Just lost a good friend

Subject: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 12:42 AM

I recently lost a good friend of mine. I guess that I've made myself really busy lately so that I wouldn't have to think about it. It's just tonight everything hit me like a ton of bricks. The worst part is not knowing what happened. He just disappeared. I don't know if he dead or not but I'm pretty sure that he is. Nobody seems to know. Nobody's seen him. The worst part is not knowing. Not knowing what happened. Not knowing if he died painfully or quickly and without pain. It just hurts so bad not knowing.

The whole point of this thread is to post this poem that I just wrote. It guess I feel that some part of him is in it and if a lot of people read it, he would be kept alive somehow. I also think that considering what many people having been going through since September 11th that this would give words to what they're feeling, that it would help us all remember.

THE CORNER

I guess I should say good-bye

Although I've never been good at letting go

It took me a while to even admit that you were gone

I haven't totally given up

Not really

I keep thinking that you just left the room

A heartbeat before I entered it

Or that you are merely one corner ahead of me

I guess in a way you are

For death is merely a corner

Merely the limit of our sight

I just wish that we could have met that corner together

That I could have held your hand

Once more before you slipped away

That I could have treasured that last moment

Knowing that it was the last

But you turned that corner

And I thought you were only a bend away

I'm only now learning how cruel the corners are

I'm only now remembering how to cry

So guess this is farewell

For a little while at least

Until I too round that corner

And find you waiting for me

Thank you, Tom, for all the memories. I'll never forget you.

Thank you all.

Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: paddymac
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 12:48 AM

Wow! Poignant and evocative. Thank you.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 12:52 AM

Rebecca, thank you so much for sharing your poem and sadness with us. I am sorry to hear about your friend. Not knowing one way or the other must be very difficult.

Wherever he is, I am sure he is aware, on some level, of your care and concern and your eloquence in which he lives on.

If there is anything I can do to help, please feel free to PM me.

"Always turning towards morning"

kat

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: CapriUni
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 12:52 AM

{{{Rebecca}}}

That was beautiful... I hope someday soon the pain of not knowing will be eased for you, and for all those who are lost in the limbo of wondering.

Peace, Ann @>---

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Amergin
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 01:21 AM

(((((((((((((REBECCA))))))))))))

I am so sorry to hear about your loss...but thank you for posting that poem for us...so sad and beautiful it was...like most friendships....just remember that you will meet him again...in this life or in the next....

amergin

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 01:25 AM

Thank you everyone.

Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 01:35 AM

I dont usually like poems but this one is good.Sorry to hear about your friend and thanks for posting the poem for us.Take Care.john

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: GUEST,Greycap
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 03:42 AM

Great poem, great writer - be strong ( but then, you are ) it'll pass, I know how I felt when my Dad went.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Maxine
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 04:38 AM

Oh Rebecca, I do sympathise with you. We lost a wonderful friend in a car crash,in August, aged 37. He has a beautiful family, his youngest daughter was 1 the day after he died. He also has a 4yr old and 7yr old. I suppose time is a healer, but after 3 months, not a minute goes by without him being on our minds. Your poem is lovely, it will be a source of comfort for us also. Thankyou. Hope things improve for you soon...

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 06:38 AM

(((((((Rebecca))))))), another hug from one who's been there too. Thanks for sharing your grief and the poetry it inspired. Time won't take away your love for your friend, but the scar that's left will leave you stronger still.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Willie-O
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 10:45 AM

Hope for the best, but it seems that you have already prepared yourself for the worst. Which is wise, but difficult. Sooner or later you'll know what happened.

I feel your loss. Please let us know when you find out about your friend.

Best wishes

Bill

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 10:51 AM

Well written! I can imagine the writing was very a catharsis as well.

I hope you make it to the place where you look back and smile and laugh and tell stories about him soon. It sounds as if you will be a wonderful way for him to live on in the here and now.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 02:10 PM

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately. He was such a good listener and loved so unconditionally. He touched my life so deeply. I've been crying a lot lately but I often find myself smiling through the tears as I remember something funny that he did or just the time we spent together.

I have some pictures of him that I took recently for no reason at all. I think I'm going to frame them and put them up on my wall.

I just wish that I had been able to say good-bye.

Thank you for helping me to remember him.

Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: CarolC
Date: 17 Nov 01 - 04:56 PM

Rebecca, like John from Hull, I often don't respond very well to poetry. But I think your poem is incredible. I think it's probably one of my favorites.

I'm so sorry about your friend.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 18 Nov 01 - 01:53 AM

Thank you, katlaughing, for the offer.

Thank you everyone for your encouragement.

Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Nov 01 - 02:10 AM

You are welcome, Rebecca.

