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BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
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Subject: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 24 Oct 03 - 05:29 PM I suspect some frigg'n stink beast has it in it's stupid little head that it's gonna winter under my back porch... Short of napalming it, any suggestions how to get it out? Dead is o.k... alive, it'll just breed... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Willie-O Date: 24 Oct 03 - 05:37 PM look in the yellow pages under "e". \ best o' luck mate. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 24 Oct 03 - 05:41 PM Ya... I'm on that... but I was hoping for some "home" suggestions from Catters while I chase pros... Maybe Like Fred Eaglesmith sings, "It's time to get a gun!" :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Liz the Squeak Date: 24 Oct 03 - 05:58 PM I'd suggest very carefully and then board up the gaps it got in through.... But what the heck, I quite like skunks. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: katlaughing Date: 24 Oct 03 - 05:59 PM A trail of food to a Hav-A-Heart trap and a call to your local wildlife refuge or county agent. They help keep down other rodents, ya know...:-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Greg F. Date: 24 Oct 03 - 06:10 PM Approach the problem per Kat & Liz, above, OR Just let it alone, avoid poking it in the eye with a sharp stick. It'll sleep most of the winter & leave in the spring. Folks think these guys are aggressive- not so. You've damn near got to step on'em to get them to spray you. I've live trapped & transferred a bunch of 'em with no problems. Now, if you've got dogs, its a different story. Dogs are too damn stupid to leave em' alone- even after they've got themselves sprayed. & hey, Kat- skunks ain't rodents, they're weasels! ;>) Best, Greg |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Jeri Date: 24 Oct 03 - 06:36 PM I seriously don't know. It wouldn't bother me except for me always wondering if I was going to startle it. I'd go with the Hav-a-Heart trap. I don't think spraying would be that much of a danger. As others have said, you really have to scare the hell out of them before they spray. Of course, if you catch it, you have to figure out how to move the bugger someplace else. Or you could block its entry route then just let it out of the trap. Try calling your local animal control folks. Skunks in America are one of the top rabies-carrying animals. Your skunk is probably a healthy Canadian skunk, but maybe the animal control people will be concerned enough to remove it. At the very least, they may have some better tips than I do. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: harpgirl Date: 24 Oct 03 - 06:54 PM I used to have a possum under my back deck. He moved on to better burrows and an armadillo moved in. It is quite disconcerting to hear the scrape, scrape of his hard shell on the brick outside my bedroom window at night! A skunk would be an improvement! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Bobert Date: 24 Oct 03 - 07:00 PM Don't trap it unless you've checked out yer local laws. Lots of states allow you to trap an animal but *not* release it! Sure, its just fine to take out yer danged 12 guage shotgun and blown the poor little thing up but now dopn't letn us catch you takin' it in the woods and releasing it. Nope, can't do it unless you are a certified "animal rehabilitator"... There are some products, most of which smell worser than poor Smelly, that you can spray u7nner yer porch but you may want to have Smelly back after usin' 'em... Now, here a fool proof plan... Go to yer local newspaper and look in ther "Giveawyas" section where folks give away dogs and cats... Find someone who is trying to give away a beagle and take the danged thing with the condition that you can return it if things don't work out. Now, let the beagle out and within a minute he will have found Smelly, got spayed by Smelly and chased Smelly way off into the woods. Then throw the beagle into a plastic bag with a couple air holes and take it back! Don't worry, beagles ain't killers, just chasers so no body gets hurt... Bobert p.s. If you do the beagle thing, don't do it to no nice people. When ya' call, if they sound nice, just try another the next one... