BS: A poem by Spaw???

Subject: A poem by Spaw???
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 31 Jan 01 - 07:37 PM

This is exciting!

In an old curio shop in Memphis, I found an old magazine. It certainly wasn't the type of mag that I, khandu, would subscribe to; however, having never heard of it before, I purchased it. It was an oddly put-together mag, very limp. It was titled "LESSER MEN- the magazine for the not-so-well endowed". This issue was dated 11-79 and featured "Readers Responses".

I came across this poem near the front of the mag. It was written by "Anon. from Ohio".

It sounds like Spaw to me!

Spaw, you are a wonderful poet! You should share your poetry with your fellow Catters!

ODE TO MY PHALLUS

O Phallus, my phallus, why art thou so teeny?

T'would be a Prize, if ye were even half the size

Of an Oscar Meyer weinie.

O phallus my phallus, why art thou so teeny

They taught me much, they taught me well

To mine own self be true

To do my own thing

Alas, my own thing is much too little to do

O Phallus my phallus why art thou so wee

T'would give me much pleasure if thou wouldst only measure

At least two inches, or three

O Phallus, my Phallus

Why art thou so wee

I saw her there, so beautiful and fair

I was filled with desire

To stoke her lust into a bright flame,

Into a raging fire.

Sweet words, wine ,and poetry

Music so soft,

Surely that would do the trick

She giggled and tittered

Then she guffawed

"I've not even seen a candle with such a small wick!"

Have I angered the ancients, those powerful gods

Who created this kit'n'kaboodle

That they should give others such wonderful rods

And leave me with this pitiful noodle.

O Phallus, my Phallus

Why art thou so damned short! The End

I, khandu, of course, cannot relate to the problem expressed in the poem. Yet, I am moved by his sense of futility and inadequacy.

You are good, Spaw.

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Jan 01 - 07:52 PM

ROTFLMAO!!!!!! I wrote it just for you my friend .... And of course there is no one who knows more about futility and inadequacy than you, so I am honored!

BTW, have you been back and checked in on THIS THREAD?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: Banjer
Date: 31 Jan 01 - 07:52 PM

Damn 'Spaw, sounds like even after a double dose of Viagra you could still walk into a wall and break your nose!

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 Jan 01 - 09:16 PM

Pat, perhaps during your upcoming surgery you can find a higher... uhhhmmm, LOWER use for that extra bone you were going to use to make me that autoharp hammer I requested.

As long as you're on the table I mean...

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: Kim C
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 03:39 PM

oh my heavens! ;)

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:14 PM

Hey come on, Spaw, Joe Clark knows MORE about futility and inadequacy than both of you put together!

"Joe who?" you ask.

Hah! You don't know the half of it. It's a Canadian thing, eh?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: Kim C
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 12:13 PM

Joe Clark, like in OLD Joe Clark.

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: Pseudolus
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 12:30 PM

Banjer,

My nose would like to thank you for the rush of pepsi it got while I read your post.....very funny...

Frank

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: GUEST,Melani
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 02:13 PM


It's true that I have never saw

A poem quite like this from Spaw...

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 02:43 PM

Bravo, Khandu...well-done!! LMAO

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: hesperis
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 03:10 PM

Spaw, I am in awe of your inad loquacity.

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 05:05 PM

I'm sure its khandu who has all the loquacity as a compensation for the envy he feels over his own inadequacy. He knows that in the department of joint endowments, I am better funded and indeed just recently purchased the "Super 2000 Roll-A-Matic" to store "Joe Smackers" when the lad is not in use. The nice feature here is the drag setting on the reel which keeps my tool from falling into the water when whizzing off a high bridge. Actually, the water isn't too bad but when Joe sinks to the bottom and gets muddy....well, that's a real mess which the reel drag can prevent.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 05:07 PM

And here I thought he was only long enough to warrant a tripod to prop him up on!

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: flattop
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 11:19 PM

Billy Joe MacAllister didn't jump off of the Tallahatchie Bridge. Prior to buying his Super 2000 Roll-A-Matic, Spaw used to stow Joe Smackers in a large coil on bridges when he whizzed off of them. Billy Joe was walking across the bridge and accidentally stepped into the coiled up Joe Smackers. He was struggling to extricate his foot from Mr. Smackers when Spaw lost his grip. Smackers' excessive weight pulled the coil with Billy Joe still tangled up in it, right over the side of the bridge. After a massive recovery effort involving fire and rescue departments from at least five counties, Joe Smackers was returned to Spaw in almost perfect condition, but poor Billy Joe was never seen or heard from again.

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 11:19 PM

Another verse from Spaw: "I could stand in Ohio and screw a Croation If my rod was one tenth the size of my imagination."

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 01 - 11:04 PM

Yon Khandu doth assert too greatly,
(At least it's been too much just lately)
And we can scarcely but conclude
From his assertions, crass and rude,
That rather than give him a smack,
We should pity his unspoken lack
And understand that such projection
Must speak to Khandu's Khant-erection.
It's very clear from Khandu's 'slant'
That what's revealed is Khandu's Khan't.
And thereby hangs the tale, quite simply,
Though (Khandu has confessed) quite limply.

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 11:19 AM

guess THAT showed 'em by Gar!!

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 12:02 PM

Amos, that wasn't nice!

But excellently done! LMAO!!!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 01:40 PM

Our greatest poet and lyricist dishes out another masterpiece!!! Khandu, you and I should BOTH be honored by this effort!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: Katcina
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 03:29 PM

Thank you Khandu. I now have to go buy another $* can of keyboard cleaner to get the Coke out of it. Katc

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: Biskit
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 03:36 PM

WELL DONE Amos!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 08:04 PM

AMEN, Spaw, AMEN! Amos, I applaud you!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: A poem by Spaw???
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 12:30 AM