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BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)

Mark Cohen 03 May 01 - 12:14 AM
Art Thieme 02 May 01 - 11:58 PM
Mark Cohen 02 May 01 - 07:55 PM
mousethief 02 May 01 - 04:17 PM
GUEST,PatJoe 02 May 01 - 04:08 PM
Micca 02 May 01 - 12:55 PM
Grab 02 May 01 - 11:49 AM
mousethief 02 May 01 - 11:25 AM
Mary in Kentucky 02 May 01 - 11:21 AM
Wolfgang 02 May 01 - 09:06 AM
Naemanson 02 May 01 - 08:40 AM
Mark Cohen 02 May 01 - 01:26 AM
Bill D 01 May 01 - 06:41 PM
Hillheader 01 May 01 - 02:39 PM
LR Mole 01 May 01 - 11:33 AM
Jim Dixon 01 May 01 - 10:44 AM
John P 01 May 01 - 08:59 AM
Troll 01 May 01 - 08:46 AM
Dave the Gnome 01 May 01 - 06:57 AM
CRANKY YANKEE 01 May 01 - 06:15 AM
CRANKY YANKEE 01 May 01 - 06:06 AM
Wolfgang 01 May 01 - 05:40 AM
CRANKY YANKEE 01 May 01 - 05:11 AM
CRANKY YANKEE 01 May 01 - 05:01 AM
English Jon 01 May 01 - 04:56 AM
CRANKY YANKEE 01 May 01 - 04:40 AM
Wolfgang 01 May 01 - 04:21 AM
Chip2447 30 Apr 01 - 11:55 PM
Abby Sale 30 Apr 01 - 11:51 PM
Bill D 30 Apr 01 - 07:26 PM
kendall 30 Apr 01 - 07:25 PM
Lanfranc 30 Apr 01 - 07:04 PM
Art Thieme 30 Apr 01 - 07:00 PM
mousethief 30 Apr 01 - 06:35 PM
Frug 30 Apr 01 - 06:32 PM
Uncle_DaveO 30 Apr 01 - 06:11 PM
Jim Dixon 30 Apr 01 - 12:48 PM
GUEST,an is guy 30 Apr 01 - 12:45 PM
grannyjan 30 Apr 01 - 12:42 PM
mousethief 30 Apr 01 - 12:34 PM
Jim Dixon 30 Apr 01 - 12:29 PM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 30 Apr 01 - 09:41 AM
Dave the Gnome 30 Apr 01 - 09:37 AM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 30 Apr 01 - 09:15 AM
Micca 30 Apr 01 - 08:45 AM
Naemanson 30 Apr 01 - 06:33 AM
GUEST,Crazy Eddie 30 Apr 01 - 12:31 AM
Dani 29 Apr 01 - 09:44 PM
GUEST,an is guy 29 Apr 01 - 07:44 PM
sophocleese 29 Apr 01 - 06:45 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 03 May 01 - 12:14 AM

Oh, Lordy, Art, that reminds me of the line that reportedly got Soupy Sales thrown off the air.

Soupy, holding up a big card with the letter A on it: "White Fang, what's this letter?"
White Fang: "A."
Soupy: "Very good!"
White Fang gets a few more letters correct.
Soupy, holding up an F: "Great! Now, White Fang, what's this letter?"
WF: "K."
Soupy: "No, White Fang, try again. What is this letter?"
WF: "K."
Soupy: "White Fang, how come every time I show you an F, you see K?"

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Art Thieme
Date: 02 May 01 - 11:58 PM

I suspect one could call a one-legged mongoloid person from Poland a Polaroid One-Step.

There was a pun I can't remember very well that involved Spanish and English. An American is trying to buy some socks in Mexico and asks a man on the street where to find them. And the answer he gets is something like, "Eso si que es."--------Of course that spells socks---S-O-C-K-S. This leads to a misunderstanding that's like a mini version of Abbott & Costello's bit about "WHOSE ON FIRST?"-----Does anyone know what "Eso si que es" means in Spanish ????

Art Thieme


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 02 May 01 - 07:55 PM

Mary, it's Nittany Lions. Except in the College of Home Economics, I imagine.

