BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services

Subject: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 09:33 AM

Flamenco Ted has recently gone up market and taken his first step to Heaven. He has purchased a church, this has given him an inherent problem because of the lack of property deeds. Flamenco Ted has no idea what denomination the church was and quite frankly does not care.

What FT wants to do is open up the vacant wings of the church and still have inter-denominational services within it. I personally think this is a very community based unbiased attitude from Flamenco Ted and wish him well in his endeavours.

If you wish to have a service (of any kind) in the church please post your requirements.

May your God be with you.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 10:56 AM

Sttaw,
                      You are a bugger!! The church has been de-consecrated or whatever you call it, and I have full planning permission to convert it into a house. There will be NO services in the building, as we would be very likely to be struck by lightening if we tried it!
                      My only real problem is what to do with the gravestones???? I had a good nosy around them all last night, and the last burial was in 1782, so I should be OK to remove them. The property search has been fascinating though, according to the records there has been a church on this site in one form of another since the 11th century.
                      Flamenco, the true path!!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Wesley S
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 10:58 AM

Don't remove the gravestones. It would be a great place to throw a Holloween party.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Mooh
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:17 AM

I've lived beside a church most of my life. My father was a clergyman so we usually lived in rectories, and 12 years or so ago, just by coincidence, I bought a house next to a church. The one next door is having much trouble keeping a congregation due to aging and competition, and I wish I could afford to buy the very well kept building if it comes up for sale. It would make a great small music school, art gallery, or some such combination of things.

As for Ted's graveyard, aren't there lots of regulations about such things?

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:25 AM

Hello Mooh,
          As the church is in England I am SURE there will be plenty of regulations regarding graves, But I didn't have time to go into it much before I bought the place. It was coming up for auction a couple of days after I saw the advert for it, so I had to act fast!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:28 AM

Pray tell Edward I do hope you completed a risk assessment and method statement prior to completion of contracts

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:29 AM

No way Dave, I have REAL balls!!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: number 6
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:30 AM

Mooh .... there is a magnificant Old Church up the street from us called the Gothic Arches. It ha now been bough out privately and is used specifically for art, dance, theatre, music events etc. Unfortunately it costs a fortune to heat and it's future is in jeopardy.

gothic arches

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:16 PM

I thought there was only one clown called Father Ted.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:21 PM

Crikey ... leave the gravestone where they are, Flamenco Ted, have you learned nothing from Stephen King?

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Mooh
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 01:08 PM

Heating the place will take some imagination...and resources! Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Shiplap Structure3
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 03:02 PM

Ted
Sounds like the garden will be perfect for roses as you wont need any bone meal I can imagine you pruning the roses in your flamenco frock big floppy hat and trug

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 06:51 PM

And if you have a male dog he will be in doggy heaven with all the nice grave stones to leave his p-mail on.

Have you got bats in your belfry ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 07:04 PM

No HE is bats !

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Shiplap Structure3
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 07:56 PM

I must protest and stand up for a chum hes not bats but does have an odd choice in hats,but I blame that on Harriet Worth

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Sorcha
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 09:33 PM

Now, MY church meets at the Bronco Bar every Friday eve at 6 PM...sounds like Ted and I get along just fine...and leave the stones alone, Ted.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Elmer Fudd
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 12:21 AM

The castinets and tapping shoes will echo quite wonderfully. And I'm sure all that Hull sunshine pouring in through the stained glass windows must be lovely. Brings a pious tear to my eye.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: dianavan
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 01:30 AM

Leave the gravestones.

It adds to the character and the rest is obvious.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST, Ghost
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 02:58 AM

Don't you remove my gravestone you despoiler of graves or I will come back and haunt the shit out of your feckin church.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 03:38 AM

Stout advice people. The heating is going to be a titter, at some point recently a new oil fired heating system has been installed, which is fed from a 3000 litre oil tank. The tank of course is empty, bone dry, bugger all! I thought the chuches were supposed to be rich?
                Paranormal activity, the true path!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 04:19 AM

This is an excellent idea for the gravestones piloted in Norway, recycle them and make money to go towards the renovations - environmentally friendly so the idea is not dead in the water - Recycle Gravestones

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: ossonflags
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 06:22 AM

Were is it or is that a state secret .

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 06:57 AM

Here's Ted walking out of the Church door going to count the gravestones

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 08:06 AM

Hiya Mick,
            I have just sent you a PM.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: ossonflags
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 10:48 AM

Got it.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST,muppett
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 12:10 PM

Heating the place shouldn't a problem Ted, Not with all your Hot Air !!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 12:29 PM

hiya mupps,
          Rest easy, you can come to the gravestone clearing party too.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: dianavan
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 04:02 PM

The reason the gravestones are there is so that you won't walk on the graves. How will you know where the graves are if you remove them? Don't be surprised if people don't want to play croquet on your lawn.

I guess you won't be having to many garden parties.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: mooman
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 04:07 PM

Daisies! Not the true path!

