happened to talking blues? I don't see them much anymore - maybe I'm not looking in the right places. One current TB that I enjoyed is called "TALKIN' CAVAN" on Tim O'Brien's new CD called The Crossing. It's about his search for distant relations in Ireland. The whole CD is a mix of bluegrass and Celtic musicians and styles. Great stuff - check it out. |
Subject: Lyr Add: RV BLUES (Kendall Morse & Smokey Green) From: kendall Date: 28 Jan 00 - 04:35 PM THE RV BLUES (Kendall Morse & Smokey Green) If you want to get in trouble, I'll tell you how to do it Get an RV and then you're into it You fix all day and tinker all night, never get the damn thing running right Always breaking down, flat tires, fouled spark plugs.
I bought my rig about a year ago
Well, I cleaned her up as best I could
I'd like to sell it and get off this kick |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Micca Date: 28 Jan 00 - 05:59 PM There was a great one by Lonnie Donegan [TALKING GUITAR BLUES] in the 50s that went something like:
If you want to get in trouble let me tell you how to do it Well, I like it along with the Tom Paxton TALKING VIETNAM POTLUCK BLUES which he did at the Royal Albert Hall with this wonderful guitar intro which he played 3 times with a dreamy vacant expression!!! |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Bill D Date: 28 Jan 00 - 06:18 PM this thread...all about nothing includes the TALKIN' NOTHIN' BLUES. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Stewie Date: 28 Jan 00 - 09:21 PM My favourites are Dick Feller's 'LORD, MR. FORD', which still holds up pretty well after a couple of decades, and Ramblin' Jack's 'EAST TEXAS TALKING BLUES'. I'll post the lyrics as 'Lyr add' threads. Cheers, Stewie. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Sorcha Date: 28 Jan 00 - 09:41 PM Maybe..........Talkin' Blues now equals cowboy Poetry?????? |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Benjamin Date: 29 Jan 00 - 02:00 AM HESITATION BLUES (Rev. Gary Davis) |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 29 Jan 00 - 02:44 AM Woody Guthrie's "TALKING FISHING BLUES" is a pretty good one. --seed |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST Date: 29 Jan 00 - 07:45 PM TALKING BIRMINGHAM JAM by Phil Ochs was pretty damn funny |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Mark Roffe Date: 29 Jan 00 - 08:43 PM Talkin' LSD blues, which I learned in the sixties from a Sing Out magazine. It began: Well I was readin' in the paper, what did I see There's a brand new drug called LSD Some say it's good, some say it's bad Some say it's the weirdest thing they ever had Biggest thing since asprin... Twice as controversial. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Lanfranc Date: 30 Jan 00 - 06:29 PM Phil Ochs "TALKING AIRPLANE DISASTER" sticks in my mind, along with Paxton's "TALKING POP ART" and TALKING VIETNAM POTLUCK BLUES" OK, it's not quite in the standard meter, but how about "A BOY NAMED SUE" by Shel Silverstein - it's funny, talked and pretty much to a blues template?
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Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: ddw Date: 30 Jan 00 - 10:44 PM There's a pretty good one in the digitrad called TALKING FOLK MUSICIAN PURIST SNOB BLUES that's pretty funny. Still, I think my favorite is still Paxton's TALKING POP ART. david |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GeorgeH Date: 31 Jan 00 - 01:38 PM Peggy Seeger's "Talking Want Blues" is still my favourite . . G. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Sarah-HS Date: 31 Jan 00 - 01:48 PM Hmmmm. I wonder if this counts as talking blues: Hank Williams (as Luke the Drifter): "EVERYTHING'S OKAY" |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Pontiac Joe Date: 01 Feb 00 - 10:53 AM I like Bromberg's BULLFROG BLUES |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Songster Bob Date: 01 Feb 00 - 04:58 PM Mention has been made of the "TALKING GUITAR BLUES", attributed to a latter-day performer, but originally called "Red Foley's Talking Blues," I think, and picked up by most of us who do it from Woody Guthrie. Mention has been made of my "TALKING FOLK MUSICIAN PURIST SNOB BLUES," with kind words for which I thank you. That one was based, in the opening line, anyway, on Woody's "TALKING DUST BOWL BLUES," which I've always liked a lot.
The original "TALKING BLUES" was recorded in 1926 by Chris Bouchillon, a string band performer whose singing voice was only so-so, so the producer said, "Why not just talk one of these songs? I really like the way you talk." The resulting number starts, Bob Clayton |
Subject: Lyr Add: TALKIN' SEATTLE BLUES (Todd Snider) From: Clinton Hammond2 Date: 01 Feb 00 - 05:37 PM You folks never heard the "Talkin' Seattle Blues" By Todd Snider? Lemme see if I can find it... TALKIN' SEATTLE BLUES As recorded by Todd Snider on "Songs for the Daily Planet" (1994)*
CHORUS: Hey, hey, my, my,
Well, I was in this band goin' nowhere fast.
Now to fit in fast, we wear flannel shirts.