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Ebbie Date: 24 Oct 03 - 07:10 PM Bobert, can we be assured that all skunks have medical degrees and experience? Besides, the beagle may not even be male, in which case the term is 'neutered'. :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: JohnInKansas Date: 24 Oct 03 - 07:16 PM When I was stationed at Yuma, I noticed one night (while walking the cats) that there were quite a few skunks in the area. A few nights of watching confirmed that they were camped out under the parade stand (sort of like a large porch without the house). I confirmed 32 skunks living in that 20 x 16 foot "skunk house." They were undisturbed by the parade with about a dozen major "brass hats" and their wives scuffling around on the stand, and by the 15-gun salute fired off within 20 feet of the stand. I was likely the only one who knew they were there. The only real concern is that they do eat carrion, and are thus susceptible to rabies. For that reason only, in my present present area where rabies is a concern, I might consider getting rid of one. Of course, if one exhibited rabid symptoms, he'd be dead ASAP. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Don Firth Date: 24 Oct 03 - 07:23 PM Hmm. And I thought this was another political thread. . . . Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: JohnInKansas Date: 24 Oct 03 - 07:24 PM Well, fat fingers did it again. Previous post should have said: When I was stationed at Yuma, I noticed one night (while walking the cats) that there were quite a few skunks in the area. A few nights of watching confirmed that they were camped out under the parade stand (sort of like a large porch without the house). I confirmed 32 skunks living in that 20 x 16 foot "skunk house." They were undisturbed by the parade (with about a dozen major "brass hats" and their wives scuffling around on the stand, and by the 15-gun salute fired off within 20 feet of the stand. I was likely the only one who knew they were there. The only real concern is that they do eat carrion, and are thus susceptible to rabies. For that reason only, in my present present area where rabies is a concern, I might consider getting rid of one. Of course, if one exhibited rabid symptoms, he'd be dead ASAP. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Bobert Date: 24 Oct 03 - 07:30 PM Ahhhhh, it has been brought to my lexdexic attention by Ebbie that ya' don't take yer danged beagle to a skunk to have it spayed, however, should you just want a smelly dog to live with, the skunk will be more than happy to, ahhhhh, *spray* it fir ya... Geeeze.... Bobret, ahhhhh, 'er Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Sorcha Date: 24 Oct 03 - 07:31 PM Besides, if you release it nearyby, it will just come back. It likes your porch. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: kendall Date: 24 Oct 03 - 07:40 PM Moth balls |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 24 Oct 03 - 07:45 PM Have-A-Heart? Feck that! I'm getting an exterminator to poision the hell outa this thing! Just gott akeep it from dying under the porch... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: katlaughing Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:06 PM Well, I knew it was a long shot given your proclaimed proclivities!:-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Bobert Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:17 PM Don't do it, Clinton, don't do it. Skunks ain't bad folk. They'z really kind nice fellers. I had a friend once who had one fir a pet... Oh yeah, it had been un-smelled... Fir what yer gettin' ready to pay some guy to poison it and then have it probably die right unner where yer bedroom is, you could trap it, take it to a vet and have it de-smelled, bring it home and set up a litter box fir it in the corner... They'z really nice once ya' get to know 'em.... Don't kill poor ol' cute little Smelly! Don't do it... Please... Sniff... Ahhhh, no don't sniff... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Clint Keller Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:26 PM My mother has had the occasional skunk under the porch. She puts out cat food for them. clint |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Mark Clark Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:30 PM It turns out if you do a Google search for “getting-rid-of-skunks” you'll come up with some useful ideas. And Bob Vila's discussion board has a thread that sounds like the voice of experience. I'd give that some serious consideration. A lot of good stories at Country Living, Country Skills. Some of the ideas might work. Lots of luck. - Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:34 PM You got a gun, or a frend with a gun? if so, shoot it. can you eat them? make a pie! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Stilly River Sage Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:39 PM Moth balls are a biohazard all around, and best not used for anything, not even moths. We had a skunk living in the green electric company box in the utility easment in our back yard (it was where the electric service wiring originated for several houses in our part of the block). I called the power company and he got rid of it very easily. He sprayed the box with an industrial equivalent of WD-40, used a whole can. Said they'd figured out that skunks didn't like the smell of it and would go away and stay away. It worked. I'd board up the hole after you get your uninvited guest out of there. Rabies is a big problem in skunks in North America. In Texas they have resorted to studding chunks of meat with doses of rabies vaccine and throwing them out of airplanes for coyotes and skunks and other meat eaters, to try to keep the rabies down. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Stilly River Sage Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:44 PM A point of clarification--he sprayed the inside of the box, not outside or around it. Just inside. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Jeri Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:53 PM As a former vet tech and public health weenie, it's not what an animal eats that passes rabies. It's what tries to eat the animal. Mothballs sound like a good idea. I tried them on the squirrel in my attic. They didn't bother the squirrel, but I'll bet he had fewer fleas than most of his pals. I don't know if predator piss works |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Ebbie Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:53 PM You could all move to Alaska- no more problems. We have skunk cabbage but no skunks. Or snakes, for that matter. We do have porcupines - and bears, martens, wolverines, wolves... A porky or two makes its home under one of the hillside stairs near my house. (Sorry about the ribbing, Bobret.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 24 Oct 03 - 09:16 PM "Don't do it, Clinton, don't do it." If you don't pay rent, or are uninveited, you don't get to live here with me... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 24 Oct 03 - 09:17 PM Uninvited even... *fecking godamn No Edit Feature message Board* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: harpgirl Date: 24 Oct 03 - 09:36 PM ...right, Kendall! They worked for me!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: LadyJean Date: 24 Oct 03 - 10:02 PM There was an article in "Smithsonian Magazine" about skunks this summer, I'm betting you know someone with back issues. I'm sure your local Humane Society, if there is one, will remove your striped guest for you. When my sister's awsomely stupid rottweiller chased a skunk they bathed him in spaghetti sauce. Tomato juice is the more usual remedy for eau de skunk. My first kiss was facilitated by a skunk, so I'm partial to the little stinkers. But I wouldn't want one on my porch. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Bill D Date: 24 Oct 03 - 10:30 PM get a trap...tie LONG rope to trap...bait & trap skunk....drag trap as far as you care to...do whatever you feel appropriate when you get there. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Little Hawk Date: 25 Oct 03 - 12:11 AM Oddly enough, the skunk contacted me not a week ago with a similar request: namely, how does he get rid of Clinton Hammond? Well, we've been exchanging email on the matter for a bit now, but have yet to come up with a totally surefire way that doesn't have disturbing ramifications. Napalm would destroy the house, causing the skunk to have to move. Poison might work, if we could find the right bait... Guns are out. It's not legal to discharge a gun within city limits, not even for a skunk. Persuasion? Forget it! Clinton is impervious to reason or goodwill. Boarding up any apertures through which Clinton might intrude on the skunk's quarters is a step in the right direction, but then there are still the awful cooking smells and the loud, offensive music at unskunkly hours. The Hav-a-Heart trap is too gentle a device for dealing with Clinton, but bear traps are expensive, and they're also a bit obvious...probably wouldn't work. Mothballs in sufficient quantity might drive Clinton away, but would also render the property unlivable. (We're talking at least 5,000 pounds of mothballs here...) Predator piss is an interesting notion! We are presently in contact with a grizzly bear who says he is willing to pee all over Clinton if we pay his fare from Alberta to Ontario and back and throw in a couple of crates of frozen salmon. We'll be looking into this further and should have a solution by early November. Stay posted. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: LadyJean Date: 25 Oct 03 - 12:16 AM Skunks are related to badgers. I just thought people would like to know. