Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)

Subject: Lyr Add: COUSIN JOHN AND COUSIN MABEL (Homer&Jethr
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 May 16 - 11:09 PM

COUSIN JOHN AND COUSIN MABEL
Words by Cy Coben; tune: "Humoresque"
As recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Cornfucius Say" (1964)

Cousin John and Cousin Mabel
Wanted kids but weren't able.
John went to a doctor who told him:
"Eat lots o' seafood for a year."
John made that seafood disappear.
It did no good but you should see him swim.

Mabel said: "The fault is mine.
I think that it's adoption time."
And soon a bundle she was holdin' tight.
She cuddled it and kitchy-cooed
While John would just set there and brood.
He'd have to walk that little dog at night.

Mabel was ugly.
She was so ugly,
She fell down the stairs and it improved her looks a lot.
John called her kitten.
She must have been a kitten.
Folks would look at her and say: "Boy, what a puss she's got!"

Mabel bought her John a present.
She knew he like huntin' pheasant.
She bought a bird dog with a shaggy coat.
Now John's mad at her, I hear.
He's had that bird dog for a year,
And that bird dog hasn't sung a note.

Cousin John bought Cousin Mabel
A fur coat he said was sable.
She was proud when he gave it to her.
Now his life's not worth a dime.
Cats walk behind her all the time
Carryin' signs that read: "You murderer!"

Mabel kept rabbits
Right in their bedroom.
Poor John took to sleepin' with a clothespin on his snout.
He'd open the window
And let fresh air in,
But if he did that, then all his pigeons would fly out.

Marriage is like jail, no doubt:
Getting' in's not hard, it's a-getting' out.
Sometimes I think it shouldn't be allowed.
Take John and Mabel's friendly tip:
Marriage can spoil a good friendship.
After the wedding you may find that two's a crowd.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jan 16 - 07:43 AM

Just spent 30 minutes ( not a penny!)on here.... Radio 3 have just played Humoresque.....
I only knew one verse until now...
Don't relieve your constipation
While the train is in the station
Do not leave a mess upon the floor'

probably remembered from the early 60s from a work colleague who had been in the Army in World War 2...

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Jan 16 - 04:20 PM

My mother (born in 1919) taught me the first verse. Three others I got from ... I forget, but possibly Oscar Brand's Bawdy Songs. I just read a piece on the New Yorker website about gendered bathrooms, and thought of the verse that I sometimes quote, especially when liberating a men's room, which I have done a few times:

If the women's room is taken
Do not feel at all forsaken,
Never show a sign of sad defeat,
Try the men's room 'cross the hall
And if a man should have the call
He'll courteously relinquish you his seat.

As for the tune, Dvorak's "Humoresque," a century ago everyone knew it, and anyone who played the piano could play it.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 14 Oct 14 - 12:31 PM

You must practice constipation
Whilst the train is in the station
So as not to crap upon the line
Hobos lying underneath
Will get it in their hair & teeth
And the outlook for them won't be very fine.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: Joe_F
Date: 02 Mar 14 - 08:17 PM

I once heard a version celebrating the song itself, containing the line
So picturesque and yet grotesque.
That's all I remember.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Mar 14 - 11:17 AM

Marilyn,

I have a couple of words - something about Humoresque and the next line is something ' my arabesque'.

Does this call anything to mind? I have been looking for the words for ages.

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Mar 14 - 11:02 AM

I know these lyrics are hilarious, but doesn't anyone have the words that are something about a humoresque and then the next line is something about 'my arabesque'. I would be so grateful for any help. We had this sheet music when I was a girl and my mother would play it on the piano while we sang. Then she just got rid of it all; piano, all the sheet music. I don't know why.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: Mr Happy
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 05:20 AM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Train_toilet

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: kendall
Date: 28 Feb 13 - 02:30 PM

Then there was...Mabel Mabel fresh and able, get your big ass off the table, go on out and find yourself a man...