Peace

moo

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 07:04 PM

It has to have a pulpit. He tends to preach on this site a lot. Not that many tend to listen.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 05:19 AM

Yes GUEST Knobend it does have a pulpit. Luckily as the church is small and rather basic, the pulpit is wooden, and can be easily removed. There is however a bloody great wooden crucifix fixed to a wall about ten foot above the floor. It has to be seven foot tall itself.I hope I can find a home for it.
                  Flying buttresses, the true path!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 05:20 AM

ps: I have purloined a digital camera for the weekend, so photos to follow.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Shiplap Structure3
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 05:33 AM

Are the pews still in
Is there a font in the kitchen
Have you weighed the bell in
Why are you wearing your shirt back to front

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Shiplap Structure3
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 05:38 AM

a href="http://www.yorkshiremessingham.co.uk/humbleton.html">http://www.yorkshiremessingham.co.uk/humbleton.html
Thought you said it was a small spot

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 07:11 AM

It's one thing planning your marriage to the wonderful Penny but quite another to buy the church to have it in! A clear case of one-upmanship. I hope Guy and Madonna don't find out. They'll go spare.
Are you buying the Ramada Jarvis hotel to have the reception in? What about the QE2 for the honeymoon? We might have to review our reward for performing at the reception. We could even be talking about real renumeration, ie., dosh!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: s6k
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 07:35 AM

put the graves on eBay

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 08:50 AM

We were thinking of marrying in our own church if legally possible. What sort of Vicar would we need though, I was brought up Primitive Methodist, and Penny is Catholic? As far the music goes, we have booked The WhiteStripes for the reception.
                Hello Adam, what's new? not seen you about much.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 09:12 AM

I like Nuns - I think its the habits they get into

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 09:23 AM

Ted .......... not a lot of people know this. I do not tend to shout it out, but I am a Reverend in the Church of Human Spiritual and have been for some time. In view of your and Penny's differing religions it may be that I am the solution to your problem, however Penny should be aware that I have to exercise the right to Drac de Seigneur with the Bride, the Brides's mother and the Bride's Auntie Pauline.
As for your graveyard buy a goat keeps the grass down lovely and as a goat will be good company for you

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 09:29 AM

hmmm..... goat..... gas mark 6, 20minutes a pound. You have a deal Sir Nicholas of Whitby!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 09:44 AM

Ted, Wonderful curries can be made with Goat. One of my drinkers partners many years ago had a goat named Emily, Emily was a very naughty goat and ate his next door neighbours garden, Emily was given to me in three carrier bags and after about 5 hours in the oven made one of the best curries I have ever made (and I am good I have been asked by an Asian doctor to cook for him and his mates)

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 11:08 AM

Emily was a very naughty goat and ate his next door neighbours garden

A good goat'll do that!


Ted, I hope you are a keen gardener. If so, I have the perfect solution for you. If you rearrange the gravestones, they'll make nice garden edging, then split that ole crucifix into lots and lots of garden stakes and you can grow tomatoes and stuff.

Jenny (always glad to help ;-))

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 02:14 PM

It's a bad omen to keep a single goat, oh sorry it won't be alone !

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Sorcha
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 02:44 PM

My church, the Congregation of Unrepenant Sinners, meets on Friday eve at 6 PM in the Bronco Bar....come on down!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 07:38 PM

There aren't many villages WITHOUT pubs in them. Humbleton IS one of them!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 04:34 AM

Edward

That is extrememly bad planning

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Peace
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 04:36 AM

"It's a bad omen to keep a single goat"

Not in Scotland.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 04:40 AM

Morning Nick,
                               Where the f**k is Humbleton? We have two pubs, a post office and a gay club so I am WELL sorted! Stand by for a party once we have had a bog fitted!
                        Flamenco, the true path!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 06:34 AM

Ooo Ooo a party ! OH Goody, like parties

Where is your new ha(e)ven Edward

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 06:41 AM

Yo Nick,
       North Yorkshire, I will PM you the address.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: ksloan
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 10:59 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST,Grave digger.
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 05:10 PM

PM me your address and I will put those gravestones to good use.

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 07:01 PM

Here is a new demonination http://www.jesuslovesporn.net/jlp.shtml

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 08:28 PM

I been to a church once, it was rubbish.


waht you buying a cgurch for tyhenm , stupif?

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 03:53 AM

Hiya jOhn,
                           We are going to live in it stuPif! If you get off the bloody night shift I will take you down to it. I could use your muscle to flatten a few of the gravestones nearest to the entrance. I have bought a digital camera now, so once my youngest shows me how the damn thing works, I will get some photos up on the internet thingy.
                   Norman arches, the true arch!

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 09:21 AM

Didn't he get bombed in Brighten some years back?

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: Shiplap Structure3
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 10:08 AM

What by a flying Buttress?

Subject: RE: BS: Flamenco Ted & New Church Services
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 12:50 PM

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.