BS - This parenting thing is so hard

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 22 Dec 06 - 07:49 AM

Often enough people get more obviously upset at the death of a pet than a family member. There can be constraints wired into us, especially in some cultures, that can inhibit us from showing grief too openly, and the death of animals can bypass these.   

It's rather the same way people who are dry-eyed at funerals can find themselves breaking up over a song or a story. Typically men, but not just men.

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Dec 06 - 06:01 AM

Paul, I believe your post is a little insensitive to the reality of the death of something/someone close...Some people go through much of their early life without experiencing the death of someone or something close and as a consequence they do not build any framework of the death/ life cycle.
I am now 58 yrs old and I cried when my mother died of cancer last August...I have seen death...perhaps with having been in the Police force...more than most...but you can never be prepared for when someone or something close to you dies. Arriving at the scene of an accident and 'the job' took over when there were serious injuries or death....I ALWAYS felt down and even cried when getting home after a shift where I had to deal with violent premature death. I also felt aggrieved and saddened for the relatives of the person. I also had to deal with the death of animals in accidents and to inform owners of their demise.....they suffered LOSS and as a result had to go through the grief and mourning process just as we do for loved ones.

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: Paul Burke
Date: 22 Dec 06 - 03:12 AM

Sorry for her. If a person has got to 21 and hasn't realised that death is part of life, and is training to be a vet, she's a lot of sobbing yet to do. If she's like that over a cat, how will she cope when you die?

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 06 - 01:11 AM

The things they become attached to--my daughter had a fish that became ill while she was away at college this fall and we had an ongoing discussion about treating it. I had to euthanize the fish (clove oil and then vodka) and though it was just a little betta, it was a sad day to have to put down the fish that had been on her desk for the last year she lived here at home.

The cats and the dogs are mine (this I judge because I walk the dogs, I scoop the poop, I feed them all, and I pay the vet bills) but I know many friends who have accumulated their children's pets over the years. The kids know I'm maxed out as far as the village allows (and as far as the vet bills allow!)

SRS

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: Linda Goodman Zebooker
Date: 22 Dec 06 - 12:23 AM

Your daughter will benefit immensely from knowing you care - that she doesn't have to go through the pain alone.
Take care,
--Linda

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: CapriUni
Date: 22 Dec 06 - 12:19 AM

Hugs to you. Hugs to your Daughter. Hugs to the kitty (in spirit).

Subject: RE: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 22 Dec 06 - 12:16 AM

Please could the elves move this to BS - where it should be and where I intended it to be - many thanks.

Subject: BS - This parenting thing is so hard
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 22 Dec 06 - 12:15 AM

Our family has an animal mad child who over the years has filled our house with cats, dogs, mice, rats, lizards, snakes, frogs -- all sorts. When she moved out two years ago (to be nearer to the school where she is studying for a Vet Tech's diploma) the reptiles were smuggled into her apartment but the bull mastiff and five cats stayed home (the dog being too large and the cats too mobile to smuggle!).

Anyway, she and I went to the vet today with one of the cats who has lost a huge amount of weight. The result of the ultrasound was a 99.9% certain verdict of lymphoma for the cat - Tucker. My lovely, gutsy, bright, capable 21 year old daughter just sobbed. Wouldn't you do ANYTHING you could to take pain away from them? I think seeing your child in pain is the worst feeling in the world. Before I had kids I was incredibly selfish - now I am STILL selfish but just moderately so but know there are at least three people in the world I will always put before me. Being a parent is TOUGH.

So I am going to take my glass of wine to bed and shed a few tears for this damned cat who I have come to love but more for the hurting daughter who I have always and will always love. I'll think about the time we had her pet mouse euthanized (cancer then too) and the time she cried for a week when the Shetland pony she used to ride passed on the greener pastures.......goodnight, everyone - thanks for listening.....may your animals live long and healthy lives (and your kids, too, of course!)