BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers

Subject: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Old Guy
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 01:18 AM

I sometime have fun with telemarketers.

One response I give them when the first words they say is "how are you today?"

I say "Well first I need your name and address."

They say "What for"

I say "I am a consultant and I charge $200 per hour. Before I answer any questions I have to have someone to bill it to."

Click.

How do you get them bugfuzzled?

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 01:37 AM

Whizz them off?

I didn't KNOW you could DO that over the phone... doesn't it short things out?

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Joe Offer
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 02:45 AM

Teh no-call list seems to work quite well, so I don't get many calls other than political and charity calls, which are exempt. Most of the charities who cold-call me (without my donating first) are questionable, mostly law enforcement and veterans groups that seem to have nothing to do with law enforcement and veterans. I'll listen to their spiel, and then say in a very friendly tone, "Gee, THAT sounds like a ripoff," and then I hang up.
Very satisfying.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: GUEST,Bruce Baillie
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 05:29 AM

...Try pretending to be chinese (or any foreigner with a bare command of english) or an imbecile, the fun you can have with the irritating bastards is endless! I'm coming up with new ideas to increase the fun all the time!

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: The Shambles
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 05:29 AM

They are only trying to do a job.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: John O'L
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 05:34 AM

Yeah but it's a crappy job.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Divis Sweeney
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 05:57 AM

Thought this thread was about the film "The hero's of Telemark"

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: John O'L
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 06:15 AM

How to whizz off The Telemarketeers - Buy all for one, get one for all free.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Mooh
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 06:33 AM

Just last night I had a call from someone looking for support for a Tory cause in the name of a particular candidate, "he needs your help...". He hung up on me the instant I declared my NDP membership, cut me off. I was trying to be polite and he was the intolerant one.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Folkiedave
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 06:44 AM

In the UK I belong to Telephone Preference Service.

Free and stops virtually all calls. (There is no real sanction but I give every single company that dares to call me a real telling off). And I report them.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: GUEST,Bruce Baillie
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 07:12 AM

...They definitely are TRYING...

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 07:20 AM

I'd prefer to whizz on telemarketers. Actually you can whizz THROUGH them 'cause theyre all pricks!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 07:44 AM

I just tell them that my husband deals with all these matters and, if they'll wait I'll get him. Then just leave the phone off the hook until they hang up.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:02 AM

I just hang up as soon as I hear the silence that means they've autodialled zillions of numbers, or a chirpy voice introduces him/herself, tho I was caught by one asking for Sandra recently.

Assuming it was someone asking about the folk club I said yes, then she introduced herself as rep of a telecomm company. So I stayed silent for a few seconds considering my response, then hung up!

I just won't talk to telemarketers, I didn't ask them to interrupt me, so I just get back to what I was doing. Sometimes I let the mchine take the call & if they don't leave a message, they were a junk mail caller.

I have had fun in the past when they assume I'm married & I say "There's no one of that name here" & repeat it in a louder voice when they try to argue tht they hve the right number. Then I hung up!! One time I even asked if he was calling me a liar before I hung up.

Now I can't be bothered doing anything apart from hanging up as the poor buggers are only doing a job. Then they can get on with their next (unwelcome) call.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Becca72
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:10 AM

A close friend of mine asks them to hold and then puts her very chatty 8 year old son on the phone....he tells them all about his day at school, what movie he's watching, etc. until they eventually hang up.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Bagpuss
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:29 AM

I'm also on the TPS and it stops most calls, except the ones that come from overseas, and those annoying recorded message ones. I get extremely few though.

My brother has a printed sheet which is like a flow chart on how to respond to a cold caller - a bit like the scripts they are supposed to stick to. For every thing they say, it has a way of drawing them into a conversation that has nothing to do with their product. It is hilarious listening in to him when he is answering one of these calls. I will have to see if I can find it on-line.

Bagpuss

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:32 AM

My wife and I have different last names. It's great fun when they call and ask for "Mrs.________" because I tell them that she's dead (true, because my mother's been dead for over a quarter century).

We're on the National Do Not Call list; my wife just rips 'em a new bodily orifice and hangs up. I'm slightly more polite.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Bagpuss
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:33 AM

You might find it here but I just get a message saying the object is badly formatted and it wont let me view it.

Bagpuss

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Bagpuss
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:37 AM

found it

It doesn't get rid of telemarketers, but it makes the whole process a load more entertaining.

Bagpuss

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: GUEST,number 6
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:38 AM

"Yeah but it's a crappy job."

Just people trying to put food on their table and provide a roof over their head.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: jeffp
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:44 AM

By interrupting other peoples' peace and quiet.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Becca72
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:57 AM

By calling them at home and trying to sell them something they haven't asked for.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:03 AM

Isn't that what a clerk in the store does when s/he comes up and asks you if you need help? They're offering to help you buy something you didn't ask for....

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Becca72
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:07 AM

But they're not showing up at my door to do it. If I've gone to the store one can assume that there is something I'm interested in buying.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Jeri
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:07 AM

I stop them early and explain I don't want to give them money, but thanks. (I'm on the no-call list and only get called by charities.)

