BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel

Subject: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 08:22 PM

Sometimes it's fun to look at things from a totally different perspective-- someone else's. Better yet, another species from one's own. The following came out of a discussion with Hardi about how puzzled our dog Faulkner must be about one thing, in particular.

So imagine this at the kennel, when Faulkner is boarded:

Faulkner: I just don't understand what is wrong with my people. I smell their butts every time I see them-- and not ONCE have they ever reciprocated by smelling mine! What is UP with that! Is it just me?"

Rover: "Well, buddy, it could be you're not eating enough of that really nasty stuff out of the kitchen trash-- frankly (having met you myself), I suspect you may not have an odor sufficiently complex for them to waste their time."

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: Peace
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 09:15 PM

Guy dogs or girl dogs?

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: Azizi
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 09:26 PM

gay dogs or straight dogs?

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: Azizi
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 09:33 PM

Actually I don't get why a dog would want some human to smell his butt.

If I had a dog-which I don't-and he or she was at spending a 'vacation' at the kennel, I would expect him or her to be checkin out the other dogs to see what kind of action might be possible if the humans in charge of the kennel allowed the time and space for such social interaction between their wards.

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 09:46 PM

Aw WYSIWYG - are you tring to give us a Ruff! time?

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: bflat
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 10:53 PM

Overheard: "Here comes that bitch."

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 11:10 PM

Zeez-- why is cuz dogs think their humans are part of an uber-pack.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: Sorcha
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 11:57 PM

LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: Joybell
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 07:15 PM

Of course they wonder why we don't smell their bums. It's obviously the height of canine rudness not to.

Actually the REAL reason is spelled out in "The Dogs' Meeting" where a bunch of dogs go to a concert and have to hang their (knock, knock, knock)s on a hook. A yeller dog hollers "fire" and they all grab the nearest (knock, knock, knock).

....And that's the reason why, my friends,when walking down the street
A dog will stop and swap a smell with every dog he meets
And that's the reason why a dog will leave a big fat bone
To go and smell a (knock, knock, knock) in hopes to find his own.
Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 11:01 PM

I had a t-shirt many years ago with two doggie angels sitting on a cloud, one says to the other " I don't call it Heaven if we can't sniff bottoms!'

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: gnu
Date: 20 Mar 05 - 06:03 AM

"What are you in for?"

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: John O'L
Date: 20 Mar 05 - 07:15 AM

Hmmm, sugar all over my balls again today.

What do yours taste like today Spot?

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Mar 05 - 07:59 AM

R: You still smell like before-- dog-bath. But there's another much nicer scent overlaid-- kind of a rough, woodsy smell. Where ya been?

F: "That was really fun Friday when I made them chase me all over the state park in go-for-a-ride. They'd chase me, then turn around, and I'd chase them-- oh, it went on for the longest time! I can't believe I fell for the treats, at the end, though-- nasty little bits of dried-up pot-roast fat. Oh well. At least they gave me some water. That melting groundwater tasted like rotting goose sh*t!"

R: "You didn't roll in it?"

F: "Doh! I didn't think of THAT!"

R: "Grasshopper, you have much to learn."

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: paddymac
Date: 20 Mar 05 - 09:34 PM

There are several versions of "The Meeting," certainly an apt addition to this thread to make it "musical." Here's on I wrote down at an inebriate ceilidh at the Atlanta Highland games a few years ago. I felt at home, as all but a few wre gleefully swirling the Scotch in their glasses.

The dogs all had a party, they came from near and far;
Some the came by taxi, and some they came by car.

The dogs they had a party, they signed a little pact;
And each one took his ***, and hung it on a hook.

One dog was not invited, and this aroused his ire;
He strolled into the party, and loudly shouted "fire."

The dogs got so excited, they didn'y stpo to look;
And each one grabbed an ***, off the nearest hook.

This is a sad, sad story, for it makes you very sore;
To wear somebody's ***, you never wore before.

This is why dogs everywhere, no matter where you roam;
Will sniff each other's ***, in hopes it is their own.

--or words to that effect. Only trouble is I can't remember what melody was used.

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 11:13 AM

"Oh, come on, Faulkner! You ain't eatin' the right things! If you were, they'd be able to smell your bum (or the effluvia therefrom) all across the room!"

(I used to have a dog like that.)

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: What Dogs Talk About at the Kennel
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 11:24 AM

Faulkner: "Well I did start a new strategy-- when I stretch right after my supper-- you know, front half down low, back half up and tail wagging-- I like to face away from The Woman and let out a little whistler! It 'backfired' though-- instead of presenting me with a response, she just gets disgusted with My Man and accuses him of being rude! (As if he could even MAKE such a bouquet of aromas!) Anyway, I really like him, so I'm always sorry to see him get it!"

~Susan

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOGS' MEETING
From: Joybell
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 06:20 PM

paddymac, "The Dogs' Meeting" is to the tune of "The Chandler's Wife" and also the hit song of the 50s, "The Thing". It uses the same "Knock, knock, knock" idea. I think it's in here somewhere. If not I know the words as they were collected in Australia. It doesn't change much.
I'm on a roll. Might as well post the words: Last lines are repeated.

THE DOGS' MEETING

The dogs once held a meeting, they came from near and far
Some they came by aeroplane and some by motor car
Before into the concert hall they were allowed to look
Each dog had to take his (Knock, knock, knock) and hang it on a hook.

Well hardly were they seated there, each father, son and sire
When a dirty little yeller dog began to holler "Fire!"
Out they rushed in panic, they didn't stop to look
Each dog he grabbed a (Knock, knock, knock) from off the nearest hook

And that's the reason why, my friends, when walking down the street
Each dog will stop and swap a smell with every dog he meets
And that's the reason why a dog will leave a good fat bone
To go and smell a (Knock, knock, knock) in hopes to find his own.

Sings well doesn't it. Cheers, Joy