BS: What do you want on your gravestone?

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: gnu
Date: 23 Oct 05 - 08:26 PM

Get off me!

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 05 - 07:15 PM

Actually, I want to be encased in plastic, like those starfish and things in a high school biology lab. I want to be standing up when this is done and the plastic made into a cylinder.

A hookeye should be placed in the plastic, and a hole drilled to accomodate the cylinder. On top will be a cylindrical gravestone giving my name, dates (birth and death, not all of those girls), and a few facts about me -- my Nobel Peace Prize, a list of my Grammys and Oscars, etc. The epitath will read "Still thirsty!" or "Returned to Sender" or something equally short.

BUT! When folks in the future wonder what I looked like, all they have to do is pull out the gravestone, hook a derrick or wrecker or whatever to the eyebolt, and hoist away! Up I'll come, looking as natural as the day I was put into the plastic.

My eyes open, mouth in a nice smile, both middle fingers upraised....

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Peace
Date: 23 Oct 05 - 06:27 PM

Sounds like a plan. What's it cost?

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Firecat
Date: 23 Oct 05 - 05:18 PM

When I eventually go (hopefully not before 5 January 2084, my 100th birthday) I'd like a process I read about in the paper. First the body is dipped into liquid nitrogen, then is gently shaken so it becomes a powder. A magnet is used to get rid of any metal (fillings, false joints etc), and the powder is put into a coffin made of potato or maize starch. This is buried and a tree is planted in the soil above the coffin. After about a year, the coffin has biodegraded and turned into compost. A plaque shows who is being grown on.

The plaque should read either "She grew on people, now something's growing on her", or "Now, weary traveller, rest your head, For just like me, you're utterly dead".

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: bobad
Date: 23 Oct 05 - 04:25 PM

You can have your body turned into a permanent work of art.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Mr Red
Date: 23 Oct 05 - 04:07 PM

"If you can read this YOU ARE TOO DAMN CLOSE"

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Peace
Date: 23 Oct 05 - 02:48 PM

Was kinda hoping for

b. 1947- d. 2057

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From:
Date: 23 Oct 05 - 02:47 PM

Your original message says that you are one of (if not the only) people still SINGING this song.
I am impressed out of my mind!
I didn't think anybody still knew this song.
As for the male singers referenced as having sung and/or recorded the piece, that is begging the question. The lyrics hardly conduce a male speaker (though I have to admit that my devotion to the song has persuaded me to sing it every now and then).
thanks for your note &
best regards &
keep on keepin on
doc

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 11:18 AM

WHAT, NO ENCORE!!!!

or

THIS IS A GRAVE SITUATION.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: kendall
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 11:16 AM

On a stone in Tombstone Arizona:

He called Bill Smith a liar.

and:
Here lies Fred. He's dead, there's no more to be said.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Juan P-B
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 06:57 PM

My Missus is as houseproud as they come so when I go I'm gonna be cremated and have my ashes scattered on our front room carpet

Then there was they gay who died - His loving partner had him cremated then mixed him into a Vindaloo Curry just so that he could tear his arse up one last time

Juan P-B

PS - Nice to see Martine Gibbon is still getting up peoples snotters!!

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 07:07 PM

There's a story about a bloke in Yorkshire whose wife died. He wanted on the gravestone under her name "She was thine". He went to see the grave and the mason had put on the stone "She was thin." So he rang the mason and told he'd left the E out. He went back the following week and it read "Eeee, she was thin!" :)

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 05:46 PM

Well, the fact is you DO only live once as the specific role you are playing in this life....regardless of reincarnation. So it makes sense either way.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 01:16 PM

So do you believe in re-incarnation???
These two guys were talking in a hotel I was in.....One asked the other what he was doing there and he told him he was in London for the
"Conference on Reincarnation".
He said "I have paid £5500 altogether to come from America and stay at this expensive hotel, just for the conference".
The man he was talking to said..."That is a lot of money"
To which the American man replied "Well I thought, what the heck man You only live once!!!!....................
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: GUEST,The Original Web Geek
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 01:10 PM

Mr. T Ate My Balls

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 01:02 PM

I think I'd like something like:

"For sale or rent, 300-year-old gravestone. Owner still alive and can't be bothered storing it."