Now to fit in on the Seattle scene,
Well, we spread the word through the underground CHORUS
Well, they made us do a video but that wasn't tough,
Well, we blew 'em away at the Grammy show
Well, our band got dropped and that ain't funny, [* Another "live" version of this song, called "TALKING SEATTLE GRUNGE ROCK BLUES" appeared on "Near Truths and Hotel Rooms" (2003). Only a few phrases are changed.] |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Rev Carr Date: 01 Feb 00 - 11:50 PM I nominate the old Bob Dylan rarity "TALKIN' BEAR MOUNTAIN PICNIC MASSACRE BLUES." It's hard to find, but it's hilarious (and based on a true story). |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Steve Latimer Date: 02 Feb 00 - 11:19 AM Clinton, I have never heard that one, but it's a beauty. Do you remember the Weird Al one that was a send up on the whole Seattle sound? Something to the effect of "this is the part of the song that's really quiet, (Full grunge Chords heavily distorted) and this is the part of the song that's really loud" Funny as hell. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,simon-pierre Date: 03 Feb 00 - 01:15 AM Dylan's «TALKIN' HAVA NEGEILAH BLUES». That's all the lyrics... |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Clinton Hammond2 Date: 03 Feb 00 - 03:23 AM Steve It's a ghost track on Todd Snider And The Nervious Wrecks album Songs For The Daily Planet... My mom also has a video tape of them on Austin City limits, with slightly differnt lyrics... Great energy! Great songwriting! Great music all'round! ;-) |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,guest Date: 03 Feb 00 - 11:20 AM Has anyone heard the SIGNIFYIN' MONKEY? That's maybe the funniest blues I have ever heard, with "ANSWER TO THE LAUNDROMAT BLUES" running a distant second. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Skipjack K8 Date: 03 Feb 00 - 12:21 PM My favourite for the last 20+ years is Charlie Daniels 'UNEASY RIDER'. It taught me more about American social history than any other single document. Skipjack |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Jon Nickleodeon Date: 03 Feb 00 - 02:02 PM Does anyone know the words to TALKING POP ART, by Tom Paxton thanks |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: okthen Date: 04 Aug 00 - 07:44 PM alan ever heard "THE FATHER OF A BOY NAMED SUE" by Shel Silverstein, cash would NOT have recorded that cheers bill |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: MarkS Date: 04 Aug 00 - 11:56 PM Don't forget David Bromberg's "BEWARE, BROTHER, BEWARE." Not the same as talking blues by Dylan, Guthrie, or Elliot, but still funny and entertaining. "Don't DO that!" |
Subject: Lyr Add: FRATERNITY BLUES (Townes Van Zandt) From: GUEST,Ely Date: 05 Aug 00 - 07:51 PM FRATERNITY BLUES As recorded by Townes Van Zandt on "Live at the Old Quarter, Houston, Texas" (2008)
I decided to improve my social station. The car I drove, the books I read, the food I ate, the booze I drank, the girls I took out,--my breath.
They said, "Kid, we don't much like the way you walk, They said, "You got to learn to bubble. You got to bubble with enthusiasm." I started bubbling.
The most important thing, you can't forget, But I learnt it.... I can whip through that son-of-a-beta backwards in five seconds.
Then they hit me with some pretty bad news But I paid it.... I'm no trouble-causer and besides, I figured that's life--if you want good friends, they're gonna cost you.
Well, it finally got to be party time. Brandy Alexanders, frozen daiquiris, reciting the Greek alphabet to one another.
I could see I was gonna do my very best Walked inside and bubbled.... All over a couple of their dates.
So, now everything's back to normal again, Really give 'em something to bubble about. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: okthen Date: 05 Aug 00 - 09:17 PM has to be ALICE'S RESTAURANT MASSACREE |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Rich(stupidbodhranplayerwhodoesn'tknowbetter Date: 06 Aug 00 - 05:45 PM My all-time favorite has got to be Woody Guthrie's "TALKING HARD WORK" It's hysterical. It may be a stretch, but Ron Thomasin's intros during live performances of the Dry Branch Fire Squad are also really funny. I heard a few people complain that "ONce he gets to talkin', he forgets that he's SUPPOSED to be playin' music up there", but I think that's half of their charm. If you don't have the opportunity to see them, their "Live...At Last' CD is a must. Rich |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Miss`Ippe Date: 07 Aug 00 - 04:53 PM How 'bout John Hurt's "COFFEE BLUES",,,,,,,,,love that Maxwell House! |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: ddw Date: 07 Aug 00 - 09:47 PM I'm not sure they qualify as "talking blues," but a bunch of Ray Stevens's things are hilarious — the one that comes to mind first is The Day I Taught Charleen McKenzie How To Drive. Great stuff!. david |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: SmokinBill Date: 18 Mar 04 - 03:03 AM Dan Bern's "TALKIN' ALIEN ABDUCTION BLUES" is a more recent classic. Here's a little of it: I don't know what made me go out that night At that hour I'd have normally been in bed But I found myself lookin' up at the sky At a very bright light straight overhead It flashed green Then Red Santa Claus colors I stood there frozen in that light Then I started hearin' this kind of whir The lights got louder and the noise got brighter And I felt a sudden chill Brrrrrrrr It was cold I shouldn't have gone out without a coat My mom was right again ... Bill Smokin Bill's Digital Depot |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: John MacKenzie Date: 18 Mar 04 - 03:26 AM I always liked TALKING POP ART by Tom Paxton John |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Shlio Date: 18 Mar 04 - 03:41 AM ALICE'S RESTAURANT MASSACREE is the funniest, but Dylan's "Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues" comes a close second. The lyrics are here |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: ced2 Date: 18 Mar 04 - 07:10 AM Talking Nursery Rhyme Blues.. words generally strung together by an odd collection of people I know/knew... verses vary according to what takes your fancy. A sample:- Little Miss Muffet, Sat on her tuffet, Eating her curds and whey, Along came a spider, Which sat down beside her, So she crushed it with her spoon, Mixed well with her curds, And carried on eatin' Delicious. