BS: politically correct christmas...

Subject: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: tarheel
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 07:59 PM

'Twas The Night Before Christmas Politically Correct

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves."
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with four pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the EPA

And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard roof noises up on their roof-tops.

Smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur-trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf would sue o'er the use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Asking millions of dollars in due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,

Joined a self-helping group, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause such commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim and nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike and so, non-pacific.

No cookies or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales too, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie... (just better off hidden.)

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who said the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, not football... someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to the dirt.

Dolls were too sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo, 'twas found, rots your brain cells away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just couldn't figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
(But you've got to be careful with that word today.)

His sack was quite empty, lay limp on the ground;
No suitable gift for this year could be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people and every religion;

Every ethnicity, each color and hue,
Everyone, everywhere... even to you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Ebbie
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 08:13 PM

Funny, tar_heel. What is the address of the cut and paste, please?

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Peace
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 08:22 PM

'Twas the Night Before Christmas (Politically Correct!)

Google that and a gang of others.

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Ebbie
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 08:33 PM

I know, brucie. I'm just trying to nudge tar_heel. *G*

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Once Famous
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 08:55 PM

Thanks, Tar Heel

I enjoyed you posting that here.

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: tarheel
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 10:48 PM

hey...people send me this stuff and just so i dont get all bent out of shape over it,i pass it on to you folks in here...that makes my day!!!...hahahahahahah....bah humbug!!!!!!!!!!!!...lol

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Peace
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 10:49 PM

LOL, from one ol' fart to another.

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Cluin
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 01:05 AM

Merry F*ckin' Christmas.

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Peace
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 01:10 AM

You have a delicate touch there, Cluin.

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 04:07 AM

Ebbie, I really found it funny that your post after tarheels was one about being "PC" on how to post at "MC"!!

Loved the poem, thanks for passing it along.

;-D

..xx..e

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: tarheel
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 09:48 AM

you have a WARPED sense of humor,Cluin....

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:30 AM

From the Jewish Virtual Library:

Brownsville Public School Boycott

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Cluin
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 11:47 AM

I didn't write the damned thing (nor do I sanction it)... just provided the link as a counterpoint to the original post. Sorry if that wasn't indicated. Perhaps my intention was too delicate?

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 12:45 PM

If we post something here which is in fact a cut and paste job, without saying we got it from somewhere else, that is equivalent to claiming that we wrote it ourselves.

I think we ought to refrain from ever doing that.

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 12:50 PM

Kevin, if the original author is known that info should be included. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it.

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 01:10 PM

I disagree, Rapaire (not to the extent of worrying about it!). It's not a matter of protecting the rights of the author, it's a matter of respecting the rights of the readers.   

When we fail to say we got a piece from somewhere else, it's a bit like collecting a song, and letting it be understood that we wrote it ourselves, when we didn't. This kind of material is actually a kind of folklore.

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: tarheel
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 07:43 PM

i feel the same Mcgrath, and i did let you all know that someONE else sent it to me first!!! if this is a Folk site,what's wrong with a little folklore ?

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 07:58 PM

Folklore is fine, and that includes new types of folklore, such as this offering - I don't know if anyone has seriously investigated them, but in their way they are comparable to urban legends, the way they circulate. That's why it's a good idea to try to give an indication where we found them.

For one thing, with a site like the Mudcat there's always the possibility of turning up the person who wrote a parody like this in the first place.

Subject: RE: BS: politically correct christmas...
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:31 PM

Okay, I have just received this. I include it in its entirety, I thought that it was pretty funny.

