BS: Is the Rapture Underway???

Subject: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:13 AM

Well, well, well...

I was listenin' to NPR a little while ago and they were talkin' about how many fundamentalist Christains are just lovin' this world war that their hero, George Bush, has crafted 'cuase it will bring a second comin' of Jesus Christ who will, in turn, take all believers to Heaven and leave the heathens to fight it out here on earth...

Yup, that's seems to be the condensed version of the story...

So to all my fellow followers of Christ, be sure to be ready for the call-up...

(But, Bobert, if God loves us why would he send Jesus to collect, i.e. kill, all the Christains???...)

Ummmmm, don't ask me... I gotta a friemd who says she belives in this rapture thing and so I asked her to explain it to me and she couldn't... But she said she would get me some books to read about it... Great...

But I can't wait on the books since Jesus might be here today to collect all his followers so can anyone explain to me how this thing works???

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Mooh
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:19 AM

Sounds more like a rupture. The Burning Bush League sure is convinced of itself.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Paul Burke
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:27 AM

The Rapture is when Jesus returns and takes all the fundies (HIS fundies) away to heaven, and shuts the door and won't let us in. As if we'd want to go to that heaven.

He who loves his love o'er well
Will gaze in Helen's eyes in Hell,
But he whose love is dry and wise
Shall see John Knox in Paradise.

We still get left with Moslem, Jewish, Hindu etc. fundies, but we also get to keep all the rappers, Rapaire, rapscallions, rapper dancers, risberry rapple, rapport, Rap vin Wankle, Rapunzel and so on. So it's largely the same as before, except for a few puzzled fundies who weren't among the Elect after all.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Alba
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:29 AM

If it is the Rapture that is underway then the chosen have no need for material possesions like Houses, Cars and things....so could one of the chosen please sign over their Cottage by the Sea to me before they go?
Ta muchly.
Pm with details, map, directions ect.
Jude:)

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: bobad
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:30 AM

I don't know Bobert, but when the rapture comes can I have your stuff?

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Wesley S
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:30 AM

Bobert - You might ask your friend to look up the rapture in the bible. She won't be able to find it because it was never mentioned. The rapture was thought up by a woman in Scotland back in the 1800's who had a vision. According to her at least.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: MMario
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:34 AM

probably a piece of bad haggis.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: manitas_at_work
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:43 AM

And what make you think the Rapture hasn't already happened and the Chosen haven't already been taken into Heaven?

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Alba
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:45 AM

Could have been MMario..lol

Aye it indeed was a Scot's Woman and it is said that the power of the Holy Spirit visited one, Miss Margaret Macdonald while she was dangerously sick and thought to be dying. It is said that she is supposed to have come under "power" of the Holy Spirit for several successive hours during which she experienced the manifestations of mingled prophecy and vision. The message she received during this prophetic vision convinced her that Christ was going to appear in two stages at His second coming -- and not one! The visions revealed that Christ would first come in glory to them that look for Him and then come again in a final stage when every eye would see Him. These Events would be what has come to be called "The Rapture"

Bad Haggis...possibly...(is there good Haggis..:)

Still I am taking no chances. Cottage by the Sea for me...any givers:)
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:49 AM

Jude:

Hold out for at least four bedrooms, I'm comin' witchoo.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Alba
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:51 AM

No worries there Amos ma dear..LOL
Heck if they are giving it away...why not an Estate by the Sea... *giggle!*

Jude

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: skipy
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:56 AM

MM, you are implying that there is good haggis!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:57 AM

Man what a buncha deluded nabobs. It's downright scary.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Wesley S
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 10:57 AM

Would a lake be alright ? Does it have to be by the sea ? Because I'm guessing the good Lord will be calling up Bill Gates and I understand he has a nice place up in Washington state.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 11:29 AM

There should be quite a nice little place on Penn Avenue going spare as well.... It's got a nice rose garden!

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: mack/misophist
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 11:54 AM

Just took a gander up at the sky from the front porch. Nothing there but a helicopter. I'm keeping my stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: harpmolly
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 11:59 AM

Jesus is coming. Look busy.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 12:03 PM

Only...there's quite a bit of disagreement if the Rapture is coming before, during, or after the Last Times. If before, cool, all the good folks will be assumed up bodily and all the baddies will go through the bad times. If during...well, the goodies will endure only some of the bad stuff. But then, the Rapture might come after the shit hits the fans (so to speak) and the good and the bad will have gone through the same thing.

Most rapturists I've met assume the first, pre-Bad Times, scenario. Of course, all of them conveniently forget Mark 13:31-33, where it is clearly stated:

31Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. 32No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. 33Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: GUEST,Richard H
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 12:10 PM

My brother is convinced the rapture is soon coming and he's going up. He also keeps warning me about being on a plane at that time because the pilot could get snatched away.

It might be a good idea to make sure your pilot is an unsaved sinner before boarding. (If you peek in the cockpit and he has his hand up the stewardess' thigh, you're good to go.)

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: DMcG
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 12:15 PM

My brother is convinced the rapture is soon coming and he's going up. He also keeps warning me about being on a plane at that time because the pilot could get snatched away.