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Strollin' Johnny Date: 18 Mar 04 - 08:13 AM 'Flat-Pack Furniture Blues' is hilarious. Don't know who wrote it but a guy called John Mitchell (a.k.a. Mitch) from, I think, the Sheffield area does it. Brilliant. :0) :0) |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: John P Date: 18 Mar 04 - 09:36 AM I used to do "The Walrus and the Carpenter" by Lewis Carrol as a talking blues. On the grunge thing, I live in Seattle and one time I was in a recording studio and the engineer was all amazed. His last client was a band from the midwest somewhere that played grunge. They flew to Seattle and booked three days in the studio, recorded and album, and flew home. All so the album cover could say "recorded in Seattle". What a wierd thing popular perception is . . . John Peekstok |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 18 Mar 04 - 11:29 AM ALICE'S RESTAURANT MASSACREE is a hoot, all right, but it's not a talking blues, methinks. It doesn't really conform to the "rules" or understood format of a talking blues. I'd call it a recitation or a monologue with musical interludes. Which doesn't change the fact that it's a GREAT WORK OF ART! Dave Oesterreich |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 18 Mar 04 - 11:55 AM I like and regularly perform TALKING UNDERTAKER BLUES . I don't have any idea where I got this. It's not in the DT. It may possibly have a tune to it, but I've never heard anyone perform it but me. Click above and enjoy! Dave Oesterreich |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST Date: 18 Mar 04 - 12:19 PM I guess you gotta be world famous to be appreciated |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Gorgeous Gary Date: 18 Mar 04 - 07:49 PM I have a few favorites, although they're all out of the filk community. My favorite is "TALKIN' BUILDING Q BLUES" by Indianapolis filker (and degreed ethnomusicologist...) Barry Childs-Helton which is a send-up of the US-government-is-hiding-a-UFO idea. There's also Frank Hayes' "LIKE A LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER" which is a shortening (hmm...perhaps a poor choice of words there...) of "Matty Groves". Actually, I sang the latter at an Open Sing once; the theme was "Long and Short". -- Gary |
Subject: Lyr Add: TRAVELIN' MAN (Pink Anderson) From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 18 Mar 04 - 11:02 PM I do Pink Anderson's "Travelin' Man" as a talking blues. I've heard Roy Book Binder do it with a true melody, but I couldn't remember how the melody went so I just made it into a talking blues. TRAVELIN' MAN (Pink Anderson) Folks, I want to tell you 'bout a man named Bloom He come from down in New Orleans And made his living stealing chickens And anything he could see That popeyed man could run so fast That his feet wouldn't stay in the road And if a freight train passed, no matter how fast He could always get on board CHORUS He was a travelling man Certainly was a travelling man He was the most travellin'est man There ever was in the land He travelled East, he travelled West Was known for miles around And he never got caught & he never got whupped Til the police shot him down Well Bloom went down to the spring one day To fetch himself a pail of water The distance this rascal had to traverse Was approximately three miles & a quarter Now he filled up the bucket & started back Then he stumbled & fell down He ran back to the house, grabbed another bucket And caught the water b'fore it hit the ground Well the police shot him with a rifle And the bullet went thru his head The folks was comin' from miles around Just to see if that boy was dead Telegrammed down south where his mama lived She was all upset with tears She walked up & opened the coffin lid But that fool had disappeared Now Bloom was on the Titantic Ship When it was sinking low He was standing outside the railing And he had his head hung low Well the people who saw him jump overboard Said 'Get a load of that crazy fool!' But just 45 minutes after that He was shooting craps in Liverpool Now the police caught that Bloom at last They had him up to hang one day The judge leaned over, said 'My good man Do you have any last words to say?' He asked the courtroom to bow their heads To bow their heads in prayer Then he crossed one leg & winked one eye And vanished straight up in the air Bruce |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Schantieman Date: 19 Mar 04 - 05:38 AM I'm surprised no-one's mentioned the TALKING FOLK CLUB BLUES as performed by Fred Wedlock back in the seventies. Maybe it's not funny ;-) Steve |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Juniorfan Date: 05 Oct 07 - 07:11 PM Where would I find the Chords to This song? motorhomestoker@yahoo.ca |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Peace Date: 05 Oct 07 - 07:36 PM What song? |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Bill D Date: 05 Oct 07 - 07:37 PM ??? which song? You gotta say more than that. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: bobad Date: 05 Oct 07 - 07:54 PM Uncle DaveO, in regards to the song TALKING UNDERTAKER BLUES which you mentioned in your post of 18 Mar 04 - 11:55 AM , it is a Patrick Sky song entitled "TALKING SOCIALIZED ANTI-UNDERTAKER BLUES" a recording of which is included on the compilation album "Singer Songwriter Project" issued on the Electra label as EKS 7299 which also featured Bruce Murdoch, Dick Farina, and Dave Cohen. |