> Date: Thu, 09 Dec 2004 19:10:34 -0500
> From: schuppm
>
> Below is a list of observations from a friend on a graveyard shift Helpdesk job, while it was slow. Some of you maybe able to relate to some of them.
> -------------------------------------
>
> 01 Not allowed to refer customers to http://www.societyforchaostheory.org/ when explaining management policies.
> 02 I am not allowed to fine management for things they do that waste the company money.
> 03 I cannot fire managers.
> 04 Not allowed to change the hold music to Slayers "Hell Awaits" on our phone system.
> 05 Not allowed to change the hold music, period.
> 06 Not to address senior management as "Lord Vader".
> 07 I am not the founder of the "Help Desk Call Monkey Liberation Front".
> 08 Customers who swear, use vulgarity, and say rude or offensive things to agents are not to be forwarded to 900 numbers.
> 09 Turn around time for a deskside tech is in no way influenced by how big a dish of candy a user has on their desk.
> 10 I did not wave a magic wand to fix the server.
> -------------------------------------
>
> 11 I did not press a magic button to fix the server.
> 12 I did not click my heels, use ritual magic, or anyway use magic to fix the server.
> 13 Despite what is in the database, I am not the administrator for all servers in Georgia.
> 14 In order to get procedure changed, I need concrete, 100% proof that it will work. Management however can change procedure on a whim.
> 15 Management always has "reasons I don't understand" for screwing up procedures that worked fine before, and I am not allowed to know why.
> 16 I am not the God of sneaking around the firewall.
> 17 I am not allowed to sneak around the firewall.
> 18 Policy is for users to lock their XP Operating system when away from their desk, and I am not to enforce policy by changing wallpapers, passwords, or sound schemes on any other person's, least of all management's.
> 19 I am not allowed to require users to "pass" an IQ test before I provide tech support.
> 20 When the phone system is broken, down, or malfunctioning, I am not allowed to leave the phones unattended to go fix it without direct permission from a manager.
> -------------------------------------
>
> 21 Rage Against the Machine's "Bulls on Parade" is not appropriate
> music to play when senior management does a walkthrough.
> 22 Not allowed to solicit funds for the "Buy management a clue" fund.
> 23 Not allowed to send senior management's office address and floor number to terrorist organizations.
> 24 I am required to send management an email when a major tool is down (example: the email system).
> 25 Not allowed to sign people up for online remedial reading courses.
> 26 Not allowed to move the coffee maker machine by my desk. (I won this one yesterday. They switched machines that make coffee in those giant push/pump thermos'.)
> 27 Not allowed to set users passwords to "1d10T".
> 28 Not allowed to set users passwords to "PEBKAC" (Problem Exists
> Between Keyboard And Chair).
> 29 Not allowed to set users passwords to "eye4Get".
> 30 Cannot condemn users as infidels for installing AOL on their work computer.
> -------------------------------------
>
> 31 Cannot condemn users as infidels for any reason.
> 32 Not allowed to mess with the satellite uplink that feeds the live/current stock price of the company stock to the internal home page for employees.
> 33 I am not Amish or Swedish.
> 34 Not allowed to curse users in Klingon.
> 35 Not allowed to curse users in any language, especially if they know it.
> 36 Not allowed to refer to Information Security group as "Network Nazi's".
> 37 Do not crack SQL jokes in front of the DBA's.
> 38 The server monitoring team is not trying to steal my IP address.
> 39 Just because I've worked on a ranch, competed in a rodeo, and am a proficient horseman, does not mean I am allowed to play "Cowboys and Indians" with our call center in India.
> 40 I am not allowed to convert call center into a hockey arena at night.
> -------------------------------------
>
> 41 Not allowed to borrow access to the personnel database in order to find out who makes how much money.
> 42 Not allowed to create new access to personnel database.
> 43 Not allowed to crack jokes while on bridge calls.
> 44 Not allowed to conference in Pizza delivery while on bridge call.
> 45 Bridge calls are not to be used to ask philosophical questions to managers on the call.
> 46 No longer allowed to join bridge calls.
> 47 No longer allowed to create bridge calls.
> 48 New call agents are not to be hazed.
> 49 Duct tape is no longer allowed at work.
> 50 Not allowed to reroute Executive support line to call center in India, "so that Upper management can experience first hand the fine job India is doing."
> -------------------------------------
>