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST,Raymondi
Date: 28 Feb 13 - 02:08 PM

If your daughter has to water
Ask the porter for a blotter
Throw it out the window when she's through(done?)

Anybody know the rest of this?
Heard it as a kid about 1960 AD.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Sep 12 - 01:15 PM

If you have to pass some water,
Ask the porter for a blotter....

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 08 Feb 12 - 04:25 PM

Does anyone remember that the tune is a variation on Swanee River?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: Lighter
Date: 08 Feb 12 - 11:01 AM

More like Brand than Wilde.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST,marilyn
Date: 07 Feb 12 - 10:14 PM

I remember some of the Lyrics to Humoreque. It goes something like this-- over the stars are beaming through the dusty clouds are gleaming with a tender message in her eyes   or something like that. I wish I could get that record. It has been something like 50 years ago that they use to play that on the radio. I always loved that song.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 09:11 PM

Probably posted before, but:

Nothing looks much better than
A young girl in a sweater but
The sweater may not be
What it appears.

Boys, it's recommended
That you see what's in the sweater
Or your wedding night might
End in bitter tears.

(Attributed to Oscar Wilde in one source, but other sources differ.)

John

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Feb 12 - 06:02 PM

Every night after dark
I'd goose the statues
In the park.
If Sherman's horse can
take it, why can't you?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST,John
Date: 07 Jan 12 - 03:57 PM

Something triggered in my head this morning and I thought of this song....and it's been going around in my head ever since.

Imagine my surprise that so many of you friends remembered it too.
I "googled" Parody lyrics to the tune of Humoresque and all of this came up.
Thanks for all the comments. Isn't the internet great?!

Subject: RE: ADD: Humoresque (various versions)
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 09:58 PM

r

Subject: RE: ADD: Humoresque (various versions)
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 11:26 PM

Two friends of mine at Cambridge in the early 50s, Neil Morris & Tony Davis [both of Downing College], composed this additional aposiopetic ½-stanza, ending with a harmonic la-laa-la:~