Aloha,
Mark (a graduate of Penn State's College of Medicine, which is actually in Hershey, nowhere near Mt. Nittany and Happy Valley.)
(Not meaning to sound Paternolistic, of course)


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: mousethief
Date: 02 May 01 - 04:17 PM

I sure hope nobody steals my bowels. They move a lot, though.

Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: GUEST,PatJoe
Date: 02 May 01 - 04:08 PM

Folks this is a fable, it probably didn't happen, but read it anyway for the moral.

A certain Mr. Chan lived near the forest with his wife and little daughter Go Lee Bok. Mr. Chan had a collection of fine teak bowels. One day Mrs. Chan used some of the teak bowels to serve porridge. When Mr. Chan tried to eat the porridge he said "it's too hot". The same thing happened when Go Lee Bok tried the porridge. So Mrs. Chan suggested that they all take a walk while the porridge cooled. While they were gone a small bear entered their home and ate some of the porridge. It was so delicious he took the bowels and ran of into the forest. When the family returned and Mr. Chan discovered that his teak bowels were missing, he called the police. The police investigated and they found the foot prints of the bear. "A small bear stole your bowels" said the policeman, "see the footprints are no larger than those of a boy". The moral is; close the door when you go out. If the door wasn't open in this story, the police would not have to be looking for that boy foot bear with the teaks of Chan.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Micca
Date: 02 May 01 - 12:55 PM

Why do anarchists drink only fruit or herb teas???





Because proper tea is theft!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Grab
Date: 02 May 01 - 11:49 AM

Davebhoy, anyone working in electronics will know that there is a respected instrumentation-making company called Wayne-Kerr. If you don't believe me... Some ppl really don't think about these things, do they?

Graham.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: mousethief
Date: 02 May 01 - 11:25 AM

Speaking of bilingual puns.

You have heard, no doubt, of the two cats who went out in a rowboat, and were standing up and rocking the boat and all manner of unseamanlike things. A french poodle happened by in a punt, and said, "Yoo seelee cats! Eef yoo do not seet dauwn queeklee, yoo weel seenk befaure I can cauwnt to five!"

an' de twa cat sank.

Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 02 May 01 - 11:21 AM

Khandu - here's a clicky to Spaw's Ode to Billy Joe pun. You might notice that I was one of the ones who bit hard! Spaw's outrageous Ode to Billy Joe pun that caught a lot of us hook, line and sinker!

Wolfgang - I love crossword puzzles and have often wondered how anyone could possibly work one in another language.

CRANKY YANKEE and Bill - I somehow remember the porpoise pun as having something to do with Pennsylvania Knitney Lions, transporting gulls, and immortal porpoises.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Wolfgang
Date: 02 May 01 - 09:06 AM

And for us, Bill, the main aim was to make a joke about Kohl who was not very good in foreign languages, neither in pronounciation nor in understanding. That has a long tradition in Germany, making jokes about our politicians' bad English I mean, starting with poor old president Luebke who at the end of his presidency was rather close to dementia.

He supposedly once was sitting aside the Queen (when she came over to Germany for a visit) in an opera house and said to here immediately before the music started: 'Equal goes it loose."

Wolfgang


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Naemanson
Date: 02 May 01 - 08:40 AM

I am an incorrigible punster so... don't incorrige me!


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 02 May 01 - 01:26 AM

Another cross-language pun, that I think I made up in college: There's a line in a Jacques Brel song, "La Prochaine Amour", that goes: "Un homme averti en vaut deux." The obvious English translation? "Forewarned is four-armed."

And one from Dr. Samuel Johnson himself: There was once a painting of an Abbott who was lying dead in a field, with (as the good doctor put it) "a Lilly growing out of his A***" The motto written across the bottom of the painting read: "Habe Mortem Prae Oculis" -- in other words, "Have Death Before Thine Eyes". However, it could also be read as a literal description of the picture: "Abbe Mort en Pre, au Cul Lis."

One of the masters of the cross-language pun was the late Anthony Burgess. But the greatest of them all, in my opinion, was James Joyce. When Joyce was asked his opinion of Sigmund Freud, by someone who no doubt expected a discourse on psychology and literature, he merely replied, "I think it is very interesting that we have the same name."

