Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Allan C.
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 03:01 AM

BTW, if someone should happen to have a tiny banjo-uke or something in need of a new head, I have a 9 1/2 inch (largest useful diameter) groundhog skin (oak ash cured) I would gladly put in the mail.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: GUEST,Bill
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 07:25 PM

Only joking Nic---Bill(the sound)

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: GUEST,Bill
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 07:23 PM

Don't skin the cat--put the whole cat on the banjo it will probably improve the sound(for the rest of us anyway)
Bill(the sound)

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 04:49 PM

Coconut Bassett's Ice cream is fantastic!! 8{)>

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Dead Horse
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 03:36 PM

The man is a well known & acredited pervert.
AND Bassets are good for allsorts (except for the coconut ones)

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Oaklet
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 11:44 AM

Dave Bryant, that falls within the category of fighting talk.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 06 Nov 02 - 09:02 AM

Well, there are Basset Horns - why not Basset Banjo's.

Incidently Hrothgar and Little Hawk, surely you know the main difference between cats and dogs.

Dogs have owners, cats have servants.


Finally - isn't Ms Penelope Rutledge wonderful when she gets angry - I could really fancy a posh tart like her. I bet she goes like sh*t ofF a hot shovel once you get her started !

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Fingerbuster
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 06:13 PM

If the Luthier was to be careful with regard to orientation when mounting the CAT skin, it is eminently possible that a ready made sound hole could be incorporated into a "avant-garde" skin table guitar.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 06:10 PM

Right on. Basset Hounds would be even better and would produce a very doleful tone suitable to minor keys. Weimaraners might work well for large drums, I should think.

- LH

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: GUEST,Tim
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 04:28 PM

Too bad dulcimers have sounding boards instead of skins...dachsund be perfect for that.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 04:20 PM

I should think dachshund skins would work marvelously. This means there may yet be useful work for the laziest hound in the world to do when he shuffles off this mortal coil.

I told him all about it, and he opened one eye briefly. He's not amused, but he's too lazy to be bothered doing anything about it at this time.

- LH

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 04:07 PM

Squirrels, a.k.a. tree rats would not work except on treble banjo heads. They, in addition to being rather small, have fragile skin. The only exception are flying squirrels, which stretch out quite well.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 03:01 PM

I'm lookin' out at the bird feeder....How many squirrels do ya think it would take?

Tim

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 02:57 PM

I asked our barn cat, Alley, if she'd mind being a banjo head. Jan says the wounds will heal in time and the scars will barely be noticeable.

To all of my Kat, catspaw, friends -

Steve

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 01:16 PM

All's fair in love and pickin'

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Schantieman
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 12:15 PM

Some local moggy got into my house while I was away and shat on my freshly shampooed carpet. If I find the culprit, does anyone want a banjo?

Steve

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: AggieD
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 12:12 PM

But that's why I love dogs, brings out the maternal instinct, but then my cats are Persians, so are just as needy as my dog. Hell I can't go to sit down on the sofa without having a cat get there first.

So that brings us back to a squashed cat for a banjo. I'll just sit down harder next time, if someone will pay enough dosh, although if one of them pees on the mat again, I might just give her away free. No shotgun holes, just nicely flattened & banjo-ready.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 11:47 AM

Ho! Ho! I love the cat-lovers vs dog-lovers dispute. It's irrational, incapable of resolution, and it goes on forever, yet it doesn't matter a tinker's damn in the general scheme of things. It's far more entertaining than Democrats vs Republicans, far less harmful...and hopefully will still be around when those 2 parties have ceased to exist or even be remembered (Oh, HALLELUJAH to that!!!).

For you folks who are amused or perturbed by the nasty side of cats, I highly recommend the comic "Get Fuzzy", which features the most psychotic, vicious, totally self-absorbed cat in history, and he's a Siamese too! He makes Garfield look like a stale twinky. If you've dealt with Siamese cats you know that they are INTENSE. They can raise the word "bastard" to a whole new level of meaning, if so inclined.

And I still like 'em. Go figure, eh? The thing I can't stand about dogs is their emotional incompleteness...they are NEEDY...they need me or you to fill up their empty hours. I have a hard time putting up with that. I suppose it wouldn't be a problem though, if they were living a natural life (in the society of numerous other dogs).

So actually, it's people who are at fault for the neurotic problems of their canines. That figures. People are generally a bit crazy.

- LH

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 07:34 AM

Nice try, Wilco! You choose a surefire chart-topper, that goes platinum within a week of release, and then re-release in posting 78, using the Mudcat code-word '9', thus ensuring a further 60 responses (Appendix 1 - Oakley's Law), all without attracting fire for using Ulster or Shatner. A deft performance, sir.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Gurney
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 04:33 AM

To quote England's greatest current author, Mr. Terry Pratchett, "If cats looked like toads, everyone would know what horrible, vicious little bastards they are. Cats have style."
'Lords and Ladies.'

Our female cat is nicknamed 'the carpet shark' and believes that she is the Alpha female in this den. If she could work out how to open the fridge, she could safely kill my wife....