Please refrain from masturbating
While the train's in station waiting,
Spunk may fall upon the man beneath
~~~ Plate-laaaying···

Subject: RE: ADD: Humoresque (various versions)
From: GUEST,Stuarticus Maximus
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 07:51 PM

Passengers will please refrain
from passing water while the train
is standing in the station to refuel.
Those who feel they must pass water
would they kindly ask the porter
for the bucket in the vestibule.

Subject: RE: ADD: Humoresque (various versions)
From: Joe_F
Date: 14 Oct 08 - 08:12 PM

Persons working underneath
Will get it in their hair and teeth.

Fortunately, I have never heard the rest of that stanza.

Subject: RE: ADD: Humoresque (various versions)
From: pavane
Date: 14 Oct 08 - 03:55 AM

SPAM ALERT

Can we block this guest from further postings?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 06 Oct 05 - 02:38 AM

Trivially different, but with a bit different scan:

Passengers will please refrain
From using toilets while the train
Is standing in the station -
................we thank you.
Constipation's recommended
While the train is being tended
If the train can't go
Then why should you.

And the non-train bit:

Nothing looks much better
Than a young girl in a sweater
But the sweater may not be what it appears.
Boys, it's recommended
That you see what's in the sweater
Or your wedding night could end in bitter tears.

John

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 06 Oct 05 - 01:02 AM

There's another version that starts,

"Who's the one who did the pushin',
Left the stains upon the cushion..."

Fortunately, I don't remember the rest. I think it's a pregnant daughter/lover/angry father setup. I remember my old friend Tedd Judd singing it.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,c e allen
Date: 05 Oct 05 - 03:07 PM

The final chorus of this wonderful ditty is:

We go strolling through the park
Goosing statues in the dark
If Sherman's horse can take it, why can't you?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 14 Jan 03 - 09:15 AM

? Dvoøák
Change charset of your browser to Middle European = ISO-8859-2 or Windows-1250 (somewhere in the menu), and it looks right.

Wilfried

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Jan 03 - 08:30 AM

I'm glad the intrepid Masato dug up the reference to U.S. Surpeme Court Justice William O. Douglas as co-author of this ditty. This may be one of those "folk song legends" and I thought I'd run across references to it before but couldn't pin it down in any of my available songbooks.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Q
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 11:33 PM

Passengers worked. I think most people put in too much. Single words bring up additional stuff, butit is no problem to ignore what you don't want.

There are some threads and songs in the dt that have incorrect or mis-spelled titles. It would be nice if those were corrected.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 10:50 PM

I'm baffled. What were the folks that couldn't find it in DigiTrad searcing for? "Humoresque" brings it up; so does "please refrain"; so does "toilets" or "Sherman's horse".

We keep trying to make the search simpler and more versatile.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Q
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 03:43 PM

I have some of his music on old lps produced in Prague on the Czech Supraphon label. The r in Dvorak has that little upside-down "v" above the r, common in Czech and indicating a hard sh sound to the r, but it is not in the html characters that can be used here.

Webster's Collegiate uses this character in their biographical entry on Antonín Dvorák. I guess we have to leave the r bare. Most American produced cds now leave off the accents on his name.

It is one of two such characters that should be in the standard html list; the other is the macron above vowels, which is needed for Japanese, Hawai'ian and several other languages.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: Lanfranc
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 05:03 AM

Can't see this verse here or elsewhere quoted - originally from Diz Disley, if I remember right.

"Newlyweds while in the carriage
Should not consummate their marriage
While the train is standing here at Crewe
To perform this natural function
Kindly wait 'til Clapham Junction
Where you'll find there's sod-all else to do!"

Come to think about it, it might have been Derek Craft of 1812, rather than Diz.

Alan

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: masato sakurai
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 04:45 AM

? Dvoøák

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: masato sakurai
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 04:43 AM

Ed Cray (in The Erotic Muse, 2nd ed., pp. 235-239) collects four versions (most are one- or two-stanza ones), with this comment (pp.237-238):

    This is another of the more frequently encountered bawdy songs, though most informants seem to know only one or two verses. The song is unusual in that it is one of the very few with a genuine oral currency set to melodies drawn from what is known as "art" or "classical" music.
    Dvoøák published his set of six Humoresques, Op. 101, in 1894. Sometime in th early 1930s, according to his autobiography, Go East, Young Man (pp. 171-72), William O. Douglas and fellow Yale law school professor Thurman Arnold were riding the New Haven Railroad and were inspired by a sign in the toilet:

    Thurman and I got the idea of putting these memorable words to music, and Thurman quickly came up with the musical refrain from Humoresque:

          Passengers will please refrain
          from flushing toilets while the train
          is standing in
          or passing through
          a station.

    Thurman at once adressed the passengers in the parlor car and taught them to sing this song in unison. After many attempts, they were able to make a perfect rendition. Thereafter, it was common on the New Haven to hear people singing the song.

    If Arnold and Douglas are to be credited with the composition, the song certainly spread quickly. Wallrich (p.166), in presenting a World War II air force version in three verses, says that he first heard the song on college campuses in the early 1930s. Legman (The Limerick, 465, n. 1676) dates his version to 1944. Brand's text (pp. 48-49, reprinted in Babab, 73); Getz 1 (p. S-9); and Getz 2 (p. HH-10) are undated.