He also sounds pretty convinced you aren't!

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Wesley S
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 12:24 PM

If he's convinced he's going to be called up wouldn't that be considered a sin of pride? I've always wanted to run into a "rapturite" so I could ask them that question.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 12:31 PM

Thousands of field mice experience the rapture every day...courtesy of various hawks, owls, etc. None have come back to tell us what it's like.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 12:33 PM

"Rapture" comes from the same root as "Rapaire."

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 12:37 PM

Will those who perform "Rap" songs be taken? If so, I'll stay here....(as if there was any doubt I'd be left here)

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 12:41 PM

I certainly hope they will. I'd be happy if WalMart was taken too.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Greg F.
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 12:48 PM

Whm. Miller tried this schtick in the 1840's.

Twice.

Didn't work for him either.

Get the brother, above, into therapy, quick. There might be some hope for him...

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Barry Finn
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 01:20 PM

You mean things could get worst? And just as it was getting better, sigh.

Barry

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: MMario
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 01:23 PM

I got a question. What happens, in this day of organ transplants - if, for instance, the donor is 'saved' but the recipient is not? or Vice versa?

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Becca72
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 01:38 PM

I found Jesus...













he was behind the couch the whole time!!

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Les from Hull
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 01:50 PM

rapture history

Yes - you're always best off getting your theology from teenagers! Margaret MacDonald also identified the Antichrist - it was of course Scottish social reformer Robert Owen.

As far as the Bible (Revelations of St John the Devine) is concerned there's only room in heaven for 144,000 people, and they're all Jewish.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 02:07 PM

Jesus will bring us all trusses!

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 02:14 PM

"What happens, in this day of organ transplants - if, for instance, the donor is 'saved' but the recipient is not? or Vice versa? MMario"

I know there is a phrase to the effect of saving one's rear end,MM, but I don't think the Rapture refers to one's physical parts. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Sorcha
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 02:27 PM

ROF here! Becca, did you dust him off?

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Becca72
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 02:32 PM

Yeah...who knows how long he's been back there with the dust bunnies!

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Sorcha
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 02:43 PM

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus.....

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: MMario
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 02:43 PM

well according to some versions the 'saved' - including all who have died, are *BODILY* assumed into heaven.

Now if someone who is "saved" has a heart tranplant from a sinner - does the heart get left behind?

Or is someone who is 'saved' had a liver donated and that liver is currently in a sinner - does the liver get assumed into heaven?

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 02:52 PM

One of my dachshunds seems to have vanished! Could this be the Rapture? If so, it shakes my faith, because he is a noticeably sinful little creature with many vices. Why would he be taken? What could it mean? Have the Fundamentalists got it all wrong? Is Christian prophecy going to the dogs?

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 03:01 PM

"One of my dachshunds seems to have vanished"

check to see if wandering cowboys have been seen in the area...they are always being admonished to "get a long little doggie".

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 03:01 PM

The link posted by Les From Hull has a fascinating history on the roots of Christian fundamentalism in the West. I have no idea how accurate it is but it offers a plausible, well-spoken account.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 03:50 PM

Bill D:

GO TO YOUR ROOM!!! ROFLMAO!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 04:00 PM

A link borrowed from Don Firth on those who promote Armageddon in the hopes of Rapture. This is gruesome distortion of what it means to be human, in my view.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 04:03 PM

False alarm. The little bastard is back. He was robbing someone's garbage, by the looks of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: jeffp
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 04:11 PM

I am sorely tempted to start a copycat thread entitled, "Is the Rupture Underway???" But I won't.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 04:22 PM

It is here. I got fillies on the barbie, lobster and beer on ice, and a bunch of my rowdy friends coming over tonight for tunes. Didn't invite Jesus, though.

Don't get me wrong. I like Jesus. It's just that he let's all these assholes tag along with him. Bunch a wanna be holier than thous. I asked just the other day, "Jesus Christ! What's with all these fucking assholes who walk with you?" He said to me, "They have fish for the barbie, wine for the cooler, and lots of bread for the plate. So, let it be. Nudge nudge, wink wink." He speaks words of wisdom. I think he learned from his mother.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Scoville
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 04:32 PM

Ragnarok. Definitely Ragnarok.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 11:57 PM

Gargoyle is missing from the postings he has traditionaly been the most rightous mudcat defender of The Faith and may have been taken up with the 144,000. The Rapture appears to of occured. Woe be to those left behind.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Sorcha
Date: 04 Aug 06 - 12:02 AM

Woe! Oh Woe is me!!! See Isaiah for the Woe stuff......

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Paul Burke
Date: 04 Aug 06 - 03:15 AM

Transplants- well that's a sore point for J.Hoover's Witnesses. if they are saved I don't want to be. Brave attempt to stop that horse Sorcha.

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: kendall
Date: 04 Aug 06 - 09:08 AM

Bumper sticker   "JESUS IS COMING, AND IS HE PISSED"

A friend of mine says Logic and reason are religions worst enemy

Subject: RE: BS: Is the Rapture Underway???
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 06 - 09:12 AM

"Underway"?? Like Boston's "Big Dig"?