Subject: Lyr Add: TALKING WOODY, BOB, BRUCE & DAN BLUES From: bobad Date: 05 Oct 07 - 08:07 PM One of my favorites is: Dan Bern - TALKING WOODY, BOB, BRUCE & DAN BLUES Song Lyrics Well, when Woody Guthrie was sick and dying Bob Dylan visited him as he was lying In a hospital bed, Bob sang him songs Woody smiled and said I'm glad you come You belong here Go forth and be the voice of your generation Well, above Beverly Hills one night real late I snuck past a security gate Parked by a Mercedes Benz Climbed up a barbed wire fence and over Couple of scratches, but I'd made it To the home of Bruce Springsteen Well, I found the boss asleep in bed Pillows piled up round his head I turned on the light took off my coat Stuck a thermometer down his throat Said don't talk You look pale, Boss Not at all well I said you look bad and I asked him could he Think of us as Bob and Woody I said you just rest your pretty head As I sing to you in your hospital bed He said what the hell you talking about I ain't sick This ain't a hospital And how'd you get past the security gate? I said I wrote you a song called Song To Bruce With a tune I stole from one of yours To his platinum records next I pointed Said I just want to be anointed Springsteen, I wrote you a song 'Bout a funny ol' world that's a coming along Seems sick and it's tired it's hard and it's torn It looks like it's dying and it's hardly been born He started really looking sick And I stopped singing Then Patty his wife came in I said jeez I'm sorry about your husband's incurable disease I'm here to help any way I can You know, Woody and Bob, Bruce and Dan She said honey, what am I hearing? He said baby, you know I'm in the prime of life I said down to two million in sales last time out Read the signs, Patty He said some people think this record's my best I said shhhhh, you need your rest He said there's a madman on the loose I said Woody and Bob, Dan and Bruce He sprang out of his bed and said All right, I've heard enough of this stuff He grabbed my throat and dragged me hard Down the hall and through the yard Surprising strength for a dying man Well, he threw me out the way I come Barbed wire scraped my face and thumbs I've been thinking ever since Bob and Woody Dan and the artist formerly known as Prince Dan and Madonna Bob and Woody- Dan and Bob So long, Bel Air Howdy, Malibu You should really hear it sung for full effect, Dan does some real funny voice caricatures of Bob and Bruce. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Mr Red Date: 06 Oct 07 - 10:32 AM I once wrote a forgettable lyric called Talking Cow Blues about a lass known locally as Yappie Maggie. She wans't benign. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Big Jim from Jackson Date: 06 Oct 07 - 10:54 AM One of the early proponents of talking blues was a fellow named Robert Lunn. Robert was a regular on the Grand Ol Opry in the late '30's and early '40's. At one point he received more fan mail than any other Opry performer. Starday Records issued an LP a number of years ago, but I don't know how a person could get a copy unless some 'Catter has it and would make it available by copying it. Songster Bob mentioned in a post above that The Original "TALKING BLUES" from back in the late "20's and gave a brief quote of some of the lyrics. Robert did a "cover" of that particular song. An additional part went something like: Down in the henhouse on my knees I thought I heard a chicken sneeze. It was nothin' but the rooster sayin' his prayers, Givin' out orders to the hens upstairs. Just a preachin'; Prayin', too; Givin' out religion. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Jim Date: 06 Oct 07 - 11:16 AM I forget who wrote it, but the Renovation Talking Blues was a good one. Or how about THE ALL AMERICAN BOY? |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Warwick Slade Date: 06 Oct 07 - 11:23 AM Remember 'LIFE GETS TEEJUS, DON'T IT?' Who did that now? |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Bill D Date: 06 Oct 07 - 11:37 AM "LIFE GETS TEEJUS, DON'T IT?" was done by Doc Watson, among others. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST Date: 06 Oct 07 - 06:30 PM "TALK BACKWARDS" - by Steve Goodman "A LITTLE BIT LATE" - Lewie Wickham |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Rog Peek Date: 06 Oct 07 - 07:09 PM I'M BACKING BRITAIN TALKING BLUES by Jeremy Taylor |
Subject: Lyr Add: TALKIN' HARVEST TIME BLUES (S Davis) From: Janie Date: 06 Oct 07 - 09:05 PM Keep waitin' for somebody to mention Stephanie Davis' TALKIN' HARVEST TIME BLUES Well, it starts with a catalogue that comes in the mail In the middle of the winter, when you've had it with those pale Thick-skinned, store-bought, sorry, hard-as-rock Excuses for tomatoes with the flavor of a sock And there on the cover sits THE juicy, red, ripe Homegrown tomato you've had dancing in your head Never mind you said last August that you'd had it up to here With the hoeing and the weeding--that's what you say every year! So, you fix a cup of cocoa, sink into your favorite chair Put your feet up and you thumb through the pictures and compare Big Boys, Better Boys, Early Girls, Romas The new disease and drought-resistant hybrid from Sonoma! Then it's on to peas and carrots, lima beans and beets and kale And you've never tried kohlrabi--say, the lettuce is on sale! What's a garden without sweet corn?