~Masato

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 13 Jan 03 - 03:00 AM

In Oscar Brand's Bawdy Songs and Backroom Ballads you can find this"

Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilet while the train
Is in the station,
Darling, I love you.
We encourage constipation
While the train is in the station
Moonlight always makes me think of you.

If you wish to pass some water
Kindly try the pullman porter
He'll place a vessel in the vestibule
If the vessel isn't there
Then try the platform in the rear
The one in front is likely to be cool.

If the women's room be taken,
Never feel the least forsaken,
Never show the sign of sad defeat;
Try the men's room 'cross the hall
And if some man has had the call
He'll courteously relinquish you his seat.

If these efforts are in vain,
Then kindly break the window pane
This novel method's used by very few;
We go strolling through the park,
A-goosing statues in the dark,
If Sherman's horse can take it why can't you?

re: Johnstown, PA. I had business reasons to go there by train about 25 years ago. The train didn't move much faster that the infamous Dummy Line. As it says in that song: Female passenger to conductor--Conductor, I'm going to have a baby! Conductor--You should know better than to get on in that condition. FP--I wasn't pregnant when I got on.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: Cluin
Date: 12 Jan 03 - 05:25 PM

I know. Mudlark. Too bad I forgot the point myself.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: Mudlark
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 10:11 PM

Cluin...very funny and to the point!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Compton
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 08:04 PM

I recall......
Passengers will please refrain,
from flushing toilets while the train
is in the station, Darling I love you.
We encourage Constipation
while the train is in the station.
Moonlight always makes me think of you !..etc.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: Joe_F
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 07:41 PM

Prostitutes and pretty ladies
Douche to keep from having babies.
How d'you like the way I part my hair?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: Cluin
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 12:49 PM

Please refrain from posting lyrics,
Whether sincere or satiric,
Space upon the server's getting tight.
Room is needed for declaiming,
Pointless posturing and flaming,
We would rather bark than waste a byte.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song (Humoresque)
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 12:24 PM

Scottish variant ...'In the boat it disnae matter,
for it a' goes in the waater!'

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song
From: GUEST,Q
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 01:45 PM

The parody seems to be older than the columns of jack Smith, so take that remark from my previous post with a cellar of salts.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song
From: Schantieman
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 01:42 PM

The sign is still found, in the toilets on the trains, but as with so many rules of basic hygiene & polite conduct these days, widely ignored.   Hence the piles of sh*t in the stations.

Rant over.


S

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song
From: GUEST,Q
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 01:33 PM

Maybe, like Spaw (guessing), Humoresque is the title that immediately comes to my mind when I see this song or hear the words. Don't know how old the parody is, but I remember it from my childhood in the 1930s. Of course it is listed in the DT as Humoresque, but entering- passengers- brings up a thread with the first line, and from that thread, the DT song can be found pronto.

The sign appeared on American rail lines. Supposedly the first verse was written by Jack Smith, a newspaper columnist and first appeared in a newspaper column of his. So he is credited by for adding the "I love you" so it could be sung to the music of Dvorak's "Humoresque."

Some of the American signs read "Passengers will please refrain from flushing toilet while the train is standing still or passing through a station," which is a little more difficult to sing.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song
From: Jim Colbert
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 11:56 AM

Not having been exposed to much rail travel when I was young, although living in Johnstown PA which is on the mainline of the old Pennsylvania Railroad, I had sometimes wondered what reference Steve Goodman was making to in City of New Orleans ("the conducter sings that song again/passengers will please refrain...")

Thanks for an explanation, IanC!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song
From: Mr Happy
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 11:43 AM

GUEST,Pete

is that all? no more verses of your version?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song
From: GUEST,Pete
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 11:41 AM

Passengers will please refrain from copulating on the train
while standing on the platform here at Crewe.
Please restrain this natural function 'til you get to Clapham Junction
where you'll find there's f*** all else to do

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song
From: Noreen
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 11:36 AM

shorter phrasres more effective, mr h, as you will have found.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song
From: Mr Happy
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 11:06 AM

ok - but when i did my first dt/frum check i entered 'We encourage constipation while the train is in the station' & nothing came up.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song
From: IanC
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 11:01 AM

Yea!

Thanks 'spaw!

:-)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Train Song
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 11:01 AM

So what happened when you entered the phrase Mr.Happy?

Spaw