> 51 Not allowed to deny users access to tools they have no training in using, no matter how mission critical that tool is.
> 52 Not allowed to mirror data on a server I need access to during my shift, even though the server is down during half my shift every night.
> 53 Not allowed to use sick time to "Journey to Mordor to destroy the one ring".
> 54 Not allowed to use sick time to take a shortcut and throw it in Mt. St. Helens.
> 55 The bottom level of the parking garage is not to be rented out as a skateboard park on weekends.
> 56 The Office Admin. assistant who is in charge of ordering coffee and supplies is no ones "Sugar Daddy".
> 57 Scientific experiments are not to be conducted in the break room microwave.
> 58 Not allowed to rent out space on company web server.
> 59 Not allowed to inquire to managers if they smoke crack.
> 60 Not allowed to inquire to users if they smoke crack.
> -------------------------------------
>
> 61 Not allowed to do victory dance when I can solve issues 2nd and 3rd tier support groups cannot.
> 62 Satan does not live in the VPN server.
> 63 Gnomes do not live in the VPN server.
> 64 Not allowed to dispatch deskside techs with the comment "release the hounds".
> 65 Not allowed to dispatch deskside techs with the comment "Sick 'em boys".
> 66 The Starbucks on the east side of the building is not plotting against the Starbucks on the West side of the building.
> 67 Not allowed to trade my stock options for a first round draft pick.
> 68 My job title is not "King of the Night Time World" or "Queen of the Damned - Night Shift".
> 69 Not allowed to run Unreal Tournament server over network, despite fact that management was the ones playing on it.
> 70 Not allowed to tell employees where good well vented hiding spots to smoke pot are located.
> -------------------------------------
>
> 71 I am not fighting a Master Control Program (MCP) from within the computer system.
> 72 The paycheck fairy only visits every other week, period.
> 73 Not allowed to create bots to answer the internal web based chat client.
> 74 The India call center is not a sitcom.
> 75 Not allowed to park in management reserved parking spots when they are on vacation. They may want to park there while they go to the baseball game. (Policy says not to use company provided parking for personal business on days off of work.)
> 76 Management is allowed to monitor my calls, but I am not allowed to monitor theirs.
> 77 Management is not involved in a conspiracy with the Aliens, Masons, the smoking man, the Government, the Illuminati, or McDonald's against me.
> 78 I am not allowed to "Fast Forward" time on the domain controller, especially near the end of my shift.
> 79 Not allowed to setup an auto reply to email stating that it will be answered in direct proportion with how much they donate to my Paypal account.
> 80 Not allowed to sacrifice a goat to appease the gods of the network.
> -------------------------------------
>
> 81 Not allowed to sacrifice any animal to appease the gods of the network.
> 82 Apparently I believe in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy, as I am told they are as real as the gods of the network.
> 83 Regarding the company CIO, she does not resemble Napoleon.
> 84 Users upstairs are not to be instructed to drop their broken machines out the window so that I may catch it and repair it for them.
> 85 People from accounting are not to be referred to as "Dr. Beans".
> 86 Apparently I can trust analysts further then I can throw them.
> 87 Not allowed to throw analysts.
> 88 Not allowed to call server farm and ask "Is your server running? Yes? Then you better go catch it."
> 89 There is no "I" in Server.
> 90 The number of awards, certifications, and trophies on someone's desk is not necessarily proportional to their IQ.
> -------------------------------------
>
> 91 The "From" line in the email is to contain my address, or in case of a department ran report, the general address of the department. No exceptions.
> 92 The Liquor store across the street is not an acceptable place to hang out during my breaks.
> 93 The Bar down the street is not an acceptable place to hang out during my lunch.
> 94 Not allowed to mention the strip club down the block.
> 95 I am not allowed to approve other employee vacation requests, even though I have the access to do so.
> 96 The voices in my head do not override management decisions.
> 97 Even though the building over looks the Sea-Fair Parade route, I cannot rent out employee desks during the parade.
> 98 The Cable room is for holding network equipment. It is not my personal amusement park.
> 99 People do not get promoted for sucking up to management. They do get promoted however, for buying managers drinks, dinner, show/game tickets, and agreeing with everything that management says.