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Bill D
Date: 01 May 01 - 06:41 PM

Wolfgang! I got that one..it is wonderful! And my wife, Ferrara, who is VERY good at languages looked at me blankly for about two beats when I told it to her....then broke up! (It is a pun on two levels, folks...not simply a beer reference)


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Hillheader
Date: 01 May 01 - 02:39 PM

Crazy Eddie

Sorry if I upset anyone. I know the police anywhere can be a bit oversensitive, but shooting someone for having Araldite is a bit much!

John B and Sophocleese

Don't be too crotchety - I'm sure it will all end in a minum or two and or we'll all be quavering wrecks.

A true story.

The computer company WANG moved to Scotland and recruited staff locally. At the very first training course the Japanese trainer said that he wanted everyone to answer the phone in exactly the same way by giving the company name, their own surname then their Department.

John Kerr refused saying Wang,Kerr Sales did not project the correct corporate image!

Another true story. I once knew someone called Mervyn Dyer who was Welsh. He answered the phone simply by saying "Dyer 'ere" and could never understand why people laughed.

Davebhoy


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: LR Mole
Date: 01 May 01 - 11:33 AM

Yankee: He ate fish just for the halibut? Long as he didn't do it on porpoise. Probably a Pisces, working for scale. Elvis' "Wooden Heart"was called "Muss I denn" in German, if my Classical HX Deutsch has held, and was done by one Joe Dowell (one-hitter, I guess).
LRMole, from across the Bay.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 May 01 - 10:44 AM

A friend of mine actually performed a couple of times in an all-male contra band which they called the Testostertones. For years we have been suggesting that someone start an all-female band called the Boom Chicks, but no one has taken us up on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: John P
Date: 01 May 01 - 08:59 AM

Jim, a bransle is type of dance tune, usually played in France, often on the hurdy-gurdy. It is pronounced the same as brawl.

Cranky Yankee, with a name like that you should take up the hurdy-gurdy. Please read my posts again, keeping the subject of this thread in mind. Thanks.

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Troll
Date: 01 May 01 - 08:46 AM

Princess Lura of Ruritania was on her honeymoon in Russia as the guest of the Tsar. One day she and her husband, Prince Alexey, spent the day alose in a walled garden "sunbathing" and that night she discovered that she had a terrible all-over sunburn.
The next morning they were to go on a horseback tour of the Ural Mountains and the Princess knew that she could never ride that far. The sunburn was much too painful>
What to do? As a royal Princess, she could not tell the Tsar what was really wrong. The subject was just too delicate.
On the other hand, while she could say she was ill, she knew that it was wrong to lie, so she was caught on the horns of a quandry.
She had just decided that she would simply have to go on the tour when her husband came in. As she told him of her decision, he stood gazing at her blistered buttocks and thighs, shaking his head.

"Tour all Ural Lura? Too raw Lura. Lie.

troll


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 01 May 01 - 06:57 AM

...and when they dug up the grave of Ludwig Von Beethoven they found the man himself crossing out all his music.

"Whatcher doing, Ludwig?" they asked

"Just decomposing..."

DtG


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: CRANKY YANKEE
Date: 01 May 01 - 06:15 AM

Some tourists were visiting an exhibit of Ludwig Van Beethoven memarobilia. One piece in the exhibit was a piano stool with three little Feces piled on it.

One of the tourists pointed at it and asked a guide, "What is that?"

"THAT", replied the guide, "IS BEETHOVEN'S LAST MOVEMENT"


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: CRANKY YANKEE
Date: 01 May 01 - 06:06 AM

Hey Woolfie:

Do You know more than one verse of "Musich Den"? The one Elvis Presley used the tune from for, "Wooden Heart"

(So I don't know how to spell in German)

Do you know why German Music goes, "Oooohm-pa, ooohm-pa, ooohm-pa"?

Its because you can't sustain a note on a word ending in "Ichk"


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Wolfgang
Date: 01 May 01 - 05:40 AM

Yes, English Jon, "ein Helles" (pronounciation rather close to 'health') would be "a light beer", "ein Dunkles" would be "a dark beer".

Wolfgang


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: CRANKY YANKEE
Date: 01 May 01 - 05:11 AM

I knew guy who hated figh, but, he ate it just for the hallibut.