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Hrothgar
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 02:36 AM

Tell me, LH, has your cat trained you to fetch its slippers?

:-)

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 02:15 PM

That is quite perceptive of New York. Cats, in fact, cannot truly be domesticated...which is one of the reasons why I like them. If they like you, you have to EARN it. Ha! This is probably the secret reason why "Grab" and various other wretched souls of his ilk hate cats...the cats are onto them! They know a dork when they see one! (hee, hee) :-)

This is quite unlike dogs, who can be easily brainwashed into slavering loyalty and admiration for a dork...trained to fetch his slippers and obey his commands, etc. Pathetic is what it is...

Cats respect themselves, and they respect people who respect them. Sounds like the basis of a healthy relationship to me.

Do your worst, ya philistines! Whine and snivel about your precious gardens. Dog shit is far more intrusive than cat shit and always will be. Ha! We sneer in your general direction. Miaow!!! Fffttt!

- LH

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 01:18 PM

An interesting fact of New York law is that cats are not considered domesticated, as are dogs. Therefore, happy hunting, Graham. It also means that 'owners' are not liable for the damage their feline co-dependants do.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Grab
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 12:30 PM

Ms Rutledge should see the amount of gorgeous cat crap in my front garden, admire the subtle manner in which other people's animals have vandalised my flowerbed, and marvel at the delicate screeching of those vermin that fills the air when I'm trying to go to sleep...

If it's a tame animal, the owner can compensate me for damage to garden and time taken to clean up the crap. And if it's a wild animal, there's nothing legally stopping me shooting it and skinning it if it comes in my garden.

Frankly, I'm not sure there's anything you could do to a cat that would be regarded as excessive cruelty. I don't think there's anything you could do to a cat that would be *too* cruel.

Graham.

PS. There's more than one way to skin a cat. I know...

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: wilco
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 11:05 AM

For all of those who have PM'd me about Fluffy, the live, banjo-head, guina-pig tabby cat. Fluffy went into kitty rehab, and is detoxing at the kitty clinic this very day. Afterwords, he will be in a 9 step program. Too much shine getting him prepped for his banjo head trials. Sober, he never would stay on the banjo head.

PS: We had an awful time with his kitty insurance, they had to have documentation that he had a majority of his nine lives left (five or more).

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: 53
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 10:57 AM

it will be kind of hairy won't it?

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Fingerbuster
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 10:35 AM

The greatest threat to wild birds is posed by the average house cat.
I LOVE wild birds, therefore i LOATHE cats.
They should either be kept indoors, or, be painted a luminous orange
and have their claws and teeth pulled out. I dont think that would spoil the skin for later usage by a Luthier?

:-*

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Hrothgar
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 03:19 AM

Feral cats are probably the greatest threat to any number of species of small native Australian animals. What we should do is import elephants and let them breed up in the wild in the hope that they will go around stamping on cats!

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Oaklet
Date: 03 Nov 02 - 05:28 PM

I love you with all my heart, Ms Penelope Rutledge.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 03 Nov 02 - 05:05 PM

Honestly, this forum is the very limit! I should have realized that traversing the wilds of the Internet would be an experience not for the faint of heart, but I had no idea what was out there until I did.

Oakley, you are a persistent and unusual fellow, to be sure. While your efforts to better yourself are encouraging, I'm not sure that I can promise a meeting in the near future. By the way, I believe that the Nemesis of the North was a male, but I am not sure who. I suspect it was one of Winston's friends, most of whom are pretentious wastrels in search of idle tomfoolery. It didn't sound like Winston himself to me, though. They are just trying to stir the pot. I was thunderstruck at your suggestion regarding the wrestling match in the pit of mashed potatoes. You really do have a vivid imagination, don't you? Actually, it was rather funny in retrospect! You surely couldn't have been serious? If I were inclined to compete with another female in the arena of love, I would choose more subtle means than that, I assure you. :>) (Note that I have learned about emoticons.)

Now I see that another subhuman cat hater is attempting to wave the red flag at me, as if I were some monstrous bovine standing in a field...

Well too bad, Fingerbuster. I wasn't born last week, and I have said my piece. You can't put me off my tea and cookies that easily, sir!

Ms Penelope Rutledge

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Fingerbuster
Date: 03 Nov 02 - 04:41 PM

I'm with you Hrothgar, when are we goin ahuntin?

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Oaklet
Date: 03 Nov 02 - 04:34 PM

Can I say, my dear Ms Rutledge, that of course, I am in complete agreement with you, and that my new friends in my string quartet (how we love Haydn's later, more turbulent opusesses) include a small businessman, and oral hygienist and an actress.

I am off now to the library to read Keats, and after that will continue is my tireless campaign to rid the world of animal cruelty - particularly cats, which I love.

May I ask, at this juncture whether you would consider doing me the honour of being my guest at The Brocklesby Hunt Ball this year. It is in three weeks. A truly wonderful opportunity to celebrate all the fun that the hunt has had this year in ripping literally thousands of foxes into tiny shreads.