One thing that may help with the not getting to say goodbye, is to write him a letter. Let it all pour out, how you are feeling/felt, including sadness, any anger, happiness of times past, etc, how much you miss him, the good things you remember, include your beautiful poem, and tell him goodbye. Then, if it feels right, burn the letter and know that the message will reach him wherever he is. If that doesn't feel right, just tuck it away and re-read it from time to time, for comfort and remembrance, then you may feel the time has come to let go and burn it.

Hope this helps,

kat

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: kendall
Date: 18 Nov 01 - 07:58 AM

I too just lost a friend. He died in his sleep, the best way to go. It's good that your grief is tempered with remembering the fun, that is so important. You poem is lovely, I am a words person, so, can appreciate what you wrote. Love on you.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Mickey191
Date: 18 Nov 01 - 10:09 AM

Rebecca your poem is beautiful and very meaningful to me, as I never got to say goodbye to my dear husband. I'm waiting for the day I turn the corner. I know he'll be waiting. You must think of all the smiles and laughs you shared in this life. It helps the healing. I'm saving your wonderful poem. Mickey

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 01:35 AM

Kat, thank you for the advice. I think that I will write that letter.

When I started this thread I did it to share my sadness and that poem. I have been amazed and comforted by how encouraging and open the responses have been. But I think the most amazing thing is how my poem, which will always be Tom's poem, has touched so many. If a poem can unite us in grief and help us all to recall those who have "rounded the corner" before us then I think that there is nothing greater that we can ask.

Thank you all for being there for me.

Loving regard, Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Gypsy
Date: 19 Nov 01 - 10:22 PM

((((((((((((Rebecca))))))))))))))))))) What an amazing poem. That's one i'm going to keep. You have touched so many with it. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Tom French
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 08:34 AM

(((((((Rebecca)))))))
My heart goes out to you. Thanks for sharing your poem. Surely your Tom lives anew in it and in the hearts of those of us who found it. Being a Tom myself, and my daughter being a Rebecca, I understand the closeness in spite of the distance.
Take care,
Tom

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 09:09 AM

The not knowing is, definitely, worse than having one's worst fears confirmed. Hang in there, Rebecca, it doesn't get better but it does get less.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: GUEST,Fiver
Date: 20 Nov 01 - 10:46 AM

The poem is very touching--reminds me of my old guitar partner, we learned to play as kids, played through high school and college--I know how he died--hit by a drunk kid while riding his motorcycle home from work--his wife was five months pregnant--for years, he would stare at me, silently, in my dreams--

Tell us more--Was he one of the 9/11?

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Guessed
Date: 21 Nov 01 - 06:47 AM

I doesn't get better but it changes
its the "not having said goodbye" that burns. No?
I lost an old friend recently but it was easy because I did all I sensibly could to assist her in her goal of staying at home to the end. No ifs. No unfinished business.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Áine
Date: 21 Nov 01 - 08:58 AM

Dear Rebecca,

You've captured in your beautiful poem the essence of that yearning all of us feel who have lost friends in similar circumstances. For some of us, unfortunately, this kind of thing has happened more than once. I still hold these friends in my mind and heart, and am very grateful that they came into my life. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us.

That feeling of wondering loss is the reason that I never say 'goodbye' to the people I cherish without adding the words, 'I love you.'

-- Áine

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Roughyed
Date: 21 Nov 01 - 05:08 PM

What a beautiful poem and so deeply felt. I wish your friend well and hope to meet him around one of my corners. He must be a wonderful being.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 04:34 PM

Thank you everyone. You have no idea what a comfort you have all been.

Darn it. Here I go crying again. I guess I still have a long way to go.

I've been really sacred lately. I'm afraid that I'm starting to forget him, that everyone is starting to forget him and that soon it'll be like he was never here.

Thanksgiving was hard for me this year without him and I have been deliberately avoiding thinking about Christmas because I know that it'll be even worse. I like to start early with Christmas shopping and yesterday when cleaning out my closet I found the present that I had gotten for him this year. That hurt a lot.

Fiver, no he wasn't a victim of 9/11. In fact I live all the way across the country in California. He was over for dinner on Nov. 6. He left for home about 7pm and nobody's seen him since then. I think it's the not knowing what happened that is killing me. I'm so afraid that he died afraid, in pain, and alone. I would have given anything to have been with him.

It's just that he was so loving. He would just unconditionally love people. He was so friendly. I've know him since I was 10 years old and he's always been there for me through that whole time.

Nobody knows for sure if he's dead but I think that he is. Maybe it's the connection that we had but I just kind of know.

So I guess that I'll just concentrate on getting through a day at a time and hope that he can see me from wherever he is.

Wherever you are, Tom, I love you and I'll never forget you.

Again, thank you everyone.

Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Megan L
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 05:09 PM

Rebecca don't worry about forgetting, at housegroup I recently shared something my mother taught me many years ago. If you have held a fragrent flower in your hands, drawn in its sweetness and felt its softness. whenever you want to know it again think quietly for a moment and in your memory puts it right back there in your hands, just as perfect as the first time.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 07:38 PM

Thanks, Megan.

Today just hasn't been a good day.

Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Deda
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 07:56 PM

Dear Rebecca,

Death sucks. I keep hoping that the rules will changes and we'll get people back, and it keeps not happening. I've lost a fair number of loved ones, but never with the terrible uncertainty, the not-knowing that you describe. I'm so sorry.

I hope it isn't out of place if I post a poem I wrote over ten years ago now about a death that was especially hard for me. Maybe you'll relate.

After Death

Since you died, I have woken every day.
That has been the hardest part, because
Always, you have to be deadened again --
Not killed, but given back to death.
I smother the hopeful sense
That clings to me from sleep.
I send you back across, or cross myself
That black circling river around the dream.

This is only a matter of seconds.
Then the day proceeds.
That is the real work of the day.
The rest, routine.

I wish you healing, however that comes for you. Thank you for your poem. from Another Rebecca.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 08:04 PM

Thanks, Rebecca, for the poem and for your sympathy.

It's appreciated.

Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 10:41 PM

Rebecca/Celtic Bard, another thing to keep in mind is that forgetting is sometimes only a temporary coping mechanism. For our bodies and minds and souls not to get out of balance with grief and so that they do not fall ill from it, we are given a respite of sorts, if even for a moment, our minds are on something else besides the very sad loss.

I like the flower analogy. As long as Tom is in your heart, you will always remember him.

At a candlelight vigil when Mathew Shephard was kill here in Wyoming, we sang a beautiful song with these words:

Listen, listen, listen to my heart song
I will never forsake you, I will never forget you
Repeat

It was a simple thing, but significant for all who were there. I hope it can be of some help.

Rebecca/Deda, beautiful poem, thanks for sharing it!

Wherever Tom is, I am sure he knows how much you love him. It sounds as though you had a beautiful connection.

If you need someone to talk to, please send me a PM for my phone number. It's part of what I do...listening and trying to help.:-)

In Solace,

kat

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 03 Dec 01 - 08:57 PM

Thank you kat.

I'm hanging in there.

Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Dec 01 - 12:19 AM

Sure thing, Rebecca. You know where we all are and how we can help. Just holler and Mudcatters will answer.:-)

in peace,

kat

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Bugsy
Date: 04 Dec 01 - 01:44 AM

Your poem brought this passage to mind. It helped me when I lost my Father and later my Grandson. I hope it can help you in your time of grief

"Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,
let it be spoken without effect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was;
there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you,
for an interval, somewhere very near,
just round the corner.
All is well."

CHeers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: SharonA
Date: 04 Dec 01 - 10:05 AM

Rebecca (Celtic Bard): Having lost a couple of relatives and a friend unexpectedly, myself – to sudden, fatal heart attacks – I feel for your loss. That's a lovely poem.

I send all my best wishes that you'll find peace and closure.

Sharon

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Deda
Date: 05 Dec 01 - 07:29 PM

Bugsy -- Do you know the author of that poem? It's lovely. Thanks.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Bugsy
Date: 10 Dec 01 - 12:34 AM

Sorry for not replying sooner Deda, but I only come in here maybe once a week now. The peice is by Henry Scott Holland(1847-1918,)Canon of St Paul's Cathedral.

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 26 Dec 01 - 03:56 PM

Thank you, Bugsy. That's a beautiful poem.

Rebecca <><

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: GUEST,Desdemona
Date: 26 Dec 01 - 04:59 PM

I'm sorry for your loss; try to hold the positive happy parts of your relationship just as uppermost in your mind as your grief at losing him.

Peace & light, D.

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: Genie
Date: 26 Dec 01 - 08:34 PM

(((((((Rebecca)))))))

Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful poem.  I am very sorry for your loss--especially for the agony of not knowing.

A few days ago on NPR there was a segment about El Dia de las Muertos (sp?), the Mexican day to honor the spirits of those who have departed.  I have wished for some time -- especially after losing 6 members of my extended family (cousins, aunts and uncles) and a close friend within 3 years -- that we had a similar 'holiday' in the US, because it would help with the grieving process and help keep our loved ones alive in our hearts and memories.   Coming to grips with the loss is hard, even when we (at least rationally) "know" someone is gone.   Then we often put the grief out of our  conscious activities, though it is unfinished.  It helps to have special times and places to remember.

Our hearts are with you.

Genie

Subject: RE: Just lost a good friend
From: The Celtic Bard
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 06:51 PM

Thank you everyone.

This Christmas was hard but I made it through.

Rebecca <><