--better plant some marigolds And you just read in "Prevention" 'bout how garlic's good for colds! So, you phone an order in that nearly melts your Visa card Then stare out at the foot of snow that blankets your backyard And visualize your garden, oh, so peaceful and serene Until at last you close your eyes and slip into a dream about: CHORUS: Harvest time (bushels of red, ripe tomatoes!) Harvest time (sweet corn that melts in your mouth!) Well, the days turn to weeks and the next thing you know There's a robin at the feeder and the last patch of snow Disappears 'bout the time that a UPS truck Backs up to your house and you stand there, awestruck As 47 "Perishable--Plant Right Away"- Marked boxes are unloaded on your porch as you say, "Are you sure?" "Yes, ma'am, need your signature here? Looks like someone's gonna have 'em quite a garden this year!" Well, you watch him drive away, then you sink to your knees 'Cause you feel a little woozy: Forty-seven boxes--Please! God, I know I've got a problem and we've had this talk before But help me this one last time--I won't order anymore! Just then, as if in answer to your prayer, your sister's van Pulls up into the driveway with Aunt Martha, Uncle Stan, Two nephews and a cousin, who just stopped to say hello But soon are sporting calluses as up and down each row You, their warden, push 'em; it's a scene from "Cool Hand Luke": "Over there--those clods need breaking! Leave more space around that cuke! See those bags of steer manure? Bring a dozen over--fast! Yes, I know you have lumbago, but you'll thank me when at last (it's) CHORUS: Harvest time (show you what a real strawberry tastes like!) Harvest time (might even let you help me dig potatoes!) Well, that night it starts to sprinkle and you can't help feeling smug 'Cause your garden's in the ground and getting watered while you're snug Underneath the covers, or at least until midnight When the temperature starts dropping and in no time you're smack right In the middle of your garden, in your jammies, on your knees With a headlamp and a hammer and some tarps and jeez Louise It's cold but you keep working 'till the last plant's safe from harm And there's holes in your new jammies and bursitis in your arm "Cause by gosh, you're a gardener right down to your muddy clogs And even when the rabbits take your lettuce and stray dogs Pee on your zucchini and a fungus coats your kale "Cause it's rained for two weeks' solid--do you falter? Do you fail? Yep. You throw your hoe down, stamp your feet and call it quits Declare to all the neighborhood that gardening is the pits And you'll never plant another and this one can bloody rot Then suddenly the sun breaks through the clouds and, like as not You see a couple weeds you must have missed the last go-round And shake your head and meekly pick your hoe up off the ground And hoe and keep on hoeing 'till your romas dangle red, Ripe and juicy on the vine, sweet corn towers overhead, Beans hang from their trellis, big orange pumpkins sprawl about And you get that satisfying feeling once more when you shout: CHORUS: Harvest time (Break out the canning jars!) Harvest time (Man the pressure cooker!) Harvest time (You have to take zucchini--we're related!) Harvest time (Now THIS is a tomato!) Stephanie Davis Recluse Music (BMI) (970) 870-3112 All Rights Reserved |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Mike Miller Date: 07 Oct 07 - 12:47 AM Back in the day, when the Left was able to poke fun at itself, the two headed radical that was Dave VanRonk and Roy Berkeley put together a parody of The People's Songbook which they called The Boss's Songbook. It was more dangerous times for liberals. There was the HUAC and the ever popular Sen. Joseph McCarthy and his pocketful of inuendo. Still, folks, back then, were secure enough to laugh at the situation. One of the selections was a takeoff on Pete's "Talking Union Blues". As I recall it started out like this. Listen here, boy, what's this I see? It seems you're makin' more than me. It's plain to see we need a change. Let's find out what we can arrange. We need a union How 'bout the Soviet Union? |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Dave the Gnome Date: 07 Oct 07 - 10:53 AM I am trying to remember the one [TALKING FOLK CLUB BLUES] Fred Wedlock used to do (and now Spot the Dog does it)- Let me see if I can get most of it... (Bracketed) bits are asides. ....'s are forgotten bits. I was travelling down the M64 Doing a ton or maybe more When I passed a sign saying {wherever} town And said, man, I'd better slow it down. (I was developing transverse epicyclic thrust in my torque-driven condenser unit. And my horn hadn't worked in weeks.) Well, I stopped outside the nearest pub A sign outside said 'Folk-in club' Load of scruff-bums standing there Like a fashion parade from the Army surplus store. (Yea, man, hear it surp.) Well, it was so dark and smokey in there I came a cropper down the stair. Man said 'Miss a step there son?' I said 'No, I hit every bloody one' (Something about smash violence and kill the warmongers. We are having a peace riot is said aside - can't remember it.) Well, I saw a groupie standing there All bosom and bum and long blonde hair I was feeling randy and fancied a bit So I wandered over and squeezed her elbow. (I said, 'Hey, love, fancy a drink?' She said, 'You don't expect me to drink with a child do you?' I said, 'Sorry, love. Didn't know you was pregnant.' I said, 'No, seriously, what do you fancy. Cider or Guinness?' She said, 'Cider! The distillation of the forbidden fruits of Paradise. When raised to my purple stained lips doth loosen my libido and send me into realms of ethereal delights. It loosens my cosmic consciousness. Oh, yea, man' I said, 'Bloody hell! How do you rate Guinness then?' She said 'It's a drag, man. Makes me fart.') Then a man called Stefan Dyllon-Bjorn Sang this epic song .... His guitar was Japanese, I'll wager With overdrive in E-flat major. Fuel injected tuning pegs And a hole for slicing hard-boiled eggs. Played his guitar funny kind of way. With all the strings tuned up to A. (Out of tune guitar) Nearly. Then the barman started doing his bit for culture. Playing 'Sunshine of your love' On B-flat cash register and smokey-bacon maracas And I thought. This here folk music might be rubbish. But, By Jingo It's British rubbish! If I can get Spot to come on I am sure he will fill in the gaps. Cheers Dave |