(variation of one above)
He also hated sea birds, threw rocks at them and left no tern unstoned.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: CRANKY YANKEE
Date: 01 May 01 - 05:01 AM

Hey John B. If you don't approve, why did you click on to this thread? The title says it's not about music. Looks to me like you're looking for reasons to yell at someone. And, so far down the list of puns, too.
Aren't musicians allowed to be punny.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: English Jon
Date: 01 May 01 - 04:56 AM

Dunkel being dark.. Hel therefore light beer?


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: CRANKY YANKEE
Date: 01 May 01 - 04:40 AM

A man telegraph his pal , "THE BOYS WANT TO GO DUCK HUNTING STOP GET TWO PUNTS AND A CANOE END

The answer comes back, GOT THE GIRLS NOW WHAT THE HELL IS A PANOE END


Setting is Tombstone, Arizona.
Dog walks into a saloon and orders a beer.
One of the other patrons shouts, "WE DON'T ALLOW DOGS IN HERE", pulls out a pistol and shoots the dog in the foot. "Yike, yipe, yike, whine"The dog limps out of the saloon and goes home. When the wound heals, he spends days and days, turning into weeks and months learning to fast draw and shoot accurately" Finally he decides his skills are about as good as they are ever likely to become

He straps on a gun belt with a 44Magnum in the holster, slams open the swinging doors of the saloon and barks, "I'M LOOKIN' FOR THE GUY THAT SHOT MY PAW".


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Wolfgang
Date: 01 May 01 - 04:21 AM

Art,

the only thing more difficult than understanding puns in a foreign language is doing crossword puzzles. Actually I read some of them here to test my knowledge of English. I understand up to a third of the puns here. Lack of cultural background that is like not knowing citations from the bible or Shakespeare or famous lines from advertisments.

So you want to read one that you cannot understand though it is told in English (there are some jokes that Germans tell in English for the sake of the pun; the background knowledge to get it, however, is firmly rooted in German)?

When chancellor Kohl went over to Britain to meet prime minister Thatcher he said he'd like to go to a pub for recreation. Maggie said she'd love to join him and they both went to the local pub. Maggie ordered a Guinness and Helmut ordered a lager. Maggie raised her glass and said: "To your health!" Helmut responded: "To your dunkelth".

Wolfgang


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Chip2447
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 11:55 PM

The Lone Ranger, sans Tonto, was captured by an irate group of Indians. The Chief, being a fair and just man gave the lone ranger one wish before he was to be killed. The Ranger thought for a moment and asked to speak to his horse as his last wish.

The Chief thought this odd but a deal was a deal, we wasnt going to be known as an indian giver.

The Lone Ranger whispered into Silver's ear. The white horse, in classic cinematic style, reared and bolted off in the direction of the fort.

Just as the masked man was about to meet his doom, Silver gallops back into the encampment, a beautiful redhead astride the saddle.

When the Lone Ranger sees this he shouts, "YOU STUPID HORSE, I SAID 'GO FETCH THE POSSEE!!!"

Chip2447


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Abby Sale
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 11:51 PM

Yes, Ferdinand Feghoot certainly was the greatest of all travelers in time and space. Once in 1840 he stopped in to see his friend, a great chief of the Cheyenne. The chief was a paragon of the Cheyenne Way and had counted many, many coup in his days. His coup sticks covered his tent, up the walls and strung across the whole top of the tepee.

Suddenly a fierce thunder storm arose as only are seen in the vast plains of America - lightning blast followed lightning blast and the massive crashes of thunder seemed uninterrupted and endless.

Amazingly, however, inside the tent all was calm, nearly silent.

Feghoot was stunned - "How can this be, Chief? How can it be so quiet in here?"

The chief simply pointed up and said, "Acoustical ceiling."


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 07:26 PM

I had a nice old dog...but he died. I though I would write an ode to his memory as a tribute, but it turned out to be doggerel.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: kendall
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 07:25 PM

I was just watching a tv program on spiders. The only time I ever heard one speak, it said, "Time is fun when you're having flies."


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Lanfranc
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 07:04 PM

In the depths of the English countryside, there stood an ancient coaching inn. Like many of its ilk, it was at the top of a hill, and was called "The Cock", because it was there that an extra horse (the cock horse) was stabled to be hired to any carter or stagecoach that needed extra power to get up the hill.

The landlord of this hostelry had an old dog, by name Dobbin, who had an eventful life, full of incident and accident. In one accident, he was run over by a car which severed his tail at the root.