It would make a good-looking, virile and not impoverished farmer, very happy indeed.   

Yours affectionately


Lionel Oakley

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 03 Nov 02 - 04:11 PM

Well! I am not going to remain silent when people joke about murdering cats in order to fashion primitive, bucolic instruments! This thread is deeply offensive. I have devoted many hours to rescuing homeless kitties in the Twillingsgate area, and I am appalled at the vulgar humour displayed in this discussion. While I understand that some of you are speaking tongue in cheek, I believe that there is a certain line which one should not cross, and it has definitely been crossed here.

Banjos are crude, noisy instruments...better suited to a dance hall with straw on the floor, I should think. Cats, on the other hand, are subtle and gorgeous creatures, full of natural grace and wisdom.

Kindly end this odious discussion. Hrothgar, I had better not find you roaming about Twillingsgate!

Ms Penelope Rutledge, Twillingsgate, U.K.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 02 - 01:00 PM

I wonder.... If one made the head (and back) of a banjo airtight, would the gas trapped inside alter the sound? For instance, would fulling the banjo with helium create high, squeaky sounds? And what about other gases? This is an entirely new area for experimentation!

As an historical note: Great-great Uncle Joe Bob made a banjo whilst sitting in the outhouse, and it sounded crappy.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 03 Nov 02 - 01:16 AM

Gurney, Are the Himalayan sub breed of Mylars you mentioned any relation to the American Side Hill Mylar gouger?

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Nov 02 - 12:18 AM

I generally prefer cats to banjos. However, a banjo in the hands of a really GOOD player can produce more tuneful sounds than a cat, especially when plucked strongly.

This is a tough one...

- LH

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Nov 02 - 10:39 PM

I have had the misfortune of eating haggis. Next time it is offered to me, I think I'll just eat a chunk of Mylar instead.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Gurney
Date: 02 Nov 02 - 05:44 AM

I feel that I must appeal to banjovians (even though banjos don't appeal to me) to cease and desist from using either Hymalayan Mylars or the Common Haggis for Headskins. The reproduction rate of both these animals is very low due to their biology; they have two short and two long legs. Each. This enables them to move with great facility in their mountainous grazing areas, as the long legs are both ON ONE SIDE. As a result, there are clockwise and anti-clockwise variants of both species which means that half the specimens are unable to breed with each other, as they can only meet face to face (or the reverse) and fall over if they turn around.
You will never see these creatures in a zoo for the same reason. No-one can afford to make a concrete mountain big enough to stop the poor mites getting dizzy.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: fogie
Date: 02 Nov 02 - 04:32 AM

I don't know if you lot in USA have hairless or hairy banjo heads. There's surely a lot to be said for well fleeced heads as they must produce a warmer sound. I'd also experiment with Angora, Yak, Chinchilla, but which side to have as the hairy one???

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Hrothgar
Date: 02 Nov 02 - 01:40 AM

1. Any reason for terminating cats with extreme prejudice is all right with me.

2. Wasn't Jim Ryun the last genuine Americam mylar?

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: GUEST,truckerdave
Date: 02 Nov 02 - 12:13 AM

Well now, i believe like everyone else says. You got to have a pretty big darn cat to make a banjo head. But then again, there sure are a lot of unwanted cats around. Take kittens for instance. Nobody wants a kitten. However, if you are getting a little rusty on your marksmanship and they're going to be euthanized anyway........well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together. They're small and move quickly so they make pretty challenging targets. Just got to tie them each to a cement block or they will all just run away after the first shot though.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Gareth
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 06:07 PM

mmmm ! Thats a point the breadfruit has a thick rind - Could that be a vegitarian source of Banjo Heads ?

Mind you if fiction is correct, on the Bounty it was not a question of cats being skinned to produce instruments by the crew.

It was the crew being skinned by an instrument known as the Cat

Sorry nautical quadruple pun - and I'am feeling groggy with it.

Gareth

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 05:10 PM

Shouldn't be a problem if you keep hinm outside in windy weather, mate....

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: maldenny
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 05:03 PM

I'm force feeding next door's cat in an effort to make a big enough skin to cover my banjo. Of course there's the by-product of 'catty de fois gras'.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: SharonA
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 04:17 PM

And were there Acrilan pelts on the Bounty?

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Gareth
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 04:14 PM

mmmmm ! Is there a bounty on Acrilan Pelts ????

Gareth

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 03:29 PM

Oh, leave it on and hope not to be mistaken for banjo head material.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 01:33 PM

I've got a coat made of wild Acrilan fur, are they an endangered species,and should I bury it with funeral rites immediately. I mean to take it off before interring it, in case anybody out there gets some smart assed ideas!
Byeee....Giok

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 10:36 AM

By the bye, the armadillo bodied instrument is called a Charanga, according to a South American friend of mine.

Subject: RE: Ethics: Skinning housecat for banjo head
From: Gareth
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 10:30 AM

First catch your cat - The problem with road kill is youv'e got to try it 9 times, and the tyre marks alter the tone.

Gareth