Subject: Lyr Add: THE ALL AMERICAN BOY (Parsons/Lunsford) From: GUEST,Jim Date: 09 Oct 07 - 11:35 AM The All American Boy words and music by Bill Parsons and Orville Lunsford Singer on the 45 single was really future country star Bobby Bare. He'd been drafted into the Army in 1958 and left this demo behind. It was inadvertently released as being sung by one of its writers, Bill Parsons. (SPOKEN IN A SING-SONG PATTER RATHER THAN SUNG) Gather 'round, cats, and I'll tell you a story About how to become an All American Boy Buy you a gittar and put it in tune You'll be rockin' and rollin' soon. Impressin' the girls, pickin' hot licks, and all that jazz I-I bought me a gittar a year ago Learned how to play in a day or so And all around town it was well understood That I was knockin' 'em out like Johnny B. Goode Hot licks, showin' off, ah number one. Well , I 'd practice all day and up into the night My papa's hair was turnin' white Cause he didn't like rock'n'roll He said "You can stay, boy, but that's gotta go." He's a square, he just didn't dig me at all So I took my gittar, picks and all And bid farewell to my poor ole pa And I split for Memphis where they say all Them swingin' cats are havin' a ball Sessions, hot licks and all, they dig me I was rockin' and boppin' and I's a gettin' the breaks The girls all said that I had what it takes When up stepped a man with a big cigar He said "come here, cat--I'm gonnna make you a star." "I'll put you on Bandstand, buy ya a Cadillac, sign here, kid." I signed my name and became a star Havin' a ball with my gittar Driving a big long Cadillac and fightin' the girls off ma back They just kept a'comin', screamin', yeah-they like it So I'd pick my gittar with a great big grin And the money just kept on pourin' in But then one day my Uncle Sam He said (sound of 3 footsteps) "Here I am" "Uncle Sam needs you, boy I'm-a gonna cut your hair ah-Take this rifle, kid Gimme that gittar" yeah. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Art Thieme Date: 09 Oct 07 - 12:34 PM Mr. Paxton wrote "TALKING POP ART" on the day our son was born. I always appreciated that!! Art |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Wayne Date: 09 Oct 07 - 03:40 PM Tom Pacheco's TALKING GLUE is my favourite. It's on his debut album Turn Away From The Storm (1965). His BIRDSEYE HEAVEN is hilarious, too. Diolch Wayne |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GLoux Date: 09 Oct 07 - 04:07 PM I'm pretty sure "LIFE GETS TEEJUS, DON'T IT?" was written by Carson Robison and that's where Doc Watson got it... -Greg |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,jim Date: 15 Oct 07 - 06:07 PM I don't remember who sang it, but when I was a kid, my neighbours had a gramophone that played cylinder recordings and one of them was LIFE GETS TEEJUS, DON'T IT? Another was Hallelujah I'm A Bum. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: clueless don Date: 16 Oct 07 - 08:35 AM I'm rather partial to Jaime Brockett's "TALKING GREEN BERET NEW SUPER YELLOW HYDRAULIC BANANA TEENY BOPPER BLUES" myself. Don |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,The Magician Date: 12 Apr 10 - 08:31 AM I was sittin' with ma guitar playing the blues, see the mailman comin' he was bringin' bad news. It said "Get on out of that civilian rut we got a vacant bunk in an army hut". Being a man of few words I didn't say much; I just fainted. When I came too I told Ma an' Dad they didn't seem to take it so bad, Dad said "Son, you'll get by, just keep ya boots polished and ya powder dry", Went to the station to catch the train said "G'bye" to Ma, Pa, and Jane Jane said she'd Wait till all hell froze; sure must've been a cold winter. Got t'other end without any harm was met by a feller with MP on his arm, sure didn't look like no member of parliament ta me. He said "Hey you thar country hick, you lookin' for [I'VE FORGOTTEN THE REST CAN ANYBODY HELP???] |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Whitby fan Date: 07 May 11 - 12:08 PM Does anyone have the lyrics to The Flat Pack Furniture Blues please. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Beer Date: 07 May 11 - 12:31 PM Jerry Jeff Walker RAMBLIN', SCRAMBLIN' Tryin' to get my mind untangled.... Ain't never seen nothin' in the whole wide world That give more trouble than to try 'n love a girl. ad. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Rocky Folkrocker Date: 06 Feb 13 - 11:41 AM The best has got to be "LIFE GETS TEEJUS, DON'T IT?" |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: GUEST,Musket sans cookie Date: 06 Feb 13 - 12:19 PM Mike Harding's TALKIN' BLACKPOOL BLUES always made me chuckle. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Bettynh Date: 08 Feb 13 - 12:40 PM When I searched my Itunes for talking blues, Gamble Roger's "CAPE CANAVERAL TALKING BLUES" popped up. You can listen to a sample here. Click on the jukebox, it's on the album "Oklawaha County Laissez-Faire." The words are a bit dated but lordy that man could play a guitar. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: kendall Date: 08 Feb 13 - 05:08 PM I recorded LIFE GETS TEEJUS, DON'T IT? on Folk Legacy back in 1974 I think it was. I learned it from Carson Robison. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Fossil Date: 08 Feb 13 - 07:05 PM "TALKING GUITAR BLUES" by the great Lonnie Donegan. Still in my repertoire for open mic nights and still gets laughs. Has one of the best lines ever, I reckon:- "...my pa, he took it a different way, said - you c'n turn yer ma's hair grey, drive yer sister away from home, but you or me boy, gonna roam, and I ain't leaving - you work it out..." |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: voyager Date: 09 Feb 13 - 11:49 AM For consideration by the Academy - MOOSE TURD PIE (U. Utah Phillips) and my own original Talking Blues - TALKIN' SCOUTMASTER BLUES voyager |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: kendall Date: 09 Feb 13 - 12:39 PM Utah did MOOSE TURD PIE as a story. I did it as a song which I learned from Joe Hickerson |