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: NicoleC Date: 25 Oct 03 - 01:19 AM This is not a DUMB skunk. After all, he's found a nice protected and well-built spot for the winter where he's likely to catch a little radiant heat from the house. A dumb (or desperate) skunk would be trying to make himself a home in a stump somewhere. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Ely Date: 25 Oct 03 - 01:44 AM I know you can trap raccoons with plain old Wonder Bread but I don't know if it works on skunks. I personally don't like poisoning things (it makes me feel bad, and I once had a rat get even by dying inside the wall and smelling up my house for MONTHS) so I'd call the wildlife rehab people and ask for help. We got rid of the raccoons in the attic by waiting until we knew they were out and then boarding up all the openings we could find. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: HuwG Date: 25 Oct 03 - 04:03 AM Ebbie, re this post, LOL. My friend once took a job as Receptionist at a Veterinary Practice. She lasted less than a week; she was always helpless with laughter whenever anyone asked to have their cat "sprayed", "splayed" or even "spaded". As to what to do about Pepe le Pew, Jeri might be on the right track with his suggestion of exotic animal urine. On the Radio Programme, "Gardeners' Question Time" in the UK, someone plagued with cats in a vegetable patch was recommended to obtain some tiger poop from a local zoo or travelling circus. There is a potential drawback in that anything pungent and potent enough to force Pepe to decamp will probably send Clinton packing too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Liz the Squeak Date: 25 Oct 03 - 07:58 AM Think a bit - would you rather have a nice, quiet, hibernating animal under your porch, who isn't going to do anything but maybe snore gently and eat garbage, unless you are REALLY stupid and antagonise him, or would you rather have a nice, quiet, decomposing animal under your porch, stinking out the whole house for months on end without the benefit of spraying? I know what I'd prefer.... but I haven't got that sort of porch. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: gnu Date: 25 Oct 03 - 08:07 AM Get a piece of painted board about as wide as the opening and of length to suit. Caulk a large bead around the edge of the board. Place a slight amount of motor oil within the caulking and situate the board, firmly, where the skunk must walk on it. It won't return. The simplest ? Wait until dusk and then bait it out and board up the hole. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Mr Red Date: 25 Oct 03 - 08:14 AM Just a thought - but what stink do they hate most? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: gnu Date: 25 Oct 03 - 08:20 AM Oops ! I forgot the most important part. To prevent it from digging a new entrance, you have to "tell" it that you don't allow trespassers. If you are shy (yeah, right, Clinton shy !!!) you can piss in a container and spread it where you board up the hole. Of course, if it has as cantankerous an attitude as yours, the ensuing pissing contest may be worse than letting it stay. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: RichM Date: 25 Oct 03 - 11:38 AM Leave the skunk alone, it'll do the same for you.... I occasionally have a skunk that will live under the back porch for a while, sometimes even with a kit or two....but then again, if it freaks you out, by all means KILL KILL KILL.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 25 Oct 03 - 12:30 PM "Leave the skunk alone," I would if it didn't stink like hell.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Sammy (the skunk) Date: 25 Oct 03 - 01:31 PM And I suppose you think that your detestable cooking odors are like the breath of Spring in my nostrils? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Q (Frank Staplin) Date: 25 Oct 03 - 01:49 PM I have friends who have a skunk that nests under their porch-deck every year (may be second or third generation by now). When the kits are able to move easily, they leave. As someone above said, their cats accept them. Never a defensive gas attack. To remove the odor from a dog, use a good liquid soap and water. The tomato juice fakelore just replaces the skunk perfume with rotten tomato odor. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 25 Oct 03 - 01:55 PM Guest... Chew me.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: EBarnacle1 Date: 25 Oct 03 - 02:13 PM Having spent many festivals with skunks in the near neighborhood, I say leave them alone and they will leave you along. If you would like a nice, graphic description of what happens when you disturb a perfectly peaceful skunk, even with "approved methods," read Farley Mowat's book, "The Dog who wouldn't be." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Chip2447 Date: 25 Oct 03 - 02:22 PM Clinton, get a long forked stick, or a piece of barbed wire. Run that into the hole until you make contact with something warm a squishy, like a critter body. Now, start to twist the stick or barbed wire, twist him up in his own hide and drag him out, grab it by the tail, making quite sure that it CANNOT brace it's front feet on anything. Now that you have a handful of skunk the rest of its easy. PM me if you want to know how to make a scumbag stink bomb out of it.. Chip2447 |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Gareth Date: 25 Oct 03 - 07:46 PM MMm ! Chip2447 - And if the skunk manages to get its front paws in the brace position ? - Do we have to disconect our MicroSoft "advanced olefactory reproduction" cards and "skunkware" ??? to log into a CH post ??? Gareth ***BG*** |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Sammy (the skunk) Date: 25 Oct 03 - 07:51 PM You're the one who ought to be labelled "GUEST", Clinton. My ancestors inhabited this spot long before you were an unholy gleam in your father's eye. You are a Johnny-come-lately. Your nefarious plans to evict me and end my life will come to naught. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Lyle Date: 25 Oct 03 - 09:46 PM Been there done that. Moth balls won't work unless the temp under the porch is VERY high, and even then it seldom works, so forget that idea. Here is what worked for me. Seal around the porch excepr for one (and only one) outlet big enough for the skunk to use as an exit. That doesn't have to be very big. Take a tank vacuum - a shop vac works best - and put the hose on so that it blows outward. Stick the hose through the seal in a spot as far from the opening you left as possible. Heat a gallon or two (how much depends on the space under the porch) of ammonia. It doesn't have to be hot, but if vaporizes better if it is. I heated mine on an outdoor gas grill. Pour the heated ammonia in the vacuum, turn it on and get the hell outa there! If possible, watch from inside to see when it runs out the opening. Lyle |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Little Hawk Date: 25 Oct 03 - 10:15 PM Lyle, that is positively diabolical! It will get the skunk out all right, but what's to prevent him coming back after the ammonia disperses? Or do you figure to seal the last opening after the skunk leaves? This sounds like a great method for getting a bunch of shiftless rock musicians who won't pay their rent out of a building to me (the time to do it would be early in the morning). I will advise my friends in Orillia who are landlords. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Louie Roy Date: 25 Oct 03 - 11:16 PM Make a mixture of 4 parts corn starch plus plus 4 parts plaster of parris ad 4 part powdered Boric Acid and set it under the porch and in a few days you will have a dead skunk easy to remove and no smell Louie Roy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Stilly River Sage Date: 26 Oct 03 - 01:05 AM And dead anything else that lives around there. All of these toxic suggestions are depressing. All you need to do is repel the skunk, not nuke it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Mr Red Date: 26 Oct 03 - 06:40 AM cue song ---- Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Porch --- OK, who has got the first line? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Jeri Date: 26 Oct 03 - 09:12 AM I don't know if this is starting to sound more like Wile E. Coyote (get a crane, suspend a safe from it, and...) or Bill Murray in Caddyshack (try dynamite). In any case, if you kill it under the porch, you've got stink, which is annoying, but is also bait for other critters. If you kill it outside the porch, you have to get it there, acquire the means to snuff it, then dispose of it. It just seems like the least labor-intensive solution is to get it out and board up the hole. If you just get rid of the skunk without sealing up its entrance/exit, something else will likely move in. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 26 Oct 03 - 09:56 AM "All of these toxic suggestions are depressing." Then don't read the thread... The thought of a dead pest bothers me not at all... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Mr Red Date: 26 Oct 03 - 10:01 AM I assume from all this that you have successfully deployed the elephant repellant all along - right Clinton? What a relief. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: SINSULL Date: 26 Oct 03 - 11:34 AM I had a skunk living under my porch at my last apartment. I used to put out food for the local stray cats in winter. One night, there were four cats and the skunk all socializing around the food dish on my porch. I rather liked the little guy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Sammy (the skunk) Date: 26 Oct 03 - 01:47 PM "The thought of a dead pest bothers me not at all..." So happens I feel the same way about you, Clinton. You are digging yourself a very deep hole, buster. You'll sneer out of the other side of your unpleasant face when the grizzly gets here. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Stilly River Sage Date: 26 Oct 03 - 04:16 PM Sinsull, that's a cute image. We've seen a lot of skunks over the years in campgrounds, and usually just a foot stamp or a handful of pebbles will chase them off. They are beautiful little animals, as long as they're not rabid and a health threat. Sammy, is this the guy you called? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Metchosin Date: 26 Oct 03 - 04:29 PM Skunks has lived for a number of years under my daughter's house. The previous tenants used the house as a Grow-Op for BC bud and apparently it was common to use the wee beasties to mask the smell of the illicit home industy. In the two years that my daughter has been in the house, the skunks have caused no problem for her, other than a few neighbourhood cats going home smelling really awful. My daughter is not particularly a cat fan, so she is in no hurry to remedy the situation, as it tends to keep the cats from fouling the garden. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Sammy (the skunk) Date: 26 Oct 03 - 05:03 PM Yes, cats usually get along fine with us skunks, and we sometimes play together. Cats are okay with me. Dogs, on the other hand, are total assholes! That picture you put the link to looks very much like the grizzly I have hired to dispose of Clinton, Stilly River Sage. I'd give it to the unfriendly bugger myself, with both barrels, but I'm afraid that like a really stupid dog he would just keep coming back for more. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: HuwG Date: 26 Oct 03 - 05:46 PM Would some suitable decoy work ? Click here |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Chip2447 Date: 26 Oct 03 - 11:32 PM "Crossing the highway late last night, he should've looked left and he should've looked right. He didnt see the station wagon car, the skunk got squashed and there you are..." Izzat close enought Mr. Red? Chip2447 (amazed at how his mind rememebers this trivial shit, and cant remember family birthdays) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST Date: 27 Oct 03 - 12:23 AM Drugs'll do that to you. . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Gareth Date: 28 Oct 03 - 11:23 AM Hey Clinton - try this indonesian cure ! Click 'Ere Gareth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Bill D Date: 28 Oct 03 - 11:30 AM I dunno, Gareth...he may not want that polecat to be squeeeezed too much! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 28 Oct 03 - 02:45 PM Leaving it in the hands of the pros... who will come, make sure there's only one path out for it, and corral it into a trap baited with poison! They'll come set it, and they screw off fer a bit... they'll come back just after dusk when the thing gets moving and collect the body.... Easy peasy lemon squeezey So, Guest Sammy The Skunk... you lose... Care to play again? Oops... I'm sorry... you can't... cause yer DEAD! Fawk you.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Jeri Date: 28 Oct 03 - 04:02 PM Let us know how (or IF) it comes out. I like critters, but I'm fairly sensitized to them invading my territory, and I figure I'm part of nature's pecking order too. Luckily, squirrels have been evicted from the attic and main part of the house without bloodshed. I yelled at the chipmunks in the basement and they haven't been back. (Or they've at least not had any loud family squabbles.) The mice aren't faring so well. I've never been squeamish about dead animals - I once discovered a dead rat on the sidewalk outside of my school and handed over the corpse to a teacher who chased another teacher with it. No matter that HE did the chasing, I'm probably STILL on the woman's shit list. I don't like actually killing them, but I'm sure starting to become de-sensitized to mouse murdering. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 28 Oct 03 - 04:09 PM Death is a natural part of invasion... We invaded thier natural habitat... and a lot of them died... now they invade ours... and a lot of them die... See this? This is the worlds smallest violin playing just for them.