When they try to explain how "even a small amount will...," I say "no". Then I repeat "no" and NOTHING ELSE (I don't need a reason) until I get tired of it and then say, "I'm gonna hang up now - bye" and hang up.

When I get off the phone, I'm not upset at all. The telescrounger's probably not upset, and I don't hate the people who are hired by charities to solicit money, so that's fine.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: GUEST,Bee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:08 AM

Can't you just keep in mind that these people don't own the companies they are working for, and that they are working class stiffs like most of us? It's a thankless job with often horrid employers who call them on the carpet over call and closing quota shortfalls. Rather than wreaking vengeance on these hapless callers, can't you just say no thanks and hang up, letting them go on to the next call?

Yes, it's annoying. So are television commercials, door-knocking evangelists and campaigning politicians.

Get on the no-call lists.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Jeri
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:30 AM

I always read these threads and wonder how somebody can get their jollies ruining someone else's day. You don't have to LIKE what they do, but enjoying being cruel, for whatever reason, is just a teensy bit sick. Plus, these very clever responses are normally invented by people simply because they don't have the balls to say "no" and hang up.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: GUEST,Number 6
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:32 AM

New Brunswick (Canada)has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country ... the provincial government made a move for international companies to setup their telemarking in the province with tax break incentives to provide employment.

So ... in short, telemarking is the only employment available for many, many people here ... it not only provides steady employment (to put food on the table and a roof over their head) but these companies also provide good supplementary health benefits to these people and their families. Sure they may be annoying but just remember they are people (human beings) doing a job, the only job that is available to them. They would certainly be willing to find an (good paying) alternative way of making a living but it's the best they can find here. I should add many of these people have university degrees, but would rather stay in live in New Brunswick rather than join the brain drain exodis to Toronto and live a miserable life there .... becoming a person caught up in the rat race, being miserable and complaining about such trivial things as telemarketers.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 01:03 PM

Say, "Thank you for calling, but I am not interested. Goodbye."

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Mr Red
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 01:10 PM

One colleague

"Can I speak to Mr Householder?"

"No but I can fetch him for you"

Puts phone down - checks in a few minutes - if still there

"Who did you want to speak to? I'll go and fetch him"

Puts phone down - checks in a few minutes - if still there

repeat until the joke is no longer fun (to you or them).

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 01:15 PM

When you hear the silence or click and you know its telemarketing make your reponse 'Hello, is Dave there?'. Get's very confusing when they think you called them.

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Old Guy
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 01:38 PM

I have been outdoors or up no a ladder or something while expecting a call. I have some very near accidents trying to get to the phone in time, only to hear "how are you today?". At those kinds of times I say "In the mood to strangle an asshole telemarketer". and hang up.

Do you think they would care if they caused someone to get hurt?

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Don Firth
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 01:43 PM

Nothing humorous. We're on the "Don't Call" list, so all we get are charitable organizations and political calls. As far as charities are concerned, our contibutions are already allocated, so that's what I tell those who call:   "Sorry, we've made our contributions for this year. All gone, no more." If they persist ("Well, can't you just contribute $15?"), I stick to my line. If they persist, I just say, "Sorry, but no," and hang up. As far as political calls are concerned, if it's a live person, I listen; if it's a recording, I just hang up. Surveys? If I have time, I generally answer the survey.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 02:11 PM

I just say "If I decide to buy anything I go looking for it. I'm not looking at the moment, but thank you for calling".

Then hang up.

There's really no point in making someone's life more miserable than it already is, and they've undoubtedly heard all the smart answers before.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: number 6
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 04:17 PM

Old Guy ... if I was expecting a call I surely wouldn't be "up in a ladder" or "something else" ... whatever that may be?

I never rush or run to answer a phone call .. if it's that important the caller will leave a message.

Running to answer a phone call ... how I remember those days ... my daughter yelling " I got it, I got it"


sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Jeri
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 04:25 PM

up ON a ladder.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: number 6
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 04:27 PM

I sit here at my laptop corrected.

"up ON a ladder"

thank you jeri.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: toadfrog
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 04:37 PM

Telemarketers are trying to earn a living, and a very unpleasant living it is. When they get through to me, I just hang up and let them get on with their job. I guess if you are the kind of person who pulls the wings off of flies, you can practice on them. But I'd think, you would not want to make a telemarketer too angry, because he/she knows your phone number and might give you another call, say, around 3:00 a.m. Something to think about, anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: number 6
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 04:51 PM

"might give you another call, say, around 3:00 a.m."