Subject: Lyr Add: TALKING HARD WORK (Woody Guthrie) From: Jim Dixon Date: 17 Dec 17 - 01:25 PM This is spoken over guitar accompaniment, but there seems to be no connection between the rhythm of the spoken words and the music. Placement of the line breaks is kind of arbitrary, but I tried to put them where Woody punctuates his speech with little pauses or inflections. TALKING HARD WORK As recorded by Woody Guthrie While we're on the subject of hard work, I just want to say that I always was a man to work. I was born working and worked my way up by hard work. I ain't never got nowhere yet, but I got there by hard work, work of the hardest kind. I've been down and I've been out. I've been disgusted and busted and I couldn't be trusted. I worked my way up and I worked my way down. I've been drunk and I've been sober, and I've been baptized and I got hijacked. I've been robbed for cash and I've been robbed on the credit. Worked my way in jail and I worked my way out of jail. Woke up a lot of mornings, didn't know where I was at. The hardest work I ever done was when I was trying to get myself a worried woman to help ease my worried mind. I'm gonna tell you just how much work I had to do to get this woman I was telling you about. I shook hands with 97 of her kinfolks and her blood-relatives and I done the same with 86 people that was just her friends and her neighbors. I kissed 73 babies and I put dry pants on 34 of them as well as others. Done the same thing several times as well as a lot of other things just about like this. I held 125 wild horses and I put saddles and bridles on more than that. I harnessed some of the craziest and wildest teams in that whole country. I rode 14 loco broncos to a standstill and I let 42 hound dogs lick me all over. Seven times I was bit by hungry dogs and I was chewed all to pieces by water moccasins and rattlesnakes on 2 river bottoms. I chopped and I carried 314 armloads of stove-wood, 109 buckets of coal, Carried a gallon of kerosene 18 miles over the mountains, Got lost, Lost a good pair of shoes in a mud-hole, And I chopped and I weeded 48 rows of short cotton, Thirteen acres of bad corn, I cut the sticker-weeds out of 11 back yards, All on account of 'cause I wanted to show her I was a man that liked to work. I cleaned out 9 barn lofts, cranked 31 cars, all makes and models, Pulled three cars out of mud-holes and 4 or 5 out of snowdrifts. I dug 5 cisterns of water for some of her friends, Run all kinds of errands. Played the fiddle for 9 church meetings, I joined 11 separate denominations. I joined up and I signed up with 7 of the best trade unions I could find. Paid my dues six months in advance. I waded 48 miles of swamps and 6 big rivers. Walked across 2 ranges of mountains, crossed 3 deserts. I got the fever, sunstroke, malaria, flu, moonstruck, skeeter-bit, poison ivy, seven-year itch, and the blind staggers. I was give up for lost and dead a couple of times, Struck by lightning, struck by Congress, struck by friends and kinfolks as well as by 3 cars on highways and a lot of times, people's hen-houses. I've been hit and run down, run over, and walked on, knocked around. I'm just setting here now trying to study up what else I can do to show that woman I still ain't afraid of hard work. |
Subject: Lyr Add: TALKIN' ALIEN ABDUCTION BLUES (Dan Bern) From: Jim Dixon Date: 17 Dec 17 - 06:12 PM TALKIN' ALIEN ABDUCTION BLUES As recorded by Dan Bern on "dog boy van" (1997) I don't know what made me go out that night. At that hour I'd normally been in bed, But I found myself lookin' up at the sky At a very bright light straight overhead. It flashed green, And then red: Santy Claus colors. I stood there frozen in that light, Then I started hearin' this kind of a whir. The lights got louder and the noise got brighter [sic] And I felt a sudden chill. Brr! It was cold. Shouldn't 'a' gone out without a coat. My mom was right again. This big ol' spaceship floated down And hovered three feet above the earth. Never been so scared in all o' my life. Could 'a' given spontaneous birth, If I was a woman, And pregnant. Well, these two little guys about four feet tall Jumped off this space-age Greyhound bus. They grabbed me by the arms and said: "Start walkin', Dan; you're comin' with us." Abduction! They didn't actually speak but I understood 'em. Telepathy! They strapped me down in this metal crate, Took out this thirty-five-foot-long hose. They said: "Don't worry; this won't hurt," Then they stuck that sucker up my nose: All the way up! I knew my nose was long but this was a surprise. They examined me from head to toe, Stuck prods in ev'ry orifice. This coal-gray box come gave me a kiss And extracted a couple o' quarts o' piss. I felt dehydrated. Then they waved this wand all round my brain, Said: "Now we're readin' your brain, you see. You got an awful lot o songs in there. It seems they're all in the key o' G." "So what about 'Marilyn?' That's in D." They said: "D-flat, actually." I said: "Well, yeah, 'cause I tuned down a half-step. What about 'Hannibal'?" They said: "What about 'Hannibal'?" I said: "Well, technically it's in G but it's really a drop-D tuning capoed up." They said: "How come you don't play the harmonica more?" I said: "How come I'm in a spaceship talkin' to aliens about my act?" They said: "We'd rather talk physics but you're illiterate