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: LadyJean Date: 29 Oct 03 - 12:31 AM If the skunk sprays before he dies, you'll have a souvenir that could last until Christmas, and make for a very interesting holiday. If it dies under your porch, and you don't get it out, you will have an even more interesting holiday. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Little Hawk Date: 29 Oct 03 - 01:09 AM You remind me of the character "Otto", in "A Fish Called Wanda", Clinton. You're so full of compassion and general goodwill toward living creatures, and so ready to seek mutually beneficial solutions to problems. We had a guy kind of like you as a neighbour once. He was obsessed with ridding the neighborhood of a groundhog that he felt was undermining his garden (it was not, in my opinion). He put out poison on the wooded bank between the properties to kill the groundhog, but didn't bother telling anyone about it. The poison killed not only the groundhog, but also our dog, our other neighbour's dog, and several chipmunks. There may have been other fatalities as well, I'm not sure, perhaps a few birds too and a cat or two. All in all, I'm thinking the poison ended up everywhere except the one place where it might have done the most good. The groundhog was a far more agreeable neighbour to all of us than the idiot who decided to kill him. Knew about another guy who regularly poisoned squirrels because they were eating his birdseed. A friend who lived next door to the guy threatened to report him for so doing, and he was enraged. "I've lived here all my life!" he fumed, as if that gives him some special dispensation to murder small animals. "Mushrooms live in the same place all their lives too," replied my friend, "It's nothing to be proud of." Your professionals could just as well use a drug that puts the skunk to sleep, couldn't they? But that would take some imagination... - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Raptor Date: 29 Oct 03 - 10:14 AM So I guess you thought god was just fucking around when he made that " THO SHALL NOT KILL COMANDMENT " eh? clinton? Or should I say GEORGE BUSH???? Thats right I found out your true identity! You are really GEORGE BUSH ! posing as a canadian male musician! What tipped me off you ask? You allways talk about killing as the answer., You don't care about anyone but yourself., You seem illinformed about everything. Need I go on ? If you were who you clamed to be (canadian Male Musician ) You'd be out drinking good beer triing to get laid and have a live and let live attitude that kept us out of the Wepons of Mass destruction Wild goose chase! Nice try Georgie go back to texASS and listen to a dixie chicks album! And try to remember the last time you yanks triied to invade us (1812) we sent you packing!!!! Raptor P.S. To be taken as a joke Anyone who wishes to take offence to my post can call 1 800 eat-me! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Bobert Date: 29 Oct 03 - 11:32 AM Well, danged, Raptor. I was just gonna suggest that Clinton call GWBush up and tell him that Osoma is hidin' under Clinton's porch. Guess that won't work now.... Me and Wes Ginny slide rule gonna get back to the drawing board on this one... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Little Hawk Date: 29 Oct 03 - 12:21 PM That's a great idea, Bobert! We could all inform Dubya that that is exactly where Osama is...under Clinton's porch, and I could then advise Sammy to get out of the area immediately. I betcha in no time flat a tactical air strike would come in and reduce Clinton's residence and the block around it to a heap of burning rubble, quite regardless of Canadian sovereignty. This would cause Sammy to have to move to new quarters, but it might also get a useful point across to people who ponder murdering skunks for no good reason. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 29 Oct 03 - 12:26 PM There is no god... "You're so full of compassion and general goodwill toward living creatures, and so ready to seek mutually beneficial solutions to problems" Who said I ever wanted to be... at least in this specific situation... whatever... It's moot... it's over... it's dead... Go hug a rainbow... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Gareth Date: 29 Oct 03 - 01:07 PM Now there is a thought ! Tell GWB jnr that Osman bib Ladin is hiding uder Clinton's porch (Ignor the Hammond bit !!) and I reckon that skunk will be dead within seconds, along with anthing else within a 10 mile radius, and the religious right will appear on the idiots lantern to say that it was justified by "Gawd" ! Gareth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Bobert Date: 29 Oct 03 - 01:21 PM Well, danged, Slide Rule, what's ya got to say fir yer self now... Just got a entire town bombed back to the Stone Ages! Not only that, but the poor skunk is now nuthin' more than collaterial damage... Any other bright ideas? Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Oct 03 - 11:00 AM There are more skunks where that one came from. The struggle is not over. We shall overcome! Sammy's martyrdom will serve to inspire others to harass Clinton Hammond until justice is done. As for there being "no God"...Ha! I laugh in your general direction. You are like a fish who fails to recognize the existence of the ocean all around him, and swears that it's a myth when he hears mention of it. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: katlaughing Date: 30 Oct 03 - 11:52 AM CH, I really thought, deeep down, under all of that bluster, there lurked a fairly compassionate heart. I hope your next reincarnation is as a skunk. It'd be an improvement, in some ways. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Arne Langsetmo Date: 30 Oct 03 - 09:48 PM A man went to the store one day, and asked the proprietor about the best way to get rid of the skunks under his porch. The proprietor said: "Buy some lutefisk, and put it under the porch. The smell will drive them away." The man came back in a week later, and the proprietor asked him if the skunks were gone. The man replied, "Sure, sure, but now how do I get rid of dose darn Norwegians?" * * * * A man went to the store and asked to buy some lutefisk. The clerk said, "Oh, you're Norwegian!" The man got indignant and said, "Why do you assume I'm Norwegian? If I bought some Polish sausage, would you assume I must be Polish? If I asked for French bread, would you insist I'm French? Why do you say I'm Norwegian just because I ask for lutefisk?" The clerk answered, "Because this is a hardware store. . . ." ;-) Cheers, -- Arne Langsetmo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Yeah, but... Date: 30 Oct 03 - 11:25 PM Aha-ha! ha! ha! ha! Great jokes, Arne! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Stilly River Sage Date: 30 Oct 03 - 11:34 PM Pretty good! I had a cousin, who died about a year ago, who was famous for his lutefisk jokes. The local paper used to run a few every so often, catering to the Norwegian community. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: katlaughing Date: 31 Oct 03 - 12:48 AM CH, I am sorry for the last part of my remark. I still feel sorry for the critter, though. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: EBarnacle Date: 31 Oct 03 - 11:23 AM Gee, I thought lutefisk was a hardware item. It is hard enough to be turned into tools. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Arne Langsetmo Date: 31 Oct 03 - 12:28 PM EBarnacle: Ummmm, that's before we dump it into a vat of caustic lye for a half year to bring out the piquancy. After this, it's a jelly-like mush which had to be exempted by statute specifically in Wisconsin law from the hazardous substances regulations. Before this coup de grace, it is hard as a rock and flat as a pancake (resembling pretty much the dead fish your see dried to a yellow crisp on a beach), but at that point it's just dried cod, and not actually lutefisk. HTH. Cheers, -- Arne Langsetmo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 31 Oct 03 - 12:40 PM BLLLUEU-UIYUGHTH-RRGHEH-AUGGRHTHPTT!!! (sound of me barfing on the back stairs...) - BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Gareth Date: 31 Oct 03 - 12:46 PM Lutefisk ? - I thought it was the peice of Cod whixh passes all understanding ! Gareth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: GUEST,Arne Langsetmo Date: 31 Oct 03 - 01:52 PM Gareth: Nah. That was what Dubya was wearing for his brave carrier landing to declare "mission accomplished". Cheers, -- Arne Langsetmo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Cluin Date: 31 Oct 03 - 02:55 PM Poisoning a skunk this close to Hallowe'en, Clint? A dangerous activity. You might have to get a specialist over to banish the vengeful spirit. And they don't come any more vengeful than a murdered member of the weasel family. I'd recommend that psychic dwarf lady from Poltergeist. Have some Timbits and coffee ready. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Clinton Hammond Date: 31 Oct 03 - 03:05 PM You mean Zelda Rubinstein? She could probably use the work... Besdies... I made my saving throw vs the Undead, so the spirit has no effect on me... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Cluin Date: 31 Oct 03 - 05:32 PM Jeez! Are you still a D&D nerd? ;) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch From: Peace Date: 01 Nov 03 - 04:11 PM Whisper in its ear, and it will follow you anywhere. Tell him he's been elected. Play irritating music, real LOUD. Put pepper under your porch. Send in a cat with a white stripe down its back. |
