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BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!!
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: topical tom Date: 07 Jan 09 - 08:34 AM |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: GUEST,Nurse Ratched Date: 07 Jan 09 - 04:17 AM Spaw, I have the perfect cure for flatulence, and as a birthday gift, I hereby bequeath it to you. Just follow my instructions and breathe deeply as you comply. 1. First, lie face down, with your knees bent and your hips raised, horsey like (stop twitching), chest to the ground. This yoga asana is known as Salute to the Swoon. 2. Now flatulence, as you know, is a sign of inverted over-cognisance of the brain. Rather than repressing your thoughts, thus causing them to evacuate like to much hot air rectally, I suggest that you relax your shoulders and emit a long, low sound ( " OOOOOOOOMMMMMM ") with the proviso, that, as you think, so you will become. 3. Allow all your innermost thoughts to flow along your vocal chords with the sound of your OOOMMMNiscient self, and you will be releasing the innermost airs of the damned. 4. follow this practise, with feeling, for at least three days, and I guarantee you will be relieved of your chronic digestive hallucinations. I shall stop in, from time to time, and administer the whip to enhance and hasten sonary emmissions. happy birthday 'spaw Nurse Ratched |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Donuel Date: 06 Jan 09 - 07:10 AM Hey Spaw, how bout a story of the most flatulent birth on Earth? One for the angels that drove the wise men away. HB buddy U is Authentic which come to find out, is a rare and beautiful thing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Lizzie Cornish 1 Date: 06 Jan 09 - 03:02 AM Happy Birthda, Peachy Poo.. Or, Happy UnBirthday Birthday, Peachy Poo. (You are *so* never going to live down kat's nickname, now I know you're really called Peaches. LoL Anyways up, I bought you a a present as I saw it, and thought of you.... Have a good Unday.. :0) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Severn Date: 06 Jan 09 - 02:58 AM Do ya mean I have to recycle my name on here yet again? To be overly redundant, Best of Birthdays and the year that follows. To be continued....... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Jan 09 - 12:59 AM ............... 500...............on this stinkin' thread!!!HA! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Jan 09 - 12:58 AM I'm gonna' post another right after this so I can claim......... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Jan 09 - 12:58 AM I dunno' who the hell is the most at fault here Amos.......Carol for the early original or you for this latest refresh....and its hardly refreshing! This is the birthday thread that might possibly give Offer the ammo to kill off birthday threads altogether. Do you see what you've done you simple jackass? All these nice and well meaning folks are being duped because Surfer Boy was having a laugh. Now don't you feel awful? YEah...... I thought not you miserable ................ Anyways..........Do ya' know what I'm gonna' do? Do ya'??? I'll tell ya'!!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Amos Date: 06 Jan 09 - 12:07 AM Oh, no!! It was all a misunderstanding. This was for his UNbirthday. Didn't I make that clear? Oh, dear, oh, me, oh my..... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: olddude Date: 05 Jan 09 - 10:15 PM 100 more my friend Happy Birthday I will send you a fruit cake :-) Wav didn't want it |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Fortunato Date: 05 Jan 09 - 09:32 PM Relax, 'spaw, I've got hemorrhoids older than you. happy fucking birthday, old poop. chance |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: GUEST,Russ Date: 05 Jan 09 - 12:30 PM Another year older. I am very careful to make sure that nobody outside my family knows my date of birth. I have never succeeded in getting my family to ignore my birthday. I am surprised at the pleasure I derive from knowing that you're older than me. Russ (old fart, but not as old as Spaw, and Permanent GUEST) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: CarolC Date: 05 Jan 09 - 12:23 AM Here's another one. Still not as good as the original one, though... http://www.createfarts.com/ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Charley Noble Date: 04 Jan 09 - 09:29 PM Whatever! You still walk this earth... Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 04 Jan 09 - 07:05 AM I dunno' Carol.....Its pretty good. You can get it shooting flames and blowing gas bubbles so it does have merit!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: CarolC Date: 04 Jan 09 - 02:51 AM It's not as good as the original fart generator in the opening post, but it's ok in a pinch... Fartmatic 5000 |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Janie Date: 04 Jan 09 - 01:36 AM You mean we gotta keep this thread going for about 6 months? errr....what I meant was....You mean we get to keep this thread going for about 6 months? I'm confused. Am I wishing you a very belated Happy Birthday, or a very premature happy birthday? Ah hell, it don't matter. Happy LIFE to my favorite old fart! Janie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: katlaughing Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:59 PM Hmm...if he's barely making it through chemistry, I wonder how he is at algebra? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: gnu Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:59 PM LH... sounds like the start of a party. Jean... I am sure you would be more than welcome, although you may be otherwise engaged? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:43 PM You know, I'm thinking that Shane McBride may finally have a living role model out there to give him something greater to aspire to in his lifelong pursuit to master the art of complete sloth... I'll give him your address, Spaw. If he shows up, be sure to have a spare couch and lots of beer handy. You'll know Shane when you see him by his Maple Leaf flag pin, his filthy jacket, his "GO LEAFS GO" hat on backwards, his uncombed shoulder length dirty blond hair and mustache, the five days of stubble on his chin, and the powerful whiff of seriously bad B.O. clinging in an almost palpable cloud around him. He will probably need a loan to tide him over, so have some cash handy too. Oh, and some cigarettes. Roll-your-owns are acceptable. Pizza would also be appreciated. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:39 PM Jean, I'll hold that drippy but sincere greeting close by til the actual day rolls around in about 6 months{;<)) Mick's on the other hand............................. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: kytrad (Jean Ritchie) Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:33 PM Dear Spaw- Do I dare send just a simple Happy Birthday in the middle of all this clever sarcasm and un-understandable jokes? I guess what I mean is that, if there IS a birth day somewhere in the year for you, Have a Happy One! Drippy but sincere, Jean |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Big Mick Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:29 PM I can vouch for the truth of that line of aul shite he just passed, Sins and jacqui. I know it to be true, as the subject came up at a bored meeting of Lane, Fielding, Patterson, and Swan, Layabouts at Large and for hire, Inc. Spawzer came to us with a problem. His house was so full of all the damndest bunch of gadgets you have ever seen. Singing trout, Nuns that fart, toys that make noise, the ugliest, most useless bunch of shit I have ever seen... He said a couple of old broa........ err ..... check that .... old wom ..... nope that won't work either ...... a couple of wonderful, youthful looking, vibrator..... I mean vibrant ...... lady friends from the strange land in the far Northeast had sent them. Given that he is a Layabout at Large, and taking the time to clean out this shitho...... I mean wonderful collection, would mean breaking a sweat, in violation of our Articles of Flatulation..... err, I meant Incorporation, he didn't know what to do. We took a break to consider the problem, went to the neighbors house, laid on his couch, drank his booze, watched his TV, farted the room up, and came back and reconvened. It was decided he should just move. Oh ..... yeah ....... Spaw ....... here's a kick in the 'nads for yah. Bite me. Mick Founder and Senior Partner Lane, Fielding, Patterson and Swan Layabouts at Large and For Hire Our Motto: It's the Least We Can Do |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:26 PM West Bumfuck, Egypt is the Mecca of the entire world for weird automated out-of-production gizmos like Bigmouth Billy Bass, Tickle-Me Elmo, the rare Whistling Belly Button device, old Joy Buzzers from the 60's, Singing and Dancing Santa, all that kind of stuff. If you want anything like that and you can afford the ticket and the time to go to Egypt, do so without hesitation, but take a lotta cash. You get only what you are willing to pay for, specially in West Bumfuck. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Rapparee Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:04 PM Again? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: gnu Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:01 PM And, I, for one of many, am thankful for that as well. Ya made me tear up, ya big galloot... and ya didn't even break wind. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:01 PM Dearest Jacqui and Sins.............. Whatever address you have for me is wrong. I assure you I am no longer wherever you think I am and as of tomorrow I'll be somewhere else. Just to reasssure you, the addy in Bremen is DEFINITELY no good unless you are sending large quantities of cash. Forward all noisy, obnoxious, aggravating, nerve severing gizmos which you have pervertedly acquired to West Bumfuck, Egypt. All My Love, Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 03 Jan 09 - 04:54 PM Basically around here its my birthday all year!!! At one point or another some wise-ass has either started or revived a birthday thread in just about every month. This latest renewal of a thread started long ago and two months early by Carol was done by Amos for reasons known or unknown by him. AS far as I am personally concerned there is some validity to the year round concept because every time I wake up I feel its a birthday. The heart is still, quite literally, ticking away and I am barely living through chemistry. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: jacqui.c Date: 03 Jan 09 - 04:48 PM Happy birthday Sweetheart, whenever it may be. You need a Bigmouth Billy Bass? Somewhere in the cellar I know we have one lurking. Next time I'm digging a hole for one of the Mudcat Miscreants I'll have a look for it. I know I've still got your address somewhere. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 03 Jan 09 - 04:39 PM Oh, fer Chrissake.....! You expect me to wade through all that? As you know, Spaw, I had tried to secure that vintage Bigmouth Billy Bass for you at the garage sale last summer, but when I went back for it, it was gone. I've been depressed ever since. It was still working too. It started singing when I walked by it the first time, and it worked well on repeated testings. I should have bought it right then when I had the chance! But no, I hesitated, and he who hesitates is lost. Oh woe is me! And woe is you too. This birthday could have been so special for you, had I struck while the iron was hot. I hardly know what to say, man. I have failed. Failed miserably. I am not fit to be ground up into dog chow. Well, happy birthday anyway, I guess....but I am still not going to wade through that whole frikkin' story you just posted. There are limits to my friendship and generosity. I know it's hard to believe...but I'm only human, eh? ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: gnu Date: 03 Jan 09 - 04:34 PM HBD you old fart. Love, as always, Gary |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Dave Swan Date: 03 Jan 09 - 04:33 PM Awwww, bite me. Nobody cares when you were born, or that you were born at all.... Love, D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 03 Jan 09 - 04:30 PM VIRGIN-TAM.......The person who started this thread has much to answer for and as it is currently HER birthday, I've decided on taking my revenge out now on her thread. But she's not above it all by any means..........Matter of fact she was a helper and co-conspirator in this past fiasco. So if you think there's a goldmine of stuff in past insanities, READ THIS and reconsider your decision. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Beer Date: 03 Jan 09 - 04:24 PM Belated best from Quebec. Adrien |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: katlaughing Date: 03 Jan 09 - 04:22 PM VATam, set the thread title age filter to ALL and put in "Spaw" for a search parameter, or maybe "catspaw" and see what comes up. There should be a thread among them which might explain how he keeps draggin' his saggy tortoise bottom in here despite what the docs have said in the past.:-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: SINSULL Date: 03 Jan 09 - 03:54 PM A birthday??? We have to look for a present! Somewhere in the basement is a singing reindeer head mounted on fake wood. He sings at least three songs and moves his head. Perfect! Happy unbirthday to you, beloved Spaw. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: wysiwyg Date: 03 Jan 09 - 03:50 PM Shit, again? Shit again? Shit again! :~) ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: VirginiaTam Date: 03 Jan 09 - 03:48 PM but there is a gold mine of good stuff in the past insanities. And I still don't know when is your birthday. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 03 Jan 09 - 02:49 PM .........aw geeziz....Are we going thru this again? Hmmmmm.........Oddly enough I was thinking about this damn thing when I saw Carol's birthday thread and thought, "I really owe her one and now may be the time." Amos made my decision easy........... VirginTam........I'm glad you're here and hope you enjoy the 'Cat. Just remember its a weird kinda' place and try to ignore past insanities in favor of current ones............. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: VirginiaTam Date: 03 Jan 09 - 01:51 PM when is his birthday? it is not at top of thread. only broken link to create a fart.com Couple of posts down it says 8 June 1949. If that is true, it six months 5 days to his birthday and another 10 years before he is 70. Hey. the Mudcat is teaching maths. that is amasing. blart.. now i can't speel or punctulate. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Alice Date: 03 Jan 09 - 01:50 PM you made it to another one.... GOOD JOB! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: katlaughing Date: 03 Jan 09 - 01:43 PM Whaddayamean seventy??!! He's 49 and holding, last I knew. (Was it really ten years ago he signed in with that?Phew!) Regardless...Happy Whatever birthday to my Evil Twin and one of my Best Friends! luvyaPeaches!! kat |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Amos Date: 03 Jan 09 - 01:21 PM Well, that time of year is rolling around again when Spaw's unbirth is to be celebrated throughout the land. Not everyone makes it to 70 while carrying the great burdens and stresses of being a Mudcat Senior Wiseguy and Acknowledged Elder. Here's to you, Spawzer!! A Bugatti of a boy. He's the only one I know who when asked in a singles bar what his sign is, he says "No Parking". Many happy re-runs, buddy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Tweed Date: 10 Jun 04 - 08:13 AM Oy MMario, wif Catspawz it should mebbe become a weekly tradition/fireworks display! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Lyrical Lady Date: 09 Jun 04 - 11:25 AM Happy Birthday Pat...all the best on your special day! Glad to see you're still alive and kicking! LL |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: John MacKenzie Date: 09 Jun 04 - 08:35 AM Well you can't be willy nilly about nihilism any more than you can be wishy washy about Washington namby pamby about Namibia or hee haw over Spaw JGM |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: MMario Date: 09 Jun 04 - 08:30 AM Don't be silly Tweed, the "burning of the shorts" is a CHRISTMAS custom! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Tweed Date: 09 Jun 04 - 08:28 AM Wellwellwell...I yam remiss and tardy in wishing ar own Spaw wif birthday happiness, but this iz perdy much a permathread anyhow so I will be the first to wish you a happy birfday for June 8, obv 2005. I hope you will git off yore lazy, methane-spewing ass and give us news of CLETUS, Pa, and them super-hero RegBoys, but I reckon you habv been busy wif makin' yore diddly bows obv late and habv no time for such pleasantrees these days. Anyhow, Happy Birthday you old fuck. Mebbe Karen will git you some new shorts and burn the old ones. Yerz, Tweed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: 42 Date: 09 Jun 04 - 07:29 AM apathetic nihilism ...whew...absolutely perfect... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Amos Date: 08 Jun 04 - 11:10 PM Only half the truth. The other half is that anything of value in life is put there, postulated into being from nothing, by someone deciding it is of value. Including the web of oddball interactions known as the Mudcat. In the face of such a decision, your apathetic nihilism holds no power. So solly. A |