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 12:23 PM

"I thank my parents without whom I would have never come this far"

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 07:20 AM

Two Beings clothed in Light saying "She is not here".    :-)

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Cluin
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 01:58 AM

On a grave in the East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.

Epitaph for a loving husband, by his widow:
Rest in peace - Until we meet again.

From Shropshire, England:
Here lies the body of Martha Elias
Always busy, but not very pious
She lived to the age of threescore and ten
And gave to the worms what she refused to men.

In Devon, England:
Here lie I, by the chancel door,
Here lie I, because I'm poor,               
The farther in, the more you pay,
Yet here lie I, as warm as they.

One from a graveyard in Sargentville, Maine:
Sacred to the memory of Elisha Philbrook and his wife
Beneath these stones do lie, back to back, my wife and I
When the last trumpet the air shall fill,
If she gets up, I'll just lie still.

From Kilmurry, Ireland:
This stone was raised by Sarah's lord,
Not Sarah's virtues to record,
For they're well known to all the town,
But it was raised to keep her down.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.

Here lies the body of an atheist...
All dressed up and no place to go

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 01:36 AM

HE KNEW WHAT FOLK MUSIC IS (and M.G. didn't!)

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:40 AM

Anonymous Guest

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: mooman
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:16 AM

"Impermanence" or just plain blank will do me fine.

Peace

moo

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: GUEST,Kendall
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:11 AM

I knew if I lived long enough something like this would happen

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 08:01 PM

Oh, I see... :-)

I've been thinking of putting a photo of Martin Gibson on my gravestone, so as to scare away potential grave-robbers. (Not that there'd be any point robbing my grave...)

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Peace
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 07:33 PM

Get it written using the futhorc alphabet and really screw 'em up. (And put the birth/death dates to 1,200 years ago.) Drive someone nuts after you're gone.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: GUEST,Cluin
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 02:37 PM

Coz it'll be on the gravestone.

Y'know, written in stone an' all that?

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 10:40 AM

Cliun - How do you know that for sure?

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 03:55 AM

I don't know about anybody else but I'm finding this current crop of macabre postings and intimations of mortality......well a little unnerving. On blokes on about what to do with his instruments when he's dead , and this one.

Come back sir jOhn with his dead cats, etc

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Cluin
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 01:48 AM

Being dead sucks

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: GUEST,stevi
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 05:32 PM

they say that when yer go yer cant take it with you ! if its not their when ive gone ime coming back!

stevi

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: beadie
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:21 PM

Thanks for the offer, Rapaire.    I'll tell the Missus that she won't have to dust my urn every week.

. . . I'd much rather fertilise the fairway (or the rough) than occupy a six by three foot chunk of it with an obstacle in the form of a gravestone impeding the ball's trajectory to the pin.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Cluin
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 03:37 PM

"I've got Oreos down here..."

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 02:43 PM

I intend to be cremated, after they've taken anything healthy enough to be useful to anyone else. If there's any kind of a memorial that my family puts up it should read:
   "Throughout eternity to thee
    A joyful song I'll raise;
    But, oh -- ETERNITY'S TOO SHORT
    To utter all thy praise."
This is the last verse of a poem by Addison (remember paradox in high school Eng. Lit. class?) the whole of which is a hymn in the Episcopal Hymnal(1940 & '82). One of my favorites.    Tw

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:47 AM

This is widely runoured to be authentic:

Here lies the bones of Elizabeth Moore
Born a virgin, died a whore.
She was aye a virgin at seventeen
A remarkable thing in Aberdeen.

But I want:

He never realised that it's never too late
until it was too late

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Pogo
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 09:17 PM

I would have a gravstone laid on the ground

On one side it would have " Please Turn Me Over "

And the other side would have " Thanks...I needed that "

{O)

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 04:57 PM

Well, I got a few ideas on this...