The vet who stitched up his other wounds declined to reattach the severed tail, saying that it was not worthwhile with such an old dog. Now, in some breeds, Wiemeraners, for example, a docked tail is a desirable attribute, but for this mongrel it was something of a handicap. Now no-one, landlord or customer, could tell when he was happy.

The dog's master was about to consign the redundant appendage to the dustbin, when he had a thought. He went round to the local taxidermist and had him preserve the tail, which he then attached to the wall of the public bar on a pivot, with a length of stout cord tied to one end leading down to where Dobbin could reach it.

The old dog was then trained to pull the string when he was happy (which was most of the time, for he was a well-fed pet), and the tail wagged away on the wall.

The news of this amusing trick sped far and wide, and trade at the pub was significantly boosted by the tourists and others who travelled far and wide to witness it.

Unfortunately, the old dog's days were numbered, and it was not long after that he tried to run in front of his last car. Humiliatingly, the vehicle that ultimately cost him his life was a Reliant Robin - he forgot about the third wheel in the middle!

Well, Dobbin had been a good dog, in his mongrel way, and, as with all good dogs, his soul winged its way to canine Heaven. However, there was a snag, Canine St Peter informed him that tail-less mongrels could not be admitted through the canine pearly gates. Dobbin's shade could either return to the place where his tail was and bring it back with him to gain admission, or spend eternity in canine purgatory.

So the ghost of Dobbin returned early in the morning to the Cock, which was, needless to say, by that time firmly closed. He whined and scratched on the door to attract his former master's attention.

The landlord woke, and went to the door. He opened it and the doggy ghost rushed in an jumped against the wall where his tail was still pinned. The landlord realised at once what the problem was, but shook his head sadly.

"Dobbin", he said, "after all these years you ought to know that I can't re-tail spirits after hours!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Art Thieme
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 07:00 PM

Hey, how about some of you Germans or Poles or French or Chinese speaking folks posting your puns for all of us English speakers to look at even though we can't make head or tale out of 'em. It must be pretty frustrating to you folks who are trying to make some sense out of these pun threads. Am I right---or off the mark ?!? If you're there Wolfgang, let us know.

Art Thieme


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: mousethief
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 06:35 PM

Oy. Have we stooped so low? Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Hob: "At the gun show, we saw a Winchester, a Colt, and a Mattababy."

Nob: "What's a Mattababy?"

Hob: "Nothin', baby, what's-a-matta wit chu?"

------

Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Frug
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 06:32 PM

A frog walks into the Allied Irish Bank and goes to the cashier Paddy Maconnell. I'd like to borrow £5000 please said the frog. Paddy Maconnell was very taken aback and said it's not as easy as that you know. We don't know who you are and we would need some collateral to underwrite your borrowing. Well said the frog, my name is Kermit Jagger and as collateral I can offer this fine porcelain elephant that my dad Mick bought me for my last birthday. it cost him a fortune. He handed Paddy a small pink elephant and the confused cashier said I can't make a decision like this without consulting my boss and he went into the rear office.Listen boss said Paddy I've got this frog called Kermit Jagger outside asking for a big loan he said his dad Mick the famous singer bought him this little pink elephant and he wants to use it as collateral. What do you make of it. The boss looked at the elephant and said

Its a nicknack Paddy Mac. give the frog a loan his old mans a rolling stone


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 06:11 PM

Murphy, a well-known freeloader, wanders into a saloon, walks up to Clancy, who's a well-known tightwad.

Clancy: Don't think you can cadge a drink from me, Murphy!

Murphy: Ahhh, no, no. I'll not be drinkin' today. Me doctor won't let me.

Clancy: Oh, are ye ill, then? What did the doctor say?

Murphy: He said I've got a terrible case of yoors.

Clancy: What's yoors?

Murphy: Oh, I'll just have a pint of Guinness, thank ye.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 12:48 PM

You can have some fun by working the word "Henway" into any conversation, for example, "We finished with a schottische, a waltz, and a Henway."

When somebody asks, "What's a Henway?" you can answer: "Oh, about three pounds."