there." I couldn't argue. They dropped me someplace in Brazil. Took a month to get back to the USA. When I told my friends what I'd been through, No one believed what I had to say. That sucked. It's to be expected though; most people think "Hannibal's" in straight tuning. Well. my life's back to normal now. I do the things I always do. But once a week I meet with twelve other folks Who've been abducted too. I tell my story. They tell theirs. I don't believe them though. |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: ketchdana Date: 18 Dec 17 - 01:31 AM Don't know about funniest. More of a "so true", from the sixties. Talking "FOLK GUITAR PLUS" Blues Well, a lady on the TV screen named Laura Claimed she could teach me to play the guitar-a, Could do it, in fact, without much fuss If I'd watch her program, "Folk Guitar Plus". (plus banjo . . . plus recorder . . . not to mention the auto-harp.) So I sent for the book, followed along, Played "Aunt Rhody", mostly wrong, But I kept right at it, day and night. Only took a month to get it right. (Life of the party now . . . If only someone would request Aunt Rhody.) The songs and the pickin' gets complicated But I wait for each show with breath all bated, 'Cause just when I'm ready to give up tryin', She smiles and says "You're doin' fine." (A little more pressure there . . . That's goo-, uh, better.) I'm learning to pick the syncopated strum And tie together chords, runs with the thumb. Even readin' that tablature, But my fingers are sore, that's for sure. (Look, Ma, hammerin' on . . . Now Ma, there's no call to say that.) Someday I'll be a guitar player But folk guitarists are no longer rare. You meet them everywhere you go, 'Cause a million other people are watchin' that show. (Don't know any mor'n they do . . . Nor any less.) |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: Tattie Bogle Date: 18 Dec 17 - 04:48 PM I'd have to nominate one of my friends, Jim Weatherston, of Newtongrange Folk Club - don't have all the words, nor can I remember them all, but always had us in stitches (sutures?) for his "Talking Pharmacy Blues"! Will see if he'll release the lyrics to the Mudcat world! |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: keberoxu Date: 18 Dec 17 - 07:41 PM I've heard Woody Guthrie's recording of Talking [Blues] Hard Work. There is only one place, Jim Dixon et alia, where Guthrie's delivery of the words is emphatically coordinated with the guitar strumming (mostly I V I chords, in the major mode). To emphasize each disclosure, Guthrie marches the terms, one term at a time, through rhythmic guitar strumming. So that one special line of text sounds like: (I - got - the) Fever! Sunstroke! Malaria! Flu! Moonstruck! Skeeter [mosquito?] - bit! Poison Ivy! Seven-Year Itch! -- and - the - Blind Staggers! (guitar goes on strumming during significant pause for breath) I haven't heard it in years and years, but that bit right there is the part I remember best to this day. |
Subject: Lyr Add: TALKIN' KARATE BLUES (Townes Van Zandt) From: Jim Dixon Date: 24 Dec 17 - 12:37 AM Somebody (I can't remember who) recommended this, and I expected I would like it, because I've liked several other songs by TVZ, but I must say, I'm disappointed with the way this descends into racial stereotypes. I think he even mixes up Japanese with Chinese stereotypes. I wouldn't recommend performing this song without doing some major surgery on it. TALKIN' KARATE BLUES As recorded by Townes Van Zandt on "For the Sake of the Song" (2007) Well, I ain't very big for twenty-one, An' it seems like I never could have any good clean fun, 'Cause ev'ry time I'd go outside, some great big ol' bully'd come along, An' he'd hit me in the face an' he'd knock me to the ground, An' he'd start to kickin' me all around, An' that ain't exactly fair, friends; that's wrong. So I got me a paper the other night, An' I crawled up on the sofa an' I turned on the light, An' I flipped through the pages till I found the classified ads. Said: "Take karate from Lee Hung Chow. Man, make your first appointment now. This course is guaranteed to make you bad." Well, the next day I drove to the address, An' by the Japanese design I was real impressed. It looked like a reg'lar House o' the Rising Sun. I walked inside; I was all alone. I had a nervous feelin' down in my bones. I's kind o' sorry I'd ever even come. Then a giant Jap came through the door. He must 'a' been at least 'bout seven foot four, An' he looked like he's prone to easy aggravation. He said: "Lee Hung Chow, ah kee dung!" That's Japanese for "Fee fie fo fum." I tried to explain my entire situation. He said: "Number one course, Yankee: self-defense. Two hundred dollars an' twenty-five cents." I said: "Uh, what's the twenty-five cents for?" an' he said: "Repairs." I said: "Repairs to what?" 'n' he said: "To you." An' I thought to myself: "Man, that won't do." I felt about a half-inch tall underneath that ol' slanted stare. Oh, you think he was yella. I said: "I b'lieve I better go check another place." He said: "Ah so! Yankee don't like my race." I said: "Now, there's a mistake, man, an' that's true. Well, I been for you Japanese all along. You Japanese just can't do no wrong, An' I thought you got a mighty dirty deal in World War Two." Well, he grabbed me by the hand an' he gave a heave, An' I figured there's a pretty good time to leave, Before he had a chance to do me any definite harm, But m' plan worked out in the end, you see. Now no bully's gonna pick on me. Who's gonna hit a fella with just one arm? |
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song From: leeneia Date: 26 Dec 17 - 11:10 AM 'The Chicken Cordon Blues' recorded, and perhaps written by Steve Goodman. It's about a guy who's unhappy because his sweetie wants him to be a vegetarian. |
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