How about: "What are YOU lookin' at???"

Or: "On Vacation till further notice"

Or a button. A red button. No explanation. When the person pushes the button a panel opens in the gravestone and a fake tommygun pops out and blasts 'em with blank cartridges!!! Then my voice says, "Oh! Sorry about that... I thought it was the North Side gorillas comin' to collect."

I wanta be buried as close to King Kong as I can manage, but I ain't goin' till I'm good and ready!

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 04:41 PM

A number of years ago (I've got the clipping somewhere in my files), a pub was selling final resting places in the brick wall of the pub and under the brick floor.

Jay Smith still owned The Press Room at the time, and I suggested the idea to him. I wanted the spot behind the painting above the bar or maybe a plaque under my favorite bar stool (even though I spend most of my Press Room time holding down a chair in the session/singaround corner).

I know I'd like to have all that conviviality and music around my final resting place.

There's a guy in Boston who has a grave warming ceremony every year. He has a piper lead the parade to the cemetery, then he lies down on his plot for a few minutes, and then everyone retires to the local pub for a pint.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: mg
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 11:51 PM

stop right where you are and say a prayer to get me out of purgatory. mg

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Peace
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 10:37 PM

Count Dracula

1236-
1458-
1527-
1703-
1823-
1995-

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 10:07 PM

George Orwell said that if he were a woman, he would like

Stand close around, ye Stygian set,
With Dirce in one boat conveyed,
Lest Charon, seeing, should forget
That he is old and she a shade.

He said it would almost be worth being dead to have that written about you. I feel the same about this one from Mencken's Quotations:

Here lies Sir Jenkin Grout, who loved his friend, and persuaded his enemy; what his mouth ate, his hand paid for: what his servants robbed, he restored: if a woman gave him pleasure, he supported her in pain: he never forgot his children: and whoso touched his finger, drew after it his whole body.

Mencken also quotes the following by Byron:

Posterity will ne'er survey
A nobler grave than this:
Here lies the bones of Castlereagh:
Stop, traveler, -------.

There is also something to be said for the end of a famous poem by Goethe:

Warte nur, balde
Ruhest du auch.

Be patient: soon you will rest too.

In the real world, tho, I expect to follow my mother to the Boston University School of Medicine.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Snuffy
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 07:48 PM

I like the one for the village postmistress:

Here lies Martha Jones, spinster and
For forty years postmistress

returned unopened

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 07:23 PM

This is an outrage! Don't you know who I am?

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 07:15 PM

After having seen "The Vanishing" how about "Dig! Now please!"

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 07:12 PM

What do I want on my gravestone? Chutney. Or maybe some good salsa. I never eat gravestones without something spicey on them. If there's anything more bland tasting than a gravestone, I don't know what it is.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Big Mick
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 06:24 PM

"Look, he's moving"

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: harpgirl
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 06:14 PM

WAIT!!! I have to tune my autoharp first!

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 05:55 PM

Ship your ashes to me, beadie, and I'll sprinkle them on the 2nd fairway of the Highland Golf Course -- actually, I'll just dump them over my back fence and you'll be in the rough, but what the hell -- most of the golfers around here seem to spend an eternity there.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: beadie
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 04:19 PM

I'm rather partial to the epitaph that Peter O'Toole claims to have appropriated from a note sent to him by his dry-cleaner, . . .

    "it distresses us to return a piece of work uncompleted."



Personally, I'll be cremated, . . . I don't want to unnecessarily take up good fairway.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: akenaton
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 03:54 PM

"I have no connection to Huntington Life Scieces"

Subject: RE: BS: What do you want on your gravestone?
From: Megan L
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 02:00 PM

My aunt has "you love me best who are happy for me"

some old ones
Here lies the father of 49 he would have had more but he didnt have time.

Here lies Ann Mann she lived and old maid and died an old mann.

here we lie back to back my wife and I and when the final trump shall trill if she gets up then i'll lie still.

Mine "so thats what that button did"