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: GUEST,an is guy
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 12:45 PM

(sings)a pretty girl is like a melody, that haunts you night and day

a gritty pearl is michael L L D

get it? huh? get it?
(wanders off shaking his head and muttering)


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: grannyjan
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 12:42 PM

As a teenager, newly working at a bank that had recently merged with another, i discreetly answered the phone :

Good morning, National Bestminster Wank'

A dreadful pun of my own devising - The patient wants a synovectomy - is that the surgical removal of Chinese take aways?

A colleague used to answer the phone between 11.30 and 12.00 with Good aftermorning.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: mousethief
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 12:34 PM

what's a bransle?

Any sail on a multi-sailed vessel which has turned brown (the colour of wheat bran) with age or fungus.

Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 12:29 PM

A note to John P: OK, we're on the same page now. I see my interpretation was out of sync with your tacit intent, which was to sustain the theme, not run contra to it. I should have suspended judgment until the discord was resolved. Instead, I made a classical mistake, and ended up looking like a ritard!

Since puns aren't my forte, I will try to temper my remarks in the future. Then, hopefully, we won't have a repeat of this little contretemps. (A minor point: what's a bransle?)


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 09:41 AM

Bowie's Laughing gnome?
Where do sick gnomes get treated? On the National Elf Service of course.
RtS (San Fairy Ann)


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 09:37 AM

Hey! Brain enaged for a change. Combining this thread and John P's point about music and my own name, who remembers a very young David Bowie doing a song about a garden gnome? I can't remember it very well but I remember some awful puns - Prime being 'havn't you got a gnome to go to!'

BTW - what exactly IS a pun? I always understood it to be a play on words like asking vampires how they like their steaks etc. I think they can cover similar words like the home/gnome example above and lots of the postings in this and the earlier thread - but arn't some of the entries just jokes?

Not as it realy matters I guess jokes and puns should all be kept for posterity anyway. A master comedian once said he wrote all the jokes he ever came across down so he would not forget them. After all, a pun he saved is a pun he heard....

Yuk.

DtG


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 09:15 AM

Micca, the DT writer must have gone to the same school as me 50 years ago when we were giggling at that behind the bike sheds!
RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Micca
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 08:45 AM

This was e-mailed to me by a friend.. I will leave you to judge
In the Daily Telegraph(UK) this morning - TRUE STORY.

There's a town in Hertfordshire (UK) called Tillit. In Tillit is a pub called "The Cockwell Inn". The publican there is a lady called Lucy Likes. So her address is:-

Miss Lucy Likes The Cockwell Inn Tillit Herts.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Naemanson
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 06:33 AM

Sophocleese, I had to read your last post twice before I realized it was full of puns! Very good!

I don't get "a gritty pearl is michael, lld."


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: GUEST,Crazy Eddie
Date: 30 Apr 01 - 12:31 AM

Davebhoy, Your story A man was filling up his car with petrol when it overflowed and splashed all over the sleave of his jacket.

He paid for the petrol and left the garage. 200 yards down the road he lit a cigarette and the petrol vapours ignited as which point the police arrived and charged him with possessing a fire arm is NOT FUNNY
This very accident happened to a friend of mine in Belfast. As a result, he was shot dead. In Belfast, at that time, they didn't mess around, if they saw someone with an Armalite!


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: Dani
Date: 29 Apr 01 - 09:44 PM

What does a fish say when he hits a concrete wall?

"Dam"

Dani


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: GUEST,an is guy
Date: 29 Apr 01 - 07:44 PM

ferdinand feghoot, the great traveler in time and space, was summoned to the planet of the pearl people.
it seems that michael, their greatest doctor of jurisprudence, had been thrown into the vinegar sea by one of his enemies.
feghoot was asked to find him before the vinegar dissolved him completely.

so feghoot waded into the sea of vinegar barefoot, and in less than a minute found michael, who was brought ashore and resuscitated, a little worn, but alive.
feghoot was asked how he'd accomplished this task so quickly.
he, of course, answered in song...

a gritty pearl is michael, lld.


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Subject: RE: BS: Give us more PUNishment! (Puns II)
From: sophocleese
Date: 29 Apr 01 - 06:45 PM

John P. It sounds like you have a score to settle with someone. Personally I agree with you Heart and Soul. I think those mudcatters who cannot conduct themselves in a more seemly manner and refrain from useless postings should be slapped with a re-straining order.


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