Not very likely toadfrog .... the numbers are a given via a 'computer" application and are part of a quota they have to meet during the given work day ... in other words, they don't just go through a phone book and start dialing ... everyone it seems who complain about telemarketers have this attitude that they are the target personally chosen by some telemarketer out to make their life a living hell .... personally I'm never pestered too often by them as I don't purchase items solicited by TV marketing, cheesy magazine promotions or (yes) items from some telemarketer .... these are usually the sources for your number to be added to some company's telemarketing list .... ever notice that once you give to one charitiable organization you are bombarded by others.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 05:22 PM

I just say I'm busy and can I call them back later.... you'd be surprised the amount who say OK... I wonder if there is still a little Asian sounding chappy (who said he was called Kevin, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was more like Kavinder) waiting by his phone for me to ring back....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: toadfrog
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 07:40 PM

Number 6: I registered with do not call, and I mostly hear from "charities," all sponsored by law enforcement agencies. And I get messages intended for businesses, particularly from the State of Nevada telling me I should relicate because their taxes are low.. And messages about how my voice should be raised to get rid of the hated death tax. Maybe Old Guy would like to get those calls; if he will give me his number, I will pass it on.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 08:12 PM

If they have a long spiel and dont let you get a word in edgewise
I dont hang up but just put the phone down and see how long it takes them to figure it out.
I dont really care what their personal situation is, I dislike going to the phone only to have a phony charity, survey or marketing call waste my time. Sure I can let the phone take the msg, but on the other hand
there are far more telemarketing calls being made now than there were 10or 20 years ago - back then when the phone rang you were far more likely to answer and know that its someone you know.

now with call display - you can identify the # and not answer - they sometimes get around
if I happen to get a telemarketer when I answer I ask if its a sales call, I dont do surveys either.
but one of the best ways to deal the is to say 'you just called me yesterday'.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Don Firth
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 08:28 PM

Back in the mists of antiquity, I worked for two weeks as a telemarketer, but I wasn't calling people at home. I was hired to sell acvertising for a small, neighborhood newspaper, so I was calling local businesses. After two weeks, I ran screamiing from the office. I couldn't handle that much rejection!

But I guess I couldn't have been that bad at it. In that two weeks, I earned enough in commissions to buy my first really nice guitar, a Martin 00-18 (steel-string), $95.00 at the time. This was BC--Before Classic, before I switched to a nylon-string classic (Martin 00-28-G) a couple of years later.

I don't give telemarketers grief unless they persist past the point of reasonable politeness.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Tootler
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 08:54 PM

I'm on the telephone preference service (mentioned above). If I get a call I usually tell them that and that they shouldn't be calling me. If they persist I then ask to speak to their supervisor. That usually does the trick and also ensures they don't try again.

The latest trick is computerised dialling. The computer gets a batch of numbers, dials them simultaneously and the first one to answer gets the call. The rest simply get a dead line. If you do a 1471, you get either a "network unable to transmit numbers" or a dummy 0870 number.

For non-UKers, 1471 gives you the last number that dialled you. 0870 is a prefix which charges nationally at local rates and is used by a lot of businesses for helplines and such like.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: number 6
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:50 PM

Man .. life has become unbearable .... telemarketers, spam e-mails, web popups, snail mailbox being jammed full of flyers, TV Commercials, pesky sales clerks, panhandlers, buskers, ..... you can't even go UP a ladder to get away from it all.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: John O'L
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:01 PM

I too have had to do crappy jobs from time to time in order to put food on the table. The fact that there was no alternative did not make the jobs any less crappy.

sIx, you don't imagine that these marketing companies and researchers came to New Brunswick as a favour? They came because there is a ready supply of cheap and desperate labour to fill their crappy jobs.

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: number 6
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:14 AM

John O'l ... I never stated these companies came to N.B. to do a favour ... The provincial government lured these companies to the province to remedy unemployment numbers ... yes, there was a ready supply of cheap labour, and of course these companies are taking advantage, and yes they could pay more ... but, what they do pay and incentives these companies provide is a better standard of living than existing on welfare. Sure, the job is crappy, but looking on the brighter side, it beats sitting around getting a substandard amount of a 'welfare check' and certainly beats working in an arbattoir.

Yes ... we all have to do crappy jobs from time to time to put food on the table and a roof over our heads ... that's basically what I'm saying, these people are just doing a job just like the rest of us. So, don't take it that they are out there just to create havoc in our lives ... getting us to come DOWN off the ladder just to answer a the phone.

If there is any blame to all of this ... it is our materialistic life that we all live and the demands it puts on our society/industry (with excessive greed thrown into the equation)to keep it going ... everything we own, has been somehow 'sold to us via the marketing chain'.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Old Guy
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:23 AM

Some telemarketer have a dialer that dials up to 10 numbers at once. The first number to answer gets the call. The rest just pick of on a dead line. Very considerate of these nice people wot?

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: number 6
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:24 AM

I should also add to what I stated (now that I'm rambling away on the subject) ... when the N.B. government was deciding on how to remedy the unemployment situation it had at the time a resource to provide(other than an large number of workers) and that was one of the best telecommunications infrastructures in North America ... that being NBTEL which was very advanced in 'land line' research and development. NBTEL being the telephone company of New Brunswick.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How to whizz off Telemarketers
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 01:28 AM

If you (like me) fill in surveys to get the free gifts, put a mobile (cell)phone number on it... they almost never call a mobile phone number because a) the random selection computers can't deal with it and b) it costs more for them to ring me.

The only telemarketing calls I get on my mobile are from my provider.

LTS